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Really Pants posted:you're not a real goth until your family is inbred and devil-worshiping to the point your haunted family mansion collapses upon itself
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Jan 8, 2018 15:28
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Hey! Hey. Don't talk so loud about the Pool clan.Thesaya posted:This is also why I am so flabbergasted by Damien looking for authentic stuff at Hot Topic, at his age he should have long since moved on to better places to buy proper Victorian stuff. I mean, there are hundreds of Etsy shops selling more authentic things, with proper quality materials for the same price as that kind of store! Right? I'm actually surprised at how hard the game's writing is digging in at his expense. Thesaya posted:Again, baby bat. would totally have gone for that myself at that age. As in, the age when you first get started and just embrace every single cliche, not realising that is what it is. Which he seems to be stuck at, unlike most of us who actually develops some taste and actual individuality does. But look, he's got his ruffles game on lock. While we've got you on the line, how would you describe the subculture, if you don't mind expounding a bit? (I was also a baby bat back in the day, but commercialism was not my thing and I lived out in the countryside.)
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Jan 8, 2018 15:56
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Where's the Beef? Part 3  "Ah, pity." "Are you enjoying the party so far?" "Oh definitely, thanks so much for putting this on. It's nice to be in a cul-de-sac where everyone is so friendly and welcoming."  "I also like the Lost Boys a lot. Really good movie. Does that count as Goth?" "That it would my dear. I don't believe we've had the pleasure of meeting. Damien Bloodmarch, at your service."Damien finishes the sentence with a flourish and a bow, producing a single rose and offering it to Amanda. Amanda blushes and returns the gesture with a curtsy.  "My, you do know how to treat a lady."I wish this were illustrated.  Seemingly out of nowhere, Joseph's twin kids appear. Uh... are they speaking in unison?  "H...Hey." &  "Won't you come play with us?" "Uhhh...." & "Come play with us. Forever." "Guys, enough with the creepy twin schtick. We've talked about this."  "Where do you think they got that from?" "I uh... don't know."Mary takes a looooong sip of the wine.  "I think I might have taped over a Veggietales VHS with the Shining. Who knows."She takes another sip of her wine.  "Where's Crish?" "Wasn't he with you?" "You... had him a moment ago." "He's probably stuffing dirt in his mouth. He'll be alright. Toddlers are pretty resilient."Mary tips her glass to me. "Ain't my first time to the rodeo."It's my fourth."  "Sweetheart, would you do me a favor and please find Crish? That would be great."Romance is a genre solidly built upon tropes, and one of those is that if a romantic lead or interest has an established relationship going in, the relationship falls apart and it is the other partner's fault. In gay romance -- that is, m/m -- any hetero relationship is almost always with a woman who could be charitably described as shrewish. The terrible married life is usually over before the actual story begins, though; most readers won't tolerate infidelity, and a book would be well-advised to warn directly in its blurb if it actually includes a lead cheating.  "I'm sure he's fine." "Mary." "Okay, geez."Mary finishes her wine and wanders off.  "Ah, Lucien, have I introduced you to John yet?"Hey, it's that punk from Amanda's school. "I remember you." "Whatever." "That's no way for a young man to speak to his elders! Be polite."Damien is another father with a direct take. Lucien bows.  "Whatever...sir."Lucien bows again.  "Mr. Christiansen, may I have a veggie burger... sir?" "Coming right up, bud. Are you vegetarian?" "Yup." "Make that two veggie burgers. Did you know that some people in the Victorian era were vegetarians? They described carnivorous-type people as "Blood-lappers."Western vegetarianism's philosophical roots are strongly influenced by Pythagoras's writings, though he probably wasn't a strict vegetarian and also hated beans. Part of Pythagoras's thinking was based on Orphism, a pre-Socratic religion that popped up in Greece around the 6th century BC. The center of this religion was the concept of eternal souls trapped in a cycle of death and rebirth. "Dad..." "That's really interesting, Damien."Joseph turns to the grill. Just a hint of a tattoo peeks out from underneath his sleeve. I can't believe I didn't notice it before. It looks like the bottom of an anchor.  "Yup. I wasn't always a youth pastor, you know." "That's so cool. Wanna see mine?" "What?"Lucien pulls back some rubber bracelets, revealing a lopsided "666" in black ink. "My buddy gave me a stick and poke tattoo last week. I think it's healing up pretty good." "Lucien!" "...we'll talk about this later." "That's pretty cool. What's the significance of the tattoo?" "I dunno... I just thought it looked sick."We don't really know enough about Lucien to know if he's being evasive or honest here. "Well, in my opinion the only reason you need to get a tattoo is because you want one. Careful though, that number carries weight."Man... Joseph is a way cooler Youth Pastor than I thought. I just figured Youth Pastors popped out of the womb with a bible. I wonder what he did before preaching.   "Hey... guys."We are, by the way, locked out of pursuing Robert for the rest of this particular playthrough.  "John!!! How the heck are ya? Settling into the neighborhood alright?" "Oh you betcha. Got the living room in order at least." "That's great to hear! I've been doing some living room work as well. Finally got the 50" in there. The Game looks great in high def."Oh boy. Oh boy.  "Yes... I believe we met... briefly." "..."Hey." Robert takes a long sip of whiskey. Robert robotically extends a hand. I shake it as he stares unblinkingly into my eyes. Oh god, what does it mean? "H...how's it going?" "It's good."Robert focuses on the whiskey he's holding. He takes a long sip. "Great! Look at my friends becoming friends. Us Dads gotta stick together, you know?"Us Dads? Robert has a kid? "Oh, I didn't know you had kids."Robert continues to stare at me. Jesus, does this guy ever blink? "Yep."...." The barbecue is pregnant with Pinter pauses, but somehow they just don't work as well when you only convey them through ellipses.  We stand in incredibly uncomfortable silence for several moments until--  "We gotta get off this haunted truck!" "Oh no, the ghost locked the doors!"  "Quick, hit the emergency escape button!" "But trucks don't have emergency escape buttons." "Uhhh, then...hit the break, I guess. And then we'll get out of the truck."The imaginary truck. "Anyway, we're safe from the ghosts, but how will we ever survive this Arctic tundra? Daisy, you might have to eat me. Are you prepared to do that?"  "I'm prepared to do anything to survive." "That's cold blooded. I like that." "Wait a second, are you guys....playing....Long Haul Ice Road Paranormal Ghost Truckers?" "Yeah!" "Amanda and I love that show!" "It's the best! Especially that episode where Callum hides Flynt's keys and--" "--Flynt retaliates by breaking an ancient cursed urn and sending the spirit after him, yeah! It's such quality reality television." "Alright, Daisy. I found us a couple of bugs, they're gonna make a great meal. Lots of protein. Gonna keep us from starving out here in this harsh, icy wasteland." "But there's a whole table of food right over th--" Amanda is a good kid.  "Live a little."Amanda gives Daisy a handful of gummy worms from the snack table. They eat them with mock disgust. "Let's go find kindling for a fire!" "But not an actual fire." "Because we're playing pretend?" "Now you're getting it." I turn my attention back to the conversation but-- wait. Where did Robert go? I skim the party and finally find him in the corner talking to Mary. Does... does he not want to talk?  I snap out of my Robert-induced haze. Being mesmerized is also a pretty common way to describe the romance protagonist's response to their romantic interest. I wouldn't call it a trope, really. Alas, this particular line is now doomed, so Thread Dad must seek love elsewhere. "I guess Amanda just sort of has a way with kids." Hmm, it's nice that he's not trying to one-up me this time. Maybe we can have a regular friendship after all. "Really?" "She just kind of keeps to herself. Her teachers say she spends every recess in the library. I think the other kids are intimidated by her intelligence."There it is. Sounds more like denial to me. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. Amanda was shy at Daisy's age too. She used to have a habit of crawling under tables and crying every time we took her to a restaurant."She bit people too."  "Gotta love em. You're required to by law." "Well, since they're getting along so well, maybe we should try to put together a little play-date for them?" "Yeah, that'd be nice!" "Well, I don't want to take up too much of your time. Go meet some of the other fellas!"And... It's burger time.  Joseph closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and gets to work. With the greatest of ease he sets patties on the grill, flourishing as he flips his spatula in the air. It's easily some of the best grill work I've ever seen. "You guys think this is my first time in front of a grill?"He's workinig faster now, effortlessly tossing cheese onto patties and perfectly grilling onions on the side. One after another, the Dads take notice and crowd around Joseph to admire his masterful technique.    "I've tried to get on his level, but I just can't ketchup."    "Okay we need to stop, this is getting too... cheesy." We've all seen threads like this. All of the children at the party boo the glorious display of puns in unison. "Alright guys, the food's ready! Please form an orderly barbe-queue."Amanda groans. We all grab our food and hang out, enjoying perfectly cooked cheeseburgers.   "Kinda nice, isn't it? It feels like there's a real community here. Totally helps when you're just a single Dad trying to raise a kid." "We're happy to have you here man, I think you're gonna like this neighborhood a lot!" "Hey, why don't you add us all on DadBook?" "DadBook?" "Yeah, it's a great social network for Dads to keep in touch with each other. We're all on it, so if you ever need to reach out to anyone, that's the simplest way to do it." "Don't worry Pops, I'll help you figure it out."The rest of the BBQ goes smoothly, we all trade stories and drink beer as our kids play on the lawn. Amanda breaks up a fight between Carmensita and those weird twins. I think they wanted her soul. Next time: DadBook Well, we've met just about the whole crew now -- and all the dads. As I mentioned during the update, Robert's out of contention as a romantic partner for the rest of this playthrough, but that doesn't mean we can't snag us a bad boy next run!
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Jan 8, 2018 18:38
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I can't be the only one who thought of this...
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Jan 8, 2018 20:10
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That round of dad puns was beautiful. I hope it keeps happening.
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Jan 8, 2018 20:36
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Leraika posted:I can't be the only one who thought of this...  Now I gotta make a goon contributions graphic.
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Jan 8, 2018 20:57
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Nice, double update and a pun bonanza! I followed the art chat perfectly just from knowledge gained via the Art Academy games, which makes me wonder if the game's writer also comes from the Vince school of art, because I'm sure there's a ton they don't cover. Goth dude saying painting his house black makes it warmer is just wrong, mind. Black objects are highly efficient at both absorbing and radiating heat so a black house would, if anything, get unbearably hot in summer and freezing in winter. I bet it looks awesome though. POOL IS CLOSED posted:This is the first time the characters directly address the anxieties of fatherhood. What kind of relationship do you want with your child? What do you envision your obligations and ultimate goal as? Lastly, how do you try to fulfill those? As a pretty recent dad I'm reasonably terrified at the prospect of my kid growing up and forming actual opinions on things. I trust this thread will provide me with all the knowledge I need to navigate those shoals. POOL IS CLOSED posted:And lastly, thread... how about you? Do you partake of the Goth lifestyle? I've always had a thing for goth chicks, but I'm not sure that stretches to goth dads. Give me Brian over Damien, he looks way more huggable.
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Jan 9, 2018 01:23
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Sometimes I kind of wish DadBook were a real thing.
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Jan 9, 2018 02:02
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Bring back Dad Chat. Edit: It's back! McGavin fucked around with this message at 07:11 on Jan 9, 2018 |
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Jan 9, 2018 07:00
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Maugrim posted:I followed the art chat perfectly just from knowledge gained via the Art Academy games, which makes me wonder if the game's writer also comes from the Vince school of art, because I'm sure there's a ton they don't cover. I've never heard of these games, so now I must look them up. quote:As a pretty recent dad I'm reasonably terrified at the prospect of my kid growing up and forming actual opinions on things. I trust this thread will provide me with all the knowledge I need to navigate those shoals. As you all know, this thread is the prime source for advice on fathering. Eventually your child will begin forming and uttering opinions, some of them terrible, and you will have to use the power of dad jokes to set them on the right path. quote:Give me Brian over Damien, he looks way more huggable. Damien does have a pointy look, but that cloak! It's fantastic! Please wrap me up in it TIA. idonotlikepeas posted:Sometimes I kind of wish DadBook were a real thing. McGavin posted:Bring back Dad Chat. Look at all these dads, dadding together! What's the word for a group of dads?
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Jan 9, 2018 18:33
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POOL IS CLOSED posted:Look at all these dads, dadding together! What's the word for a group of dads? Well, if there are exactly three, it's a Trinidad.
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Jan 10, 2018 00:12
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POOL IS CLOSED posted:Look at all these dads, dadding together! What's the word for a group of dads? a scold
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Jan 10, 2018 00:21
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Dallbun posted:Well, if there are exactly three, it's a Trinidad. 
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Jan 10, 2018 00:25
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Dallbun posted:Well, if there are exactly three, it's a Trinidad.
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Jan 10, 2018 03:34
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POOL IS CLOSED posted:Look at all these dads, dadding together! What's the word for a group of dads? A deck.
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Jan 10, 2018 19:37
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Ask any kid, the technical term is an embarassment of dads.
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Jan 10, 2018 20:21
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In like Zinn posted:Ask any kid, the technical term is an embarassment of dads. I concede.
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Jan 11, 2018 01:56
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Dadbook Dad Tip #20: Keep your word.   "You and Daisy seemed like you were having a way better time than I was." "Because we were!" "Well, hey, at least you met some other cool Dads! You should hit them up on DadBook!" "...I have a good feeling about this place." "Me too, Dad." "Any big plans for this evening?" "Actually yeah, I'm going out with some friends." "Oh." "Is that okay?" "Of course, just keep me posted. And be home before midnight."What happened to that whole late term paper thing, thread? You're a forgetful dad.  This is a powerful expression. "And be careful." "I will." "Make good choices." "Of course." "And call me if you need anything." "Dad, you're not gonna do the thing where you wait silently for me to come home in the living room with all the lights off, are you?" "What? No. I've never done that and I will never do that." "Okay. Do you have plans tonight?" My plans were kinda to eat ice cream and watch TV with Amanda, but I'll find something to do. "I'm gonna..." "You know. Dad stuff. I'm just relaxing tonight. Have fun, okay?" I watch Amanda drive off into the night. I really do hope she has fun. I plop down in front of the TV and turn on some Wine and Dine Mastermind with celebrity chef Gavin Chapman. Looks like Gavin's making a roasted rack of lamb with rosemary mashed potatoes. I'd love to be able to cook like that. Although I think if I was actually good at cooking, I'd use my powers for evil, like just making baked alaskas all day instead of any food of real nutritional substance. Man, Gavin Chapman just caught that thing on fire but he meant to do it! What a professional. I lose track of time as I blaze through several episodes of Wine and Dine Mastermind and also one episode of some cooking show called Meat Hell. I'm not even sure what that one was about. It was just a lot of yelling. I glance at my watch. Man, it's almost midnight. I should check in with Amanda. I send a text...   I reach into the freezer and grab an ice cream sandwich. It's a little late for this, but I think I earned it after a long day of... socializing. I check my watch again... and then my phone... nothing yet. Hmm... Okay see now I'm worried. Do I call her? Do I call the cops? No, no, it's too soon for that. I’ll just send her a gentle reminder text.  Half an hour passes. Now I’m really worried. The episodes of Gavin Chapman's Meat Hell are not only not assuaging my anxiety, but possibly exacerbating it with all the yelling, so I keep pacing around the house, waiting for her to come back. Why didn't I find out where she was going? Who was she even with? Why don't I know any of her friend's phone numbers? Why don't I even know any of her friend's full names? WHO IS EMMA P.??? I decide to send her another text. "Amanda, please text me and let me know you're okay."I can't help but think of all the awful things that could have happened to her.  Amanda opens the door and shuffles in. Finally. FINALLY she's back home. I'm glad she's okay. "Sup." "Sweetie thank god you're safe." "Uh, yep."....but now that I know she's okay, I'm really mad. "Why didn't you answer my texts?" "Oh. Whoops, guess I didn't see those."She starts to walk to her room. "Amanda Ann!" "Whoa, we're pulling out the middle name now?" "Amanda, you came home an hour and a half after your curfew and you didn't respond to any of my texts. You really freaked me out. I was about to call the cops!" "Dad, you're seriously overreacting. You're not gonna be like this when I go off to school, are you?" "You're my only daughter!" I sit down on the couch and put my head in my hands. I feel very tired all of a sudden. Well, it is 1:30 a.m. or thereabouts. "You really scared me. Just... please don't do that again." "...Alright... I'm gonna go to bed now." Jeez. As I'm falling asleep, one thing she said keeps echoing in my mind... "You're not gonna be like this when I go off to school, are you?"   "Hey..."I thought about what you said last night..." "I should've texted you. I said I was gonna do it and I didn't. I honestly just didn't even think about it." "I'm really sorry, Pops. I won't do it again." "Well..." "I also thought about it, and I'll try to give you your space from here on out. I gotta trust that you can take care of yourself." "Team Mandeville?" "Team Mandeville."Amanda gives me a hug. "Want some eggs?" "You know it. Sprinkle some cheese on 'em?" "Already did." "Bless you."Amanda scarfs down the eggs in the time it takes me to wash the pan. "Alright I'm off to school, smell ya later!" "Wait. One more thing before you go." "What?" "What's Dadbook?" "It's a social media platform." "Wait." "What?"  "Dad, I have to go to school." "C'mon Amanda, I'm an old man. I can't put together a Dadbook profile on my own." Amanda spends the next couple minutes setting up my profile on Dadbook, which as it turns out is a place where Dads can get together and talk about fatherhood. "Alright Pops, we gotta fill out your profile. Let's get some likes and dislikes."Okay, everybody! Give me a good Dad Profile for Thread Dad.         ...  Next time: Pick your own strong dad arms! Okey dokey thread, it's time to make CHOICES. Answer the profile questions so Thread Dad can complete his profile and join the Internet Superhighway. Then give me your FIRST and SECOND picks for Dads to chill with next. The order matters. POOL IS CLOSED fucked around with this message at 00:02 on Jan 25, 2018 |
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Jan 24, 2018 23:59
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Torment my children with dad puns A boat, obviously Comfortable with crying The president of space Old comedies that haven't aged well Napping together My cripplingly low self-esteem Conspiracy theories Damien, Brian
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Jan 25, 2018 00:13
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Torment my children with Dad puns, of course. A boat, obviously. Strong Dad arms. Pro-skater who is also an astronaut. Sean Connery's entire filmography. Arson. My cripplingly low self-esteem. If I'll ever be able to love myself as much as I love my grill. As for the dads... uh, Hugo and Damien?
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Jan 25, 2018 00:32
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Torment my children with dad puns I don't need anything. My survival skills have trained me for this day. Comfortable with crying the president of space whatever will make me cry Being emotionally vulnerable My cripplingly low self-esteem Potential ends of the world First choice: Hugo Second choice: Damien
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Jan 25, 2018 00:49
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Blaze Dragon posted:Torment my children with dad puns Works for me +1
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Jan 25, 2018 00:54
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Torment my children with dad puns A boat, obviously Strong Dad arms The president of space Romantic comedies 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle My book of word jumbles and a pen Potential ends of the world 1st choice Brian 2nd choice Hugo
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Jan 25, 2018 01:03
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Bifauxnen posted:Torment my children with dad puns except First choice: Joseph Second choice: Hugo I really want to see what's up with Joseph and his weirdass family.
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Jan 25, 2018 01:07
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Dad Puns, ho! A boat, duh Top-tier grills, baby Space Prez, President of Space Sean "James Bond" Connery Napping Low Self-esteem Coffee I have a liking for Hugo and Mat
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Jan 25, 2018 01:44
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Dad puns Lost shaker of salt "the grills" Space Prez 2020 Old comedies Napping WHERE'S MY PHONE???? My child First choice: Hugo Second Choice: Joseph
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Jan 25, 2018 01:49
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What's Dad's actual job? I hope the pro skater who is also an astronaut is true for him, he's achieved his boyhood dreams.
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Jan 25, 2018 04:45
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Alopex posted:What's Dad's actual job? Something that lets him work from home apparently.
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Jan 25, 2018 07:11
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No one is going to comment that her name is Amanda Ann Mandeville? That is some serious alliteration to saddle a kid with
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Jan 25, 2018 16:15
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We could have called her Amanda Ann Anderson. Then her nickname could have been Triple A.
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Jan 25, 2018 16:51
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mercenarynuker posted:No one is going to comment that her name is Amanda Ann Mandeville? That is some serious alliteration to saddle a kid with Still better than the creepy christian congregation of CCs.
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Jan 25, 2018 17:06
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Torment my children with Dad puns (Any other answer would demonstrably be a lie, based on what we've seen so far.) The lost shaker of salt (How is this obviously correct answer not earning more votes?) top-tier grillmanship salty boat captain Sean Connery's entire filmography Arson I frequently forget my phone, keys, and wallet at home, sometimes How proud I am of my child First choice: Mat Second choice: Damien
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Jan 26, 2018 01:32
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Confused Llama posted:The lost shaker of salt (How is this obviously correct answer not earning more votes?) I don't get it, what's the reference
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Jan 26, 2018 07:31
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That would be from Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville, the dadliest song in existence.
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Jan 26, 2018 08:28
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue2-ZVxpVjc
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Jan 26, 2018 08:57
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Netflix and Grill is me and my boyfriend's favorite date night. ARE WE DADS?!?! He'll be so excited. He's always wanted to be a dad.
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Jan 26, 2018 20:04
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Suspect Bucket posted:Netflix and Grill is me and my boyfriend's favorite date night. ARE WE DADS?!?! Congratulations, new dads! Make sure y'all cast your ballots, or any ties may have to be broken through Gizmo fiat.
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Jan 26, 2018 23:13
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Netflix and Grill A boat Strong dad arms pro-skater who is also an astronaut old comedies that haven't aged well arson a sensible cardigan potential ends of the world And Brian definitely. Let's see how BearDad fares. Secondary vote goes to Mat because why not.
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Jan 26, 2018 23:30
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Dad puns A boat, obviously top-tier grillmanship president of space old comedies that haven't aged well Geocaching My cripplingly low self-esteem Potential ends of the world First choice: Hugo Second choice: Damien.
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Jan 27, 2018 00:05
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Netflix and Grill, baby My trusty grill top tier grillmanship the president of space anything on LaserDisc Eating a healthy dinner at 4pm A cool knife If I'll ever be able to love myself as much as I love my grill
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Jan 28, 2018 05:39
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