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I've been working on this one for a few weeks and could use some feedback; I'm at the point where I feel like I can't judge e.g. pacing and voice because I've got it close to memorized. It's about 6000 words. Here's the link to the Google Doc. Comments are enabled. I'm especially interested in whether the voice works, but suspect there might not be enough hooks early on, too.
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May 2, 2018 20:49
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| # ¿ May 22, 2024 09:11 |
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Mrenda posted:[...] If the message is about justice, which you explicitly make, then I do have doubts about the efficacy of the voice. There's a detached style to it, as though recounting a story from a distant past, that removes the immediacy of any effect. I was left thinking how this woman's life was changed in the intervening yeas, seeing as this is a story they chose to tell, and so must have some significance. If it is a simple tale about the consequences of survival and the harshness of chance then I'd prefer to feel embedded in the voice that's telling it. It needs to be a bit more visceral, more emotional, more introspective. The voice for me was one as if telling a grand fable, but I didn't get any meat of that in the story. The voice promised lofty thought, which the story didn't deliver, or at least the message of the story. There was little perspective, awareness or self-knowledge to it. Thanks for this. FWIW, I think your criticism is spot on.
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May 3, 2018 16:21
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Mrenda posted:My pleasure. Despite what I said I enjoyed the story. It's better and more memorable than many I've seen published. Thanks. Your feedback gave me some clarity. What I thought was a problem with voice is actually also a problem with the narrator's framing. Without knowing who she is as a storyteller -- why she's telling the story at this moment, what she learns by telling it, and how she reflects on her past actions -- there's no sense of her emotional, psychological, or intellectual development. In a story that's about her relationship to cruelty and justice and so on, those self-revelations are really the payoff. Does that sound about right?
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May 3, 2018 19:55
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