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bird.

a very conplicated question. one of the best pieces of advice i have been given is to always make sure what you have to say is 140 characters or less otherwise they'll only listen to the first part

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bird.

Me: *throwing a fidget spinner across the room* so what do you cool bros think about Mike's hard lemonade? *dab*

Peg Sliderskew
Get an instagram account and comment on all their half naked selfies in a supportive and nurturing fashion.

'Look at my lil boy so grown up lol!!! Know ur hot rear end is gonna ace GCSE French tomorrow at 9.30am!'



Courtesy of Manifisto

alnilam

hockey jockey posted:

Get an instagram account and comment on all their half naked selfies in a supportive and nurturing fashion.

'Look at my lil boy so grown up lol!!! Know ur hot rear end is gonna ace GCSE French tomorrow at 9.30am!'

#MyCoolTeen

alnilam

If your teen won't listen to you, try designing and releasing a cool indie game instead, where some of the in-game instructions say what you want to say

"Good job defeating that dragon with your cool dance moves!"
*animation*
"Oh jeez, now we've got a wyvern approaching, she'll eat all the farmer's sheep. It would help out village a lot if you would go clean your room and tell your dad how school was today, then challenge this creature to another dance-off."

cda

by Hand Knit
Threaten to make their baby pictures into memes

bird.

We have changed the wifi password and wont tell you what it is until you explain whatever is going on with you and your boyfriend Mike. We're here to listen and we love you. But we can't help unless you talk to us. The password contains both alpha and numeric characters so you have no chance of GUESSING IT! Tacos for dinner, love.

alnilam

BrownianMotion posted:

We have changed the wifi password and wont tell you what it is until you explain whatever is going on with you and your boyfriend Mike. We're here to listen and we love you. But we can't help unless you talk to us. The password contains both alpha and numeric characters so you have no chance of GUESSING IT! Tacos for dinner, love.

Twenty Four


Probably brush up on your skills and own them in thier online game of choice, and tell them that they have to follow your rules now in a pile of shame. I dont have kids or know how this works but that seems right.

doritto


alnilam posted:

If your teen won't listen to you, try designing and releasing a cool indie game instead, where some of the in-game instructions say what you want to say

"Good job defeating that dragon with your cool dance moves!"
*animation*
"Oh jeez, now we've got a wyvern approaching, she'll eat all the farmer's sheep. It would help out village a lot if you would go clean your room and tell your dad how school was today, then challenge this creature to another dance-off."

tldr

one cool way to talk to your teen is to ensure youre showing youre teeth the whole time

Pot Smoke Phoenix



Smoke 'em if you gottem!
Some day every parent is going to have to deal with that subject. You know the one I'm talking about. One day every parent will have to sit their child down and have a frank discussion about big dick daddy dongle's dongarium + "big rear end" + "big ol' rear end" : $3.69

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

Doctor Dogballs

driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station


Nothing, you already told her twice

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https://thumbs.gfycat.com/HopefulSophisticatedIndianrhinoceros-mobile.webm
"The Bad Boy of Comics"

Darkman Fanpage
*gives a fidget spinner to and never talks to again*

DOPE FIEND KILLA G

i just scream into a trumpet like a peanuts adult until they gently caress off, lousy kids

Macnult

cda posted:

Threaten to make their baby pictures into memes

their friends already do this through snapchat whenever they come over

Kthulhu5000

by R. Guyovich
can you
try like a teenager?
lie like a teenager?
cry like a teenager?
vie like a teenager?
get high like a teenager?
lay down and die like a teenager?

if you answered "no" to the any of the above, well, you're not qualified to talk to your teenage son or daughter. call the cabal at FUTRSX MIND DR@GZ to do it for you.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Senior Management



Sit them down with a serious and yet not stern tone. Hand them a spoon and ask them to hold it. Thank them then talk about whatever serious issue you have. They will be too confused by the spoon to fight you. The key is to remain serious and make sure that you do not laugh at all unless relevant to the conversation. You ignore the spoon.

:jerry:

Les Os
make them a card and stick a quarter in there so they can buy gum later

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

DOPE FIEND KILLA G

my son and i don't speak in the clasical sense and instead choose to communicate through a series of interpretive vape tricks and intricate yo-yo maneuvers

Macnult

correct their swearing after the important part of the discussion is over with

Senior Management



Casually make the hell out of some waffles during the discussion.

:jerry:

bird.

DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:

my son and i don't speak in the clasical sense and instead choose to communicate through a series of interpretive vape tricks and intricate yo-yo maneuvers

I pass down my vape tricks to my teenage kids, such that they experience a rich legacy of intra-family vaping

Pot Smoke Phoenix



Smoke 'em if you gottem!
As a responsible parent I of course installed the Uber app on all my children's phones. Where I excel as a parent is I got my Uber license and drive them around and charge them, thereby teaching them the value of money, how to be responsible with needing a ride someplace, plus their mother and I know where they are and who they're with

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

Robot Made of Meat

Vynar posted:

Sit them down with a serious and yet not stern tone. Hand them a spoon and ask them to hold it. Thank them then talk about whatever serious issue you have. They will be too confused by the spoon to fight you. The key is to remain serious and make sure that you do not laugh at all unless relevant to the conversation. You ignore the spoon.


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

Kthulhu5000

by R. Guyovich
paradoxically, teenagers seem to like puberty, but hate talking about it.

so you can throw them off by starting every serious interaction with something loud and fast like "HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM!" and then quickly tossing in the actual subject of what you want to talk about.

"HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! Also, your grandpa is coming to visit this weekend."

"HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! Also, we're going out and you need to babysit your younger siblings. There's pizza money on the counter."

""HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! The coach says your grades are awful and you might be cut from the team!"

They'll be too embarrassed and abashed to automatically argue with you, and then you win.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Robot Made of Meat

Kthulhu5000 posted:

paradoxically, teenagers seem to like puberty, but hate talking about it.

so you can throw them off by starting every serious interaction with something loud and fast like "HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM!" and then quickly tossing in the actual subject of what you want to talk about.

"HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! Also, your grandpa is coming to visit this weekend."

"HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! Also, we're going out and you need to babysit your younger siblings. There's pizza money on the counter."

""HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! The coach says your grades are awful and you might be cut from the team!"

They'll be too embarrassed and abashed to automatically argue with you, and then you win.

This can be doubly embarrassing and confusing if your teenager is of the female variety.


Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

Twenty Four


Splatmaster posted:

As a responsible parent I of course installed the Uber app on all my children's phones. Where I excel as a parent is I got my Uber license and drive them around and charge them, thereby teaching them the value of money, how to be responsible with needing a ride someplace, plus their mother and I know where they are and who they're with

Sham bam bamina!

ƨtupid cat
just fart* into their face, trust me its the new thing now

*really hard

little munchkin
a good way to connect with your teen is to describe things as "dope". it's teenage slang that means you think something is good

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

vanisher

little munchkin posted:

a good way to connect with your teen is to describe things as "dope". it's teenage slang that means you think something is good

"My... my father always called me a dope. Now on my deathbed I realize he was just trying to speak to me the only way he knew how."



Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext

bird.

vanisher posted:

"My... my father always called me a dope. Now on my deathbed I realize he was just trying to speak to me the only way he knew how."

Lol

Pot Smoke Phoenix



Smoke 'em if you gottem!
One way to talk to your son or daughter would be "WHAT THE HECK IS OUR WI FI PASSWORD AGAIN DAMMIT" or "WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU KIDS SCORE ME BETTER WEED" or "DO I LOOK LIKE I'M MADE OF BITCOINS!" (sorry for all the yelling)

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

Kthulhu5000

by R. Guyovich
our teens today are into razorblade motorcycles, neon sparkoff music, Rambo games, TV hamburgers, and horny movies. All under a star wars spiderweb sky of perpetual flaming night.

try connecting with today's teen around these subjects and remember, if you ain't getting into trouble, then you ain't doing something wrong.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

google THIS

Kthulhu5000 posted:

paradoxically, teenagers seem to like puberty, but hate talking about it.

so you can throw them off by starting every serious interaction with something loud and fast like "HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM!" and then quickly tossing in the actual subject of what you want to talk about.

"HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! Also, your grandpa is coming to visit this weekend."

"HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! Also, we're going out and you need to babysit your younger siblings. There's pizza money on the counter."

""HAVE YOUR BALLS DROPPED YET I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT THEM! The coach says your grades are awful and you might be cut from the team!"

They'll be too embarrassed and abashed to automatically argue with you, and then you win.

This is a good tactic in general, aces to use during a job interview.

lmbo calrissian

i'm into fashion
men are my passion
Son youve outgrown the fart machine radio. I present to you the DJ airhorn

bird.

"Son I'm about to show you something that will change your life forever..."

"Yes, dad?"

"Turn your phone off, this is something far more complicated​ than a facebook algorithm could ever figure out."

*Turning phone off* "Okay dad I'm ready."

*Dad opens the hood of a broken car*: "Alright son I need 3 theories on why this car won't start. Accuracy isn't important. Go, go, go."

Plebian Parasite

I always fly a drone into his room and filter my voice to make it sound more robotic. He finds the soulless droning of my voice and the thrumming of the rotary blades to be comforting enough to bare his soul, and with an onboard camera i can send the video file directly to the therapist as well.

Impkins Patootie





BrownianMotion posted:

"Son I'm about to show you something that will change your life forever..."

"Yes, dad?"

"Turn your phone off, this is something far more complicated​ than a facebook algorithm could ever figure out."

*Turning phone off* "Okay dad I'm ready."

*Dad opens the hood of a broken car*: "Alright son I need 3 theories on why this car won't start. Accuracy isn't important. Go, go, go."

*New Slang plays on in background*

Manifisto


steampunk all the way

need your teen to vacuum? glue some gears and poo poo to your vacuum cleaner, they will want to use it because it looks cool

kid needs to study harder? glue gears to textbook, BAM

they need a new iphone to reassert their social status? glue some gears to their old iphone, they'll be the envy of their peer group

once you know the formula, there's no problem you can't solve quickly and cheaply, esp. if you buy gears and glue in bulk


ty nesamdoom!

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Twenty Four


Manifisto posted:

steampunk all the way

need your teen to vacuum? glue some gears and poo poo to your vacuum cleaner, they will want to use it because it looks cool

kid needs to study harder? glue gears to textbook, BAM

they need a new iphone to reassert their social status? glue some gears to their old iphone, they'll be the envy of their peer group

once you know the formula, there's no problem you can't solve quickly and cheaply, esp. if you buy gears and glue in bulk

Do not glue gears to your teens junk, chaos ensues.

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