His third chybut sack swelled - Let's Read The Furlites of Aroriel

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > His third chybut sack swelled - Let's Read The Furlites of Aroriel

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

chitoryu12 posted:

....is it bad that I find this better written than Handbook for Mortals?

No, not really. She really seems to be making an effort to worldbuild and establish a coherent, consistent universe.

(Assuming the aliens have 4 digits on each "hand", right?)

# ¿ Sep 22, 2017 04:24

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 10:05

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

chitoryu12 posted:

Like the dialogue is somehow more believable and the characters and their conflicts more realistic.

Which should really underscore how bad of a writer Lani Sarem is if this crazy poo poo is a better book.

Gonna say, when it comes to the dialogue, characters and conflicts, I cut a fair bit of slack, since, you know "Aliens are alien."

(The question about the fingers is about the prevalence of octo- in all the units of measure.)

# ¿ Sep 22, 2017 08:20

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Malachite_Dragon posted:

It was probably a deliberate attempt to preemptively cut off the inevitable "oh so the aliens from another planet just happen to call their measurements feet/meters/whatever too" ery that always follows attempts at sci-fi. Damned if she did and damned if she didn't.

I hope my faith isn't misplaced. She's not as terrible as the Handbook For Mortals lady so I want to believe

You know they do this ALL the time in well-regarded fantasy books, where the characters might be "3 days ride" or "a 5 day march" from a given location, and no one really complains we aren't being told it is 90 miles or more than 200 miles.

# ¿ Sep 22, 2017 15:07

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Ugly In The Morning posted:

That's why I was saying I don't have a problem with people going while hog with it in dialogue, but when you're trying to vividly describe something, sticking to a bunch of made up gibberish is like trying to run a marathon on crutches/play shartball with your octapants on

See, there's your problem. You need to wear shartpants to play octaball. Check the footnotes, buddy.

# ¿ Sep 22, 2017 15:08

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Zamboni_Rodeo posted:

This right here is why I hope I can stick it out for the rest of this Let's Read. Between all the made-up creatures, bizarre alternate units of measurement and ridiculous chracter names, I'm finding the my eyes just sort of glaze over the text excerpts.

This is not to say that I don't enjoy SF/F. I do, when it's well-written. This... this is not well-written. There's more to world-building than just giving idiotic names to mundane things. She's so in love with creating her own language that she's made everything needlessly complicated.

Don't say stuff like that, or Chi will start to wonder why he is risking his sanity for our entertainment if we aren't entertained. I want to go down this rabbit...erm...worm?hole as octo-far as I can octo-go.

# ¿ Sep 23, 2017 05:38

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Pata Pata Pata Pon posted:

Careful deliberation = 5 seconds of looking at twins, shrugging, and going, "Lol gently caress you guys, we're going into SPACE!"

Let me think - Retarded AF pubescent twins or SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE?

TEAM CHYBUT IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!

Try not to burn the house down, kids.

# ¿ Sep 25, 2017 20:45

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Sham bam bamina! posted:

And why is it there?

Right next to the lav? Sure makes bathing post lav-use SO MUCH EASIER!

# ¿ Sep 27, 2017 10:11

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

The_White_Crane posted:

Of course it is.
And I bet they don't have taxes either, but still somehow managed to put together an interstellar space program.

Because their enlightened self-interest dictated everyone would chip in resources and capital. You know, once they figured out who the ONE person that was going to be the idea guy running the Wiki was.

# ¿ Sep 27, 2017 10:37

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

A human heart posted:

This book is self evidently bad, but it's better than the thread making fun of it.

Yeah, no. From what I have seen, no real editor would have passed it on in it's current condition, so it has to be basically a vanity press production. As soon as you go that route, you deserve what's coming your way.

# ¿ Sep 27, 2017 14:36

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Sham bam bamina! posted:

A human heart posted earlier about wanting to see the "drunken James Joyce" mentioned in the OP, so I'm pretty sure the complaint isn't that the thread is making fun of a book but that it's doing a poor job. That may be a fair point - I'll admit that I've followed better mock threads - but it's not one that I can entirely agree with, if only because of the post right above yours.

And yes, this book is vanity-published, as are the others in Marie J. S. Phillips's oeuvre.

A fair enough point. I will give you that uncontested.

And my snark about vanity publishing and deserved misfortune is largely that, once you shopped your magnum opus around and no one wants it, getting vanity published is the author saying "Hey, I know better than THESE people!". That puts you on the schadenfreude priority list.

# ¿ Sep 27, 2017 20:37

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Also, if a freezeball is related to Shartball, not thinking I would want to lick it.

# ¿ Sep 27, 2017 20:41

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Sham bam bamina! posted:

It's even dumber than that, because every single unit has the same prefix. Octlo. Octa. Octafet. Octien. So it's completely meaningless as a prefix! It's like if the metric system's units of distance were decameter, decapeter, decabeater...

On the topic of "translating alien words into equivalent English tems that aren't actually real words anyways" (give me a second to catch my breath), I really love "chafkhead". Either "chafk" doesn't actually mean "poo poo" and instead stands for some concept beyond the limits of English, or the Furlites' word for head is literally just "head".

The whole Oct- thing is why I asked if they had 4 fingers way way back near the start of the thread.

Still trying to work out the three testes though,

# ¿ Sep 28, 2017 04:00

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

TheSmilingJackal posted:

Well you see, unlike the other two, the third testicle produces sperm during sex.

Hope that answers your question without raising any others!

Yeah, no. So two of them are stealthed decoy testes?

Bilateral symmetry would argue against that!

# ¿ Sep 28, 2017 06:26

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Sham bam bamina! posted:

It actually wouldn't at all, but I should clarify that only Kutius has only one functional chybut, for reasons that might be spoilers if I mention them (although they're basically covered in what I quoted for PYF).

Well, pretty much all the existing cases we have to work on with existing creatures shows bilateral symmetry in their junk too, barring injury or deformity.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2017 08:35

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Sham bam bamina! posted:

1. As long as the third chybut is centered between the other two, they're bilaterally symmetrical. A functioning chybut between two dummies would be even more so.

2. They're aliens.

3. This is the least entertaining thing possible to mock the book for or care about at all, you dork.

Dunno. Was just reminding myself of all the thought I used to put into world building back before my nigh-permanent case of writer's block. And, yeah, aliens are alien, except in this book.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2017 10:08

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

TheSmilingJackal posted:

Sooooo, not lizards then.

Honestly what was the point of making them dinosaurs if you didn't want any reptilian features?

Because, you know, dinosaurs are cool! All kids love dinosaurs!

EDIT: I walked into this particular Let's Read blind. Does someone have linkage to the post about this infamous sex scene?

Samizdata fucked around with this message at 21:21 on Sep 28, 2017

# ¿ Sep 28, 2017 21:18

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

chitoryu12 posted:

Toward the end of this page.

This is what we're working towards.

Wow. Just...

Wow.

# ¿ Sep 28, 2017 21:32

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Well, I guess we should be be happy they are not-cats, since cat dongs are barbed...

# ¿ Sep 29, 2017 03:29

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

chitoryu12 posted:

The World of the Furlites

Now we get into the part everyone is interested in: biology!
��

Once more, Marie's limited imagination shows in the Furlitian food. It's mostly just renamed "simple" foods, and they even have their own versions of coffee, chocolate, and ice cream. It feels like only a few particular aspects of this book (like clawing each other to death in schoolyard fights and having three testicles) couldn't be done with humans in the far future.

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for.

Single bonds are the "Nice Guys" of Furlitian society.

Also notice how there's absolutely no mention of homosexuality in Furlitian society, but you have males loving twin sisters and growing gigantic balls to deal with it.

And we are right back to spined cat dicks. Oh, wait, these are NOT-cats. So she can do what ever she wants. Despite the fact lizards, furred or not, are oviparous.

<starts vigorously massaging temples to forestall a headache>

# ¿ Sep 29, 2017 17:58

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Tagra posted:

I think the problem is the entire thing is so incredibly dry. Even those sex scenes felt like they were being recited in monotone.

It's so goddamn boring we're having trouble even making fun of it.

i am really not sure why you would say that.frankly i think if anything got more exciting,i would end up with an aneurysm.i wait with such eager anticipation for the results of the shartball tournament as well as the safe launch of the new ship into the cosmos.with such pulse-pounding plot points,i really don't understand how you can be bored.i am octopumped for more.

# ¿ Sep 30, 2017 05:40

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

chitoryu12 posted:

Somehow this makes it worse.

Also, I apologize if I don't have rapid updates or a whole lot of cheer recently. My fiancee kinda left me yesterday and I can't tell when or if this depression is ever going away.

Man, no apologies necessary! You do what you need to do to get by. Hang tough, Chi! Be as well as you can!

# ¿ Oct 4, 2017 21:03

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Proteus Jones posted:

God yes. This movie is so funny.

Dear God, yes!

# ¿ Oct 11, 2017 20:26

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Obviously, these....things....are a tragic blend of her lifelong lack of sex and it's sublimation into her cats.

Also, Chi, 10 years, 7 married.

# ¿ Oct 21, 2017 03:57

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 10:05

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Pesky Splinter posted:

You know for a story about tall, furred, alien cat monsters with hosed up breeding behaviours setting off on a space romp, it really manages to be banal and mundane.

Isn't this like the fourth almost identical breakfast scene? Or at least a scene where they discuss inane poo poo over a meal? There's no impetus for this plot.
I don't expect much from an weird crazy cat lady writing fantasies about "what if my cats had a secret third testicle", but more than this.

Well, there's not been much excitement in her life, after her husband's tragic castration via vacuum cleaner (since you know there wasn't much excitement in THEIR life). And since he bled to death, there's been even less. So, she is just doing what that writer she met at the cat owner's convention told her and is writing what she knows...

# ¿ Nov 3, 2017 06:18

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > His third chybut sack swelled - Let's Read The Furlites of Aroriel