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the guy who can convince the planet to read it, as i don't know how to market, nor do i have the time: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1533688958 the attention drawing pen name may have turned out to be a flaw in getting it launched, and this would be really major one if there is but there is possibly a flaw early on, maybe not, but nothing that can't be fixed and other than that you just have to read it to know why it's so important. look forward to your critiques!
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Nov 23, 2017 06:07
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What is your book about?
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Nov 23, 2017 13:53
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you just have to read it (when you see lots of consecutive spaces, it means it's gone to the next next page. sorry the spacing isn't as good throughout due to the copy and paste too). It's titled "Hi hi  ", written by The Anti-Christ:Hello. I am the Anti-Christ. I’m a ridiculously good-looking Azn that incarnated in 1988 AD (or CE), I’m the worst driver ever, and, someday, I’m going to write a book. Who knows what it will be about. All I know is that it has to be cool. And original. Which is great and all but, these days, writers all over are discovering that, with all these books about chocolate factories, dragons and elves, witches and wizards, BDSM…writing a cool original book is becoming literally impossible to do on this planet! Everything’s been done. In the blink of an eye, we’ve also advanced from tens of thousands of years of being hunters and gatherers out in the wild to a civilization that spends its working life in a room staring at screens all day. We’re bombarded by endless amounts of information and constant stimuli. You have to blab nonstop for people to like you. How in HELL are you supposed to sit down all still and quietly string together some stupid story that the billions of people that have walked this earth and counting haven’t already thought of yet? Worst of all, it’s not even really my fault that I want to write a book so badly. Writing was only my second childhood passion. I remember writing to my teacher in my 1st grade journals about how I was going to be a wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys. I had great hands. Great Pogs, too. Too bad I weighed less than a hundred pounds for like all of high school. And gently caress the Cowboys. It sucks ‘cause, when you’re an athlete, you’ve been given a muscular body and a huge black cock to gently caress all kinds of hos around that can actually see you being a winner and dunking or catching a ball on cameras for all to witness since the age of 14, and then an entourage forms around you and before you know it you’re also super rich. Being a writer means you’ll be poor and alone a lot. Like how many aspiring writers get a frontloaded contract worth millions of dollars to write a book? It’d be crazy. Actually, becoming any kind of artist is quickly becoming a crazier and stupider idea. All the money in Hollywood goes to films like The Fast and the Furious 12, or maybe what we've been missing is a prequel to The Fast and the Furious. Music doesn’t get any crazier than this techno dance awesomeness and stupid poo poo like Dubstep, and no one has to pay for it anymore. All of the "latest" fashion trends come from some generation before us. We can’t even resort to harming ourselves for money like all those heroes on Jackass have already done, it’s hosed. I’m losing my poo poo. I can’t write a book like this. Wait, what year is it right now? Oh yeah. It’s the year 2016. Not. Recorded history dates back to 4,000 BCE or some poo poo…who the hell decided that it’s the year 2016? I’ll tell you who. Dionysius Exiguus did, back in the 6th century. Who the hell is that? Dionysius Exiguus translates to Dennis the Dwarf. Or Dennis the Short/the Little/the Small. Surprisingly, he was not a midget. So this dude comes up with the calendar we use today placing 1 CE as the birth of the modern era, owing to the birth of none other than this other dude named Jesus Christ. More on that later. Being a monk, his whole life revolved around that guy. But what’s funny is that one reason the non-midget wanted to come up with the new calendar in the first place was because the old one was leading people to believe the world was about to end. According to the calendar they were already using, it was believed that the world was 5500 years old when Jesus was born. It was also believed that he would return 500 years after his birth and bring about the end of the world, and so in the year 6000(~500 CE) people were freaking out. Soon enough, several years after had passed by and, guess wat, the world didn’t end. Pretty loving disappointing. But as it turns out, Dennis was secretly disappointed all along too so he goes off the deep end and goes searching for a much later date for the end of the world on the new calendar. He even goes as far as to correctly calculate during the time of no calculators that May 2000 CE was the date that the Great Year would occur, which was a year when all the planets known at the time lined up in the sky a certain way in relation to this planet, a cosmic event that he thought was supposed to mark the end of the world. This literally wouldn’t happen for another ~1500 years after his time, and not much was known about him, but he sure was obsessed with our annihilation though. What a guy. Today we can only hope that all these annoying loving kids born in the 90’s and onward aren’t going about their days not knowing that, before it became trendy to use BCE (Before Common Era) and CE (Common Era), our calendar featured BC (Before Christ) and AD (Anno Domino). People used to run around thinking AD stood for After Death (or worse, After Dinosaurs) and, if anything, there’s even more of them out there these days, don’t listen to them. Anno Domino is Latin for “in the year of our Lord”. As in the birth, not death, of our “Lord” Jesus Christ. And there is no year zero in all this craziness, there is simply 1 BC/BCE, and 1 AD/CE. Just go with it. The point of this whole switch was to stop pissing off atheists but, at the same time, it’s really nothing more than just a stupid name change. So not only does it add more poo poo to this confusing pile of poo poo of a dating system, which has also taken over the world, it basically discourages critical thinking of our history the last ~2,000 goddamn years. ‘Cause who the hell was this Jesus Christ dude? The story of Christ comes from a book called the Bible. The Bible is history’s most influential story and the best-selling book of all time, but Harry Potter is still better. It is a compilation of a bunch of random people’s books, split into a two part series: the Old Testament, and the New Testament. It’s worth noting that it is also the most powerful piece of anti-gay rear end in a top hat propaganda ever, yet paradoxically causes tons of priests to keep getting caught molesting little boys. The Old Testament came out in ~3500 AD, and was all the Middle-Eastern people at the time had for their history for the longest long time. Middle-Eastern people (read: Jews) were especially important back then, as their ideas would eventually take over the world, which sucks, because all the stuff told in the Old Testament is crap. It convinced everyone of insane poo poo like the world being created in seven days, that all men and women came from a sand friend of the family couple named Adam and Eve, and how animals only exist today because this one dude named Noah managed to fit two of every single species on to one boat before God made a gigantic flood wipe out everyone for partying too hard. And not only is it stupid, it’s BORING. Here’s an excerpt from the Old Testament (and it’s probably not even factual): “4A man from each tribe shall be with you, each man the head of his ancestral house. 5These are the names of the men who shall assist you: From Reuben, Elizur son of Shedeur. 6 From Simeon, Shelumiel son of Zurishaddai. 7 From Judah, Nahshon son of Amminadab. 8 From Issachar, Nethanel son of Zuar. 9 From Zebulun, Eliab son of Helon. 10 From the sons of Joseph: from Ephraim, Elishama son of Ammihud; from Manasseh, Gamaliel son of Pedahzur. 11 From Benjamin, Abidan son of Gideoni. 12 From Dan, Ahiezer son of Ammishaddai. 13 From Asher, Pagiel son of Ochran. 14 From Gad, Eliasaph son of Deuel. 15 From Naphtali, Ahira son of Enan. 16These were the ones chosen from the congregation, the leaders of their ancestral tribes, the heads of the divisions of Israel.” Cool story. The New Testament is a tad easier to follow, it’s where the story of Christ is told, but overall it’s retarded too, and responsible for all those loving Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses that show up at my door. Those religions, like many others, are offshoots of a cult called Christianity, each believing Jesus was the savior of the universe. Though Christians wish it were true, nowhere in the Old Testament does it foretell the coming of Christ. The coming of Christ is what happened on December 25th of 1 AD (and the reason we celebrate Christmas), when a Jew named Jesus Christ was born to the Virgin Mary. Which makes total perfect sense. Not really, but this was a big deal because she was a pregnant virgin and not whoring around…she was impregnated by the “Holy Spirit”! Imagine that. So this guy Jesus is believed to be the Son of God, actually, he is God, and he grows up to become a carpenter. Soon he gets bored of that and does what any other bored guy should do: start a cult. His cult is centered around him being God, his moral superiority to everyone else, and travelling from town to town telling folks how to love and act - which is O.K. because he keeps pulling all kinds of stunts. He’s healing people left and right, turning water into booze, getting hos to wash his feet, all kinds of stuff. Before you know it, his narcissism and showoffiness has pissed off a lot of people (read: Jews), and they want him dead. Of course, being God, he already knows this, this was his plan all along. So he rounds up his followers for one last meal, takes them to dramatic mountaintop scenery to pray afterward, where he is then met and arrested by a mob of angry Jews. He gets tortured and bitch slapped around for a while, and then gets hung up on a cross to die. He’s cool with this though as, to him, everyone is a sinner, and dying for us meant a one time deal where everyone that exists and will exist is forgiven of their sins. Right when he dies, crazy poo poo happens (such as an earthquake), and the token guard standing nearby is like “Oh gently caress…that dude really was God!” But it’s all good, as a few days later his buddies come by his tomb for whatever reason, and discover that his body is missing. Just when they thought it was over, he pulls an Obi Wan Kenobi and reappears to them as an angel ghost, recommends that they tell everyone his tale, and then blasts off to heaven. Everyone who doesn’t believe all this is going straight to Hell. The end. (Or is it?) Overall, and as an aspiring writer, I’d give this story an F. It wouldn’t even be until decades after for it to come out, maybe even centuries, as it took a while for writers back then to come up with this kind of bullshit. Christians will argue against this and flip out, but think about it: Not a single person thought to document just one of his events while they were actually happening. At least half or possibly even all of the stories surrounding his death were hearsay accounts. There is no historical evidence that Jesus existed outside of the Bible. The Bible has been retranslated and edited many times throughout history. My penis is big for an Asian. Whether Jesus really existed or not, one thing’s for sure: His myth has changed the entire scope of human history. Our country wouldn’t even exist today had the Pilgrims not escaped religious persecution from some Christian church in Europe so that they could practice their own stupid form of Christianity [There were settlers before them, but they didn’t establish any colonies that lead to the social policies crucial to the foundation of this country. Also, people often say this nation wasn’t founded as a Christian nation because the “Founding” Fathers weren’t big fans of Christ, but they came way after the colonies were already established, so yeah]. A couple of centuries before, Christ’s takeover of the New World was also seen with Spain’s conquest of Latin America, and remained that way even after they got kicked out. It’s basically why every freaking Mexican you meet is Roman Catholic (the first form of Christianity). But let’s talk about where all this crusading began: Rome. The Roman Empire at its peak pretty much ruled the world. Though it was ripe with civil unrest and famous for its political strife, there was one thing they were good at: war. They had one of the most efficient, effective and brutal armies the world has ever seen, in fact, much of their economy was based on looting existing resources of conquered territories. With achievements such as sanitation, medicine, education, entertainment, and aqueducts, they were extraordinarily advanced. Another defining characteristic was their religious tolerance, as they integrated the religions of the assimilated cultures and allowed them to practice whatever they wanted so long as they also worshiped the Roman gods (which included the emperor). But one religion came along that pissed them off and wouldn’t go along with the program, which was Christianity. Christians are monotheistic, meaning they believe there is only one God, and they like to go around trolling others by saying all other religions are false. Even worse, one of the emperors tried eradicating Christians, bringing more sympathy to their cause. Once the territorial expansion of the Roman Empire came to an end hence ruining their economy based on plundering, and they also had stretched themselves too thin, amongst all kinds of other problems, they rapidly began to decline. They had also split into the Western Roman Empire and the Eastern Roman Empire, and then in the 4th century, one emperor in particular named Constantine made an effort to reunite the two by declaring Christianity the official state religion, leading to the creation of the Roman Catholic Church. Before you know it, and witnessing the swift growth and awesome level of social control, seemingly every nation (which even included the ones that conquered Rome) started making Christianity their religion as well. Though the Western Roman Empire and 1,000 years later the Eastern Roman Empire would physically dissolve, they were immortalized through religious power. Instead of supporting the government, soon the Church BECAME the government, as Popes began to command more power than kings, even art and culture became Christianized. Then the European powers rose, and they spread Christianity all over this planet. Because of this, Christianity is the main base of all of Western Civilization. Which now rules the world. So they proved that it was it was easier to control societies they conquered not with brute force, but with winning their hearts and minds by uniting them under the cause of a particular religion. So why did everyone love Christianity so much? People have always feared death, the triviality of existence. Life had to have really sucked back then too, considering all these idiots had to take dumps out in the wild and die from plagues and whatnot. So it really was only a matter of time before SOME sort of unified effort came along to offer purpose and self worth to them. We’re talking about miles upon miles of different farming communities and a bunch of different cities with diverse cultures, and religion just has this binding effect on humanity. In this lovely world, it also happened to be a fanciful thing to follow Christ’s ideas of loving thy neighbor, forgiveness, and other gay poo poo like that anyway, as I’m sure there were a lot more assholes running around than there are today. Altogether, the writers were supposedly psychic mediums writing down God's words, and the story they tell is that God came down to us as a super nice guy, he taught other people that they should be nice, and he died for being too nice, therefore everyone should be nice too. It can be argued that there were many philosophers before Christ that preached similar ideas to his…but, in the end, they were loving losers. At that point, intellectuals and rulers had a great pool of knowledge on how to control the population, and the race to invent a religion that appeals to everyone's desire to be nice and keeps them docile was on. I'm trying to get into the minds of the writers of Christ's story and see the novel structure they used to seduce people into acting how they were wanted to, what their agenda was, who their employer was. It's amazing to me how the masses just ate that poo poo up. The printing press also wouldn’t be invented until the 15th century, so only the wealthiest had access to any information pertaining to the validity of these stories. Not to mention no one knew how to read - people didn’t know what to believe. But a lot of them sure figured that they might as well try to get to party in Heaven, rather than risk burning in Hell, with Charlie Sheen. I think all this will be important to include when I write my book. So Christianity comes along, lets people believe that they’re spreading good by being out in the world taking over other people’s lands and their religious beliefs, during the time when life sucks poo poo and everyone’s afraid of God and death, and eventually it has won over every continent that matters. The idea of God is truly the most seductive thing ever. But most important is the fuel for this train to Nutsoville. It’s a mysteriously powerful awesome substance, that I like to call DOOM. See, of course these people aren’t only out spreading Christianity out of the goodness of their hearts, what they fear is DOOM. DOOM is the threat of impending doom, whether it’s through earthquakes, floods, man made events (say the sun stops working and we all freeze to death. That would be Sun doom. Or say we reach peak oil and nuke the earth out of existence fighting over what’s left, that would be Oil doom), but especially as a part of God’s wrath. DOOM is also a 90’s computer game and the father of all shooter games, where you ran around with a gun or chainsaw killing goat men and assorted demonic enemies. Well guess what, all those goat men and demonic enemies you killed with a chainsaw exist because of the Bible too. Such characters are said to spring up when the ultimate DOOM occurs, which is the one written about in the Bible: The Apocalypse. Because the writers were mind ninjas, the last chapter of the Bible is a fear instilling tirade about how the Devil (a.k.a Satan) is visiting us on Earth, not to be cool with us, but to be mean. And by mean I mean he’s gonna bring Hell to your neighborhood and there’s gonna be lotsa dragons, lions, and other scary beasts and some whore is going to have sex with one of the beasts with your house on fire in the background. The end. Wait. There is still hope. Jesus is showing up to save us (again), wait nevermind, just some of us. All you have to do is repent your sins and say you’re his bitch and you’ll be fine. Just kidding. You won’t. You’ll be taken to heaven, that boring rear end place where you sing songs about him forever and ever. You’re hosed! The end. When faced with these two options as the sole purpose of our existence, for millenniums most people have decided they’d rather go to heaven over Satan’s badass destruction mayhem party. Hundreds of thousands of people were killed in the Crusades and many burned at stake fighting for this cause, yet still no DOOM. What gives? Nuns go through their whole life without getting laid because of this poo poo. That brings me to my pops. Seeing how I came to exist on this boring, lovely earth, the man’s clearly gotten laid once. Which makes no sense, because my mother is not a whore so it’s not like he paid her to do sex, he just happened to get it somehow despite being THE unsexiest man to ever live. It’s possible he started out somewhat cool, but he discovered Christ in his early 20’s, and it’s been nothing but downhill since. He’s afraid of going to Hell, so already he made the fatal mistake of taking life seriously, and this constant fear of God’s judgment wiped out whatever sense of humor he had left. He was also given the Asian culture's greatest honor of being the last male left in the family to carry on the family name. All of my ancestors’ lives have been culminating towards this event, this dumbass who spends his life chasing his fantasies of an Arab dude. Adding to this nonsense is the fact that he’s an engineer, so he goes into work and demonstrates that he’s adept in sciences during the day, only to morph back into his brain damaged true self whose belief system involves the physical universe being created in seven days by night. Of course I didn’t see that until I was much older, because growing up I thought he was the smartest man in the world seeing how he always had the right answers to my math and science homework, and knew how to fix everything in the house. To make things worse, kids are such loving assholes, so being around them a lot lead me to conclude that my pops is also right about being a nice God guy. So my ears would perk up and I’d listen intently on our frequent car rides where he’d tell me all about how the world is going to end soon and we have to save everyone from going to Hell, and then I’d share this wisdom with my pals whenever us kids had one of those deep talks. Then when they were scared shitless, I’d show how much I don’t want them to burn for eternity by giving them my copy of the Bible, and they’d appreciate me. But then I’d be playing basketball and having so much fun and start wondering how such a wonderful life could just go up in smoke, which would inevitably lead me to wonder if my pops was just a dumbass. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but holy gently caress, this man was abusive. I’m kind of a dumbass myself so I should’ve learned to respect that he had some serious boundaries and anger issues considering my earliest childhood memory is of him dragging my mom by her wrists onto the kitchen floor of our lovely apartment (back when we were poor), but at the time I was too young to understand that people tend to repeat behaviors instead of doing crazy poo poo like that once out of extraordinary circumstances. Though that’s as far as he ever went with her. Wife beating is not promoted in the Bible. But it does say to not “spare the rod”, which means you have to rage on your kids with a stick instead of intelligently reasoning with them about why they were being an rear end in a top hat. Which is okay, I was an annoying little poo poo sometimes, but most of the time it was over dumb religion. Not acting according to the Bible, not turning in assignments to him about the Bible, saying the Bible is boring and dumb, things like that. But by far the worst was making us go to the lamest place ever: Church. Church is what made him start beating up my sister well into her teens when she refused to go. It’s where he would donate 10% of his income to, and then whine about not having money. The ringleader of these packs of idiots is called a Pastor, and he makes his living off all the people that go there every Sunday to listen to him spout the same bullshit over and over and not watch football. My sisters and I were in the Youth Group Pastor’s service, which is the same stupid poo poo, only it’s full of pubescent teenagers and young adults being taught that sex is evil. Actually, everything is evil. Masturbating is evil. Non-Christian music is evil. Becoming rich is evil. Harry Potter is evil. Whenever an unmarried couple, or any couple for that matter, would start making out on television my dad would change the channel and say “This is sick!”. One would think from being so repressed he’d unleash his passion on my mother, but I never saw so much as a peck on the cheek. It was really weird. Christians claim sex is a gift from God reserved only for married couples, so by the time they get around to it they’re trash in bed so it’s common for the couple to just not engage in any physical intimacy whatsoever and sit around playing Monopoly or some poo poo. Or in my dad’s case (my mom only went to church to keep the family in order), pretend he converted his wife to unsexy so he can ignore her and live in his fantasy world where he’s the beloved ruler of a God fearing family owing its existence to him. He takes everything the Bible says literally, and it says you have to love that imaginary dude Jesus more than your own family so things were pretty awkward around him, to say the least. So after the church services the next 4 hours would be lunch with all these weird men and their gossipy wives, and my family pretending to be a happy Christian family. Then we’d go home, where the kids hate him yet fight with each other constantly out of misguided frustration, and where my mom hadn’t slept in the same room with him in years and was too paranoid we’d end up even more hosed up if she divorced him. Though it had nothing to do with her decision to stick around and actually gently caress up the family more, of course my pops was telling her how divorce isn’t allowed in the Bible and she’d go to Hell. Ridiculous. He actually thinks he’s helping people out by attacking everyone hoping they become as stupid, weak, and unamusing as he is, so overall he’s a total success in the art of dying alone. The saddest part is, literally one third of the world is Christian subscribes to this bullshit, and another 20% (and growing) are Muslim. That means that more than half of the minds in the world even in today’s age are compromised by the nonsense that is Jesus Christ. You can’t even ignore them and let them live like retards because they started blowing up our buildings and poo poo. I’m on Planet Stupid. It was my third year of college when I met JailBait. She has black/brownish hair, nice green eyes, and her two front teeth sorta protrude so she's got one of them Bugs Bunny-esque smiles. She's actually my age too, she's just JailBait 'cause she's a cute little girl, and looks like jail bait. It was weird when we met because she also went to my university, but we were on the beach in my hometown 500 miles away, and it just so happened we were both visiting home that random weekend during the middle of the semester. She had gone to my rival high school. My best friend at the time had introduced us, and she seemed really stuck up so we didn't really get along when we met. Bye psycho. I was half retarded about women at the time too (I had just lost my virginity), and after eventually figuring out that when a girl tries to size you up it's because she likes you, there she was back in my life, and we really started to click. Despite being a social butterfly, she was half retarded too seeing how she was into a weirdo like me (she was a cheerleader in high school...I was the goober kid whose head once got shat on by a seagull while walking to my next class), it was the perfect fit, I had it all figured out. And so began the story of my first love. I'd really like to write a book because, honestly, I have no loving idea what else I should do. It's like, I finish college, then I'm supposed to get a job I hate. I suck at acting, I'm too dumb to make music, and I'm not good enough at video games to be one of those Starcraft sex icons back home in Korea. I don't really have any other avenue outside of working in an office. Doing the same poo poo week in and week out for years on end. Office politics. Looking at boring paperwork all the time. I'd shoot myself by 30. No, I have to write a book. Books, even. You can always write a different kind of book. Yes, that's it. Being an author is sexy these days. Not to mention the average young adult sends 67 text messages a day, in essence, we have all become writers. Might as well write a book. Can't get too distracted by all these other writers blowing up my phone either. I also want to write a book to make my mom happy. She's also Azn, so she thinks I suck seeing how my sisters went to Ivy Leagues and got good jobs, what the gently caress happened with me. She's already had so much pain in her life, I need to get my poo poo together. I have to make babies. I'm the last male to the family name, like my pops. I hate babies. gently caress. Even worse, she doesn't want me writing books. She wants me to finish college, get a job, then write books. She has threatened to cut me off financially if I try to write a book now. Then I'd be homeless, or worse, working at Wal-Mart every day. If I have to work long hours, I won't want to write books, just catch dinner with friends, go home, watch a movie then sleep. What ever am I going to do? I really don't know what it is about me that I get bored so easily. My personal theory is that males just aren't cut out for modern society, as we are genetically wired to chase after poo poo to kill and stick our penis in vagina. Somewhere along the line, societal changes lead us to become pussies. Now men are lauded for coming up with stuff like Google Earth, which only contributes to the discovery of the saddest fact of life: There are no more adventures to be had in the world. 300 years ago, the world was still wide open, myths and folklores of islands full of magical creatures ran rampant. Your parents could tell you stories about the outside world when they tucked you in at night that left you scared shitless and excited, you could tell your friends about the time you hosed a mermaid out in Mordor and had to help abort her eggs with her dad's pitchfork thing, it was awesome. Then Google Earth happened, we officially realized there was nothing cool left to explore, and now today's idea of an adventure is a football player that is known for what lots of men have done and put it in other men's butts, yet is still able to play football. A woman shopping at Home Depot. Giving that new burger joint a try, as if you've never had a burger. It's almost like the smarter you are, the sooner you'll be bored. Because once you've already done something once, are you so dumb that you need to keep repeating that same experience to internalize it? We've basically traded away mystery and wonder for monotony and security, so it's no wonder intelligent people are more and more turning to drugs, or even suicide. I refuse to have kids so that they can sit around all bored playing on their iPhone 24s and their Playstation 12s when they're not working. I'm nice like that. And what's funny is that the suicide rate is less of an issue in poor countries. It's like they're too busy searching for food, water, clothes, and shelter to have time to be bored. So your only two options are either A) be poor and miserable, or B) kill yourself. Or if you're me and can't kill yourself because your mom will be sad, and don't want to be poor and miserable, then you gotta ???? Smoke weed eryday. I think it’s funny how people don’t believe in God. Sure, it’s ridiculous to think there’s a mean destructive God watching your every move, but all you have to do is look at a picture of the beach or rainforest or some poo poo to realize how cool it is we have all sorts of colors and shapes combining to create such beautiful scenery. If that’s not enough, consider the fact that we came to be alive on a giant rock floating in outer space after a perfect storm of billions of years of poo poo happening. If that’s still not enough, consider that on this giant rock there just so happens to be all the elements needed to create cars for us to get around, electric guitars and speakers so we can listen to music, all kinds of different dishes for our taste buds. Another one that sticks out is the camera. It’s almost like we were forced to live on this beautiful planet, yet on it there’s not much to do except create and capture memories of us doing ridiculous poo poo. Reality TV has taken over because we are the craziest reality show ever, and it's called Life. Keep in mind that we are the pinnacle of evolution. Our ancestors fought brutal wars and each day was a battle for survival, and now our primary function is surviving boredom. So we were pretty much created to enjoy life. That's the end game. It’s our destiny. I can prove it, too. I look around and see all these technologies we enjoy, the ability to choose what I want for breakfast, not worrying about getting eaten by a lion, and I can’t help but think we’re doing something right. Theoretically, I can invent something cool that makes life easier like a candle that doubles as a bong and bam, I’m set for life. No more work, no more assholes telling me what to do, lobster for breakfast lunch and dinner. It’s called Capitalism. And from the birth of this planet to the present, capitalism is the cause of all these cool technologies in cars, planes, computers, etc. in every parallel universe. So life was designed for our way of life to take over at some point. Life was also designed to be pretty simple, really. It all breaks down to the yin yang. The Pepsi symbol totally copied the yin yang, only it's red and blue half circles instead of black and white. The yin/yang represents how everything about our universe is made up of two polarities: There's male, there's female. Night/day. Positive/negative. Sun/Moon. Macrocosmic/Microcosmic. Gay/Not gay. Etc. Other parts of the universe may be different, but based on what we know about physics, it probably only varies slightly. And I hate being negative, but I don't think we were meant to be able to leave this rock. I'm not sure how many more space shuttle crashes it'll take for us to understand this, but we're trapped here, it sucks. Space is just so infinite, full of other cool stuff I’m sure, and you'll die if you try to explore it, what the heck. It's 'cause life is also a test, this planet is our testing grounds, we cannot leave. Our mission is here, to grow to our full potential, and find love and other gay poo poo. And it gets crazier. The reason why Dennis the Dwarf was so high on May 2000 AD (The Great Year) is because, according to the best calculations of the time, that was the year that marked the end of the Age of Pisces. The Age of Pisces is astrological stuff. To sum it up, astrology is the belief that, based on the positions of the stars and planets were at the moment you came out of your mom’s vagina, your basic personality traits are already predetermined by them. It’s the world’s first science, and all kinds of books and studies have made attempts to prove astrology, so far none of them have pulled it off, so who knows exactly how it works. All I know is that it does. And it’s not to be confused with the horoscopes you read in the daily newspaper, those are just made up on the fly by the newspaper people so that they have the money to do newspaper people stuff. Anyhoo, if for example you’re a Gemini, you’re likely to be more talkative (read: annoying) than others, because the sign of Gemini is all about talking and communication. There’s a whole lot more to it, as you have other signs that describe different facets of your personality, but that one is your main one. And when we are dealing with the Earth’s personality as it is leaving Pisces and entering (the Age of) Aquarius, it can be said that we are all subject to living out Aquarian traits such as rapid technological advancement, humor, and intellectualism. Which brings me to the Internet. The internet is THE invention that we’ve all been waiting for ever since mankind started inventing poo poo. It is the tool that will bring us into the Aquarian Age. Finally, some cool invention that allows us to store our lame memories, instantly communicate with people in distant lands, and stream free pornography. Now 10 year olds can be more knowledgeable than the most well read individuals in all of history up to this point. Leaky faucet? gently caress paying a plumber, who your wife might potentially have sex with. Save yourself the trouble and Google how to fix that poo poo. Bored? Watch some Japanese bug fights, or order a nice hookah set for you and your friends. The new culture is there is no culture, just everything cool and good from other cultures mashed together for us to consume. All of our experiences have combined to form a hivemind. It’s within this hivemind that we can witness God in action. Think about a song you love and you’ll be walking outside when you discover the fates have lead a car blasting it to drive by you. Or you’ll miss somebody and run into that person, hear from them, or somebody else will bring them up to you a bit later. It’s almost like we have antennas in our heads airing out our thoughts, and some indescribable force is there to connect you with it in physical reality. And due to the amount of technology we have in internet, cell phones, radio, our channels are more open than ever so these connections will only become easier to make. What this means is that we are all connected. Our growing awareness of this is a huge sign that the Age of Aquarius is beginning. Science has already started to investigate quantum physics and consciousness, there's a link between them. And this was all predicted by the people that created the story of Jesus Christ. Two millenniums ago. Who knows who exactly they are, we’ll just call them a super secret society. And now that we have calculators and are experts in astronomy (the boring mathematic and scientific study of the stars), we know that the next Age occurs every 2160 years. Which means they did a pretty good job with what little technology they had in figuring out our Earth’s astrology stuff. Around ~155 BC, the Earth was entering the Age of Pisces, so suddenly it became important that we idealize Piscean things - compassion and forgiveness, loving thy neighbor, sacrifice, the stuff Christ embodied. Just the next step in our collective soul’s progression. The will of the masses. Why the timing of the cycles of the stars and planets have an effect on your personality is beyond me. Then again, that is what nature was built on, life wouldn't work without the cyclical nature of the four seasons. And there are lots of things about nature that doesn’t make sense. Like the animal eye could only possibly see so many miles, much less underwater, how do whales know how to travel tens of thousands of miles to their breeding grounds when it's mating season without getting lost? Spider mothers don’t teach their young to spin webs. They’re born and they just do it. Scientists will chalk it up as instinct, case closed. Too bad instinct makes no sense. And humans are part of nature, so it makes sense that human nature is also built a lot on instinct. We need different kinds of people for different kinds of jobs, how lame would that be if everyone just did what was smart or liked the same things? Instinct has saved us from a lot of boredom. These instincts show up in people in a cyclical nature, it's one of the ways humankind has managed to keep moving along, and will always continue progressing and sustain itself. Someone planned all this. Freemasons refer to him/her/it as G.A.O.T.U. The Great Architect Of The Universe. I like that name. You know what I don’t like though? Muslims. They’re just as retarded, if not more retarded, than Christians. They oppress women and make them dress like ninjas and it’s so unsexy and I hate it. Know what else I don’t like? Lebron James. It was obvious from the get-go that he is the greatest player of our generation, so this kid shows up into the NBA and immediately dons number 23, Michael Jordan’s number. Real original, kid. I love his pregame ritual where he goes up to the stand and throws up his makeup powder in the air like some kind of fairy, too. Then he’s such a cool guy that he goes and does a TV special broadcasting his decision to quit on his hometown team that drafted him, joins a superstar team, and immediately loses his second championship. Michael Jordan on the other hand was a perfect 6 for 6 in championship appearances. But he finally wins one, and so of course he brags about it all over the media, never realizing that, being the most athletic bodied person of all time, winning is what he should’ve been doing all along. Then he gets his rear end handed to him in the championship again, and he quits that team too. Seeing how everyone hates him and it makes for a wonderful summer every time he loses a championship, he makes a good PR move and goes back to Cleveland, where he can help continue their streak of always losing at sports and lower the faggo-meter of cool cities like Miami. Smart move signing a 2 year contract too, he knows his whiny rear end will be out of there again shortly after losing to Golden State in the finals again. The only possible way he can earn my respect at this point is if he A) stops being a lil human being kid, and B) sixpeats, but we all know that ain’t gonna happen cuz he’s gonna get pussy cramps during the championships and turn the ball over at the worst times. MJ 4 life. Once JailBait had fallen for me, I knew it because suddenly the universe was putting us together in the same room at every turn. Whether it was at a gas station, a party, or a bar, we couldn’t not end up in the same place. I know she wasn’t stalking me, I wasn’t that cool, love just has some magical quality to it that causes the collective consciousness to act in ways that favor the two individuals. Up until this point, I was keeping me in her mind by having funny and cool Facebook statuses. It was somewhere between my dick jokes and cute stories about daily life that she finally started writing Coldplay lyrics on her profile about me, then it was make out time. It was here that things went wrong. Every time I saw her, I would try to come up with something smooth to say as a segue into the make out, like a Ryan Gosling character would do in the movies. But I was really anti talking about my feelings for her and appearing vulnerable, and I don't believe in scripting conversations beforehand, so every time I would just stand there mind blank like an idiot and try to figure out something good to say, and she'd get bored and leave. Real life isn't like the movies, it's difficult and, if anything, there's been so many movies that you might accidentally copy the lines from a kissing scene in a movie she's already seen when she just wanted you to shut up and kiss her and now it's all just too cheesy for her. So if you really love someone and they love you and want you to kiss them, don't complicate poo poo and just go for it, life's too short and too much poo poo can go wrong in it. I must have messed it up three times with her at this point, and it sucked. Of course I would look forward to trying again, but by then she had already left to New York for an internship for the summer. That's when I really really fell in love with her. It was like a painful reminder that she could leave my dumbass and move to the I can't stop thinking about how guns are making us stupider. Gun advocates whine about their constitutional rights being violated when intelligent people do the obviously smart thing and try to ban guns, it's idiots appealing to a tradition that is outdated and dumb, just like religion. The 2nd Amendment was written back when a buncha wankers from the U.K. were oppressing our people and hunting for food didn't involve going through McDonald's drive-thru. How the gently caress were the Founding Fathers supposed to know that the children in this country would end up being a mob of self-entitled shitlords that played way too much Grand Theft Auto instead of doing things that offer meaning. Not that there's anything wrong with Grand Theft Auto, it's the greatest, but it's a bad influence to some people, they need to find a more productive hobby, or a friend, for gently caress's sake. Life is loving boring so there really is nothing to do but work on something cool or bullshit with friends. These kids that come from broken homes that end up shooting up schools and malls and poo poo felt disliked, wahhh. The truth is, nobody likes you, except maybe yo mom, go find a reason to be liked. This is America so they probably don't have to worry about food and basic needs, and there's millions of reasons to be liked, there is no excuse for not incorporating a few. Of course some people just suck, I'm sure it will always be this way, and kids will be mean to other kids, that will also never change, so why allow guns and risk letting these dumb faggots get one? Then there is a shooting and CNN goes off and the guys in suits and hot reporters go on TV and bring random idiots onto the show to debate whether gun laws are okay or not, not that it matters because nothing is changed by Congress anyways, and then it's memorial services and interviews with crying people for the next month. Then we all forget and two months later another one happens. Oh no. How did this happen??? How do we make this madness stop?! I don't know. Ban guns? Then our police would have to use rubberized bullets and tazers, and as often as they want, which would loving own and then I'd want to be a police officer. And we'd tell our grandkids about the days when people lived in the fear of getting killed randomly just because we had to please a bunch of rednecks that had nothing better to do but whine about not being able to shoot raccoons from their porch and life here was just totally ignorant. If you still have the entertainment needs of a 10 year old and absolutely need to shoot a gun, you could, I don't know, go to a shooting range? We could set up hunting grounds? We sent a man to the moon, I'm sure we can figure it out. Meanwhile, gently caress the South. The next step in our evolution in not being morons would be to accept abortion. But as always, the mouthbreather religious fundies are there to dole out unwanted and bad advice. Then girls feel guilty about doing what's smart, and that is how crack babies that grow up to be crackheads just like their mothers after years of abuse and neglect in crackville are born. Or a girl has a rapist's baby because she was high on Jesus, hence too stupid to be a good mother anyway, kid ends up hosed up. I guess once the fetus has developed brain activity and such it'd be pretty messed up and should probably be illegal, but it rarely ever gets to that point. Then obviously comes the problem that life is loving boring so it'd be pretty cruel to bring a child into this world if you don't have the adequate means to at least support it as it seeks out something that makes it happy. Or if you don't have the parenting skills to teach it how to not be a shithead and wreck its karma in this life. There's too many things that can go wrong with a human life, and the sad fact is that most people aren't cut out for raising children. They should literally make you pass tests or something before you're allowed to breed. And on the topic of breeding, who in their right mind would intentionally risk ending up being responsible for birthing a guy like me? People are so retarded. The most awesome food in the world right now is Pho noodles. It's pronounced "fuh", so some places name their restaurant silly names like Pho King. Or Pho Shizzle. It's the only good thing to come out of Vietnam, and it's also kind of cheating because it's loaded with MSG so it's actually addictive. I could eat this poo poo every day. It's basically soup, noodles, and meat. Weirdos get it with tripe, which is the lining of sheep intestine and looks all spiny and it's nasty, I just get it with rare steak. After you order it and you're waiting for it to come out, you then get one of those little dishes they have out and fill half of it with Sriracha sauce (the red sauce inside the bottle with the rooster logo on it), and the other half with the mystery black sauce, then stir that poo poo together. This is what you will dip your meat in for extra awesomeness. They practice black magic or something back there so it'll come out of the kitchen and onto your table in just 3 minutes or so later, at which point you say to the waiter "Could I get some sliced onions and extra limes as well?" Because I'm an idiot and always forget to order it beforehand. And then you shift the noodles on top of the meat so that it cooks in the heat at the bottom of the bowl, squeeze in 2.14 seconds worth of the Sriracha sauce, 3.4 worth of the mystery black sauce, and then squirt 4 lime slices over the noodles. And then you add the sliced onions. And then you add the cilantro they'll bring out. And then you add the basil leaves. And then you eat. And then you order a Green Apple Boba. Or a Thai Tea Boba. And then you are happy . It's also good plain too. Welp. I need some Pho now.
DOCTOR Aquaman fucked around with this message at 00:51 on Jan 14, 2018 |
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Nov 23, 2017 22:25
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Because I got to be an Azn in this life, lots of things are different. For one, all my friends since age 5 have at some point made small penis jokes about me. Actually, I know which of my friends have small penises by the fact that they don't make fun of me saying that I have a small penis. So it goes without saying that I've spent a lot of time thinking about cocks ever since I was a kid. No homo. There's also the issue of not having any arm or chest hair. And it only ever ends up with me having a dirty sanchez moustache when I try to grow facial hair. So I'm basically doomed to look like a 16 year old until I'm 60. Then comes the psycho Asian parents. We are all immigrants so my parents ended up having to do all the hard work, having to learn English, which is like the hardest language in the world, and getting jobs and going to work. So naturally they'd be pissed if we didn't do well in school, which is justifiable considering anyone with a pulse can do decent in American public schooling. Needless to say, when my sister became valedictorian of our high school, it had become pretty obvious that I had poo poo the bed in my family after finishing as a B student. I was supposed to care, but I just couldn't. Everyone already assumes I'm smart because I'm Asian anyways, so if I really wanted to get a job and go that route it shouldn't be too hard. I think a lot of it has to do with being a guy and wanting to conquer the world or something, the last thing I want to do is work for some human being that I'll probably end up killing. I really only went to college to find love, so I just went along with my parents' desire to make me get an education and pick up the tab so it's all good. I started out as a business major because I'd like to own a business someday, but it was more boring than I thought it would be. But I kept at it because college was fun. So I toiled away in accounting and econ and math I'll never use, those were dark days. Then I discovered astrology while I was taking a poo poo. I was home for break and my sister had left a book in the bathroom. It was so fascinating, poo poo was like crack. So I changed my major to psychology, assuming I'd be learning more about astrology and follow in the footsteps of Carl Jung or someone cool, instead I found my professors were dumbasses being paid to teach someone how to become a B-list divorce counselor or how the brain physically operates. But it's fun, so whatever. With astrology I can diagnose problems that are bound to come up between people and stuff like that. It helps cut to the heart of the matter in the land of confusion that is the human personality. The universe was so chaotic until I learned it. Not that chaos isn't beautiful or anything. And I'm also glad to be Azn because it makes me memorable in an ADD world in a time where girls are so open to trying new stuff now, way down to be their first Asian. There's even girls that only like Asians. They probably watched a lot of anime growing up, or have reached peak boredom. It's pretty cool how diverse this world is. I still hate life though! Being a Facebook jokester was cool and all, but my true passion had always been in conspiracy theories. As a whole they're dumb. But we live in the information age now, so it's fun to try to discover secrets in history and other information so that you can entertain fantasies that might not just be fantasies after all. Just like the online communities for poop lovers, the internet has empowered conspiracy theorists with the ability to endlessly share their thoughts and form plans of action. But the problem with conspiracy theorists is there is too much information. You'll start reading a conspiracy about how our economy is being manipulated, and before you know it you've deduced that our politicians are an alien Reptilian race hellbent on using an earthquake machine whose destruction causes a huge Mayan comet to hit the earth, all set in motion by their assassination of Tupac Shakur. On the other hand, the mainstream media companies are all owned by a small group of financial conglomerates, we're talking about the top 1% of the wealthiest 1% in the world (who can also scheme from anytime, anyplace, anywhere thanks to the internet) that are probably playing God and brainwashing us for their own agenda, you don't really have any other choice when trying to make sense of the news. And that's how I came across Operation Blackjack. Now, I've seen some of the craziest poo poo on the internet (Tubgirl, 2 girls 1 cup, goatse, etc.), but Blackjack takes the cake. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/culturepicturegalleries/4220575/Blackjack.html (easier to view on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uvd91OU_Jbo) Operation Blackjack is a slideshow that was put up on the British newspaper site The Daily Telegraph in 2009 (I discovered it in 2010), and it starts off with a slide about the British government receiving warning of an imminent terrorist attack. "June 20...2 PM. A coalition of home-grown extremists, Islamists, and Christian doomsday cultists may have acquired the means to carry out a mass-casualty attack..." The slideshow has a disclaimer that claims it is all fiction, but I almost jizzed myself at the thought of there actually being a terrorist attack that is blamed on the two most pervasive and retarded religions in history. We went to the Middle East to fight terrorism after 9/11, what if these were part of a larger plan and after whatever the hell this is we went to war against stupid? That would be so cool. Too bad it's fiction though. The next few slides detail that the attack will be chemical or nuclear in a large city, which is scary considering the number of times I've heard experts talk about how nuclear terrorism is the future. Our world is rapidly becoming bigger, faster, stronger, from dial up to cable internet in less than a decade, from three 300+ lb linemen in the NFL in 1980 to four hundred 300+ lb linemen in 2009, watching seven different megastar celebrity superheroes taking on a villain in The Avengers (because one is not enough), of course the next major terror attack is gonna be loving ridiculous. It's almost in our destiny to witness such a crazy, godawful event. So the next slide is a picture of Prime Minister Gordon Brown addressing the terror threat to Parliament on television, after that it shows a barrel with a sun logo on it being loaded into a car "At a lock-up garage in south east London, a package is loaded into a white van", and the slides after that are pictures of people freaking out causing traffic jams as they try to flee the city. One of those slides shows a gas station next to the traffic jam "Pumps run dry as drivers stock up on fuel", and on the wall of the gas station there are a couple logos that look like they were placed there by an obvious copy and paste job using Microsoft Paint or some poo poo. You can make out the Sphinx, seems like the logos are suggesting the Illuminati or whatever super secret society is behind all this. We see the sun logo again on a white van in the next slide, "Unnoticed...a white van parked near Victoria, London". Then there is a picture of London from the sky "June 22...8.03 AM The view from an airliner over London". And then boom. The nuke has gone off in the city. And then it shows the city all destroyed and its monuments hosed up. Poor wankers. That's what they get for calling soccer "football" and driving on the wrong side of the road hah. If anything, I'd love to live in a fictional world where England croaked, it would mean less gay Coldplay songs that my current girlfriend makes me listen to. loving wankers. So I keep clicking and it says "In Part Two..." and I click again and it's a slide saying "In Part Two" again, only this time it has a picture of a large modern city with a caption on the top left saying "LIVE" (like it's on live television) and the traffic is all jammed up and the headline says "NEW YORK: MILLIONS FLEE CITY". And I was like "Wait...NEW YORK??? THE gently caress? JAILBAIT IS THERE FOR THE SUMMER WHAT IN gently caress IS THIS poo poo?? FLEEING FROM WHAT?" More shots of the city, one of which is a picture of the streets with a white vehicle with another strange logo on it and the word "NAU". Then you click on "Blackjack - Part 2. A slideshow story", and it does a little recap of part one. Then the next slide says "June 22 8.03 AM EDT. New York City", and a picture of the city being viewed from an airliner. At this point I'm hoping the next slide is about to be Godzilla or the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man raising hell on the city so I can write this whole thing off as fiction. NOPE! It's a nuke blast. And then it gets even crazier. The next slides are Washington D.C. getting nuked, Toronto, Mexico City, Portland, Los Angeles, all getting their poo poo rocked by nukes. More pictures of the aftermath and fallout, and then it gives us a glimpse of Part 3 showing planes with a new kind of American flag, then a television message saying "Department of Homeland Security Emergency Transmission. Stay at home and await further instructions", with an eagle logo at the bottom right which foreshadows the coming "Union of North America". Then an English policeman wearing one of the so called Union of North America hats, but England isn't part of North America so I'm assuming it means they're our total bitch in this post-nuclear apocalypse world, a downgrade from being just our bitch right now. Part 3 is interesting in that it starts off with a recap again, only this time everything's in a comic book like format. So next is a map of North America post-nuclear poo poo going off, and the caption "Now, with millions dead and the world in chaos", and underneath that are big red words that read Teardrop - Eyes only. On the right side of the picture there are CIA-like men in suits scheming about Phase 2 of this madness, it seems Teardrop is the codename to their plans. Then the next slide shows the caption "Out of the ruins, a new country appears", and policemen in riot gear preparing to restore order amongst the "citizens of the UNA". The next 2 slides features a white President of the UNA guy, and he talks about how the UNA is about to punish those responsible for the June 22 nukepocalypse. But one thing that struck me as odd is that the capital of the UNA is Denver. There are all kinds of conspiracies surrounding the Denver International Airport, specifically paintings in the baggage claim area depicting a New World Order government-like military oppressing innocents and committing genocide. The New World Order is this fantasy that we'll have a one world government telling us how to run our poo poo. The dollar bill is an intriguing speculation to why I think a super secret society runs America and plans to use this country as a vehicle to the NWO. For starters, everyone here has had a dollar bill before, so maybe they thought that'd be the good place to leave us a clue about what all this cash money is going towards. The Latin on it, ANNUIT COEPTIS and NOVOS ORDO SECLORUM, read "God has favored our undertakings", and more interestingly, "A new order for the ages". So anyways the Denver airport also has a dedication marker inscribed with the words "New World Airport Commission", along with the square and compasses symbol of the Freemasons. It also lists the two significant Freemason meet up spots in Colorado. All of this is mounted over a time capsule, which is to be opened in 2094. I'd very much like to break into this time capsule to see what's inside. But my mom might not be down to bail me out of jail so this might not be such a good idea. The next slide is the President identifying Iran, Syria, and China as the culprits behind the attacks, and pix of missiles being launched towards them. I guess because these countries are in opposition to the New World Order. Sounds crazy, but then again so is going to war with Iraq. Maybe we're setting up outposts to prepare for future war. Lots of Muslims would die, sounds good to me. Next we see concentration camp-like pictures and the captions reading "in our homeland we are moving against the many thousands of people who collaborated on these evil plots. They will be held in special containment facilities across the UNA. Many hundreds have already been apprehended and are currently in transit to these facilities". My dad always said true Christians pray for the great persecution to come upon them when it's apocalypse time because it means Jesus is finally not coming, so I actually jizzed again at the thought of thousands of radical Christians being moved to camps to be slaughtered. After that are two slides with the President still talking saying to abide by the state of emergency that exists across the UNA while we're waging war on all these faggots, and about how our debts have been forgiven and our country has reopened for business. There is a picture of a UNA coin next to this. Seeing how our debt has been in the tens of trillions and never going back down, it would be cool to get a fresh start. But whatever. Next is UNA patriotic bullshit. Then it's Part 4 time. More recap, yadda yadda yadda, and then a slide saying "One year earlier...". Then it's some CIA/super secret society guy bragging about how their organization is responsible for keeping the western way of life alive this whole time, but that we've exhausted ourselves in recent decades as we maintained strategic dominance and about how our oil supply dwindled. Talks about how the global population exploded, we've all become fat and immoral (with a nice picture of a fat guy eating stuff), our debt has exploded, all the while our enemies have grown stronger (shows a picture of a bunch of Chinese soldiers). "A new regime threatens to undermine our way of life further" with a picture of Obama. Which isn't very nice - I like Obama. Then "We face economic and social disaster at home" with a picture of a home foreclosure notice, and "And defeat abroad" with a picture of our soldiers in the Middle East. "The time has come for action. First drawn up years ago, we look to Blackjack for a solution" with a big fat picture mapping the terror cells working to carry out this Oh poo poo button. Next to that is a folder with Teardrop - Operation Blackjack - Top Secret Eyes Only headlined on it. "The ordinance for Blackjack has been secured" next to the article about the nukes that went missing briefly back in '07 (cover up?). Some acronyms I've never heard of signaling they're ready for Phase 2. From there we go to Part 5. Part 5 begins with an emergency broadcast on your TV kind of picture, and then a message from Homeland Security saying we've served the countries responsible for the attacks justice, but there remains more terror cells in the UNA and Britain that might be armed with more nukes. Then the next slide is about how the government had an emergency act in place, which states all citizens of the UNA must have a "Biometric Identification card" in order to make purchases and business transactions. Under the message is a picture of this Biometric Identification card with a random white guy on it, but on the center of the card is a bunch of letters and numbers. Looks like a code. So I searched Operation Blackjack ID card on Google because I'm not the computer geek kind of Azn and can't decipher programming mumbo jumbo, and I clicked on "The ID on Operation Blackjack has a secret message" thread on abovetopsecret.com (the most popular conspiracy site). The code says "this is not simply entertainment". Whoa. So I go back to finishing the slideshow, and the next slide is about how all citizens must contact their local health care provider to receive a one-time vaccination against biological and chemical agents and how you'll go to jail if you don't. Pictured is a little tube of the vaccine or tracking device or whatever. Could this Biometric ID card or vaccination put the Mark of the Beast in your body? The Mark of the Beast is written about in Revelations (the last chapter of the Bible), where it is believed I, the Anti-Christ, will in the name of counterterrorism and world economic stability create a global currency and force all people that wish to eat and do business to worship me and carry this mark. Credit cards combined into RFID microchip implants is the likely process to this goal, I'm not entirely sure, but it should bear the numbers 666 because that is what is prophesized in the Bible. That is why the Devil is associated with the number 666. After this global currency, all the other poo poo in Revelations will go down. But hmm maybe this all isn't supposed to happen yet. I can dream though. Maybe I just like giving humans the intimidating feeling of the Bible prophecy about me coming to life, and plan to surprise the world with good stuff instead of carrying out all the scary stuff that Revelations talks about. Then again, I am a huge rear end in a top hat. The slide after that has the government lying saying the perpetrators of the nuke attacks also used alternative forums (conspiracy sites?) to coordinate it and they will be regulating the internets from now on. After that is a message saying all journalists and people intending to publish information must get approved by the Department of Homeland Security. Underneath is a picture of an ID card with the random white guy on it again, and it says Name: Thomas Valente. Media: New Daily Telegraph Expiration: 09-11-11 on it. It's interesting because Thomas Valente is the name of a character from a TV series called Jericho, which is an okay show about a bunch of Americans in a town working together to survive after 23 nukes go off in the country, which was done by the highest level of the U.S. government. Weird. The final slides show the citizens starting a revolution against the UNA, so the CIA/super secret society guy recommends "the partial implementation of Phase 3". Which is the Teardrop Group revealing themselves as the culprits behind the nukes and one city is not happy about it so they go rogue, but it seems like they know the UNA military is going to restore order on them anyways. And the slideshow ends with "To be continued...". I don't see how Phase 3 helps the UNA at all, so I assume this whole thing is just stupid. But further investigation is required, so I went back to the "ID on Operation Blackjack has a secret message" thread on abovetopsecret... I want a puppy. Or a kitten. A puppy and a kitten! It becomes too obvious that life was designed to be beautiful when you see innocent little creatures like puppies, kittens, bear cubs, tiger cubs, etc., they're all so cute! Lots of them will grow up to be killers too, but who cares when they're so soft and cuddly when they're young. I think I'll go with a puppy though. No wait, a kitten! I would've definitely gone with a puppy hands down when I was younger, but I learned to appreciate cats as I got older. Cats are so dignified and graceful, and they like to surprise you with their affection. They groom themselves, eat their food and drink their water neatly, unlike dogs, who are all dirty and slobbery. They're like good roommates, independent with busy little lives, yet still down to play sometimes. And when they do play, watch out! They can take too much of your time with how fun and cute they are. You'll witness why they call it "cat-like reflexes" as they attack the little string you hold above their head. Cats are awesome. Dogs on the other hand are your best friend. They're always there for you, sometimes too loyal, they will protect you. You'll leave your house for 20 minutes to pick up weed and when you get back home your dog is all super stoked to see you all over again like you've been gone forever. Ever heard of a seeing eye cat? I don't think so. Dogs can sniff out bombs, catch criminals, some can even sniff out ovarian cancer. They do this all for free too, they live to be people pleasers. Well, not totally free...all they ask for is your love and attention in return. So which is better? There's a quote by a very astute gentleman that goes: “Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.” The answer is both. Another defining mark that I'm on Planet Stupid is the fact that we still do not have Pokemon MMORPG. MMORPG = Mass Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game. Like World of Warcraft. Actually, World of Warcraft is a terrible example, it sucks rear end. There's no freedom in the game, everyone just does what the programmers decided they should do. Just a bunch of sweaty fat male nerds in their mom's basement doing the same poo poo over and over to get stuff that will need replacing in 6 months with the next $50 expansion. But a Pokemon MMORPG...drat. You could name your Pokemon something like HitlerDidNothingWrong, and trade it to some little kid in Utah. You could be the one person on the server with the devastatingly cute Mew, and the game can throw him back into the wild for others to capture if you haven't logged on in 6 months or some poo poo so the game stays fun for everyone. It's a simple game (assuming they keep it like the Gameboy version), so girls can pick up on it fast. You could link a cell phone app to it so you can show off your Pokemon to girls at bars, it'd be so cool. You could give each other a piece of your <3 by trading away one of your favoritest Pokemon to them. Linking Facebook to it would be ideal, and there's still idiots playing Farmville and other poo poo there, so there's no reason it wouldn't do well there. Hell, it'd BE the next Facebook. Like imagine your girlfriend blocking your number and won't see you, so you have no choice but to get drunk and log in and stand outside her in-game house and beg her to take you back. Bonus points if it's raining because they added changing weather into the game. My life is ready and willing to be taken over by this game. I'd have to wait a while til I got bored of the game before maybe destroying this earth. One of the lamest moments in my life was the time that I had a confrontation with the herpes virus. And not the cold sores type, I'm talking about the gross blistery bubble sores on your wang type. It was a few days after I had unprotected sex with a fuckbuddy of mine that I noticed 2 red blistery somethings in my pubic region, which she assured me was just ingrown hairs. So I immediately made an appointment with a doctor, and holy gently caress those three days before I got to see him were the slowest time has ever gone by. I thought I definitely had herpes, so all I could think about was how much of a turn off it would be to have the "Oh yeah...I have herpes. It's very possible that sleeping with me will give you random outbreaks of adorable lesions on your vag for the rest of your life" convo with a girl just as things are heating up between me and her. I thought about if it'd be okay to just wear a condom and not tell a new random hookup that I have herpes. I thought about how manipulative I would feel charming a girl and showing off my great personality, basically doing the Dave Chappelle "GOTCHA BITCH!" and locking her down into being with a diseased guy that is human and doesn't want to be lonely. Speaking of manipulative, I started thinking the fuckbuddy I thought I contracted it from tricked me into having unprotected sex with her because she loves me so much that I need to be miserable with her. I'd have to fight against thoughts of killing her, and set out on my quest all alone to meet a girl that would accept me. And telling my guy friends I have herpes might jeopardize my chances of getting with a girl we all want because all they'd have to do is say that I have herpes, and play it off like they're trying to help her. The girl I thought I got herpes from might be a total bitch and spread rumors that I have herpes to kill my chances of meeting other girls because she's salty that I removed her from my life, yet if for some stupid reason I decided to stay with her she might think I wasn't man enough to leave her after she hosed me over and she'd be turned off by me sexually. This is a feasible scenario, girls don't always think things through. I believe women are better people than men, they're empathetic, caring, but I started questioning that. Fuckbuddy says she got tested a few months ago, what if she's lying? Maybe she's hoping I've been sleeping with too many other girls to be certain that it was her. Never being able to have sex with a clean girl without a condom ever again, gently caress. If I have kids my wife is going to contract herpes too, and then so might my kid soon as he's born, unless we do artificial insemination. Sex is the ultimate expression of love and connection, and most girls won't want that with me. I already wanna kill myself without having herpes, Jesus. Having awkward conversations with girls I meet early on to find out if they have herpes too to find out if we're compatible. There's dating sites for people with herpes, should I go there? The girls there are probably sluts or dumb. Doctor comes in. We talk about what's going on shortly before I drop my pants. Says it doesn't look like anything, sets me up with an appointment to do blood labs. Goddammit, more waiting, and I hate needles. Too stressed about my life to care though. Having to concentrate on school during the 3 days it takes for the blood work to come back. Results: Negative. Optimism returns. But it still takes months for herpes to show up in your blood, I had learned this by clicking on literally every herpes info site. The above thoughts replay in my mind over and over again, while dreaming of my life of not being herpes positive too. This goes on for several months. Can't take it anymore by the third month, make up a story to Fuckbuddy that I tested positive for herpes and why she lied to me about being tested, thinking she might admit the truth. She still says she got tested and was clean so I apologize for concocting such bullshit. More optimism. But not too much so that I don't get hurt. More waiting. Day finally arrives when I do more blood work. More waiting. And then I get the e-mail with my results, take a deep breath and click. Negative. Whew. Praise be to Allah. The thing is, this is the reality for 1 in 6 people between the ages of 14-49 in America. It's estimated that 80% of them don't even know they have it. The good news is, scientists have already developed a vaccine for Human papillomavirus (HPV), and are moving closer to a vaccine for herpes. But who knows if it'll work, I'm wrapping that poo poo up. I'm too sexy to have an STD. STDs are like the unsexiest things in the world, gotta watch out. It took years for me to realize it, but I am utterly and atrociously in love with ants. I wanna kick my butt when I think about how I used to burn them with a magnifying glass and flood their homes with Gorilla glue or something like that as a human being lil kid. Ants are so freaking cool. They are like the most successful organism on this planet, aside from us, they do work. They wake up and go to work every single day, carrying poo poo that's 50 times their body weight, no vacation time, because they are like die hard patriots to their colonies. They don't even mind if they're not the cool type that gets laid and reproduce in their colony, they just feed and take care of the babies of the ones that do. Actually, some of them are there JUST to eat and gently caress. In some colonies the females will mate with just one male in their life, in others they're total sluts and will have like 15 other babydaddies. There are some really freaky girl ants that don't even need sex to make babies. So maybe Mary in the Bible was just an ant they were writing about, and there's billions of ant Jesuses roaming around. There's scout ants whose job is to go out and risk being stepped on by fatass Americans to find food, there's soldier ants who will stop working at the drop of a hat to fight wars with other colonies, there's even slave ants that work in a colony after being taken captive by them. Scout ants that have discovered food will leave chemical trails or recruit other ant workers to come to it, and some ants' job is housekeeping. Much like humans, one species of ant has conquered all six continents. When I'm in an airplane viewing the city from the sky, I see all the lights lighting up our homebase and millions of cars travelling on freeways like columns of ants. We even have a hivemind like them, we just don't know it yet. So I'll be in an airplane watching them scrambling to go to work, and the devil child in me might get the urge to lay mass destruction on the colony, sending stragglers to find new homes, new jobs. But I doubt I will, I love people. Or at least the concept of people. Wait, no, die ants die! Lol. JK. Or am I? It must have sucked rear end back when the vast majority of people didn't brush their teeth. We see our historical figures with nice teeth in our movies, but they didn't have braces or invisalign back then so most of them had jangy looking teeth. My mouth tastes funny and my breath is probably rank when I go just one night without brushing, I can't even imagine what it'd be like to go my entire life without these products. So it would've STUNK to live back then actually, haha. Welp, that's my story. History is kinda boring, up until you start reading about World War II. Best war ever. Unlike our recent wars, there was very little gay rear end politics involved, it was as simple as Japan and Hitler are being assholes, we need to make them cut it out. It was the perfect storm of technologically advanced warfare, not only did their planes not suck like they did in World War I, people were jumping out of them. Aircraft carriers carrying thousands of people. Tanks battled. The soldiers fought with intelligence, unlike older wars in the age of the gun where people would line up and take turns shooting each other, I don't get it. The soldiers also didn't fight with too much intelligence, unlike nowadays where you see highly equipped and trained soldiers gunning down a bunch of ragtag sand niggers by the hundreds and nerds blowing up their houses from unmanned drones like it's a video game or some poo poo. Which is kinda cool too, up until they accidentally blow up one of my Arab friends' grandma or something. World War II also fascinates me from the psychological perspective, they've done all kinds of studies but I'm still not sure how you convince people to be a rabble rousing Nazi annihilating the cheap rear end Jews and loving up their karma. No joke, my prognosis is that people would rather be out being a Nazi than being bored at home. You can't blame them too much, they didn't even have TVs back then. Life is unfair like that. Plus, they've rebounded nicely from being insufferable douchebags, they make nice cars and are one of the leaders in creating green technology. Japan makes nice cars too, and they brought Nintendo and sushi into my life, good for them. But they regressed into a worser version of their World War II self by inventing anime, seriously, gently caress anime. Except Pokemon. Don't gently caress Pokemon. Love Pokemon. I am not a fan of high school. It's mandatory that we all go, so it's literally a kind of prison. Just like in a prison yard, cliques form and you have all these shitlords that are all trying to be gangster. I'm terrible at falling asleep, so the worst part was my mom yelling at me to wake up at 6:30 in the morning 5 days a week and pouting at her before realizing it's not her fault that she has to be a bitch and the world is just gay and you have to get up and go. The second worst part is that I wasn't born to be a school athlete, which is half of the only reasons why high school can be useful. The jocks are the ones that get all the ladies, so that goes to show you how hosed America is in the near future. Then for the rest of us lower beings were studying to become engineers and doctors, never mind if you don't give a poo poo about becoming one of those, you must still study math you'll never use and confusing science poo poo and not get paid for playing and having fun. It's also in this group of people that people start acting in retarded ways to get attention, I pray every night before I go to sleep that my kids will never have to witness something like the emo phase. Bunch of spoiled little shits decked out in Hot Topic with the guys painting their fingernails and dying their hair pink listening to poo poo music and crying about how they lost their iPod, wahhh, life in America is so hard. Then you got the skaters that won't be going anywhere after high school because caring about their education is not cool, and all the cool stuff that can be done in skating has already been done and well documented, so they're hosed. And then there's the bandos, can't forget about the bandos. Bandos crack me up because they love playing the ancient instruments that they made you play in elementary school. Like how is playing the tuba ever going to net you a profit, much less get you laid? See, they should make you play guitar in elementary school. I loving love rock and stuff, we'd have so many more badass bands out there if they made us all try guitar at an early age, you could make a lot of money, and chicks love rockstars. When you're sitting in art class, which you have to take, painting a picture of fruit or some stupid poo poo, how does it not cross people's minds that they'd rather be jamming out creating novel music, or at least covering great songs? Then there are people like me that didn't fit into any box. I had jock friends, nerd friends, drug dealing friends, and therein lay my issues. I was nothing. So I'm very pleased that I found other friends like me, we'd just sit back and laugh about the other kids and dick around doing anything for the lulz. By senior year 90% of the kids in high school discover they'd rather be smoking pot and drinking with anyone and everyone, that's pretty much the only cool part about high school. Would not do again. Most rap music needs to go away. I love me some Eminem, Tupac, Biggie, Dr. Dre, Snoop, all the older guys, some new new (though I don't wanna play favorites but there are a lot of good ones), but you can only listen to songs about bitches money and weed for so long. I have lots of respect for rappers because it takes a lot of wit and eloquence to make rhymes, but they're just spreading ignorance and promoting the highly aesthetic and elegant form of dance that is grinding. It's not even the dancing that makes me wanna move to another planet, it's the fact that literally every club and bar you go to blasts it so loud that you can't hear yourself think. Like right now the volume of this "music" is 12 out of 10, why not tone it down to a 7 so that people can use their brains and talk and flirt to meet people, and dance if they wish? Instead the dance floor is just a bunch of ignorant monkey ritual dancing where the accepted form of attracting someone is to go up to them and rub your balls on them, and every conversation is the girl saying "WHAT?". We don't even have the attention span for one song anymore, the DJ just blasts 20 seconds of a song, then another, and then another, it's loving insanity. And what the gently caress is up with DJs being popular these days anyways? Little to none of them have any musical talent, 99% of them don't make music they just make a living off of standing there pressing a button while hoping people are too drunk or high on something to be able to notice their lack of good taste in music. Sometimes I'm a fan of their mashups though. I too have ADD. ...and on the first page of the thread I discover that there was another slide that has since been removed reading "Citizen of the Union of North America:" and a bunch of numbers. All these codes so far are intentionally quite simple for someone that knows a little bit about programming to figure out, but anyways the numbers translate to "This is is the final warning on this site - all further warnings will be given on jackblack12.info. Beware Ardent Sentry. Be alert for Semis bearing the sun icon. Not all federal authorities are involved". So the creator of this slideshow has lead us to a new site, jackblack12.info. It's not a nod at the famous Jack Black, 21 is the name of the card game Blackjack, and 12 reversed is 21 so he's like toying with us saying "21blackjack" backwards. No idea what Ardent Sentry means, when you Googled it back then it was the code name of some nuclear disaster drill back in '09. As for the Semis bearing the sun icon, he must be talking about the [semi]trucks with the sun logos on them in the slideshow. When you visited jackblack12.info, I read that the site used to have lots of pages and pages that required passwords, but everything was deleted and replaced with a countdown timer. When added up, the time would be June 22nd, 2010 at 8:03 am when the counter hit zero. Which was like 2 weeks or something away (I discovered Blackjack in summer 2010), I was freaking out. What's crazy is that the countdown was originally counting down to June 22nd of 2009, but a few days before it reached that day a year was added on to it (the slideshow never mentioned what year it would take place so who knows if it'd change on us again). Then the site had changed back and there was an encoded file with a bunch of numbers and characters that when deciphered read "Lady Macbeth taken STOP Prince of Denmark confirmed lock STOP Othello timedown awaits STOP Malvolio timedown awaits STOP Aemilius locate order STOP Anthony locate order STOP Cadwal awaits package STOP", and the creator had also changed the main site to all black and when you highlight the page you get a long string of code that is nonsensical, but at the bottom of the page it says "Code Corrupted. Insert fresh copy.". Shakespeare poo poo and more games. 'gwydionblack' is the first abovetopsecret-er to bring up viral marketing scheme, but he's right, what kind of viral marketing scheme markets nothing but a warning of a catastrophic event? With the target audience consisting of only a couple thousand people, too. And the people were talking about how the jackblack site can keep track of your IP address and whatnot, so that was kinda scary. Other countdown timers are added, seems like they indicate when each Phase from the slideshow will begin. Next comes a bar code, which they cannot figure out how to decipher, apparently another site did and it says "blackjackisago". 'DocEmrick' points out that the changes to the jackblack site only occur during business hours of 9-5, and the "Citizen of the Union of North America" slide removal and site changes are made only after much discussion about them is made on the conspiracy forums so it's probably just your average working guy stringing us along. The next message is decrypted to say "OBAMA will win as president and john mccain will be the loser. The sun will set during dawn and the new twilight movie will be #ty compared to the first one. that is all." Well Obama had already won, and the other two predictions are random and silly, he's probably just taunting us. And finally, closure seems to be at hand, as the following message is decoded to say "LISTEN UP. THE WAIT IS ALMOST OVER. CLANCY BLACKJACK WILL BE ODEGARD DURING OPTIMUS SEASON. PLEASE LET THE ELDERS RESIST INTO TEMPTATION AS MEDIA IS NEVER ENDING". Clancy Blackjack? Clancy? Tom Clancy? Tom Clancy is a super famous author known for his books with detailed themes of espionage, politics, and military science. Wait, my generation didn't any read books, when I write my book I'll just introduce him as the guy responsible for video games Rainbow Six and Ghost Recon, and that boring Ben Affleck nuclear terrorist movie The Sum Of All Fears. The conspiracy forums are buzzing with people saying this is all gonna be marketing for a Tom Clancy game, and sure enough the next clue is solved and it leads to a site with the big bold words "TOM CLANCY'S BLACKJACK". And underneath that it says "THANKS FOR PLAYING ALONG. ARE YOU READY SOLDIER?" "Developed by Ubisoft Romania and published by ODEGARD Media Group, Inc. for Microsoft Windows, Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3. Tom Clancy's Blackjack is set to be released in Romania June 23, 2010. The story of the game takes place during the time of Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter. Blackjack is set in the near future where private military companies have essentially replaced government-run military in many countries. Large explosions surround the urban cities, as you struggle and direct your RECON unit to advance in this modern warfare combat zone. The player is placed in the shoes of Ryan Hathoway — an ex-military elite pilot who was recruited by one of these corporations to work for them as one of their pilots, fighting whoever and whenever he is told to. Hathoway later returns to the US Air Force Ardent base together with his team, trying to prevent a full scale terrorist attack on the United States which was initiated by this military company. Check back for updates. Register at http://ubi.com for exclusive in-gaming action screen shots and desktop wallpapers!" Oh. Whoa hold up...Romania?! What the gently caress kind of video game is made for Romania? What the gently caress even goes on in Romania? There is no mention of a Blackjack game at ubi.com. There is no ODEGARD Media Group. Who even has the time to come up with this kind of bullshit? While he's on someone's payroll, much less. Speaking of payroll, this was made right around 2008, when the economy was going to poo poo and threatening to throw the world in chaos, with our post 9/11 trauma too, what a fag. And we all know it's a he, no girl has the heart to pull this kind of poo poo. And his name might be Justin Williams. Justin Williams is an assistant editor at the Telegraph, and apparently he's the son of a staff member there so he has tons of room to be a jackass and not worry about getting fired. He wrote a blog about why Americans are so obsessed with doom a month before this game went viral, it must be him. Or maybe he's connected to a super secret society agent, or his identity is being used. Or maybe it is him, as someone did post on forums several months before the code deciphering game started acting anonymous, saying "You guys are the victims of a marketing campaign IMO. it clearly isn't anything more sinister than that." Once someone claims the anonymous guy is Justin Williams, he says: DOCTOR Aquaman fucked around with this message at 23:38 on Nov 26, 2017 |
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Nov 23, 2017 22:34
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will post the rest if you guys like
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Nov 24, 2017 01:26
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Is it so hard to give a synopsis?
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Nov 24, 2017 01:29
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So you are either crazy or a guy admirably dedicated to looking crazy
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Nov 24, 2017 02:36
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DOCTOR Aquaman posted:will post the rest if you guys like Yes
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Nov 24, 2017 03:04
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The Belgian posted:Is it so hard to give a synopsis? Yes.
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Nov 24, 2017 05:08
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The Belgian posted:Is it so hard to give a synopsis? With this one it is. You try it. DOCTOR Aquaman fucked around with this message at 05:13 on Nov 24, 2017 |
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Nov 24, 2017 05:08
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(cont.) "Well done. First bit solved (sort of) in under a week. I take it nobody's interested in Part II" People bitch him out for being an asshat. He replies: "You guys take things far too seriously..." Everyone's like well I have an auntie who lives in London, what the gently caress did you expect? Or something. To which he says "As I said: you take things far too seriously for your own well-being. [...]Some of you chose to take all of this seriously despite the slide show being clearly labelled as a work of fiction. [...]Blackjack is a game. You can either engage with it or ignore it. " Why the heck does he go back and say it's a good thing we take things far too seriously? What kind of game? Do our loved ones go boom if we ignore it? "...Neither am I a Freemason, 'Zionist', a member of the security services or a part of the global elite or any other epithet you've given me. There is not some sinister agenda with Blackjack. It's a piece of fiction. A group of us came up with the idea after seeing that Fallout 3 graphic of DC after a nuclear attack. It was just going to be London but then expanded from there. Nobody told us to do this nor did some secret agent sidle up to us and suggest it. I'm happy to answer any questions anybody has about Blackjack. For the record, there is some inspiration from Jericho (a great show which is much missed) and, yes, some of us are concerned about the authoritarian tendencies of western governments. But does that mean that I think they're going to set of a load of nukes in a massive false flag attack? Hardly. What I do think is entirely possible is that as the global financial system worsens, we're going to find our liberties further and further eroded. Crisis is always presents a great opportunity for these people to make life more difficult for all of us. Justin Williams Assistant Editor Telegraph Media Group" He answered questions, saying the date of the nukes going off in this work of fiction was always set for June 22nd 2010, that the date has no significance, that he's not a fag. But then a few months later he added the "this is not simply entertainment" code to the slideshow, and was waiting for someone to notice it so he can start the code deciphering game and now here we are. So he continues updating the jackblack12.info site with more codes that lead to random Shakespeare quotes, meanwhile, one of the forum guys points out that there are codes on justin-williams.com that when translated say "clear blue package oversight. Macbeth timedown. standby homeboy orange go. method unset. lear contents select. standby timeline holdback. rather than stone throw. vigilant styleroom. standby. standby", who knows what that means, but this asshat Justin knew someone would someone would be scared enough that they'd scour everything to do with a Justin Williams on the internet and come across his site, he was always one step ahead of us. The guys on the forums are too distracted decoding messages from troll sites that have piggybacked on the fearmongering that Justin Williams has stirred up to notice that a guy named 'ahf26' has registered just to say "IMPORTANT DISCOVERY! Hey guys I been following your forum for a while and think the justin-williams.com website might be part of this game. I went in and notice the link to go timeline requires a password. His password and username is hidden the webcalendar-all.vcs file link. I noticed in the mess of junk their was a line that said justinhp=dragon32. I typed justinhp as username and dragon32 as PW. And I logged into his PW protected calender. In his calender it says June 21st, 2:21am, war breaks out. But the year is 2008 not 2009. Maybe typed wrong year by accident? Log in and check it out" And "Has anyone else logged into the timeline page and looked at his calender. It says war breaks out at 2:21am on the 21st. But the date is 2008." He's gotta be a fake account that Justin Williams or whoever created to provide us with the next clue. The bad grammar being a trick. Who knows. But lives were on the line, had to investigate. On June 22 of this site's calendar, there is an entry that reads "Kill Myself" When you clicked on that you got: "Description: I Justin Williams will put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger. Time is short and I will go out by my hand and no one else's. Sorry I couldn't give you more info. They are very close to me and won't take me alive." Less than 5 minutes after someone posts this on the forums, the entry is deleted from the site's calendar. But I know it was the creator of this game who deleted that, watching and waiting. The guy has done literally every gay thing you could possibly do to annoy a stranger, the only reason why he's not getting his face kicked in is because he's on the internet. People were so loving worried and pissed because of his antics, and just when he redeems himself by promising he's gonna kill himself, you discover he's gone right back to pissing you off again. There is no way that anyone could donate this much of their intelligence into being such a loving human being. Though I was super excited. Not everyone shares my enthusiasm for unbridled chaos though and they were upset. And I don't wish it come in the form of nuclear war, those poor children and pets. Anyways, the justin-williams.com site goes down with an web error message, and then on jackblack12.info it's just the big words "GAME OVER". Under that it says "Truthseekers 2 - Justin Williams 0". (Truthseekers is the nickname of conspiracy theorists). And I get the feeling that he's just goading us with the scoreboard. He then made an appearance in the thread: "I'll write something about all this on telegraph.co.uk tomorrow but, in the meantime, a few quick thoughts: 1) The Blackjack slideshows all clearly stated that this was a work of fiction and that the events depicted were not real 2) I changed Blackjack to a comic format halfway through to reinforce the message that this was a work of fiction 3) There was going to be a part 6 closing the whole thing but we pulled it 4) This was an experiment in graphic entertainment - using two sites to see how far this would go virally 5) jb12 is the associated site - any other url has no relation to the Telegraph, Blackjack or me 6) The date for the bombs was always June 22, 2010" Someone asks him what's up with the 2 in the scoreboard. He answers "The 2 represents the 2 blows that knocked me out of this game: the publication of my home address and the hacking of my personal url." Supposedly someone on another forum had gotten so pissed off at his shenanigans that they hacked his home address and posted it in case that someone wanted to go give him a dirtnap, but more odd is the fact that he's whining about someone hacking his personal website when he himself provided the password. He goes on to discuss the countdown timers being removed due to technical difficulties, that the Shakespeare quotes were leading to another part of the game that won't happen anymore, that we see things we want to see, seems pretty legit. People criticize him saying playing on people's fears of millions of people dying is not a good idea of fun, to which he ignores. Someone asks him if he was on any other usernames to lead forum members on, to which he does reply to, with a simple "No". But I still don't believe a word this guy says. So June 21st, 2009 passes, no MI5 reports or Prime Minister raising the terrorist threat level, and no nukes go off on June 22nd, 2009, so the first countdown timer he put up was just to egg us on. He doesn't follow through with the article about all this on the Telegraph the next day. Or ever. Everyone has ADD these days so soon the buzz about all this on the forums dies down. 2 months later someone had been showing his friend all this, when he notices that the slide of the Prime Minister addressing the terror threat on television has been changed from a picture of Gordon Brown to David Cameron. So much for the "GAME OVER". 7 months later David Cameron wins the election. "What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre" So I'm a bit confused trying to figure out where all this madness leads, and thinking about my loved ones in the affected cities going about their day and suddenly being blown to pieces and out of my life makes me start thinking about every possibility. Operation Northwoods was a proposal by the Department of Defense in 1962 to use the CIA to commit terrorism on American civilians and blaming it on the Cuban government in a bid for war, which was turned down by White House pimp John F. Kennedy, what if Operation Blackjack is the 21st century version of that, and this time it wasn't rejected? Maybe this is a government experiment on how docile people are and how quick they are to disseminate information amongst themselves in the internet and smartphone age, as they prepare to gently caress us up. Maybe the super secret society selects our politicians, kinda like puppets distracting us from them, and they are giving us some kind of veiled warning to save those who aren't asleep to all this before kaboom. That's gotta be why this was on a mainstream media company site, they own them all, they are subtly revealing their hand to those that read between the lines, yes, that's it. Maybe there won't be any nukes, but a police state is on its way and conspiracy theorists are anti-conformist considering they like to analyze their plans all day instead of consuming products so they created this Blackjack internet bomb that tracks all the people involved so they can capture them later before they can start a revolution. Maybe this poo poo really is going down, and they have to give a minimal warning in order to preserve their karma? Maybe this poo poo really is going down, and the super secret society are pagan worshipers whose gods demand a human ritual sacrifice to mark the beginning of this astrological age? June 22nd (the date the bombs go boom) are on the summer solstice, after all. drat you possibilities! I also found it interesting the three countries Blackjack pins the attacks on are Iran, Syria, and China. Iran and Syria are like the last two large regimes standing in the way of U.S. control over the Middle East, and them chinks are gonna take over the goddamn world soon, maybe wrecking their poo poo ASAP is best for us in the long term. But the thing that haunted me the most were the countdown timers. Why was the countdown changed from June 22nd, 2009 to 2010, and does that mean it's the right one considering Justin kept saying the date of the bombs was always in 2010? The timers kept changing after that too, what if that was just to confuse us again so we can't be sure if it's 2010 and cause mass hysteria leading to saving too many people, which would ruin their plans? And mixed up in all this was my blossoming romance in JailBait, my sister and other relatives, and some friends. What the latter think of me is whatever, they can think I'm crazy, but nothing would take me out of the bone zone harder than a fail like this with the girl. She's not retarded like me, she is actually quite intelligent, and even worse she's rather funny so I'm sure her humor will soon be turned towards making fun of me. Ugh. Whatever, if she doesn't go kaboom I can recoup all kinds of losses with the magic words "I was just trying to help yo". So I did it. I told her all about why she should probably GTFO out of NY. Her response was nothing, except a facebook status, some kind of gay song lyric about some crazy fucker, but with a "don't you know you're beautiful?" at the end. Yay! Well that felt cool and all, but a day or two had gone by and, hrm, she was still hanging out in New York. Meanwhile, I myself was somewhat nearby a suspect city and trying to convince one of my BFFs to dip out with me for a bit. He's also not retarded, so he was like nah I'm good man. Everyone else had similar reactions. But I'd be so sad if she died, and I'm a broke half retarded college kid so I went ahead and used my mom's credit card to purchase her a plane ticket to Denver, sent her the itinerary, and told her to take a sick day. Of course my mom was not happy about that and was refunded that very day, but the point of that was so that the girl knows how seriously I took all this. Then maybe she'd buy her own ticket. The reason why I chose Denver was because that's where the new capital city of America would be post nukeapalooza, pretty much the safest place to be, and I'm a demented gently caress up so I thought it'd be the most beautiful first date to meet up at those murals depicting the chaos and destruction and the New World Order, if all this poo poo went down we could look back on this and know we were the only couple in the world and history who shared in such a scene. The world falling apart around us, and the two of us beginning the journey towards the new one. Not to mention how fun it'd be for her to be with me as I stood on the precipice between genius and total loving insanity, while the clock ticked down toward my answer to which of the two I was. Whichever way it went, this would be the last normal moment we'd ever have together. She would never look at me the same, all the money in the world couldn't let me take that back. Then I remembered that I'm lazy and possibly TOO weird, so I didn't feel like driving all the way to Denver and opted to buy a one way ticket there and told her if the terror threat is raised to critical like it says would happen then I'll see her there. But I told her to go there anyways because in the event it does happen, Blackjack would go viral and mass panic to get to a plane would break out in New York, and I didn't want her to be mixed up in all that so she should be out of there way before. Plus lots of girls like being told what to do. Go check out the murals and not die ho. I kid, I kid. So anyways June 21st and June 22nd, 2010 comes and goes, and NOTHING happens!! Strange feeling, being both relieved and disappointed. On one hand, nobody died and I can continue to chief that dro and enjoy an uncompromised supply of Chipotle. On the other, JailBait must think I'm an inbred, and even worse LIFE IS BOOOOORING ZZZZZZZZZZZ. Gr8 news though. She still likes me. I don't know what it was, probably because I only grew more cynical from this whole ordeal, but I just kept writing even funnier Facebook statuses. Maybe that even impressed her more. Maybe she just loves small Azn peen like Batman loves his cave. Who loving knows, more importantly, who cares? It's not like I'm about to get married and move to a suburban house with her so I can clean the gutters while my spoiled rotten kids gobble up their Ritalin and watch a zillion mindless reality shows. We're at the top of human advancement, and it seems our main function is to nuke our attention spans and indulge in half-witted entertainment, no, we're supposed to be using our technology and intelligence to fix this dumb planet. Then me and are her going to rule it. We're meant for cool things, not lame things. There's more to life than this. There HAS to be more than life than this. Otherwise when I die I swear I'm gonna punch God in the face. You know who saved the world already? Eli Manning. Football is life, the world exists to support life, therefore Eli Manning saved the world. It kind of bugs me that he was the one to do it too 'cause he's kind of a twat. He was drafted by the coolest team ever (the San Diego Chargers), and he immediately whines and moans about how he won't play for them. Wah I'm Eli I'm too good for perfect weather beaches and hot women. Yes the owner is the faggiest cheapskate in the league, but you don't see other players bitching about where they end up. Anyways, the most douchiest team in the league (the New England Patriots) in the year of our Lord 2007 had pulled off the only 16-0 season in history, which is kind of a big deal when even the shittiest team can win on any given Sunday. Ironically, the Patriots were 15-0 and facing Eli's team in the final game of the regular season, it was essentially a meaningless game seeing how his team couldn't move up higher than one of the worst seeds in the playoffs, while the Patriots had clinched the top spot, but his coach is a troll and super awesome seeing how he risked injuries to his starters right before the playoffs to try to ruin the Pat's perfect season. The game was as close as a game could be, but the Pats ended up pulling it out. But the game foreshadowed a future cool rematch for the gold, and Eli ended up pulling 3 games out of his rear end in the playoffs to get to the Super Bowl so that they could play the Pats again. It's also worth noting that the Patriots have God as their quarterback, his name is Tom Brady, and he's the definition of a winner. So the Super Bowl game commences, and it is another nail biter. Tons of black people running or catching the ball like usual, lots of lead changes, and down 4 points on 3rd down with a minute to go, Eli Manning pulls some Houdini poo poo and escapes 3 tackles, and chucks a deep ball down the middle of the field. This ends up as the most ridiculous catch in NFL history. The receiver (David Tyree) catches the ball with one hand and his helmet, so clutch. Eli's team would go on to score and win the game, thereby wrecking the Patriots' perfect season. Perfect seasons just aren't allowed to happen, unless it's my team. Had the Pats been the first team to pull it off, not only would it be boring to watch teams try and fail at copying them , it would take 2 or more perfect seasons by another team to be considered superior, aka never gonna happen. So all hail Eli, savior of the world. Another reason I don't want to be a writer is 'cause of the backlash that comes from writing anything good. When models are criticized on their looks, they can take comfort in the fact that it's just how they look and be the owner of a wonderful personality. When a professional athlete starts to suck, he can just walk away knowing that it's just a game, along with millions of dollars. But a writer's character and thoughts, basically their soul, is attacked from all sides by anonymous people, or people's whose job it is to hate on their poo poo. I'm a loving weirdo, they'll say. Or a total rear end in a top hat. That I'm a parent's worst nightmare. But the worst reason are the complaints I get from lovers and loved ones about being too busy playing around in my head to play with them, which will only get a million times worse if I start writing a book. Literally every friend I have will say something like "and there he goes, off in his own little world". The saddest is when they've just learned to accept that about me, and they stop commenting on it, so we just ignore each other in silence for a long while. So about 3 weeks had gone by since the Blackjack fiasco of 2010, and the passion between JailBait and I had seemed to gone down. Suddenly I felt like my Facebook cult centered around lulz didn't seem to be enough to keep her interested anymore, so I took action. I don't really remember, I'm pretty sure I pretended to not be paying attention to her for a few days, all I remember is her friend had posted something random on my wall, and I'm assuming JailBait had put her up to this (we communicated a lot by playing games like that). I don't think the post made much sense, the only recollection I have is it lead me to post that popular picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head, with the caption reading "I don't know what you're talking about...so here's a bunny with a pancake on its head". So that was nice of me, showing that I'm still trying to make her laugh. Later in the day, I had her catch me playing flirty mind games with one of my admirers, let that sink in for a couple hours, and then made a teasing post on JailBait's wall. She obviously took it the wrong way, as she immediately replied to it with a one liner response, something like "better than plane tickets to Denver...". Looking back, that's pretty funny, but at the time that was like soul destroying poo poo. The response I got when trying to figure out what was wrong was pure rejection, signaling the end of all this. What's loving crazy is I was at my friend's house (also one of my BFFs), and RIGHT when I got her message telling me to leave her alone, my friend's friend had shown up at his door to hang out. My friend was watching while poo poo hit the fan and asked me what that link was I replied to her friend's wall post with, so I click it to show him the bunny pic, and now it had been replaced with a picture of a fat sweaty slam whale chick fingering herself on a bed, with a caption reading "BANDWIDTH THEFT MAKES ME HOT". So essentially the server host of the bunny pic was randomly rejecting people's computers to prevent bandwidth theft and giving them that picture instead, I think she got that pic and didn't understand all that and assumed I basically told her friend gently caress you with a vulgar pic, which would be strike one, and my following moves were misconstrued as strikes two and three. To this day I have no clue as to if that's what really happened. But seems about right. Anyways, we all had a laugh about that, and when my friend's friend asked who the girl involved was, we then discovered that he was her ex-boyfriend. So he basically showed up the second that I became her ex-whatever this is, these are just the kinds of strange events that happen in my life all the time. Some astute scholar once said "Life is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel. My bad experiences always seem to be a perfect mix of both. And overall I'd say God leans much farther on the side of comedian. Real funny, God. "God approaches Adam in the Garden of Eden and makes a bargain with him. "I will make you a companion. She will be a perfect match for you, beautiful, brilliant, wildly sexy, talented and amazingly gifted. She will be loyal, honest, fun, caring, the perfect being to be by your side. All you have to do is give me an arm and a leg so that I might be able to craft her." Adam thinks a bit, and responds: "What can I get for a rib?"" So a couple days later we had not kissed but made up, as she was still in lame-O New York. I returned to writing statuses, and all was right in our world. But not really. It was pretty clear that she didn't think I was that cool anymore, unbeknownst to all my fans. Which only made me want her more. But I'd also resent being in her majesty's good graces, she had rejected a piece of me that I adored. Something's missing. We had gone to the end of the world and back, and the absurdity of the circumstances surrounding our love just made me retreat into my fantasy world more. Here we have a couple living in a country that's enslaved their population to lazily depend on consumer products for their survival while they use their death machine super soldiers to go to war in Iraq for god knows why, probably made up reasons, the two are connected in no other way except instantaneous digital letters sent through invisible airwaves that defeat all distance while the universe coordinates absurd events to help all the people connected to this hivemind link up, and within this hivemind there is one soul meticulously crafting some kind of mind game only a miniscule sized audience might pay attention to because of fears wrought on by the paranoia that comes with living in the post-9/11 society as well as hopes to save the lives of millions that would be affected by nuclear terrorist attacks. Life is just so different now. This world is changing so fast, and she might hate it but I refuse to blindly roll with the punches because that could risk endangering her life. Plus, it's fun! And it gives me room to create a love like none before it. So she gets back from New York a few weeks later, and I'm not sure where we want this to go from here. Should I just gently caress her? I'm a guy so obviously I should, but then again my feminine side tells me we would be coming together as incomplete individuals. She's wounded my poor ego, and I think she's a brainwashed drone. And no answer to who's right was in sight. Finally I came to the conclusion that we could kiss. Maybe the sky won't be on fire or we aren't hiding from zombies, but a first kiss somewhere, anywhere, was long overdue. And I really just wanted to loving kiss her. Then we could build up to the epic gently caress, once the old world had begun to crumble around us, and we were freedom fighters for the great revolution. Or something. Who knows. Anyways, so I met her out at a bar, not what I had in mind but whatever, talked about boring poo poo - the last thing I wanted to do was get into it with her about our stupid past, stopped her as we were walking to the other room, and then I went for it. I don't think she was down, because she totally turned away, rejoined her friend like 30 feet away from me, and shortly after they all left and she called me screaming at me ”I HATE YOU!!!!!" and other nice things like that. Which I thought was rather cute. I know her, we'll be cool again by tomorrow. And she's right too, I suck. And it's obvious, she doesn't love me as much as she used to. All my fault too. Well not entirely, Blackjack had a lot to do with it, but that goes back to who I am. Though I continued writing dick jokes for her, soon I was spending some of my weekend nights just replaying Blackjack in my mind over and over again and researching other conspiracies that might be connected to it. It wasn't like she'd be down to hang out with me whenever I wanted anymore, we weren't running into each other out anymore, and sometimes being out with friends and watching them in zombie party mode while I couldn't made me feel even more alone. I would take girls that do like me out on dates just so I could practice my dating skills in case the apocalypse broke out at any minute and our love caught fire again - you lose what you don't use right? But my efforts were pointless. My dating skills still remain a -42 out of 10, I ended up on a 3 week long Xanax binge, we were going nowhere fast and it was all kinds of suck. College is such a scam. For the 35% of kids that are studying to become a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or accountant, college is pretty important. The other 65%...not so much. Almost all the crap they study can be learned through dicking around online, or by taking an online course from a random internet school, which are good alternatives to starting out your career tens of thousands of dollars, possibly hundreds of thousands of dollars, in debt. Tuition only increases every year from here on out, so suddenly hot women & football game land becomes a dumber and dumber idea. Oh, but the credentials! People with college degrees have shown that they have the discipline required to earn a degree. Forget the fact that they would probably fare no better than a good high school student if an employer offered qualification tests for their positions, as those guys didn't drink themselves stupid and gently caress with any drug that they could get their hands on, holy gently caress the system is so stupid. And the textbooks! Oh god, the textbooks. Let's just rearrange a couple sentences in Herbie McDullsville's "Homosexual Buttplowing and Homosexual Buttplowing Culture" Edition 4 for Edition 5, that way we can still charge idiots $300 for this bullshit for the upcoming semester, and plummet last one's value on Amazon.com to 50 cents. That'll teach them something about life. Still...god I love this place! Every day I have to wake up and remember that the world's number 1 problem isn't that my life sucks a fat one, it's overpopulation. In just 5 generations or so, the world population has gone from 1 billion to SEVEN loving billion. It's like we were coasting along all normal for all of history, when suddenly a competition to see who could poo poo out the most babies in the shortest amount of time broke out. Combine this with industrialism and technology, now the game is to consume consume consume, yeah, sure there won't be any negative side effects to eating up all this planet's precious resources and making GBS threads up its atmosphere. Thousands of studies have been done proving that we'll all be dead because of this within a century, we are so hosed. Then we don't do anything about it because some quack comes along and writes a conflicting story, now it's just a topic of debate for our entertainment, we can just shut out the obvious nightmare staring us in the eyes, and talk about if it's real instead of doing something about it while we continue living our lazy stupid lives. I'll present all the facts in the world to people showing that the earth is dying, and I'm met with "no it's not! Think positive!". All the while they're bundled up or all sweaty while saying this due to record colds and heat...maybe global warming is questionable, but global weirding is fact. Corporations cut down their emissions by a tiny percentage and advertise themselves as "green" so that people keep buying their products and not feel like they're helping contribute to the destruction of this world, I just bought an SUV with 15% more fuel efficiency, I did my part, I'm not a loving rear end in a top hat. Meanwhile, China and India won't stop loving like crazy (over 1 billion stupid humans each), which wouldn't be a problem if they weren't modernizing at ludicrous rates, our ozone layer is about to be assreamed and our kids will be inheriting a steaming pile of turd of a planet. Which is fine with me, 99% of them are spoiled little shitheels that deserve to have to learn to appreciate the value of clean air. Ok that's a little mean, but they're certainly not getting a free car on my dime for when it's time to live out cool Mad Max fantasies, lucky bastards. DOCTOR Aquaman fucked around with this message at 23:37 on Nov 26, 2017 |
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Nov 24, 2017 05:13
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"When I die, I hope I die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers." It was the year 2011, and the only hope I had in reviving our passion rested in good ol' 2012. 2012 was this entertaining Mayan (an ancient culture that built pyramids and stuff) prophecy, which modern people interpreted as the end of the world happening because this supposedly spiritually gifted culture's calendar stopped counting after December 21st, 2012. The Mayans suggested that we were currently living in the third version of the world, and on that date this world would end and we'd enter the 4th world, which was going to be super cool and better. As a fan of astrology, I found it rather thrilling that December 21st aligned with the start of the winter solstice that year, the Mayans must've really known their poo poo, I figured we'd get superpowers or something cool and the world will be all fun instead of boring, maybe what they were trying to describe was the official beginning of the new age, the Age of Aquarius. I can be an optimist, and didn't see why God would create us and get us this far just to make it all go up in smoke, 2012 couldn't be the end of the world, it would be the start of a new one. The things I think about making their way into my reality synchronicity phenomena seemed to be (and even today I still think they are) increasing every day, maybe they would reach a climax and something totally unimaginably awesome was going to happen during this day. Then I'd revert to my pessimistic side and say something catastrophic would happen before anything good came about, God must destroy before he can create, tons of people would be hosed on or shortly after that day. But anyways, that was the adventure going on in my mind, but the adventure of maintaining JailBait's love for me until 2012 was also a fun one. I just didn't seem so impressive to her anymore, jealousy games were all that was left to make her feel something for me. Or at least that's how I felt. She could predict my every move. Every move no longer felt fresh and new. But I told myself I'm a g, I can make this work til 2012. I can write a book that seduces people into joining me in my 2012 madness. And my side quest, Operation Blackjack. Then she'll see that I'm more than just a loopy kid that writes good dick jokes on the internet. Muwahahahahahah. "Did you hear that new joke they're not telling gay people? " Well I THOUGHT I had a good plan, but life is this dumb shitfest where things don't always go as one wants. By that point I was hoping to be this escape clause for her humdrum relationship once the apocalypse broke out, hell, even dating a writer is different and cool as gently caress. But JailBait was about to graduate and move to lame rear end New York, and was tired of my dream or thought I was lame that I would be willing to let her go so easily while I was away in fantasy land. Probably because she's Aries moon that she felt like expressing how she felt about the situation, or even more likely it's just because she's a girl and wanted to feel connected to me somehow and cause me pain so that I love or remember her more and also remember to never take her for granted again. So yeah naturally now at some point every day I'll think about how my first love went to fuckshit avenue after she hosed one of my roided out BFFs (I have lots of those for some reason), and debate again whether I should try to file a lawsuit against her or hit up Party City and buy myself a fake beard since I can't grow one myself and drop out of society and become a bearded mountain man. Literally the worst because I'm a naturally skinny guy, and this dude's kind of a meathead and thought I was gonna do big things with my life due to my crazy Facebook so he tried to fix things by swearing on his dad (I was there for him the day his dad died, just 2 months prior) that he didn't do it, even after she had loving told me. But it's hard to stay mad at him because he's a really fun kid. And it's always the girl's decision. gently caress. I already hated life enough before all that though. I have a good sense of humor about stuff because I don't really take anything too seriously and find it funny when people act in predictable ways, but heartbreak just changes you. I used my powers to be a genuinely nice, helpful kid, but now all I cared about was my own feelings and whatever it took to not think about it, and I lost the ability to empathize with other people's problems, as their problems seemed so insignificant. She was the carrot on the stick for me to chase, the thing motivating me to achieve my goals and be a better version of myself, and now that carrot had been dipped in poo poo. Even if I succeeded in everything, I'll always be missing something, something that I can't get back. I was like Maximus from Gladiator, no home to return to and forced to fight on, only instead of with other warriors, it's with life's retarded daily mundane battles. I swear music saved my life. Some songs sound like they're talking to you, they are exactly what you're feeling. Even if it meant she cared about me more than I thought she did (they say you only hurt the ones you love), I'd still spend most days swinging wildly back and forth between being loving and angry or sad. The worst are the girls that don't know about my situation, yet they know it's a good move to get at a guy, so instead of evoking love for them it just makes me think about how she has already been there and they're just annoying copies of her, so original yo. But maybe that means I'm just way too jaded, and should get back to being able to get jealous again. One day I'll climb out of this pit of despair and go back to being sexy again. And I'm not sure if it has anything to do with it, but a month later Osama bin Laden was killed in Operation Neptune Spear, and there was this one Indian (dot, not feather) writer named Subir Bazooka or something for the popular site ibtimes, and he wrote a blog about Osama bin Laden's death, only instead of referring to the operation as Neptune Spear, he writes Operation Blackjack. I was like wtf and Facebook messaged him asking what moved him to refer it to as Operation Blackjack, he is the only professional on the internet tied to the name Operation Blackjack, and he replied saying that's what the military general reporting the news to him called it. I asked him which general it was, and he never got back to me. rear end in a top hat. The order in which life is at its most gayest goes 1. Moving, 2. the DMV, and, 3. Parallel Parking. The first two are too clichéd to complain about, but there are people born instinctually knowing how to parallel park, I am not one of those people. That is why I avoid downtown like sex with Glenn Beck. I always misjudge the angle so when I back up into the spot, my rear tire hits the curb, and my car is totally loving crooked. Then if I try to reverse more so I can give myself space to straighten out the car, my car goes on top of the sidewalk, so my only option is to drive back out of the spot and try to take a better angle. The problem with that though is then your tires are kinda locked facing that specific way, so it's extra hard to move your steering wheel, and you accidentally end up just reversing the exact same way into the spot as the time before that, and then you have to start over yet again. And then the people behind you start honking and yelling at you  . But they don't understand that I was just born this way. I bet they don't even care about me too.If I had to hatefuck a celebrity, that person would definitely be Sarah Palin. It's a pretty unoriginal choice, but she's that popular to hate for good reasons, and I'd be lying to myself if I didn't pick her. She's super loving hot, but unlike other reality stars that accept and even flaunt how retarded they are, she tries to hide the fact that she's a total fuckhead, and once even thought she could get away with being the Vice President of this country. Of course she is a Bible thumper. She actually thinks our laws should be based on that putrid women-oppressing book, thereby reinforcing the stereotype that women are loving morons. And to think about the fact that this woman is allowed to handle a weapon makes me wanna vomit. This country is so hosed. It really bugs me when people argue about who is better, Batman or Superman. Superman shouldn't even count as a superhero, the guy can fly, has super strength, is essentially invincible, has X-ray vision, and can shoot freakin lasers from his eyes, he's a totally unimaginative character and not worth taking seriously. The real debate is all about Batman vs Spiderman. And the answer is clearly Spiderman. The cartoon and the first two films starring Tobey Maguire were so rad. See, Batman is just another billionaire playboy, who would otherwise get his rear end beat if it weren't for all his expensive gadgets. He thinks he's so cool because he sleeps with tons of gold digging whores, and he's always got this scowl on his face and tries too hard to be an alpha tough guy. Which is hard to take seriously, especially when he and his butt buddy Robin are always running around together in their underwear all the time...fags. But Spiderman is someone we can actually relate to. Instead of being a billionaire like Batfag, he's a broke rear end nerdy college kid who studies hard and fights crime in his free time while also juggling his relationship with his down to earth girlfriend, and his face lights up and you can tell he's so happy when he's around her, such a nice guy. Which is why it's funny to hear him provide cheesy trash talk commentary during fights with his villains, he's just too nice to yell obscenities like "die human being!". He'd be the kind of friend that would be there for me with coffee and some snacks and sympathetic words or warm small talk when he came to pick me up in his old creaky car if my whip ever broke down in the middle of the night, whereas Batman would probably hang up on me and then send one of his servants to take me home and then not talk to me again until he needed something. Then I'd ask myself who cares how nice of a car I just rode in when the guy is such an a-hole. Did I mention Spiderman takes care of his elderly Aunt too? So it was summer 2011, and the plan had been to write a book that provides all the evidence and theories to something happening on December 21st, 2012 and all the various possible things that that something might be. But now all I could think about was what happens next with me and JailBait, should I find a new love, can I just die. I would sleep half the day away and wake up to recount the shitshow my life had become, soon I had concluded that I'm probably being a whiny human being and should stop being a weirdo and party like I'm a happy person til I'm actually happy. Heaps of partying (and playing basketball!) at least made me not think about it much. I managed to do this for a year before I relapsed, treated myself to just a little bit of indulging in weird again and checked out the Operation Blackjack thread. The first post from the last time I checked was by "waltfranks", which goes: "What do you think this is? Is it something to do with the BJ thing don't know what the scrolling code is. its not like anything i've seen on any of the other BJ stuff subtleraptor.net46.net" When you visited subtleraptor.net46.net, the site (before it closed last year) was nothing but a countdown timer counting the seconds until it reached June 21st, 2012. One of the forum members points out that it must be related to Blackjack, because when you check out the site info it says "Operation Blackjack, Teardrop". To which waltfranks responds " It's been updated. theres a file linked to it which i can't seem to download" Another forum member points out that the link is a ZIP file and when you preview the content of the ZIP it contains a PDF file named Teardrop. But to open the ZIP, you need a password. waltfranks says he's having trouble opening the ZIP, "whenever i try to download it i just get 'decompression failed'", he is the most inept forum surfer ever. A forum member quickly discovers that the password to open the ZIP is unsurprisingly "blackjack". But you're stuck with another password when you try to open the PDF file named Teardrop. Nobody can figure out that password. Someone tries opening it using Notepad, which lets you see some of the content of the file, though jumbled. "What comes out is a bunch of Chinese characters. I went to Google translator and Bablefish translator, it cant translate all of it, but there were certain words like "exterminate", "monitor", "benzene", and what appeared to be names (either of cities or people, I dont know)." Heh. Ok. Then waltfranks blows everybody's minds: " I guess it has something to do with this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fqyw2OH-UBI&list=HL1327347538&feature=mh_lolz " Youtube info: Uploaded on Jan 23, 2012 Coming soon - Project Teardrop. A video graphic novel. Name of video: Teardrop Posted by: TeardropGroup's channel The video begins, there's eerie music in the background, and the first several seconds of it show the words "COMING SOON", and a sparkle runs through the words. This is the exact opposite of a lovely Microsoft paintjob slideshow, this is professionally done. The next bit shows a comic book format picture of two shadow figures, seems like detectives, watching a guy's apartment, "We watched them for over a year...". Then the next picture is like you're looking through a camera and you're looking at a dark shadowy figure leaving a bus at night. "We tracked their every move...". Then next are the two shadowy figures meeting inside a parking garage at night. "We even infiltrated their cells". Next is a map of the world, with the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) logo appearing over the middle of it a few seconds after. The agency's branch (named "Teardrop") and an agent (named "81-01-01") begin exchanging messages via computers, speaking in code: "Teardrop: What is the purpose of your visit? 81-01-01: Browse garden furniture. STOP. Teardrop: How's the weather outside? 81-01-01: It's looking like rain. STOP. Teardrop: Please wait a few minutes........... Teardrop: Ok. Please report. 81-01-01: London Group has picked up a new member - white male, 5,10, dark haired, known as Anderson in the group. Will file image asap. Cell leader COUGAR has rented lock-up in Bermondsey, SE London. Will file co-ordinates and image asap. STOP. Teardrop: Thank you 81-01-01. Do you require further actions? 81-01-01: Cell leader LEONARD is suspicious of my presence. Am monitoring the situation. Will advise. STOP. END. Teardrop: Thank you 81-01-1. Ripper session terminated." The pictures fade out, screen turns black. The words "But in the end, it was not enough" appear. Then "nowhere near enough...". Flames envelope the words. What. The. gently caress. I click on TeardropGroup's channel, another video named Teardrop Trailer was uploaded a few days after the first video. Video info: Coming in Spring 2012 - Teardrop, a graphic novel. A story of intrigue and betrayal at the heart of the war on terror Video begins with the eerie music and the words "COMING SOON" with the sparkle like the first video. Then the words "TEARDROP. A graphic novel". Comic book format picture of London appears. "London...not my home...but most certainly my life". Next is a picture of a dark shadowy figure detective in the city at night. "and by evening...my work". Then the dark shadowy figure turns out to be a white dude, who's laying on a couch asleep. "and on those rare nights I can get some sleep...". Back to the picture of London. "The scene of my nightmares". Queue a nuclear blast going off in the city. Screen goes blank black. "TEARDROP. Coming in Spring 2012". This was June 2012 that I discovered these videos, gently caress, I knew I should've followed my stars, the things I love, then I'd have more time to figure this poo poo out. I frantically search for a Teardrop graphic novel that came out in the Spring. Nothing. The gently caress does this all mean? Are they saying that the people following the perpetrators of the Blackjack nuclear bomb attacks are goddamn cartoon characters, and they fail in the end? Who is this bumbling incompetent waltfranks guy that registered to the site just to post all the important poo poo, and doesn't show up to the thread again with only days to go until the countdown timer reaches zero to answer where he found these stupid links? It's that human being Justin Williams again. And what kind of person creates this twisted poo poo and has it going for FOUR loving YEARS, and then restarts this madness after lying his rear end off about being done trying to torture people? Not to mention that 99.5% of the audience it was intended for have forgotten and stopped paying attention to it. And why 2012, the year the Mayan calendar ends? June 21st is around the summer solstice, we must be having something crazy happen and then something even crazier will happen on December 21st, the winter solstice. Maybe I'm constantly contacted with people I just thought about because I know what they need to know for them or the ones they love to be safe and the universe wants me to help protect them. Maybe the universe will only work more and more like this up until it reaches a monumental or apocalyptic or maybe even something really nutty like UFO Gods returning kind of event. I downloaded a password hacker trying to figure out what exactly is in the PDF file named Teardrop. A bunch of them, actually. The best one would take 7 months, no way my computer can even stay on that long. Not to mention that I only had 10 loving days. And how was I supposed to explain to my friends and family what the hell is going on here and to not be in those cities around those days and have them not think I'm insane? What if other conspiracy folk have seen the new stuff too and are about to make this all go viral, causing mass panic in the cities, making it impossible for the ones I know to get out in time? And what about me? This is going to make me look ridiculous if I'm wrong. But so many people could die if I'm right and I sat there doing nothing. In fact, it'll be too late for so many people the longer I wait to do something about it. And now I'm reminded of JailBait again. So I did it. It was akin to that guy in the Red Bull commercial who wears an astronaut suit and jumps off a little space station all the way down to the Earth, I imagine he felt the same way right before he made the jump. The attention I commanded via my Facebook following all went to my latest post giving a quick rundown on Blackjack and to get the gently caress out of those cities. Had the same talk with family members, they thought I was off my rocker. And that's the most heroic thing I've ever done. I think JailBait could understand where I was coming from now. She may make the occasional grammar mistake and actually thinks it's a good idea to spend her valuable time watching a team lead by Jay Cutler, but she is drat brilliant so it's all dandy. As for me, I was irked by the slideshow saying they would cover their tracks by also pinning the nuclear attacks on conspiracy forum people, like I was really paranoid the links or other key words in my Facebook post could have super secret society agents chasing me, so I packed up a lot of poo poo and moved to one of my BFF's place. And so began the longest several days of waiting until June 21st. Some of the girls I knew laughed at me, but it's not like they'd ever have the guts or resourcefulness to do the right thing so gently caress them, some girls found it beautiful. And June 21st finally came and guess what, nothing happens. So I check that subtleraptor link to see what was going on ever since it reached zero, and...now the counter was counting...UP?!?! It's like always opposite day with these fuckers, what number does it count up to? Who knows, but December is the opposite of June, so I made another adventurous move and said December 21st is when poo poo hits the fan, like it's the big day the Mayan calendar predicted. Those six months of waiting...were really interesting. People came flooding in and started playing games. I was either worth all kinds of good things to them and their lives could even possibly depend on me being their ally, or absolute poo poo, but just in case I wasn't a pile they were really good to me. But I couldn't play favorites to all of them, don't have the time desire or energy, so lots of them were driven to play more games or maybe form a hater group. People HATE being ignored. I think the more intuitive ones knew it'd be tough to remain sane through it all and I said what I needed to say and now I just wanted to be able to think in peace, and they figured they would probably never meet anyone like that again so it made them feel good about themselves karmically to do favors for this dude who was at least extremely entertaining in this uninspiring reality failing his ridiculous plan to save their grandma in Mexico City or something so that she can witness something interesting happen on the news for a while before things resettle and then she can go back to spending her remaining years watching Telenovela again, in her new home Denver. So December 21st comes and goes and welp, nothing happens. The darkest days of my life begin as I am forced to start considering the idea that life is just boring as poo poo. Nothing but the same poo poo year in and year out. Just absolute crud for 7/12ths of the year, when there's no football happening. Surprise! Eventually my actions lead me to wind up in therapy. My mom begged me to go, for her. All she saw was that I was deemed insane, I had no life purpose, I was in debt, worst of all, I was bored as poo poo. Everything was too predictable, the idea of humdrum relationships, same poo poo always happening on the news, no new foods to try, astrology didn't excite me anymore. Maybe God would understand if I killed myself, not my fault he didn't really create anything cool to do here. But freakin mom would be sad if I did that, goddammit. These are the things I found more entertaining to sit there and think about than doing other fun stuff I usually like. Therapy works wonders for some people, but my therapist wasn't capable of bringing about the biblical apocalypse, or any kind of apocalypse, useless. She showed me a site with a gigantic list of hobbies, knitting, cooking, hiking, kayaking...BORING. I'm convinced that all I can do to be happy with normal waking life is playing basketball, sex, fantasy football, driving, smoking, drinking, and then alternating the order in which these things happen so I have time to forget why I get bored of it and occasionally switch up the people I do these things with. I'm going to try helping people next, but I don't have the money to do that quite yet. And I need to figure out how to not suck at helping my own self first. Another therapist of mine promoted meditating. It's good, but I don't have the discipline and structure to do it every day. I belong in a zoo. I wanna punch Joel Osteen in the face. He's one of those Televangelist stars, embodying the white American Christian family man in ultraconservative retardville Texas, and milking millions of dollars from gullible religioustards using his good looks and cookie cutter inspirational messages that promote further stupidity that is Christianity throughout the world. Yeah, I'm just gonna hop on the bandwagon and pretend I'm gay for some imaginary broke rear end hairy carpenter Jew so I can drive a Lexus and score with a hot blonde wife. Actually, when you really look at him, he's not even good looking because you can tell he's a total creep, there's no way anybody can be so nice and happy all the time. Kill yourself stupid human being. Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses, to join Cheech and Chong in matrimony commended to be honorable among all; and therefore is not to entered into lightly, but reverently, passionately, - *FAAAAAAAAAAAAART*. Farts are so drat funny. One of the objects in this game of life is to not get caught farting at bad times, I think I failed at this game, seeing how I shat myself outside a party one time. Not one of my greatest moments. But lucky for me I'm a guy, so it's not that big of a deal. People want to believe that women and men are created equal, but when it comes to farting, nuh uh. I'm forgiving, I can look the other way if she does it on accident, but no girlfriend of mine is gonna be farting around me on purpose. No farting competitions, no sex involving pooping on each other, no war stories about how much poop came out today, nothing. Can't believe someone's made millions inventing the whoopie cushion too. He's surely dead by now, but his life revolved around and was supported by farts. That would be an interesting conversation to have with God in the afterlife as he reviews how you did here on this planet. "What did the mexican say when two houses collapsed on him? Get off me homes" Lol @ gay marriage still being a hot topic of debate. It's one of those awesome rare instances where all you have to do to be the good guy is not give a poo poo, in fact anyone who would go out of their way to whine about what the gays do automatically make my gaydar buzz me about possible closet case. It's also just not very intelligent for a man to slow down gay acceptance, because he's just making it statistically more likely that he'll lose out on women that wind up dating the competition he's helped creating that is all the men that are actually gay but too afraid of societal judgment to ever live that lifestyle. And vice versa. Most importantly, it's a sign that they're a boring person, because the world they wanna live in is one where there's even less oddities, ewwwwww. See that's the thing, it's like God was just the most bored dude or chick or chick dude ever and decided the only way to truly stay entertained was to split its soul up and each of us are a piece and through us God gets to experience everything from being gay, straight, bisexual, dwarf, drat tall, sick, handicapped, ugly, beautiful, average, an evil autist given the task of ruling North Korea, etc. and all the complex stories and feelings that come about as we interact with each other and discover that we as a collective are it. So if you wanna be cool you should love your gay brothers and sisters. However, if you write for Hollywood and you wanna be cool, please PLEASE stop force feeding us with your pro-gay acceptance agenda by making literally every show have a couple protaganists surprise us with a gay love story, it's not interesting to anyone anymore and it made my zombie loving apocalypse show seem trite and I shudder at the thought of a world where gays are so normal that gay jokes are frowned upon, then who are we supposed to rag on?? And why aren't there ever any Asians in your movies that don't do kung fu or drive a ricer? Who the gently caress is this guy that makes the decision to cast Jake Gyllenhaal as The Prince of Persia and ends up getting paid for it, and how does he get the production team to take their work seriously? Someone needs to get a hold of this wizard, what if he has the power to stop the climate crisis too!!! The Georgia Guidestones are where it's at. In 1980, an anonymous patron going by the pseudonym "R.C. Christian" had 5 towering stones and a capstone erected on a hill, they are aligned astronomically, and they are completely intriguing. A list of 10 phrases in 8 different languages are written on the stone, English, Spanish, Swahili, Hindi, Hebrew, Arabic, Chinese, and Russian, along with a shorter message on the top of the monument written in 4 ancient languages, including Egyptian hieroglyphs. I liken it to the Ten Commandments of the New Age, and it goes like this: 1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature. 2. Guide reproduction wisely — improving fitness and diversity. 3. Unite humanity with a living new language. 4. Rule passion — faith — tradition — and all things with tempered reason. 5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts. 6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court. 7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials. 8. Balance personal rights with social duties. 9. Prize truth — beauty — love — seeking harmony with the infinite. 10. Be not a cancer on the earth — Leave room for nature — Leave room for nature. The breakdown: 1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature. This is an easy one - overpopulation is the world's biggest problem today, no surprise it's the first on the list. 500 million people max sounds great to me. Way too many idiots as it is. 2. Guide reproduction wisely — improving fitness and diversity. Yes. No more kids that won't be looked after by lovely parents, crackbabies, and crotchspawns of stupid people that will be raised to become stupid too. And for chrissakes, NO MORE FATTIES. Exercise, good. Bacon wrapped bacon, bad. As for diversity, is it a coincidence that America, the melting pot of the world, was the one to invent everything cool? Probably not. We have the most diversity of minds. Plus, mixed race chicks are loving hot. 3. Unite humanity with a living new language. I vote English. There's so much vocabulary and tons of things you can do with the English language. It'd just be more efficient if everyone spoke the same thing. I got a language we can all understand too: computer programming. All that nerdy binary and coding. And soon we could come up with a mash up of all the tongues on Google translator, or something. 4. Rule passion — faith — tradition — and all things with tempered reason. This is for the religioustards. No more bombing shopping malls! No more bombing abortion clinics! No more extremes of anything, moderation is where it's at. 5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts. Ya, ya! Except Canada. gently caress Canadians. 6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court. Yup. We need to have self managing civilizations, each being part of a united world government and helping it keep nations that decide to be assholes in check. Like the United Nations x1000. 7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials. Yes. Legalize weed and other poo poo and dump all unnecessary powertrippin' faggots. 8. Balance personal rights with social duties. We can still enjoy ourselves, but everything would be better if we each contributed to society. 9. Prize truth — beauty — love — seeking harmony with the infinite. This one's interesting. To me, it sounds a lot like astrology. By being accepting of our natures, we become one with the collective. Reason is what separates human beings from animals, and I used to believe that I should use this gift to rise above my astrological nature, to defeat my stars, but in the end I realized we are half nature (animal) for a reason. I don't only make relationships with people I'm compatible with either, that's lame, there are strengths and weaknesses to every connection. Probably the reason why I have so many BFFs. There's also so many people in unhappy relationships because they've compromised themselves to stay with someone, they don't act like themselves, so their soul suffers. Finally, 10. Be not a cancer on the earth — Leave room for nature — Leave room for nature. These are the parting words. We're eating up this planet in record population numbers, going against our natures, and soon we will all be dead if we don't make a massive change. It says to leave room for nature twice to hammer it home, I predict I'll be looking back on this one and finding it the most important. Lastly, the words "Let these be guidestones to an Age of Reason" are inscribed on the center stone. Aquarius is the sign of the intellectual. These stones are the mantra and instructions for the Age of Aquarius. I know this because this puzzle is the test my life has been culminating towards. One interesting subject is the story of War Machine and Christy Mack. Some might say it was an accident waiting to happen. Others will say they were both just doing what they do best. But anyways, War Machine is a person, not a robot, and he was a UFC fighter. His girlfriend, uh, ex-girlfriend, Christy Mack, is an adult film star. She was loving a guy unrelated to work, got caught, and he beat the complete poo poo out of them. She had something like 20 broken bones, broken nose, missing teeth, damaged vital organs, she's lucky to be alive. He says he was coming over to propose to her, she says they weren't even together anymore, and she hates every fiber of his being so she also says he tried to rape her too, just a mess. He has previous assault charges, so he's about to be in prison for life, as I'm sure the judge is gonna wanna help a guy with such a toolbag Twitter pic* after he just got caught beating a woman. Pussy. So after sucking at killing himself, he finds a fan or something that wants to post his letters from jail on his Twitter account for him. He tweets about how regretful he is, that she's the love of his life, that he's not an rear end in a top hat...but it was when he started complaining about how boring prison is that I started to think there's hope for the guy. I feel like I'm losing my mind to boredom every day as a free man, how the gently caress would I survive in prison? Anyways, it took some time, but the man finally went insane and started drinking the Jesus juice. He could just be saying that he's converted to get a shorter prison sentence, but in this case I really don't think so! *since changed It started when he received a book called "The Case For a Creator", which presents quantum physics and consciousness theory and other things to prove the existence of God. He had written previously about quantum physics, he seemed intelligent there for a bit. Then it all went downhill when he saw on the book that the author had also written a book called "The Case For Christ", and the very same consciousness influencing reality New Age-y synchronicity phenomena he had just read about happened and he found out his neighbor inmate happened to have that other book. The last trace of his intelligence had shown itself when he talked about how he was on the fence about it because he was so distrustful of organized religion, but he ended up taking the coincidence as a sign, read the book, and now his tweets are nothing but spewing out Bible quotes and how sex outside of marriage is bad. It's sad, watching a man break down. It's not really an excuse, but the guy's had a tough life. Mom was a drug addict, dad died pretty much in his arms, having to take care of his little bro and sis, sure he has lots of depressive episodes and can really blow up if tipped too far. His astrology says he'd have a tough upbringing. I vote he's given 15 years max. He seems genuine in trying to be a good guy, and I think he'll figure out that he doesn't need to believe in anyone but himself to be a positive influence on others. And there's also the threat of being put away and exceptionally bored for life again. Just please, make him stop with the garbage Bible quotes. One thing that really trips me out still is sleep. I never really thought too much into it, but one day it dawned on me that we spend about a third of our lives sleeping. And thank loving god. Life is already boring enough, I don't know what I'd do with myself that doesn't involve drugs if I had to be up for a whole another third of a day every day. Which brings me to dreams. Dreaming is like taking the most insane drug ever. And we do it every day. I did some research and discovered that the brain produces a chemical called DMT (stands for some sciency name I'm too lazy to look up) when you sleep, which is what causes you to warp to some crazy nonsensical world where anything goes and the feeling of boredom doesn't exist, it's just constant action non-stop. Naturally, some idiot decided to try smoking it, and apparently it's pretty cool, if you're lucky you can find someone who sells it, I might have to try it one day. I just really love dreaming. They say sleep is death's brother-in-law, and I imagine it's because the afterlife is a lot like returning to the dream world that's shared by all the dead people, the source, for however long it takes to recharge the soul. A lot of the times when I wake up it's like I died and reincarnated, I could've sworn my dream was real life, and I have to remember who I am what's happened in this reality why is it 3 in the afternoon already and then figure out how to not be bored from there, maybe think about starting the process of finding work. When I'm older and end up on my deathbed after a bad ping pong accident or something, my last words are going to be, "Yoda 2 (my second and favorite son's name, Yoda 1 being his failed disc golfer older brother)...smoke weed...everyd-...ackkkk" *dies*. Who knows how right I am, but here's my prognosis: When it comes to laws and smoothing over problems that come up in the general public, politicians are useful there. But the ones in the upper echelons, as well as other well selected affluent people, work for a super secret society, who are the people that really govern international affairs. The selectees are approached and briefed on how bad their karma will get hosed up if they ever speak about their existence to a non-member, as this super secret society is on its way to bringing enlightenment to all people and saving Earth. Saving us from ourselves spiritually, and more observably, the eventual physical deterioration of the planet due to climate change. Overpopulation leading to overconsumption leading to climate change is the dilemma, in fact, conducting dissenting studies to cover up how serious of an issue climate change is so that they have room to hide their agenda is a tactic they've employed. Then they can wage war without their foreign enemies knowing why, all they see is that we've recently brought our military to the Middle East for this ridiculous War On Terror. The true motive behind this is so that we can set up outposts and control the world's oil supply to majorly tip the scales in our favor when we blitzkrieg the opponents to the New World Order (who we say are to blame for the upcoming nuclear attacks on us and our allies, Operation Blackjack), especially China, Iraq was especially important to control because it's neighboring another fierce opponent we'll be invading, Iran. Which of course begs the question about 9/11. Osama bin Laden is a funny topic because the government completely fucks over all the families of the soldiers who lost their lives in the War On Terror by not releasing the photos of his body, instead he is "buried at sea", what the hell. It's possible that Osama bin Laden was working for us, and overall I don't believe our government themselves bombed the World Trade Center or anything like that, but it's likely Osama was just an evil rear end in a top hat and the government knew he and his cronies were plotting something big, let it happen so that we had an excuse to set up in the Middle East. This isn't just some crazy luck that we got hit by them when we did either, this super secret society is knee deep in astrology and was waiting for such an event. Is astrology so great and wonderful that they could master it and know the exact day something like that would happen? Probably not. Is it possible that they knew that the Age of Aquarius is kicking off, and one of the defining traits of the era would be boring old traditions like religion clashing with the new and progressive scientifically advanced societies, and were waiting for the green light? You betcha. And they've known about this Age even before they created the story of Jesus to kick off the Age of Pisces a couple thousand years ago, there was nothing to do but study people back then, they knew Aquarius well. But the universe is about balance, the reaction to such a huge intellectual advancement leading to industrial societies that happened in this Age is our atmosphere being destroyed by all the pollution they emit, and too many healthy, living people. So we along with the other nations fighting for the good of us all must band together and take over our opposition, like we're the Nazis minus the senseless exterminating of Jews, from there we can have a one world government that sets regulations on carbon emissions and stymies off the population growth of all nations, allowing just well selected people to breed. The reason the Blackjack nuclear attacks are pinned on radical Christians and Muslims banded together is because they are the mainstream religions, religion represents regression, and a huge chunk of population that can be slaughtered in revenge (half the world is one of those, tons of which will become radicalized when they think it's the end times, hence they are stupid and will willingly be killed). Especially accelerating the process is fighting Iran and Syria, both Muslim nations, and two of the three countries we blame for Operation Blackjack. China is the third nation, we will say they were allied with Iran and Syria, because we already know they will not cooperate with the New World Order. It's possible China already knows everything we're going to do, they could've joined the NWO actually, they just didn't find the amount of industrialization and people they'd be allowed to have to be fair, actually, they're going to demand their debt back so we can't wage war against them, but it's too late, we've used it to build the craziest military the world has ever seen. Have fun trying to make us pay up, squirts. Neither of us want the fight to go nuclear, so the battles will be fought by land, air, and sea. They're currently building a military airfield on the Spralty Islands, where half of the world's shipping lanes run through, it's some poo poo. When asked about it they said they took the island to build lighthouses for fishermen and trading vessels, and "a little bit" of military, hmm. But who cares, what are they gonna do if they destroy us and become the world's industrial superpower? Sit there and remake all our movies with Chinese characters? We've already done everything cool there is to do with modern society. So Blackjack is out there on the internet, meaning the super secret society is clueing us in on what to expect, it's far too late for us to do anything to stop their plans, and it's disguised well enough that our enemies and whistleblowers can't even be sure it's really about to happen. Maybe they have to warn us about it to preserve their karma, but it's more likely that it's an invite to fight for their cause. Or even both. Two of the target cities, New York and London, are the two largest financial centers in the world. It's over. No more capitalism, our ridiculous consumer culture. Well there will always be some capitalism, but the usefulness of society based solely on consumption ended after the invention of the Internet - the tool of the Age of Aquarius. We are connected spiritually, and now physically. Now we can have the greatest minds and scientists in any part of the world link up and share ideas and create technologies for clean energy, and live as peaceful communities that are efficient and make good use of technology. It's also possible that we won't be nuked like Blackjack says we will, and the super secret society is telling us that's the route we could've gone but they spared our lives, in return we should fight for their cause. I suspect that the agent whose job it is to communicate these things to us is Justin Williams. So I follow his Twitter, and all of his Tweets suggest that he's just a normal working class editor guy. Except for one Tweet that really makes me think, it's enlarged text and it says, "Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth." I think he's a recruiter. I think we know what must be done. I think I was born to lead the charge. Destroy organized religion. Destroy the opposing forces to a unified, non-deteriorating world. Bring back Tamagotchis. These days, I walk amongst people like just another one of them, blending in with the crowd. Just another grain of salt in the sea of consciousness. I cannot tell if my life is a success or utter failure, but either way, I've learned to stop caring. I'm too caught up in the chaos of always trying to figure out what the next thing I should do to take my mind off the boredom for a while, and a lot of my mental energy goes towards envying those with simple, peaceful minds. So I've gotten good at copying them and turning off my brain, for example, I won't analyze the way plots will unfold in movies at all so that I can't be like "how predictable", and just let them surprise me with whichever cliché ending they throw at me so I can feel that spark of excitement. I guess you could just say I'm dead inside, I don't know if it's because my dopamine levels had gotten so high from the feelings of an imminent nuclear apocalypse and then dropped, or the exciting pile of poo poo that was my first love. Probably both. Or maybe I'm just older and the novelty of life has worn off. Speaking of that love, I don't know what to feel about it. Years have passed since so I don't really feel hurt by it anymore, or maybe I am still and just numb to it, all I know is I'll always love her and I miss her. But could I be happy living a normal, mundane life with her? I don't know. I don't even know how she feels about me anymore. Almost sure she loves me still. In either case, every day I wake up and check this slide http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/culturepicturegalleries/4220575/Blackjack.html?image=29 because on the top left of the picture it originally had a sign that says "REPORT", and at some point the sign was changed to a big black billboard with the bold red letter word "STANDBY". Maybe someday it'll be changed to green letters saying "GO" or something, and then it all begins. I also check that large abovetopsecret thread for new replies, as well as Justin Williams' Twitter. No one has the focus to check things every day anymore. But for Blackjack I do. I am the destroyer of worlds, and the savior of us all. I must protect the girl and the people of Earth. I may be too depressed or whatever the hell this is that I feel (maybe boredom) to do anything productive with my day, but I can muster up the strength to check these. Holy gently caress my life is a mess. I've looked up symptoms of major depression and it's so true, I feel tired no matter how much I sleep, my concentration sucks balls, I feel like I'm just going through the motions when I'm doing fun things I normally love doing, and it takes me loving forever to fall asleep. When I do fall asleep, I end up in a coma for like 13 hours. So rest assured, I've given up, no way a book will be happening. DOCTOR Aquaman fucked around with this message at 23:10 on Nov 26, 2017 |
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Nov 24, 2017 05:17
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this is p bad
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Nov 24, 2017 05:19
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continue please
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Nov 24, 2017 05:22
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WickedSKS posted:this is p bad if you knew what became of me after the book, you'd say this is one helluva Easter Egg
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Nov 24, 2017 05:36
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DOCTOR Aquaman fucked around with this message at 06:26 on Nov 24, 2017 |
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Nov 24, 2017 05:45
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Really powerful stuff OP
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Nov 24, 2017 10:36
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I expected the anti-christ to have a more interesting life tbh but I'm glad the herpes test was negative, congrats!
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Nov 24, 2017 12:29
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CestMoi posted:Really powerful stuff OP sarcasm too?
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Nov 24, 2017 21:44
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POst more of it OP
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Nov 24, 2017 23:28
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Another successful goon project.
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Nov 25, 2017 18:49
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bitterandtwisted posted:I expected the anti-christ to have a more interesting life tbh but I'm glad the herpes test was negative, congrats! What are your thoughts on Operation Blackjack?
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Nov 25, 2017 21:09
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If multiple people promote it, how will you determine who gets the 15%? Will each person get 15%?
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Nov 25, 2017 23:49
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are you looking for notes, op
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Nov 26, 2017 02:14
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DOCTOR Aquaman posted:Another reason I don't want to be a writer is 'cause of the backlash that comes from writing anything good. When models are criticized on their looks, they can take comfort in the fact that it's just how they look and be the owner of a wonderful personality. When a professional athlete starts to suck, he can just walk away knowing that it's just a game, along with millions of dollars. But a writer's character and thoughts, basically their soul, is attacked from all sides by anonymous people, or people's whose job it is to hate on their poo poo. I'm a loving weirdo, they'll say. Or a total rear end in a top hat. That I'm a parent's worst nightmare.
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Nov 26, 2017 04:10
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DeadFatDuckFat posted:If multiple people promote it, how will you determine who gets the 15%? Will each person get 15%? good question. i suppose the person that writes the most convincing argument to read the book wherever they should start and it's clear that's where it was launched (i've only sold a few copies so i'll notice if there's a sudden influx of readers) is the guy. i will say however that it should be everyone that's read this' duty to spread this amongst the population
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Nov 26, 2017 04:20
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Wait if you mention Jesus being fake and imagined how are you the anti Christ The anti Christ would necessitate a christ
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Nov 26, 2017 04:26
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Tree Goat posted:are you looking for notes, op nope. i'm curious to see if everyone is as involved with Operation Blackjack based on just this information alone as I was years ago, because i am considering if writing a sequel is the best way to deliver what's happened ever since.
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Nov 26, 2017 04:27
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Mel Mudkiper posted:Wait if you mention Jesus being fake and imagined how are you the anti Christ quick google search shows all kinds of scripture that says stuff like this: "As the apostle John records in First and Second John, an antichrist denies the Father and the Son (1 John 2:22), does not acknowledge Jesus (1 John 4:3), and denies that Jesus came in the flesh (2 John 1:7)" I was going for the Anti-Christ as the prophesied and misunderstood hero that brings us into the new age with his intelligence at the end of the old age, when he uncovers that Jesus was a lie sold to the masses to get them to act in accordance to the traits demanded in the Age of Pisces (the old age that we are currently leaving/have already left). Though I must've not done a very good job of explaining that.
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Nov 26, 2017 04:41
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Sham bam bamina! posted:I got curious and somehow made it this far. You loving wish you were interesting enough to be a weirdo. I was banking on Christians (an extremely gullible folk, as well as a huge audience to sell to), to be secretly fascinated that the Devil came along and with what he has to say. That didn't work out, when I released this book last year I spent a week spamming church Facebooks and Christian subreddits with this book before getting distracted with new developments, they were just against reading anything that would oppose Christ or disrupt their little happy worlds of stupid or scared to read it or whatever. They would've thought anyone that would claim to be The Anti-Christ was a loving weirdo so that explains that. I still think that with enough hoopla, Christians would jump on this material, might need some fixes first though, or maybe I just hosed myself by picking a crazy pen name and alienated the rational population from reading about Operation Blackjack. Of course, the devil is the greatest trickster so perhaps I really am The Anti-Christ and just convincing you I'm not 
DOCTOR Aquaman fucked around with this message at 05:04 on Nov 26, 2017 |
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Nov 26, 2017 05:02
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I don't think the real Antichrist would go around church facebook pages saying that he was the Antichrist to be perfectly honest with you OP
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Nov 26, 2017 05:09
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also, that chapter was there to remind audiences of the joke that i'm writing a book about writing a book, whining about why i don't want to be a writer while being one. think you missed that though.
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Nov 26, 2017 05:13
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A human heart posted:I don't think the real Antichrist would go around church facebook pages saying that he was the Antichrist to be perfectly honest with you OP well lots of Christians believe in essence that the Devil and God are waging a battle to see who can win the most souls, so to them it wasn't supposed to be too ridiculous.
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Nov 26, 2017 05:16
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Are you actually 29 whole years old?
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Nov 26, 2017 05:21
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CestMoi posted:Are you actually 29 whole years old? ya. why you ask
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Nov 26, 2017 05:26
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Minor nitpick: you claim Adam and Eve were "a sand friend of the family couple" but I think general critical consensus is that they were white. Curious to know what your justification is for diverging from the norm on this one.
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Nov 26, 2017 05:28
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CestMoi posted:Minor nitpick: you claim Adam and Eve were "a sand friend of the family couple" but I think general critical consensus is that they were white. Curious to know what your justification is for diverging from the norm on this one. because in the Bible's warped point of view on life, all life originated from the Middle East. Genesis 2:8-14: The Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden. . . . Now a river went out of Eden to water the garden, and from there it parted and became four riverheads. The name of the first is Pishon. . . . The name of the second river is Gihon. . . . The name of the third river is Hiddekel [Tigris]. . . . The fourth river is the Euphrates. Tigris and Euphrates are located in between Syria and Iraq.
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Nov 26, 2017 05:43
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PS were you being sarcastic earlier?
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Nov 26, 2017 06:06
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This appears to be the ramblings of a disaffected teenager. The viewpoint character appears to have a severely underdeveloped sense of self. As a result they are very credulous, mistaking fiction for reality and easily accepting spurious claims. They also lack self-direction, not having goals for themselves outside of very superficial or socially mediated concerns. The rapid shifts between unrelated thoughts serms like early symptoms of schizophrenia, but it's too coherent to really capture that. Quite frankly I hate all books in the "society sucks I'm so angsty" genre. J D Salinger can die in a fire. This teenager's journal is that shackled to being repetitive and boring. Thus is pretty much one of the worst things written in the history of the English language.
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Nov 26, 2017 08:30
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Added Space posted:This appears to be the ramblings of a disaffected teenager. its frankly badass that you think the OPs book is similar to salinger and bad for the same reasons, in my opinion
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Nov 26, 2017 09:02
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