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I wrap a disused Electrocorp Charging Cable around my waist, holding up the blown-out elastic in my commando jorts. Through this delicate bit of yarnomancy I thread my Gameboy Supreme (a mexican device which played bootleg Wonderswan ROMs) a battery pack, my beeper, a battery pack for my beeper, a yo-yo in a clear plastic case, another battery pack, and a roll of Cybertape. My mission was clear: Hack a vending machine. Vending machines have "snacks" which are "delicious" and "can be fenced for Pogs." By cyberhacking the beeper onto the Vendo, I will be able to gigawatt my way into the Snack Protection Matrix, disable it, and load up on valuable cakes, snack bars, and wafers. Security is expected to be high, and detection will surely result in "getting in trouble." Casing the joint reveals a trio of heavily armed security guards patrolling the Vendo, slapping their Slapping Sticks in their hands. "Boy, I hope nobody hacks the Vendo." One of them said. "Nothing will distract us from guarding it." The other replied, smacking his stick in his hand. I knew I had to create a distraction if I was to succeed. Noticing an Optical Illuminatrix Interface Device, I stealthily brought my yo yo online. With a single flick, I missed the switch. I missed it several more times after that, but throwing it at the bulbs overhead proved extremely distracting. "I'm distracted." One guard shouted in a panic. "The fortune cookie said this would happen." "Don't step anywhere, there might be glass. Stay completely still until an adult comes and is able to sort this whole mess out." Another shouted in a calm but scared voice, as I walked right past him with my shoes fully inflated. I taped the beeper to the underside of the Vendo, along with a spare battery pack in case it gets lonely. Then I jumped out a window, using my karate. The fall would have killed a normal man or a below-average baby, but i am neither man nor baby. I am Duke Thunderbike, AKA the Kid Cyber, and no one in my town knows what a BBS is. |
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Aug 1, 2017 23:46
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| # ? May 4, 2024 21:21 |
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I hacked the Gibson my father drinks so now he won't get angry and mean... ever |
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Aug 2, 2017 00:49
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I'm an aging modemnator, a 14.4K relic trying to stay alive in a 56K world. But I know something these youngsters tend to forget: we all disconnect the same. |
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Aug 2, 2017 03:19
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Some corps are too much to handle, and I can tell this is one of them. I can't believe I got my crew in to this but here we are, and good luck getting out without getting *snaps fingers* unplugged. Before us is an enormous citadel, framed in ever-stormy sky, even heard some street chumps say the everlasting lightning strikes are what power it. I've never seen a building this large and I can tell neither has the team, everyone stares in shock from the shadows of the alley we approach from, reeking of gutted fish and acid rain. Client's paying big bucks, whatever this is it must be real, told us to bring as many punch cards as we could carry. Says the entire building is one big "hard drive", says it can hold over 500 kilobytes of data and he wants it all. What that says to me is he's full of poo poo, no way something like that's possible. |
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Aug 2, 2017 07:19
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*slices into your deck* |
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Aug 2, 2017 13:19
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Two programs, locked in an intense cyber death match on the game grid, furiously pedal their Lightpennyfarthings. |
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Aug 2, 2017 13:49
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My cyber-security suit of armor made from floppy disks linked together loaded with firewall software.
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Aug 2, 2017 14:00
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Playing the dial-up tone at open mic night |
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Aug 2, 2017 14:20
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all my BASIC programs were less than 10 full lines of code cuz i hadn't learned to count past 100 yet
crimes |
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Aug 2, 2017 15:15
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John Romero and Akon in the club, making it rain DOOM install floppy disks
crimes |
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Aug 2, 2017 15:16
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My cybernetic eyes see the world as if through windows the size of a postage stamp. I could enlarge the display, but the frame-rate would tank. |
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Aug 2, 2017 16:11
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i cast my gaze about suspiciously. slowly, i crank the handle of a jack in the box three cranks. the horrible music fills the dank Toy Closet by the Preschool Lavatory. I cast my gaze about again, gazing past the mouldering heaps of garbage and perilous stacks of dolls. once more, i crank, the slow music clunking across the floorboards. POP! the doll burst forth, a headless spring in tattered particolor finery. A single scrap of paper clutched in a felted hand, I unrolled it by the wedge of light pouring in through the crack in the doorjamb. 8008135 it read. I nodded, scribbling the code down in my Ultimate Codebook. The divine secrets of mathematics would be mine, someday, once my calculator finished charging its solar panel on the window. crimes |
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Aug 2, 2017 17:17
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:all my BASIC programs were less than 10 full lines of code cuz i hadn't learned to count past 100 yet and thus was a demoscene superstar born
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Aug 2, 2017 18:33
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Imprisoned by the Cyber Cops, I construct a crude electric guitar to aid in my mistake. Shredding a solo brings along a contingent of guards in riot gear to stop me. I smile and jam The Brown Note as they all lose control of their bowels. In the confusion, I shred the correct notes with the resonant frequency to shut down their electronics and bust the locks to make my cyberescape. |
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Aug 3, 2017 00:27
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:i cast my gaze about suspiciously. slowly, i crank the handle of a jack in the box three cranks. the horrible music fills the dank Toy Closet by the Preschool Lavatory. I cast my gaze about again, gazing past the mouldering heaps of garbage and perilous stacks of dolls. once more, i crank, the slow music clunking across the floorboards. lol https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 3, 2017 00:39
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yes, but only by becoming a grandfather |
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Aug 3, 2017 02:21
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*stabs dear pap-pap in the heart* "heh, grandfathered out old man" |
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Aug 3, 2017 02:22
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u got cyber punkt and posted in the wrong thread my dude unless u hacked a gateway between threads with your baud modem mr. hackerman in which case, as the phreaks say, "awesome"
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Aug 3, 2017 02:52
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You couldn't always stand in the torrential downpour looking like a mysterious cybernetic badass, not unless you had what OG c-punks liked to call an 'umbrella' |
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Aug 3, 2017 03:04
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grandpas are the original cyberpunks. at least, the ones who got their bum tickers fixed up a jig were. *places a corded rotary phone receiver over my heart* crimes |
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Aug 3, 2017 04:24
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listen to this sick beat I did up on the ol grammapbone * cranks up gramophone for 10 mins* haha yessiree yer gonna love this *still cranking*
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Aug 3, 2017 04:35
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*pulls out sega gamegear to hack the pentagon with* |
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Aug 3, 2017 05:35
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"presses button that activates weed chip"
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Aug 3, 2017 06:06
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Higgy posted:listen to this sick beat I did up on the ol grammapbone hissssssss klik klllik HISSSSSSSSSS *extremely blackface voice fades in slowly* wwwwhhooooaaaaaa myyyyy honnneeeeyyyy, ohhhhhhhhh my honeypiiieeee hoooowwww i loooooong to loooooove youuuu 'neeeeaaaath the midnight skkkyyyyyyyy crimes |
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Aug 3, 2017 06:21
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*Straps on Powerglove* "Lets do this!"
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Aug 3, 2017 12:58
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:hissssssss klik klllik HISSSSSSSSSS haha oh geez sorry wrong one let me just find the ol wax cylinder where I stored all my DoD access codes, just gotta dust it off and *watches as the wax cylinder crumbles immediately* haha oh sheesh technology amirite?? plan b, just gonna don my VR headset and surf the nets that way *pulls old diver helmet out of storage* gonna really dive in on the nets yesss
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Aug 3, 2017 18:56
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*drops a tree on a scrub-rear end newb* lmao, get logged on bithc crimes |
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Aug 3, 2017 19:11
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Shave and a haircut, on or off!
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Aug 3, 2017 19:43
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A baby, crawling back inside its mother, to retrieve its goatee and bluetooth enabled vape pen.
crimes |
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Aug 3, 2017 21:40
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*underground warrior, 1337_sk8r_1995, walks into a cyberpub wearing a full-length pleather jacket with bluetooth-enabled pockets. also wearing 8-10 oz. of cybergel in hair* 1337_sk8r_1995: gruff voice: bar admin, give me a shot of hack Daniels bar admin: ...how old are you? 1337_sk8r_1995: in human years or.........digital years? *slides off the first layer of 4G-enabled sunglasses* bar admin: i understand... i understand. the megacorporation, oasis goodguy enterprises, had finally pushed things too far, and tomorrow, 1337_sk8r_1995 would be taking the fight to them. but tonight, he was getting brain-hacked from an overload of digitalcoholic drinks. the things he had seen, the things he knew he would see... no amount of emotion-augmentation chips could help him shoulder the burden alone. 1337_sk8r_1995 removed his second layer of 4G-enabled sunglasses and gargled his first of many shots of whisk.exe. ----- |
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Aug 4, 2017 15:28
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cool_kid_joe: hey dad guess what normal_dad: what cool_kid_joe: CHICKENBUTT normal_dad: joe we have to talk normal_dad: it's about your mother crimes |
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Aug 4, 2017 19:33
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1992. i loaded up bubble bobble. little did i know what was about to happen to the world around me. ----- |
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Aug 4, 2017 22:12
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a recent unearthing of an ancient egyptian tomb found traces of hacking all throughout the burial tomb. there was a spraypainted face of guy fawkes on the mummified pharoah. ----- |
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Aug 4, 2017 22:16
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Three pages, three fragging pages, what kind of a monster would require that of anyone? But Mr. Johnson is good for the credits, and he said we can even score extra if we do the problems at the end of Chapter 6. It's time to gear up, chummers. Let's do some math.
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Aug 5, 2017 00:42
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when they first came out, holographic eye changers projected over your eyelids and didn't track where you were looking. it was like spraying a room with a can of sexbot gold bodyspray to get rid of the smell: it becomes more obvious that you're hiding something |
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Aug 5, 2017 00:59
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The sky above Portus Cale was the colour of the sea in the bay. Blue. I adjusted my leather goggles as I dove through layers of wine-dark rhomboids in CaesarSpace, BronzeICE trailing me like smoke in the wake of the mighty chariot of Apollo. Each represented thousands of clay tablets, or whatever Romans wrote poo poo on I dunno, and I was pretty good at this hacking business. Pretty good, that was, until I stole from the Praetorian Guard. Caesar himself laughed as my nerve endings burned away, a special cyber virus his soothsayers in Antioch had cooked up special. I would never dive Caesarspace again.
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Aug 5, 2017 14:06
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punchymcpunch posted:I would never dive Caesarspace again. E tu, ubuntrutus? *caesarsecurity is breached repeatedly in the torso* ----- |
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Aug 5, 2017 14:13
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I stared at the contents of the pawnshop window. I came here often, drawn most of all to the centaurs. Proud, mighty, their hot breath fogging the window, I thought often of them. When I thought of my journeys, I saw in the night sky, gleaming neon points by which I might navigate my ship. I thought about buying one, wrapped in greaseproof paper, taking it back to my capsule in the tanning district. I never did. "What have we here, chummer?" snarled an unfriendly voice. "Gratitude, Cassius, for making our jobs easier. Our jobs of KILLING you that is! Brutally! And violently! By being here, where we expected to find you!" Turning, I saw six men in togas. Flicking my wrist, activating the monofilament rete concealed in my wooden hand, I now saw six targets. Stuffing the net back into its place of concealment, all I saw were six lumps of meat.
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Aug 5, 2017 14:16
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Meeksha posted:E tu, ubuntrutus? lmao
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Aug 5, 2017 14:17
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| # ? May 4, 2024 21:21 |
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punchymcpunch posted:I would never dive Caesarspace again. E tu, ubuntrutus? *caesarsecurity is breached repeatedly in the torso* ----- |
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Aug 5, 2017 14:29
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