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specially shouldn't oink at them afterwards
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Jul 4, 2018 19:15
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 17, 2024 21:06
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- Macnult
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any sauce on a police officer belongs to the district they serve
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Jul 4, 2018 19:17
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Me: I do not consent to a search
Officer (checkin’ out my sweet sauce interior): I do not consent to searching
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Jul 5, 2018 12:37
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Officer: “Sir, step out of the car.”
[Car door opens, releasing a flood of sauce onto the highway]
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Jul 5, 2018 12:37
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*Silhouette of an unusually small house with smoke billowing out of the roof*
Me sobbing hysterically: Officer help! My house is burning down and my dog didn't make it out! He's still in there! Don't you see the smoke??! Please save him!
Officer: Stand back! I'm going to kick the door open!
Me: No just open it you don't need to...
*Officer kicks the door which causes the entire facade to fall foward revealing an open industrial sized hog smoker on the other side*
Officer: Uhh I don't think I should be here, I'm just gonna get in my car and...
Me: No please, stay, my dog... he's inside there... can't you hear him screaming? He needs you. Please... *mouth watering* I need you.
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Jul 5, 2018 19:38
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One of those cartoon scenes where two characters are stuck on a life raft in the middle of the ocean imagining each other as food and plotting to eat each other except it's me and a cop and I'm imagining him as a juicy pulled pork sandwich with vinegar slaw, and also we're not on a life raft or anything, we're just hanging out, and in fact I just had breakfast but hey, it's never too early to plan for lunch.
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Jul 6, 2018 05:57
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floating toward the luring scent of pie on a windowsill except the pie is a police officer spinning a night stick
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Jul 6, 2018 05:57
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Blue Lives Clatter. On my plate, once I'm done sucking on the bones.
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Jul 7, 2018 02:26
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Setting up an apple bobbing contest right next to a police station
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Jul 7, 2018 02:27
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- Macnult
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y'know what I could go for?
a cop with capicola
a sheriff with salami
a highway patrolperson with pastrami
a forestry serviceperson with steak
a federal marshal with mortadella
a national guardsperson with genoa ham
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Jul 9, 2018 07:49
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reverse rubbernecking because police sirens make you salivate like crazy
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Jul 9, 2018 07:51
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 17, 2024 21:06
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- Macnult
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officer: alrighty there large ears, you been drinking or taking anything tonight?
me: no, sir
officer: huh, your eyes are looking rather large
me: all the better to see you with, sir
officer: *gulps* and... y-your teeth
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Jul 9, 2018 07:57
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Jul 4, 2018 19:15
