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This thread matches the category cos this is definitely in classical studies territory. The Roman Empire had several emperors during its existence, including some shrimpy nerd-looking guys. For instance, here is Elagabalus, who reigned for four years before killed by his own boyguards because lol: Look at this guy, who if he lived in our age would be playing with Warhammer figurines or something relatively nerdy and normal. Actually wait I lied he was part of a cult and did poo poo like this: Wikipedia nerds posted:He aroused further discontent when he married the Vestal Virgin Aquilia Severa, claiming the marriage would produce "godlike children". This was a flagrant breach of Roman law and tradition, which held that any Vestal found to have engaged in sexual intercourse was to be buried alive. I'm not even getting into the sexuality section of the article. Let's talked about people misbehaving and/or having nice meltdowns in antiquity.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 06:59 |
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# ? May 21, 2024 15:47 |
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romans were into boy loving a lot so i bet theywould have made great mods. also the last romans got rekt by the muslims which is kinda like we the rest of the western society are getting rekt now lol poo poo
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 07:02 |
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Canti Busti Krusti
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 08:02 |
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Mr.Tophat posted:Canti Busti Krusti
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 08:05 |
didn't read op, voted goku
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 08:11 |
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Look man, unless you can prove this emperor was buried with a katana, or at the very least an authentic far-east scimitar made of true Damascus, I question this Chad's nerd cred. Because it sounds a whole lot like he married a virgin Stacy who was after his awesome genes.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 08:19 |
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a hole-y ghost posted:busty krusty? moderators non carborundum
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 08:40 |
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Nooner posted:romans were into boy loving a lot so i bet theywould have made great mods. also the last romans got rekt by the muslims which is kinda like we the rest of the western society are getting rekt now lol poo poo
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 08:55 |
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Nooner posted:romans were into boy loving a lot so i bet theywould have made great mods. also the last romans got rekt by the muslims which is kinda like we the rest of the western society are getting rekt now lol poo poo sounds about right
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 09:22 |
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quote:The Augustan History claims that he also married a man named Zoticus, an athlete from Smyrna, in a public ceremony at Rome.[51] Cassius Dio reported that Elagabalus would paint his eyes, epilate his body hair and wear wigs before prostituting himself in taverns, brothels,[52] and even in the imperial palace: this is some good poo poo op thanks.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 09:29 |
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a hole-y ghost posted:busty krusty?
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 09:38 |
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Every time I find the Ancient Romans cool I just remember that they were ultimately just Italians and go on with my day.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 09:54 |
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I often wonder how much history is accurate and how much of it is poo poo talking someone wrote down to ruin somebody else's reputation in the future. Some guy is going to write that I'm a fat gay nerd but they might write some false things too
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 09:57 |
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Terrific Accident posted:I often wonder how much history is accurate and how much of it is poo poo talking someone wrote down to ruin somebody else's reputation in the future. This is in fact a well-known problem in historiography. For example among the Roman emperors there were a number who have variously depraved reputations but the sources we have for those reputations are almost always dated to after that emperor's death, and frequently written by people who may have been trying to distance themselves from the old boss. Determining the accuracy of those sources is not exactly trivial. (Even the most exaggerated shitwriting, however, is useful in that it teaches us something about the society and culture the writer existed in; if a writer dwells at some length about how bad the old emperor was for doing X, we can conclude that doing X was considered a very bad and scandalous thing, and so forth.)
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 10:18 |
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Terrific Accident posted:I often wonder how much history is accurate and how much of it is poo poo talking someone wrote down to ruin somebody else's reputation in the future. Some guy is going to write that I'm a fat gay nerd but they might write some false things too I forget who it was but she was absolutely piliaried by historians. The best quote was something along the line of her "going out all dolled up and ready for incest."
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 10:55 |
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That Robot posted:This thread matches the category cos this is definitely in classical studies territory. they killed him for being Young, Wild, & Free
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 11:12 |
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Caligula was pretty funny, imoquote:Caligula considered Chaerea effeminate because of a weak voice and for not being firm with tax collection. Caligula would mock Chaerea with names like "Priapus" and "Venus". quote:Once, at some games at which he was presiding, he ordered his guards to throw an entire section of the audience into the arena during the intermission to be eaten by the wild beasts because there were no prisoners to be used and he was bored quote:They state he sent troops on illogical military exercises, turned the palace into a brothel, and, most famously, planned or promised to make his horse, Incitatus, a consul, and actually appointed him a priest.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 11:21 |
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Tinfoil Papercut posted:Caligula was pretty funny, imo The first one is even funnier because Chaerea was the guy who eventually murdered him
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 12:02 |
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skasion posted:The first one is even funnier because Chaerea was the guy who eventually murdered him "lol you even stab like a fruit! Hahahaha hahaha *blood gurgling*"
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 12:31 |
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'ey, lick a ball, us?
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 12:35 |
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Terrific Accident posted:I often wonder how much history is accurate and how much of it is poo poo talking someone wrote down to ruin somebody else's reputation in the future. Some guy is going to write that I'm a fat gay nerd but they might write some false things too Yeah, that's the tough part about ancient history.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 12:38 |
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Nero was supposedly a really good caesar but they villified him long after the end of his reign.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 12:45 |
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What if Caligula was really just a cool guy who liked his women and his pranks? Then some effeminate voiced senators come along and get all butthurt about his good looks and sexual conquests, kill him, and then write that he was some incest-loving bloodthirsty murder demon.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 12:51 |
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I think my favorite Caligula story from High School History Class was how he made it law that all his many statues had to be wearing the same outfits he was, and would run around town quick-changing, trying to trick the people in charge of the statues into breaking the law.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 13:08 |
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The nerdiest emperor was probably Julian. He was basically under house arrest for his entire youth because his uncle Constantius had murdered most of their other relatives and didn't trust him. So he had no friends except his tutors and studied really hard and became an edgy philosophy major and grew a really ugly neck beard. Then all of Constantius' remaining relatives died (because Constantius killed them basically) and he decided he needed Julian to take care of France while he did the ruling elsewhere. Eventually Constantius died and Julian set about trying to recreate the glory of Rome like he had read about it in the history books. This meant being a pagan civil leader who was first among the equals of the aristocracy and left administration to local government instead of a Christian absolutist warlord with a giant bureaucracy. Nobody liked it. He moved to Antioch to try and fix poo poo up there, but the locals thought he was an undignified douche with lovely facial hair, so he wrote a very sarcastic book called "The Beard Hater" about how everyone who didn't like him was just superficial and couldn't see that he was really a nice guy deep down. He then invaded Iraq, hosed it up and got killed, possibly without ever having had sex.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 13:58 |
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Neurosis posted:this is some good poo poo op thanks. lol yeah you're welcome it was like 3am so I knew I wouldn't handle the section about what gave nerd emperor elagabalus an ancient roman boner but you guys can do it better this guy did some funny hosed up poo poo with his imperial dong That Robot fucked around with this message at 14:11 on Aug 30, 2017 |
# ? Aug 30, 2017 14:07 |
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skasion posted:The nerdiest emperor was probably Julian. He was basically under house arrest for his entire youth because his uncle Constantius had murdered most of their other relatives and didn't trust him. So he had no friends except his tutors and studied really hard and became an edgy philosophy major and grew a really ugly neck beard. Then all of Constantius' remaining relatives died (because Constantius killed them basically) and he decided he needed Julian to take care of France while he did the ruling elsewhere. Eventually Constantius died and Julian set about trying to recreate the glory of Rome like he had read about it in the history books. This meant being a pagan civil leader who was first among the equals of the aristocracy and left administration to local government instead of a Christian absolutist warlord with a giant bureaucracy. Nobody liked it. "gently caress you dad! I'm worshipping the gods of our ancestors."
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 14:28 |
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The Empernerd.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 14:32 |
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Came for a thread about lowtax but this is good too.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 14:52 |
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skasion posted:The nerdiest emperor was probably Julian. He was basically under house arrest for his entire youth because his uncle Constantius had murdered most of their other relatives and didn't trust him. So he had no friends except his tutors and studied really hard and became an edgy philosophy major and grew a really ugly neck beard. Then all of Constantius' remaining relatives died (because Constantius killed them basically) and he decided he needed Julian to take care of France while he did the ruling elsewhere. Eventually Constantius died and Julian set about trying to recreate the glory of Rome like he had read about it in the history books. This meant being a pagan civil leader who was first among the equals of the aristocracy and left administration to local government instead of a Christian absolutist warlord with a giant bureaucracy. Nobody liked it. Notch fanfiction
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 15:39 |
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Biggus... Dickus??
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 16:17 |
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 16:23 |
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im glad ppl liked this thread i can make a bunch of threads about history and hosed up stuff in antiquity if folks would be interested
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 19:20 |
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That Robot posted:im glad ppl liked this thread ya
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 19:21 |
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That Robot posted:For instance, here is Elagabalus, who reigned for four years before killed by his own boyguards because lol: lol look at that little poo poo what took them so long?
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 20:25 |
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Call me the TURD emporer because I be reignin out that rear end
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 20:37 |
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Trump.mp4 posted:lol look at that little poo poo what took them so long? His grandmother, Julia Maesa, was a pretty tough motherfucker who came up with the idea of putting him on the throne to begin with, and put the guards up to killing him (and his mom) in favor of her other grandson Alexander Severus.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 20:43 |
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mods plz namechange to Flawlessly White
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 20:47 |
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I know Augustus was probably poisoned/killed by his loving wife because they were like a Roman House of Cards Kevin spacey style power couple Octavius / Caesar Augustus is Kevin spacey in my mind
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 23:48 |
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# ? May 21, 2024 15:47 |
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Comfy Fleece Sweater posted:I know Augustus was probably poisoned/killed by his loving wife because they were like a Roman House of Cards Kevin spacey style power couple This is probably a case of bullshit gossip getting passed down from antiquity as if it were real. It's possible that she did intrigue against some members of the family and she certainly was rumored to have poisoned people, but a lot of that could have been just malicious talk and it's extremely difficult for me to see what she would have gained by poisoning Augustus specifically: they had been married for 50 years (it was a love match also, not arranged), during which time they had consistently had a strong working relationship despite a consistent failure to produce an heir of his body, and Augustus was old and had never been in robust health to begin with. I do love Sian Phillips' Livia in I Claudius though, it's a great performance. If you want to see Livia that way you should check it out, great piece of TV.
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# ? Aug 30, 2017 23:58 |