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gotta get me blade sharpened all razorlike. boss tells me they're downsizing accounting and i gots to deliver all the severance packages (6 heads, 14 arms) |
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Nov 30, 2017 18:21
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:The average orc is seven feet tall and weighs 250 pounds. The average goblin is three feet tall and weighs 40 pounds. Gnaw Bonecrusher, orcocrat grade 1, has to set the standard size for orcish seatbelts. Gnaw Bonecrusher is considering shooting himself into space. please remember to buckle up on your rocket ride 
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Nov 30, 2017 19:11
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To whoever keeps eating my lunch: a pox on your cowardice! By the shimmering hook of the Rail King I will see you banished to a Shamed lodge if I ever catch you! I have friends on the council of bones, you don't even want to know. |
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Nov 30, 2017 19:15
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*An orc, staring at a rack of identical axes, perplexed and worried. He walks from one end to the other, clicking a keyfob in his hand. None of the axes respond." God loving dammit. Did someone steal my axe? Someone stole my axe. Unbelievable. Swear to Gruumsh I'm going to dropkick every one of these motherfuckers back into the spawning pools. crimes |
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Dec 1, 2017 06:54
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albany academy posted:Ow many times do I havta tells ya? You can't zog off before you crunch some humies, and you can't crunch some humies till ya've filled out sections 5, Other5, the empty one, and the "blood" subsection in the Zog Qualification Training application. And you've probably not done the Employee Handbook yet either, *pulls out book made of hands*, now go on, which hand d'yeh like least? lol!
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Dec 1, 2017 08:08
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canyoneer posted:Sucks that our department got laid off, but the good news is as part of the separation package they're sending us all the cobras we can eat for 3 months. got any sevens posted:minor problem: the cobras are still alive and full of venom That is the loophole. "All you can eat deadly venomous cobras" is zero cobras. Big orc-oprations screwing over the little goblin again.
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Dec 1, 2017 08:12
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WAAAAAAUGH never changes. Neither do these reports. |
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Dec 1, 2017 08:17
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hmm, orcs working here? i guess that makes you a byur ORC rat ha ha ha-*THWUNK* *gurgling sounds while clutching crossbow bolt in neck* *orc clerk uses crossbow to tap sign on wall that reads "ABSOLUTELY NO PUNS"* *takes a loud sip of grog out of a yellowed garfield mug* |
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Dec 1, 2017 08:26
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canyoneer posted:hmm, orcs working here? i guess that makes you a byur ORC rat ha ha ha-*THWUNK* goddamn it who let the imp in? |
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Dec 1, 2017 08:27
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canyoneer posted:hmm, orcs working here? i guess that makes you a byur ORC rat ha ha ha-*THWUNK* |
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Dec 1, 2017 08:28
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They've tried to slam sexual assault charges on uruk-hai uppers, but ... can someone articulate a joke that they just cut hteir heads off |
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Dec 1, 2017 08:57
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*written on a laminated placard near the gate* "This is our ortcullis, notice there's no P in it..." |
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Dec 1, 2017 09:24
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They hung up a "there's no I in team" poster but it is a literal reminder for the typists. |
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Dec 1, 2017 14:11
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lmbo calrissian posted:They've tried to slam sexual assault charges on uruk-hai uppers, but ... can someone articulate a joke that they just cut hteir heads off CEO Tak Grindtooth, "after troubling reports of tusk polishing in the work place I assure you heads will roll." Her assistant Farn da Choppa picks up her ax. |
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Dec 1, 2017 14:15
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"psst, hey glurk, what's going on?" "oh hey zogg, yeah, the warlord just got back from his business trip to the dread mines...he's kinda goin' full kobold I guess." "is he handing out...candles? what?" "yeah, and uh, don't get mad, but...he wants us to try using spears, too." "what!! I watched my buddies die face-down in mine dirt for nothing, then?! what's next, are we all gonna have to start saying 'yip yip yarp'?" |
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Dec 1, 2017 15:48
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you've all heard the sexual assault rumors involving some of our c-suite commanders. after a thorough investigation, we have determined that all the assaults were just the regular kind of assault, not sexual in nature. this behavior is fully in-line with our values, mission statement and the culture of fear we desire. |
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Dec 1, 2017 17:31
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"Hey did you hear? Marketing says we gotta rebrand and they put a bounty on a better name for Orsinium! I'm thinking... Orkite? Orchium? Orc...ids?" "Grimm-ka-grom, this here? This why you still in shipping..." |
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Dec 1, 2017 17:32
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"Sensitivity Training" but it's just teaching lady orcs how to kick aggressive males square in the testorclese.
crimes |
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Dec 1, 2017 18:00
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:Lady orcs I'm still unclear if orcs have gender, I must need more sensitivity training. Do orcs even have sex to harass with? |
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Dec 1, 2017 20:48
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:I'm still unclear if orcs have gender, I must need more sensitivity training. Do orcs even have sex to harass with? Yes But it'll never be on camera so we must treat it like another dimension |
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Dec 1, 2017 21:19
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:I'm still unclear if orcs have gender, I must need more sensitivity training. Do orcs even have sex to harass with? Orcs come in fungal, male, female, and butter garlic. |
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Dec 1, 2017 21:30
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lmbo calrissian posted:Yes i think you'll find Tommy Wiseau already has filmed several sex scenes ---------------- |
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Dec 2, 2017 00:58
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got any sevens posted:i think you'll find Tommy Wiseau already has filmed several sex scenes I did not hit her with a big axe! it's not true! oh, hi, Mork |
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Dec 2, 2017 02:37
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"It so nice to meet you, Okk. Have seat." "Thank you Vilechief RotTusk. It so nice to be here" "You resume very impressive, Okk. You intern in Count Torturo's Silver Dungeons. 3 blood moons raid man-lands beyond Ice Mountain, that nice. Speak gobbledygook, that very useful here." "Me also collect faeries dust from iron cages, many moons now. Know Faerie tongue okay." "Excellent. Show much initiative. Tell, what barrel-maker skills you have? "Err... firkin, cooper, and... keg plus plus. But me fast learner!" "Hrm, yes, well..." |
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Dec 2, 2017 03:07
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a reminder to our employees that just because someone appears to have orc ancestry, they may not actually speak Orcish or Black Speech and may be offended if you speak to them assuming they do please lead all interactions in Westron, and you should follow their lead and switch languages if they are more comfortable speaking something else |
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Dec 2, 2017 03:21
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"Honey I don't care what the realtor says, those are not regulation skull racks and it would cost a fortune to get a contractor in." "But its zoned for an excellent Blood Pit!" |
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Dec 2, 2017 04:42
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"Well, Mister Gurg, you have a very impressive resume and you are definitely qualified to work here. Unfortunately we can't hire you at the moment. According to current tax law if we take on any more grunts, we'd be required to construct an additional farm and that's just not in the budget right now. We'll give you a call if there are any openings in the meantime."
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Dec 2, 2017 08:44
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Whatsit you're doing grunt? No no, you attack them all one at a time like, or at most two or three. S'no fun if we all attack at once. |
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Dec 2, 2017 09:53
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*Warmaster Bone-eater conducts a surprise inspection. All the working group's equipment is dull, bent, and covered with rust. Team lead Snatchgibbet sighs with relief.* |
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Dec 3, 2017 03:47
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a dull knife is more dangerous
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Dec 3, 2017 07:31
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This post has spun me into an orc-playing tizzy on TW. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoSQh2CEPl0 Orc bureaucracy - deadly dangerous.
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Dec 3, 2017 18:07
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Thunder Moose posted:This post has spun me into an orc-playing tizzy on TW. Hah, I been playing Sanctus Reach! |
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Dec 3, 2017 19:28
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:Hah, I been playing Sanctus Reach! I'll need you to sign these "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH" forms in triplicate.
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Dec 3, 2017 19:37
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Birb Tusks, orcish inspector, "Excuse me, EXCUSE ME! This is a 900 point battle." Orc in a stolen tank, "Oh excuse me I thought this--" "You thought wrong. Now paint a giant skull on that and get out of my sight. And set something on fire; show some respect for yourself." |
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Dec 4, 2017 00:02
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In light of the recent E. Coli outbreak in Subhorde C, all garrisons, warbands, and warrens are hereby required to comply with the following hygiene restrictions. These measures are temporary and may be relaxed in the future. We apologise for any inconvenience they cause, but it is essential that all forces comply with these regulations. 1) All hollowed out enemy skulls are to be clearly marked as either goblets or chamber pots. "Dual-use" skulls are no longer permitted. 2) The following enemy organs are no longer permitted to be consumed raw on the battlefield: stomach, large intestine, small intestine, bladder, anus, penis, female penis. Please consult with your local licenced fleshgrinder for further details. 3) All thralls, pitbeasts, and scum are to be permitted no less than one 15 minute toilet break every 12 hours. 4) "The blood of our enemies" is no longer an acceptable alternate to soap and water for the mandatory annual bath. 5) All sexual contact with holes in the ground remains strictly prohibited. We appreciate your compliance with all regulations moving forward. If you need guidance or clarification on any of these guidelines, please consult your painmaster. Thank you all for your cooperation in these trying times. Remember, "usurping the throne of man" starts with "you." Warmest regards, Glinz Chodereaver, Filthwarden |
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Dec 4, 2017 01:48
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Duckbox posted:"usurping the throne of man" starts with "you." Mods please make this the thread subtitle. |
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Dec 4, 2017 03:39
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Captain Finker: "Alright boys! Enough waiting! We're marching all the way to Karak Marsh and smashing that pink skin castle to bits!" *cheers* Warchief Tumultz: "[sighing] No. We're not doing that." Captain Finker: "Sounds like the war chief is afraid, is it? What's so scary about a bunch of stone walls that some orcs can't deal with right and proper, eh?" Warchief Tumultz: "No, I'm not afraid. It's just we don't have no packaged food, provisions for the journey nor any siege engines to set up when we get there." Finker: "Pshah, we'll eat the flesh of our enemies along the way! We'll chop down trees as we go for our towers and catapults!" *cheers, rabid howls* Tumultz: "It's across 1600 miles of desert sand, devoid of all life." Finker: "Oi, afraid of a lil hike then? Whatshamatter, thirsty??" TUMULTZ grabs FINKER by the neck with a massive hand. "No. You need to watch the orientation video again. Sauron's six guidelines to success. #1: We can't win battles if we all die in the desert." |
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Dec 5, 2017 01:44
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:I'm still unclear if orcs have gender, I must need more sensitivity training. Do orcs even have sex to harass with? orcs can harass anyone with anything, they are unstoppable crimes |
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Dec 5, 2017 19:26
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joke_explainer posted:Captain Finker: "Alright boys! Enough waiting! We're marching all the way to Karak Marsh and smashing that pink skin castle to bits!" |
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Dec 5, 2017 19:58
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| # ? May 14, 2024 03:43 |
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"Hey, Ruffgutz Bloodeater, available to squish some elves friday?" "Sorry, Torlok Rectostabber, only qualified for humies and gnomes until my elf refresher next month." |
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Dec 8, 2017 12:50
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