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christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
Biscuit Hider

ElGroucho posted:

I tried rewatching A New Hope as an adult

Boy, that movie loving sucks rear end. You spend the first 30 minutes following around a boring effeminate robot, and then some more boring poo poo happens. Lucas better be sending half his check to John Williams and the other half to his wife, who had to edit that garbage in to something semi-coherent.

I bet you think The Godfather is a boring movie about a bunch of greasy men speaking Italian.

Sorry it's not an amazing special effects tour de force. Might I suggest the latest installment of Michael Bay's Transformers, you philistine!

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christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out
Biscuit Hider
*angry about Star Wars itt*

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

More like "Bulges Adventure"

Teikanmi posted:

lol do people actually give a poo poo about star wars anymore in any serious way

the whole thing has been complete dog poo poo since like 1997

White genocide retards do, but then they are retarded.

a star war betamax
Sep 17, 2011

by Lowtax
Gary’s Answer
George Lucas is the only one who sees star wars for what it really is

BrutalistMcDonalds
Oct 4, 2012


Lipstick Apathy

Trunko posted:

George Lucas is the only one who sees star wars for what it really is
A means of extracting money for toy purchases from the wallets of moms & dads?

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth
The problem with "Young Han Solo Movie": no reason to make it.


Was there really anyone sitting around thinking "you know what would make a great new star war? An origin story for a character we already know and was killed by his son, Kylo Ren" ???

the black husserl
Feb 25, 2005

Chomp8645 posted:

The problem with "Young Han Solo Movie": no reason to make it.


Was there really anyone sitting around thinking "you know what would make a great new star war? An origin story for a character we already know and was killed by his son, Kylo Ren" ???

i mean you're "right" but this movie is going to make one billion dollars

that's a reason right there

Ka0
Sep 16, 2002

:siren: :siren: :siren:
AS A PROUD GAMERGATER THE ONLY THING I HATE MORE THAN WOMEN ARE GAYS AND TRANS PEOPLE
:siren: :siren: :siren:
I hope they shoehorn darth vader killing people with a lightsaber in it for no reason, right at the end.

BrutalistMcDonalds
Oct 4, 2012


Lipstick Apathy

Chomp8645 posted:

The problem with "Young Han Solo Movie": no reason to make it.


Was there really anyone sitting around thinking "you know what would make a great new star war? An origin story for a character we already know and was killed by his son, Kylo Ren" ???
are there any good movies about the "young" etc. etc. etc.?

Meme Poker Party
Sep 1, 2006

by Azathoth

Ka0 posted:

I hope they shoehorn darth vader killing people with a lightsaber in it for no reason, right at the end.

Maybe he can go to town on wookie rebels this time.

a star war betamax
Sep 17, 2011

by Lowtax
Gary’s Answer
Young Han Solo, in the orphanage inside the under construction death star:

"please sir, I want some more.... "

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc

Ka0 posted:

I hope they shoehorn darth vader killing people with a lightsaber in it for no reason, right at the end.

This would have been a better concept for a movie. We need a hard-R all-action movie in the Star Wars universe. Like their Deadpool.

Chubbs
Feb 13, 2008

In a thousand years, Gandahar was destroyed. A thousand years ago, Gandahar will be saved, and what can't be avoided will be.
Grimey Drawer

Elukka posted:

There's a chance it could be decent but the premise is boring as gently caress. Oh, let's explore what Han Solo did when he was young!

It was the stuff he did in the original trilogy! That was young Han Solo, goddammit!


Plot point checklist:

1. Meets young Chewie for the first time when they're both orphans living in the streets. Funny hijinks ensue like stealing packets of instant-bread from street vendors.
2. Flash forward to young-adulthood. Stealing bread has turned into running shell games and selling bootleg bantha porn to unscrupulous space-tourists.
3. Young Lando shows up one day to point out the flaws in their technique. Invites them to a serous, no-limit poker game.
4. Han wins the game and Lando's shiny new ship that's called something cool like the Century Stallion but Han renames it because he's a dick. For extra dramatic effect, have Han and Lando fistfight after Han wins. Lando beats Han's rear end, drops the keys on the ground and then turns and walks away with a swirl of his cloak.
5. Does the Kessel Run for the first time. Uses the money to buy a sweet rear end vest.
6. SET PIECE: Saves a carbonite processing plant from destruction (oh the irony!)
7. Can't stop buying vests, has to take out a loan from Jabba.
8. Chase scene where he and Chewie escape from Jabba's goons, travel to Tatooine to hide. Upon arrival... "Lots of sand here. I've always liked sand."
9. Land at Mos Eisley, realize they don't have any money... some throwaway joke about "Next time, we get paid in advance!"
11. Walks into Cantina.
12. Credits.

LordArgh
Mar 17, 2009

Nap Ghost
i can't wait to find out how han solo got the name han solo

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
Fun Shoe
So far we've had young Indiana Jones, young blade runner dude, young Jack Ryan

We still need young regarding Henry and young amish cop

Time_pants
Jun 25, 2012

Now sauntering to the ring, please welcome the lackadaisical style of the man who is always doing something...

It's weird that Disney have such a bug up their butts about making Star Wars serious and "epic." Star Wars movies have been wearing out their welcome since 1998, and thus far they all have the same look, tone, and feel. It's super loving weird because with their other multi-billion-dollar movie franchise, the MCU, they've shown incredible willingness to release movies that are way different (better) than the serious-as-9/11 superhero drama of Captain America.

The first Iron Man was basically a rom-com, Guardians of the Galaxy was a camp space opera, Doctor Strange was a special effects extravaganza that was so aggressively weird that I'm surprised half the audience didn't walk out after the first hour, Deadpool was R-rated juvenile comedy and ultraviolence, Ant Man was literally just a Paul Rudd comedy with a funny-looking suit, and Thor is... something. I don't know.

Maybe a handful of these movies were any good at all, but they keep getting me to sit down on the couch and commit 2 hours to way, way more movies than I expected because they promise something different and drat if they don't deliver. They're not cinematic masterpieces by any stretch, but the farther they get from the boilerplate superhero movie, the better they tend to be.

The last new Star Wars movie I'll ever watch was The Force Awakens because they made it abundantly clear that their goal was to keep repackaging the exact same movie again and again, and they weren't even really going to put any effort into hiding it anymore.

Movie franchises are bad and they should go away.

Ka0
Sep 16, 2002

:siren: :siren: :siren:
AS A PROUD GAMERGATER THE ONLY THING I HATE MORE THAN WOMEN ARE GAYS AND TRANS PEOPLE
:siren: :siren: :siren:
They can't hear you over all the money they're banking at the moment.

a star war betamax
Sep 17, 2011

by Lowtax
Gary’s Answer

Time_pants posted:

It's weird that Disney have such a bug up their butts about making Star Wars serious and "epic." Star Wars movies have been wearing out their welcome since 1998, and thus far they all have the same look, tone, and feel. It's super loving weird because with their other multi-billion-dollar movie franchise, the MCU, they've shown incredible willingness to release movies that are way different (better) than the serious-as-9/11 superhero drama of Captain America.

The first Iron Man was basically a rom-com, Guardians of the Galaxy was a camp space opera, Doctor Strange was a special effects extravaganza that was so aggressively weird that I'm surprised half the audience didn't walk out after the first hour, Deadpool was R-rated juvenile comedy and ultraviolence, Ant Man was literally just a Paul Rudd comedy with a funny-looking suit, and Thor is... something. I don't know.

Maybe a handful of these movies were any good at all, but they keep getting me to sit down on the couch and commit 2 hours to way, way more movies than I expected because they promise something different and drat if they don't deliver. They're not cinematic masterpieces by any stretch, but the farther they get from the boilerplate superhero movie, the better they tend to be.

The last new Star Wars movie I'll ever watch was The Force Awakens because they made it abundantly clear that their goal was to keep repackaging the exact same movie again and again, and they weren't even really going to put any effort into hiding it anymore.

Movie franchises are bad and they should go away.

this guy just happily lapping up the putrid runoff from the decaying trash on a dumpster......... "oh star wars? How gauche"

Toadvine
Mar 16, 2009
Please disregard my advice w/r/t history.
Doctor Strange was good and fun

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008
I got some doctor strange one time but they made me turn my head and cough.

epsilon
Oct 31, 2001


Toadvine posted:

Doctor Strange was good and fun

ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






I watched captain America civil war on Netflix last night because I was bored. Holy poo poo it was garbage. GARBAGE. I'm pretty sure Robert Downey Jr slept through all his scenes

Toadvine
Mar 16, 2009
Please disregard my advice w/r/t history.

epsilon posted:

ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I conjure a portal to the cum dimension and then I open another portal directed right at your third eye

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

More like "Bulges Adventure"
Young Han Solo opens the scene dressed as a Galactic Postal Service delivery man sneaking his way into Dengar's cousin's place to steal back a Twi'lek dancer's prize kath hound. When he returns it, she pays him in sexy time instead of credits.

slave to my cravings
Mar 1, 2007

Got my mind on doritos and doritos on my mind.
(Young wookiee prince about to make love to Chewie for the first time)

"Ewajrghh rarrrh! Ewajrghh rarrrh!" (He is not a virgin! He is not a virgin!)

Cut to a young Han Solo running for his life through the jungle being chased by native wookiees, credits roll.

Xtra Innings Lovin
Nov 11, 2016

I'd rather have seen a Mace Windu solo film, especially since he's getting up there in years.

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

More like "Bulges Adventure"

Xtra Innings Lovin posted:

I'd rather have seen a Mace Windu solo film, especially since he's getting up there in years.

I wonder if they'd model it after Black Dynamite or I'm Gonna Git You Sucka.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


Legit Cyberpunk









LordArgh posted:

i can't wait to find out how han solo got the name han solo

han(d) solo (sexual pleasure)

new phone who dis
May 24, 2007

by VideoGames
Morbid Hound
Dr Strange was an uninteresting demo reel, Episode VII was bad and the next Iron Man will just be Chris Evans loving Robert Downey Jrs hot gay mouth for 2 hours.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008

new phone who dis posted:

Dr Strange was an uninteresting demo reel, Episode VII was bad and the next Iron Man will just be Chris Evans loving Robert Downey Jrs hot gay mouth for 2 hours.

Well at least I can look forward to one film!!

new phone who dis
May 24, 2007

by VideoGames
Morbid Hound

reignofevil posted:

Well at least I can look forward to one film!!

The next comic book movie is going to be based on a Tijuana Bible.

BIG PUFFY NIPS
Mar 7, 2007

College Slice

Time_pants posted:

The last new Star Wars movie I'll ever watch was The Force Awakens because they made it abundantly clear that their goal was to keep repackaging the exact same movie again and again, and they weren't even really going to put any effort into hiding it anymore.

to be fair theres gotta be no way this movie is as bad as the force awakes that was like a uniquely bad movie

Blazing Ownager
Jun 2, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Time_pants posted:

The last new Star Wars movie I'll ever watch was The Force Awakens because they made it abundantly clear that their goal was to keep repackaging the exact same movie again and again, and they weren't even really going to put any effort into hiding it anymore.

I think the biggest tell above all was how the on-the-ropes Imperials still had tons of money to make super massive polished organizations while the LEGITIMATE GOVERNMENT pretty much had a rebel fleet because they couldn't get past the idea of rebels vs empire, even though the good guys WERE the empire this time

naem
May 29, 2011

I like how there was no expansion for Snokes, this is Star Wars see so there's an evil emperor guy. It's "that evil emperor guy thing, because Star Wars."

So just BOOM cgi muppet, no build up no intro HEY REMEBER STAR WARDS?

Absolute Lithops
Aug 28, 2011

After one long season
of waiting, after one
long season of wanting

BrutalistMcDonalds posted:

He started to worry that Lord & Miller’s screwball comedy angle was starting to interfere with what the character of Han Solo is really about

Han Solo must team up with a gorgeous, madcap heiress to recover a crate of stolen goods. Can he navigate through her wealthy uncle’s eccentric social circle and the witty, rapid-fire dialogue?

Bogus Adventure
Jan 11, 2017

More like "Bulges Adventure"

new phone who dis posted:

The next comic book movie is going to be based on a Tijuana Bible.

CAPTAIN AMERICA HAS A UNIVERSAL DESIRE



Hydra-sucking lips

JediTalentAgent
Jun 5, 2005
Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!

Blazing Ownager posted:

I think the biggest tell above all was how the on-the-ropes Imperials still had tons of money to make super massive polished organizations while the LEGITIMATE GOVERNMENT pretty much had a rebel fleet because they couldn't get past the idea of rebels vs empire, even though the good guys WERE the empire this time

I could sort of see the idea that even when the Empire fell it's not like EVERYONE hated them and I'm sure there was a window of time and space where the galaxy was getting carved up by both sides, the still extremely well-furnished Empire being able to pull back and fortify themselves in an area where they could claim themselves as a sovereign and legit galactic power and telling everyone, "Hey, the EMPEROR was in charge of all that stuff you hated. We're better, though. Trust us. Besides, the Rebellion is so busy trying to get their old government up and running, who's protecting you from smugglers and gangsters? Who's keeping you safe from invasion from powers who are going to take this opportunity of chaos to attack you and steal your poo poo?"

chernobyl kinsman
Mar 18, 2007

a friend of the friendly atom

Soiled Meat

Szymanski posted:

Space Ventura: Fett Detective

hahah

chernobyl kinsman
Mar 18, 2007

a friend of the friendly atom

Soiled Meat

LordArgh posted:

i can't wait to find out how han solo got the name han solo

his birth name is hanathan

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Castor Poe
Jul 19, 2010

Jar Jar is the key to all of this.
They should make a Walk the Line style biopic about the dickheaded spacejazz trumpet player from A New Hope.

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