ham radios

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Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

pulled up to nazareth, i was feelin a half-hog's head,
i just need some place where i can get nice sweetbreads,
hey mister, can you tell me where a man can find good spare ribs?
he just grinned, and shook my hand and "no" was all he fibbed

oh-hooo
take a load off, hammy
take a load of grease
take a load off, hammy

and you put the load right on me

# ¿ Jul 16, 2017 20:37

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 23:48

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

I've been drivin' all night, my ham's wet on the wheel
There's a voice in my head that brines my heel
It's my baby back, says I need more beer
And it's a half past four and I'm eatin' deer
When she is upstairs and the breakfast gets too much
She sends some bacon comin' in from above
Don't need no plate at all

We've got a thing that's called big pig love
We've got a hock in the air, big pig love

# ¿ Jul 16, 2017 23:22

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

desmond sold a burro at the marketplace
molly drove it up there in a van
desmond said to molly, girl i like your place
and molly says this as she brings out a big pan

sa la mi
sa la ma
bacon's ooooooo-OOON
trade that burro, bacon's on

desmond takes a trolley to the butcher's store
buys up twenty pounds of chitterlings
and takes it back to molly back waiting at the stove
as he gives to her she begins to sing

sa la mi
sa la ma
bacon's oooooo-OOOON
trade that burro, bacon's on

# ¿ Jul 17, 2017 04:33

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Baller Ina posted:

Is this the real slice
or is this just ham 'n cheese

caught in a spam tide, no escape from the pork n beans

Open your eyes
Look up to the sties and squeeeeeeeeeeeeee(al)

i'm just a pork boy,
i need no turkey

because i'm black forest ham, toasted roll
little lettuce, no mayo

any way the grill goes, doesn't really matter
to me
pa ni ni

# ¿ Jul 17, 2017 04:49

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Baller Ina posted:

Mama, just grilled a lamb
Put some charcoal 'neath its stead,
Cut it tender, now I'm fed

Mama, that meal sure was fun
But now I've got to throw the rest away

MAMA, OOH OOH
Didn't mean to make it dry
If I'm not back again to cook tomorrow
Carryout, carryout
As if no meat ever plattered

Too late, the timer's done
Sent lardo down my spine,
Porkbutt roastin all the time
Good buys, everybody--it's a meat sale
Gotta leave you all behind and stand in line

MAMAAAAAA, OOOOOOOOH
(Don't throw away the pig bones)
I DON'T WANNA FRY
I SOMETIMES WISH I'D NEVER BOUGHT CHOPS AT ALL

# ¿ Jul 17, 2017 05:24

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Eugene V. Dabs posted:

Too late, the timer's done
Sent lardo down my spine,
Porkbutt roastin all the time
Good buys, everybody--it's a meat sale
Gotta leave you all behind and stand in line

MAMAAAAAA, OOOOOOOOH
(Don't throw away the pig bones)
I DON'T WANNA FRY
I SOMETIMES WISH I'D NEVER BOUGHT CHOPS AT ALL

I see a little silhouette-o of a pig
Pork-n-beans, pork-n-beans
Can you make a menudo???
Boston butts and tripe-ing,
Very very frightening meat!

# ¿ Jul 17, 2017 05:35

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Hugh Malone posted:

my radio is so annoying. always singing for everyone when company comes over, never misses a chance to perform for people. thinks it's SOOOOO ebtertaining and funny

# ¿ Jul 17, 2017 20:21

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

One pig makes you larger,
and one pig makes you small

And the one that mother gives you
doesn't taste like anything at all

Go eat Alice
When she's ready this fall

And if you go chasing porkchops, and you find yourself at the mall
Tell them a weird poo poo-posting weed girl has given you the call

Go eat at Alice's
The plates are real small

When the men with the cheeseboard get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of bacon, and your mind is moving low

Go ask Alice, she'll tell you to go

When recipe and portion have made sloppy sweetbreads
And the white meat is moving backwards
And the red meat's off with your head

Remember what the doorman said
Feed your head, eat hog's head

# ¿ Jul 18, 2017 01:53

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

FYI i am a mostly-vegetarian and so this thread is like my white whale

except i'm against whaling

and also eating pigs bc they're p smart

so this is mostly my purple and blue thread

# ¿ Jul 18, 2017 01:55

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Will I eat this pork pie
On a downtown train?
Every slice it's just the same
You leave me hungry, now

# ¿ Jul 18, 2017 05:59

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

google THIS posted:

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of carnitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a barbecue sign
My mouth watered and my stomach growled
I had to stop for a bite.
There she stood in the doorway;
Covered with smoker smell
And I was thinking to myself
'I hope they have good brisket here as well'
Then she found a free table and she showed me the way
There were voices from the other booths,
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Buffet California
Such a lovely spread (such a lovely spread)
With their fresh-baked bread.
Plenty of food at the Buffet California
Any time of year (any time of year) there'll be swine right here

Her mind is hickory-twisted, she got Kansas City blends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty plates, and spare ribs at the end
How they shine in the heat lamps, sweet saucy sweat
Some eat to remember, some eat to forget

So I called up the waiter,
'Please bring me my wine'
He said, 'we only serve beer here, I hope an IPA is fine'
And still those pigs are in the smoker far away,
Wake you up from your food coma
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Buffet California
Such a lovely spread (such a lovely spread)
With our fresh-baked bread.
They piggin' it out at the Buffet California
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise),
They have homemade pies

Staring up at the ceiling,
I've loosened my belt twice
And she said, 'we are all just gluttons here, of our own device'
And back in the kitchen,
They're pulling more juicy meats
We stab it with our steely knives,
But we just can't finish the feast

Last thing I remember, I was
Waddling for the door
I had to find the passage to the men's room like I'd never had to before
'Relax' said the head chef,
'We are programmed to feed.
You can pay your tab any time you like,
But you can never leave!'

# ¿ Jul 18, 2017 21:22

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

and today's Instagram hit: Digital Witnesses

Get back, to your beef
Get back, salad teeth
Ooh, I want all those pork pies

People turn the TV on, it looks just like a pie shop, yeah
People turn the TV on, it looks just like a pie shop, yeah

Digital witnesses, what's the point of even eating?
If I can't show it, if you can't envy
What's the point of eating anything?
This is no time for French dressing

I want all those pork pies

People turn the TV on, it looks just like a restaurant, yeah
People turn the TV on, it looks just like a restaurant, yeah

Digital witnesses, what's the point of even eating?
If I can't show it, if you can't envy
Watch me eat pies near the London Bridge
This is no time for French dressing

People turn the TV on and order out for Nando's, yeah
Get back to your hare
You stare, but I don't care
Oh oh, I, I want all of your pies
Give me all of your pies
I want all of your pies
Give me all of it

Digital witnesses, what's the point of even eating?
If I can't show it, if you can't envy
What's the point of eating anything?
What's the point of even eating?
So I stopped eating, yeah I stopped eating
Won't somebody feed pork pies to me?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVAxUMuhz98

# ¿ Jul 18, 2017 23:12

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 23:48

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

google THIS posted:

I threw a fish on a grill
So tired of this healthy swill
I need some grease that might kill me
This is my cheat day

I trade my sole for a dish
Cured meats and cheeses my wish
Oh man it smells so delish
Just keep it comin' my way

Steak rare is smold'rin'
That smoke ring was showin'
Hot wings glisten golden
Don't forget those back ribs, baby!

Hey it's my cheat day
And this is crazy
But I'm going all out
So pass the gravy
It's hard to look right at that scale, babe
I'll fix that number
Tomorrow, maybe

Hey it's my cheat day
And this is crazy
But I'm going all out
So pass the gravy
It's hard to look right at that scale, babe
I'll fix that number
Tomorrow, maybe

before pork came into my life i wasn't so fat
and you should know that
and it's not low-fat
bacon made me so fat

# ¿ Jul 19, 2017 21:49

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