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Gaz2k21
Sep 1, 2006

MEGALA---WHO??!!??
Hey Goon's,

On a couple of occasion's it's been suggested I do one of these thread's so I thought I'd give it a bash, hopefully some of you will get a kick out of it.

Disclaimer: I am poo poo at punctuation/grammar so please bear with me.

Disclaimer 2: It wouldn't exactly be difficult to find out more information about me, as sometimes I deal with sensitive information I would respectfully ask you not to do so and also understand that I won't be sharing any of that sensitive information.

Okay so here goes....

I have worked in Police Custody in the UK since 2012, despite working alongside Police Officer's/Sargent's I am in fact not employed by my local police force, instead I work for a security firm (who also have contract's in immigration.
My role in custody is to maintain the welfare of those detained and ensure they have access to legal representation, Mental health services, medical help, food, drink and even a few creature comforts, I carry out regular welfare checks and am responsible for the collection of fingerprint's ,DNA samples (non-intimate) and mugshots as well as occasional drug tests, despite working with police and coming into contact with individuals of a volatile nature I have no powers outside of the normal self defence laws that protect any normal person on the streets.
The job itself can be very enjoyable if somewhat taxing at times I am lucky that I generally get to work alongside some incredible people, I've certainly seen some sight's but there's definitely worse ways to earn a crust.

Feel free to ask any question's I'll ask as best as I can and if possible share some stories of my experiences.

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shame on an IGA
Apr 8, 2005

How much do you make per cellphone and do is it better to smuggle them in your sandwich or in nature's pocket?

Coolness Averted
Feb 20, 2007

oh don't worry, I can't smell asparagus piss, it's in my DNA

GO HOGG WILD!
🐗🐗🐗🐗🐗
In the US Law Enforcement and Prison/Justice System contractors have earned a very lovely reputation for being leeches that exploit both the incarcerated and the governments funding them. Are things any better in the UK? I'm not bashing on you, or asking "Are you scum?" more the state of the industry. Like do you feel there's adequate training and staffing?

Gaz2k21
Sep 1, 2006

MEGALA---WHO??!!??

Coolness Averted posted:

In the US Law Enforcement and Prison/Justice System contractors have earned a very lovely reputation for being leeches that exploit both the incarcerated and the governments funding them. Are things any better in the UK? I'm not bashing on you, or asking "Are you scum?" more the state of the industry. Like do you feel there's adequate training and staffing?

In Custody, it's pretty difficult as they are heavily monitored by the police force but that's not for lack of trying, In my time I have seen numerous negative changes, there are always rumour's that the police force may take back control (which if I'm honest I'm in favour of). I know that contractor's on immigration and youth offender contract's have come under heavy scrutiny.
I wouldn't say we are better off in the UK but I'd have to look into just how far thing's have gone in both countries.

Chard
Aug 24, 2010




Tell us the story that is the most:

*Crazy
*Heartbreaking
*Hilarious
*Sexy :wink:
*Bloodcurdling
*Poo-covered

In the order which pleases you most.

Gaz2k21
Sep 1, 2006

MEGALA---WHO??!!??

Chard posted:

Tell us the story that is the most:

*Crazy
*Heartbreaking
*Hilarious
*Sexy :wink:
*Bloodcurdling
*Poo-covered

In the order which pleases you most.

Let's see what I can come up with............

Crazy:-
Not really much of a story but one of the craziest individuals who has been detained whilst I was on shift was a gentleman who had washed up on the seafront (I live on a coastal town) in a tiny boat, the guy was black with dirt and had hair thick with dirt and oil the best way I can describe him is he kind of looked like a scrawnier version of Brendan Frasier at the beginning of California(Encino) Man.
He claimed he had sailed all the way from France where he was trying to escape some folk who were trying to kill him, the guy genuinely looked like a pirate but actually seemed quite switched on if a little sea crazy.
After work I took a jog down the beach and saw his boat it was black as anything and barely looked seaworthy.

Heartbreaking:-
A young Asian lad had been detained under the mental health act (this happens if there is no space at local mental health facilities) after driving from his home to some nearby cliffs having left a suicide not at home, he was a very quiet lad but seemed genuinely pleasant, he was assessed by mental health assessor's and deemed fit for release, one of the on duty Sergeants wasn't keen on the decision and had a chat with the lad it turned out he was gay and his family weren't very accepting of him, the Sargent had to release him as he'd be being detained illegally if not....................his car was found empty the next day at those same cliffs.

Hilarious/Poo Covered:-
I was working on shift when a film crew we're capturing footage or a documentary, they had got wind of a detainee we had who was going to be forcibly removed from the cell and figured it would make great footage, what they didn't realise was this person had already decorated the cell in his own faeces.....
So in the block they appear alongside the specially suited officer's as they reached the cell door the detainee realised what was going on and decided it was time to put his war paint on, I have to admit I was impressed how quickly he covered his whole body, as the door was opened this guy just ran at the officers taking them out like bowling pin's and causing the film crew to retreat at a rapid pace most of them dropped their equipment and covered their mouths/noses etc it really did loving stink, luckily the detainee had fallen as he'd impacted the officers and they managed to restrain him and safely remove him but the face on the poor cleaner as she had to wipe huge lumps of poo poo off the floor,walls and door was unforgettable...............luckily I had my vapour rub.

Sexy:- Custody is literally the opposite of sexy, even the staff barely make any attempt to look good whilst at work, that being said one of our regular "guests at the inn" for some unknown reason one night decided that the cell mattress was absolutely irresistible, that night we we're treated to a display of moves that would make even the most seasoned pornstar look like an amateur, the thing is this detainee wasn't intoxicated at all, had no known mental health issues and had never behaved like this before, h also didn't acknowledge it so wasn't doing it to be provocative and let me tell you this dude made sweet love to that mattress for a solid 4-5 hour period.

Bloodcurdling:- Well there's not much of a story but I did see a guy aggressively rip his own catheter thingy out (the whole thing not just the disposable tube bit)and start whipping it around the cell like a makeshift Indiana Jones.

Scudworth
Jan 1, 2005

When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons, and make super lemons.

Dinosaur Gum

Gaz2k21 posted:


Bloodcurdling:- Well there's not much of a story but I did see a guy aggressively rip his own catheter thingy out (the whole thing not just the disposable tube bit)and start whipping it around the cell like a makeshift Indiana Jones.

Thank you.

spog
Aug 7, 2004

It's your own bloody fault.
What do the real police think of PCSOs?

Anything like this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwYxkZ9jTvk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IooCcGFKrgE

Chard
Aug 24, 2010




Gaz2k21 posted:

good stuff

:hai:

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Gaz2k21
Sep 1, 2006

MEGALA---WHO??!!??

I don't really come in contact with them as they aren't allowed in custody for some stupid reason but as far as I'm aware the general consensus is that much like police officers some are good and some are pointless, because they are seen as less authoritive than a full blown police officer many member's of the public find them more approachable.
The one Sergeant who I ever asked about this (who sadly passed away not long ago) stated that a good PCSO is worth their weight in gold and can be a great source of information.

Special Officers however.....



Well in custody I've had the pleasure of seeing various fluids flung at officers from water and hot chocolate to urine and bean juice but on a recent shift I had the misfortune of having menstrual blood flicked in my direction.

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