- flerp
- Feb 25, 2014
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It's the story I was told "Is this publishable? Absolutely not." in the TD! Yes, the one everyone made testicle puns about.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1N1rKhaCk96adLRBNmvuH2VBAkzhp9bzjX3zA4Qtp_HY/edit?usp=sharing
Seeing as how that particular user seemed to think that the story had no "kind of commentary about society or people or anything besides the played out cliche of 'lol rich people dumb", I'd mostly like feedback on how I can strengthen my intended themes. Mainly, the unhealthy obsession with looking and feeling younger as we age, the great lengths we'll go to in order to attempt to reverse a natural bodily process, and how wanting to look a decade younger than you are is a type of body dysmorphia rooted in a deep-seated self-hatred. I wanted the character to actually start feeling younger and happier when he approached the problem in an emotionally healthy way (ate real food, read a book, went for a jog but not obsessively) rather than an unhealthy way (cheating on his wife with a younger woman, becoming obsessed with his appearance), surgery aside.
Also, wouldn't mind general structure/prose tips as well as how to make a misguided character like this interesting. I was intentionally writing it a bit overwrought in order to reflect the character's upper-crust aloofness (because, I felt, a character who has time and money to obsess over their appearance can show the extremes), but if that wasn't a good choice or I didn't pull it off, tips on how to be more successful with that would be great.
e: Or, if you think that the subject matter is too inherently absurd/dumb to make the points that I was trying to make, I wouldn't mind hearing that too.
my big issue is that i think you overplay the stereotype of the protagonist. he's not interesting because he doesnt feel like an actual human being. i mean, the desires to forever stay young and be youthful and the extreme measures we do to keep that isnt necessarily unhuman, but the fact that the guy was like "yeah getting cloaca surgery is def the right move" with him only briefly thinking about it is way over the top if youre trying to take this story down a serious route of examining these themes. its not even necessarily that i dont think the cloaca surgery is the problem here (since its functionally the same as other over-the-top plastic surgery that actual real human beings do), it's just that the way it's being presented through the characters feels less like "let me examine why people make these decisions" and more of a "haha arent rich people dumb, wanting to get cloacas."
this too hurts, as people have said, because the tone of the opening betrays the real intentions of the piece
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