literally this big posted:

Hey guys, sorry for the lack of updates! I've been really busy recently. I'm actually not that happy at my job so I'm starting to look for something else. My grandma's hanging in there, but she gets a little older and little weaker every day, so I've been trying to spend more time with her. I met someone I really liked recently, but I had no idea how to handle those feelings and I ended up scaring her away. I really cared about this person and now she's just gone, it makes me feel so disposable. I've been feeling really down lately and my anti-depressants don't really seem to be working. My brake line somehow sprung a leak and I should do something about it but I just don't care. I know that one day it'll get bad enough that I just can't stop and I'll go careening off of the side of the road but I just don't care. I don't want to live anymore, and I think it'd be best that way. Suicide is such a painful experience for those around you who live on; it's a terrible feeling to know that this person that you cared about was in so much pain that they decided to end their own life. It leaves you wondering if there was anything you could have done, something that you could have done to stop it. It haunts you. I could never do that to them. But if my brakes don't work and I collide with the median at high speed, then it just seems like a tragic accident. My friends and family will still be hurt, but at least they'd think it was an accident, and they wouldn't have to know how much I've been hurting for these last few months. I think it'd be better that way.

Anyways, Trail Mix Status Update: