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rndmnmbr
Jul 3, 2012

I'd gently caress your mother.

You laugh now, but I would be able to afford a good PI to find your real identity, and the identity of your mother. And then, just make a simpler offer: half a billion dollars for her to spend however she wanted, in exchange for a one hour video of me going at her various orifices animal-style.

I mean, I don't know your mother (yet). But everyone's got a price. Is she a God-fearing Christian woman? Half a billion to various righteous Christian causes, plus a few nice things for her church too, would buy an hour of sin (and brother, we would sin.) Is she a horrible person who would blow the whole wad on meth and designer handbags? If I tell her she will never have to come down from her high and never have to use the same handbag twice, she would spread for me like warm butter on hot toast. Is she a normal person, lives in relative comfort and means well, but secretly dreams of always providing for her family forever? Her children, her grandchildren, and her granchildren's grandchildren would never want for security again, in exchange for cheating on your father - and hell, for that money and that future your father would probably run the camera for us.

And then, one hour and one defiled mother later, I would spend the other half a billion dollars making you watch the video. Hire hackers to hack your computer and/or cellphone, hijack your local cable company, show it on every screen you will ever see, I will even go A Clockwork Orange on you - but you will watch the things I do to your mom.

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