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Greetings Ask/Tell. I am a diagnosed schizophrenic who is stable/medicated and is unusually aware of how my illness impacts the way I think and communicate. I have been posting threads for several years over in D&D about growing up in an extremist/authoritarian environment. I originally started posting those threads while I was living in a very unique/experimental homeless community called "Haven for Hope". Although I have touched upon some of this material before I feel that I am at a stage in my recovery where it would be beneficial for me to write about/share some of the experiences I had living in Haven for Hope for two years. (Important caveat: I have explored my experiences being raised in authoritarian environments to my likely lifelong satisfaction and do not intend to discuss that material in this thread. This thread is specifically about my experiences being a homeless schizophrenic and living in a truly unique environment with its own complex culture.) Haven for Hope is a truly unique place chock full of striking contrasts and every imaginable aspect of humanity is perpetually turned up to 11. It is a place where no matter what your ideology, political beliefs, or worldview, you will have them profoundly challenged in a life-altering way if you spend anything more than 5 minutes there. The entire effort is a huge public-private partnership between the City of San Antonio and the Chairman of the Board of Nustar Energy. The facility is a massive multi-acre campus housing facilities used by 83 separate programs (various Federal, State, and Private organizations all make some level of use of the facility) dedicated solely to the treatment of homelessness and its attendant issues. Although the total numbers of residents fluctuates depending on a a few factors (weather, time of month, holidays causing hotel prices to skyrocket, etc) there are generally between 1200 to 1600 residents, including over 200 children. Many Faiths and charities make regular visits there and provide feedings and those feedings are the rhythm of life that the community functions around. Sikhs come every 3rd Thursday with lentil soup and (incredibly hard to get while homeless) fresh salad greens. Baptists come every 2nd Friday with Deer Chili. These and other regular feedings are always profoundly anticipated events. Haven for Hope is intentionally separated into two entirely different communities ("prospects" and "members") and and the design of the facility is such that it in every way possible these communities are encouraged not to interact with each other. (Each community uses distinct entrances separated by several blocks worth of walking for starters.) This structure is believe it or not part of the brilliance of Haven for Hope and what enables them to meet the needs of two very different but important parts of the homeless community. Members live on what is called "Members Side", and it is a homeless shelter out of a Norman Rockwell painting. No, seriously, I'm not being sarcastic, it is literally what Norman Rockwell would have painted if he had ever tried to romanticize a homeless shelter. Flower hedges lead up to the dining hall which is across the gorgeous multi-fatih worship facility. Children frolic about in a grassy field or ride their bikes and roller-skates along the spotless white pavement. Residents live in military-like barracks with assigned beds and private lockers. The rules are detailed and their enforcement is taken seriously. Folk here are generally very quiet, respectful. (Living in Members Side is a privilege earned by showing some level of commitment to improving your situation and as a result is populated by people who want out of homelessness badly enough to tolerate the strict rules and constant searches for contraband.) Most hours the only real source of noise is the din of boisterous children at play. (Edit: Found an image of Members Side. On the far left is the multi-faith facility, in the middle is the Transformation Center, and on the right are some of the SRO's (Single Resident Occupancy) and the guard booth. Prospects live in "Prospects Courtyard" and it is....... very different from Members Side. "PCY" as it is known by is a place where anyone can show up with nothing and receive at least some food, some basic medical care, access to showers, and a mat to sleep on at night. (And not very loving much else) PCY is a place that after spending 45 minutes trying to write this paragraph I have simply concluded is just impossible to summarize; for I fear that in the attempt to do so it would seem as if I was either ungrateful for the aid I received or that the facility is badly run. Neither of those things are true of course, I am grateful beyond my ability to express in words for the aid I received while I was in PCY and honest to God the staff is running the place better than could be reasonably asked for. But there is no getting around the fact that the place is immensely unpleasant in a wide variety of ways that most readers will find quite novel to read about because it is simply so beyond their experiences. (I once for example saw someone buy a blowjob for 4 cigarettes) PCY is a hellish mishmash of the absolute best and worst aspects of humanity metaphorically and literally puking all over themselves while begging invisible demons to relent their ceaseless torment. It is a place where people who are just legally sane enough to refuse treatment/forced commitment spend all day babbling, or worse. It is where San Antonio houses all their pedophiles and rapists that they don't know what else to do with. It is where everyone who exits the 10,000 resident County Jail down the street and has nowhere else to go winds up. (Parole Officers are regularly in the facility for a wide variety of reasons) It is where every conceivable variation of dysfunctional addict goes to either hit rock bottom or die from their addiction. It is where people who don't even know what State they were born in wind up because they have never in their lives been able to obtain legal ID's. Every variant of conman, manipulator, predator, pickpocket, murderer, and unrepentant psychopath can be found here and in good abundance. People with uncontrollable Tourette Syndrome start making sounds you would not have thought possible to be created with the human voice, and this in turns triggers a woman with multiple personalities to begin arguing with what she perceives as the disrespectful pattern in these strange noises, and that in turn causes a schizophrenic to begin loudly prophesying as if they were a televangelist working an excited crowd. It is a place where the threat of violence is very real and omnipresent. 110 pound Iraq Vets hospitalize security guards during flashbacks and brawls happen at least a half-dozen times a day. Edit: Found an approved imagine of the interior of PCY. During my stay there it was rarely this clean, however I understand that things have improved since I last lived there in 2014. I arrived in Haven for Hope at pretty much the rock-bottom point in my life, with about 30 bucks in my pocket and a fresh pack of smokes and whatever clothing I could fit into my singular piece of luggage.. Although I had been experiencing schizophrenic symptoms ever since childhood I had somehow managed to putter along in denial for a very long time. Eventually though my illness had come to dominate my life and I had burned every bridge I had ever had and had been unable to find steady work for years. I had finally come to a point where I knew I was going to wind up homeless so I went online looking for the best city to survive in a and find help. Some people on City-Forums recommended Haven for Hope and based on this and a phone call to Haven I had come to San Antonio (on a ticket that had been donated by a kind stranger who read my thread on City-Forums). I lived for 11 weeks in PCY before moving over to Members side where I lived first in a special mental illness residential program for 7 months before moving into general pop for about a year. It was during this time that I first received proper diagnosis and treatment for my mental illness and began my long process of recovery. After that I moved into the main male dorm on Members side for about a year before eventually qualifying for a program that housed me in a regular apartment at no cost to myself for a year. I am more than happy to describe in detail anything at all about living in either side of Haven for Hope or the experiences I had throughout the entire journey. The only exception I will make is that I will substitute actual streetnames ( street nicknames) with approximates to protect identities. I also will not link any non-official photos or videos of Haven for Hope as there are good reasons to protect the privacy of individuals living there and Haven for Hope genuinely makes a best faith effort to do so. I also will not discuss my direct experiences with suicidal ideation but I will discuss what it is like to be a part of a community where people discuss struggling not to kill themselves in a manner normally reserved for discussing vexxing weather conditions. Outside of suicidal ideation though I do not mind discussing my symptoms or the experience of getting diagnosed and going on meds for the first time/attending group therapy. Outside of Haven for Hope there is also a fairly unique culture w/r/t the homeless in San Antonio and there are some pretty unique things there like "Church Under the Bridge, a fully modern church facility funded by a local pizza magnate (owns like 33 Little Ceasar's in San Antonio) where except the pastor literally everyone is homless. (Yes, the choir is also homeless). There are also some really remarkable programs that local religious organizations provide the homeless in open defiance of local efforts to shut them down in order to force more homeless people to rely on Haven for Hope. So thread with that lengthy introduction concluded, ask away. Prester Jane fucked around with this message at 01:31 on Jun 21, 2017 |
# ¿ Jun 20, 2017 18:20 |
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# ¿ May 5, 2024 08:47 |
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PurpleButterfly posted:Another excellent OP, PJ. I have loved reading all your threads so far. Within San Antonio the policy has been a mixed blessing, has been enforced in a very mixed way (some of the larger Church's in town have extensive outreach programs to the homeless and basically double-dog-dared the police to arrest a bunch of clergy.) In San Antonio there is a surprisingly large population of honest-to-god compassionate conservatives and the various religious organizations in San Antonio hold some pretty extensive pull in local politics. So the police never went after some of the more powerful organizations but did drive off a bunch of the smaller feedings/organizations. It is my understanding that those church's/organizations were welcome to relocate their existing programs into Haven for Hope, but for a variety of reasons this was not always practical/possible/desired. (This is Texas after all and the idea of a big centralized location for a particular service does not always sit too well.) Part of the motivation for the Haven for Hope is to give the homeless population of San Antonio somewhere other than the Riverwalk to be all day while as many of them are transferred into long term housing as possible. The idea behind preventing much of the other programs from operating wherever/forcing them to operate through Haven of Hope was to drive the homeless population of San Antonio to have to rely on the Haven for services and therefor get more of them enrolled in the various programs that help people get off the streets.When I was still using homeless services in San Antonio it was well known that this this policy was being very selectively enforced and was being quietly pulled back on. (One of the better Sunday feedings took place in a police impound lot that they looked the other way for a group that made a 2 hour road trip every week to feed us.) Part of the motivation for pulling back came from learning the hard way that there is a certain percentage of the homeless population who will simply resort to crime rather than either live in or relocate their tent somewhere nearby the Haven. Removing enough feedings within a certain are,a and petty theft/shoplifting/panhandling would shoot through the roof. Another unexpected development Haven learned the hard way (and really there is no way they could have forseen this, so much of what they do and the scale they are doing it at is is completely experimental) is a disproportionate portion of the homeless people you can easily force to relocate by cutting services are the ones you wish would stay well the gently caress away from everyone else. There was a real problem with a certain class of predatory homeless people that had been lifetime banned from Haven but still spent most of their time hanging out in the general vicinity of the campus. They often formed gangs and handled much of the drug trafficking that went through PCY. They had connections to the local prison gangs (The Country Jail of 10k inmates is literally 1 block down the road from PCY) In exchange they had friends who had not been kicked out who would bring them food/whatever was available from within PCY, often in exchange for small quantities of very very very lovely drugs. Let me stress that this particular group was several hundred strong and spread out in inconsistent cluster in an area approximately a mile radius out from Haven. Some of these individuals were the worst of the worst the human race has to offer, the very meanest and most unpredictable motherfuckers I have ever had the displeasure of knowing. (I once had a ringleader of one of these groups shout out to me "If there weren't 6 of you with her right now I would be raping that bitch" in reference to a young homeless woman who was traveling with my group to a feeding. He was not making a joke and it was not an idle threat.) Their camps and the areas around them were considered to be very dangerous and not to be ventured into unless you had a loving good reason and had brought some (preferably well connected) friends. There was a woman I knew who was a heroin addict and in the midst of withdrawals decided to chance going into one of those areas (several wooded copses interweaving some highway overpasses) at 4 in the morning hoping to score. A gang caught her and gangraped her. She spent thirty minutes in shock before she managed to collect herself enough to get moving. Another gang caught her and gangraped her. Fortunately the police found her shortly thereafter (wandering in a daze naked and apparently threatening to jump off a bridge) and she survived. Figuring out how to either drive away or disperse that particular crowd without giving the Haven such a bad rep that it made it hard to get more homeless people to willingly enter it was an ongoing learning process while I was there. The solution the police seemed to have hit upon was to selectively break up the homeless camping locations that became populated by that particular crowd. Prester Jane fucked around with this message at 00:27 on Jun 21, 2017 |
# ¿ Jun 20, 2017 23:03 |
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occamsnailfile posted:This is all pretty fascinating stuff. I'd heard vaguely about San Antonio shutting down certain homeless feedings--it doesn't ever make for good press even if they have something like a good reason for doing it. The articles I read suggested that in some cases local residents/business owners were complaining about the feedings attracting people, which just sounds cold-hearted to me. I can't say if I agree with forced centralization, I'm really not expert enough in the area, but it certainly seems to give a safer ground for professional staff to work from to treat people with long-term disorders that are at the root of their homelessness. Haven for Hope sounds like at least a good attempt at solving the problem rather than ignoring it letting people fester on scraps. Some of them may indeed be real motherfuckers but better at least to know where they are I guess? Unless the state feels like shouldering the expense of imprisoning them. Its complicated, some of them have never done anything (or at least not recently) to anyone who was actually going to show up in court and testify against them. (In PCY if two dudes brawled they were jsut banned for a short period, usually no more than a week and sometimes as a little as one night depending on the circumstances. Unless an ambulance ride was involved the police did not get invovled in a brawl between the homeless) Others were out on bail and/or otherwise awaiting trial. Others literally hid during the light of day and only ventured out at night to run errands for prison gangs. The general consensus was that the real problem was when the density of these individuals became too great in a n area. You couldn't prevent them from being somewhere but you could prevent them from running an area. If too many of them moved into an area they would effectively take over the area and become an active menace to local residents. quote:
Haven for Hope is in many aspects the absolute best thing that can actually be done under the circumstances and accomplishes way more good than anyone has any right to ask of it. Haven is designed to help meet the needs of the homeless population and part of that is dealing with mental illness. Haven has its own on site psychiatrist office,pharmacy, counselors, security staff trained to deal with mental illness, and a huuuge variety of support groups run by a grab-bag of organizations/residents. (Name an addiction and pick a faith: there is a support group for that and it probably meets in the multi-faith facility.) Overall the assistance I received was pretty good and much better than many others in my circumstances have access too. That said there are criticisms I could level but they are largely more to do with "What would be a better way to help the mentally ill in an ideal setting" versus "what Haven could to to improve things right now". All in all there are really rather few suggestions I would make that Haven could actually do anything about. Going form being homelss and having no formal history of diagnosis to getting a diagnosis and getting on meds was possible at Haven, but it took me 11 weeks to do so and that was only because I stayed on my case like a bloodhound. I can understand the need for gatekeepers in such a situation, but because of the complications in getting funded for the various programs I went through like loving 6 gatekeepers (not an exaggeration) before I finally sat down in front of a qualified psychiatrist. There were just so many goddamn gatekeepers, and the process was so mind-numbingly frustrating. I would wait a week to go see a gatekeeper (with no clear idea how far into the process I actually was, poo poo was opaque as gently caress) spend 2 hours with a complete stranger telling them the most private things about myself to be told "come back in three days for our decision". Three days later I come back and they tell me "we are escalating your case, your next appointment is in two weeks" and they did that to me over and over. One of those gatekeepers was an rear end in a top hat who didn't like me and tried to torpedo my case after all but calling me a faker to my face. Thankfully I know my way around bureaucracy (I was raised in a cult that used a school curriculum that literally simulates a corporate office environment with the intent of producing Christian Dominionist office drones to work for the GOP) so I am well acquainted with working around lovely bureaucrats who take an irrational dislike to me. Other people who really needed the help were dissuaded from the process by the frustrating nature of it. (On the other hand I did see several very convincing fakers get tossed out on their rear end at various stages in the process, so at least there is that.) That was all while I was in PCY though. Once I was living on Members Side things changed pretty dramatically and I was drowning in support. I was living in a special mental health dorm, had 3 group therapy sessions a day 5 days a week, saw my therapist once a week, met my psychiatrist once a month for medication maintance/adjustment, and my case manager would meet with me privately for an hour twice a month. I had full medication support, my psychiatrist was in a building adjacent to my dorm and my meds were delivered right to the staff who managed the living area. (We lined up three times a day and they watched us swallow our meds exactly as prescribed and kept detailed records.) By and large it was a very positive experience, the staff was full of people who were really passionate about their work and the people in my program were all people who were there to get themselves better and get off the streets, nothing else. The excessive gatekeepers did at least mean that only the people who really wanted to be there were in that dorm, and very frequently the group therapy sessions were really something special. (Depended on who as facilitating the group though, there were some lovely facilitators who were basically doing the job in the same mechanical way one might operate a drill press.) In general showing effort to help yourself was rewarded pretty handsomely and nearly every specific request I made to the staff was granted. In the mental health dorm troublemakers( or at least most of them, there was an exception because he was in there as a favor to local law enforcement) really did not last very long. There was waiting list to get in and they could easily fill a bed next day it became available. While they had plenty of patience for people who followed at least the letter of the rules (if not the spirit) they would put the people who were there to cause problems right back in PCY. Unless they had done something severe they were generally allowed to go through the waiting list and come back in for another attempt. This was not considered too unusual actually, my case manager had a custom made sign on his desk that said "Remember, relapse is part of the process". quote:Also, it sounds like you are male, and the majority of those living homeless tend to be male--what gender ratio does Haven for Hope have? Are there specific resources for women? The safety issues present make it sound really scary for a woman alone, or with kids. Well, I identified as male when I was living in PCY but at the time my true gender (female) was really starting to come out in a big way. The situation for women was very complicated and varied greatly between PCY and Members Side. On Members Side the women had their own everything (even their own womens only entrance that connected to a fairly safe street with a corner store on it.) Children all live in the family dorm and they also have their own private everything as well as extra security (Called "Life Safety Officers" or "LSO's") in their areas. People with a history of crimes towards children (or certain violent crimes) are not permitted on Members Side. Children live as normal a life as can be arranged at Haven, there are extremely well protected bus entrances for school buses (also ambulances) for example. In PCY women had their own restroom and their own shaded sleeping area (sleeping was outdoors with mats on concrete) and that was about it. Men outnumbered women by about 8 to 1 or so. It is a very dangerous environment for women and the culture there is kind of hard to describe without sounding misogynistic. I'll probably do a full post at some point but trading favors was my preferred way of acquiring whatever I needed (smokes, food, bus tickets, etc). One of the favors that I specialized in was "wife watching" wherein I would literally be responsible for protecting someones wife/girlfriend while they were in the shelter (the man would usually be away doing day labor) and I would escort them wherever they might need to go if they needed to leave the shelter. Prester Jane fucked around with this message at 01:44 on Jun 21, 2017 |
# ¿ Jun 21, 2017 00:23 |
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Zemyla posted:Little Caesar's sounds like it's got a really awesome corporate culture. Their CEO paid for Rosa Parks's rent until she died, for instance. It makes a good contrast with Papa John's. I can believe it. The guy who pays for Church Under the Bridge (hereafter referred to as "CUB") occasionally quietly attends the services and unless you know exactly who he is you would never be aware of his presence. He is worth like 50 million or something IIRC but when he comes to CUB he dresses in a nondescript T-shirt and jeans and mostly either helps in the kitchen or serves the sweet tea during the meal. He also keeps updated postings on a bulletin board that lists every job availability at all the little Caesar's locations he owns. CUB has a full Little Caesar's kitchen in the back as well as a regular commercial kitchen. The idea behind CUB is that three times a week they hold a regular Church service and afterwards there is a meal. (Like many such charities if you want to eat you have to sit through the service first.) CUB is connected to a wide variety of Evangelical church's in the greater San Antonio area and many church's use CUB for their own outreach to the homeless. Usually 1 or 2 of the services in a given week are hosted by an outside church that comes in and uses CUB's kitchen to cook while their pastor conducts the church service. For quite a few of these church's this is an event they only do a few times a year and they pretty elaborate- some of the best meals I have ever had in my life have been in CUB. ("Hunger is the best seasoning" is no joke and when you are literally starving and someone hands you a still-smoking brisket sandwhich with just the perfect yellow mustard it is an experience worth charging 15 dollars a minute.) Granted, there are some valid criticisms I could level at CUB but those mostly relate to the head pastor being a bonified Texas good-ole boy who came strait out of the backwoods into the big city and never changed because he has spent most of his life serving homeless people. He is a genuinely great human being who is doing good work and has his intentions in the right place, but he is also stuck in a very old form of Christianity that refuses to evolve on certain issues. (He went off an a mildly anti-semitic rant during a service once for example.) On the whole though CUB (like many things in San Antonio with regards to the homeless) is a genuine good-fatih effort at making a real difference, and on the whole it does succeed in this quite well. Prester Jane fucked around with this message at 17:34 on Jun 21, 2017 |
# ¿ Jun 21, 2017 15:52 |
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PT6A posted:How do you think cities can address the problems you describe with the "predatory homeless?" There's a bit of a problem with that in my city, and it seems like if you point out that that small minority of homeless people actually does exist, you're accused of believing homeless people in general are all violent or predatory, which is obviously not the case. Off the top of my head community engagement between law enforcement and the local homeless would be the way to start learning how to tackle it. The local homeless are the ones who will know where the dangerous creitns are and what camps they are hanging out at. Plenty of homeless people would be more than happy to tell the police who the troublemakers are if they had faith that doing so might just actually matter. Prior to the creation of haven for Hope there was another homeless shelter downtown that was a festering shitpile compared to the Haven. It was however a festering shitpile where to a certain extent the local homeless self-policed and kept the predatory homeless we are talking about away. While Haven is a much nicer facility many homeless in San Antonio that I spoke too missed the old community and hated that Haven had heralded the end of their ability to self police.
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# ¿ Jun 21, 2017 17:33 |
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peanut posted:Exciting thread, op. Can you talk a little more about the timeline of development of your symptoms, and what other kind of patients were in the mental illness clinic? Let me first a little bit about my diagnosis, which is Schizoaffective Disorder, Bipolar Type II, and PTSD. To simplify things a bit Schizoaffective disorder means that I have both schizophrenia and a mood disorder (in this case Bipolar Type II) and the symptoms from those can occur either independently (I can be bedridden from depression without being delusional or hearing voices), can co-occur (I can be bedridden from depression while also hearing voices), one set of symptoms can trigger another (I can be bedridden from depression brought on from hearing voices), or they can at times be interacting in very complicated ways. (I can be in a confused and delusional state brought on by the stress of hearing voices taunt me while I am bedridden from depression.) The development of my symptoms is a little unusual in that I was very clearly experiencing and showing symptoms of schizophrenia as a child (onset for Shcizoaffective disorder is usually late 20's-early 30's) but the environment I was raised in was so dysfunctional/traumatic/superstitious that its hard for me to separate my childhood schizophrenic symptoms from the symptoms I was experiencing from gender dysphoria, being subjected to ritualized beatings , severe social isolation, and severe sensory deprivation. (I was at times forced to sit for 14 hours a day facing a corner for periods as long as a month.) Personally I suspect that the sensory deprivation played a large role in the development of my schizophrenia. I have some rather vivid memories of events that occurred while I was in dissociative states during some of the longer periods of sensory deprivation. I have memories of making up stories to pass the time and daydreaming about these stories being the original source of my internal monologue. I have memories of being locked in locked closets and experimenting with my perceptions of reality the way a child might experiment with a toy: once I found that I could make reality go all squiggly for a moment (on purpose, the first few times were by accident) and as that was by far the most interesting thing I had to pass the time with. It was also during these periods that I first started creating the geometry-based internal language that I call [pattern]. Since I had no one to talk to and very little idea of what normal social interaction was I passed the time in part by creating ways to replicate concepts I understood through abstract representations of shapes. I did not start to experience anything even vaguely resembling normal social interaction until High School and I struggled greatly to relate to my peers. I eventually found a group of teenagers to bond with however our common link was a history of well-hidden (and extreme) child abuse. Much of our early connections were made by discussing the various hallucinations we had and trying to impart spiritual meaning to the vivid PTSD dreams that were a common part of our lives but none of our other peers. Out of this high-school group would grow several of the cults I was a part of and numerous other ones I was not. In general my hallucinations and delusions were treated as psychic gifts and in return I treated their symptoms as if they were also evidence of super-powers. I wanted to go deeper into examining how I experienced the onset of my symptoms but doing so will require me to first explain some of the particulars of my internal world and how it functions, so I hope the thread will not mind if I turn this into a gigantic post by quoting two pieces I have previously written about how my schizophrenia impacts my thinking. I wanted to try and explain specifically how my mental illness impacts my thinking and how you can see some of the results of that in my use of capitalized words. Have you ever read something written by an unmedicated schizophrenic and it is full of Randomly Capitalized Words that seem to be used in such as way as to Convey A Deeper Meaning that is important to the author but Indecipherable to the reader? This is an artifact of how schizophrenics think, and I am far from immune to it. What I have done is adapt myself to it. Let me explain. Schizophrenics and Randomly Capitalized Words posted:
Prester Jane posted:
Later tonight I will go into more detail about the onset of my symptoms but I have to jet now. (So I guess this post is now a 3-parter instead of a 2-parter.) Prester Jane fucked around with this message at 18:49 on Jun 23, 2017 |
# ¿ Jun 23, 2017 18:44 |
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So my dear furbaby decided to sneak out and pick a fight with a raccoon this morning, jsut got back from the animal ER. She is going to be fine (she got very lucky, minor puncture wounds with no signs of infection) but its gonna be a bit before I have time to write the rest of this. Apologies thread.
Prester Jane fucked around with this message at 08:49 on Jun 24, 2017 |
# ¿ Jun 24, 2017 08:44 |
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Grognan posted:Pets are good. Zemyla posted:Give your furbaby a hug for us. Thank you, she is doing much better now. She is a calico I got 2 years ago as an adult rescue (she was a feral kitten that had been captured and then kept in a cage by a very mentally ill man) and she means the world to me, the both of us have done so much to work through our PTSD together. She is however a very stubborn and intelligent little snot and she was introduced into being an indoor/outdoor cat before I became her owner and she sneaks outside whenever she can. Back in San Antonio where she is from there aren't too many animals that threaten a wild cat. Thankfully it looks like the (probably,. no way to know for certain) raccoon that got her wasn't interested in causing real damage. She has a bunch of very tiny puncture wounds on her back but no pus and no abscesses. God bless Portland because even as poor as I am I was able to find an animal hospital that would take her despite my financial situation (Dove Lewis, god bless them) and they even had a charity program to pay for treatment for cases like hers. (relatively little treatment needed, excellent prognosis). The vets thoroughly cleaned the wound and gave me a couple prescriptions for her. She's been miserable and moody ever since she got home but I swear to you once I (after a not-insignificant struggle) managed to get some antibiotics and painkiller into her and put a warm compress on her back wound she purred the loudest I have ever heard her purr. I've been monitoring her water/food closely and she is eating and drinking, although not very much just yet. Miss Raven is one of the few living creatures I will outright concede is more stubborn than I am (seriously, this cat knows exactly what it wants and how it wants it and will insist on getting its way for as long as it takes) so I feel confident she will pull through and make a full recovery.
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# ¿ Jun 24, 2017 22:07 |
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Grand Prize Winner posted:Holy poo poo, it was actually 4 or so and and I just forgot it'd been that long. The one I was thinking of started when she was still there. It was hard to track down (but I really don't have much to do today), so if she doesn't mind I'll post the link (legit I'm waiting for your permission on this one PJ). So writing this thread turned out to be more of an emotional journey than I was initially expecting, but that said I am going to try to answer some more questions here. Also it is perfectly fine for you to post the link to that thread, in fact its fine to quote any of my posts from that thread into here. (I will be moving a few over myself as soon as you post the link, I have lost it myself ol.)
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# ¿ Sep 5, 2017 18:49 |
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Wizgot posted:After hearing about all the different types of people you could find at the facility you were staying at in Austin, who would you say was the most downright evil individual you have come into contact with? I hope the question is on topic and not inappropriate. You know I had to think about this for quite a while: I knew some odious individuals in PCY but in many cases I was able to think of a redeeming quality or two many of these individuals had. (an odious piece of poo poo who loves to rumor monger but can be trusted not to steal your poo poo is someone you want as a friend in PCY). So it was hard for me to label anyone I personally dealt with as outright evil as the worst individuals were out in places I very rarely ventured into. however one name springs to mind, and after thinking it over I am going to call Frank by his real name because seriously, gently caress that piece of poo poo. So Frank is a person I would call legitimately evil, and the reasons why are somewhat complicated. More to do with the consequences of his selfishness and the targets he likes to prey upon. despite being only about 24 years old, 5'5 and 110 pounds, and baby faced to top it all off. Frank is a convicted pedophile who is (at least when I knew him) married to a 19 year old woman who is also a convicted pedophile. (I don't know what she did, but it was bad enough that New Jersey labeled her a sex-predator. She once told me "he told me he was 18" when the subject came up) This poor young woman is not from a great background, and has two children and an STD via Frank. Despite both living at PCY Frank abandoned his wife twice during my time at Haven. In both cases Frank abandoned his wife for teen girls that had been dropped off by shitheaded conservative parents who were trying to teach their rebellious daughter a lesson. Frank had an almost magical ability for finding these girls and becoming their best friend. (Seriously, it was loving bizarre.) With both of these other women Frank had a several month fling that ended with Frank passing on both his STD and his genes before abandoning them too. Frank is every terrible stereotype about a mooching worthless parasite that contributes nothing to society and leaves only destruction in his wake. And he doesn't care in the slightest and loves to boast/brag about it. Frank would openly gloat at meals while he watched the women he had abandoned struggle with carrying his child to term. Frank is such a piece of poo poo that I once watched a friend of mine sucker punch Frank in PCY, only to be politely escorted out by the guards and given an overnight restriction- whereas for getting sucker punched Frank got thrown out for a week. Seriously, gently caress Frank. Prester Jane fucked around with this message at 19:38 on Sep 5, 2017 |
# ¿ Sep 5, 2017 19:35 |
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Grand Prize Winner posted:Life in San Antonio's $111million Mega-Complex for the Homeless. - https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3559376 Yeah, that is my first one. I wrote that thread while I was still living on Members side and was still getting adjusted to my medication. At the time they had also misdiagnosed me with Asperger Syndrome and I was receiving a lot of encouragement from my therapist to join aspie groups in San Antonio, which is why I mention being autistic several times in that thread. (That diagnosis has since been changed, I am a very quirky girl but probably not autistic). I also still identified as male at the time and still had a considerable portion of my existence locked up as repressed memories. Reading through that thread is strange for me at this point, almost like an out of body experience. I have changed so very much these last four years that in some ways its a bit hard to relate to who I was when I wrote that thread. I can remember sitting in members side and typing that entire thread up but right now it feels as if that all happened to someone else. Its as if the memories are mine but they belong to another identity. Everything about me has changed and moved on so far from the person I was when I wrote that thread that its hard for me to believe that it has only been four short years, it feels more like a decade has passed. As I read over that thread I just came across the following passage wherein I write about how painful it was to lose the delusions that had propped my fantasy world together.. I wonder what a Buddhist would have to say about how my life has played out in the years since I wrote this?: Prester Jane posted:As far as the whole Destiny belief thing, I don't know if reality beats the certainty of a destiny out of most. I don't know if anything ever really makes the destiny belief go away. It is *still* something I struggle with. Despite everything that has happened in the past year, there is a part of me that *still* knows I have a grand destiny, that this is all connected and all leading up to something. This part of me is much quieter now, but may never go away fully. I am learning, slowly, to live with it. At times it is like possessing to rival viewpoints of reality, literal doublethink. On the one hand I am Prester John, mentally ill man living in a homeless shelter and trying to get on his feet. On the other hand I am *PRESTER JOHN*, evolved soul who has spent lifetimes fighting against the Illuminati, cleverly hiding myself as a homeless man while I prepare myself for the showdown with the forces of evil that secretly rule this planet. This other Prester urges me constantly to stop taking my meds, because they block my 6th sense and might cause me to miss out on my destiny. I had completely forgotten about ever writing this or much of the struggle I went through in letting those delusions go. (My therapist and I worked for months on that issue alone.) When I wrote all of this the ideas for the Narrativist Framework were just starting to be developed during my counseling sessions. And then the last four years happened. Basically in releasing my connection to the delusions that fed my oversized ego/accepting myself for who I really am I gained some version of the insight I had spent so much time fantasizing over. Further, during the time I was letting go of the fantasy that I had a great destiny to lead a war against hidden forces the closet Nazis from my childhood seized control of the country. Anyone know of a good word for weapons grade irony of this level? Because brother I got nothin. Prester Jane fucked around with this message at 17:52 on Sep 6, 2017 |
# ¿ Sep 6, 2017 17:49 |
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# ¿ May 5, 2024 08:47 |
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viral spiral posted:The parts about the homeless gangs preying on other homeless people is loving terrifying, OP. The reality is that police generally aren't going to bother investigating homeless-on-homeless crime(or crimes perpetrated against homeless people), so homeless people are the safest targets for all varieties of human predators. (As one woman said during m time in PCY "If you homeless then unless you(r) death makes the evening news the police don't give a gently caress.") quote:
That memory still burns actually. She was swooped up within hours by one of the most notorious pieces of human refuse in PCY- a scumbag named "Frank"(actual name because seriously gently caress Frank). Frank had fathered and abandoned a half dozen kids by nearly as many women and was known to be positive for several STD's. Within three months she was pregnant with Frank's seventh and addicted to heroin. That poor kid never had a chance, she was totally unprepared for the kinds of predators that inhabited PCY. I feel such survivors guilt about her too because when I was her age I would have been entirely too naive to have survived PCY as well. It's so goddamned unfair that her parents just dropped off someone that innocent into a place where there are zero loving barriers between you and the absolute bottom of the abyss. She was ripped to shreds and there was nothing anyone could do about it- Frank was a sophisticated sociopath and knew how to take advantage of her trust. I tried to warn her about Frank early on in their relationship- it did not go well and I don't blame her for not believing some rando in PCY over the man she believed was her fated soulmate (lost her virginity to him) and she thought of as her white knight in this horrible loving place. I probably wouldn't have believed me either. When I was being raised around Evangelical cults there were all sorts of apocryphal stories about "tough love" turning around rebellious teens and the like. Dropping 18+ year olds off at homeless shelters (where they inevitably found Jesus and came crawling back like a good prodigal child) was one of the more frequent formats of these bullshit stories. At this point in my life I genuinely don't know how I would react if someone started telling one of those "tough love" stories around me, but I would probably not react well. porkswordonboard posted:Super fascinating thread, Prester. I can't remember if this has been covered, but what's your experience or opinion of homeless people who have pets? I know many facilities don't allow them, and it seems to me to be very hard to pin down whether it's a pro/con. On one hand, if you have a dog, you have built-in protection (or perceived protection), and you might have had your dog when housed and aren't willing to hand it over to the system, which may euthanize/abuse it/you never see your friend again. On the other hand, it may complicate housing and keep you from taking the next step. I'm wondering if you have any thoughts on the subject. I am of the opinion that homeless shelters should have room for animals as well (Members side had a pretty good sized animal shelter for its residents) because of what a pet represents to most of the homeless people who have them. Homelessness is an extremely stressful 24/7 survival situation that is defined by prolonged deprivation in conjunction with exposure to the elements. For many homeless people their pet is the singular living thing that they have any connection to at all. It is the one healthy relationship they have with a living being. The one thing they have in their life to be affectionate with. For many homeless people who have pets taking care of that pet is the only form of structure and normalcy they have in their entire existence. Their pet is their reason to hope, their reason to not get addicted, their reason to make sure they take their meds. A human under extreme duress needs a reason to live, and some homeless people find that reason in taking care of their pets. These are people whose brains are locked into survival mode and their pet is often quite literally their only true friend. You can't ask a human being in that situation to just give up and/or have put to sleep the only living thing they have cared about for years. It has been my experience that until they are at deaths door and forced to admit they can't survive out on the streets anymore they will choose their pet over a shelter 99.9% of the time. Prester Jane fucked around with this message at 05:10 on Dec 24, 2017 |
# ¿ Dec 24, 2017 03:51 |