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What if we get "intimate," I unzip my fly, and a jack in the box springs out? What if this OK Cupid profile is deceptive and she's not "a free spirit looking for adventure" but actually deceased political economist John Kenneth Galbraith? How many ferrets is too many to bring to a first date? What if my parents' catastrophic relationship and my own personal shortcomings make me incapable of healthy relations and also she's a 12 foot spider? |
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Dec 22, 2017 20:56
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What if I get reservations at a nice restaurant and a comet strikes the Earth? |
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Dec 22, 2017 21:03
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I'm not sure I'm emotionally ready for a tsundere. |
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Dec 22, 2017 21:04
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What if their dog is evil and knows I take the "pet approval test" seriously? |
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Dec 23, 2017 00:12
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:
Depends. Is your date a mouse or a rabbit? |
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Dec 23, 2017 00:14
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Is there a phone app that will show my dating points (dp) as I reply to her questions? I'm trying to do an any percent speedrun and seeing my score would really help with getting the sex ending.
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Dec 23, 2017 00:48
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what if the guy meets me for coffee, frowns disapprovingly, and holds up a pantone swatch to me and says "you are slightly paler than you look in your profile photo" and i never get to be a part of his skin suit? |
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Dec 23, 2017 01:02
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What if movie theater popcorn gives me brain parasites? What if she wants to watch a NASCAR race and the date takes 9 hours? "Does anyone have an instruction manual for dating, cause I could sure use one," I say with a grin, but I mean it and we both know I mean it. |
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Dec 23, 2017 03:09
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What if she only loves me for my kidneys.
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Dec 23, 2017 03:57
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What if she has bad taste in penises?
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Dec 23, 2017 03:58
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What if after we get married she takes out her teeth and puts them on the nightstand before giving me a insanely good bj like in that one movie.
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Dec 23, 2017 03:59
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What if she doesn't like that movie?
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Dec 23, 2017 04:00
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I don't want to sound paranoid, but what if I turn out to be a Martian? It would be very stressful to learn in the middle of a date. |
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Dec 23, 2017 04:00
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What if she is sexist and expects me to do things like paying.
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Dec 23, 2017 04:01
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drilldo squirt posted:What if she has bad taste in penises? What if he has GOOD taste in penises?
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Dec 23, 2017 04:01
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drilldo squirt posted:What if she has bad taste in penises? then maybe you should wash it
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Dec 23, 2017 04:02
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:I don't want to sound paranoid, but what if I turn out to be a Martian? It would be very stressful to learn in the middle of a date. What if this is mars. ---------------- |
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Dec 23, 2017 04:02
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:I don't want to sound paranoid, but what if I turn out to be a Martian? It would be very stressful to learn in the middle of a date. i mean the good news is she could always turn out to be a martian too!!!
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Dec 23, 2017 04:02
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Oh Drilldo! She doesn't want penises with good taste . . . she wants penises that taste good!
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Dec 23, 2017 04:03
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hamjobs posted:then maybe you should wash it I wash my penis every day. Sometimes more than once. ---------------- |
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Dec 23, 2017 04:03
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:What if we get "intimate," I unzip my fly, and a jack in the box springs out? 1. it's fine everyone's jack in the box spring is a different size and shape, so more than likely, if she's consenting, you'll get to play a rousing game of cornhole--everyone loves chuckin the bean bags in the hole 2. i hate to break this to you but all women are actually deceased political economist john kenneth galbraith but also ayn rand 3. why aren't you bringing the badgers you cheapass 4. nothing a round of therapy and having your insides liquefied then sucked out can't fix
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Dec 23, 2017 04:04
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drilldo squirt posted:I wash my penis every day. Sometimes more than once. then you should be good fam unless she's actually a marmoset at which point maybe you should like date on your level, you are not ready for a marmoset
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Dec 23, 2017 04:05
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Robot Made of Meat posted:Oh Drilldo! She doesn't want penises with good taste . . . she wants penises that taste good! My penis is both as it has a tie made out of black liquorice and a very tasteful suit made out of fruit by the foot. ---------------- |
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Dec 23, 2017 04:05
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drilldo squirt posted:My penis is both as it has a tie made out of black liquorice and a very tasteful suit made out of fruit by the foot. excuse me sir but is that a tin of fruit stripe in your pocket
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Dec 23, 2017 04:06
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Anyway I hope my date isn't actually a horse.
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Dec 23, 2017 04:07
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I thought I was having a panic episode in the bar but it turned out to just be a heart attack. |
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Dec 23, 2017 04:07
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hamjobs posted:excuse me sir but is that a tin of fruit stripe in your pocket Nice. ---------------- |
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Dec 23, 2017 04:07
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What if she's a "dog person," but like a six foot tall basset hound? |
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Dec 23, 2017 04:08
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what if everything goes perfectly fine and they want to take me out on a date again but also they're some sort of incorporeal sea alien that glows, as directed by James Cameron????
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Dec 23, 2017 04:08
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The waiter brought out a covered plate and I swear to God I thought their was a racoon in there.
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Dec 23, 2017 04:09
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i don't want to seem cheap, but what if she orders off the regular menu instead of the dollar menu? I guess it's ok, it is her birthday after all |
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Dec 23, 2017 04:09
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that wasn't a raccoon, you uncultured horse, that was a BADGER and i am NOT IMPRESSED by the men of this subforum AT ALL
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Dec 23, 2017 04:10
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what if she sends me a text like "ay girl wyd" and i'm like "nm bby send noods???" and then my phone begins dripping ramen broth and individual strands of noodles directly from fb messenger
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Dec 23, 2017 04:11
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What if I'm dead and I'm reliving the worst dates of my life.
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Dec 23, 2017 04:12
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What if this is hell?
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Dec 23, 2017 04:12
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It would explain the lack of free bread and butter.
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Dec 23, 2017 04:13
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what if i ask him what he does for a living and he's like "ha ha ha if i told you i'd have to kill you" but he means it in the dad joke way and not the covert assassin for hire way, also what if he's actually dead and i'm beginning to hallucinate from dehydration on this formerly verdant moon experiencing heat death
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Dec 23, 2017 04:13
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What if she thinks my heavily used life size Jane Fonda real doll is creepy.
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Dec 23, 2017 04:15
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What if she wont let Ms. Fonda into the bed with us?
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Dec 23, 2017 04:16
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why won't anyone date me???? i've been doing everything i know how including running up to men and screaming YOU ARE MARRIED TO ME I AM JESUS'S ONLY DAUGHTER like the book said to do but i mean i guess this diary i found on the bus probably doesn't have a complete dating advice picture
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Dec 23, 2017 04:21
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