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mormonpartyboat
Jan 14, 2015

by Reene
i have performed secret surveys of the palate of CSPAM, and i have calculated three special ingredients that truly embody the cuisine of this wonderful subforum. i have decided to challenge myself by producing a wonderful meal using these ingredients, and i welcome all of you to join me in this endeavor! the rules are:

1) there will be three secret ingredients, and you must use at least one secret ingredient in every dish. these ingredients' flavors should be emphasized in the dish, not hidden. celebrate them!!!
2) you must produce a three course meal. appetizer, main course, dessert. inventing an alcoholic refreshment to go along with the meal is a wonderful way to receive bonus points!!!
3) creativity is important, but so is edibility! there are starving kids in kansas that u should think about before wasting food in a dumb gag that you'll take a taste from and then throw out. make it tasty, then give us a trip report!!!
4) post your recipes!!! especially if its tasty, there is no greater joy in life than to share and be shared in return 🌹🌹🌹
5) im going to close the thread on the 18th at around midnight, so get your entries in! im going to try to get my presentation done in the next two days or so
6) remember this is the part of the dead gay comedy forum where shitposts go to have existential crises so try to have fun!!! also you wont win anything except the respect of your peers~~~~~~~

so with no more blabla, on to the show

your secret ingredients are:

:siren:RANCH DRESSING:siren:



:siren:RANCH SEASONING:siren:



:siren:COOL RANCH DORITOS:siren:











allez cuisine!

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Duscat
Jan 4, 2009
Fun Shoe
oh my christ i was so onboard until i saw the ingredients, gonna have to wait for the next grocery run this weekend, because somehow i don't seem to have any of that poo poo in stock

i don't even have buttermilk to make ranch

e: defs would tend towards making my own ranch dressing with the assumption that ranch = buttermilk + mayo + spices, is this acceptable to the judges, or do i need hidden valley specifically, or onions and other american garbage in general

e2: actually let me withdraw that, we're doing this poo poo old school, and if hidden valley ranch kills the dish, that dish deserves to die

Duscat fucked around with this message at 04:43 on Jun 9, 2017

mormonpartyboat
Jan 14, 2015

by Reene
you got plenty of time, friendo! ive been thinking for a few days so i have a head start

i still need to pick some things up tomorrow but im v excited to see if the wackier ideas end up edible

The Glumslinger
Sep 24, 2008

Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?


Hair Elf
If I can think of a dessert, I'll take a stab. I already have ideas for the first 2 courses

mormonpartyboat
Jan 14, 2015

by Reene
nothing is mandatory friendo, if you can't think of something i'd def rather u share what u have than just quit because ~the rules~

gently caress the police

The Glumslinger
Sep 24, 2008

Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?


Hair Elf

mormonpartyboat posted:

nothing is mandatory friendo, if you can't think of something i'd def rather u share what u have than just quit because ~the rules~

gently caress the police

Oh god, I managed to think of dessert, but I have no clue if I can pull it off



Oh god, it doesn't even turn up any google results, I've gotta try this

Lindsey O. Graham
Dec 31, 2016

"We're not generating enough angry white guys to stay in business for the long term."

- The Chief
bookmarked this thread :q:

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



Lindsey O. Graham posted:

bookmarked this thread :q:

mormonpartyboat
Jan 14, 2015

by Reene

Duscat posted:

e2: actually let me withdraw that, we're doing this poo poo old school, and if hidden valley ranch kills the dish, that dish deserves to die

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Al!
Apr 2, 2010

:coolspot::coolspot::coolspot::coolspot::coolspot:
i absolutely hate ranch to the point where the smell makes me gag and im looking forward to participating

Brother Friendship
Jul 12, 2013

*makes karate chop motion and screeches autisticly*

mags
May 30, 2008

I am a congenital optimist.
ranch salmon soup

1 can of salmon chunks
1 stick of butter
2 cups of milk
1/2 cup of ranch
1 packet of ranch seasoning
1 bag of Cool Ranch Doritos

Combine salmon, butter, mlik, ranch, and ranch seasoning into large pot on low heat, do not boil
Remove from heat when at satisfactory temp
Salt and Pepper to taste
Serve with Doritos

crazy cloud
Nov 7, 2012

by Cyrano4747
Lipstick Apathy

Lindsey O. Graham posted:

bookmarked this thread :q:

Al!
Apr 2, 2010

:coolspot::coolspot::coolspot::coolspot::coolspot:
what im planning on doing to myself is going 2 be brutal

Broken Box
Jan 29, 2009

I despise mayo and ranch in all forms so I'll jump in on a round of this that won't make me gag

MariusLecter
Sep 5, 2009

NI MUERTE NI MIEDO
:thunk:

RANCH DRESSING (Main course)
Spaghetti and Ranch seasoned meatballs with Ranch sauce.

RANCH SEASONING (Appetizer)
Ranch seasoned chicken bites.

COOL RANCH DORITOS (Dessert)
Ranch icecream with Dorito bits.

There's an icecream maker sale at walmart theyre like $40, got $74 on my plasma donor card, could pick one up for this stupid thread lmao

byob historian
Nov 5, 2008

I'm an animal abusing piece of shit! I deliberately poisoned my dog to death and think it's funny! I'm an irredeemable sack of human shit!
no milk? :sad: how do you expect to rule from

Brother Friendship
Jul 12, 2013

Buffalo Chicken Wing Dip w/ Ranch
1 rotesserie chicken, shredded
1 or 2 cups, whatever, of hot sauce
1 block of cream cheese
1 bag shredded cheddar

cook in a crock pot you fat bitch

ROUND 2

Cut up veggies then coat 'em in a batter MADE FROM loving RANCH DRESSING

Round 3

Cornbread pudding where the corn meal is blendered up doritos
like a bag of that
a can of creamed corn
a can of whole corn kernels
a stick or two of butter

BAKE IT IN THE OVEN TIL FIRM @ 350

mormonpartyboat
Jan 14, 2015

by Reene
im looking forward to everyones pictures!!!

Al!
Apr 2, 2010

:coolspot::coolspot::coolspot::coolspot::coolspot:

mormonpartyboat posted:

im looking forward to everyones pictures!!!

im just in the planning stage right now, i need to find out if ranch seasoning will dissolve in melted sugar

mormonpartyboat
Jan 14, 2015

by Reene

Al! posted:

im just in the planning stage right now, i need to find out if ranch seasoning will dissolve in melted sugar

you should see the monstrosities in my freezer

Lastgirl
Sep 7, 1997


Good Morning!
Sunday Morning!
buncha ranch holes

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



I'm not interested in actually cooking this but just jogging my thinking muscle:

Appetizer:
Ranch Fondue with. Roasted crudite, Dorito celebration, and ranch Parmesan crisps

Dinner:
Dorito-crusted 'chicken kiev' with ranch dressing and parsley
Blistered ranch broccoli rabe
Cheddar polenta

Dessert:
Ranch Brownie ala mode
mountain dew ice cream
Ranch syrup drizzle
Dorito garnish

Business Gorillas fucked around with this message at 19:34 on Jun 9, 2017

Al!
Apr 2, 2010

:coolspot::coolspot::coolspot::coolspot::coolspot:

mormonpartyboat posted:

you should see the monstrosities in my freezer

never go home with a guy who tells you this

byob historian
Nov 5, 2008

I'm an animal abusing piece of shit! I deliberately poisoned my dog to death and think it's funny! I'm an irredeemable sack of human shit!

mormonpartyboat posted:

im looking forward to everyones pictures!!!

FormerPoster
Aug 5, 2004

Hair Elf
It's hosed up that I'm actually wondering if you could grind up enough Cool Ranch Doritos to make a cornbread out of them

MariusLecter
Sep 5, 2009

NI MUERTE NI MIEDO

Naerasa posted:

It's hosed up that I'm actually wondering if you could grind up enough Cool Ranch Doritos to make a cornbread out of them

Family size bag outta do it.

Brother Friendship
Jul 12, 2013

Naerasa posted:

It's hosed up that I'm actually wondering if you could grind up enough Cool Ranch Doritos to make a cornbread out of them

That was a joke at first and then I realized it would probably own

mormonpartyboat
Jan 14, 2015

by Reene
alrightttt did all my shopping so im going to be cooking all day tomorrow whooo

Al!
Apr 2, 2010

:coolspot::coolspot::coolspot::coolspot::coolspot:
im thinking about some kind of deconstructed sloppy joe on a cool ranch crostini

im on the net me boys
Feb 19, 2017

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhhjjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh cannabis
The appetizer is a line of the ranch powder and all the other courses are cancelled in favor of railing more lines

Victory Position
Mar 16, 2004

I'm a horrible cook, so my idea of a cool ranch cake will not come to fruition :doh:

Duscat
Jan 4, 2009
Fun Shoe
Aspiring Iron Chef Duscat has once again taken the time to write a beautifully calligraphed menu!

Surprisingly, there are only two listed dishes this time, perhaps the chef is planning a surprise?

Back to you Fukui-san!

im on the net me boys
Feb 19, 2017

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjhhhhhhjhhhhhhhhhjjjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh cannabis

Duscat posted:

Aspiring Iron Chef Duscat has once again taken the time to write a beautifully calligraphed menu!

Surprisingly, there are only two listed dishes this time, perhaps the chef is planning a surprise?

Back to you Fukui-san!



Dorito tempura mushrooms sounds actually good

mormonpartyboat
Jan 14, 2015

by Reene
this is going to be a loving circus in the kitchen so im actually doing up a cooking order lmao

also gently caress i bought dates and not figs

Duscat
Jan 4, 2009
Fun Shoe

mormonpartyboat posted:

this is going to be a loving circus in the kitchen so im actually doing up a cooking order lmao

also gently caress i bought dates and not figs

lol

i may have to buy a goddamn deep fat fryer

Squizzle
Apr 24, 2008




Lindsey O. Graham posted:

bookmarked this thread :q:

Bip Roberts
Mar 29, 2005
I wonder if there's a way to get a heat stable ranch so you can replace the deep fry oil with ranch itself.

mormonpartyboat
Jan 14, 2015

by Reene

Bip Roberts posted:

I wonder if there's a way to get a heat stable ranch so you can replace the deep fry oil with ranch itself.

from testing, if you bake ranch it doesnt crisp at all, and in fact kind of degenerates into gooey oil

would probably need to strain the solids through like cheesecloth and then add some extra oil to reduce its thickness but~~~

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The Glumslinger
Sep 24, 2008

Coach Nagy, you want me to throw to WHAT side of the field?


Hair Elf
I'm not sure if I'm gonna have the time for the whole meal, but someone needs to try to make Ranch Meringues

Probably would want to use Ranch powder, since I think the fat of ranch dressing might break the foam

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