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Generally speaking retail work is a Lovecraft-ian nightmare and every day can I go home without having my eyeballs sucked out my nostrils for an imperceptible slight to some reeking blonde hellbeast from another dimension is a day I thank god, pet my cat, and pray that the sweet release of death will come soon.
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Jun 13, 2017 21:42
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 21:06 |
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That's because after enough time in (a) service industry, most specifically retail you just can't turn off that subtle vibe that says "I'm here to help you sir and/or ma'am in any way I can!" Use this to your advantage to gently caress with random strangers.
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Jun 17, 2017 17:09
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Starman Super DX posted:*a gargatuan mass of moaning flesh and bone staggers itself before you, sloughing off bits of evaporating skin and polo uniforms. It smacks some organs together in a way that seems to sound as though it's speaking to you.* See, now this guy gets me.
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Jun 20, 2017 00:27
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I put a very large sign in the front window of the store at eye level stating "NO PUBLIC RESTROOM" complete with red underlining and bold italicized font and I still get asked multiple times a shift if I'll let them into the back of the store unsupervised to take a wicked dump. Usually a "Sorry can't let anyone in the back with the loose stock" will suffice but sometimes you get some screechy harpie who has a meltdown about it and threatens to take my staffers eyeballs out. The few times I've had to kick people out of the store is for sneaking into the back to take a wicked dump. Motherfucker, nobody else on staff cleans the goddamn bathroom but me I am not your potential personal butthole attendant. There's a goddamn CHAIN bolted into the walls with a "STAFF ONLY" sign on it. I make it very goddamn clear there is no public restroom precisely because of the above stories. Ignore at your own peril and get bent. Also theft will get you D/Ced and banned.
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Jun 20, 2017 01:53
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loving ancient geezers asking for a veterans discount then when I ask to see a former military ID or Veterans Affairs card they get abusive is always the funniest goddamn thing 'cause store policy is Active Duty Only At Clerks Discretion. Usually the only ones who get it at my shop are the ones who actually are subtle and use their active duty ID as a form of identification. Same goes for people who want to haggle on bottles. Don't demand a discount just because you're alive (this actually happened to me once), start trying to figure out what are slow moving products that I might be amenable to negotiations about. Context: I manage a liquor store.
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Jun 27, 2017 03:57
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diabeetz posted:I don't really understand what cashiers do all day. Like how do you get through 4 hour shifts, let alone 9 hours? I entertain myself by contemplating the eventual heat death of the universe and how in the grand scheme of things, all of the sweaty tit-moneyed, slack jawed yokels who can't read any signage what so ever will all ultimately be gone in the searing hot-cold of eternity where all life has been snuffed out by entropys unflinching and uncaring gaze. It's one of the few things that warms the cold cockles of my heart anymore.
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Jul 5, 2017 05:07
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There's this one guy who comes in and I swear to good he'll wear the same clothing for a month at a time. As you can imagine he smells like smashed assholes encrusted in pissy smegma. He's not homeless and he drives a nice car. I keep wanting to kick him out of the store but my boss told me I can't so I just started keeping a can of air freshener by the register for when he comes in not that it does a drat thing. It's July in the South dude, go power wash your balls. Edit: I like mornings in retail. Plenty of time to read and argue about authoritarian power systems with the ice machine.
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Jul 7, 2017 17:46
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The trick to haggling is being observant and finding the stuff that you know has been there a while and otherwise have a history with the store. If you don't meet these prerequisites gently caress right off. Also can we stop talking about loving tipping, Jesus Christ. Tell stories about making GBS threads your pants at work after a Tuesday night bender brought on by an overwhelming sense of innui thanks to yet another year stuck behind a register. MC Hawking fucked around with this message at 22:34 on Jul 7, 2017 |
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Jul 7, 2017 22:28
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I gotta guy who smells like three week old piss and gangrine and he literally pissed himself in the store and my boss won't let me ban him despite the fact that every time he comes in we have to open all the doors to air the place out. His justification is the guy ain't drunk so his money must be good. I've gotten in the habit of squirting his money with hand sanitizer when he hands it to me as petty revenge. gently caress you stinky dude, I'm not walking you to your car quit asking.
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Jul 29, 2017 18:38
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I had a customer try to intimidate me into giving him the owners personal cell phone number so he could bitch about me because I directed him to a trash can outside of the store to drop a literal bag of poo poo into instead of one of the trash cans in side of the store. He didn't take kindly being told "No, I will not give you the owners personal cell phone number on a Saturday evening when he's at home with his kids." ???
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Aug 2, 2017 14:13
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5er posted:Your manager is probably thanking gently caress for you. I am the manager so I checked him out and wished him a pleasant evening then when he started in on me again my bouncer told him it's not worth the argument and the dude needs to leave NOW.
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Aug 2, 2017 21:01
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Applesnots posted:The ol' "I dont get paid enough to fake genuine human emotions" works pretty well. "Corporate didn't spring for the training course in humor when I was decanted from the breeding vat/cloning pod/spawning chamber/Lazarus vault." Usually takes a minute for that one to register, especially if your delivery is as deadpan as humanly possible. Tweak as needed for audience. MC Hawking fucked around with this message at 21:36 on Aug 23, 2017 |
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Aug 23, 2017 21:31
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I out of the roughly dozen times I've been asked my name, only once by a non-regular has it ever been for a benign reason. Refusing to tell some crabby biddy your name is hilarious though. What are they gonna do? They already want to bitch to someone nominally in charge or just make a scene. Refusing them the dubious pleasure of acting like self indulgent morons is half the fun of retail. You can see why I didn't last at a corporate chain grocery store for long. Now I manage a liquor store with a half dozen employees. Like I'm gonna give some harpy my bosses phone number on a Friday night when he's home with his kids because she thinks I wasn't deferential enough? gently caress that. MC Hawking fucked around with this message at 22:29 on Aug 23, 2017 |
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Aug 23, 2017 22:20
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Glenn Quebec posted:Yeah, man. You're super cool and tough. Follow your own rules. 99% of the time it doesn't come to that but hey, I gotta thing about condescending people. Nice low effort troll though, ya really got me! 
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Aug 23, 2017 22:36
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 21:06 |
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Toe taps are used for leather soled dress shoes or boots. I'd imagine most minimum wage retail drones aren't going to be springing for a pair of cordovan Aldens, let alone the extra cost for a cobbler to install Dainite soles which prevent the necessity for toe taps in the first place. Cheaper to just burn out a pair of sneakers with good insoles every year. I've been saving up for Aldens but will likely settle for redwing heritage boots. I'm biased thought, I wear AE dress shoes to work pretty regularly because I like looking good. 
MC Hawking fucked around with this message at 19:11 on Aug 24, 2017 |
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Aug 24, 2017 19:02
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