chitoryu12 posted:

Also I vote that we change "gunters" to "hunters" immediately.

BravestOfTheLamps posted:

THE GUN IS GOOD, THE PENIS IS EVIL

chitoryu12 posted:

I think we both agree on Sorrento's complexity and just disagree on exactly how inclined he is to turn to killing.

I view Sorrento as a very competent villain, someone who never needed OASIS the way his sister did because he had everything he needed in real life. He didn't grow up poor, for one, but he also grew up handsome, charismatic, and intelligent. He had everything he needed to live whatever kind of life he desired as long as he put his mind to it. The death of his sister is what broke him. The only reason he joined IOI was because he knew that their resources could get him to the Egg and give him the power he needed to shut off his sister's killer forever.

I think Sorrento can also talk a lot about humanity and saving it from itself! But I like multi-layered motivations and people who are good at fooling themselves. I think that over the years, Sorrento has talked so much to himself about how he needs to shut down OASIS that he's crafted an excellent monologue about how shutting down OASIS will save the human race and allow it to finally return to fixing reality. He gives this monologue to Wade during their interview because he sympathizes with Wade's background and feels that they could be kindred spirits. But the monologue? It was for himself. What he tells Wade is his personal theorycrafting about why his revenge is making him the hero humanity needs. He's done it for so long that he now fully believes that he's going to make the world a better place. But never forget that what started it was a young man's personal anger and drive for revenge, and ultimately that's what it's about.

When Wade foils his plans, Sorrento doesn't merely see his plan to save humanity threatened. He sees his sister's memory tarnished by someone who doesn't understand the good he's trying to do for everyone. The anger this causes not only leads Sorrento to go farther than ever in stopping the High Five, but eventually causes him to lose his cool during the final battle and inadvertently admit to everything in front of everyone.

quote:

"I admired you once, you know that, right?" I said.

He chuckled softly. "I know. It's too bad you admired him more though. We could avoided most of this madness otherwise."

BravestOfTheLamps posted:

I unironically love George RR Martin and every word he's ever written. Make this book like my favorite author, George RR Martin makes his books pretty please.

BravestOfTheLamps posted:

Wouldn't it just be easier to write the story instead of crowd-sourcing characterization? Art demands creative vision, not creative consensus. Just decide yourself.

BravestOfTheLamps posted:

BravestOfTheLamps posted:

_{Some dumb poo poo}

ulvir posted:

you are really mad about BotL existing for some weird reason

Ccs posted:

Instead of critiquing the effort, I hope Mudkiper and BotL just keep posting excerpts of their version of a rewrite. So we can see the actual rewrite and the absurd sexual carnival evolve side by side.

Mel Mudkiper posted:

I gotta admit I am not feeling that first line.

Here's a pitch. Start the novel in OASIS. Its a novel about VR, why start it in the real world? Hell, I would go so far as to start it in medias res.

You can also make the first line reference to Neuromancer more than a reference and actually make it play the same role as it did in the source text.

"The sky over the Tomb was the color of neon"

BravestOfTheLamps posted:

Why would it be important that the protagonist doesn't remember what colour the sky was? If the point is that he didn't care, why would he even bring it up?

Mel Mudkiper posted:

Botl and I are co-authors of the ONANSIS project.

Mel Mudkiper posted:

What are you even mod of anyways