|
Arkanomen posted:That lighter is just a really high-quality sparker, it makes really nice sparks but the lighter is already fire! Oh right we're stupid.
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2017 01:30
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 19, 2024 04:01 |
|
|
There Bias Two posted:Oh right we're stupid. Tad has a little booklet about how some of the things work. The spark-lite is a really handy tool if you know how to build a fire from kindling even in the wind, if you know how. Which he doesn't.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2017 01:39
|
|
|
 The Gekko says.. Look, kid. Poors care about all this survival poo poo. Know what winners care about? Money. And showing you have it to those who dont. Burn the money. Remember when you burned your dad's annual donation in front of the orphanage? Made the news. You want to make the news, dont you kid?
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2017 01:44
|
|
|
Loel posted:
ABC Always. Be. Camping.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2017 01:46
|
|
|
Burn the money... But we're hungry and fire consumes everything. We've only got so much food, so we should do like the Grills guy and eat nature food first and conserve our good stuff for later. Find some nature food 
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2017 06:40
|
|
|
Outrail posted:Burn the money... But we're hungry and fire consumes everything. We've only got so much food, so we should do like the Grills guy and eat nature food first and conserve our good stuff for later. Find some nature food You have no food. What you did eat was lost in the crash. You can certainly look for some food ... whatever nature food looks like. How do you cook again?
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2017 07:14
|
|
|
Arkanomen posted:You have no food. What you did eat was lost in the crash. You can certainly look for some food ... whatever nature food looks like. How do you cook again? Oh then we should definitely look for food. That's probably the number one most important thing about wilderness survival. Eat some mushrooms. It's vegan bullshit but hey, a guy's gotta eat.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2017 15:03
|
|
|
Arkanomen posted:How do you cook again? Already answered. AJ_Impy posted:+1 Burn it, burn it all.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2017 15:28
|
|
|
I'm not gonna be happy until we burn this drat forest to the ground. Also look for some eatin' shrooms
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2017 16:01
|
|
|
It can be pretty drat hard to get a forest fire going in the wrong conditions. We can always come back and turn it into a strip mine if we survive Lol
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2017 16:35
|
|
|
How the gently caress do you cook outside? What do the servants use to prepare our snacks when we get stoned on our lingerie model fuckbuddy's veranda? They...use a...grill? Yeah! Like one of those sewer grates the poors are fond of sleeping in, but cleaner and over a fire. And she likes to gently caress with them by throwing her vodka on it while it's lit, loving hilarious, fire everywhere. WAIT A SECOND. Everclear is like Super Vodka. I bet we could set something on fire super fast with it but...but booze... gently caress it. A shot for me, a shot for the fire and such. Is the plane still on fire? Let's drag an on-fire thing back to the woods and do shots with the fire.
|
|
#
?
Jul 23, 2017 17:58
|
|
|
So the current plan is 1.dig out that skull and rail a line of coke 2.hunt for some forest food 3.start a fire with the money and some alcohol 4.cook and eat the food...somehow
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 00:20
|
|
|
Arkanomen posted:So the current plan is Head downhill to find water
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 00:22
|
|
|
Looks like a plan to me. needs more pyromania.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 00:23
|
|
|
There Bias Two posted:Head downhill to find water Nowhere looks "downhill". There's trees, and the pond, you guess. It's getting a little dark, and cold. The pond has water. Mission Accomplished!
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 00:35
|
|
|
Your nose starts itching. It's not the pollen in the increasingly chill air, its that itch. The ITCH. Oh man, was that a skeleton. You always wanted to rail a line off a human skull and one is right here! Just gotta dig through the ashes and pull that bozo pilot out. RIP fucko. You're alive and he's dead because you're genetically better. Always have been. You set to work digging through the slag and ash, starting at the exposed arm. DC 30 vs Tad 31- Pass, -30 min, -3g cocaine, + 1/2 pilot skeleton  It takes a bit of digging through whats left but your prize is quickly freed. Out comes most of the pilots skeletal torso. You leave the bones and grab that skull and in a moment its been cleaned off in the pond, wiped on the grass and then a fat line is cut out on the surface. You pull out a crisp 20 and slam that line up your nose as fast as you can say "SEC Fraud". You feel the rush come on. You look down and realize that in your haste you snorted a lot. Way more than you usually do. A lot more. You start to forage for food but the rush hits like a freight train, dissolving that fear in to insane confidence. You feel great, you are great, you're gonna kick the poo poo out of these woods and then get home and come back with like 100 bulldozers and turn this place in to a parking lot. Then you'll drift your GT around that lot and bang some models in that GT. Then you'll get some guns and hunt a bear. Then you'll gently caress a model on a rug made out of that bear because you are a bear, A BEAST! THE BEAST REQUIRES FOOD! You run around in the dying light of the day in a haze. You need food. NATURE FOOD! You scramble around the tree-line looking for anything like that health food poo poo you saw once or maybe some MEAT! DC50 Meat vs Tad 61 -Pass DC30 Berries vs Tad 07 - Fail DC30 Mushrooms vs Tad 59- Pass, -1 hour You don't know how, but in the rush of being and AWESOME BEAR MAN you round back to the airplane with your finds. One half mutilated deer carcass + 40lbs of meat Seriously this thing is torn to shreds but the guts are missing, there aren't too many flies but SOON YOU WILL MASTER FIRE AND THIS BULLSHIT WOODS  +30 Mushrooms gently caress YEAH SHROOMS! They don't look like the type that let you talk to the great Gekko but hey, they look like they type you see in fancy salads sometime  Your high peaks, the Gekko speaks. Fire! The money! Money solves all problems, especially bullshit nature problems! The key is the booze. You make a pile of money, rip a shot and pour one out for your fallen business pals (for the future when you bury them and seize their assets fuckers!!!!). In go some sticks and a big rear end log you think you found. It kinda appeared along with the rocks. Thanks coke fairy you're acquiring the poo poo out of nature! Out comes some ever-clear and you strike a light. Burn baby, Burn! DC40 vs Tad 71- success, -30min, + campfire! The Gekko nods then goes back to his heavenly realm of women, coke and money. Investhalla awaits! The waves of the coke high are hitting hard but you're a beast. Your hands shake from the rush of success and you get so hot you strip off that sweater.You're sweating like a beast at least. You gotta feast. How do you cook again? It is Late Afternoon, 1 Hours until Sunset You are at the Airplane Campfire You have been alone for 3 hours What do you do? Tad Westbrook You are FEELING GREAT You are HIGH AS BALLS Your clothing is slightly signed but intact You feel TINGLY You could EAT AND DRINK A WHOLE BAR BECAUSE YOU ARE A CHAMPION Your addictions are satisfied -Cocaine -light -Alcohol -moderate You are currently wearing- Cotton Crew Tee - okay Lamb Wool Sweater - singed (removed) Khaki Slacks - singed Wool Socks - okay Leather Loafers - singed Expensive Waterproof Rolex Possessions Large Carry-on backpack Travel Case - 60% full -$15,000 in $20 dollar bills. -7g of Cocaine -50 count of Norco (opiate + generic pain killer) -2 lighters (1.20 full) -Retreat welcome pamphlet -Legal pad -Battery Pack (3/4 bars) -Cellphone (40% charged, off) -Flask of Everclear (5 oz) -Fancy corkscrew/bottle opener -30 mushrooms -1/2 human skeleton (carried) -40lbs undressed deer meat (campsite) -Guide for the following items -1 Heavy Duty, Waterproof, Vinyl Pouch, (3.25"x5") -2 Individually Sealed Micropur™ Water Purification Tablets -1 Heavy Duty Ziploc Bag™, Qt. siz -1 Spark-Lite™ Military fire starter (100%) -2 Tinder-Quik™ waterproof tinder, easily lit with the Spark-Lite™ and burns 2-3 minutes each -1 Rescue-Flash™ signal mirror, made of durable LEXAN® polycarbonate with mil-spec aiming aid for easy one-handed use, visible for over 20 miles -1 Rescue Howler™ Emergency signal whistle (110 decibel pea-less whistle) -1 20mm compass, slightly calibrated -1 Duct Tape 2"x26", repairs, first aid, and countless other uses -1 Sterile Scalpel Blade, light duty cutting chores, first aid, splinter removal -1 Stainless Steel Utility Wire (6 ft) -1 Fresnel Magnifier for reading small print (especially if glasses are lost) and emergency fire starting -50 ft. Heavy Duty Nylon Thread -1 Heavy Duty Sewing Needle with large eye -4 Fish Hooks -2 Sinkers -1 Snap Swivel -3 sq. ft. of Heavy Duty Foil, reflecting heat from a fire or improvising a cooking container -10 ft. Heavy Duty Nylon Cord (150 lb test), shelter building and many other uses -4 Safety Pins -1 Pencil -2 Waterproof Paper 
Arkanomen fucked around with this message at 08:08 on Jul 24, 2017 |
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 05:24
|
|
|
Our spirit animal delivers again! So what combination of knocks do I use to summon the dryads? Ive seen the D&D books in college but the nerds kept bitching about editions and blah blah blah them ladies have WHAT I NEED! Youkiddingme? You want blood? I'll sponsor a drive and drench the Forest floor in the lifeblood of the unfunded. Give it.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 05:27
|
|
|
Blasphemaster posted:Our spirit animal delivers again! You rant at the air, but nothing responds.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 05:37
|
|
|
Once we summon the Dryads burn that poo poo down so they're stuck with us . if we remember our time seducing the 2nd edition sorority sisters, something something numbers women are things. I want to see this rich gently caress try to roofie a tree and follow through regardless.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 05:40
|
|
|
Ill admit it, we're doing a lot better than I expected
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 06:09
|
|
|
Loel posted:Ill admit it, we're doing a lot better than I expected I don't see you propitiating Cernunnos, Loel! 
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 06:18
|
|
|
Blasphemaster posted:Once we summon the Dryads burn that poo poo down so they're stuck with us . if we remember our time seducing the 2nd edition sorority sisters, something something numbers women are things. You think back to that time you had that 3 way in college. With Chad and Karen. You don't like to remember that and quickly switch to the last time you went wild. 6 escorts are nothing for your cash level. But with this much coke. Sir Taddington's lance is willing, but the flesh is weak. Also what the gently caress is a dryad? Your coke voices are strange today.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 06:22
|
|
|
We are a carbon based life form. Dad's science guys say so. Turns out trees are a big thing with carbon credits, being made outta carbon or some poo poo. We're hungry. Eat a tree.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 06:52
|
|
|
What we need next is shelter We lift right? We should be able to put some food over the fire using the skeleton as skewers, then climb a tree using our coke strength to survey the area.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 11:29
|
|
|
Not enough poo poo is burning yet. We are a God of fire, and this is our altar. Feed it! Feed it everything we think will burn, then grab some deer meats and hold them in the flame.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 11:42
|
|
|
Come to think of it. What killed this deer, and will it be pissed that we stole it?
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 11:43
|
|
|
There Bias Two posted:Come to think of it. What killed this deer, and will it be pissed that we stole it? We are the Bear Beast, let it come. We are invincible! Nothing can stop us now. What could possibly go wrong?
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 11:46
|
|
|
AJ_Impy posted:We are the Bear Beast, let it come. We are invincible! Nothing can stop us now. What could possibly go wrong? An actual 🐻.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 11:47
|
|
|
You could like bench 600 lbs right now. You could punch a beat and like, put a hole through it like that old Kung Pow movie! You're the Beast Man of Finace, heir to the throne of Hello! All of nature will die to finance your next bump of coke! poo poo, you should lobby some jerks to make cocaine legal for winners. Turn this whole place into a coca farm. Import some "dreamers" then deport them every year instead of paying them. BEING RICH IS THE GREATEST! gently caress YOU BEAR I HOSTILE TAKEOVERED YOUR DEER STEAK!There Bias Two posted:What we need next is shelter You totally could make some sishkabob if you had a knife or something. That meat looks ace but the skin doesn't. Or do you leave the skin on? Climbing a tree sounds cool as poo poo though. Arkanomen fucked around with this message at 16:53 on Jul 24, 2017 |
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2017 16:50
|
|
|
Cooking is meat plus fire. Dump the carcass on the fire to cook and climb a tree like the Bear Grills Robinson loving Kruso we are.
|
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2017 00:03
|
|
|
Current plan is to 1. Cook up that deer bbq style 2. Build up the fire 3. Climb a tree and look around
|
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2017 00:32
|
|
|
Arkanomen posted:Current plan is to Doooo iiiiit.
|
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2017 00:35
|
|
|
Bonus points if we build up the fire so much we have to climb a tree to cook stuff.
|
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2017 01:13
|
|
|
Arkanomen posted:Current plan is to People assume we stole the deer from some bear or whatever. But the truth is, we killed the deer on our own and are actually covered in its blood right now. Plus there's an antler we can use to skewer it! Wait, that antler's in our side. poo poo. That's our blood...
|
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2017 03:32
|
|
|
You are god of this wood. This domain has been eminent-ed and this bountiful feast offered up as tribute. You are King Bear and you demand the smell of roasting meat. Cooking DC 30 vs Tad 91- Success - meat cooked 25% You think back to that time you were stuck out on your fathers two hundred foot mega yacht and the sun cover broke. You had two servants stand up the shade while you huffed ether from that one chicks.... YES A SERVANT. You quickly take the arm bones of the pilot and prop up the side of deer over the fire. The meat sizzles and snaps as the heat roasts the tender flesh while the skin keeps in the smokey flavor which itself is beginning to crackle and fry in its own juices.  Bonfire DC 30 vs Tad 25- failure, -30 min , +2 hours firewood Good meat takes time, but a hotter fire means faster cooking. You are king and a king requires a bonfire no less. You have mastered the flame, much like international monetary regulations and bribery. You take a good lap around the woods in the dying light but you only find some sticks and a small log enough to keep the fire going but not for massive bonfire. Maybe a few more hours. You have time now. The high begins to wear down but you have enough power left in your royal frame to climb the nearest tree and scout the surroundings. You leap like an animal up into the branches. Climb DC25 vs Tad 79 - Success -30 min, +1 map scout FUNCTIONAL STRENGTH BABY! You arms, while not swollen with huge mass have been honed with the work of the best trainers and the finest pharmaceuticals. You clamber up the tree about 20 feet and scope out the local wilderness. You take out the pencil and paper and make a quick sketch of the area. There's a mountain to the east that climbs up slowly for quite a distance, what looks like a small river to the north east and something odd sticks out to the north-west. Judging distance is a crap shoot but you guess the river and oddity are about a mile-mile and a half off through thick forest.  Your rendering isn't too great as your hand begins to shake a little and it becomes harder to hold the pencil. Its almost like your fingers a numb or something. You shiver, and you don't stop. Its the come down and it's angry. Your throat tightens and feels like you just downed a bucket of sand. Arms that once radiated strength now feel like limp noodles. The last rays of sunlight dip below the horizon and long shadows grow from the forest trying to fight your meager campfire. It feels cold. It's really cold. The shirt on your chest is soaked with sweat and the wind bites into your skin. The smell of roasting meat rises through the air mockingly. You are 20 feet in the air and are coming down from a cocaine overdose as the sun sets and the cold rushes in It is Early Night, 7 Hours until Sunrise You are at the Airplane Campfire You have been alone for 4 hours What do you do? Tad Westbrook You are moderately bruised and exhausted You are coming down and stressed Your clothing is slightly signed but intact You feel freezing You are very hungry and extremely thirsty Your addictions are satisfied -Cocaine -light -Alcohol -moderate Campfire - Small fire - Circle of Stones - +2 Hours of Firewood You are currently wearing- Cotton Crew Tee - okay- soaked Lamb Wool Sweater - singed (removed) Khaki Slacks - singed Wool Socks - okay Leather Loafers - singed Expensive Waterproof Rolex Possessions Large Carry-on backpack Travel Case - 60% full -$15,000 in $20 dollar bills. -7g of Cocaine -50 count of Norco (opiate + generic pain killer) -2 lighters (1.20 full) -Retreat welcome pamphlet -Legal pad -Battery Pack (3/4 bars) -Cellphone (40% charged, off) -Flask of Everclear (5 oz) -Fancy corkscrew/bottle opener -30 mushrooms -1/2 human skeleton (campsite) -40lbs undressed deer meat (50% cooked) -Guide for the following items -1 Heavy Duty, Waterproof, Vinyl Pouch, (3.25"x5") -2 Individually Sealed Micropur™ Water Purification Tablets -1 Heavy Duty Ziploc Bag™, Qt. siz -1 Spark-Lite™ Military fire starter (100%) -2 Tinder-Quik™ waterproof tinder, easily lit with the Spark-Lite™ and burns 2-3 minutes each -1 Rescue-Flash™ signal mirror, made of durable LEXAN® polycarbonate with mil-spec aiming aid for easy one-handed use, visible for over 20 miles -1 Rescue Howler™ Emergency signal whistle (110 decibel pea-less whistle) -1 20mm compass, slightly calibrated -1 Duct Tape 2"x26", repairs, first aid, and countless other uses -1 Sterile Scalpel Blade, light duty cutting chores, first aid, splinter removal -1 Stainless Steel Utility Wire (6 ft) -1 Fresnel Magnifier for reading small print (especially if glasses are lost) and emergency fire starting -50 ft. Heavy Duty Nylon Thread -1 Heavy Duty Sewing Needle with large eye -4 Fish Hooks -2 Sinkers -1 Snap Swivel -3 sq. ft. of Heavy Duty Foil, reflecting heat from a fire or improvising a cooking container -10 ft. Heavy Duty Nylon Cord (150 lb test), shelter building and many other uses -4 Safety Pins -1 Pencil -2 Waterproof Paper
Arkanomen fucked around with this message at 03:47 on Jul 26, 2017 |
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2017 04:37
|
|
|
Oh poo poo gently caress this general state of things. Damnit Obama you sunnuvabitch! This is your fault somehow! Try and break some branches off on our way down so we can firewood them. Move carefully so we don't chafe our scrote on the way down.
|
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2017 05:00
|
|
|
People are like 60% water right? Warm y the fire whilst we eat that deer, it's probably done rare like we like it. Drink some pond water and stoke the fire with what we've got. Also put on the sweater.
|
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2017 05:33
|
|
|
Outrail posted:People are like 60% water right? Warm y the fire whilst we eat that deer, it's probably done rare like we like it. Drink some pond water and stoke the fire with what we've got. Also put on the sweater. Drink pond water? Like some poor chump? How, with my hands? There's probably beaver poop in that water man. But I'm so thirsty. poo poo what do I do?
|
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2017 05:40
|
|
|
Arkanomen posted:Drink pond water? Like some poor chump? How, with my hands? There's probably beaver poop in that water man. But I'm so thirsty. poo poo what do I do? Alcohol kills germs. Drink the rest of the everclear and then anything else we drink gets sterilized. Genius!
|
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2017 06:34
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 19, 2024 04:01 |
|
|
Outrail posted:Alcohol kills germs. Drink the rest of the everclear and then anything else we drink gets sterilized. Genius! I got like 3 shots left. Didn't the pack say something about bleach pills? Maybe I could boil something. I dunno, you're the boss, crazy head voice. Man I took too much coke. It's really coooold. Arkanomen fucked around with this message at 06:55 on Jul 25, 2017 |
|
#
?
Jul 25, 2017 06:50
|
|