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WELCOME TO MLS, WHERE THE RULES ARE MADE UP, THE POINTS DON'T MATTER, WE ALL WEAR WHITE AWAY, AND THERE IS NOTHING ELSE OF IMPORT HAPPENING THIS SUMMER NO SIR It's Friday, March 2, 2018, and tomorrow begins the 23nd Major League Soccer season, the top mens' league in the US and Canada. 23 years means 23 teams: Bob Bradley is a necromancer who resurrected Chivas USA into LA FC and got them the black jerseys to go with their status as the Team of the Undead. Speaking of undead, Donovan unretired and is playing in Mexico because why the gently caress not. DC opens their stadium this season, and while they may not have the RFK punk squat anymore, they got the fan club drama already at peak levels. Columbus Crew owner Anthony Precourt decided to surprise everyone at playoff time with the news he wants to move the team to Austin in 2019, an idea everyone except Precourt himself thinks is purestrain bullshit. Offseason involved the usual roundup of player transactions, retirements (adeus, Chuck D), coach changes, and furious googling of obscure Latin American imports. US Soccer has a new president, but not a permanent new men's head coach. I moved to a new apartment and did not realize just HOW GODDAMNED MANY SCARVES my household has acquired over the past sixteen years.  also sixteen years in the making And the Philadelphia Union are a team that exists. ... WHAT'S AT STAKE Trophies and tournaments to be won, besides MLS Cup: CONCACAF Champions League (er, places to play that next year 'cause uh), Multilevel Marketing Canadian Championship, Supporters' Shield, US Open Cup. All-Star Game is in Etlanna with opponent TBD. I heard Mexico, Panama, and Costa Rica are touring Russia this summer, some sort of goodwill tournament. ... WHAT'S ON TV Nationally, Fox networks, ESPN networks, Univision networks, and TSN/RDS networks. Don't speak Spanish for Univision? They're doing an SAP English audio option, although you miss a lot of fun of inane Spanish language chatter and player middle names. How you get those channels is up to you, your cable/satellite/internet provider, and your favorite computer herpes-riddled pirate stream site. Locally and online, MLS Live, which is traditionally a free preview over opening weekend. There's an ESPN+ deal taking over later, but right now it's still good ol' MLS Live. In Canada, DAZN is your new streaming source. There's a streaming deal in China now, too! League TV and streaming schedule with instructions on how to use SAP ... SHOULD I GET MLS LIVE? If you only care about your team, and you have cable, your team gets a lot of national coverage, and/or your team's local feed is blacked out, no. If you are a giant nerd--which you are, because this is MLS--and you like to watch any old game that's on, you're a cord-cutter, or you're a big fantasy player, yes. You won't get any Fox, ESPN, Univision games on it, and a few teams still black out games that are covered locally, but otherwise, I'm a fan. ... SHOULD I GO TO A GAME? Hell yes. If you've got an MLS, NWSL, USL, PDL, NCAA, etc team in your area, get out to a game if at all possible. It ain't gonna be Bayern Munich vs Barcelona, but you'll have a good time and meet fun people. Likewise, if there's folks in your neighborhood who meet up at a bar for viewing parties, drop on by. The best way to experience American soccer is to show up and have a good time. ... WHAT'S IN THIS THREAD News, views, discussion, running jokes, and CascadiaChat about MLS. Probably gonna see some NWSL. USL/PDL, whatever lower divisions, get their own thread. NCAA soccer chat--Tomorrow's Draft Picks and Waiver Claims Today!--might show up in the fall, might not. Why MLS is/is not bad, why Europe/Latin America is better, why don't we have promotion/relegation, and what expansion means to you are definitely new and exciting topics we're all dying to hear about. Live weekly or monthly in-game threads for your game day OH loving HELL commentary will be posted separately. Fantasy league TEAM CREST HERE REFERENCES: MLS AIN'T JUST A LEAGUE, IT'S A DEGREE Boys Girls RIP Breakers Schedule, boys Schedule, girls Transactions Du Nord, Soccer Insider, The Equalizer and everybody's on twitter, instagram, snapchat these days for your social media needs ... The coolers are packed. The jerseys are bought. The banners are painted. The mohawks are bleached. The chainsaws and muskets are oiled. The cannons are loaded. The stars have aligned. Let us celebrate the opening of the 2017 MLS season with the adding of chocolate to milk and the team intros and running jokes to this thread.
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Mar 3, 2018 00:17
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Let’s go The New York Red Bulls! Also New York wore white shorts with the white top vs Olympia. I wonder if this is there new thing? All white home all red away?
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Mar 3, 2018 00:25
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Hoover Dam posted:And the Philadelphia Union are a team that exists. [*]citation needed
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Mar 3, 2018 00:28
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Yay, finally get to post this: Seattle Sounders FC  Inventors of Soccer Established Home Stadium: CenturyLink Field "The Clink"  Yes, we share it with the Seahawks. No, we're not building a SSS. We already pack in 40k+ every game and trying to get a new stadium built in Seattle proper is a loving mess (see: Supersonics, RIP) Our training grounds/USOC venue is Starfire Sports Complex in Tukwila. It's very..."cozy", but it's better than playing in Yankee Stadium. Ownership Adrian Hanauer (majority owner, owned the USL Sounders and was our first MLS-era GM), Joe Roth (Hollywood producer of classics such as The Jerky Boys Movie), Paul Allen (owns CLink and whatever parts of Seattle that Amazon doesn't), Drew Carey (knows the value of the Showcase Showdown) In addition to the real owners, season ticket holders elect an Alliance Council of fans that is consulted on FO decisions. From people on the Council, it's not been much besides a focus group, and they've not had the control some have wished. Season ticket holders also get to vote on the GM every 4 years. Coaching Staff  Head Coach Brian Schmetzer (seen here with his NASL Sounders jersey): All hail Schmetz  General Manager Garth Lagerway: Not related to Chris Christie...I hope Team Likely Starting XI  4-2-3-1 like almost everyone in MLS is doing, but we have been experimenting with the a diamond 4-4-2 (which was our bread and butter not too long ago). Will probably see quite a bit more use with Morris out (  )2017 Schedule Why should I post all of that here? It's on the web. 2017 Recap Regular Season: Didn't come close to competing for the Shield (thanks Toronto), but did manage to take #2 in the West on the last matchday with a respectable 53 points, a 5 point/2 seed improvement over last year. Started off super-duper slow (2-5-4), but turned it around with a 6-0-7 run towards the end of the season. Missed out on the #1 seed only by the first tie breaker of wins (15 vs. 14). Highlights include going down 3-0 to New England at home...then scoring 3 goals in the last 15' to walk away with a point, going down 3-0 to DC at home then becoming the first team in league history to win a game after a 3 goal deficit, going down a goal and a man at Portland at halftime before Clint Dempsey headed in the equalizer in stoppage time (you could've heard a pin drop after that went in...unless you were in our corner of the stadium  ) and putting together a 400+ minute shutout streak. That 13 game unbeaten run was great and all, but there were a lot of ties in there, some of which should have been wins.Lowlights include our record against the East (2-5-4), giving up a 13 minute hat trick to Gerso in KC, and getting last place in the Cascadia Cup by virtue of GD (everyone got 9 points, but GD was +1, 0, -1 Vancouver, Portland, Seattle). Playoffs: Thanks to being the #2 seed, got to bypass the knockout round, facing Vancouver in the semis. They went down 2-0 thanks to a Dempsey brace at home (preceded by a snoozefest in Vancouver). In the conference finals Houston felt content to play us on Hard Mode, picking up (deserved) red cards in both legs, losing 2-0 in Houston and 3-0 in Seattle. While the MLS Cup Final was a rematch from last year, the result was unfortunately not, as Seattle's league record 714 minute postseason shutout streak (dating back to the leg 1 of the conference finals from last year) came to an end as Toronto picked up 2 goals and Seattle scored...2 less than that...at least we got some shots on goal this time!... The better team won that day and anyone who says otherwise took more knocks to the head than Twellman. US Open Cup: Lost to San Jose in the 2nd match. Mostly fielded B-teams. Shrug. CONCACAF Champions League: Due to the format change of the tournament, we're just now playing from a berth we earned in 2016. Good news: we made it to the quarterfinals, besting Salvadorian side Santa Tecla 5-2 on aggregate; Chivas de LigaMX aways us. Bad news: Jordan Morris tore his ACL at the end of the away leg and is out for the season. That kinda blows since our only other speedster plays LB. Developmental teams The Sounders also have a second team that plays in USL, with the creative name of Sounders 2 (or S2). It was announced that the team would be re-branded and move to nearby-ish Tacoma, with the business operations handled by the AAA Tacoma Rainiers. However, as part of USL's efforts to get permanent Division II status in the US Soccer pyramid and the venue requirements that come with it, the move was accelerated to be done for the 2018 season. There's also an U-23 team that plays in the PDL, and U18, U16, U15, and U14 youth academies. Notable Arrivals: 2017 Midseason
2018 Offseason
Notable Departures
History The name "Seattle Sounders" was first used as the name for an expansion team for the 1974 season of the original NASL. They made it to the Soccer Bowl twice, but never won. The name was revived for an A-League/USL team in 1994, where they managed to win 4 league championships despite having an orca for their mascot. In 2007, MLS awarded an expansion slot to Seattle, essentially "promoting" the USL team. Despite including the USL owner, the owners wanted to rename the team to get away from the "minor league" Sounders name. They offered up Seattle Alliance, Seattle Republic, and Seattle FC because someone must have been a huge Force Dork. The fans wrote in Seattle Sounders, and the owners acquiesced, only adding on an FC to the name. Seattle Sounders FC started playing in MLS in 2009, the invention of soccer. Since then they have done quite well at winning, making the playoffs every year, finally winning the MLS Cup (which they also invented, btw) in 2016 and Titles
Notable former Sounders
Rivalries
Fans / Media
Why you should invest heavily into the Sounders FC:
Sounders Goons:
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Mar 3, 2018 00:38
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) after another round of China Super League's "uh...we need less foreigners coming for just a paycheck" reduction of international slots. I didn't think it was possible for this team to have a CB under the age of 30, but here we are.
, but thanks to the CSL's very sudden "we shouldn't have so many foreigners" rule, he came back to MLS...to Vancouver. Thankfully he didn't score on us in the playoffs, otherwise I would've needed a new monitor. Is now back with Sporting CP.
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soccer is back
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Mar 3, 2018 00:39
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I don't think MLS in Austin is purestrain bullshit. Then again, I am a bit biased (being an Austintie).
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Mar 3, 2018 00:43
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Wanted to quote my boy Fancy from the other thread, but Hoover went & locked it before I could. "Charlie Davies retired today. He was a bitch." He tried to "rescue" one of my best friends, from her sorta boyfriend when they were shithoused in a bar in Philly last year. She still will randomly start laughing about it.
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Mar 3, 2018 00:44
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whypick1 posted:Rivalries quick note- Timbers achieved a goal within 27 seconds to earn the cup whereas the Sounders couldn't pull a single shot on goal in two finals cool ok back into the woodwork; who is gonna do a Timbers writeup?
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Mar 3, 2018 00:52
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Revs have blackout policy this year 
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Mar 3, 2018 01:05
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the escape goat posted:quick note- Timbers achieved a goal within 27 seconds to earn the cup whereas the Sounders couldn't pull a single shot on goal in two finals cool ok back into the woodwork; who is gonna do a Timbers writeup? I feel like you just handled it.
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Mar 3, 2018 01:53
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Just saw a kid in the Bangkok airport wearing an RSL shirt.
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Mar 3, 2018 02:21
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Edward Mass posted:I don't think MLS in Austin is purestrain bullshit. Then again, I am a bit biased (being an Austintie). Austin couldn’t support the Aztex. Orlando thanks you.
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Mar 3, 2018 02:38
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XBenedict posted:Austin couldn’t support the Aztex. Orlando thanks you. 
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Mar 3, 2018 02:44
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Jovial Cow posted:Let’s go The New York Red Bulls! Also New York wore white shorts with the white top vs Olympia. I wonder if this is there new thing? All white home all red away? I would like the Red Bulls to wear loving red at some point. 90% of the teams in MLS wear red or blue and no one cares about Columbus except Austin and gently caress Cascadia with a rusty screwdriver.
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Mar 3, 2018 03:01
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 Orlando City Soccer Club Home Field: Orlando City Stadium Nickname: The Lions Head Coach: Jason Kreis Notes from Last Season: • At the beginning of the season OCSC spent about 1 week at the top of the table. • By the middle of the season the team was still in the hunt for the playoffs. • The end of the season saw OCSC once again left out of the post-season. New for This Season: • Kaka is gone. • Top scorer for past 3 seasons (Larin) is gone. • Lots of fairly awful players were let go or traded away. • Signed 2 new DPs. Notable Players Still With The Team From Last Season: • Joe Bendik – GK – Still a fan favorite • Jonathan Spector – CB – He really held things together, the defense was awful without him • Dom Dwyer – F – Mid-season acquisition, has history with the USL team • Yoshimar Yotún – M – Mid-season acquisition, also a DP Notable New Players: • Sacha Kljestan – M – Signed from the Red Bulls, USMNT player, given DP status • Josué Colmán – M – Young DP (19 years!) signed from Paraguay Major Accomplishments: *none* Season Goals: Seriously, still trying to make that first trip to the playoffs.
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Mar 3, 2018 04:31
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This is Philly's year, I know it
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Mar 3, 2018 05:00
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New York Red Bulls The best team in the east. The best stadium in the league. The only real new york team despite playing in New Jersey. Cheap tickets good tailgating and fun attacking soccer. Players - Luis Robles is a good MLS keeper, Bradley Wright Phillips is the least heralded striker in the league who works his rear end off and never stops scoring, and Felipe is one of the best poo poo stirrers in the league. Aside from the old guard we produce good youth talent and Etienne and Adams will hopefully continue their progression. We splashed money on good south americans in the summer following the new MLS paradigm. Our new Argentine winger Gamarra looks to be the real deal and the Venezuelan youth Casseres hopefully lives up to his hype. 
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Mar 3, 2018 05:26
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I might do a DC write up tomorrow depending on how bored I am, and god there’s so much to say and god none of it is optimistic
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Mar 3, 2018 06:08
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Seltzer posted:New York Red Bulls I don’t think either of these are true... Seltzer posted:The only real new york team despite playing in New Jersey. But this sure as hell is.
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Mar 3, 2018 06:24
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Atlanta have basically the same squad as last year, but with Barco replacing Asad and Nagbe instead of Carmona. I'm sure they'll score a lot of goals and probably be pretty shaky at the back. Unfortunately Barco is going to miss the first 6 weeks of the season.
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Mar 3, 2018 08:09
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Seltzer posted:and Felipe is one of the best poo poo stirrers in the league. Ummmm..... https://twitter.com/WhitecapsFC/status/969679687919300610
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Mar 3, 2018 09:29
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 Never forget.
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Mar 3, 2018 17:03
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more like never fuggedaboudit
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Mar 3, 2018 17:40
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This poo poo starts in an hour!
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Mar 3, 2018 17:54
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ugh i havent even left the house
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Mar 3, 2018 18:01
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Lol. I honestly forgot. Well, the fact remains.
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Mar 3, 2018 18:09
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El Jebus posted:This poo poo starts in an hour! Post about it here!
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Mar 3, 2018 18:31
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The funniest part of following the revs is that we can follow the uprising at the same time and bemoan Kraft's ownership.
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Mar 3, 2018 23:39
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Geez, two players are suspended 3 games for offensive language during a closed-door scrimmage... ...must have called each other "cocksucker" a bunch...
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Mar 4, 2018 00:45
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The Quakes play a game tonight without lovely haircut man David Bingham to allow easy goals in. Hail satan
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Mar 4, 2018 01:40
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whypick1 posted:Geez, two players are suspended 3 games for offensive language during a closed-door scrimmage... lmao fafa you twit
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Mar 4, 2018 02:16
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Guys, Opening Day has been 
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Mar 4, 2018 03:25
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 Team Name Houston Dynamo Year Founded 2006  Manager Dominic Kinnear, known for his gentle and soft-spoken nature.    Uniform Home - Orange/White, Away - White/Orange, Third - Blood Orange.     Houston Dynamo get in the bin! Stadium BBVA Compass Stadium in downtown Houston, TX    BBVA Compass Stadium is a soccer-specific stadium in Houston. The stadium opened on May 12 in the 2012 Major League Soccer season and cost $95 million. The stadium has a capacity of 22,039. The primary tenant is the Houston Dynamo of Major League Soccer. The venue also hosts Texas Southern University football games. The stadium is located southeast of Minute Maid Park—within the East Downtown district (which is undergoing revitalization efforts) and east of Downtown Houston. The stadium was nicknamed "The Oven," due to the Houston warm and humid climate, which makes it difficult for other teams to play in. From 2006 through 2011, the team has played in 32,000 seat Robertson Stadium at the University of Houston. This stadium was home, but it left much to be desired. Significant Achievements
Historical Rivalries
Supporter's Groups
  Notable Former Players
Notable Current Players
Wait, I thought Brian Ching was a former Dynamo player I think G-Hawk summed it up best. G-Hawk (before the 2012 season) posted:A new team is being made so there is an expansion draft where every current team can only protect a certain number of their players and the new team gets to pick players from current teams. Houston Dynamo left Brian Ching available even though hes the face of the franchise because hes old and makes a lot of money so it was assumed montreal would not pick him. Montreal pick him in an attempt to force Houston to trade a good player to Montreal in order to get Brian Ching back. Houston then tries to sign Kris Boyd but fails to do so most likely because Houston is hot as gently caress. Portland signs Kris Boyd but has to compensate Houston with a 2013 draft pick, which is used to pick graduating college soccer players, because Houston tried first. Montreal then finds a "DP" player, a designated player they want to sign which means they're allowed to make more money than other players but still take up 400k. To do this Montreal wants to trade Brian Ching's big contract back to Houston. Houston wants him back but not the big contract, so Brian Ching asks the players union to renegotiate his deal to make less money with the implicit guarantee that when he retires he will make that money anyway as a front office member of Houston. This is all approved, and Houston trade the draft pick they got from Portland for trying to sign Kris Boyd to Montreal for Brian Ching with a newly reduced salary. Playing style Houston has a reputation around the league as a physical team, due in part to having many six-footers who elbow and jockey for position inside the box on incoming set pieces from the foot of Brad Davis. If the Dynamo can find a way to reliably put scoring threats on the end of Davis' set pieces like in 2006-08 and 2011, then the Dynamo are likely to go deep into the playoffs again. 2010 was a poor year for the Dynamo, but other than that, the team always finished the year high in the standings. Houston's two MLS cups arrived on the back of very stingy defenses. Coach Dominic Kinnear loves playing 4-4-2 with outside backs making deep runs into enemy territory. Last year, he broke with tradition and switched to a 4-3-3 in the summer with good results. Kinnear will use the US Open Cup tournament and any international games as opportunities to play reserve players and focus his attention on the push to the playoffs. Thoughts on the Current Roster Brad Davis and Brian Ching are the only remaining players from the 2006 championship team, along with Ricardo Clark who has returned to the Dynamo. Tally Hall, Bobby Boswell, Corey Ashe, Adam Moffat, Will Bruin, Jermaine Taylor and Boniek Garcia all stand to be major contributors and once again, the team will be looking to cash in on the fruits of Brad Davis' set piece skill. Boniek Garcia controls the right wing like no Dynamo player has since Brian Mullan. Omar Cummings is the big mystery. He has the skill and has shown results in the past, but we have to see if he can thrive under Kinnear's system. If he can, then he's a solid replacement for the injured Calen Carr. A recent pickup has been Andy Driver from Hearts of Midlothian. He's on loan with an eye toward bringing him in permanently in the long term if he works out. He will be one to watch to see if he's worth going after. Thoughts on the Previous Season 2012 marked the opening of the Dynamo's new home at BBVA Compass Stadium in downtown Houston. The team celebrated by not losing a single home game all year. In fact, as I write this, they have still never lost a game there in all competitions. It was a year that started well, hit the doldrums in late summer, and then rebounded in a huge way. The Dynamo scraped into the playoffs as the 5th seed, but fought their way past Chicago, Kansas City, and DC to yet another MLS Final in LA against the Galaxy. And then they lost again. Boniek Garcia was a huge pickup in the summer and Kinnear broke from his monogomous relationship with the 4-4-2 to try a fling with the 4-3-3. It worked really well. Then when things dried up, he switched right back and never really missed a beat. Thoughts on the Upcoming Season As MLS Cup runners up and without a loss at home in 2012, teams will not be very excited to play in Houston (not that they were anyway--Houston has only ever lost 17 regular season home games) The Dynamo have all 11 of its 2012 MLS Cup starters under contract and aside from Calen Carr's injury, they are all ready to go. They open at home once again against DC United on March 2nd and have a CCL game against Santos Laguna shortly thereafter. I expect them to start decently, work quietly through the summer, and then surge into the playoffs just like they always do. Compare your team to a famous world team Stoke City SA Forums representatives
Supporter Shenanigans    * Terms and conditions apply. Void where prohibited.
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Mar 4, 2018 03:32
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Wicka
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Holy poo poo Hungryjack. That's like 5 years old. The current players section is amazing.
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Mar 4, 2018 03:41
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B.B. Rodriguez posted:Holy poo poo Hungryjack. That's like 5 years old. The current players section is amazing. I like the section about Chivas USA being a rival.
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Mar 4, 2018 03:43
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B.B. Rodriguez posted:Holy poo poo Hungryjack. That's like 5 years old. The current players section is amazing. I found an old file in my Dropbox called "Dynamo 2013 Team Writeup.txt" and nobody had written one for Houston, so there ya go.
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Mar 4, 2018 04:05
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Hungryjack posted:I found an old file in my Dropbox called "Dynamo 2013 Team Writeup.txt" and nobody had written one for Houston, so there ya go. They’ll hire you in DC for effort like that.
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Mar 4, 2018 05:26
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Took my daughter to her first (and my first game last night) and we had a blast. We got to see both Union goals and I even found twenty bucks on the ground. The club seats I got off line were amazing and we only paid $80 for both of them (and it was great for warming up in the Trumark Club). We'll definitely be going to more in the future.
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Mar 4, 2018 14:06
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Hungryjack posted:I found an old file in my Dropbox called "Dynamo 2013 Team Writeup.txt" and nobody had written one for Houston, so there ya go. The Kenny Dalglish is a racist bit was a dead giveaway.
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Mar 4, 2018 14:45
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i miss all (well, most) the dynamo players listed there otoh we won 4-0 yesterday so i guess thats cool too
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Mar 4, 2018 19:46
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