Perfectly reasonable dating concerns

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Machai

The X-man cometh posted:

I call it "Porky Pigging" but my date calls it "Donald Ducking" so there won't be a second date.

When the date was over, did you tell her "Th-Th-The, Th-Th-The, Th-Th... That's all, folks!"

Then she got all mad and made angry duck noises.

# ? Dec 24, 2017 23:13

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# ? May 5, 2024 16:09

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

What if his favorite movie is Fight Club and he keeps explaining the concept of "being alpha" all night?

# ? Dec 24, 2017 23:41

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Everytime she kisses me she says,"No Homo"

# ? Dec 24, 2017 23:43

Bacon Taco: Now with extra narwhal meat!
HAIKOOLIGAN

What if her clitoris is like 8 inches long and veiny?

# ? Dec 25, 2017 00:42

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

She says she wants to do Uber but for dating whatever the hell that means.

# ? Dec 25, 2017 00:52

Mad Doctor Cthulhu

Bacon Taco posted:

What if her clitoris is like 8 inches long and veiny?

The weirdest and strangest Fight Club rule of them all. Kinda goes against the whole self-destruction thing.

# ? Dec 25, 2017 01:31

Tik Tok Tommy

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Everytime she kisses me she says,"No, Homo"

# ? Dec 25, 2017 04:15

Machai

I'm a European visiting America, should I tip my date? I never know when it is appropriate.

# ? Dec 25, 2017 13:47

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

hamjobs posted:

what if we're at a nice romantic dinner and she reaches for my hand with her hooked talon but i move it away too soon and then it's awkward and she bites my head off at the top of my cervical spine but just a little

hamjobs posted:

what if i don't laugh at his jokes because i'm actually a blender and do not have a full range of emotions, only ice crush and three speeds

blaise rascal posted:

What if she doesn't show up? What if she shows up a negative number of times? What if she shows up twice?

# ? Dec 25, 2017 22:34

The X-man cometh

hamjobs posted:

what if i don't laugh at his jokes because i'm actually a blender and do not have a full range of emotions, only ice crush and three speeds

You better not have lied and said you love liquefying on your profile.

# ? Dec 26, 2017 01:53

Machai

What if we have a good time and I walk her to her door and we stand there looking into each other's eyes and I go in for a kiss only to discover she turns back into a cactus at midnight so I just get a face full of needles?

# ? Dec 26, 2017 15:03

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

... and you're a javelina and you instinctually take a bite of the cactus, spines and all, p.much insuring there will be no second date

# ? Dec 26, 2017 15:20

Uxzuigal: Chill Berserker Dude

- My date turns out to be vegan... and I just pre-ordered a 2-person stuffed pig...

- It's always made me uncomfortable when my tinder date, 22SexyGirl shows up, turns out to be 44MuscleBear...

- Should I be worried when my date seems to be stabbing her thighs everytime I say something?

<3 <3 Vanisher

# ? Dec 26, 2017 15:23

HotSoapyBeard: I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN

What if she doesn�t have a skeleton like me and instead has some kind of jelly

# ? Dec 26, 2017 16:35

HotSoapyBeard: I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN

What if she is in on it just like everyone else creating the illusion of the world that is all just for me and I�m part of some sick tv show and nothing is real

# ? Dec 26, 2017 16:37

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

What if I take her on a walk through the park and the trees do a The Happening?

# ? Dec 26, 2017 16:42

9hotonic: (after hearing the library has games , i arrive at the front desk, disguised as a non-gamer)

"er.. im here for some.. book's"

what if we go out and get pizza and we're 20 minutes into eating pizza at this restaurant and they say "i'll take the salad". now I have a partner, two pizzas and a salad? this is too much responsibility

# ? Dec 26, 2017 16:47

Machai

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

What if I take her on a walk through the park and the trees do a The Happening?

they just start flopping everywhere?

# ? Dec 26, 2017 18:08

Uxzuigal: Chill Berserker Dude

My date is sitting on the table next to me, I've never seen her before, I don't know whom she is -and she seems to be eating food with a really big, black dude... Should I be worried?

<3 <3 Vanisher

# ? Dec 26, 2017 18:19

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

What if I'm unsure if the sample is from the northern or southern hemisphere and can't adjust for different atmospheric c12/c14 concentrations and it swings my apparent age estimate by 30 years?

# ? Dec 26, 2017 20:08

Duckbox

What if my date is an antiquities smuggler and she's only seeing me to construct an alibi while her secret twin sister who everyone thinks died of typhoid fever on holiday twenty years ago murders the old lady who caught her hiding a Babylonian frieze in her miniature grand piano and I have to answer a bunch of questions from a weird Belgian guy with a waxed mustache?

Do you think she'll still put out?

# ? Dec 26, 2017 21:52

Machai

canyoneer posted:

What if I'm unsure if the sample is from the northern or southern hemisphere and can't adjust for different atmospheric c12/c14 concentrations and it swings my apparent age estimate by 30 years?

Depends on age of consent laws in your laboratory

# ? Dec 26, 2017 23:02

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

What if she's a personified concept like Lady Liberty?

# ? Dec 27, 2017 04:18

The X-man cometh

Lady Luck is the perfect date.

# ? Dec 27, 2017 06:12

Duckbox

Uncle Sam will do all the weird stuff.

# ? Dec 27, 2017 07:42

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Duckbox posted:

Uncle Sam will do all the weird stuff.

what if i'm too into that and then uncle sam is like "i don't want YOU and YOU should leave" and i steal his tophat

# ? Dec 27, 2017 09:02

The X-man cometh

He bombs your family with a drone.

# ? Dec 27, 2017 18:24

Machai

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

What if she's a personified concept like Lady Liberty?

Lady Liberty is real. She's really tall and really French.

# ? Dec 27, 2017 19:01

Duckbox

What if my date says we should "go dutch" but I don't have any clogs?

# ? Dec 28, 2017 00:34

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

What if I forget how to walk?

# ? Dec 28, 2017 00:44

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

What if every bad thing I've ever done flashes through my mind all at once and blood comes out my nose?

# ? Dec 28, 2017 00:44

Farecoal: There he go

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

What if every bad thing I've ever done flashes through my mind all at once and blood comes out my nose?

UWBW posted:

Sir this thread is for funny jokes not real concerns.

# ? Dec 28, 2017 01:17

Olive!: It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

What if she's a mongoose? I'm a snake if that matters

# ? Dec 28, 2017 01:26

Senior Management

I heard this song called "Why Do Fools Fall in Love?" Does that mean that if I fall for this nice lady I am a big dumb moron? I don't want to be the fool here.

:jerry:

# ? Dec 28, 2017 01:29

Senior Management

What if she finds out that this is a date and not a business lunch with a new client?

:jerry:

# ? Dec 28, 2017 01:30

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

What if her belly button is an outty and since mine is an inny we hug and they get stuck and we gotta explain it to the medics

What if my safe word is a mortal insult and dishonors my family?

What if we go out on a date that involves a drive through a safari and a lion reaches through the door and drags her off and now I gotta deal with that poo poo the rest of my life?

What if she has to see me choke to death on a mouthful of breadsticks because I got nervous and chain-gobbled them down so I didn't have to talk and screw up the date and she's gotta deal with that poo poo the rest of her life?

What if we're both the victims of a homicidal cannibal maniac serial killer and we both gotta deal with watching each other get eaten to death and now we gotta deal with that poo poo for the rest of our (short) lives?

Remember the movie "Speed"? What if we somehow end up on that bus but Keeanu Reeves is nowhere to be found as that police officer but instead shows up as the "Bill and Ted" Keeanu and now we both gotta deal with THAT poo poo for the rest of our lives

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
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# ? Dec 28, 2017 01:37

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Splatmaster posted:

What if we go out on a date that involves a drive through a safari and a lion reaches through the door and drags her off and now I gotta deal with that poo poo the rest of my life?

# ? Dec 28, 2017 02:00

Senior Management

What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

:jerry:

# ? Dec 28, 2017 02:12

Twenty Four

This time of year, wondering if a little while ago I was looking at the old years calendar or new years calendar, a perfectly reasonable dating concern

# ? Dec 28, 2017 10:23

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# ? May 5, 2024 16:09

Machai

what if we go dancing and she has two left feet then gets kidnapped in the middle of the date by medical researchers?

# ? Dec 28, 2017 20:30

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Perfectly reasonable dating concerns

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