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Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes
Fun Shoe

Malcolm Excellent posted:

I saw a ride his bike into traffic, right into the side of the car
She didn't call the police or an ambulance or anything, and seemed pretty nonchalant about the whole deal. Free range parenting or something.

What? Why would the police or ambulance be needed for a boy who scooted into a car and scraped his chin? I feel like either you left out an important detail or I really want to hear about the times you've called emergency services

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Chard
Aug 24, 2010




I saw a van catch on fire in the middle of the 405 at rush hour. I was 12 floors up with a perfect view of 50 foot flames, it was awesome.


my own

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes
Fun Shoe

I.C. posted:

There was a shirtless guy doing push-ups on a concrete median by the highway on-ramp the other day. I was thinking this was his spanging technique, but he was doing it while the light was red and everyone was stopped, so then I thought he might just really be into fitness or something.

Based on the many times I've seen it, when you see someone shirtless doing pushups in a weird place, the cause is always meth

BONE DOG
Jun 7, 2009

by Fluffdaddy
I was downtown and i saw this really intense, skinny, kinda grubby looking guy stalking a group of pigeons. He was hunched over and creeping up slowly on them like, and the pigeons just kept the pace ahead of him walking quickly and keeping their distance. Without any warning he charged into the group of pigeons and they panicked. They flew in every direction simultaneously.

The man did a sort of scissor kick into the fray and landed on all fours with his back to the ground. He had caught a pigeon with the kick and it was skittering around on the pavement shrieking. It was all hosed up. The man walked up to it and calmly grabbed it. He whispered something into the pigeons ear which i could not hear on account of the distance between us then he held it above his head by its wings and tore the pigeon into two pieces.

One wing ripped off while the other remained attached to its body and as the pigeon lay dying the man lit a cigarette and walked off down the street

BONE DOG fucked around with this message at 00:51 on Jun 28, 2017

alpaca diseases
May 19, 2009


the dude from TCC getting slow roasted in his car

MightyJoe36
Dec 29, 2013

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
In New York City, Times Square, in the late 70s (when it was still pretty nasty) around 2 in the morning. This dude walking down the sidewalk stops, steps between two parked cars, drops his pants, squats and takes a dump. Then he wipes his rear end with his shirt tail, pulls up his pants and walks away.

About five years later, I'm working as an armored car courier, and we have a stop on the same street. I'm sitting in the cab waiting for my partner when a car alarm goes off across the street. Nobody pays any attention for about five minutes. A female NYPD officer walks up, takes her nightstick and smashes the driver's side window and opens the car door. Reaches in and pops the hood, walks around and pulls some wires from under the hood, and the alarm stops. She closes the hood, writes a ticket and places it on the windshield, and walks away.

naem
May 29, 2011

My very first day in NYC I stepped off the train from the airport into the upscale shopping mall area of penn station, when five enormous cops charged past me and all tackle this absolutely ginormous guy to the ground and carry him off hogtied past shoppers, no one bats an eye.

Later that day two cars came to a stop, the drivers got out, and one broke a plastic shower curtain rod over the others head. They both got back in their cars having accomplished whatever they set out to do

Blue On Blue
Nov 14, 2012

I've only been to nyc once but I kept hoping it would be a recreation of the Simpson's episode

Unfortunately I didn't find any kakalash

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc

naem posted:

My very first day in NYC I stepped off the train from the airport into the upscale shopping mall area of penn station, when five enormous cops charged past me and all tackle this absolutely ginormous guy to the ground and carry him off hogtied past shoppers, no one bats an eye.

Later that day two cars came to a stop, the drivers got out, and one broke a plastic shower curtain rod over the others head. They both got back in their cars having accomplished whatever they set out to do

I've seen more fights between grown men in a single year (any of them) in NYC than the rest of my life anywhere else.

EorayMel
May 30, 2015

WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Français.

chernobyl kinsman posted:

just kill it with a rock like a man you huge pussy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SQ-NREcC54

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
I was sittin around a campfire smokin a cigarette with some folks, just watching these logs turn to embers, and I flicked the butt at the fire and the whole thing just collapsed into glowing chunks as soon as the butt hit it. Totally looked like I meant to do it and ppl had a s-spooky moment. :spooky:

Toadvine
Mar 16, 2009
Please disregard my advice w/r/t history.
nyc has been a goldmine of overseen and overheard rarities for the two years Ive lived here:

-two dudes whacking a busted a/c unit with their hands and fists outside a bodega while the owner watches from the safety window
-well dressed gent with tie and briefcase doing a big bowl hit of fresh packed spice before getting cozy and zonked out on a random stoop
-guy smoking a spice blunt between subway cars as it goes over the williamsburg bridge
-homeless lady taking snapchat selfies

Three-Phase
Aug 5, 2006

by zen death robot
I saw two girls get into a nasty fight on the RTA Puritas platform. They were like screaming and curing at each other on the train but once they stepped onto the platform they went absolutely psycho. Like beta fish fighting where they would only stop when one was dead.

It was the most amazing thing I ever saw.

I also had this giant woman (sorta portly but also tall too) asking me for help on her phone and she went into how she was using an app for lesbian dating and whatnot.

And an occupied stroller almost getting crushed in the train door.

Yeah unusual things happen on the Red Line in Cleveland.

Three-Phase fucked around with this message at 01:24 on Jun 28, 2017

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

Vespertillian posted:

I was about 13 walking down a small downtown street and suddenly I hear this sickening crunch and see a young brunette woman fly backwards 3-4 feet from being hit by a green jeep.
There's another almost crunchlike thudding sound as she hits the ground.
There was this apprehensive two second pause where the world went entirely silent and it seemed to last years and then she started screaming over and over again that she was okay, as if trying to reassure herself.

She went quiet before the ambulance got there.

Whoa

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

Shats Basoon posted:

I went to a music festival earlier this year and watched a guy eat some fruit he had taken a piss on.

It was some chad-wook who was clearly out of his gourd on some sort of vile substance and we were at a Werks concert. I was standing about 30 feet from the stage with a large clearing in front of me. Chadwook, who was behind me, decides he wants to cut a rug in that clearing and brushes past me. As he did so, he hit my shoulder, causing him to drop a cup full of fruit that he was carrying and it fell on the ground. He starts dancing around and being obnoxious. Eventually, for whatever reason, he decided to pull out his dilz and start pissing everywhere, including his fruit. Just pissing in the wind, swaying back and forth, with his hands raised triumphantly in the air. After he was finished, he put his god drat cock away and proceeded to dance around for a minute. This must have taken alot of energy out of him because the next thing he did was pick up a piece of his freshly pissed-on fruit and examine it for a second. That second seemed like an eternity, there was a crowd of people watching him at this point and we all shouted, in unison, "NOOOOO!!!!" but it didn't deter the chadwook for one bit. He proudly tosses the fruit into his mouth and continues his dancing, to the audible groan of the crowd.

I didn't stick around much longer because I was simultaneously laughing too hard and trying not to throw up. Wherever you are Chadwook, goonspeed.
:zpatriot:

What's a chad wook.?

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

OXBALLS DOT COM posted:

I saw a bird fly into a windmill and die. Same with a window.

I'm really sad we can't see your posts for a while. I witnessed that too.

The Butcher
Apr 20, 2005

Well, at least we tried.
Nap Ghost
It was a perfect winter morning, sun shining, blue sky, cool crisp air, the mountains dusted with a fresh coat of snow. "Fuckin' glorious," I thought to myself. "Truly, this is God's own country."

Then a flurry of motion caught my eye. It was two squirrels furiously loving on the side of the road.

I think it was just the contrast that really made that moment pop.

naem
May 29, 2011

don't kninkshame

The Butcher
Apr 20, 2005

Well, at least we tried.
Nap Ghost

moose face posted:

I was downtown and i saw this really intense, skinny, kinda grubby looking guy stalking a group of pigeons.

That reminded me of another one.

Was walking down the street and heard something bang against an apartment window 3 floors up, look up and there's at least 3 pigeons flying around in this apartment, freaking the gently caress out and smacking into the windows and some dude running and jumping and trying to grab them out of the air. He then notices me staring up and gives me the dirtiest look ever.

Like WTF man don't give me the stink eye, you're the one being weird here.

DisgracelandUSA
Aug 11, 2011

Yeah, I gets down with the homies

Saturday night, I got home at 5 AM. No sooner than I hope out my car than do I see a 6 foot something black guy, butt rear end naked screaming at the sky while holding his junk as he was walking north, just screaming at the sky.

E: This is an NYC story.

DisgracelandUSA fucked around with this message at 02:28 on Jun 28, 2017

Masturbasturd
Sep 1, 2014
Saw my first real crazy on a vacation to LA. Well before cellphones I watched a lady get into a violent argument with the air on that street with the stars on the sidewalk.

BONE DOG
Jun 7, 2009

by Fluffdaddy

Sue Eastside posted:

Saw my first real crazy on a vacation to LA. Well before cellphones I watched a lady get into a violent argument with the air on that street with the stars on the sidewalk.

This is the most quaint thing

Caesar Saladin
Aug 15, 2004

i once saw two middle aged men in suits fist fighting outside of a bank

why were they fighting? Business partners gone wrong?

DisgracelandUSA
Aug 11, 2011

Yeah, I gets down with the homies

Shortly after I moved to NYC, I was riding the subway home after work. I got on at 34th Street-Penn Station. At the same time, a shorter trashy-looking white woman gets on the train, as well as an effiminate black man, next to the woman. Once the subway doors close, the woman says, loudly, on the crowded train, "I would APPRECIATE IT if you didn't BUMP ME!" The black man says, "I did not bump you." The woman replies, "Yes, you did, you bumped into my bag, and I appreciate it if you wouldn't do that." The man says, "I don't know what you're thinking, but I didn't bump you, maybe you bumped me." And she says, "I didn't bump you, you bumped me" and steps closer to get in his face. The man, feeling a touch invaded, gently shoves her away and says, "Please get out of my face." The woman loses it, starts screaming, "Oh my god, did you just lay a hand on me? Oh I wish you would, you don't even know what I would do to you." And the man responds, "Oh really, what do you want to do?" and the woman says, "Oh, I'll show you what I'll do, you wanna take this out on the platform?" and the man says, "Yeah, we can take this on the platform you crazy bitch" and the woman says, "Okay, we're gonna get this on the platform."

The train pulls into the 42nd Street-Times Square station, and I see the two of them fighting through crowds to get off the train. They reach the center of platform and I see both them drop their bags and square up as the doors of the train close and we start heading to the next station. All this transpired over the course of about 3 minutes.

M.C. McMic
Nov 8, 2008

The Weight room
Is your friend

DisgracelandUSA posted:

Saturday night, I got home at 5 AM. No sooner than I hope out my car than do I see a 6 foot something black guy, butt rear end naked screaming at the sky while holding his junk as he was walking north, just screaming at the sky.

E: This is an NYC story.

I was walking through downtown Seattle once, looked up a cross street and noticed a very tall and completely naked black guy standing there in a small portico, swaying back and forth. I immediately thought, "PCP." This guy suddenly locks eyes with me and takes off, sprinting directly at me... briefly. As he got about halfway to me, he suddenly veered off, clipped a car, smashed the side-view mirror to pieces and fell to the ground. Then he started rolling around in wet leaves, cigarette butts and whatever other filth/trash was on the ground like he was frolicking in the snow or something.

Up to that point, I swear it was like this guy was invisible and I was the only one who noticed him, despite the fact that there was a ton of foot traffic (on a Monday night during rush hour with a Seahawks game that evening).

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

DisgracelandUSA posted:

Shortly after I moved to NYC, I was riding the subway home after work. I got on at 34th Street-Penn Station. At the same time, a shorter trashy-looking white woman gets on the train, as well as an effiminate black man, next to the woman. Once the subway doors close, the woman says, loudly, on the crowded train, "I would APPRECIATE IT if you didn't BUMP ME!" The black man says, "I did not bump you." The woman replies, "Yes, you did, you bumped into my bag, and I appreciate it if you wouldn't do that." The man says, "I don't know what you're thinking, but I didn't bump you, maybe you bumped me." And she says, "I didn't bump you, you bumped me" and steps closer to get in his face. The man, feeling a touch invaded, gently shoves her away and says, "Please get out of my face." The woman loses it, starts screaming, "Oh my god, did you just lay a hand on me? Oh I wish you would, you don't even know what I would do to you." And the man responds, "Oh really, what do you want to do?" and the woman says, "Oh, I'll show you what I'll do, you wanna take this out on the platform?" and the man says, "Yeah, we can take this on the platform you crazy bitch" and the woman says, "Okay, we're gonna get this on the platform."

The train pulls into the 42nd Street-Times Square station, and I see the two of them fighting through crowds to get off the train. They reach the center of platform and I see both them drop their bags and square up as the doors of the train close and we start heading to the next station. All this transpired over the course of about 3 minutes.

She tazed him right?

SeXReX
Jan 9, 2009

I drink, mostly.
And get mad at people on the internet


:emptyquote:
I was riding my bike on a path that runs parallel to a fairway at the golf course. Someone hosed up and went way left and the ball knocked the fountain drink out of my hand.

DisgracelandUSA
Aug 11, 2011

Yeah, I gets down with the homies

Burt Sexual posted:

She tazed him right?

If I had to guess, I'm betting she pulled out a box cutter and stabbed him.

Doctor Dogballs
Apr 1, 2007

driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station


CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:

some dude outside my office window got shot in the head and died in the parking lot

lol I came here to post about a guy getting shot and dying right outside my motel room

B. Birdsworth
Jul 31, 2014

There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.
The body of a man who chainsawed his own head off two days prior.

A dog (Great Dane) getting decapitated by a pickup truck which was passing me on the interstate.

SeXReX
Jan 9, 2009

I drink, mostly.
And get mad at people on the internet


:emptyquote:
I pulled into a spot at the front of a gas station as someone with a ski mask and a gun was coming out the front door.

BONE DOG
Jun 7, 2009

by Fluffdaddy

B. Birdsworth posted:

The body of a man who chainsawed his own head off two days prior.

A dog (Great Dane) getting decapitated by a pickup truck that was passing me on the interstate.

That is some hosed up poo poo

symbolic
Nov 2, 2014

Was hiking with my Boy Scout troop when I was 15 or so and we found a doll head and deer skull nailed to a tree right off the path, with some smaller animal's spine and a couple hubcaps on the ground below it. Presumably some creepy cult poo poo.

SeXReX
Jan 9, 2009

I drink, mostly.
And get mad at people on the internet


:emptyquote:
Not me but someone I know was breaking into/exploring an abandoned looking house with some other mutuals and they discovered someone's hosed up home lab where they vivisected animals.

Parts in jars and poo poo, claw marks on the table.

Ramrod Hotshot
May 30, 2003

Was fishing on an old bridge of the Overseas Highway (between the Florida Keys) when I was maybe 10 years old. On the new bridge an 18 wheeler semi truck was passing by. One of its wheels just popped off and caught fire. I watched this flaming wheel bounce down the road while my mom clutched me, terrified it would bounce over onto our bridge. Instead it bounced over the side and made a big enough splash that the water flew all the way above the bridge so that we could see it.

BONE DOG
Jun 7, 2009

by Fluffdaddy

symbolic posted:

Was hiking with my Boy Scout troop when I was 15 or so and we found a doll head and deer skull nailed to a tree right off the path, with some smaller animal's spine and a couple hubcaps on the ground below it. Presumably some creepy cult poo poo.

99% chance it was stoned teenagers trying to be creepy as gently caress with what they found around them

Toadvine
Mar 16, 2009
Please disregard my advice w/r/t history.

SeXReX posted:

I was riding my bike on a path that runs parallel to a fairway at the golf course. Someone hosed up and went way left and the ball knocked the fountain drink out of my hand.

When I was a kid riding in the car with my parents a stray golf ball bOunced off our neon booger colored dodge neon and I got to witness my dad pull over and yell insults at the golfers for not keeping their balls on the goddamn fairway

de_dust
Jan 21, 2009

she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.
as a kid camping a bunch of us jumped over a barbed wire fence. one kid didn't quite make it and tore his testicles open. it was yellowy white inside of them like fat and he screamed really loud.

the parks service had to fly him to the hospital

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

Forums related: one time jerry mumphrey got into a row with the sa support robot and it went something like this

SSR: USER PERSISTS. WEAPONS ARMED AND ACTIVATED. TARGET ACQUIRED

Jerry Mumphrey: Same. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

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ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD
Jan 21, 2007

One time i was playing baseball as a kid and got into a fight with the opposing pitcher. His friends on his team stepped in to jump me so I started walking away. The next thing I knew I threw the bat as hard as I could at the three of them. It flipped in the air several times and hit him square in the face. He crumpled like a ragdoll, and we all laughed at him. I had to apologize to his dad later before he went to the hospital.

https://youtu.be/if27InJBtEI

Video related, at about the 5:30 mark was close to what happened.

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