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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DB5GGaJO_4WPctp4tHWcO31aw6C7Jn7iQDXCzWP7dW0/edit?usp=sharing Oy. I've gone over this story several times. It's a part of a larger series of stories and is meant to be a "light" introduction to it. I'm getting back into writing and this story has been a WIP for many-o-year. It's pretty long for any intensive crits. If you have the time I'd love some pointers to help me tighten focus in some areas. Maybe I need to start a thread for this. Maybe I need to pay someone. Edit: Forgot to mention that I will be illustrating this too, which is why I wanted to start out small. Some passages are a little sparse on details due to supporting illustrations but I am not sure if I want to stay in that direction or not. Danger Dull fucked around with this message at 04:16 on Apr 4, 2018 |
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Apr 4, 2018 04:07
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Exmond posted:Edit: Huur I should read the OP. I appreciate the comments, though, really! Me thinks Bron needs to be rewritten entirely, hell, the town segment needs work in general. The story does not follow a protagonist, though, so Calder's actions are meant to be off, or aloof. His self removal from the town for long periods of time degrades his people talking skills. Calder explains his motivations after he leaves the town as well, but maybe I need to trail it better in the beginning. Thanks!
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Apr 4, 2018 15:34
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