|
Are you tired of your juice coming in a bottle that you have to open? Do you have an endless thirst for fresh tortillas at all hours of the day and night? DO YOU JUST HAVE TOO MUCH drat SPACE ON YOUR COUNTERS? Fret not, good backer, because we have the means to fill every desire you didn't know you had! Your grandmother had one soup pot and a cast iron skillet to cook with her entire life, but that poo poo's old. Bring in the new poo poo! JUISIR: Fresh juice for the rest of us Lots of people were disappointed that the $400 Juicero machine meant to give you fresh juice at the touch of a button (after buying, receiving, and loading a bag of specially formulated juicer-fuel, that is) folded after getting shitloads of negative press for being "a machine that squeezes a bag with the same force that a dork squeezes his anime body pillow," but God drat if the guys at JUISIR don't have you covered! Launched in January of 2017, JUISIR is literally just a bag-squeezing machine, designed to take the work out of "home-juicing" which I assume is some kind of advanced sex manuever. With a suggested retail price of  $800 USD this hunk of plastic and brushed aluminum is sure to break down after your fourth or fifth cup of disappointing fruit pulp! They do have one advantage over ol' Juicero though - you can at least pack your own lovely fruit into the squeeze bag!https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1793272089/juisir-juicing-without-the-cleaning https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBj-SMpMzZ4 FLATEV: A Keurig for tortillas?! Here's a problem you didn't even know you had: YOUR TORTILLAS ARE loving WEAK, DAWG! Yeah that's right, you thought you could get away with those twelve-for-a-dollar tortillas from the store? Not anymore, baby! Now you just need to fire up your FLATEV, and have fresh (tiny) tortillas at the touch of a button! Simply pop in a pod, dial in all your settings, and wait while your single tortilla is unceremoniously farted out into the special warmed storage drawer! Single serving tortillas are perfect for taco nights or being a racist at a halloween party, because it only takes several minutes per serving and who doesn't love waiting around to make a single taco?! Because FLATEV has aped Keurig's business model, make sure you stock up on loving TORTILLA PODS (I wish I was joking) in various flavors and varieties - cinnamon tortillas for breakfast every day! Your kids will love it, and definitely not use the huge bulky machine to brain you once it gets clogged with tortilla dough! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1104354043/the-artisan-tortilla-maker https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stTzLmoStsU Cave Kettle: It's like a pot, but way more complicated! Your wonderful, loving grandmother used to make soup stock in a big pot on the stove, humming sweetly while the broth bubbled away all day. Your mom used to go pick up those boxes of premade stock at the store. Both of them were IDIOT PIGFUCKER MORONS. Now, utilizing the fantastic future technology of a self-heating kettle and some kind of propeller, I guess, you can have "bone broth" (which I assume is some kind of advanced sex maneuver) ready at the touch of a button - assuming you come back and touch the button again after the hour this thing takes to kick up some tepid cow tea. That's right, never use your stockpot again you idiots, this is the loving future. Simply add all the normal poo poo you'd put into stock into this small countertop thingamajig, press the go button, and then I guess go do some other stupid poo poo while this thing cooks! For $100 you get a mostly useless blend of a crock-pot and a blender that will churn out a small amount of broth for you to drink out of a mason jar or whatever the gently caress weirdo crossfit millenials do with soup. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/cavekettle/cave-kettle-worlds-first-bone-broth-maker?ref=category_popular https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mL6WkpwQ1c Beet Wagon fucked around with this message at 14:00 on Sep 28, 2017 |
#
¿
Sep 28, 2017 13:56
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 15, 2024 00:13 |
|
|
Hey everyone, check me out, I'm living like a CAVEMAN by using a machine that makes me "bone broth" whenever I want! Sidenote, god drat something about the phrase "bone broth" really bothers me after watching that video. Just call it stock, you loving nerd.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 28, 2017 15:54
|
|
|
waiting patiently on my BONE BROTH gangtag, while I also wait for a $200 machine to heat up some water and soup bones.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 29, 2017 02:12
|
|
|
BraveUlysses posted:that juice machine would own if it played a sound clip of robert plant singing about juice running down his leg lmao The hosed up thing about this one is this is something I'd actually buy and it seems really easy to produce. I mean poo poo, J. Kenji Lopez-Alt apparently gave it his seal of approval. These guys should be in every Bed Bath & Beyond in America.
|
|
#
¿
Sep 29, 2017 17:27
|
|
|
Golli posted:The only valid uses for the Cave Kettle are: c) legitimately making this dude happy as gently caress: 
|
|
#
¿
Sep 30, 2017 16:46
|
|
|
I give you... ALCHEMA https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/alchema/alchema-turn-fruit-into-personalized-craft-cider Somewhere between "throwing your rotten fruit away" and "getting blasted on rubbing alcohol," there exists a magical fantasy land in which you can utilize those expensive-rear end pomegranates your kids won't eat to get ripped in the middle of the day! ALCHEMA is your own personal small-batch cider maker! Simply add fruit, sugar, and water of your own choosing, pop in one of the handy yeast packets, and then let that poo poo hang out on your counter for a week (or 16) and entertain your friends with your own terrible Cidre!  ALCHEMA is actually kind of a cool idea until you realize they're shooting for a mostly unattainable millenial ideal - one in which you have infinite free time and money to spend on fresh fruits for your hyper-advanced five gallon bucket, and not the far more realistic scenario in which you drunkenly stuff a bunch of old moldy bananas in the thing and frantically push the button before stumbling into your bathroom to polish off the mouthwash and pass out in the shower.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 2, 2017 13:17
|
|
|
Pretty sure the bucket-wine my room-mate and I used to make cost all of ten bucks in equipment, but that's probably why I'm not raking in shitloads of kickstarterbux.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 2, 2017 18:16
|
|
|
Latin Pheonix posted:Finally! An easy way to get botulism poisoning from the comfort of my own home! And you thought you were just gonna have to leave all those dented cans of mushrooms in your garage for six months, haha you IDIOT, you can get botulism for way less work (and $299)!
|
|
#
¿
Oct 3, 2017 02:44
|
|
|
big nipples big life posted:tortilla pods Plain White Corn Blue Corn Wheat Chili White Corn Cinnamon White Corn Wheat Chocolate Rice Vanilla Rice Honestly all they need is a "bacon and IPA" tortilla for this to be the holy grail of stupid hipster bullshit.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 5, 2017 13:57
|
|
|
Foo Diddley posted:
What the tits? Why would this even be a thing?  No, Officer, actually I'm just a coffee enthusiast... So, as best I can gather, this is like a lovely single-serving french press without the press part. You use a reusable metal filter to make sure you're not just drinking straight up coffee grounds through your weird meth straw. They somehow managed to come up with a less efficient method than a french press 
|
|
#
¿
Oct 6, 2017 15:50
|
|
|
That dude definitely spent six months living in a cave somewhere just to "get in tune with his aura" or something.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 6, 2017 15:57
|
|
|
I tried to photoshop the bripe into a shadier looking situation but honestly the shirtless longhair man looks like more of a crackhead than any of the pictures I found on google 
|
|
#
¿
Oct 10, 2017 13:39
|
|
|
It also depends on whether or not there's any kind of coating on the copper. I mean, since this thing looks like it's made in the closet next to a meth lab I assume there isn't, but I know it's generally frowned upon to smoke things out of copper pipes, so I assume that applies to drinking coffee you cook with a blowtorch out of them also. also lmao at googling "don't smoke a copper pipe" and one of the search suggestions is "Can you smoke crack out of a copper pipe" like dude I think you have bigger issues.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 11, 2017 17:46
|
|
|
Coffee has got to be way the gently caress up there on the list of "things people take way too seriously and buy lovely gadgets for" lol. I need to go digging.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 13, 2017 01:08
|
|
|
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present to you the ultimate innovation in food science. They said it was impossible. They called him a madman. They said he was spitting in the face of a benevolent God. But Mark Murray wasn't going to let any of that stop him from creating THE HAMDOG. Apparently this poo poo is old news in the rest of the world, but it's the first I've ever heard of it and it's loving incredible, and it's coming to a truckstop near you, soon. I'd go so far as to say it's a goddamn gamechanger. Check this poo poo out: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/hamdog/worlds-first-hamdog-restaurant-new-york-city-usa?ref=category_popular quote:It all started late one November night in 2004. Creator Mark Murray had just walked out of a downtown Nashville bar, to grab a bite to eat. On the sidewalk was a hotdog van, and across the road, a hamburger cart. Mark was faced with the dilemma of choosing either a hamburger, or a hotdog. Hungry and unsure, he grabbed one of each. As he was then being driven home, he started eating both his burger and hotdog at once, taking one bite at a time out of each. He then turned to the driver saying "These taste good together, be easier to eat it if they just joined em together!" What came next.... This poo poo is blowing my mind right now.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 17, 2017 16:12
|
|
|
I'm not really understanding the burger/dog configuration here. Is that just two halves of a burger that will fall out all floppylike when you pick this thing up, or have they created some kind of burgertrench for the hotdog to live it? AUSgoons help me out here. I have to know. Can I get a HAMDOG fully loaded? What about the fries, are they piled high?
|
|
#
¿
Oct 17, 2017 16:20
|
|
|
Palpek posted:These guys are way behind the curve: I genuinely don't know what to make of that, except that the little part of me that sometimes whispers "Jump" when I'm standing on the edge of something tall really really wants to eat one. I don't... are those pickle slivers? It looks like pickle slivers, onion straws, and weird hotdog pepperoni chips. Do they come in different flavors? Could I get a "Philly Cheesesteak" Pizzaburger?
|
|
#
¿
Oct 17, 2017 16:40
|
|
|
 quote:Richly cooked with salami, boiled ham, mushrooms and a mix of Edam and Cheddar cheese Dear God...
|
|
#
¿
Oct 17, 2017 16:41
|
|
|
kw0134 posted:So our friend filed for and received a design patent on just the bun. Which means that he is preventing people from making buns with decorative handles. That's the sum total of the "innovation" he is claiming. Yeah apparently they have leased out the design and collected a royalty or whatever from a bunch of restaurants around the world (don't know how truthful that is) but because it's patented in America they want to open their own place to reap 100% of the profits. All this because he drunkenly bought a hotdog and a hamburger one night, I guess. Palpek posted:While they don't have a Philly Cheesesteak Pizzaburger, they have this: All I know is that I need to find and eat one of these now.
|
|
#
¿
Oct 17, 2017 16:50
|
|
|
Jst0rm posted:that bone broth thing is just an automatic soup maker... Uhh I think you'll find that an automatic soup maker makes soups, and not MILLENIAL-POWERING BONE BROTH
|
|
#
¿
Oct 24, 2017 19:16
|
|
|
Friends, I bring tidings both good and ill. Unfortunately, the HAMDOG failed to meet it's kickstarter goal, and funding has been cancelled. However, ALCHEMA received over triple the amount it asked for and you can now begin taking preorders for a countertop fermentation bucket to make fruitbooze with! I'll keep you posted for when someone inevitably gets botulism and they have to shut the whole thing down
|
|
#
¿
Dec 7, 2017 17:57
|
|
|
Wamdoodle posted:Juicero 2.0 lmao apparently they sell that poo poo for like $60 a gallon. http://www.businessinsider.de/silicon-valley-raw-water-obsession-2018-1?r=US&IR=T quote:In San Francisco, "unfiltered, untreated, unsterilized spring water" from a company called Live Water is selling for up to $61 for a decorative 2.5-gallon jug — and it's flying off the shelves, The New York Times reported. Clearly I got into the wrong line of work. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46iPFTCZ9LA
|
|
#
¿
Jan 6, 2018 04:17
|
|
|
"Actually, Giardia Is Basically The Same Thing As Juice Cleanse, New Report Says"
|
|
#
¿
Jan 12, 2018 03:19
|
|
|
Have you ever wondered how important the OXYGEN is? So, we've all been there. You're getting ready to go on a hike, bike ride, or some other sort of eco-friendly physical activity, but gosh darn it, all these drat oxygen tanks keep getting in the way! You can't not take supplemental oxygen, but you also need room for your water bottles, sports bars, and vintage Kodak camera! Well, never fear, my intrepid millenial friends, AQUOGEN is here to help!AQUOGEN is a two-part water-bottle-and-supplemental-oxygen device that will not only allow you to hydrate, but will blast UP TO 25 BREATHS (PER REFILL CANISTER) OF ENRICHED OXYGEN at your face, so you can pretend it's helping you breathe better while it immediately dissipates into the dirty air between your nose and the bottle. https://ksr-video.imgix.net/projects/1942730/video-817246-h264_high.mp4 https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/892169180/aquogen-water-and-breathable-oxygen-on-the-go Seriously, apparently these guys think that this is a real thing people need or want. quote:Rapid deforestation and pollution over generations of industrialization over a period of time have reduced oxygen levels in our atmosphere. High altitude regions and adverse situations like avalanches or natural calamities are not the only place with deficiency of oxygen. Further, if you're an adventure lover who enjoys mountaineering, yoga, or high altitude pilgrimage places, or if yoiu're a sports enthusiast who likes hiking, trekking, or cycling, you're at a constant lookout for clean oxygen in the air. On other instances, fatigue, depression, and people with respiratory issues also need enriched and fresh oxygen. you're at a constant lookout for clean oxygen in the air. Yeah that's definitely true, I'm constantly sorting through all this air trying to suss out the clean oxygen from the rest of it. Also, in case you were wondering, no, of course there's no accompanying mask to ensure you get the oxygen, YOU IDIOT. JUST POINT THAT poo poo AT YOUR FACE AND LET FLY!
|
|
#
¿
Jan 14, 2018 17:24
|
|
|
Differo Cathedra posted:Also, apparently Hamdog is getting into bitcoins because of course it is. So... after failing to generate enough kickstarter cash to open their own restaurant, they're now moving to offering knockoff bitcoins as stock... Jesus Christ, Hamdog - at least nobody can you guys left anything on the table.
|
|
#
¿
Jan 16, 2018 15:56
|
|
|
He's the classic "What if your phone could like... make you sandwiches, dude?" guy, except someone taught him how to use Squarespace lol
|
|
#
¿
Jan 23, 2018 02:31
|
|
|
"What if like... what if truck drivers had a small personal air conditioner that ran off a separate battery? Like... not the kind you can already buy though, what if it was way more complicated and didn't work that good?"
|
|
#
¿
Jan 23, 2018 02:34
|
|
|
luv 2 chow down on a 1.5 inch thick bologna patty. Although actually a big thick slice of SPAM fried up makes a good sandwich filler. Ayn Marx posted:This is easy to get in Germany. I've tried it. It tastes of shame of failing your parents pretty much I still want one.
|
|
#
¿
Jan 29, 2018 21:15
|
|
|
 someone get Doobie on the phone right now lmao
|
|
#
¿
Jan 30, 2018 04:40
|
|
|
We'll have to make some adjustments to the cooking system to accommodate 4 dogs at once, but I think this is doable.
|
|
#
¿
Jan 30, 2018 15:51
|
|
|
Hav posted:Central Florida living means never having to buy socks unless you visit 'America'. Says you, I've been freezing all day. It's in the sixties for God's sake!
|
|
#
¿
Feb 1, 2018 00:18
|
|
|
I can't believe I just remembered that 7-11 had hotdog shaped cheeseburgers like a loving decade ago.  Hamdog, you never got the chance to fly
|
|
#
¿
Mar 5, 2018 00:03
|
|
|
Trying to decide if I'd rather have a light bulb that just commits suicide at random or one that burns my house down, and honestly it's a tough call lol.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 5, 2018 01:35
|
|
|
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Beet Wagon, how come you only ever highlight stupid kickstarter projects with dubious health benefits? Where is the project for me, the overly affluent turd who wants to show off how wealthy I am at every opportunity?" Well first of all gently caress you, I bet you're not even that rich. And second of all, I found a project for you, please buy me stuff with all your rich doctor/lawyer/bitcoin money! Behold, 24 CARAT GOLD WATER:  https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1925277356/24k-eau-dor-24-carat-gold-mineral-water-0 Now, I'd link you to the pitch video, but our good friend from Copenhagen didn't see fit to make one, and you can probably guess why: the pitch here is pretty thin. Like, paper thin. Or something even thinner than that, I don't know. It boils down to "We want to put gold in water for you to drink" and that's about it. It's worth noting that this is the second time our friend has tried to bring this project to life. I want to poop gold please posted:The standard mineral waters on the market are often overpriced and boring. This is why many people choose a soda instead. We want to change that! We've created a beautiful 24 carat gold mineral water. The bottle is made of glass, so it is sustainable. The mineral water is magnesium rich and of Scandinavian quality. And the gold is from North America's nature. 24K EAU D'OR is just as amazing as it sounds! How is that luxurious, you ask? Well gently caress you, you probably only own one private jet! Just look at this handy chart!    I think my favorite part of this is not that he reused the icons for both the water bottle and the pile of gold bricks, but that the flavor text under "Mineral Water" explains that yes, you will in fact be getting mineral water in your bottle of mineral water.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 14, 2018 16:43
|
|
|
zcrow posted:Weird. I could've sworn gold mining involves tearing up huge parts of the landscape irreparably, and a bunch of highly lethal chemical processes. Well yeah but you're drinking mineral water which is obviously good for you. Who gives two farts about the rainforest, dude, you gave motherfucking GOLD FLAKES IN YOUR WATER!
|
|
#
¿
Mar 14, 2018 17:14
|
|
|
I'd just like to point out that this person doesn't appear to have even a baseline understanding of how to cut stuff with a chef's knife. This is, actually, very much the wrong way to hold a knife.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 24, 2018 20:47
|
|
|
Palpek posted:drat, there are so many knives on kickstarter. And some dumb useless avocado cutter got funded: what the gently caress lol I was thinking that was going to be some kind of like combo tool for cutting it and scooping it or something but nope, it's just a way worse version of cutting open your avocados the normal way. quote:'Avocado hand' could be thing of past with our nifty tool. Literally the first thing that happens in the video is the cutter gets stuck halfway down the avocado and the guy squeezes avocado out all over his hand lmao
|
|
#
¿
Mar 24, 2018 21:25
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=texyKNGt4iU That seems too hard, better invent a weird hosed up linoleum knife with no real handle so I can shred my hands instead.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 24, 2018 21:27
|
|
|
The other thing I think is you're not supposed to just leave them wet. Putting them in the dishwasher isn't as bad (as long as they don't have wood handles) as just letting them soak in a sink full of water. also - and I feel like we're not paying enough attention to this - in what possible situation would it be easier and better to have a slice of ketchup than just... ketchup? Palpek posted:What if I told you that they're kickstarting ketchup in slices. luv 2 wrap ketchup slices around my fries instead of dipping
|
|
#
¿
Mar 26, 2018 15:52
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ May 15, 2024 00:13 |
|
|
Gonna go on record here with “nothing should ever be called the ‘baby bullet’ ever.”
|
|
#
¿
May 5, 2018 01:37
|
|