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2017 came and went and to be frank, just wasn't that good of a year for movies. There were plenty of diamonds in the rough, but overall the quality was just down. It was a bad year for everything else, and that meant even trying to escape the badness with mindless fantasy was a failure due to the poor quality of things to run off to. That meant a lot of things doing bad in the box office and studios scrambling to try to understand what was going wrong, none figuring out that the problem was the movies were bad. This was all in the midst of Disney continuing to snatch every franchise they can get their mouse paws on. Soon the entire box office will be Disney, and to criticize them will be a federal crime. But until that day when this thread is posted on a pirate BBS, we'll celebrate the bad and hope for the good! First The Hall of Shame! Unnecessary Sequels\Reboots - Too many sequels disguised as reboots to not make them part of the title Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales - Like the pirates in the first film, this franchise is cursed to walk the Earth for all time, but at least US audiences have tired Production Budget: $230 million Box Office: $172 million Despicable Me 3 - Everyone loves Minions and if you don't the Minions will get you! Production Budget: $80 million Box Office: $264 million Cars 3 - Pixar needed another cash infusion of toy sales to fund their other films and I'm perfectly fine with paying the Cars tax every few years for more Inside Outs and Cocos Production Budget: $175 million Box Office: $152 million Fifty Shades Darker - The male lead stalks the heroine into love and then nothing else happens the entire movie except a helicopter crash that is quickly ignored Production Budget: $55 million Box Office: $114 million Daddy's Home 2 - Mel Gibson is back, baby! Production Budget: $69 million Box Office: $102 million Blade Runner 2049 - This did bad at the box office despite being freaking awesome and one of my favorite films of the year. Blank checks given to good directors is a thing that will pay off cultural dividends even if it doesn't give monetary gain. Production Budget: ~$165 million Box Office: $91 million Flatliners - Bet you didn't remember this was in 2017 until you saw it here. Production Budget: $19 million Box Office: $16 million Pitch Perfect 3 - I guess we got to finish up this franchise. The Bellas all did that "Feeling too old for this" thing that action franchises do when their stars are pushing 60 but everyone here is canonically 23 so that was weird. Also John Lithgow is in it. Production Budget: $45 million Box Office: $67 million Alien: Covenant - Sometimes not knowing things is better than knowing things, nerds. Production Budget: $97 million Box Office: $74 million Baywatch - How a Baywatch movie was bad when 21 Jump Street gave them a perfect blueprint to follow, I'll never know. Production Budget: $69 million Box Office: $58 million The Dark Tower - Another failure that killed a franchise, which is now in a Schroedinger's box of maybe a tv series or movie reboot but maybe nothing again. Production Budget: $60 million Box Office: $50 million xXx: The Return of Xander Cage - Sure we killed him off in a short as revenge for abandoning the franchise, but he's back, baby! ::looks at box office:: Let's kill him off in a short again! Production Budget: $85 million Box Office: $44 million Ghost in the Shell - This film generated plenty of casting controversy but failed to generate money at the box office Production Budget: $110 million Box Office: $40 million King Arthur: Legend of the Sword - Guy Richie's film got rave reviews from a small segment of the audience and a loud hissing noise from the rest. Then no one else bothered with it. Production Budget: $175 million Box Office: $39 million Underworld: Blood Wars - Underworld became an underground franchise by how few people bothered to go see it. Production Budget: $81.1 million Box Office: $30 million The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature - What to say about a movie that aggressively taunts you with things that mean ejaculation in the title? Production Budget: $40 million Box Office: $28 million Rings - More Rings, less box office Production Budget: $25 million Box Office: $27.8 million The Fate of the Furious - I can't believe my favorite super heroes whose powers are cars franchise is going downhill, but it is. Also internal feuding has delayed the next one at least another year, while maybe fake but maybe not feuding caused drama in this one behind the scenes. Production Budget: $250 million Box Office: $225 million Junk that deserved better - They aren't failures but just sad, though YMMV Justice League - A hybrid film with multiple directors/visions, massive reshoots, a star with a CGIed face due to WB being a failure at contract negotiations, a generic villain, a great supporting cast that's partially wasted, and a legacy of bad movies that lead to a film with the most iconic movie characters together being dunked on by Thor 3 at the box office. Production Budget: $300 million Box Office: $226 million The LEGO Batman Movie - Too much of the joy of The Lego Movie was sapped away, and while this wasn't terrible, it was just disappointing for not living up to a legacy of greatness Production Budget: $80 million Box Office: $175 million The LEGO Ninjago Movie - Wait, there was another Lego movie in 2017? A movie so bland I forgot about it! Production Budget: $70 million Box Office: $59 million The Boss Baby - This didn't fail at the box office but in our hearts, for how could something like this do so well? Production Budget: $125 million Box Office: $175 million Murder on the Orient Express - What can I say about this film? Serious question because it is just bland. The controversy of someone being mad online because the Orient Express had no Asian people in it was more memorable than the film itself. Production Budget: $55 million Box Office: $100 million The Great Wall - Matt Damon battles CGI in ancient China Production Budget: $150 million Box Office: $45 million Bright - Orc Cop and Will Smith in a film written by an obnoxious jerk who assaults women, critics panned it so fast it just got more views, good job! Production Budget: $90 million Box Office: NetFlix, baby! Insane failures - Movies you will still be talking about years from now The Book of Henry - This is my nominee for movie of the year, a movie so ridiculous, so insane, it got the director fired from a major tentpole production and spawned a ton of awesome breakdowns of just how crazy this movie is. Production Budget: $10 million Box Office: $4.2 million Monster Trucks - a film delayed forever that should have been this generation's ET but instead became Eh... Production Budget: $125 million Box Office: $33 million Geostorm - A completely nuts film from start to finish that even fails to be completely nuts enough Production Budget: $120 million Box Office: $33 million Jeepers Creepers 3 - Somehow in 2017, the year all the sex scandals broke, a child molester got to direct another film Production Budget: Couldn't find it online Box Office: $2.3 million (very limited release) Transformers: The Last Knight - Transformers tripled down on the insanity for a film so weird even audiences said "Enough!", but not after giving them way too much money! Production Budget: $217 million Box Office: $130 million The Emoji Movie - Let's ape The Lego Movie but without any of the heart! Also the star is now revealed to be a rapist Production Budget: $50 million Box Office: $86 million Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets - This had the potential to be amazing but instead somehow was lifeless despite looking visually amazing. Will be rediscovered and studied for years, but for now it is jus the subject of lawsuits. Production Budget: $177 million Box Office: $41 million The Mummy - Not every film can be so bad it kills off an entire universe, but The Mummy is one of the few films that can claim that title! RIP Dark Universe (2017-2017) Production Budget: $125-195 million (that is a big gap, hm....) Box Office: $80 million The Snowman - Mr. Director you could have saved this movie, I gave you all the clues. Mainly a script that you didn't bother to finish. But that script also sucked, so maybe there was no saving this movie. I withdraw my complaint. Production Budget: $35 million Box Office: $6.6 million Shamebreakers that gained fame - Hey, not everything terrible was terrible! Colossal - A monster movie about abusive relationships? So weird yet so good! Production Budget: $15 million Box Office: $3 million Girls Trip - What seemed like a Bridesmaids copy turned into a film with almost universal praise! Production Budget: $27.7 million Box Office: $139 million Bleeding Steel - Jackie Chan battles cyborg goths in a star destroyer over magic blood in a film so ridiculous I can't help but love it and to convince others to see it! Production Budget: Couldn't find Box Office: Couldn't find And now, the Films of 2018 that may destroy us all! (at least until some of them get delayed) The Commuter - Liam Neeson gets Taken by a moral dilemma on a train. Condorito: La Pelicula - an animated movie about a bird man and his nephew who try and rescue the mother of the woman he wants to date from aliens. This was already released in South America so there's a chance someone here has seen it. Based on a popular comic character. 12 Strong - Patriotic: The Movie Fifty Shades Freed - the final chapter promises that something might possibly happen in this installment, but the pun about climaxes from the trailer might be better than the actual film. The 15:17 to Paris - literally the first synopsis of this movie I saw just said "terrorism". I hope that's not a description of the film's quality... Peter Rabbit - This seems widely divergent from the actual stories but almost brilliant in that way, then it becomes Bunny Home Alone. Maybe good? Maze Runner: The Death Cure - At least this franchise gets its final entry, much delayed due to the star getting hit by a car, and it sounds like they are merging the last two books or something. Probably dull but not a freak show. Samson - He's strong as hell and has long hair, thrill as Samson beats up a bunch of guys with a jawbone but then gets a haircut because of women and loses all his manliness. Alpha - A caveboy and his cavedog. Doesn't really look that bad, but I've only seen one trailer once and no promotion anywhere so not sure how this one will shake out. Death Wish - this movie gets more and more tone deaf the higher the police body count becomes A Wrinkle In Time - a 9-figure big budget feature with a diverse cast that could be a gigantic mess or could be secretly awesome. Potentially one of the most divisive films of the year. I want this to be good even though I didn't really care for the book as a child. Tomb Raider - Bland action adventures are all the rage but maybe this will break the mold. Thank goodness for MoviePass! Maybe someone will remake Womb Raider now... a horror film that still doesn't have a title yet - Titles are for closers, and this fits multiple horror films coming out this year, so I'll just give them one single entry for convenience sake! I Can Only Imagine - Christian films have expanded to not just be about Jesus or court trials about Jesus, but now about songs about Jesus. Sherlock Gnomes - Seems uninteresting except Johnny Depp is Sherlock Gnomes so suddenly it seems way more horrifying Pacific Rim 2 - As much as I want this to be good, it could easily not be at all. Please be good! God's Not Dead 3 - The rumors of God's death are greatly exaggerated again for the third time Ready Player One - The worst book in the history of Western Literature gets an adaptation by one of the best directors in what will probably be a gigantic clusterfuck with lots of reaction shots, but at least it will be well directed! Now excuse me while I get in my flying Speed Racer car with Tron wheels and Enterprise Computer Voice I got from Planet Roddenberry. Paul, Apostle of Christ - He wasn't even one of the main apostles, he came later well after Jesus was dead and wrote a lot of letters with sections people use to justify bad things. Honestly that's probably more why this got funded than anything else! Blockers - A movie with a premise so bad the trailer criticizes it, Blockers sees a group of parents trying to keep their teen daughters from having sex despite openly admitting they had sex at that age. Also there is butt chugging. Chappaquiddick - A big budget film version of the email forward your uncle keeps sending you despite Teddy Kennedy being dead and buried for almost a decade now. Also he should have been ruined over this incident. Overboard - Amnesia rape slavery is back in gender-swapped form! Rampage - this looks like corny fun in the sun! Super Troopers 2 - the sequel to this finally comes out, but will Broken Lizard finally be unbroken at the box office? Selfie Dad - There is a Christian movie called Selfie Dad coming out and why do I just think of those dad gimmick twitter accounts? Tully - Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody? Charlize Theron and Mark Duplass? I don't know what to think with this one Solo: A Star Wars Story - Fired directors, massive reshoots, major part recasting, and almost no promotional material. This sure sounds like a mess in the making. Prove me wrong, movie! Ocean's 8 - Girls just want to have cons Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - Dinosaurs vs. Volcano would have been a better title and a better movie. Maybe the new director will give this some personality. I Feel Pretty - Amy Schumer gets a head injury and thinks that she's hot. The thinkpieces just write themselves after that! Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation - Sure, why not? Alita: Battle Angel - Why does she have big eyes? Why does she have big eyes? WHY DOES SHE HAVE BIG EYES??????  Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again! - Okay, it's now Canon that Baby Driver is set in the Mamma Mia universe. Cher is grandma so maybe we'll get some good things from it. The Meg - I'll be in theaters watching this and still doubt it will ever get released. Gianter shark movie that has big shoes (fins?) to fill if it wants to live up to Shark Attack 3! Scarface - Surprise! Remaked again for a new generation to have a different poster on their wall in their dorms! Barbie - This still has a release date?? Not confident at all this will get released but who knows at this point. The Happytime Murders - Hell! Yeah! Can't! Wait! Robin Hood - I keep forgetting we're getting a new Robin Hood and audiences probably will, too. Venom - a Spider-Man-less Spider-Man movie. Yep. The Girl in the Spider's Web - Is this a sequel or a reboot or what? Is an adaptation of the book written after the author died with no returning cast so who knows. Dark Phoenix - The X-Men movies last hurrah before devoured by the maw of Disney, starring the most boring actress of the current reboot crop and retelling a story the franchise already did. I don't have much excitement for this one. The Nutcracker and the Four Realms - Disney has come to crack your nuts Dr. Seuss' The Grinch - The world needs a prequel to The Grinch because of, um... yeah! Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald - a great movie if you want to see J.K. Rowling defend Johnny Depp on twitter. Otherwise the prior film was only saved by the supporting characters and things might be diminishing returns at this point. Aquaman - he was not-terrible in Justice League so maybe? Bumblebee - They got one thing right:  Mary Poppins Returns - Rich kids need all the help they can get Prior threads: 2017 2016 2015 2014 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008 Tars Tarkas fucked around with this message at 19:36 on Jan 2, 2018 |
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Jan 2, 2018 01:38
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2017 was a pretty good year for movies.
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Jan 2, 2018 01:41
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Tars Tarkas posted:
May brain parsed these together and I'm sad it's not happening.
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Jan 2, 2018 01:44
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How did I miss the Scarface remake. I see the Coen brothers are involved. Maybe it won't be too bad. I like the De Palma movie but I don't think it's some sort of sacred movie that should never be remade.
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Jan 2, 2018 01:47
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I think you forgot we got two Lego movies last year with Lego Ninjago stinking up the screens in September.
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Jan 2, 2018 01:51
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Alien Covenant and LEGO Batman both owned op
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Jan 2, 2018 01:53
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I liked monster trucks. Really solid kids movie.
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Jan 2, 2018 01:59
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I feel like, because of how long it took for it to actually premiere, that I saw commercials for Monster Trucks airing for like two years up until the movie actually came out. I can't hate that movie, though. It tried its best.
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Jan 2, 2018 02:05
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CelticPredator posted:2017 was a pretty good year for movies. There were some really outstanding movies in 2017, just not as much of a plethora of super weird/interesting stuff coming out. There was stuff like The Shape of Water, which can be considered both weird and interesting, but I didn't exactly think it was good, just more weird than anything. And one of my 10 in 2017 wasn't even the new Fast & The Furious movie. It's a series I've adored for like 17 years now, but the new one just kinda came and went. I sorta forgot about it soon after it came out, which is a huge bummer considering how much of an impression previous movies in the series have left on me.
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Jan 2, 2018 02:07
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Posting to mark Calling Hunt for the Wilderpeople best movie 2k17 fight me and that was 2k16 fml I only just saw it
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Jan 2, 2018 02:13
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Also reiterating that Dark Tower with its leads had so much potential. Now ask anyone to try to remember wtf happened in it? Fell asleep much?
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Jan 2, 2018 02:16
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I remember reading that Sony were so confident that the Emoji Movie would be such an enormous hit for them that it would restore enough clout for them to renegotiate more favourable terms for their arrangement with Disney regarding the use of Spider-Man in Marvel movies or something like that. Don't know if that "millennial outreach" guy who proposed that Spider-Man should be a snapchatting, EDM-listening, tough muddering vegan for whom everything was N.B.D. was involved in reaching this conclusion, but he very well could have been.
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Jan 2, 2018 02:18
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Wheat Loaf posted:I remember reading that Sony were so confident that the Emoji Movie would be such an enormous hit for them that it would restore enough clout for them to renegotiate more favourable terms for their arrangement with Disney regarding the use of Spider-Man in Marvel movies or something like that. Did I post this in the last thread? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-01y2v4YnzY #1, I have become #2
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Jan 2, 2018 02:20
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I was hoping for the true correct grammatical form, Who Greenlote
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Jan 2, 2018 02:24
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Apparently that Freddie Mercury biopic that they've been working on for about 10 years at this point will be out on Christmas Day this year. I wonder when they'll announced it's being pushed back to 2020?
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Jan 2, 2018 02:26
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Angepain posted:I was hoping for the true correct grammatical form, Who Greenlote Who Greenlote sounds like a golf announcer.
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Jan 2, 2018 02:28
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Boy oh boy I cannot wait to use my new moviepass for all these terrible movies!
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Jan 2, 2018 02:31
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How did Justice League escape the unnecessary reboots list? It got rebooted while it was filming lol
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Jan 2, 2018 02:32
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Angepain posted:I was hoping for the true correct grammatical form, Who Greenlote Whom Greenelite
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Jan 2, 2018 02:42
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Terrorist Fistbump posted:Boy oh boy I cannot wait to use my new moviepass for all these terrible movies! Basically, learn from my mistake and only use it to see movies you think you'll enjoy. MoviePass rules, but using it to the full extent of its ability can also be a giant waste of time.
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Jan 2, 2018 02:44
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was resident evil the LAST chapter a raging success? e: actually it was the final chapter lol The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at 03:07 on Jan 2, 2018 |
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Jan 2, 2018 02:48
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Yeah I liked the Lego Batman Movies...shouldn't it be the Lego Ninjago movie that was the weird one that failed to capture the charm of the Lego Movie? Also where is Tom & Jerry Meets Willy Wonka on the list?
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Jan 2, 2018 02:52
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Rageaholic Monkey posted:When I first got MoviePass, it was in 2015. About a month after I got it, the only serious relationship I've been in in my adulthood that lasted several years ended. I had a lot of free time. What did I do with it? Why, go see every movie playing in theaters, of course! Whether it was garbage or good, I'd go see it just to occupy my time. I mean, you got to see Geostorm right? Rirse posted:Yeah I liked the Lego Batman Movies...shouldn't it be the Lego Ninjago movie that was the weird one that failed to capture the charm of the Lego Movie? Also where is Tom & Jerry Meets Willy Wonka on the list? I was going to say it doesn't have a box office because it's direct to video, but there's also Netflix films and other stuff in the OP so idk.
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Jan 2, 2018 02:53
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mycot posted:I mean, you got to see Geostorm right?
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Jan 2, 2018 02:56
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I have to point out that the two Vin Diesel moves mentioned in the OP are actually financial successes globally, especially F8.Rirse posted:Yeah I liked the Lego Batman Movies...shouldn't it be the Lego Ninjago movie that was the weird one that failed to capture the charm of the Lego Movie? Also where is Tom & Jerry Meets Willy Wonka on the list? Yeah, Lego Batman did way better than Ninjago.
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Jan 2, 2018 02:56
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is Jeepers Creepers 3 in the future?
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Jan 2, 2018 03:03
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Wheat Loaf posted:Apparently that Freddie Mercury biopic that they've been working on for about 10 years at this point will be out on Christmas Day this year. I wonder when they'll announced it's being pushed back to 2020? When Brian May has another hissy fit, so anytime now.
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Jan 2, 2018 03:04
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Oh, since Battle Angel Alita is up there, I should mention that a friend got a role in this as an extra. He and his girlfriend show up in the trailer, in the shot with Hugo getting off his bike, not being hard to miss because he's got a giant red mohawk you can see from space. Anyway, he said that he saw Salazar in the scenes he's in, in a mocap suit with a facial rig on, so she's pretty much completely CGI and not a mix of practical and VFX makeup and costuming.
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Jan 2, 2018 03:11
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Angepain posted:I was hoping for the true correct grammatical form, Who Greenlote Whom'st'd've'ed Greenlottened 2018
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Jan 2, 2018 03:15
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Blade Runner 2049 only made $91mil domestically? What a goddamn shame.
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Jan 2, 2018 03:32
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Sirotan posted:Blade Runner 2049 only made $91mil domestically? What a goddamn shame.
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Jan 2, 2018 03:39
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Rageaholic Monkey posted:I'm prob gonna buy it on digital and on Blu-Ray. Not that that'll completely make up for it, but I loved that movie so goddamn much that I want to support it any way I can. BR2049 owned, it's going to be my first 4K/UHD purchase.
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Jan 2, 2018 03:44
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Condorito was released at the same time as Coco in my country  , so no matter how beloved the main character is it got obliterated in the Mexican box office. I haven't seen it, by the way. So I'm not sure how faithful is to the old as gently caress comics (that are still releasing).
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Jan 2, 2018 03:53
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Desperado Bones posted:Condorito was released at the same time as Coco in my country Did the movie ¡PLOP!?
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Jan 2, 2018 03:57
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CelticPredator posted:2017 was a pretty good year for movies. Also I hope the Venom movie is good despite having everything going against it, I just love Tom Hardy especially in roles where he plays batshit insane people
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Jan 2, 2018 03:59
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Young Freud posted:Oh, since Battle Angel Alita is up there, I should mention that a friend got a role in this as an extra. He and his girlfriend show up in the trailer, in the shot with Hugo getting off his bike, not being hard to miss because he's got a giant red mohawk you can see from space. I'm cautiously optimistic for Battle Angel Alita since I loved the manga and this is supposedly a passion project for Cameron and Rodriguez, but man was the all CGI main character was a misstep. I get that they're deliberately going for the uncanny valley thing, but it feels like the big eyes thing has memefied itself.
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Jan 2, 2018 04:05
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Just cause movies are good doesn't mean they aren't considered failures, I loved the new Blade Runner and it will probably stick with me more than anything else this year, but many people didn't bother so it still makes the list.CelticPredator posted:2017 was a pretty good year for movies. 2017 was bad for movies, it feels better because of the end of the year dump of good movies, but even the more reliable franchises were bad and the less reliable ones were worse, and there were long stretches without much very good going on. Marvel movies are making top ten lists from movie snobs who spend all their time bashing Marvel films, that's how bad 2017 was. FCKGW posted:I think you forgot we got two Lego movies last year with Lego Ninjago stinking up the screens in September. Wheat Loaf posted:I remember reading that Sony were so confident that the Emoji Movie would be such an enormous hit for them that it would restore enough clout for them to renegotiate more favourable terms for their arrangement with Disney regarding the use of Spider-Man in Marvel movies or something like that. lol I hope this is true! AdmiralViscen posted:How did Justice League escape the unnecessary reboots list? It got rebooted while it was filming lol Rirse posted:Yeah I liked the Lego Batman Movies...shouldn't it be the Lego Ninjago movie that was the weird one that failed to capture the charm of the Lego Movie? Also where is Tom & Jerry Meets Willy Wonka on the list? I mostly left out direct to video stuff (except for Bright because it's basically a big budget film with a weird distribution model) because otherwise I'd have to list 20 Lifetime movies and like 100 Hallmark Christmas movies. And I don't think the Willy Wonka toon will reach Foodfight! levels of notoriety in the future. Unfortunately I'm way behind on Lifetime film watching in 2017 so can't give a good balanced look on which movie about crazy relatives or internet murders is the best. My vote is Double Mommy probably has the best weird premise of 2017 (she's pregnant with twins, but one is a rape baby and the rapist wants to kill her and the baby to cover his tracks!)
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Jan 2, 2018 04:05
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Selfie Dad is almost certainly about that weird dad who recreates his daughter’s selfies on Twitter and I absolutely hate that I’m probably right about that.
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Jan 2, 2018 04:06
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Wasn't there a Netflix movie released this yearthat the Netflix twitter just flat asking why someone keeps rewatching it?
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Jan 2, 2018 04:07
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I love that The Snowman ran out of time and money so they didn’t even film the whole script. I think that is unheard of for a movie with that many A/B list actors
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Jan 2, 2018 04:08
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