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Tree Goat
May 24, 2009

argania spinosa
loremaster anthony's birthday party

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Franchescanado
Feb 23, 2013

If it wasn't for disappointment
I wouldn't have any appointment

Grimey Drawer
A few books I've read with terrible writing:

I Love You, Beth Cooper by Larry Doyle.





Isn't it so funny? I feel like Doyle was trying to emulate Douglas Adams, but decided the trick to being funny was verbosity, vulgarity, and thinly veiled pop culture parodies, not rhythm, wit and playing with reader expectation.


The Martian by Andy Weir



Largely boring book that thinks cleverness compensates for lack of characterization.


Ashley's War by Gayle Tzemach Lemmon

Actual quotes:

"This is the dream team, Nadia thought. They are confident, they love the work, they are tough, and they know how to put on eyeliner."

"Sarah Waldman, MP (military police) and former Girl Scout who loved sewing as much as survival training, stood before a cluster of surveillance monitors at the operations center."



Structurally, this book is terrible. We are introduced to over a dozen characters in the opening chapters, we follow them through bootcamp, and then it almost nonchalantly mentions that only half of the characters are together, and that the other half won't even meet in six months. Wait, so why are we explaining everything as if they're all in the same room if half of them will never even meet each other?


Writ in Blood by James A. Moore

Can't find any excerpts, but there's a part where an investigator gets jumped by three vampires but effortlessly defeats them with karate, in one of the worst action scenes I've read.


Do not read any of these. They may as well have been written in dog poo poo instead of ink.

Franchescanado fucked around with this message at 17:46 on Apr 18, 2018

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?

ulvir posted:

an obvious contender to this dilemma is Sphinx by French author Anne Garreta. her project was to write a novel without gender, and the way she did it was to abolish grammatical gender all together (by going for verbs, phrases, nouns and so forth that were in Neutrum or otherwise non-gendered), and this obviously materializes in vastly different ways in the original language compared to an English translation.

I found the Emma Ramadan translation turgid. I don't have a copy, so I can't pick out passages, nor the translator's note where she explains her decision to use overly-florid prose (they cut that out of the Kindle sample dammit), but for all I know she was being totally faithful to the original given this remark in the introduction:

quote:

…it has none of the lightness, none of the gleeful structured play, found in most Oulipian fiction. Garréta's prose is heavy, drastic, baroque, at once ruthlessly clinical and deeply sentimental…

I thought I'd like that, but it ended up such a slog. That doesn't necessarily make it bad prose though, so I'm up for a second opinion. But I probably won't tackle it again unless I go to the trouble to learn French.

ulvir
Jan 2, 2005

Stuporstar posted:

I found the Emma Ramadan translation turgid. I don't have a copy, so I can't pick out passages, nor the translator's note where she explains her decision to use overly-florid prose (they cut that out of the Kindle sample dammit), but for all I know she was being totally faithful to the original given this remark in the introduction:


I thought I'd like that, but it ended up such a slog. That doesn't necessarily make it bad prose though, so I'm up for a second opinion. But I probably won't tackle it again unless I go to the trouble to learn French.

my physical copy is by the same translator, I believe. I might dig it up to post her introductory remarks regarding her choices. I remember enjoying the book regardless.

Franchescanado
Feb 23, 2013

If it wasn't for disappointment
I wouldn't have any appointment

Grimey Drawer

Mel Mudkiper posted:

Well, take the first page or so of Great Gatsby. I will highlight sentences and clauses that I have issues with. Most of it falls into two categories, needlessly purple prose and atonal sentence structure.


I find the opening sentence of Great Gatsby to be painfully atonal. It sounds ugly. The first two clauses, when spoken with a natural inflection, have the stressed focus word on the end of the clause. Thus, the first two sentences build up to a final stress like a curve. However, the third clause had the stressed focus near the beginning of the clause. Therefore, when read aloud, the third clause clashes tonally with the first two. You can certainly read the third clause in a way that harmonizes with the first two clauses, but then you lose all sense of natural diction, with is important in a first person narrative.

A lot of his other sentences suffer from unnecessary modifiers. Nearly every noun has an adjective. Nearly every verb has an adverb. It ends up making the text feel dense and literary, but it doesn't make the text more meaningful. You could remove nearly all modifiers from most of the highlighted sentences and not actually change the meaning of the sentence, or there is a more specific word that means what the adj/n or adv/v combination means. That means those added words are little more than window dressing.

Thank you for this. I agree with quite a few of the issues you pointed out.

Bandiet
Dec 31, 2015

Here’s some of my favorite Proust imagery.

quote:

Me persuadant que j’étais « assis sur le môle » ou au fond du « boudoir » dont parle Baudelaire, je me demandais si son « soleil rayonnant sur la mer » ce n’était pas – bien différent du rayon du soir, simple et superficiel comme un trait doré et tremblant – celui qui en ce moment brûlait la mer comme une topaze, la faisait fermenter, devenir blonde et laiteuse comme de la bière, écumante comme du lait, tandis que par moments s’y promenaient çà et là de grandes ombres bleues, que quelque dieu semblait s’amuser à déplacer en bougeant un miroir dans le ciel.

The Scott Moncrieff/Kilmartin translation seems to work.

quote:

Imagining that I was "sitting on the mole" or at rest in the "boudoir" of which Baudelaire speaks, I wondered whether his "sun's rays upon the sea" were not—a very different thing from the evening ray, simple and superficial as a tremulous golden shaft—just what at that moment was scorching the sea topaz-yellow, fermenting it, turning it pale and milky like beer, frothy like milk, while now and then there hovered over it great blue shadows which, for his own amusement, some god seemed to be shifting to and fro by moving a mirror in the sky.

This James Grieve (Penguin) translation is awfully vulgar.

quote:

Fancying that Baudelaire’s lines about ‘lounging on the esplanade’ or ‘in the boudoir’ applied to me, I was wondering whether his ‘sunbeams gleaming on the sea’—unlike the evening sunbeam, simple and shallow, a tremulous golden shaft—might not be those I could see at that very moment burnishing the surfaces of the waves to topaz, fermenting it to a pale, milky beer, frothing it like milk, while every now and again great blue shadows passed over parts of it, as though high above us a god was having fun moving a mirror about.

Bandiet fucked around with this message at 18:59 on Apr 18, 2018

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?

ulvir posted:

my physical copy is by the same translator, I believe. I might dig it up to post her introductory remarks regarding her choices. I remember enjoying the book regardless.

If you do, can I ask you to find and post the bit from the club where the narrator is bragging about having once synchronized the entire dance floor into one fluid motion? I did like that bit. I thought I'd saved that passage myself, since I collect samples of writing that stands out to me, but I can't find it.

ulvir
Jan 2, 2005

Stuporstar posted:

If you do, can I ask you to find and post the bit from the club where the narrator is bragging about having once synchronized the entire dance floor into one fluid motion? I did like that bit. I thought I'd saved that passage myself, since I collect samples of writing that stands out to me, but I can't find it.

sure, I could do that. I can't promise that I'd post this like within 24hrs from now, though

Stuporstar
May 5, 2008

Where do fists come from?

ulvir posted:

sure, I could do that. I can't promise that I'd post this like within 24hrs from now, though

That's cool. Thank you

CountFosco
Jan 9, 2012

Welcome back to the Liturgigoon thread, friend.
What struck me on the beach–and it struck me indeed, so that I staggered as at a blow–was that if the Eternal Principle had rested in that curved thorn I had carried about my neck across so many leagues, and if it now rested in the new thorn (perhaps the same thorn) I had only now put there, then it might rest in everything, in every thorn in every bush, in every drop of water in the sea. The thorn was a sacred Claw because all thorns were sacred Claws; the sand in my boots was sacred sand because it came from a beach of sacred sand. The cenobites treasured up the relics of the sannyasins because the sannyasins had approached the Pancreator. But everything had approached and even touched the Pancreator, because everything had dropped from his hand. Everything was a relic. All the world was a relic. I drew off my boots, that had traveled with me so far, and threw them into the waves that I might not walk shod on holy ground.

WASDF
Jul 29, 2011

"...,that...,....that..."
awful.

david crosby
Mar 2, 2007

CountFosco posted:

What struck me on the beach–and it struck me indeed, so that I staggered as at a blow–was that if the Eternal Principle had rested in that curved thorn I had carried about my neck across so many leagues, and if it now rested in the new thorn (perhaps the same thorn) I had only now put there, then it might rest in everything, in every thorn in every bush, in every drop of water in the sea. The thorn was a sacred Claw because all thorns were sacred Claws; the sand in my boots was sacred sand because it came from a beach of sacred sand. The cenobites treasured up the relics of the sannyasins because the sannyasins had approached the Pancreator. But everything had approached and even touched the Pancreator, because everything had dropped from his hand. Everything was a relic. All the world was a relic. I drew off my boots, that had traveled with me so far, and threw them into the waves that I might not walk shod on holy ground.

No

Ras Het
May 23, 2007

when I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child - but now I am a man.

CountFosco posted:

What struck me on the beach–and it struck me indeed, so that I staggered as at a blow–was that if the Eternal Principle had rested in that curved thorn I had carried about my neck across so many leagues, and if it now rested in the new thorn (perhaps the same thorn) I had only now put there, then it might rest in everything, in every thorn in every bush, in every drop of water in the sea. The thorn was a sacred Claw because all thorns were sacred Claws; the sand in my boots was sacred sand because it came from a beach of sacred sand. The cenobites treasured up the relics of the sannyasins because the sannyasins had approached the Pancreator. But everything had approached and even touched the Pancreator, because everything had dropped from his hand. Everything was a relic. All the world was a relic. I drew off my boots, that had traveled with me so far, and threw them into the waves that I might not walk shod on holy ground.

Is this from Zybourne Clock

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

CountFosco posted:

What struck me on the beach–and it struck me indeed, so that I staggered as at a blow–was that if the Eternal Principle had rested in that curved thorn I had carried about my neck across so many leagues, and if it now rested in the new thorn (perhaps the same thorn) I had only now put there, then it might rest in everything, in every thorn in every bush, in every drop of water in the sea.

This sentence strikes me as particularly atonal and clumsy.

The primary conceit, as best I can tell, is that we are following a particularly tangled chain of thoughts as the protagonist is reasoning out an idea.

However, grammatically, it often loses its own focus, belying the authenticity of the narrator's perspective.

The sentence is made up of multiple dependent clauses and supporting phrases. The primary issue is that the phrases distract from the focus on the idea as it nurtures and grows in the narrator's mind.

Observe. I have highlighted the elements central of the character's path of logic, and italicized the portions irrelevant to that developing awareness.

CountFosco posted:

What struck me on the beachand it struck me indeed, so that I staggered as at a blowwas that if the Eternal Principle had rested in that curved thorn I had carried about my neck across so many leagues, and if it now rested in the new thorn (perhaps the same thorn) I had only now put there, then it might rest in everything, in every thorn in every bush, in every drop of water in the sea.

Why would he distract himself from his own thoughts, as he had them, by reminding himself of things he already knew? Surely the fact he carried it a long time was already established, and surely he and the reader know the know thorn was just put on.

These might be forgiven if these unnecessary clauses were pleasing to the ear, but they aren't. The sentence is more musical if the appositives are removed from the two parallel "if" clauses. "if this, and if then, then if this" has a certain natural rhythm behind it. The additional clauses disrupt that rhythm without producing essential meaning. Its a tangled web of too many words and ideas that don't need to be there.

A more concise and aesthetically pleasing version might read

CountFosco posted:

What struck me on the beach was that if the Eternal Principle had rested in that curved thorn I had worn, and now rested in the new thorn (perhaps the same thorn), then it might rest in everything, in every thorn in every bush, in every drop of water in the sea.

Finally the staggering line is just terrible. No one in the history of anything has received a mental shock so great they staggered as if they were hit.

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat
It's from Claw of the Conciliator, the second part of renowned science fiction author Gene Wolfe's masterpiece The Book of the New Sun.

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.
To contribute, some of my favorite David Vann quotes

quote:

He hadn't yet seen his life wasted, hadn't yet understood the pure longing for what was really a kind of annihilation. A desire to see what the world can do, to see what you can endure, to see, finally, what you're made of as you're torn apart. A kind of bliss to annihilation, to being wiped away. "But ever he has longing, he who sets out on the sea", and this longing is to face the very worst, a delicate hope for a larger wave.

quote:

We think of Cain as the one who killed his brother, but who else was around to kill? They were the first two born. Cain killed what was available. The story has nothing to do with brothers.

Lex Neville
Apr 15, 2009

Mel Mudkiper posted:

Finally the staggering line is just terrible. No one in the history of anything has received a mental shock so great they staggered as if they were hit.

It's actually kind of funny how badly hosed up that sentence got from all the piling on. Something struck him (1), it struck him indeed (2), not just a little, but so much so that he staggered (3), and the staggering was pretty bad too, as would be the result from a blow (4). In my opinion, the absolute limit to all these quantifiers would be "What struck me on the beach–and it struck me indeed, so much so that I staggered–"; the fourth element does nothing but take it from already pretentious to utterly laughable.

Lex Neville fucked around with this message at 21:02 on Apr 22, 2018

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Lex Neville posted:

It's actually kind of funny how badly hosed up that sentence got from all the piling on. Something struck him (1), it struck him indeed (2), not just a little, but so much so that he staggered (3), and the staggering was pretty bad too, as would be the result from a blow (4). In my opinion, the absolute limit to all these quantifiers would be "What struck me on the beach–and it struck me indeed, so much so that I staggered–"; the fourth element does nothing but take it from already pretentious to utterly laughable.

Its buffet writing, the belief that adding more to a sentence makes it a better sentence. And it often appeals to readers of the same discernment as buffets appeal to eaters.

Lex Neville
Apr 15, 2009

Mel Mudkiper posted:

To contribute, some of my favorite David Vann quotes

I like the second for its brutal simplicity. However, I almost feel like the first would come across more cleanly when omitting everything from the quote onward. Before then, it's a relatively clear (albeit a little wordy, but that's not forbidden) description of a vague concept that does get the point across. I'd even go so far as to say that it does so quite admirably; it's an extremely specific experience that very few people would actually go through, but it becomes relatable through this detailed description nonetheless. The last bit just muddies all that though, imo.

Lex Neville fucked around with this message at 21:22 on Apr 22, 2018

Ras Het
May 23, 2007

when I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child - but now I am a man.
Here's a bit from Dead Souls (via Robert A Maguire) that I like:



(Gogol died at 42)

And here is, incidentally, the famous dancers-into-flies passage from the same that in some way exemplifies Gogol's style:



And here's P&V for comparison:

quote:

Entering the great hall, Chichikov had to squint his eyes for a moment, because the brilliance of the candles, the lamps, and the ladies’ gowns was terrible. Everything was flooded with light. Black tailcoats flitted and darted about separately and in clusters here and there, as flies dart about a gleaming white sugar loaf in the hot summertime of July, while the old housekeeper hacks it up and divides it into glistening fragments before the open window; the children all gather round watching, following curiously the movements of her stiff arms raising the hammer, and the airborne squadrons of flies, lifted by the light air, fly in boldly, like full masters, and, profiting from the old woman’s weak sight and the sunshine which troubles her eyes, bestrew the dainty morsels, here scatteredly, there in thick clusters. Satiated by summer’s bounty, which anyhow offers dainty dishes at every step, they fly in not at all in order to eat, but only in order to show themselves off, to stroll back and forth on the heap of sugar, to rub their back or front legs together, or to scratch themselves under the wings, or, stretching out both front legs, to rub them over their heads, then turn and fly away, to come back again in new, pestering squadrons.

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Lex Neville posted:

I like the second for its brutal simplicity. However, I almost feel like the first would come across more cleanly when omitting everything from the quote onward. Before then, it's a relatively clear (albeit a little wordy, but that's not forbidden) description of a vague concept that does get the point across. I'd even go so far as to say that it does so quite admirably; it's an extremely specific experience that very few people would actually go through, but it becomes relatable through this detailed description nonetheless. The last bit just muddies all that though, imo.

I disagree. The last sentence is essential in its interpretation, it being a translated line from The Seafarer that is then reinterpreted. What he is implying is that this motivation is, in fact, neither vague nor specific to a few people. It is instead a universal drive behind the concept of masculinity. That we have a compulsion to seek annihilation as a way of knowing ourselves. Its something we seen in men who go to war to test themselves, among other things. The use of the line from the seafarer is to contradict the idea that men seek adventure for freedom, but rather seek adventure as a way to find meaning in death.

Lex Neville
Apr 15, 2009
That's fair and I'll concede the point. Mine was a hot take and I hadn't immediately recognised The Seafarer so it felt a little tacked on. Thanks for elaborating.

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

Lex Neville posted:

That's fair and I'll concede the point. Mine was a hot take and I hadn't immediately recognised The Seafarer so it felt a little tacked on. Thanks for elaborating.

No worries! Its the thread for talking about prose. No one is obligated to agree with me.

CestMoi
Sep 16, 2011

"see what you're made of as you're torn apart" is exactly the sort of wordplay that exists in horrible poetry and it turns out it doesn't work better without a line break

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

CestMoi posted:

"see what you're made of as you're torn apart" is exactly the sort of wordplay that exists in horrible poetry and it turns out it doesn't work better without a line break

I disagree, it is set up in the context of the preceding ideas to simultaneously evoke the symbolic and physical ideas of annihilation that is more meaningful than you are giving it credit for

CountFosco
Jan 9, 2012

Welcome back to the Liturgigoon thread, friend.
You are all philistines.

A human heart
Oct 10, 2012

CountFosco posted:

You are all philistines.

Disliking science fiction is a classic philistine move for sure

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

CountFosco posted:

You are all philistines.

Perhaps you could explain why you liked it

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat
I am disappointed in the lack of either the "that sucks" shitpost or the "u mad" response.

A human heart
Oct 10, 2012

I like Sir Thomas Browne's incredibly baroque prose

quote:

In vain do individuals hope for immortality, or any patent from oblivion, in preservations below the moon; men have been deceived even in their flatteries, above the sun, and studied conceits to perpetuate their names in heaven. The various cosmography of that part hath already varied the names of contrived constellations; Nimrod is lost in Orion, and Osyris in the Dog-star. While we look for incorruption in the heavens, we find that they are but like the earth; — durable in their main bodies, alterable in their parts; whereof, beside comets and new stars, perspectives begin to tell tales, and the spots that wander about the sun, with Phaeton’s favour, would make clear conviction.

There is nothing strictly immortal, but immortality. Whatever hath no beginning, may be confident of no end; — all others have a dependent being and within the reach of destruction; — which is the peculiar of that necessary essence that cannot destroy itself; — and the highest strain of omnipotency, to be so powerfully constituted as not to suffer even from the power of itself. But the sufficiency of Christian immortality frustrates all earthly glory, and the quality of either state after death, makes a folly of posthumous memory. God who can only destroy our souls, and hath assured our resurrection, either of our bodies or names hath directly promised no duration. Wherein there is so much of chance, that the boldest expectants have found unhappy frustration; and to hold long subsistence, seems but a scape in oblivion. But man is a noble animal, splendid in ashes, and pompous in the grave, solemnizing nativities and deaths with equal lustre, nor omitting ceremonies of bravery in the infamy of his nature.

Life is a pure flame, and we live by an invisible sun within us. A small fire sufficeth for life, great flames seemed too little after death, while men vainly affected precious pyres, and to burn like Sardanapalus; but the wisdom of funeral laws found the folly of prodigal blazes and reduced undoing fires unto the rule of sober obsequies, wherein few could be so mean as not to provide wood, pitch, a mourner, and an urn.

and here's Charles Doughty, who was a 19th century guy who wrote his travel book about arabia in a similar style and apparently thought that the english language had declined since Spenser

quote:

Telal, the magnanimous prince of Shammar, shot himself in some frenetic melancholy ! — for the Emir's miserable death is clear hitherto of other suspicion. I have asked of erudite town Arabians : " What will be awarded to such unhappy soul at the last ? " They answered, "He is for the burning ! " — In the ferment of our civil societies, from which the guardian angels seem to depart, we see many every moment sliding at the brink. What anguishes are rankling in the lees of the soul, the heart-nipping unkindness of a man's friends, his defeated endeavours ! betwixt the birth and death of the mind, what swallowing seas, and storms of mortal miseries ! And when the wildfire is in the heart and he is made mad, the incontinent hands would wreak the harm upon his own head, to blot out the abhorred illusion of the world and the desolate remembrance of himself. Succoured in the forsaken hour, when his courage swerved, with the perfume of human kindness, he might have been to-day alive. Many have looked for consolation, in the imbecility of their souls, who found perhaps hardness of face and contradiction ; they perished untimely in default of our humanity.

Infinite are the distempers of the human spirit, man is a prodigy of misery. Under other climates there are many beside themselves for religion, requiring in this dulness of the churl of the flesh, the perfect will of the spirit : — but this is not in the elvish simplicity of the Arabs, — they are Naturals in religion. They have so little conscience of the stink of sin in themselves, they see not the leprosy of their own souls. There is an eager blood, a maleficent weakness of some human fibre, that were his Adam in heaven it should not avail him ; and as flies lighting upon wounds, so are to such persons the common vicissitudes of this life. Even in the wilderness the inveterate pricks of the world are strewed up and down under their bare feet : within are the inarticulate jarrings of the human spirit, and there is no savour in men's lives. The Aarab are pleasant heads, lightly given, but also full of musing melancholy ; and as there is a hairbrained camel in every troop, and in every flock some dizzy sheep, so commonly in their nomad menzils are some scorned and bewildered persons.

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.
I posit a question

Is there any form of prose worse than b-tier narrative non-fiction

https://jezebel.com/the-mess-and-the-murders-1824104682

quote:

I’ve memorized most of the jurors’ faces. There was the woman I swear I’ve met before, with long brown hair and dreamy, longing eyes like those of a 16-year-old singing a song she wrote about her life. There was the woman who reminded me of a sad cat. There was the woman who stuffed Kleenex into her long sleeves, letting the tissues hang out a bit for easier access I suppose. The woman with a butch silver haircut and never any makeup. The Southerner who wore a blanket sometimes.

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat

Mel Mudkiper posted:

I posit a question

Is there any form of prose worse than b-tier narrative non-fiction
Yes, it used to be called Pitchfork but is Tiny Mix Tapes now.

http://tinymixtapes.com/music-review/impossible-nothing-taxemenomicon posted:

Amazingly few discotheques provide jukeboxes. But jiving alone quits the party oxygen; the atonal zap of democracy won’t gently caress up your dharma. Can’t you let the speakers blow out to cute, kind, jovial, foxy physiques — amazing beauties? Does the dancefloor apocalypse prefer to quiver cozy in your head, maxing out your broken jaw instead? Every memorized fixation has been quoted and packed into sweltering conjugations, though; nothing is secret about your secret language. Forget about book or video quizzes, too — no chance you’d judge the answers for sample exposition. Gone are the black foxtrot days of the wizard queen’s toxic Java hemp.

Hell, it’s empty, and all the devils are here for the quota; just banking on their wax zodiac, just waiting to be wanted. Impossible: nothing but a vow, an order of hosed-up maximalism and quizzical joy. Just keep examining every low bid quoted for zinc etchings, and you’ll know why: Klan Wizards can’t even juxtapose fascist phlegm with black quays. Look, if you properly budget expensive zoology equipment, just wait for the change and you’ll get it. My girl wove six dozen plaid jackets before she quit, and she was perfectly fine.

Nothing is impossible, in other words — for just about anyone could quickly produce four-point-333 hours of vexing waltzes, right? Or is the quasi-anonymous Impossible Nothing a loving genius sculptor of waxy jazz divas? Perhaps he’s transcended maxed-out-bebop-jazz, plunderphonics-via-funk, vaporwave-via-Google-query. Quibbling about that won’t get us very far, though — about as much as pixie jizz.

Rest azure we’ve no quaint joke here, anyway; xhe’s a baffling psychedelic phenom. Something like zephyr-tight musical quartz with a jovial dexterity buff. Think about it: swerving thru dicey jams, quaffing bossa, ragga, zouk — then axing it all apart. Unless you pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs, in other words, there’s no way my brain is gonna be able to process this poo poo.

Verily I say unto you, thus: the quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog.

Wanting nothing but another hexed Necronomicon of zany bombast to jolt sonic arrows from the quiver to the Kuiper, you’ll thirst post-music for the post-post-music of Impossible Nothing — from aardvark to zyzzyva. Xerox me that poo poo quick, you waltzing nymph; we’ll jive to the noisy cataclysm together, two humble pieces in a mosaic of sound.

You’ll be saying, by the end of it: “Sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow!”

“Zeus above,” I’ll say back to you — “my quick study of lexicography just won a prize.”

http://tinymixtapes.com/music-review/graham-kartna-ideation-deluxe posted:

after Lydia Davis

Anything acrobatic like jumping into a mushroom in Super Mario or twerking on a magic carpet; anything umami like wasabi peas or a McDonald’s playpen; anything soothing like bicycles, Swedish fish, and submarines; anything glossy like inkjet prints, Shaq’s head, and ice cream scoopers; anything gooey like weed brownies, Snorlax and butter cake; anything chatty like Waiting For Godot, Heath Ledger’s Joker, and tropical birds; anything computerized like hoverboards, iRobots, and dishwashing machines; anything flexible like ballet dancers, jungle gyms, and condoms; anything indispensable like ATM machines, leather belts, and Vitamin C; anything gustatory like Ideation Deluxe, pumpkin spice lattes, and wine stores; anything childlike like hopscotch, action figures, and dolphins; anything aromatic like NYC, Greenland, and Tegucigalpa; anything galloping like antelopes, burglars, and Hamburglar; anything fast like fast food, fast neutrons, and fast tracks; anything skinny like marathon runners, anti-twerkers, and young priests; anything plump like Augustus Gloop, Ideation Deluxe, and old computers from the 90s; anything nostalgic like chillwave, vaporwave, and nostalgiawave; anything complex like Complex Playground, Ideation Deluxe, and Ideation Deluxe; anything jocular like The Sims, Animal Crossing, and Barney; anything loquacious like Ideation Deluxe, Woody Allen, and Ideation Deluxe; anything munificent like Ideation Deluxe, the App Store, and GrubHub; anything voluble like Poland Spring 36 packs, Woody Allen, and Ideation Deluxe; anything woody like Woody from Toy Story, Woody Allen, and woodyards; anything textured like Ideation Deluxe, Woody Allen’s cardigans, and Woody from Toy Story; anything deluxe like Tuna Melt Deluxe, Bacon Cheeseburger Deluxe, and Ideation Deluxe; anything exploratory like Lewis & Clark, Marco Polo, and Ideation Deluxe; anything pervasive like cockroaches in NYC, rats in NYC, and trash in NYC; anything groovy like Napoleon Dynamite dancing, a wide receiver in the end zone dancing, a baby in a crib dancing; anything dancing like “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” and Ideation Deluxe; anything homey like Ideation Deluxe, home economics class in the sixth grade, and Little Bear; anything comely like Angry Birds, Shakespeare, and Ideation Deluxe; anything ergonomic like Hydroyoga, Ideation Deluxe, and Hydroyoga; anything hydraulic like Hydroyoga, Ideation Deluxe, and Ideation Deluxe; anything Ideation Deluxe like Ideation Deluxe, Ideation Deluxe, and Ideation Deluxe

* * *

A: Really though.

B: I know, I know.

A: I took a walk with the dog, I came back, I opened the computer, and sat, thinking about text-to-MIDI software.

B: Yeah. I mean, it happens. Like the other day, I came home with an extreme desire to play The Sims, and in the middle of their blabbering Simlish, I thought about that too.

A: Sometimes in my digital kitchen workstation, I think to myself: are my thoughts broadcasting to Paul Lansky’s laboratories right now?

B: I do wonder sometimes if he took the design of his Real-time Cmix from experiments with stay-at-home moms and dads. And children.

A: I mean, the computer has made language so ambient. I feel like I turn it on and enter a suburb. I hear neighbors chattering. I hear kids in treehouses, playing, scraping knees and elbows, wearing Band-Aids.

B: Suburban language frightens me. So plain. So boring. In my digital kitchen workstation, I think a lot about emoji-to-MIDI software and what that would sound like.

A: Have you told Graham about that yet?

B: Yes, I did.

A: Good.

B: Yes. He knows.

WASDF
Jul 29, 2011

Yes. There is a ton to pick on in journalistic reporting. Tiny Mix Tapes is definitely egregious.
There's a style in games writing that is so sappy and manipulative, where the author takes something in the game and tries to amplify it out of a games context to be like "this is the primal rage that our savage human ancestors must have felt upon running from a rhino, or clubbing a brother in the skull while his eyes watch every moment of it." ugh. I'll try and remember to bring some into this thread next time I encounter it.

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat
This went over the character limit, so it's getting its own post.

http://tinymixtapes.com/music-review/-65298-65304-65297-65300---26032-12375-12356-26085-12398-35477-29983 posted:

Forget the functional music aspect of 新しい日の誕生 by 2814; dosing a cocktail of DXM, spliff, Gray Goose, and duster; the shower scene beams light from the blinds in rays of steam at 2:30 PM on a Saturdaynobody is home. Warm water trickling down like urine, and spinal fluids and nerves are less busted than they have been well-exerted today, accomplishing a to-do list of chores, though not having finished them all. And probably won’t. The smell of Astroglide haunts the living-room sofa, and 2814 swarms within riddled baselines dubbed to the suds circling the shower drain, draining the last bits of filth into a pipe that leads to a different story all together. But the blur-screen still emanates a red-face grasping for air with spiked heels emerging from a fishnet and a lot of darkness and shade, while color remains starkly prominent.

It’d be foolish not to mention neon, surrounded by all the advertisements, pairing the citizens to this spectral of light, walking down the road to purchase indigestion, as one of the largest cities on Earth is flourishing all around and right next door. That same feel when the subway is queasy whilst it’s delayed, at a stand-still. Nothing appears to be open, but the ambiance is provided by beckoning fingers from basement doors and the shrill sounds of hanging metal echoing and clanging throughout. But maybe that shrill sound is just a set of breaks and a busted tail light. Leaning against three inches of brick and not knowing what’s happening behind it. The implication of general complaint-conversation “You’re not listening to me” insinuates beyond the mystery of whoever is within this building’s confines, and the discussion could involve chores or infestation or sub-genres in jazz. Wherever the cracks of teeth are flossed, it’s likely that the turmoil rattling the surface is mostly from grit off the pavement rustled up by tire-tar. A helicopter circling the skyline with a digital marque that barely reads “新しい日の誕生.”

Agreeing to jump from the top-floor diving board, even though theyre illegal in this state and city. Feeling the propaganda that life may exist in 2814 because this year exists, but if it hadn’t existed yet, and no human or mathematically minded being is abound to decipher this augmentation, we falter; technically it has always been 2814, given that every rotation is a 新しい日の誕生. The party will always end, and the balloons in the corner take about a week to deflate, so keepem pumped. Glistening surfaces like marble reflect the old men who would argue upon the town hall’s front yard. A witness from years later attests that shadows are merely fragments of light hidden in the depths of our consciousness. Recognizing were completely alone, no matter how many apartment cameras and school loans we’ve accrued. Droplets in a muddied puddle shimmers color that nobody will ever witness exists up the block, but it’s either that or keeping the innocence that remains indoors.

Hearing some tough-guy pop trio in HD draws a barrier, and a cup of fruit-fresca helps move the bowels. Never having a response to anyone anymore. Even going to a show requires a level of interaction that is best kept in a realm that stems between one’s spine and brain. Right and wrong is a pan with oil left for hours on the stove top. Going with the flow means someone is pulling the strings, so stay home. 新しい日の誕生. Knowing you’ll die alone like everyone else who wasn’t in some devastating accident/ordeal, but even then, we all die alone. Feeling around in the dark when nobody has been home for weeks and nothing has changed, but tumbling naked into a glass that doesn’t break, just pours and pools clear liquid booze, brimming, swelling, and absorbing within eye sockets; rubbing at it just creates a drunker effect, so laying down for the next hour or four seems intoxicating enough to let the wide-angle lens zoom past your visage, watching brains melt from nostrils into the air like during them old mummification processes in 2814.

Flexing exfoliation muscle. Stretching out this morning never happened. There’s a break when reality becomes existent, and reproduction comes after selfishness. Shelves drilled in and hung. Waking up at the same time every day, and this is what the skyline looks like. Like a setting cloud being inhaled by a lung no larger than the ocean, encapsulated and controlled by lunar fragments, shadowed beneath the and within the apartment next door. Fragmented in dark matter. And it’s only brick. Mists from nitroglycerin ventricles. Whatever automobiles emit these days. The moment spirit encompasses and entombs itself. Recollection of 2814 is just 新しい日の誕生. Pulling fulfillment from the land.

Edit: One more, just 'cause I love you guys that much.

http://tinymixtapes.com/music-review/sophie-product posted:

Belligerent puts the [cis] in survival. What are the three rules of marketing? SEO it: human necessity, appeal to need and a reason to negate the Oxford comma; need, want, entice. It's like talking to someone as if they're selling you their life story. Or it's one of those confession cams from a reality TV show based on a “true story, bro” doc involving an eye witness hired to listen to your tell-all. Status  updates. It's referring to your cellphone as “touch pad,” because calling people on it hasn't happened since 2012. It's Wi-Fi, which never hurt anyone. It's realizing that Lucifer is still a good name (a.k.a. credit cards a.k.a. The Internet a.k.a. cable a.k.a. lubricant a.k.a. lease agreements a.k.a. rental property a.k.a. S1m0ne). It's feeling manic, but it's just the music. The day they commercialize dark matter, tho. Pinnacle swag. Having nightmares. Tricking people into what's-what. Stretching within. Drinking Red Bull.

It's sitting backseat on the school bus nailing your first kiss, which is way wetter than you'd expected. It's the taste in your mouth after vodka: it's a whipped-cream dance party, standing there contemplating if you're Jarrod or Lyon. Yet it's always gotta be about gender. Even in front of these speakers jacked in the eighth. There's never/always something to be said, but we're actually just waiting on some returned goods with incentive. “What's in the bag?” It's Molly. “It's your kid's birthday?” I don't want to know how your life works, but keep it up, because there's a posi in they. Hope it was worth it. How big IS your sales staff anyway? Especially when you are subjected to hours of make-out footage, then realize she's bald while walking into the store and asking for a statue of a hand and arm. You get an IRL *shrug emoji* from her. You find the statue. You ask for change. But what about immortality? Would you kill yourself for eternal ecstasy? loving rental property. Everyone in the office is down with it, but you're not. So tun't it. X-Rated material being PR'd in a high-profile way, but isn't it just another website? Or a façade. A faux-façade. 40 years from now: Al Pacino in Mrs. Doubtfire 2. Michael Jackson makes more money dead; hashtag 2Pac & B.I.G.G.I.E. & Eazy-E & Elvis. Pushing a button relentlessly that does NOTHING. AT ALLLL. :( And nobody is allowed to smoke inside anymore. Why?

quote:

“jezz PayPal us… we tax-free like that, u kno?” - advertising@tinymixtapes.com

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 15:35 on Apr 23, 2018

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

WASDF posted:

Yes. There is a ton to pick on in journalistic reporting. Tiny Mix Tapes is definitely egregious.
There's a style in games writing that is so sappy and manipulative, where the author takes something in the game and tries to amplify it out of a games context to be like "this is the primal rage that our savage human ancestors must have felt upon running from a rhino, or clubbing a brother in the skull while his eyes watch every moment of it." ugh. I'll try and remember to bring some into this thread next time I encounter it.

I like the game reporting that is like "Witcher 3 made me reflect on my decisions as a father" or "Life is Strange made me wonder if I did all I could to prevent my friend's suicide" (both real) because they can only grasp significance from a game by turning it up to 11.

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat

WASDF posted:

Yes. There is a ton to pick on in journalistic reporting. Tiny Mix Tapes is definitely egregious.
There's a style in games writing that is so sappy and manipulative, where the author takes something in the game and tries to amplify it out of a games context to be like "this is the primal rage that our savage human ancestors must have felt upon running from a rhino, or clubbing a brother in the skull while his eyes watch every moment of it." ugh. I'll try and remember to bring some into this thread next time I encounter it.
I have never been more irritated by game reviews than by the ones for that poo poo-brained art-game wannabe Everything last year.

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.
Unfortunately games criticism will probably always be trash because while genre fanboys are a recent phenomenon in literary and film criticism, trying to drag down the entire endeavor with their half understood citations of Joseph Campbell, they were there in games fandom long before the critics had a chance to arrive.

Hieronymous Alloy
Jan 30, 2009


Why! Why!! Why must you refuse to accept that Dr. Hieronymous Alloy's Genetically Enhanced Cream Corn Is Superior to the Leading Brand on the Market!?!




Morbid Hound

Mel Mudkiper posted:

I like the game reporting that is like "Witcher 3 made me reflect on my decisions as a father" or "Life is Strange made me wonder if I did all I could to prevent my friend's suicide" (both real) because they can only grasp significance from a game by turning it up to 11.

https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/bjve9q/middle-earth-shadow-of-war-orc-slavery-lord-of-the-rings

Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.

I will forgive you for probating me and not even responding to my PM if you give BOTL a sixer which will override his 30 day

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Mel Mudkiper
Jan 19, 2012

At this point, Mudman abruptly ends the conversation. He usually insists on the last word.
But, returning to the point, long-form narrative journalism is the abyss in which all failed and mediocre writers shriek for eternity, desperate for relevance

Like the mix-tape stuff is bad, but its bad in that "gently caress you normie, you don't GET IT" which is just sort of a cliche sort of art school dropout bullshit. Narrative Non-fiction is worse because the writer is operating under the pretense that he is speaking to the reader from a place of humble wisdom and experience.

Mel Mudkiper fucked around with this message at 16:19 on Apr 23, 2018

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