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This game I played, loved, and found hilarious as a kid. Looking forward to seeing more.
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Aug 29, 2018 22:35
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Truthkeeper posted:Blade can shamelessly flirt with Jenni and the receptionist at DH enterprises, but this is his only opportunity to actually cheat on Karyn. Taking Candi up on her offer of course naturally leads to Karyn spawning in from out of nowhere to catch Blade in preparation to get it on. This doesn’t actually cause a game over, but it’s impossible to sway Karyn back after this, and no Karyn means no checking records on stuff like Chen’s ID card. So if this happens before you’ve done that and gotten Jonny Qwong’s address, you’re poo poo out of luck. As the game points out, you have to reload and be a better person.
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Aug 30, 2018 04:43
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Zyxyz posted:Out of curiosity, does this scene change if you trigger it while Karyn is being held hostage at the factory, or is it simply unavailable at that point? Your question made me curious enough to go and check. Turns out that as soon as Karyn gets kidnapped, Candi immediately becomes uninteractable. Which strikes me as a really lazy way to handle the scenario.
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Aug 30, 2018 05:26
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Stupid American Season! Gee guys, I’m stumped. I have absolutely no idea...  How I could ever hope...  To prove to Chi that airplanes can fly  Nope. No ideas at all. Seriously, this puzzle is a little obtuse. It requires that you pick up the piece of paper and that you understand that you need to drag it onto Lucky. But it’s also a really clever way to solve Lucky’s problem that doesn’t involve finding a library on short notice. Time to talk to Mr. Zhao Chi again.  Who is helpfully still here and I don’t have to go through any more bullshit.     This is a very, very special, scientifically designed dynamic 3-D flight simulator.Dynamix 3D flight simulator? When did I start playing A-10 Tank Killer?  Look like ordinary paper formed into ARROW-PLANE to Chi.In my head I’m pretending that he screams ARROW-PLANE every time he says it like that. Yeah, pal, well, there’s a lot going on beneath the surface here. Now pay attention. Anyway, as I was saying, this is very, very special. Probably sell like mu-shu pancakes over here. Now, I’m going to use the 3-D flight sim to show how flight is possible.If Lucky plays flight sims like I do, all he’s going to prove is how easy it is to stall out an A-10. It’s all a simple matter of physics. You see… uh… well… It’s like this. You take the inverse cosine of air and that causes… uh… the earth to expel these gases which rise and then you can fly.Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a World War 1 aerial ace. What if inverse cosine of air not taken?In Chi’s defense, he’s from Buttfuck, China, and any math education he had was probably related to the perfect arc of a shuriken or some poo poo. Him not immediately catching that Lucky’s full of poo poo doesn’t necessarily make him stupid. He could also totally be loving with the stupid roundeye. Uh… well, it always is. Then why do ARROW-PLANES also crash? Was cosine of air taken to wrong place? Look this physics stuff is very complex. I mean, I was in undergraduate school for 7 years trying to figure it out.Oh God help us, he’s a college educated moron. Here, just watch.  Eyes see, mind understand. Okay, Chi go with you on ARROW-PLANE.And that brings us to this game’s gimmick to separate it from Dragon and most of the rest of the P&C market.  Multiple characters. No, it wasn’t new (pretty sure Maniac Mansion did it first), but it’s always nice to see. Lucky and Chi have different abilities (Lucky can fly the plane and shoot a gun, Chi Is A Ninja) and are useful in different places.  You can easily swap between them by clicking on the portrait on the right. Right clicking that portrait will get you some running commentary from the inactive party member (usually just a joke, but sometimes a useful hint gets thrown in).    Not way Chi. You’ll take the inverse cosine of the wrong air and DOOM US ALL!      Lucky’s kinda like Han Solo, except I want to punch him in the face repeatedly.  Chi also has his own inventory, separate from Lucky’s. For the most part, any items you get can be held by either character.   There are a few exceptions. For reasons that will become apparent later, I gave Chi’s prune, chopsticks, and coins to Lucky, and gave Lucky’s lighter to Chi. Well, I’m glad that’s settled. Should probably stop and say goodbye to Ho. Because I’m a better friend than he is.  Tab? Yes, you have run up large tab for milk and donuts. This not Bank of Ho, you know.Milk and doughnuts. Truly the diet of the greatest of ninjas! Well, I not very lucky today… Huh? Lost wallet earlier. I send rickshaw with money. Oh no, Ho been rickshawed before! Do you not trust word of Zhao Chi? Good word of customers not pay Ho’s bills. I am cutting off the jelly-filleds until I get money.Harsh Ho. Harsh. Well, I guess that settles things here. ONWARDS, TO ADVENTURE!  ONWARDS, TO HERBAL MEDICINE!  Wu’s a very busy woman, clearly. Hey, you know what we haven’t seen in way too long? Lucky being a stupid boorish American! There’s a gag that never gets old!  Hey, you, how about some service?  When somebody is speaking not!American and the game wants you to know what they’re saying, it’s rendered in italics, like so. What’s your problem? Let’s get with the program here! Are you open for business or not? Anyway, the name’s “Lucky” Jake Masters. You’ve probably heard of me. Flying ace in the Great War, successful businessman, one of the most eligible bachelors in Hong Kong… Don’t you read the papers?Oh right, you’re that bozo who got his boat blown up!  I used to know some kanji. Long time ago, and it was Japanese, so not quite as helpful even if I could remember it. Basically this could be totally accurate Chinese text or lines from a recipe for Chen Kenichi’s spicy chicken feet soup for all I know. Is there a Chinese linguist in the house? Huh? Do I look Chinese to you? How about in American this time? I like Wu. I wish he was our intrepid hero.  Wellllll? Master Wu speaking Mandarin. Perhaps Chi can translate?Among the many things Chi is more useful for than Lucky, he can speak Chinese.  Master Wu, how are you? I am well, but you… Chi, I am worried. Hey, what are you guys talking about?In Lucky’s defense, it is super rude to have a long conversation in front of somebody that doesn’t know the language. Esepecially when you’re talking about them. On the other hand, why doesn’t Lucky know any loving Mandarin by now? Oh right, stupid American. Ha ha. You used to have the nicest friends.Like those wonderful thugs at the bar who beat Lucky up and threw him out multiple times in the test playthrough. So now you go around with a loud-mouth American? He is not as bad as he seems. Alright you two, knock off that Mandarin nonsense! What happened to you Chi?He stopped mooching off Ho and got a job. Sometimes that means working with assholes. He actually has a good heart. I think he just does not want anyone to know.Chi knows this because he’s learned so much about Lucky in the… five minutes or so they’ve known each other. Most of which taken up by that very scientific explanation of how airplanes work. Him? He is going to rescue Nurse Kate. I am going along to help. This one is going to need all the help he can get!Are you volunteering to come along Wu? I’m giving you three seconds to start talking American! We need some herbs. Will you talk with him? It will make him feel important. And otherwise we will have to keep listening to him whine!Our hero only gets to do things because the real MVP feels sorry for him. Seriously, if there wasn’t a plane that needed flying and a gun that needed shooting, Lucky would be useless in this game. Well, he also does all the bitch work for Chi, that’s about to become relevant shortly.  Just out of curiosity Wu, was the reason you didn’t speak American earlier to me because you recognized who I was and, well, you felt a little nervous about what to say? Yes, that is why. Yeah, I thought you’d recognize me. So what you need? I guess we need some herbs… Uh, I don’t know, how about some parsley, oregano… No, we need healing herbs. Well yeah, those too. Wu not carry parsley or oregano, and as for healing herbs, ran out earlier today. Could whip up new batch, but in need of some sea gull droppings. Sea gull droppings? You’ve got to be kidding me! Wu not kid. Sea gull droppings contain mysterious curative powers. Bring to Wu and she can make healing herbs.I think I’m with Lucky on this one. This sounds like bullshit to me. So you run along now. Wu very busy.Alright. TO THE BIRD poo poo STORE!  But not before Chi gives Lucky the back of his hand! Huh? You embarrass Chi in front of old family friend! I say good things about you and you just stand back there being rude! What are you talking about?! What’s gotten into you?! Your attitude. Do you not respect people other than yourself?Other people aren’t Lucky, why should he care about them? Yeah I respect other people! Who are you to sound off to me?Do you have any idea who I am?! Have right mind to teach you Ninja lesson. Be my guest!Do it Chi! I’m sure you can figure out how to fly the plane by yourself! Nurse Kate need both our help… I am sorry for anger.No, seriously, if you can get to Chengdu, you could totally pull this off with literally anybody else who can shoot a gun in Lucky’s place. Yeah.   Oh. Good. They made up. I’m so glad. Ah well, as I was saying, TO THE BIRD POOP STORE!  By which I mean the dock. Hong Kong’s weird and all, but I don’t think there’s a literal store where I can buy fresh bird poop. Note that this rickshaw is not nearly big enough for both Lucky and Chi to ride in. Maybe Chi pulls it himself, gives the coolie a break?  Over at the dock, it’s the moment of truth. This is the moment Lucky was born for!  It’s also what this prune is for. Because eating a single prune makes you poo poo instantly, right?  Success! I’ll just have Chi scoop it up.  And this is why Lucky is needed. Because Chi is a loving little girl about gross stuff.  Lucky also acknowledges that it’s gross, but he grabs it. BACK TO THE DISGUSTING MEDICINE SHOP!  Yeah, here, it’s all yours! Place in bowl. Oh come on Wu, you take it. Must be crazy. Wu never touch goo. Let others do dirty work. Yeah, ha ha, real funny Wu.Yeah, seriously. The only thing funnier would be if she pulls a ready made sack of medicine out of her pocket after I give her the herbs and this whole thing was a scam.  Ugh, I got it on my hands! Just wipe on pants, sissy.Sissy? Sissy?Yeah, what he said!  … She really did just take that bag out of her pocket. WHERE’S MY loving GUN?   DON’T TRY TO STOP ME CHI! YOU DIDN’T WANT TO TOUCH THE poo poo EITHER!    AND IF I DON’T?    DUNCARE! GONNA DO IT ANYWAY!    Well. Son of a bitch. Guess I’ll take the herbs and write a bad review on Yelp or something.  I don’t think so. What else do you sell here?  What did you just ask Chi? Never mind. I have something you might want. But keep quiet! Do not mention to anyone. This not legal.I’m intrigued. Yeah, yeah. If you betray Wu, you will regret it! Got ya, now what is it? I have fake passport, should you need to guard true identity. Fake passport? Hmmm… spies always have them… and I did lose mine when that SOB blew up my sampan! There’s a lot more animation in this game, whereas Dragon was a lot more static. It’s a definite improvement. Hun Fa Lo? This is not going to work Wu. I don’t look anything like this guy?He kinda looks like my cousin, Enormous Genitals. There is a risk, I not deny. But you in risky profession. If have to use, maybe they do not check closely, or maybe you plead ignorance if caught.Plead ignorance… about using somebody else’s passport. I’m really questioning my initial assumption that Wu was smarter than Lucky.  Just be careful. Wow, what a dilemma. I mean, this passport is probably critically important because… because… Why would I even need this thing? Lucky doesn’t need to hide his identity, and there’s no way he could pass himself off as this guy.  The polite thing at least is to give it back. Have other item that might interest you. Have map of Li Deng’s fortress.How did you get that? Show how to sneak in.I say again, how did you get that? Li Deng not fighting for Chinese people but self. I have trouble with him myself long time ago. He evil person.Not like those loving and wonderful communists, Chairman Mao will fix everything wrong with China! Nothing please WU more than to see Li Deng hurt, but be careful. If caught, you not try cut deal and tell who gave map! You understand?! Yeah I understand! Don’t worry, I’m not some canary. Okay, so you want? I think Wu’s a bitch, but Chi knows and speaks for her, so I think she’s on the up and up. And a map will probably be useful. Remember, be careful! Now, are you sure this is going to work? You question Wu?!I’d still dearly like to shoot Wu for that bird poo poo scam. Look, I’m in a difficult position here. I’m sorry. Very well. Wu wish Lucky luck in mighty mission Thousand thanks, wondrous Wu. Chi, hope to see soon. Wu wish well. Goodbye, Master Wu.   Alright, we’ve got a ninja, a bag of herbs (with no bird poo poo!) and a map. Clearly we are now all set to take off. TO ADVENTURE! TO THE AIRPORT!  Oh goody. There’s some guy in a uniform next to my plane. This can’t go poorly at all.  drat it, modern politics is seeping into my 1990s vidyas about 1930s adventures! Identification? That IS what I said. Relax, I just wanted to make sure. So what do you need my ID for? Produce identification immediately, or I shall be forced to arrest you?On what grounds? Do I need papers when walking on British soil? I HAVE RIGHTS! I AM A SOVEREIGN CITIZEN OF THESE UNITED STATES AND… Sorry, got something stupid in my mouth for a second. Are you kidding? I shall not ask again. Great! I’ll see ya later. In the name of his Imperial Majesty, I, Sir James Ashberry, do hereby… Now, you might think that Wu’s passport could have helped here. But does this seem like the kind of guy to just casually glance to make sure “Yup, it’s a passport alright”? Humph! Likely story. And what is your name, MAY I ask?I wish you wouldn’t Jim. I really wish you wouldn’t. JAKE MASTERS. “Lucky”. You know, Great War flying ace… successful businessman? So I guess I’ll be going now?Wow, only a brief diatribe about “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” Lucky must be as sick of this guy as I am. I think not, sir! Why not? Surely you recognize the name… the kind of clout I carry?Oh God, he’s still going. Chi, please knock one of these rear end in a top hat out with your ninja magic. I don’t care which.  New? What’s that? New, I do not recognize the name. WHAT?!Ask to speak to his manager, I bet that’ll help! New. N… O… NEW! Understand, you cretinous rogue?I had the best insults in grade school thanks to games like this. Yeah, you need some diction lessons. N… O… that’s NO!You know it’s bad when Lucky’s lecturing you on English. And he’s right. NEW! NO! NEW! NEW! NO, I SAY! Now get on board your bloody plane, before you give me a migraine!Sure thing, Daffy. Yeah, sure, whatever you say.This game is set 15 years or so before Rabbit Fire, the earliest instance I can think of of that joke being used. Maybe Lucky is friends with Chuck Jones?   At last, the plane. At least Lucky had it stocked up while he was fapping about town. Got supplies, that’s good. Got rope, a grappling hook, and a crowbar, probably won’t need any of those ever, should just throw them off. Just dead weight. At last though, ONWARD, TO ADVENTURE!  Also, Chi just calls it an arrow plane now, not ARROW-PLANE! End of an era.    I hope you didn’t think we were done with MEANWHILEs just because we moved on to another game.  Travel in this game always brings up this great Indiana Jones-style map where you can see your mode of transportation, talk to your party members, and see where you’re going. NEXT TIME: The long awaited heart of China, naked Chinese farmers, and Tactical Espionage Action! Inventory Roundup:       Chi sure does carry a lot of “medicinal” herbs. That only he can use. Hmm…     Not sure I'm loving the screenshots this big. It's a great resolution to play at, but a little clunky for the reader.
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Aug 30, 2018 09:09
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Good god I forgot how ... regrettable some of the dialogue is.
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Aug 31, 2018 04:59
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I would guess some of those kanji are Wu telling our ninja friend she doesn't actually need the bird poo poo.
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Sep 1, 2018 20:46
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The Only Time We Actually Spend in China Well, he sure got over his fear quickly.  We even apparently found a place to buy a postcard. Before even landing.  You get this fun little graphic every time a day passes to remind you that Lucky is pissing money away with every delay.  Gotta find a place to land. Shockingly enough, the nice flat looking valley nice and close to the big obvious fortress is the right spot.  LIKE A GLOVE! Wait, that would actually be a terrible way to land a plane.  Not only did we land with no difficulty, we even scored a free cow. THAT’S WHAT YOU RURAL PEASANTS GET FOR LETTING YOUR ANIMALS WANDER! Now, you’re supposed to try and lasso it with the rope. And you’re supposed to try and have Lucky do it first.  Both to watch him gently caress up, again, and to watch him be a blowhard. Again. I mean, I do this stuff all the time, I could lasso Elsie there blindfolded with both hands tied behind my back. That sound interesting. Okay. Here, I tie hands. No, ya numbskull! You try! I want to expand your horizons.You know, in case you forgot that Lucky is American, and therefore is useless for tasks that don’t involve flying planes or shooting guns. Well, it’s hard to say. The only Americans we’ve seen so far are Lucky, who is incompetent, and EA, who is evil. We need another American character so we can see if it’s all Americans who are useless in this world, or just Lucky. Good thing we’re rescuing one! FOR SCIENCE! Chi, naturally, gets the cow roped easily.  No, the angle on your lasso is all wrong, but you’re just a beginner, and it’s pretty much a science. Ye-haw! Chi the Kid lassos cow!I can only assume that Lucky has a thing for wild west stories, and spent the whole flight lecturing Chi on Billy the Kid. That or Chi inexplicably has a love for stories from the American west. Oh quit blowing your own horn! Without my guidance, you probably would have lassoed yourself. With the cow safely stored in Chi’s inventory, it’s time to wait a minute or so.  Probably wondering where his cow is. Well, Chi roped it, he can explain why he’s not getting it back.   Morning. Seems like offering the guy a smoke is the least we could do. Because again, never getting that cow back. Also, I’m about to ask him a strange favor, it helps to have him in our good graces first. Tobacco is always welcome. Beautiful day. Always, with such good tobacco!A cleverly hidden pro-smoking message? Maybe, maybe not. Probably not.  I think the first and third options both work here. Might as well keep bribing the guy. More means you want something.Smart guy. If we could teach him to fly the plane and shoot the gun… I can’t solve all my problems by trying to replace the protagonist with every person I meet. I really miss Blade’s inexplicable supercompetence right about now. And if I did? Depends on what you want. Straight to the point. No use beating around the bush, this guy knows how give and take works. My clothes?Even if he does think Chi is a weirdo, and possibly a pervert. Maybe I should not have been so direct. I know this sounds very strange. Yes, VERY strange, but I appreciate your directness. Most people speak in circles. So you need my clothes? Yes. Why?Why bother asking? Is there any answer that would make this less weird? Is there any answer you’d really want to hear? I need to blend in here. For your protection, I can say no more. So you expect me to stand around exposed… or do I get to wear that strange outfit of yours?Yes, it would be so humiliating for you to be seen by the hundreds of people running around out here. No. Go to the arrow-plane. There are pants in the back you can put on. And you can have whatever food and tobacco you wish. Thanks to there only being one portrait, his nonplussed look here and his excited dialogue amuse me. Sure. Just go easy on the donuts – those are mine. And by the way, what you call a strange outfit is the dress of a Ninja.Kinda wish they didn’t keep capitalizing ninja. I want to make fun of them ever time it happens. Also not even bothering with the low-hanging fruit about ninjas being a Japanese thing. Ninja? So to be what you call a Ninja, one must wear a strange outfit? No. See, the… never mind. We will be back before dark. Do airplanes have keys? I am suddenly concerned this guy might figure out enough to get it to start moving.  Chi automatically equipped the cow when he got it. With the farmer clothes equipped, he probably blends right in. I took this opportunity to combine the hook and rope. Because a grappling hook with no rope is kinda unhelpful. While in the inventory, let us consult Wu’s map.  Well, there is definitely a secret entrance pointed out on this map. Secret in that I could have found it by walking around the fortress. I’d feel ripped off if I had paid anything for this. This brings us to another point this game has over Rise of the Dragon: branching paths. Multiple puzzles have different ways that you can solve them When you reach a branch point, after you take an action that commits you to one path, the game will tell you that you reached a branch. You know, in case your psychic powers told you to save. In this case, I could have skipped this whole rigmarole with the farmer and the cow. Just taken the crowbar from the plane and nipped in through the sewers. Or I could do what I’m about to do, because this way was more interesting.  I’ve only ever seen it spelled Temujin, but maybe it’s one of those things that doesn’t transliterate well.       Yeah, that seems like a pretty good way to get in. Poor cow’s just going to have to take one for the team. I’m sure it will taste delicious.  This is of course the other route. Never could have found this without Wu’s map. Nope. Absolutely invisible. There is a trick to it, of course, in that you can’t go through here while the guard is visible, you have to wait for him to turn the corner.        Sure would suck if I hadn’t grabbed the grappling hook from the plane.  There are only a handful of these through the game. I’m pretty sure only one screws you with a “one choice leads to success and the other to a game over” choice.  Run Elsie! Run to freedom! Somehow!  CHI class-changed from FARMER to NINJA!  The inside of the fortress perimeter wall. Li Deng mostly runs a tight ship, with plenty of well-trained guards.  Started by duckeinginto this little unused gatehouse off in an unguarded corner. Clearly nobody’s been here in a while, which makes it a little odd that there’s ring of very important keys here, which I’ll take for later.  In his ninja suit, Chi is mostly invisible, unless you stupidly run right in front of guards, like trying to run up and steal this tank just because you just got the key to it. Instead, the smart thing to do is brazenly walk in the front door of the castle.  Let the guard turn and patrol back to the left before moving on here. The important stuff is probably upstairs, but I’m gonna scout the downstairs first.  I can only assume this is where the feast will take place? I’m sure those eight people will be totally capable of eating an entire cow.  They will, however, have to do it sober, because I’m taking this wine. VIVA LA PROLETARIOT! VIVA LA VINO!  Huh. I’m sure that will absolutely never be relevant.  Perhaps the shortest lived item in this game, tied with Lucky’s paper turned airplane. I immediately sacrifice my bottle of wine to mollify a guard dog. Kids, don’t try this at home if you like your dog.   I can steal entire roasted chickens hanging from the ceiling, but the dog can’t be bribed with such paltry gifts. Only wine can defeat a guard dog, that’s just science.  As far as I can tell, there’s nobody actually working in this kitchen. Those noodles are probably overcooked to hell.  Up the back stairs of the kitchen to this room, presumably a cooks room. No cook, but I will totally steal this butcher knife. Being an adventure game protagonist is basically a license to steal anything that isn’t both nailed down and on fire. And from there, out the door…  NOPE NOPE NOPE!Alright, back out the same way I came in. Wait until the guard’s back is turned, then up to the room in the center of upstairs.  Huh. Well, this looks important. I lie, this is entirely skippable. But it’s interesting, and gives you a hint as to what to do later if you didn’t stop in the guardhouse and get the key before. Except there’s a bit coming up where Lucky and Chi purposefully enter the guardhouse, so you would have to completely miss the big obvious hanging keyring there to need this hint.   Tong is the guy who kidnapped Kate in the opening cutscene. You can tell he’s the most relevant of Li Deng’s henchmen because he’s the only one who gets a name.            Well, this is mildly inconvenient. Better get this done quick-like then. Duck out of the throne room, wait for the guard again, and slip into the room on the right.  Well, this looks serious! Once again, Lucky is relevant because Chi doesn’t want to do something. Although I’d totally rather try and shoot a snake with a .45 than punch it. Also, somebody’s an Indiana Jones fan.  I don’t know, that sounds an awful lot like work. Nurse Kate, please to stay calm! My name is Zhao Chi. I am here to rescue you. Soon, but first I find my partner. Together we find way to free you from cobras.If Li Deng wanted her so badly, why the hell did he stick her in a box of cobras? This is stupid villainy!  I can and I will. Not worry, nurse Kate. I back soon with help. Oh good. Because if anything happens to her, EA is gonna cease and desist Lucky into a shallow grave. Back outside. This exit I showed when I first snuck in leads to another convenient blind spot in the guard pattern.  Perfect for if you need to sneak in a stupid boorish white guy.      I like that Chi is allowed to screw up too. I’ve never used a grappling hook before, but I assume it can’t be that hard to throw one over a ten foot wall.   Thanks for throwing me the rope, Chi. I’d say “It nothing Lucky” except you heavy as an ox! Almost threw Chi’s back out to hold you! Quit complaining. The important thing is that we both made it into the fortress. And now we have to rescue Lomax’s daughter! I have scouted around the palace Lucky. It crawling with guards; we must be careful. I also find Kate Lomax. She is being held in great hall on east side of palace. All right then; let’s get moving. This is a serious deadly situation. Lucky needs to put on his serious deadly face. And equip his gun. Rise of the Dragon at least had the excuse that Blade’s gun was actually a powered laser weapon that was good for a year. Heart of China will not even try to explain why Lucky has infinite ammo. Upon entering the main courtyard again, our heroes immediately duck into the unused guardhouse.  I’m pretty sure this is just so that you have no choice but to have been in here, so if you miss the keys, it’s your own drat fault. It’s not wise to go a-wanderin’ when Lucky’s in here, because he is not a magical ninja. Instead, make straight for the front door again.  Chi get along fine, but Lucky would be in great danger. Must stay with Lucky.This is the game’s way of telling you that you can’t sneak past the upstairs guard with Lucky. The downstairs rooms are still accessible, but we need to get upstairs to rescue Kate. If only there was some way to create a diversion…  If only…  Yeah, that’ll do. Notably, Chi is smart enough not to knock this over if you click on it during the sneaking segment.   Clearly, I don’t want to go back that way. If only there was another way upstairs.  This is a very conveniently laid out castle.  It’s kind of a jump to assume that just because a lamp fell over, your enemies are among you.    If I was an all powerful warlord like Li Deng, I would totally want a pet leopard. That’s a classy exotic pet. And when it mauls me to death and eats my corpse it’ll be a classy exotic death.  Gotta do this fast, an absolutely no backtracking, because the guards are always a step behind us. It’s the Deng Hwang HQ infiltration all over again. Well, not really. There’s a little more room for error here.  Just relax. I’ve arrived. Everything’s under control.HOPE HAS ARRIVED, BECAUSE I AM HERE! So… uh… any ideas, Chi?drat it Lucky, I put the gun in your hand already. No ideas.Shoot them. How about doing some Ninja stuff? Maybe a couple of chop chops?How about a couple of bang bangs? Ninja chop not work on snakes. Think you better handle this one.Yes Lucky. Handle it. With the gun. That is in your hand. Yeah. You’re probably right. Hmm. What to do. Let’s see.SHOOT THE SNAKES!  That’s what I’m saying! Thank you Kate! Already you’re smarter than Lucky.  Once gameplay resumes, you have the option to stick your hand in the box any time you want. This is what we call a bad idea and you deserve what happens if you do it.  The correct answer, of course, it to shoot the snakes. Which explode in a gratifying but brief spray of gore that I was too slow to get a good shot of.  No matter which cobra you shoot, the other immediately bits Kate. Because snakes are assholes.  Gotta shoot the other snake first, then we can deal with the girl.   By which I mean grab her and run! Out to the balcony, because as I pointed out, backtracking is death. Back the way we came is ALL THE GUARDS!  Whereas this way is a simple two story fall. Chi is a ninja, and can jump that no problem, but Lucky is… well, Lucky, and he’s got Kate with him.  Time is running out as they bang down the door.  The correct solution, somehow, is to untie the sash from these curtains, which is somehow magically long enough to use to swing to the ground.      They’re not even trying to make this look actually possible.        This escape takes you behind the palace. Our choices of movement include a door. Which is super-locked. A window. That we can’t reach. Or…  That’ll do. Chi not think this such a good idea!Honestly, neither do I, but that’s because I know how this is gonna go.  So, we already established that the game really, really wants you to pick up the tank key. You’d have to be a complete idiot to miss it. And if you did miss it, you can’t go back for it, so you’d be screwed here, right? Well, no. In the unlikely event you missed the key, you can use the crowbar on the ignition to pry the panel off. Then you can hotwire the tank. Or you can just not be stupid and pick up the key, put it in the ignition, and press the button.   Well, we’re out of the fortress at least.  Dynamix knew that this was bullshit, so they give you the skip option before you even start this time. I hate this sequence, so I would cheerfully skip it in a heartbeat. But for you guys, I’ll show it off. I hate you all for making me do this. … Oh God help me. > CONSULT MANUAL  Well that is just maddeningly unhelpful. Also, those mouse controls look horrible. I don’t think I’d ever want to try and do this with the mouse. Doing it with the keyboard is hard enough. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-YuRwmi9MY I once again apologize for the poo poo video quality, but this time I recommend watching it over trying to make sense of my scattered screenshots.   If you go to slow, or get stuck on the terrain, the tank behind you will shoot you. The object is to follow the road, stay off the grass (until you need to get off the road), and not get shot.  If you try to take the hairpin turn too fast, you go over the edge. And repeat those two like a dozen times as I get a handle on the controls again.  Did you know tanks don’t float?  If you reach this point, you already hosed up. The enemy tank will reach you and blow you the gently caress up. You need to go offroad before reaching this intersection, pull back onto the road later, and blow up… not the enemy tank, but a truck full of guys intending to meet you at the plane. The enemy tank never finds you after you leave the path.  Glad that nightmare is over. Kate not well. Yeah, well she’ll be just fine once we get her to Hong Kong. Daddy Lomax probably owns his own hospital. You no understand. Western hospital no can cure snakebite of this kind. Antidote can only be found in Nepal… in Kathmandu.Given that cobras tend to live in jungles, and Nepal is mostly lacking in jungles, particularly Kathmandu, which is in the mountains, I feel like we’re about as likely to find a snake venom cure there as we would be in loving Ireland. KATHMANDU!!! That means another day, another 20 Gs down the tube. drat! I thought you do this for more than money! You disappoint Chi.Yeah, because you’re totally doing this for free Mr. “Five Grand and All Chi Can Eat“. I didn’t say I wasn’t going to do it. We’ll go to Kathmandu, okay?He doesn’t have a choice. Lomax will rip his balls off and he shows up with Kate in anything less than pristine condition. Yes. Chi knew Lucky have good heart. Well, I hope everybody enjoyed our brief excursion to the heart of China. Next stop, the heart of Nepal. NEXT TIME: Cat Man Do, the abominable showman, and llamas. INVENTORY ROUNDUP:      This knife had an odd glitch that made it’s picture blank after a split second, took me a few tries to get a shot of it with the picture.
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Sep 1, 2018 21:58
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Catmando Our flight to Nepal is formatted pretty much identically to the flight to China. We can chat with Chi… which is weird, because he and Lucky talk about somebody who they haven’t actually met yet, and I can only assume there was a mistake when programming where dialogue would turn up. But you might notice the new heart icon. This critically important feature tells you Lucky’s current opinion of Kate and Kate’s current opinion of Lucky, both in the form of the icon changing depending on how much of an rear end in a top hat Lucky is to her, but also cutscenes.  I figured any daughter of E.A. Blowhard would be a soft, prissy daddy’s girl. I sure was wrong. I mean, venturing off to war-torn regions of China and helping out like that. She’s one tough broad! And that figure is nothing to sneeze at… firm, shapely… a real woman! I wonder what… sheesh, Lucky, calm down, would ya! You have to save her first!Eyes on the sky please Lucky. And please don’t steer the plane with your dick.   And what happened to… uhh… the white horse… the knight?Well, to be fair to the girl, she is delirious right now. Not sure if cobra venom actually works that way. Maybe she remembers the tank ride as being on horseback? Uhhhh… Thank you, sir knight… you are… uhh… very brave… and honorable… and cute! So is there a… uhh… a Mrs. Shining Armor?Yeah, definitely delirious. Luckily, Chi seems pretty sure that we’ll find the cure to this tropical snake venom in frozen as gently caress mountain territory, and he hasn’t steered us wrong yet, so onward to Kathmandu!    Oh. Well, this could be bad. Probably should have stopped for gas along the way. At one of the many airplane gas stations found between Buttfuck, China and rear end-Penetrate, Nepal. I actually know nothing about the fuel economy of 1930s planes and have no idea if Lucky could have even done the Hong Kong to Chengdu flight non-stop, let alone adding on a flight to Nepal after.     Somehow, we survived the landing.  Yes, alright. How about you? It is very important to watch how you respond in this conversation. Lucky is enough of a dick to do something incredibly stupid given half a chance. This conversation ends in another plot branch, depending on whether Lucky or Chi stays to take care of Kate while the other goes for help. Yes, must get antidote soon or she die. Well, in these conditions, I don’t think she would survive out there, even if we were somehow able to carry her. No, she not survive. That means one of us is going to have to go for help. The other stays with her. Better I stay. I know Shaolin healing ways.To the best of my knowledge, the branch where Lucky stays and Chi goes is totally unwinnable. If Lucky goes but Chi doesn’t have either the healing herbs he started with or the ones obtained from Wu? Also unwinnable (although you can’t give Chi’s starting herbs to Lucky anyway, so you’d have to purposefully lose them). And if you don’t figure out exactly what you’re supposed to do quickly enough, Kate dies and you automatically lose. Developers are dicks sometimes. But only sometimes, for the longest time I was certain you needed both sets of herbs and couldn’t win without them, so that’s a plus. The Shaolin healing technique Chi knows can take the place of Wu’s healing herbs, if you missed getting them or lost them. I’m not actually sure if you’re allowed to get this far without getting them.  I actually picked the second option here, as it leads to a more interesting conversation, but either of the first two will work.. No game. Serious adventure. Shaolin healing ways no substitute for antidote. Just keep her alive until get antidote. Uh huh. And how exactly is that done? No time for chitchat. She die soon unless get antidote.Chi never takes the time to explain how the healing touch works in any of these conversation paths, not even to the player unless you read the manual. I can be excused for not even realizing it was a thing when I was a kid. I thought he was talking about the herbs, which to be fair, you can just use them and skip using the touch entirely.  In another dialogue path, he reveals that his father was a cop who was murdered by an informant he trusted. It’s an interesting glimpse at what shaped Lucky into the protagonist he is today, and most games of the era never really bothered. Again, we want options that lead to Lucky going and Chi staying. Then it is I who will trust you. You do that. By the way, you’re going to have to control that ravenous appetite of yous. The food in the Eagle is too far forward. One donut and you and the plane are pancakes at the bottom of the mountain. I’ll see ya. So this is three things Lucky is good for: flying planes, shooting guns, and wandering off blindly into a snowstorm. Our hero?  Yeah, I suppose this is pretty loving heroic. Still not gonna stop making fun of Lucky.  Like I said, I have both herbs, so I don’t need to use Chi’s healing touch. But neither herbs nor questionable Shaolin medical practices will stop somebody from freezing to death. We have to work very, very quickly here.  Contents may shift during crash landings. There are three interactable items here. Two are necessary, one (as warned by Lucky), will knock the plane off the ledge, destroying it and killing Chi. Can you spot them?  If your answers were “grab the tarp and the blanket and stay away from the food”, I suspect you might have played this game before.   Getting this interlude with Lucky means that you’ve already burned through a third of your time. I meant it when I said this had to be done quick.  With the tarp, you can make a wall to block the wind. Good thing the wind isn’t coming directly toward the plane, I guess. After that, you have to use the blanket both herbs (one or herb and Chi’s healing touch) on Kate in any order. Kate says that it feels good when you use the herbs on her, suggesting that you’re rubbing them on in some fashion. I don’t loving know how this Chinese magic medicine loving works.  Once you’ve put up the tarp, used the healing magic on Kate, and wrapped her in the blanket…  Lucky gets Skywalker’d by the wampa.  Or, you know, a Nepalese kid. Still looks like he’s going to eat him.  Oh good, time skips heal all wounds, right?  But at $20k/day, an American hospital with no insurance might be cheaper.  Oh good, Lucky is alive and uneaten, and Chi is okay, and they have a fire to warm themselves by. I never doubt. Thanks Chi. I was pretty worried. I know you guys were counting on me. Yes, was very cold. We almost lost Kate.Chi, I’m sure, had some kind of magic ninja ability to not freeze to death. As I was slogging along, I kept thinking of you two back there, just sitting and freezing. It kept me going. I mean, we wouldn’t have made it this far without you. So anyway, I kind of wanted to, uh… What I mean to say is that… well, uh…Chi loves you too Lucky. Yes?Or maybe he’s just eager to hear Lucky say something decent for once. Thanks, partner… Chi, Mr. Ninja man! Chi very glad to help you partner… Lucky the Kid! Yeah, you should have seen me out there Chi… Faith has not eyes. I mean, gad, I probably walked ten miles through snow drifts, some at least as high as, well, at least ten feet. Remind me of father’s path to school. Funny. Look, I’m serious. And at one point, I was even attacked by some sort of creature. I couldn’t tell what it was because I was blinded by the snow, but it was furry and extremely large, with these big teeth too… fangs. Hell, could have been the Abominable Snowman for all I know.Yes, please Lucky, tell us more about the horrible monster you encountered.  Or, you know, that. NEXT TIME: The capital city of a pre-industrialized Asian nation is basically a backwater village, right? Inventory Roundup:   Never getting either of those back. Blankets are the kind of thing you only ever need once, right?
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Sep 16, 2018 07:21
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This is obviously a longer game than Rise of the Dragon, but I'm honestly not sure that's in its favor. Feels like there's a bunch of padding honestly, which is a bit troubling this early. I do like the day-tick counter for just burning money though, I think it's a neat idea. It doesn't really make SENSE to me, mind you, since if you hire an amoral person who unavoidably loses too much time? They just decide to not rescue your daughter. I guess my other problem is that I just simply don't like the protagonist here. He's a massive dick.
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Sep 16, 2018 09:31
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Keldulas posted:This is obviously a longer game than Rise of the Dragon, but I'm honestly not sure that's in its favor. Feels like there's a bunch of padding honestly, which is a bit troubling this early. The main thing this game has over Dragon is that I never feel like I'm sitting around doing nothing. Rise of the Dragon frequently required me to use it's time skipping buttons to advance time until something happened. Heart of China always has something to do, somebody I need to talk to, a puzzle that needs solving, and no manual time skipping at all. The longest time I've spent doing nothing was after landing in Chengdu and needing to wait for that farmer to walk up, maybe 15 seconds. On the other hand, this game is a lot more dialogue heavy, and can lead to scenarios like in the bar at the beginning, where your choices can get you kicked out and waste time. Or at the beginning of this update, where your choices can lead to a game over without realizing it until it's too late. This game rewards saving often in every provided slot (I ran out of save slots as of this update and have to judiciously choose which ones to replace, since I still have to go back later and screenshot game overs and any other amusing bits). Keldulas posted:I do like the day-tick counter for just burning money though, I think it's a neat idea. It doesn't really make SENSE to me, mind you, since if you hire an amoral person who unavoidably loses too much time? They just decide to not rescue your daughter. You gotta remember that EA "hired" Lucky by buying out the loan on his business and blowing up his home. He's using the both the carrot and the stick. If Lucky doesn't bring Kate to him alive and healthy, best case scenario he's homeless, unemployed, blacklisted, and worst case scenario he'll end up in a shallow grave somewhere. EA seems like the kind of guy with a little black book full of murder for hire guys in every country. Keldulas posted:I guess my other problem is that I just simply don't like the protagonist here. He's a massive dick. I can see what they were trying to do with Lucky. They were aiming for Indiana Jones or Han Solo, just cram as much Harrison Ford into him as they can. Then they try and soften him up a bit with scenes like the first one in the previous update with him admiring Kate for what she's been doing, or at the end when he and Chi bro out. But they've done such a good job setting Lucky up as a clueless bumbling rear end in a top hat that it's almost impossible to see him as anything else. Truthkeeper fucked around with this message at 00:13 on Sep 18, 2018 |
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Sep 16, 2018 20:17
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Would make more sense for Chi to get the girl as he is a ninja healer wizard, but what do I know?
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Sep 17, 2018 00:11
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TheGreatEvilKing posted:Would make more sense for Chi to get the girl as he is a ninja healer wizard, but what do I know? She might not actually know that Chi exists. He was wearing his ninja mask earlier (and technically I never actually took it off, so assume that he's in invisible ninja mode for the whole keeping Kate alive sequence) and she's been delirious from snake venom ever since. So she knows there's some ninja involved, but hasn't actually seen his face and might not know he's still there. Also, Chi is clearly the sidekick, he's not allowed to get the girl. Lucky has to prove that he's a better person than we think he is and earn a happy ending with her. Also, other reasons, I'll get into later. ALSO! Was screwing around in Rise of the Dragon and inadvertently found another ending that I quite enjoyed. Added it to the ROTD summation post.
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Sep 17, 2018 05:10
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Truthkeeper posted:You gotta remember that EA "hired" Lucky by buying out the loan on his business and blowing up his home. He's using the both the carrot and the stick. If Lucky doesn't bring Kate to him alive and healthy, best case scenario he's homeless, unemployed, blacklisted, and worst case scenario he'll end up in a shallow grave somewhere. EA seems like the kind of guy with a little black book full of murder for hire guys in every country. Ok fair enough. I forgot about the massive amount of coercion.
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Sep 17, 2018 09:01
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I'd just like to say this isn't your avatar, but it really should be.
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Sep 18, 2018 05:36
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DeathChicken posted:I'd just like to say this isn't your avatar, but it really should be. Hey, if you've got  to burn, I ain't gonna tell you what to do with it.
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Sep 18, 2018 06:42
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Major National Capital or Backwater Village? You Decide Hoo boy. Stick with me folks, packing a lot into these next couple updates. There’s a lot to do in Kathmandu compared to in Chengdu, and it feels much more dense. And instead of Chengdu’s tactical espionage action, it’s all dialogue and a couple puzzles here.  Like the textbox at the end of the last update said, this is Ama, she saved out intrepid heroes and took them into her home, and apparently had the antidote Kate needed. So that entire problem is already solved. That was abrupt. She’s… okay. I really like her, especially since she makes fun of Lucky as much as I do, but she’s rather sharp with him. Then again, Lucky needs a sharp object to deflate him from time to time. And while they poke at each other, Lucky and Ama get along in an entertaining manner.  Yep, all problems are solved forever!  Like you could bend over out there and pick up a twig without breaking your back. Who you think drag hero’s rear end back here and find friends? Take look around. Yeah right, and I’m the Masked Avenger. Are my mask and cape dry yet?I assumed this was a veiled reference to one of the pulp or radio heroes of the 20s and 30s, Green Hornet or Shadow or Phantom or one of them, but IMDB tells me there was a movie called The Masked Avenger in 1922, so for all I know it could be a reference to that. I dunno. Know nothing of mask or cape, but undies should be dry.Ew, soaking wet underwear dried in front of a fire is gonna be stiff as gently caress. Then again, Lucky is still fully clothed in the scene where he’s talking to Chi. Is he going commando in his soaking wet clothes while his underwear dries? What? Oh. Well, I hope you got your jollies, Miss Liar. Call Ama liar?!! You have to be very careful how you talk to Ama. You don’t want to be too rude… but you really, really do not want to get too friendly with her. Ama shares her homebrewed liquor with her friends, and the local hooch is strong, Ama’s is strong enough to knock Lucky out for the rest of the day. Diverting is the smart man’s choice here. Give her another chance to make fun of him. There there now, Ama sorry. She believe you. Are you mocking me? Do you realize who I am? I’m THEE Jake Masters…I take no responsibility for that typo, that’s on the devs. Jake who? I’m getting a little annoyed with Lucky’s schtick of not realizing that not everybody in the world keeps up on WWI aces, especially years later. Of course, eventually he’s going to run into someone who has heard of him… but we’ll get to that when we get there.  You not exactly sweet as sugar. Chi, come on, you were there… you heard her. She was all over me.That line has connotations I don’t think the devs intended. Ama is quick to temper, but must remember, she also very old. She deal with life much longer than you or I. Ama has earned right to be grump from time to time. Yeah, well maybe you’re right. I remember my grandmas. They were always clucking about something… Jake do this, Jake don’t do that… but I loved my grandmas. They were the greatest. Mine were likewise, and I love, too. I knew Lucky have heart that bled for others. You did? Well, look, let’s not get to mushy about this. I mean, I’m not about to give you a hug or anything.Truly the epic bromance of the ages. Good. Now maybe we resume our adventure.Can we? Please?  Look ya old… Ahem. Oops. I mean, yeah, we’re finished, Ama. And thanks. Ama worry about you. If get in more trouble, I help. Hurry along to Lama now. You listen to him. Girl better little later. Stop by and say hi.This is the game’s way of telling you that you have one extra chance if you gently caress up later. Better not to gently caress up. Thanks, Ama.https://lpix.org/3238097/Heart-666.png The game never seems to decide on whether or not to use this portrait when Chi talks. I think this is only the second or third time it’s appeared. No, that’s your musk, pal. PHEW!! No. Smell is of baked goodies. Maybe we find donuts? First things first. We need to find a way out of here or get some petrol and a few strong bodies to help swing the Yankee Eagle around.Alright, Quests Received. Need some gas and some manpower. Ama suggested we go see the local Lama (that would be a Tibetan Buddhist religious guy, not the animal). It’s not a bad idea, though technically unnecessary for the path I’ll end up taking.  Behold, the great city of Kathmandu, capital of Nepal. In the modern day, home to a million and a half people. In the 1930s, according to this game, a tiny village. Yeah, seems legit. It’s got all the important amenities. A single house where Ama lives. A bar. A temple. The office of the local dictator. If this was an RPG, that would really be all I needed. Well, there’s one important stop to make before going anywhere else. Luckily, there’s one of those too.  Yes, international phone calls are a thing, but does this look like the kind of town with a phone? Besides, it would probably be really expensive.  Notice that the girl at the telegraph office, who we’ll see only in this one scene, gets a portrait, but Ama didn’t. Then again, due to budget issues, the Dynamix artists were using their family, friends, coworkers, and anybody else they could get as models. Maybe they just didn’t know any old Asian women. So this is a telegraph office?Was the big sign (oddly in English for Lucky’s convenience) not a clue?  You quick.Nobody is going to let up on Lucky, nor should they. Hm? So would like to send telegram or not? Nalini very busy.Yes, the crowd here at the telegraph office is horrible, I had to stand in line for hours. Hold your horses, I’m trying to figure out who I want to send telegrams to. Horses?Ha ha, it’s funny because Lucky’s too stupid to remember that not every person he meets is going to understand American idioms. I’m totally not sick of that gag by now. Do you think I should send something to Trixie?This has been the first mention of Lucky being romantically attached at all. In fact, it’s the only mention of her. I wonder if she thinks Lucky’s dead, what with his house being blown up and all. Trixie? Is that your horse? Ah, scratch Trixie. I like what I’m seeing with Kate. Classy guy, our Lucky. And only getting classier from here. Seriously, I want to like him, but it’s like Dynamix went out of their way to make the most unlikable protagonist they could. Okay, I want you to send a telegram to E.A. Lomax in Hong Kong.I’ve seen enough period pieces to know it worked this way, but I’ve never understood how. You send a telegram to the telegraph office in the city, but how do they know how to get in touch with the person it’s for. Sure, EA is a big-time businessman and probably easy to find, but what if Lucky wanted to send a message to Ho for some reason? Ran into trouble. Stop. Had to fly Kathmandu. Stop. Kate fine. Stop. Will get back Hong Kong ASAP. Stop. Lucky. Lucky should read paper now and then.I’m not entirely certain Lucky’s ever read a thing in his life, why would he start now?  Wow Lucky. You and Chi managed to start a war by yourselves with a rope, a cow, and a gun. You guys are talented.    Lucky has reasons not to want to go to Istanbul. Are there really no other places to stop and get fuel between Nepal and France? I understand there’s this thing called Europe in between them. So you send telegraph or not? Yeah yeah… send this.Ran into trouble. Stop. Had to fly Kathmandu. Stop. Kate fine. Stop. Read paper. Stop. Will contact re new destination. Stop. Lucky. Check. I send off right away. Ah, no wonder Ama handled Lucky so easily. She has bullshit handling experience.   Add another to Chi’s list of established superpowers. This won’t happen until after you send the telegram to EA, but you can’t progress until you’ve done that. At this point, you’re not being timed, but any day-delaying bullshit will result in a game over. So, don’t gently caress up. That said, our next course of action is obvious, we have to go…  …To the local junk yard, run by this upstanding ten-year-old entrepreneur/blacksmith. Apparently, the pile of twisted metal on the far left is a car that Ama built herself.  There’s jokes set up there about woman drivers, Asian drivers, and senior citizen drivers, but I’m too classy for any of those.  Another one-scene wonder with his own portrait. What’s it to you, kid? My petroleum, so if you want, you give what Kubla ask. Oh, is that right? And what does Kubla ask? Want to go with Birdman away from here.Yeah, that’s exactly what this adventure needs, an annoying tagalong kid. He can sit in the back of the plane with the talking dog. Seriously though, this is the first time I think somebody would actually be less useful than Lucky. Sorry kid, I’m not a babysitter. Am not baby! Am man! Man with petroleum!If there’s only one car in this village, and it’s totaled, and no other motor vehicles… why does he even have that gas? Okay, take it easy, would ya? Sure, you’re plenty grown up and all, but kid, I mean, we’re talking life and death adventure. And what would your parents say? Who care? Kubla no longer want parents! This is one of those dialogue puzzles that’s kinda tricky to maneuver. Because you can totally just do what the kid asks, except then his mom comes after you in a rage. Instead, we’re going to do this the… smart way? The Lucky way. We’re doing it the Lucky way. Picking the first choice here. In fact, I hated my parents so much I chopped them up with an axe! You do what? Chopped them up with an axe into itsy-bitsy tinny-winny pieces, you know, like vegetables. You demented or something? Probably. But hey, it solved my problem, didn’t it… though it WAS a little messy. How could do? You mad! I love my parents! Rather stay here than go with madman! Alright, it’s your choice. Anyway, so how about that petrol? Think I mad too? Kubla no give away. What you barter with.I have this thing called money, you might have heard of it? Then again, he is a kid, there are cheaper ways to get what I want. (Going down the other dialogue paths leads to a choice to either take him or not. If Lucky refuses to take Kubla, instead of making him decide on his own to stay, Kubla throws a tantrum and takes off. I think you can technically pull this off it if you do everything else in town first and save Kubla for last, offer to take him along, and then immediately leave, as long as you don’t mind ripping the kid off by leaving him behind.) Sharp eyed viewers may have noticed and wondered about this obvious box on the ground. It’s an empty cigar box. It’s going to get me some gas.  Lucky now has everything we need.  Chi probably didn’t need those chopsticks anymore, right?  Okay, so technically this is costing us some money, but it’s Chinese money, so it doesn’t count. It’s also Chi’s money, so it double doesn’t count.  Okay kid, I’ll trade you a lovely toy car for enough petrol for an international flight. That not bad. Okay, we have deal. Aw yeah, just successfully ripped off a child. Lucky finally found someone he could outsmart. Joke’s on Lucky though, even if Kubla comes through with the petrol, he’s gonna have to use that siphon to get it into the tank. And he doesn’t even have a mint for after. Then again, Lucky's the kind of idiot who would eat the mint first. Alright, tank of gas acquired. Now how to get some manpower to get the plane pointed away from that cliff… NEXT TIME: The Wally Lama, the dictator, and Franklin Roosevelt. Inventory Roundup:  
Truthkeeper fucked around with this message at 10:07 on Sep 28, 2018 |
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Sep 19, 2018 09:52
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Truthkeeper posted:
Honestly, I got more of a "Ama got sloshed and ended up in a ditch" vibe out of this. Also, this game is  so far.
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Sep 19, 2018 18:29
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Epsilon Moonshade posted:Honestly, I got more of a "Ama got sloshed and ended up in a ditch" vibe out of this. Vibe nothing, the text says that flat out. I was just pointing out that Ama is also an old Asian woman, and therefore the lovely joke potential was there.
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Sep 19, 2018 21:18
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If I Ever Get Outta Here, That's What I'm Gonna Do Alright, I guess it’s time to go see the alpaca, or whatever.  This. This right here is why this is a screenshot LP, not a video. Okay, no, this isn’t a video because none of you deserve to have to listen to my nasally-rear end voice. But the fact that I can’t figure out how to pronounce this mass of consonants is second.  Well yeah, I was looking for the Lama’s house. AH, tourist, yes? You want llamas to ride, yes? Can find back in town. Boy, you yes men sure start young. HA, HA, HA… Ahem. Don’t you get it? Yes men?Lucky, please never speak again. I have no actual choice about that sadly, even though I have a perfectly good second character, Chi is almost never allowed to talk to anybody. Also, I guess this disciple is supposed to be a kid or something, but I can’t tell because he’s six pixels tall. No. Well, never mind. Anyway, no, I’m not interested in riding a llama. I’m interested in TALKING to one. You know, the kind without humps. From what I gather, he’s a brainy guy, probably wears his flowing robes kind of high. I know not who you say. I must go now. His Most Holiness, The Walallamallajan Lama, awaits my faithful service. The Wala… Wally Lama? Yeah, I bet that’s the guy.I can’t make fun of him for this one, I already established I can’t make heads or tails of the pronunciation either. I can barely type it. Kinda wish this game got a remake on a later system with full voice acting so I could hear somebody try and say it. Lama not GUY. And what could YOU possibly want with THE Walallamallajan Lama? The second and third options will both get you in, but the third is funnier. The first, despite seeming like it might work, just pisses the kid off. The trick is to outthink him No. I can’t believe it! Can you believe it? Uh, no. You would think that carrier pigeon would have gotten here by now. Pigeons! Can never trust them. You know what I mean? Yes, pigeons. Anyway, I have some urgent news for the Wally Lama. Oh, then please follow me.Yes, once again, Lucky matches wits with a child and comes out victorious. It’s nice that he finally found someone on his level to interact with.  At long last, we’ve made it to the Walallamallajan Lama. What great wisdom does he hold that makes this trip so necessary?  Okay, yeah, he recognizes how Lucky got in. Huh? How do you know my name? I am the Walallamallajan Lama. This is your answer. Wow! I heard you were pretty wise and all but I didn’t quite expect this.Presumably Ama told him we were coming somehow. And sorry about duping your disciple. I just really needed to see you. My disciple understands principles, not people. He will learn. And you, Lucky Jake Masters, understand people, not principles. Let us both hope that you learn that people and principles are part of the same truth. For the first time, there are no good answers. Lucky can’t help but be Lucky, and so he can only 1) Lie, 2) Insult the Lama, or 3) Look like an rear end in a top hat. No matter what you pick, the conversation ends here for now. I picked the first option, but like I said, it doesn’t matter.  Ahmmm. Ahmmm. Ahmmm. Ahmmm. Fun fact: technically, you can come back here later to get some critical information… that you can totally get somewhere else, which is what I’m going to do. The Wally Lama is completely pointless.  I love that these are les common than they were in Dragon.  I guess their little attack on Hong Kong revealed that Lucky wasn’t there. How do they even know his name though? But enough about the petty tyrant with an army who wants us dead, let’s see about getting the gently caress out of Kathmandu. We secured gas for the plane, but getting it moved is gonna be a bit harder. Maybe there’s another way to leave?  Such as the caravan leader at the local dive bar? I’ll try buying him a drink, that textbox seems to think that would be a good way to buddy up with him.  How about a clue for solving my problems? What stranger mean? Never mind. I need a shot of scotch… No, make that two shots of scotch.Generally speaking, any time you have the option to let Lucky drink in this game, something bad happens. This time is the exception. Have money?Do you accept lovely toy cars as barter? Yeah, plenty? Than Bijaya have plenty scotch for stranger. Drink up. You call that scotch? I call whatever customer want it to be. Only have one type alcohol, and customer always right.Well, that is just bad business practice, and we do not have to stand for this!  Yeah, a free round of that rotgut Lucky didn’t like! And why that? Because if you don’t, I’m gonna pick up Chi and use him as a club! Because for all we know, Chi just ninja-vanished after smelling that storm and replaced himself with a cardboard cutout. No need to do! Drinks on house! Can thank stranger for Bijaya’s charitable contribution. That went over well. Now if we could only find a way out of Kathmandu.Well that was sort of the whole point of coming here and doing that Lucky. Bijaya know way. Ask Sardar, large man over there. He caravan leader, can take down mountain. Sardar hate strangers, but stranger no longer stranger now. Uh, you know what Bijaya mean. Go talk to him. Happy to help.  Hey, where’s yours? You no like? I no like. Than Sardar have yours! HAHAHA! Be my guest. Bijaya, bring the man my drink! HAHAHA! Sardar like stranger. But like drink better. HAHAHA!!We noticed. Ooookay. Anyway, my name is Lucky, and… You lucky alright. Land steel bird on mountain ledge. Lucky. HAHAHAHA!!! Right. As I was saying, I hear you’re the caravan leader. I need transport down the mountain for three passengers. No problem for Sardar. Lucky lucky with money? HAHAHAHA! Yeah, sure, riding a yak caravan out of town is the best idea. We’ll just leave the plane behind, thing was a deathtrap anyway. $100. Deal. Each. Wait a minute here… You wait as long as want. Sardar’s caravan only way down. So, Lucky still name? HAHAHAHA!! It’s not like Lucky can’t afford it, he’s still got most of the money EA gave him upfront. Tomorrow? HAHAHA! Lucky million laughs. HAHAHA! What’s so funny? Caravan no leave until moon shine three times on valley. HAHAHAHA!!! So when’s that?The man just rather clearly said three months. Does Lucky think the moon works differently here or something? When? HAHAHAHA!!! Three months, if you lucky. Course, you Lucky. HAHAHAHA!!! I can’t wait that long! There’s got to be another way out of here. Leave way you come. Steel bird. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!Seems obvious, in retrospect. Sardar has probably cottoned onto the fact that Lucky is dumb as a post by now. Well, if I could get enough of you to help me turn it. HAHAHAHA!!! Good luck, Lucky. HAHAHAHA!! Need entire village for that. Okay. Think so easy? Then free village from corrupt leader, Bojon. HAHAHAHA!!! Then is so easy. Okay, so tell me more about this Bojon character. No. Sardar no help. Why? What’s your problem? Sardar say no more.Alright, so we have to depose the local leader on the say so of a drunk caravan driver with no information to work off of. This is the part where I could have gone back to the Lama and learned the relevant information from him. Or…   Just storm right into the guy’s office.  Tourist fools! How dare you seek audience with one of my stature? Out before I throw in prison!Any interaction with Bojon involves walking a razor thin line, where on the one side you learn nothing useful and on the other you get thrown in prison. You can safely end up there once and get rescued when Chi ninjas out and gets Ama, who has some clout. loving up twice is a game over.  But, if you pull things off perfectly… Sink is fine! OUT OR ELSE!!!! You think Bojon just hand over sacred scroll to any loudmouth who happens by?!! No, I figured my loudmouth was an exception. You very wrong! NOW I SAID, OUT!!! That exact line of conversation lets you get out of here unscathed, having learned that Bojon has the villages sacred scroll. This is the same information we could have obtained from the Lama, but this way was more amusing, and is the only time you really get to interact with Bojon. Dare return, and I toss in slammer!With that knowledge, we’re ready to go back to Sardar. But first…  For all the wind-blowing, you nice, sensitive boy. Mother, grandmother teach well. Yeah, well let’s not get too mushy about this. I just dropped in to say hi. Go ahead. Do not be so shy, talk with woman friend. Go ahead now. She not fertile forever, you know.Yes Ama, thank you for your great, if creepy, wisdom. Okay, already. Sheesh, you sound like Grandma Masters.Lucky’s grandma sounds creepy too. Hi. Thanks for stopping by.Kate doesn’t get a proper portrait until later, so I’m sticking with the one I used when she was delirious.  Like so many of our dialogue trees so far, interacting with Kate involves walking a cliff’s edge. For best results, you don’t want them arguing too much, and it’s really easy for these two to set each other off. Standard Han/Leia bullshit that passes for romantic dialogue. Now that you ask, simply rejuvenated. What is it with you women? I open my mouth and you’re all over me.Again, Dynamix writers, that line does not mean what you think it means. Well you don’t have the most poetic tongue in the world. In fact, it bears a rather striking resemblance to a gym sock. I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve that. So what if your tongue isn’t dulcet like the morning sun? Huh?Kate, take it easy on the poor lug. Nothing. So how are you feeling? You okay? I’m doing better, thanks. She isn’t force-feeding you any of her special soups, I hope. Ama’s been an absolute dear. An absolute dear? Huh. Well, that’s good. How are you and Chi holding up?Given that she was delirious from snake venom for the trip from China, I’m surprised she knows who Chi even is. Like rocks of granite. We’ll have everything taken care of in a couple of shakes. Just get yourself better so we can get you home. Okay. Well, uh, I guess me and Chi will mosey on now. Take care. Thanks for stopping by… Oh, I completely forgot. Jake, thanks for saving my life.I’m less surprised she knows who Lucky is, he probably insisted on reintroducing himself and doing his WW1 fighter ace speech as soon as she regained consciousness. No problem. See ya.Such are the things that epic romances used to be built off of in the old days. Alright, now back to Sardar to handle this Bojon situation.  No, but we’re working on that… Speaking of which, we stopped in to see Bojon, and we know he has the sacred scroll. He tell you that? Of course. I ask questions, people answer… OR ELSE!Or else he annoys them into submission. He tell you that he stole from holy place and will burn if anyone opposes him? And that he has gun?I’m not surprised about holding the scroll hostage. And what do you mean, he has a gun? Are you telling me the only thing keeping this guy in power as that the entire village hasn’t rushed him while he’s sleeping? No guards other than the one guy? Of course. So I was thinking, we’d be willing to help you regain the scroll, if you could round up the people to help me and Chi turn my plane around. Sardar not interested in death wish. 30 years from now, John F. Kennedy is going to read that line in Lucky’s memoirs or something and rip it off. No. Fear gun or never fear again. Bojon have gun. I have gun, too. And like me, it’s BIG!Did we really need a dick joke? But he will burn sacred scroll. Not so bad. Not so bad? Just look at yourselves. Fat, drunk, and ragged is no way to go around in life.They really dropped the ball with the model they used for Sardar’s portrait. That guy is skinny as gently caress. Should have seen Sardar in old days. Lean, mean… ladies used to fight over. Face it, Sardar. You’re not even a shadow of your former self because your shadow even scares you. Yes, you are right. Well, don’t just sit there and mope! Sardar understand. Heard beats with courage. But we still need method. Now might be a good time to mention that I never unequipped the gun after shooting those snakes in Li Deng’s palace. So every conversation Lucky’s had in this town has been while he was casually brandishing a pistol.  What could go wrong with arming the leader of a potential unruly mob? Now the people of Kathmandu have a gun!    Hey, Chi actually got to do something!  He’s gonna murder that guy HAHAHA!     Can you just pour gasoline out of a barrel directly into a plane’s tanks? I wouldn’t have assumed it was that easy.  And then the glacier collapsed, and an entire town died because of Lucky. The End.    It feels strange to be leaving with everybody liking Lucky and wishing him and the team good luck. Also, again, I don’t know much about planes, but can they use a snowy glacier as a runway to take off?  And so, the Yankee Eagle takes to the skies once again, winging away toward Istanbul! Where Lucky really, really doesn’t seem to want to go. Well, I’m sure it will be fine. Those of you paying attention might have noticed that Kate is in the secondary character position now instead of Chi (Chi is sleeping in the back of the plane). This opens up a whole new set of chat options. Oddly enough, most of the ones between Lucky and Chi on the way from Chengdu to Kathmandu were about things that happen while in Kathmandu, hence why I skipped them. Must have been a programming error.  Classy guy Lucky. Classy.   Classy.   Guy.   Classy.   Guy. It is actually kinda funny that Lucky interacts with Kate almost exactly the same as he did with Chi (and presumably anybody else stuck in the same place as him for a prolonged period of time.   Classy.    Guy.    Maybe stick to impressing her with the story about the Red Baron Lucky, your attempts at actively flirting kinda hurt. And of course, like the last trip, we can click on the heart to get the current romantic forecast between Kate and Lucky. You know, in case Lucky’s bad flirting and Kate’s sounding him out on children was enough of a giveaway.          Oh Kate, you have such poor taste. Chi is literally right there, and he’s been way more impressive than Lucky.         Lucky being a horny jackass is much less surprising. NEXT TIME: Starting things off with a bang in Istanbul. Inventory Roundup: Nothing. This whole part was dialogue, dialogue, and more dialogue, without picking up or combining any items. Lucky never did get his gun back from Sardar. I guess as Sardar is the only guy in town with a gun now, he’s going to become the new supreme dictator and rule Kathmandu with an iron fist. All taxes to be paid in liquor. Ama’s distilling operation will receive government subsidies.
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Sep 21, 2018 03:03
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Far as I can tell, real life Kathmandu had about 100,000 people in the 1930s. A lot smaller than it is now, but not a little village, either. It was also the capital of Nepal, and Bojon shouldn't be the biggest fish in that pond. Not that the game is even trying to be historically accurate, of course.
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Sep 21, 2018 05:43
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Epicurius posted:Far as I can tell, real life Kathmandu had about 100,000 people in the 1930s. A lot smaller than it is now, but not a little village, either. It was also the capital of Nepal, and Bojon shouldn't be the biggest fish in that pond. Not that the game is even trying to be historically accurate, of course. Similarly with Chengdu, which I'm fairly certain was not inhabited by nothing but cattle ranchers and a tin-pot dictator with a couple tanks. I jut keep reminding myself that the devs are trying to channel Indiana Jones with everything they do here. I suppose it's also possible that these aren't supposed to be the actual cities, but just rural areas nearby, but that just seems like a lazy answer to explain away the problems.
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Sep 21, 2018 06:03
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The Limitless Depths of Lucky's Stupidity As opposed to our rather densely-packed, mostly dialogue-based adventures in Kathmandu, Istanbul starts out slow, quickly picks up speed into a fast-paced hustle (sometimes on a timer), consists mostly inventory puzzles (with one good tricky dialogue puzzle), with a tricksy minigame in the middle. This update will have the tricky dialogue bits, next update fast-paced heroics.  If anybody wasn’t paying attention earlier, Lucky stated with a potential reward of $200,000, and has lost $20,000 for each of the 4 days this adventure has taken. That’s one day to travel to Chengdu, one day to travel to Kathmandu, one day spent recovering from nearly freezing to death, and one day traveling to Istanbul. As a kid, I swore up and down there had to be a way to avoid the extra day in Kathmandu and was certain that it was related to the path where Chi goes to get help and Lucky tries to heal Kate. That clearly never panned out.   What are you giving me this for? Just take it. Look, Mr. Masters! If you think you can just… Good gravy!!! I’m just giving you some cash in the event of an emergency.This is smart thinking on Lucky’s part, probably partially based on the fact that he’s well aware of what’s about to go down. Oh… sorry. On the way out of the plane, Lucky splits whatever’s left of his starting cash with Kate. I’m not sure the game ever actually tracks how much money Lucky (or Kate, now) has, at the very least it never tells you and I don’t think there are enough opportunities to spend it for it to be a concern. But he’s still stupid, because American dollars don’t quite have the universal bargaining power yet that they do in the modern day.  Well, at least this guy probably isn’t going to demand that I take him with me in exchange for a tank of gas. Unfortunately, he’s also not likely to take a lovely toy car in barter. Maybe I’ve got something he’ll take so I don’t have to spend money. Checks inventory I’ve got a crowbar, a map of Li Deng’s castle, and a priceless Lomax family heirloom necklace. Surely something I have is worth some gas. Hint: It’s not any of those items.  Continuing our string of one-scene characters with portraits. Kate still doesn’t have one, the new portrait I’m using for her dialogue is from her picture in her inventory, same as Lucky’s.  I am not authorized to sell you any fuel without the airport manager present. Why not? He has the keys to the pump. Oh. I see. Do you have any idea when he’ll be back? He should be back in a few hours… Couldn’t we work something out? I’m willing to make it worth your while.Lucky, the guy just told you he doesn’t have the keys. There is literally nothing he can do…  You insult my integrity by suggesting something I am entirely willing to do! Also, told you I had something he would take in exchange. Not a very good exchange rate though. Also, ha ha, it’s funny you see because it’s the middle east and women are basically the same thing as trade goods. WHAT?!I assume she’s objecting to the suggestion that she be traded for gas. Women, am I right? Can’t even take being a unit of currency in stride. Right about now, she’s probably realizing that she could do so much worse than Jake Masters. You swine! Lucky would never stoop to such a thing! Right, Lucky? It’s the completely blank text box that sells this for me. RIGHT, LUCKY?!Right about now, she’s probably realizing that she could do so much better than Jake Masters. Uh, er, yeah! I mean, of course I wouldn’t!Aside from the obvious ethical concerns of trading a woman for gas, EA would have him beaten to death if he pulled something that loving stupid.  But yes, clearly the more important concern is the unfair exchange rate. Glad you have your priorities in order Lucky. Well then we have no further business. Good day. Maybe we should call my father. Yeah right.This is something Lucky already intended to do, the telegram sent from Kathmandu said that he would contact EA to arrange the pickup location. Which Lucky decided will be Paris. Since you’ve rescued me you might be in a better position to renegotiate your contract with him…This is true, and is one of many, many reasons why Kate is smarter than Lucky. You know, along with drat near everyone else I’ve talked to in this game. Hey buddy! Know where there’s a phone around here? There’s a public phone in the British officer’s club in the city. Thanks.My history on this area is kinda rough. I know the Ottoman Empire was occupied by the Allied armies after WWI, and it turned into the Republic of Turkey around 1920, but I’m unclear if it was still occupied by the British this much later. Of course, we’ve already noted that this game plays fast and loose with history, geography, and drat near everything else.  Chi isn’t actually in the plane if I bother to go back, so I can only assume he wandered off to get some doughnuts, or whatever dessert pastries one might get in Istanbul in lieu of doughnuts.  I think Istanbul holds the record in this game for individually drawn screens, mostly to show Lucky and Kate together so we’ll forget that Lucky’s a schlub who’s way out of her league.  This is like the third or fourth time Lucky’s mentioned his troubles with the Nabob, but the first time he’s specifically mentioned that it involved his daughter. I think we can fill in the blanks ourselves. Not sure what the hell a Nabob is supposed to be though. Wikipedia tells he that it comes from an Urdu Indian word , though isn’t clear on what that word meant, but in English referred to Europeans who went to India, got rich, then came back home rich and powerful. Not sure what any of that has to do with Turkey, except possibly for the noted British military presence. Best as I can tell, at this point, Turkey was headed by a president, and Istanbul by a mayor.  I went to the next screen and clicked on an orange cart. Lucky isn’t allowed to look at fruit though, because Kate On the other hand, she could have waited thirty seconds for him to buy a loving orange.   You might recall Tong, Li Deng’s right-hand man.  I’m not sure how the hell he tracked them to Kathmandu. I guess if they realized Kate was bitten and like Chi they knew that the antidote to the cobra venom could only be found there. Maybe.  This looks like they’ve tracked us as far as Istanbul already, because everybody in the middle east wears a fez and calls foreigners sahib, it’s the law. Although that guy looks more like Bob Hoskins than anybody form Nepal, Turkey, or anywhere in between.  But enough worrying about the deadly hunters chasing us, this gentleman is running what I am sure is a perfectly fair and reasonable game.  Wow. You know things are weird when even Lucky isn’t stupid enough to fall for a scam.  I’m not sure where the British officer’s club could possibly be. Perhaps this befezzed gentleman could tell me. Yeah, where’s the nearest phone? It is located in the Tavern at the end of this street. Thanks!Not sure why they capitalized tavern there. drat, this place is really hard to find.  I just don’t have any idea where it is.  Maybe this uniformed Australian guy can help me.  Oh, well then, loving finally! Should have made the place easier to find. Maybe have an NPC or two to point you in the right direction. Or a big obvious flag, that would have helped. Sorry Kate, everybody knows you can’t let women into places like this. You’ll get your cooties all over the place. It’s probably perfectly safe for you to hang out on your own outside.  Hoji looks like a stand-up capital chap. Pip pip cheerio I say! See, I blend right in with the clientele.  Pleasure is having a dame do your laundry.I realize I’m supposed to focus on the obvious sexism here and blast Lucky for that… but really? Laundry? That’s the greatest pleasure he can derive from a woman? I’m starting to wonder if Lucky is compensating for something. Certain inadequacies, one might say, perhaps an inability to perform. You’re not a eunuch, are you Lucky?  Yes. Would patron like other pleasure? I believe I mentioned before that letting Lucky drink is never a good idea? Yeah. Don’t let him have that scotch. It really is scotch this time (probably, at the very least it’s probably really whiskey), but that just makes it worse, because he’ll drink it. We have far more important things to do here than get Lucky drunk. We’re here for the phone. Despite it being clearly in that booth over there, Lucky has to ask for it, and Hoji talks like he’s handing it to him. Yes. Here you are sir. Finally, a close-up shot of Lucky’s face. Once again, if I’d played through the entire game before posting… I probably still wouldn’t have used it. Kinda wish I’d used the one of him getting decked back in Ho’s bar in the beginning. Actually, given how much this picture looks like Shia LeBeouf, I wish I’d just stolen a screencap from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Lucky’s the kind of protagonist that makes you wish Mutt was around to steal screentime. Yeah, I want to place a call to a Mr. E.A. Lomax… his office number. And reverse the charges! The name is Masters.I assume international calls in the 30s were super expensive. No, I’M Masters, and I’m trying to reach Lomax! Sheesh! Yes, I’ll hold. Blue tiled walls. Does Lomax have a phone in his office bathroom? Are we talking to EA on the shitter? The name’s Lucky.Lucky, is EA the kind of guy you really want to be on a first name basis with? Really?  What the hell are you doing in Kathmandu? Is Kate there with you? Let me talk to her. We’re in Istanbul now, and now, Kate is not here with me. She’s out meandering. Meandering? Why did you let her out of your sight, you good for nothing bum?! What the hell do you think you’re getting paid for?It would be harder to disagree with EA if the very first person Lucky talked to hadn’t tried to buy Kate from him. And, drat it, what are you doing in Istanbul? Listen, Lomax, your daughter is doing fine only because of my heroic feats, so pipe down!Chi did absolutely nothing, just sat in the back of the plane and ate doughnuts the whole time! As for the change in itinerary, we had to go to Kathmandu to get Kate a poison antidote. Poison! What the… I said she was fine, and she is!Honestly, Lucky is handling this really well. He handles it less well if you let him have that drink first. We’re in Istanbul just to refuel, and then we’ll meet you in Paris. I read about the problems in Hong Kong. Okay, I can deal with Paris. I’m working for the best ending, even though Lucky clearly doesn’t deserve it. Part of that means renegotiating the deal with Lomax, as Kate suggested. We all know Lucky wasn’t smart enough to think of that. Oh, is that right? And just how much are you raising your fee, Mr. Negotiator? We want a decent payout, but no need to get too greedy. At the very least a decent sum of cash and get Lucky’s business back in hand. Throw in as a bonus one of your swank automobiles, an all expense paid trip to Monte Carlo, and free chow at your restaurants.Now he’s pushing it. What are you, crazy?Probably. Perhaps. Well if you think you’re going to get all that, you’re certifiable. Threatening Kate is a low blow. It’s effective, but below the belt. If EA wasn’t such a slimeball himself, I’d call it a total rear end in a top hat move. But at least Lucky isn’t blowing up anybody’s house. Touch her, Masters, and you’re a dead man! That’s the problem, E.A. When we certifiable lunatics snap, we plain lose control over what we’re doing… AND to whom. Enough of this game! Is that what I’m doing? I keep forgetting. Alright, Masters. I’ll give you everything you want. Oh boy, yippy skippy! Let’s meet on the top of the Eiffel Tower, noon, the day after tomorrow. I’ll be waiting.Presumably with a team of toughs to administer $145,000 worth of beating on Lucky’s rear end. And then run him over with a swank automobile. Still, that is the optimal way to handle EA. Now let’s see about getting the plane gassed up.  Me? Really? That’s strange. No on knows I’m here. Huh? Perhaps someone see you and now wishes to meet. Yeah, that’s probably it… some babe no doubt. It’s like that everywhere I go. Oh well, I suppose I can giver her a few minutes of my time. Thanks.drat it Lucky, you know at least one person in Istanbul who is very interested in seeing you and aren’t worried in the slightest because it might be “some babe”. Kate, even if you’re limiting yourself to people who rescued you, how does Lucky rate higher than Chi again?  Lucky totally deserves this.  Because he is dumb.    This is fine. Chi has ninja magic, and Kate is clearly intelligent when she isn’t thinking with her lady parts. Between them, they can probably figure out a way to get to Paris.  I would totally have used this picture for Kate is if hadn’t had the thought bubble right there.  Ah well. Time to go rustle up Chi from his doughnut coma and see about securing some transport out of Istanbul. They can have Lucky. NEXT TIME: drat it, I have to save Lucky Inventory Roundup: 
Truthkeeper fucked around with this message at 09:19 on Sep 23, 2018 |
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Sep 23, 2018 09:17
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Chi: The real hero Lucky doesn't deserve.
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Sep 23, 2018 18:30
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Kate, please, I'm talking to you woman-to-woman here: Lucky's only worth your time in that he can get you to Paris and that's it. Chi's a much cooler dude. He's a ninja, he's much more respectful to the ladies, and he doesn't have to avoid cities because some past crap he's pulled.
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Sep 24, 2018 02:01
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Rosemont posted:Kate, please, I'm talking to you woman-to-woman here: Lucky's only worth your time in that he can get you to Paris and that's it. Chi's a much cooler dude. He's a ninja, he's much more respectful to the ladies, and he doesn't have to avoid cities because some past crap he's pulled. To be fair, at least Lucky is a moderately successful businessman. Chi's an unemployed (when he's not doing ninja for hire work for Lomax) ninja who lives above the bar. And he has a serious doughnut problem. Note how Kate is now stuck wandering the streets alone because Chi wasn't doing his job ninja-shadowing her and Lucky, probably because he was off scamming some doughnuts somewhere.
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Sep 24, 2018 05:16
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Heart of China is incredible for the amount of hilarious racism it's full of. Also way back when Lucky made the paper airplane, the face he makes when holding it made me laugh for about half an hour. It's almost as good as the Blade Trollface from Rise of the Dragon. Loving the LP so far!
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Sep 25, 2018 18:28
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Wow, I this is a blast from the past. I don't remember Lucky being such a huge rear end, but then, I could never get past Nepal. Kind of makes me want to watch High Road to China, which is the Tom Selleck movie this game is probably inspired by.
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Sep 26, 2018 03:20
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If You've Got a Date in Constantinople, She'll be Waiting in Istanbul Welp. Guess Chi is still off scamming doughnuts somewhere (he doesn’t have any money, remember), so I guess Kate’s on her own. He’ll probably show up just in time to fight off some guards or do some other cool ninja trick. Or casually stroll back to the plane while Kate has Lucky in cuffs slung over the back of a horse like a saddlebag running away from the cops.  Meanwhile scenes still start written in Chinese, even though we’re in a completely different part of the world now.   They haven’t really been clear yet about what exactly Lucky did vis a vis the nabob’s daughter, so at this point a sympathetic player could feel bad for Lucky. No. By now you should have realized that the moral of this game is that Lucky is pretty much the worst person ever. It’s still not THAT bad, certainly not up to the “chain him to the wall and torture him” level, but Lucky isn’t coming out of this smelling like a rose. But you know what?  For once, I think Lucky had the right idea. These oranges look absolutely loving delicious.  Wow. Well done Kate. What, did you think that Lucky being gone meant you had to fill the bumbling idiot role and not the hero role?  See? Even the remarkably chill looking kid whose oranges you knocked over thinks you’re a fuckup.  Yeah, being polite about Kate being a clumsy oaf is the only proper answer here. I didn’t mean to do that. Allow me to assist you. NO!The last thing he wants his having her clumsy rear end anywhere near his produce. If it gets any more bruised than it already is he might be out of a job tomorrow. I mean, it not proper place for beautiful lady.We’ve already established that Kate has that kind of magical beauty that transcends culture. Every man in every country wants to bone her. This probably shouldn’t be surprising. You’re a very charming young man. Will you accept some money to pay for the damage?At least Kate thinks more about other people than Lucky did. Lucky would never even consider paying somebody if he damaged their property. On the other hand, Kate only has American dollarydoos. I’m not entirely clear on how easy it would be for a kid in Istanbul to convert those into local currency (shekels, we’re about to learn in a few minutes), so she might well be offering to pay this kid with worthless pieces of paper. You are most generous, but I cannot accept payment for an act of Allah. I am called Hakim, please allow me to assist beautiful lady in any way.Can you fly a plane? I kid, of course. Actually, it is totally possible to end the game right here without even trying to save Lucky. For our purposes, I’m calling that the “worst, but most reasonable” ending. Point is that I don’t need flying skills anymore. My name is Katherine, and I am very pleased to meet you, Hakim.Lomax calls her Kate, everybody in China (and loving everybody seems to know her) knows her as Kate. Pleasure is mine, Kat-treen.And this poor kid can’t even pronounce Katherine. My point is, she’s better off sticking to Kate. I feel badly for making a mess of your oranges.Especially the ones that rolled into the pile of camel poo poo. Won’t you let me purchase something to make up for your loss? Like that flower for instance? Aaahhh. That is rare and beautiful flower. Will not sell at any price. But if beautiful Katreen like, Hakim will gladly give. I can’t accept a gift from you. I’m the one who tipped the cart! Please! It is Allah’s will. That is why cart tip.That is certainly one way to interpret the will of God. God makes bad things happen to introduce you to hot older women. Then I thank you. You are welcome, Katreen. And Katreen, please be on guard in the city. Many who would take advantage of foreigner there.Nah, it’s fine. Kate’s got street-smarts, right? It’s not like she’d ever be suckered by an obvious con man running the oldest scam in the book, right? Well, not right now, at least. Because it’s time to go save Lucky’s useless rear end.  Alright, this textbox establishes that the nabob is a monarch of some sort. King of Istanbul? King of Turkey? Why the hell are they using an Indian-British term to refer to him? Why the hell is there even a monarch in post-republican Turkey? Seriously wish I had an expert on the history of China, Nepal, and Turkey here to answer these pressing questions. Although I’m guessing the answer would be “these things are all wrong and the devs were loving idiots”. It’s a shame, the world-building in Dragon was great, and then we get this sloppy mess. For that matter, Blade was an excellently written character… and then we got the mess that is Lucky. Almost everything else is improved from one game to the next, it’s hard to figure out what went wrong.  Naturally, it’s swarming with armed guards. Not allowed to even try the front door. Probably just as well, that would be a terrible idea. Oh well, palace is too well guarded, sorry Lucky.  I kid, I kid. Only the front of the palace is guarded. This side is completely unwatched. I’m sure that’s because there’s absolutely nothing of interest on the other side of this wall that requires barred windows ten feet off the ground. But there is a woman here, she’s probably more interesting than anything in there anyway. She’s talking to the flowers in her lap, if that wasn’t entirely clear. We’re probably not meant to imagine her with the Wicked Witch of the West’s voice. I’m doing it anyway.  It looks like a young girl. What does she want? Hello madam, my name is Kate Lomax. A friend of mine has been taken by the nabob’s men!She’s quickly learned not to expect the locals to manage to pronounce Katherine. Ah, she speaks again my pretties! But not very wisely!  Almira… is a couple sandwiches short of a picnic. Er, um, pleased to meet you. But her crazy is fun to screencap. I don’t interpret this as her screaming, I interpret it as her suddenly speaking in a deep booming voice. Switching from Wicked Witch to Great and Powerful Oz on the fly, if you will. Now what is this nonsense about the Nabob?You might notice the occasional differences where sometimes Nabob is capitalized and sometimes nabob isn’t. That’s entirely on the devs and I can’t figure out of there’s a rhyme or reason to it. I don’t know! One minute my friend Lucky and I were walking down the street and the next thing I knew a bunch of angry soldiers were hauling him away like a sack of potatoes.Oddly enough, this implies that Kate was totally unaware that Lucky ditched her to duck into the officer’s club and call up Daddy EA. Presumably she was looking at shoes or something and didn’t notice he was gone until he came out. That’s an entirely reasonable thing to assume because women, am I right? It’s totally not bad writing or anything. Aha! So he’s the one who disgraced the nabob’s daughter! I’m afraid so.For obvious reasons, the game is never going to just come out and clearly state what Lucky did, but here’s my best interpretation. Lucky was here, maybe during the war when he was a fighter pilot, maybe after when he was a businessman. He met the nabob’s daughter, who actually bought into his hype and they did what arrogant plane jockeys and impressionable young women do. The daughter was young, they say a teenager but never come out and say how young she was, or how much older Lucky was. If this was during the war, I can easily see them being the same age. The problem, naturally, is that Lucky just hosed the daughter of a powerful political figure. And he’s Lucky, so he just took off without thinking about it. What the nabob wants is for Lucky to man up and marry the girl he deflowered, which is a fairly reasonable demand, all things considered. Lucky wants nothing of the sort, because he’s Lucky. So now they’re torturing him until he gives in. Conveniently, Kate’s thinking falls exactly in line with my own. Lucky’s a fuckup who doesn’t deserve to get off scot free, but he also doesn’t deserve torture or forced marriage, and he should be rescued. Kate can then hold it over his head that he had to be saved by a girl. He certainly isn’t. Isn’t what? Really, anybody who willingly introduces himself to everybody he meets as Lucky deserves to have this joke made at his expense at every available opportunity. Oh… aha… whew… that was a good one! Wasn’t it, my pretties?Yep. Sure is a good thing that there were only guards in front of the heavily guarded palace. Has anyone ever told you that you have an odd sense of humor?Seems to be that the only real problem is her timing, and that no one ever told her it’s tacky to laugh at your own jokes. NO! Why do you ask? No reason. Eh? What’s that, my pretties! Why yes, you’re right! Katelomax could get her man out of the palace if we helped her. What do you mean? We know of many things which transpire inside the walls of the nabob’s palace, don’t we my pretties?! We might even know where your young man is being held! Lucky! You know where Lucky is! Tell me! PLEASE! The heart wants what the heart wants, I guess. No sense trying to talk sense into her any more than we already have. I should try replaying this with Lucky being nothing but a complete rear end in a top hat to Kate and see if she still reacts the same way here. I have this unfortunate feeling the answer is yes, but the devs surprised me a few times in Dragon, so you never know. What’s that you have there?A ladyboner so obvious she’s soaking through the front of the strange outfit that keeps morphing from a nurse’s outfit to a black dress and back? More on that later, when I have an item to show it off with. What? Do you mean this flower?The usual convention for inventory in adventure games is that it’s all in your pockets, or bags or pants. I guess we’re just supposed to understand that Kate was keeping this flower somewhere visible, maybe wearing it or something.  That’s not a thing. Most of those words are made up. The epididymis connects the testicles to the vas-deferens. Angiosperm is a technical term for flower. My takeaway from this is that it’s a flower that looks like balls. I dunno, maybe there’s a deeper level to the joke I’m missing. If you give it to us we will help you, won’t we my pretties?!“Help” is kind of a strong word.  Yes, Hakim was such a dear friend we could never possibly give Almira… Huh. Hakim gave Kate his dick flower. That sly motherfucker.  Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your young man is being held in a cell on the other side of this wall.Like I said, nothing interesting in there at all. Of course, this means that the reason Almira knows so much about what’s going on with Lucky is that she was casually sitting here listening to them torturing him. OH! But it’s not going to be easy for her to get in there, is it my pretties? You said you would help me!To be fair, Almira is going to do most of the actual thinking behind this rescue, leaving Kate to just do the heavy lifting. It’s really like we never lost Lucky at all. And help you we shall, but we can’t do everything! You must find something to cut through the bars with. Like what? Some acid, perhaps. We prefer a mixture of HCL and H2SO4 ourselves. Goes through iron like it was butter.Or, you know, just use hydrochloric acid, since the whole reason you would mix those two things would be to make it.  Still tempting. That’s not exactly what I had in mind. Anyway, assuming you do find a way to get in, you will need to make a quick getaway or the nabob’s guards will surely capture you, won’t they my pretties?Alright then, need to find a way to get into Lucky’s prison, and a way to escape. I bet stuff like that costs money. As I mentioned earlier, because Lucky’s a bonehead, he only bothered to make sure Kate had dollarydoos in case of an emergency. Luckily, there’s always a way for an attractive young woman to quickly make money in a strange country…  Of course I meant the pawn shop, what did you think I was talking about?  gently caress family heirlooms, give me that sweet sweet cash!   Does camel have humps? Of course! It is my specialty!You can tell from the glass case full of cheap broken crap! I have this jewel-encrusted locket. It’s a priceless family heirloom.Let me call my buddy down here, he’s an expert in jewel-encrusted Lomax family heirloom. Hmm… let me see. Is not good time to sell, market flooded with lockets at this time.I didn’t even need to make the Pawn Stars joke, he sounds like Rick all on his own. Well, you could at least take a look at it. Of course. Hmm… how much do you want for it? Kate, it’s either priceless or worth $500, make up your mind. Of course, we’re in the middle east, so we have to haggle with everybody. It’s the law, like wearing a fez. Don’t be too hasty, fine salesman like Kasim can always sell good merchandise, even in tight market. I offer 75 sheckles.Besides the spelling, there’s this little issue of shekels being a currency used in modern Israel post-1980, ancient Israel, and pretty much nowhere loving else. The lira was the currency of the Ottoman Empire, is the currency of modern Turkey, and very probably the currency of 1930s Turkey, although I can’t find any specific details on that.  But I’m gonna get me as many of those historically inaccurate shekels as I can! Within reason, you can’t just start ridiculously high in haggling, there’s an art to it. Kasim’s wife beat him for this, but I offer 105 sheckles.I wish they could make up their mind about whether or not non-native English speakers know what pronouns are. I ended up taking the 105, but Kasim wouldn’t be a “fine salesman” if he didn’t try and make a sale.  Wow, I mean, that sitar sounds absolutely lovely, and of course every girl loves a hookah.  But seriously, yeah, the hacksaw.  Not allowed to haggle on this one. Naturally, I’m gonna want to buy it, but that’s nearly half of my shekels. I think I need to build up a little extra cash first. Luckily, there’s always a way for an attractive young woman to quickly make money in a strange country…  What? I clearly meant this perfectly legitimate game of chance, don’t know what you thought I meant. Not pictured: he actually has a pretty nice animation where he waves his hand to try and draw suckers in.  Would you like to try your skill at an honest game of chance?Games of chance do not involve skill, that is why we call them games of chance.  Ahh, truly one who has been blessed by Allah with such beauty, also is possessed with great luck.I don’t think that’s how it works. Then again, he is a professional con man running a loving shell game, so that’s kind of the point.  Hey, she said it, not me. You sure are bending over backwards to get me to play!Luckily, Kate’s a smart girl who can’t be fooled by such a simple con job. For such a one as you, I would gladly bend over forwards.Hey, keep it clean pal! Right, let’s play. Excellent.  Kate’s a smart girl who would never waste too much on an obviously rigged ALL OF MY MONEY!   Keep eye on pea… Round she goes… where it stop Mohmar knows.Shockingly, Mohmar runs the only clean and honest shell game in the middle east, if you properly pay attention, you can win every time. If you’re not good at paying attention, that’s what save scumming is for.   He also thinks he’s clever by always gives me a chance to second-guess myself, swapping the two shells I didn’t pick in the process. Luckily, he doesn’t actually remove on empty shell, so there’s no need to start arguing about the Monty Hall problem.  I apparently didn’t have the reflexes to grab a shot of the uncovered pea, you’ll just have to cope with not seeing a pea on a table. To see your bosom heave in such a way dulls the pain of my loss!Whoa, buddy! Anyway, 210 shekels is nice… but not enough. It doesn’t actually matter if you lose. If you run out of money, Mohmar will cheerfully cover your bet so you can play (once). Presumably because he likes watching that heaving bosom. Also, if you play multiple games with him, he changes up his dialogue a little, including knowing Kate’s name even though she never introduced herself. Maybe he knows Hakim or something. They are the only black guys in town.  After a second game, where I bet the table maximum of 150 shekels. Note: Kate has brown hair. Clearly Mohmar spent a little too much time staring at the heaving bosom and never bothered to look any higher.  Cool, maybe I’ll have enough to buy that sitar after all. I can use it to butcher Bob Dylan before he’s even born! But first, need to buy some stuff for the Great Lucky Rescue. Going back to Kasim to get his hacksaw.  Sadly, there’s no way to buy Kate’s locket back. I could have sworn there was, and spent some time trying to remember how to do it until I realized I was thinking of King’s Quest 6. Now we have a means to get in the cell (because you know, sawing through iron bars with a hacksaw is a very quick activity that makes no noise and therefore can be done without drawing attention. Next up, a means of escape.  A camel is the optimal way to make a quick escape, right? Camels are well known for their speed, maneuverability, and willingness to move on command. Well then, it’s a good thing you’re talking to a camel merchant, and not a carpet salesman.  Acayib, she very clearly said she wants to buy a camel, not five camels. Unless you think she needs five camels to pay her brother in law back for the loss of his car. I can’t imagine how I could use more than one. I see. Then Acayib offer you his finest camel for 200 sheckels.This is why I went and cleaned out Mohmar first. 200 sheckles will just about clear me out. Is fair market price for camel. Acayib even throw in free water gourds. You don’t get to even start haggling with Acayib unless you have the 200 to start with. Pretty lady drive hard bargain . . . I sell her camel for 165.Pretty sure this is the only time in the game they spaced out an ellipsis like that, not sure why. 135. 150. And that is final offer. O.K. I’ll take it.I’m glad we’re past the point where abbreviating okay was considered okay. And when people do do it, they don’t capitalize and punctuate it. It was pleasure doing business, miss. Have pleasant day. I usually save the inventory pictures for last, but this bugs me. Here’s Kate with the camel. That seems to be the same outfit she was wearing when she was captured at the beginning of the game (although with a much sillier and gaudier headdress). This is Kate when we last saw a picture of her when Lucky was kidnapped. Note the lack of goofy headdress and black collar.  Which fits with the outfit she has in her inventory portrait, which is also what she was wearing when the plane came down in Kathmandu. So overall, I have no idea what they were thinking with the camel picture. Alright, back to Almira!  Well, yes, but we still think dynamite would add a nice dramatic touch to the whole affair.I hope you didn’t think she’d get less crazy while Kate was out gambling and haggling. You will need a means of escape . . . Do you have a motor car?Nope. Lucky should have gotten EA to send that swanky car in advance, I guess. Also, there’s that stretched out ellipses again, so it is used more than once. That’s just even more confusing. I’m afraid not . . .There it is again. Now that I’ve seen it a few times, it’s really bugging me. What a shame. It’s a wonderful way to travel. What about the camel I have with me?It’s a camel, so Almira should have clearly seen it. Except this is an adventure game, so it could very well be inside Kate’s pocket. WELL, it’s not a motorcar, but I suppose it will do in a pinch.She doesn’t seem clear on if it’s motor car or motorcar. I’d blame the devs, but it’s funnier to think that Almira just isn’t sure herself because she’s never actually seen one. It appears that I have everything I need.I’d bring up that Lucky chained to the wall, but if that hacksaw can get through the window bars, chains shouldn’t be a problem. But I can’t reach the window by myself, could you help me move the cart? Ack! To work then my pretties! Heave-ho let’s go! Thank you for all your help, Almira.Yes, thank you for helping to move a cart that Kate could have moved herself. Then again, I guess it is Almira’s cart, it would have been rude to just steal it for the rescue effort. Lucky totally would have done that. You’re welcome. Now get going! You won’t have much time before the nabob’s guards are after you.Yes, hardly any time at all. Just the time it takes to saw through a couple window bars, shimmy in, saw through the chains, and somehow get Lucky out. Not sure how Kate is planning on getting back out through the window.  This is technically the only thing you’ve ever done for him Kate. And she’s back in the same getup as the camel picture. I wish the artists would make up their minds.   Ah, she has a rope that appeared from out of nowhere, that explains how she was planning to get out.  Technically, he doesn’t look particularly innocent. He does look like a man who’s spent all day being tortured, so maybe cool it with the reprimands until after you’ve pulled off your daring escape?  Nobody has actually told Kate how old the daughter was. Kate’s actually the only one who ever calls her a teenager.  That’s what I said. Lucky’s clearly an rear end in a top hat, but there is a time and place for laying into him over it.  Lucky, compared to the situation that you were just in, having Kate mad at you because you’re a sleazy rear end in a top hat isn’t that big a deal.   It’s a camel Lucky. You’re lucky it’s going at all.  Kate’s attitude isn’t helping, of course. I don’t know why she acts like she expected Lucky to be a better man.  I hear camels lose half their value as soon as you ride them off the lot.  The gift of the camel is most welcome, but I am more blessed just to behold you again.For gently caress’s sake, are there no attractive women in Istanbul? You are such a charming man, Hakim. Yes Hakim… simply charming of you.drat it Lucky, are you just not capable of shutting up for two loving minutes? Already I find myself wishing I’d left him in the cell. Watch it, Masters! What? I happen to like the kid. Can’t I complement him, too?To be fair, Lucky admired the kid’s merchandise and wanted to buy some from him earlier. Kate stopped him from doing that, and then knocked it over because she’s a clumsy oaf. And then Hakim gave her a valuable flower because she’s hot. I’m not really sure where I’m going with this line of thought. Anyway, I don’t see anyone following us. And in these crowded streets, we should be safe.Yes, you’re a straight shot down the road still within sight of the palace you just escaped from. PERFECTLY SAFE! Lucky, you are a moron. Not for long. By the way, that was awefully nice of you, giving the camel to Hakim. What a wonderful gesture!I swear he has some kind of disorder that stops him from shutting the gently caress up. Don’t bother trying to get on my good side, Mr. Masters. Whatever do you mean? Stop the act. You know very well what I’m talking about. There’s no really good answer here, but there is the obvious one to avoid. For the time being, keep your mouth closed.Have you met Lucky? I’m pretty sure he is literally incapable of doing that. What?See? You heard me. I’m not interested in talking with you right now.That doesn’t matter, Lucky is perfectly capable of keeping up a conversation all on his own. Great. You asked. Yes, nice man. What do you want? Tell Miss Grumpy, thanks for saving me. Miss Grumpy, Kat-treen, the nice man . . .Okay, bonus points for getting Hakim to call her Miss Grumpy, that’s funny. I heard. The nice man? Did you put him up to that?Yeah, sure, while you were off gambling and buying camels, Lucky set up an elaborate ruse with his good friend Hakim all the way from his prison cell. For gently caress’s sake Kate, do you think? They’re both loving idiots. Clearly, they’re made for each other. Who me? I’ve been dangling in chains up until recently, remember?My point exactly. Yes, but it just seems that things always fall into place for you.Presumably he’s called Lucky for a reason. So, I’m lucky. Haha. Well, okay, we’ll leave it at that… for now.Yeah, there will be a reckoning over this… but first, back to the escape. We should probably go find Chi and head on out of here. You’re right.  Oh dear. It might have been smart for Almira to not loiter right outside the crime scene.   Alright, safely made it back to the plane. I hope Chi got his doughnuts and went back to the plane to wait, because we’re gonna have to hit sky as soon as we’re in the cockpit. I hope somebody filled the tank while we were…  Oh. poo poo. I guess Chi was waiting in the plane for us.  Unfortunately, so was Tong. You remember Tong, right? He chased Lucky all the way to loving Istanbul. Isn’t this the kind of thing that starts literal god-drat wars?  Kate, it’s Chi. If he’s not moving on his own, it’s because he’s loving dead. Those three black blobs off in the distant are of course Tong and his men. They close in as you stand here staring at the wreckage and mourning the loss of our beloved plane. Oh, and Chi. Yes, we have to stare at the wreckage of our beloved ninja as well.  Which would be easier if Lucky hadn’t left his pistol in Kathmandu.  This is your cue to start running again. Oddly enough, back the way we came.  Where this is going on.  I’m not sure how this random kid knows Lucky’s a pilot, and he’s clearly not Hakim. Luckily, there’s one way to lose both the guards and Tong. Conveniently, it’s the only place in Istanbul I haven’t been yet.  It’s not like people really get murdered on the Orient Express, and it’s sure as hell safer than staying here.    I’m pretty sure that’s a typo, he’s probably not asking for four installments of $400 each.  I also don’t know why they doubled it up.  Time to scram.    This plot branch is because of the alternate ending I briefly mentioned before. Kate can totally skip the entire quest to rescue Lucky, buy a train ticket, and get the gently caress out of Dodge on her own. NEXT TIME: Murder on the Orient Express! Inventory Roundup:  I never did go back and buy that sitar… 
Truthkeeper fucked around with this message at 09:59 on Sep 28, 2018 |
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Sep 26, 2018 05:48
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Chi, nooooooo.  Y'know, for a moment there I was sure that the game was going to have you lead the Nabob's guard right into Tong and the gang and make them fight each other.
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Sep 26, 2018 09:12
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Aw man, did they really just off the loveable donut-eating ninja?
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Sep 26, 2018 11:55
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I wonder if this part if the plot was originally set in India, with it then moved to Turkey to get the characters on the Orient Express at the end.
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Sep 26, 2018 12:13
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Part 9: Murder on the Orient Express It just doesn’t feel right traveling like this. We lost a valued friend and ally in Istanbul, one that we can never hope to see again. Never again shall we cruise across the sky, Oh right, and we also lost Chi. This is of course the last travel sequence, Istanbul to Paris on the Orient Express. This is unique because, unlike all the other travel cutscenes, this one is A)required and B) playable.  You get to choose whether to play it as Lucky or Kate, with the goal being to have the best possible conversation to get these two hapless morons together. I’ll be showcasing the Lucky route this time, and include the Kate route in the final wrapup.  Naturally, that makes this the last plot branch. By my count, that makes four, only two of which (which way to enter Li Deng’s fortress and who to play as here) mattered. It was a nice mechanic for the time period, but criminally underused.  Kate has rustled up some expensive ladies’ traveling garb from somewhere. The Orient Express was a pretty luxurious means of getting from point A to point B, but I’m not sure it included a fancy boutique, or wherever a lady of means in the 30s buys furs. Maybe she went shopping during one of the many stops the train would make between Turkey and France. It’s not established exactly where they are or how long it’s been (Kate mentions days later, so they’re at least out of Turkey by now). Yeah. Have you ever traveled by train before? No, strictly foot and wings.And boats, since we know he lived on one (and was in the war, they weren’t flying the fighters from America to Europe). Oh… how are we going to let my father know what happened?Yeah, EA was probably pissed when he got to the Eiffel Tower and Kate and Lucky weren’t there. There might be assassins being dispatched to deal with Lucky even now! At the next stop, I’ll send a telegram. Okay. Thank you.Note that they’re both being just a little too polite (especially Lucky), a little stilted and forced. Yeah, they haven’t had that talk about what a douchebag Lucky is yet.  Possibly because Lucky is drowning his sorrows over losing his plane in whiskey. Okay, I joke, but it really is Chi he feels bad about losing. For all I’ve griped about our shithead protagonist, he really did come to like and respect Magic Ninja Man as a friend and comrade. And then he died in what was probably a trap meant for Lucky. That had to hurt a lot. And Lucky’s not the kind of guy to cope with loss in a healthy manner. Yeah, well we don’t always get our wishes, do we? I can’t tell you how sorry I am about… Chi. I know you two were close friends.I mean, Lucky knew him for two days longer than Kate did. I guess she just never bothered trying to befriend Magic Ninja Man because he was just the hired help’s hired help. Note the pause as she takes a second to remember what his name was. Or, you know, she just never really had as much time to talk to Chi as Lucky and I’m purposefully reading way too much into this for shits and giggles. He was my… friend. OH, SCREW THIS! Please! You know, you’re really something. You sit there, shooting the breeze, pretending like nothing’s wrong. But I can tell what’s going on here… the way you’re looking at me… I mean, my best friend in the world just…Lot to unpack here. Where before Lucky was talking about Kate regularly undressing him with her eyes, this time he clearly means the way she thinks he’s a slimy rear end in a top hat because he hosed the nabob’s daughter and isn’t doing a good job of hiding it. Also, Chi, the guy Lucky met less than a week ago, was his best friend in the world. That is a sad, lonely life our Mr. Masters leads. I guess before he had people he was friendly with, he had a business partner in the background story (who ran off with his secretary and the company finances right before EA bought out their loan) but we never hear about him having actual friends. All his stories are always about things he did alone. My point is Lucky’s kind of pathetic. EA blowing up his home and blackmailing him into saving Kate was probably the best thing that ever happened to him. Look at you in what way? Don’t play dumb with me sister. I can tell you’re all steamed up about what happened in Istanbul. Actually, I was worried about you, about what you were feeling… and I was concerned about your health. You haven’t had a decent meal in days, and here you are filling yourself with booze. But since you chose to bring up the subject, I do have a few things I’d like to say.Kate, your timing is absolutely terrible. Going along with the touchy subject brought up by the angry drunk is not wise, and not usually a good way to get along with people. The fact is I saved your life. Why? I don’t know. Men who treat women like playthings deserve to dangle from chains.That’s… harsh and unfair. Lucky was being actively tortured, you can’t really say he deserved any of that.  One thing I like about this sequence, all of these conversation branches can result in the good ending. The way you have to handle it changes depending, but none of these three will lock you out. Some of them result in learning new things about Lucky, because, you know, the last ten minutes is a great time to flesh out your protagonist. There’s no way Lucky comes out of this smelling like a rose, but the straight facts of the matter (assuming that Lucky isn’t lying through his teeth, and we’ve established by now that he’s a lovely liar) are that the girl came onto him, he was too dumb, naïve, and horny to say no, but things didn’t work out between them because he’s Lucky and he ended up bailing soon after. He admits that it was a mistake and not one that he would make again. But that’s enough of that, we’re going to take my favorite path through this conversation: the one where Lucky gets made fun of. Starting from the second choice there. …got me drunk, did a little belly dance to set the mood then jumped on me. I tried to fight her off but she was like a banshee. She made me feel cheap. Oh, I bet you fought real hard.I’m with Kate on this one. I totally believe the girl came onto him because I can’t imagine any scenario in which Lucky could successfully seduce a woman without loving it up, but he definitely didn’t even try to resist. I did. But it’s like I always say, hell hate no furry like a woman scorned.No, that’s not a typo, either on my part or the writers. Lucky really is just that dumb. That’s fury, and Congreve said it.Kate, now is not the time to one-up Lucky with your high-falutin’ edumacation about 17th century English playwrights. I don’t care what Concrete said, I say furry. So what’s hell’s furry?Sailor Bubba in a fox suit, probably. drat it, now I need a loving drink for picturing that.  No matter which conversation path you go down, the rules are more or less the same. You don’t want to jump down Kate’s throat every time she gets one over on Lucky (engaging in a battle of wits with an unarmed man is unsporting anyway), you don’t want to come on too strong, and you don’t want Lucky to put up emotional barriers and refuse to tell her things. Giving her openings like this helps. That’s quite the METAPHIE, Mr. Masters. He he he.Seriously, making fun of Lucky for being uneducated is mean, but he kinda has it coming by trying to talk like he knows what the gently caress he’s talking about. What’s so funny? Oh, nothing. He he. Stop that! I’m sorry. You’re just so irresistibly cute!Really not seeing the attraction here. He’s cute because he’s stupid and oblivious?  Raffish, right, he he he.Not actually another Lucky malapropism, it turns out raffish is a synonym for rakish. Meaning he’s attractively unconventional and disreputable. I guess that’s what the game wants us to believe. The devs really want us to buy that Lucky is Han Solo in 1930s Asia, they’re just doing a really lovely job of it. Stop laughing! I’m sorry, I just have this vision of you in one of those outfits, and you’re absolutely adorable!Thanks Kate, really needed another horrible mental image. ADORABLE! !! That’s even worse!!! It’s all my mom and grandma’s fault. What’s that? The reason I’m cute… It’s because I was raised by mom and grandma. They always fussed over me.Frankly, I’m sure your mother was thrilled when you managed to tie your own shoes. I probably would have fussed over you, too. So what happened to your father? Kate really is prying in a way that’s probably not kosher considering these two have known each other for like four days. But again, jumping down her throat and closing up are both bad options. The first option is ideal, it answers her question in a way that reminds her how rude it was to ask it. I’m sorry, I, uh, didn’t know. I… I’m very sorry. Yeah.Note that Kate’s mother has never been mentioned (and never will be). It’s very possible she also lost a parent at a young age and can emotionally connect with Lucky over this… but I feel like it’s funnier to assume EA is the kind of guy who keeps his wife in a box and only takes her out and dresses her up when he needs to go to social functions. Then back in the box at the end of the night. You must be very close to your mother and grandmother.Remember the scene with Chi back in Ama’s house at the beginning of Kathmandu. Lucky really loved both his grandmas. It helped him find common ground with Chi. Yeah, they’re great ladies… I should say grandma Masters was, mom still is. I’m sorry, I keep bringing up…Dad dead, grandma dead, Magic Ninja Best Friend dead. Everybody who Lucky gets close to loving dies. The dead. I’m sorry. That’s alright. When you’re religious like I am, you believe in bringing up the dead. It’s called resurrection.This has been the only mention of Lucky’s religious leanings, but it’s not particularly shocking. It’s also not shocking that he’d use it to build up a joke. Ha ha… You must miss your grandmother.And your dad. And Chi. Yeah, I do, but I know she’s up there, watching me, guiding me along.Dad and Chi are totally burning in Hell though. Ninjaing is a sin, it’s in the bible. Let’s toast. The reaon the sun rises, how poetic. Two typos in one box, clearly QA was running out of steam by the time they got here.  Kate: But what the hell’s a reaon, and who’s Grandma Master? Ah well, Kate and Lucky are getting on like a house on fire, all danger is left behind forever, I guess it’s time to call this game…  Oh, right, Tong. That is one seriously dedicated henchman. He tracked them clear across three countries, and apparently has either been waiting on the train for the proper moment or else caught up to the train later. I would be honestly impressed if I knew anything about this bad guy other than he’s persistent as gently caress.  Not sure how he was planning on killing Lucky and re-kidnapping Kate from the train.  A sword! That’s no problem, Indiana Jones tauhgt me how to deal with swordsmen! Unfortunately, Lucky’s gun is still in loving Kathmandu. I’m sure Sardar has already seized power and rules with an even harder iron fist than Bojon did. Also, note Lucky bravely… running the gently caress away while Tong menaces Kate. I guess the implication is that he’s luring Tong away, but it doesn’t really come across that way here.  No we’re not allowed to know how Lucky managed to get out of his chair, out of the car, and up onto the roof without getting stabbed.  But yeah, things are looking pretty bad for our intrepid hero right about now.  Luckily for Lucky (how did I make it through this whole LP without ever using that pun?), he apparently had a sword on him this entire time! So Lucky gets to engage Tong in a daring swordfight on top of the Orient Express, jumping from car to car, ducking tunnels and bridges, and stabbing each other so many times they should both be dead.  The goal is to maintain a fierce assault, pushing Tong to the edge of each car, at which point he’ll fall back and Lucky will chase him.  Despite being tall enough for two grown men to duel on top of the train, these tunnels have entrances low enough that you need to duck or get knocked off and die. Once you’ve chased him to the last car, it will be disconnected. I complained a bunch about how much I hate the tank sequence, but gently caress me, I forgot how much of a pain in the rear end Tong is. I beat him once in practice, and then couldn’t manage to duplicate the feat to get a video. If I try again and pull it off while recording later, I’ll edit the video in later.     Yeah, that’s how trains work, right? Cars just explode after they’ve been uncoupled. Saves on cleanup.  Well good on them. These two knuckleheads deserve each other.   Kate, is this really the best time to critique Lucky’s technique?  That was all of course the series of events for getting the best ending. Obviously, if you hosed up the conversation before Tong shows up, or didn’t stop in to see Kate after she woke up at Ama’s house, or if you hosed up that conversation, Lucky and Kate won’t get together, which would be symbolized by the heart icon here being iced over. But I managed to do everything right, and so Lucky has landed a girl way out of his league.  You’ll note, since Lucky renegotiated with EA, he isn’t losing money for every day that passes anymore, so no more flying money screens. And so we’ve reached Paris, the end of Lucky’s journey to rescue Kate. Sure he had to sacrifice his plane, his best friend, and his dignity to pull it off, but in the end, he saved her, she saved him, and EA is either going to pay up or shoot him. I dunno, I can’t get a read on how trustworthy Lomax actually is.  You know, based off the fact that she disappeared into mainland China to practice medicine, I kinda ran with the assumption that Kate doesn’t like her father much. I guess that’s probably not the case though.  EA, of course, for all that he’s a horrible, wretched pile of scum who makes Lucky look like the best men, does love his daughter. He loves her so much he’d threaten and blackmail an entirely unqualified pilot to go and save her and try to avoid having to pay him.  It’s a good effort Lucky, but Blade clearly has you out-trollfaced.  “Now that you’ve come through on your end of the bargain, I see no need for me to hold up mine.”   Sorry Lucky, I don’t think you’re getting that car.  But wait, Kate steps in and gives her father what for! And of course they’re loving getting married despite knowing each other for a couple weeks. It’s not like anybody else could ever put up with the pair of them. Well, maybe Chi, but I don’t know any country where you can marry dead men. Kate’s clearly taking the best option left to her and running with it.  And as a bonus, it’s making Daddy Lomax have a conniption.  I’m not sure what the future holds for these two after the honeymoon. Back into backwoods China to continue healing the sick, but with Lucky as bodyguard? Back into Hong Kong to continue squeezing a living out of questionable exports, but with Kate as secretary? Mooch off Daddy Lomax for the foreseeable future?    Well, I can only assume the foreseeable future involves a hotel room and a broken bed.  “You can’t marry him! He’s so much lower-class than we are! He’s practically colored for God’s sake!”  I feel like they missed something by not having this screen start out in Chinese. Or at least in French.  I can only assume hotels with good views of the Eiffel Tower are probably expensive as gently caress. Either they did decide to mooch off EA or they’re burning through Lucky’s pay. Also, note the robes and not much else. That bed is probably loving destroyed, or at least needs to be aired out. What can I say? I mean, I feel the same way.Lucky will slowly, with much prodding, probably turn into a decent man.  Must be room service. THE DOOR IS OPEN! Oh no, Tong is back to make one last attempt to kill Lucky with an exploding souffle!  Oh my God! Or, you know, Chi is miraculously back from the dead. Chi, you’re miraculously back from the dead! Tell us the story of how you survived!  Even Lucky can’t manage to bluster through how happy he is to see Chi. So, story of miraculous survival?  That’s it? Oh gently caress you Magic Ninja Man.  Ha ha ha, the real room service guy is probably dead in a dumpster so Chi could steal his clothes and cart. No planes to make him sit naked in after all. You think I let you put check in the mail? Or jelly-filled? Check, maybe, but jelly-filled? Never!Of course, given that they thought Chi was dead and had no information on his next of kin, it’s not like they were going to mail a check anyway.     And… FREEZEFRAME! Cut to end credits. Unlike Rise of the Dragon, Heart of China’s good ending is also the most likable one. This is the only ending where you get to find out Chi survived, that helps a lot. But I also like seeing Lucky and Kate get together, considering how hard I worked to make it happen. Presumably, Kate is happy enough with her choice that she isn’t going to throw Lucky over for Chi now. But maybe Chi knows some ancient ninja menage a trois secrets? NEXT TIME: Bad endings, games over, and whatever other fiddly bits I think about. Inventory Roundup: Well, obviously nothing, but I still want to know where Lucky got that sword from.
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Sep 29, 2018 04:50
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He got that sword from the same itempack every
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Sep 29, 2018 05:36
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Yay, Chi lives!  As for Kate hooking up with Lucky, well, it's her decision. I still think it's not a great one. 
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Sep 29, 2018 07:12
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Chi lived! Ten out of ten game just for that. This game was certainly unique. Thanks for the LP.
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Sep 29, 2018 09:56
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Oh, wow. I was so little the last time I tried to play HoC that I don't think I even saw the plane. This is quite... something, alright. It's got its moments tho. Truthkeeper posted:
Truthkeeper posted:
Truthkeeper posted:
Now I'm kinda wishing that every Harrison Ford role had gotten the Dynamix treatment.
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Sep 30, 2018 13:00
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Of all the things to copy from Indiana Jones, 'inappropriate relationship with a teenager' was really not necessary. I caught up on this late, but thanks for the LP!
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Oct 11, 2018 15:53
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That’s All She Wrote Fewer highlights here than in Rise of the Dragon, but there are a few things I felt needed to be mentioned. Plot Branches  So, I pointed out the plot branches as we passed them. What if I had actually taken the other branches? Plot Branch 1: Entering Li Deng’s Fortress  Rather than getting the cow and the farmer’s clothes, sending Chi in through the front gate, and having him throw a rope to help Lucky climb over the wall, you could also just walk ten feet to the left of the front gate, to the sewer that was pictured on Wu’s map. Note the guard up on the wall. He patrols back and forth, and will spot Lucky and Chi if you try to get in while he can see. But is patrol takes him off toward the front gate sometimes, and you can dip in while his back is turned.  Nice and easy, no cows or naked farmers required.  Naturally, this made no noise, attracted no attention, everything is fine.  Or maybe it did get somebody’s attention.  There’s nothing saying one way or another if this is some kind of automatic system triggered by a pressure plate of some sort or if somebody noticed Lucky and Chi going in and hit a lever or something.  Either way, not getting back out that way.  Which, since that was the only light source, means we’re in the dark now. If only Lucky carried some kind of portable light source.  And that’s why Lucky had a lighter in his starting inventory. Now Lucky and Chi can travel through a few nearly identical tunnels. In order to keep seeing, you have to drop the lighter so it appears next to the secondary character there. This is the only time you’re required to do this (you can drop any item like this, there’s just usually no point), and unlike any other time, the lighter will keep traveling with you from screen to screen.  This screen is only slightly different than the others, because WOODEN BEAM!  Yeah, I’m sure pulling out support beams is perfectly safe.  The tunnel ends in this open cavern with a hole in the ceiling too small to climb through. If only I had something big and heavy to tear at the edges with.  Yeah, like that! Although that’s much longer than 3 feet, that thing looks nearly as tall as Chi himself.  Chi climbed up through the hole and is now lifting Lucky up. I’m telling you this because the game seems to have neglected to mention it, or even change the artwork.  And that gets you into the fortress. Although you have to go outside to grab the tank key before saving Kate. Plot Branch 2: Save Kate/Go For Help I already mentioned how this one goes, if Chi goes for help and Lucky stays to save Kate, Kate dies. I’ll include the scene with the game overs. Plot Branch 3: BOJON! Okay, let’s assume for a second that a very reasonable person might consider that Bojon, the evil ruler of Katmandu, has one armed thug backing him up. Sure, Chi was useless in the face of an entire fortress full of armed guards, but he can probably take one guy, right?  Admittedly, a plan might have been good, rather than strolling right up to his desk and stating your intent to depose him.    Um, Chi? You seem to have let the thug pull his gun. Why is his arm not already broken?  Oh God drat it Chi you loving coward. Also, Lucky, the thug just dropped his gun, why is yours not already in his face?  Well, whatever Chi is up to, Lucky’s playing along.  So, right about now things look pretty bad for ol’ Lucky. And you’ll recall he’s the only one who can do poo poo in this town.  gently caress you too Bojon. I appreciate that you didn’t kill Lucky, forcing me to add this to the game overs, but WHY DIDN’T YOU KILL HIM?  Or, you know, you could have beaten Jyapu with your ninja violence, beaten Bojon with your ninja violence, and saved the town all by yourself. Well, Chi is useless. Lucky was already useless, but is also in jail. Time to go get the real hero to save him.  Not so Lucky. Was imprisoned by Bojon. Bojon?! That good for nothing nephew of mine! He your nephew? Yes. Son of my brother, Pyanu. He black yak of family. Has screw loose or something. No wonder Bojon turn out so rotten. Think can appeal to Bojon for family favor, ask to let Lucky free? Think can put Bojon over knee if not let Lucky free!  Seriously, Ama is the best character in this branch. Cut crap, nephew. You imprison friend. I want you to let free at once! If you mean partner of that one, sorry but… You no hear well, is that problem?  Most welcome. Ama always happy to save you, cutie.She and Lucky get along better in this branch too. I clearly should have included it in the main playthrough, I’d forgotten how good it is. Of course, I could have escaped myself. In fact, just as you arrived, I was in the process of putting my plan into effect. See, I was going to…Of course, Lucky gotta Lucky. Hush, Ama must rush home now to woman friend, and also left kettle of chicken brain noodles soup on stove. How’s she doing? She better. Ready to leave in not too long. Come by later, visit with lady friend, try soup. Brain noodles melt in mouth. Mmmm, mmm, good! Oooo. Sounds yummy. Maybe we’ll swing by later. Tell Kate, uh… hi. Hi? Well, why don’t you chime in some sentiments for us? Ama cross toes for you two! It’s easy to forget that Bojon has been here for this whole scene. On the downside, if you go with this plot branch, you have to find out about the scroll from the Lama. Actually, that’s pretty good. I totally should have gone with this branch for the main playthrough. Plot Branch 4: The Bad Ending Just like Rise of the Dragon, there’s another ending you can get based on your actions at the end of the game. I briefly mentioned this earlier. Cast your minds back to when Lucky was captured by the Nabob’s guards. Well, that’s a good question Kate. Lucky has been arrested for poo poo he totally did. You could go through all the trouble of staging a jailbreak to save the worthless weasel. Or…                         This is, of course, a combination of your last warning and the game begging you to save Lucky, even though he doesn’t deserve it. The best they can do is try to make our protagonist an object of pity.  You have the choice here to either go back and do the series of events to save Lucky… or you could not.              Like the bad ending in Rise of the Dragon, this one makes a lot of sense, and is fairly satisfying. But I don’t like it as much, because it just makes Kate seem like a bad person to have her abandon Lucky after he risked his life saving her. Then again, it’s not like Lucky is being killed. Just tortured and threatened with death. I’m kinda curious as to what happened to Chi in this branch. Plot Branch 5: Kate Woos Lucky This one is actually a very nice touch. In the main playthrough I showed Lucky successfully navigating the verbal minefield with Kate, managing to woo her before Tong showed up to start a swordfight. But you can also do that segment as Kate (the dialogue, not the swordfight, unfortunately). The dialogue goes exactly the same as the Lucky branch until Lucky points out that she’s still pissed about what she learned about him in Istanbul.  You might note that what Kate actually said (being concerned for his mental and physical health because of Chi’s death and how much he’s drinking) isn’t an available dialogue option. Well… uh… maybe you’re… I mean… Yes? Maybe you… felt bad… because… uh… you’re a little jealous?Lucky, you are dumb and you should feel dumb. No. No? That’s it? Yes. No, that’s it. Ha has. Something like that. Huh? So you’re not at all mad at me? Oh really? Really. And how do you propose you’re going to make me make it up to you? Intuition? I’ve heard a lot about that. So what’s yours telling you? I don’t want to influence your decision, Lucky. Well, what am I supposed to be deciding about, anyhow? How you’re going to treat people in the future. Well… Just tell me what you’re thinking. I… I don’t know. I’m feeling a little light-headed all of a sudden. Maybe I had too much to drink. And maybe you care more than you sometimes show… or that we are able to see. Well, I do… I mean I’m not that bad of a guy. No, you’re not. Thanks. Just be yourself Lucky. That’s all anyone wants. That’s all I want.Pretty sure Lucky being himself is what got him into trouble in the first place. Really? Here, I better whisper. I don’t want anyone to hear this!      Any successful wooing on Kate’s end ends with her whispering and Lucky’s surprise (and the toast, and Tong). We are of course far too gentlemanly to suggest what she might be suggesting. But I’m thinking it very loudly. I actually like this version of the romance a little better than Lucky’s side, but it seems artificial that they just aren’t even talking about Lucky deflowering the Nabob’s daughter, whereas it was a major feature in Lucky’s side. Some combination of both conversations would probably work best. Of course, there are other paths through both conversations that can still work. The Many Games Over of Lucky Jake Masters Game Over 1: Lucky is Dumb Hey, remember this brief scene from way back in the beginning of the LP?  Well…  Okay, going back to see him a second time doesn’t go badly. What if I bug him just once more…     Gee Lucky, maybe your mistake was doing exactly what the rich sociopath kept telling you not to do over and over. Then again, at least he isn’t dead. Game Over 2: Single Player Mode So let's say things get a little rough when you're looking for Chi at Ho's bar, and you get thrown out.  Waiting a day means losing money, and how could a ninja possibly help the great war hero Lucky Jake Masters? He can go it alone.  The Chi-less route is made immediately easier because some other schlub is on guard duty and Lucky can jsut stroll right onto the plane.  Yeah, nothing can go wrong now!  Lucky, you're an ace pilot. This is literally the only thing you're good at. HOW ARE YOU loving THIS UP? Chi was the one to tell Lucky "Don't land there" whenever he tried to land in a bad spot in the main game. Here?   Yeah, no. I was pretty convinced that there was a way to successfully land without Chi and get stuck not being able to get into the fortress (the front gate requires Chi to rope the cow and talk the farmer out of his clothes, the sewers require two people to pry open) but I can't seem to replicate it, so I must have just imagined that route. Game Over 3: drat You Wu! Speaking of brief early scenes…  Let’s just suppose I had taken Wu’s offered passport.  I mean, there was a time right after this when I needed a passport and only got out of it with a shittily executed Bugs Bunny routine.  Except…                  Not surprisingly, that went badly. But it is amusing that it went badly for a completely different reason than expected. Also, Lucky immediately throwing Wu under the bus and being abandoned by Chi is amusing. Although it’s kind of annoying that Chi sides with his friend, who gave his partner a criminal’s ID and told him to use it, and blames Lucky for this going wrong. Game Over 4: Don’t Go Out There Now! I mentioned in the alternate route into the fortress that you need to not get seen by the guards?  Chi saves you from loving up. Once.      Really, this is all Chi’s fault for not being a better ninja. There’s only one of him and dozens of them, he should have this covered. Game Over 5: Up to Our Necks Alternatively, I could actually get into the sewers. Easy entry, right? Well, let’s consider the average new player who doesn’t know how to get into the fortress from here, doesn’t know to use the lighter or get the wooden beam. What happens to that player?  This segment is actually timed. The water level increases as time passes.  And eventually…  You might think that they could just swim up through the hole, except remember, it’s too small, they needed to dig at it with the beam before being able to get through. Game Over 6: Freezing to Death If Lucky stays with Kate and Chi goes for help, or if you take too long having Chi save Kate, everybody freezes to death. Yes, for once Lucky is better at one thing (traipsing through the snow trying to get help) than Chi.     You can warm Kate up with the blanket, protect her with the tarp, and heal her with Wu’s herbs. But you can never give Chi’s herbs to Lucky, and Lucky can’t use the Shaolin healing touch, so there’s no way to keep her alive. You can’t even mercy kill her (or Lucky). No, I’m not entirely sure why I tried that either, but it’s a nice touch that they thought of the gun and included a line about it.      Lucky, your whining will never stop pissing me off. Game Over 7: Lucky Was Right There’s another way to end the game abruptly while the Eagle is grounded. Recall what Lucky said…  But gently caress Lucky! We all lost respect for our protagonist a long time ago. He’s an idiot, and Chi has ninja powers. Going for a doughnut isn’t going to hurt anything.  Yep, that sure is all the food. That’s a perfectly safe spot to get to.  Relax Chi. You’ve been listening to Lucky, you should know better by now. Go ahead. Have a doughnut.  Oh. Well. poo poo. Just this once, Lucky was absolutely right and we should have listened. Game Over 8: BANG BANG BANG Hey, remember the plot branch with a ton of dialogue where Lucky mouths off to Bojon, gets imprisoned, and Ama saves him?   Well that was abrupt. And Chi was still useless. Game Over 9: Gambling is Bad  So, you recall me gaming Mohmar out of all his worldly wealth. But let’s assume I wasn’t good at the shell game and wasn’t willing to cheat.  Losing is actually really hard. I’m pretty sure the first game is impossible to lose, because Mohmar is good at bilking people. Oh, well, I have no more money. What do?  Such a nice guy!  Oh poo, I lost again. I’m sure Mohmar will understand.         Oh. Well. How terrible for Lucky. Game Over 10: The Incredibly Slow Running Tong Oh no! Chi is dead!  Oh no, Tong is coming! Let’s stand very still and hope he gets distracted by something shiny!    What does he mean “all of them”? It’s just Lucky and Kate.  Well, that didn’t work. Game Over 10: You had ONE JOB Lucky Special thanks to Snorb for pointing this one out.  Yeah, sure, I’ll get right on that Kate. Lucky the Kid, in action!  Uh, Lucky, I think your aim’s a bit…  Oh gently caress. The Bad Ending This is the ending where you actually do play through all events in Istanbul and save Lucky, but don’t successfully manage to get him and Kate together. Pretty easy to pull off, if you missed talking to her in Ama’s house in Istanbul, or screw up their conversation on the Orient Express. Say, for example…  Really. For instance… Cow. Well, I never! That’s probably your problem. Drop dead you human wart! Oh yeah!Rather than them getting along and having a moment, they devolve into fighting. Which doesn’t stop Tong from showing up and being Tong, and Lucky still having to fight him with his magic out of nowhere sword.  Tong still dies when the car he’s on suddenly explodes. But there’s no happily ever after kiss between Kate and Lucky here.  The icy heart means you done hosed up and Lucky ain’t getting Lucky this time.             In the end, Lucky gets paid as per his agreement and goes off to continue being himself, having learned nothing from his captivity in Istanbul, never changing. Chi presumably stays dead in this timeline. Once again, that’s a wrap folks. It’s still not a very long game (though I think I spent more time in Heart than Dragon), the writing is questionable, and Lucky… is Lucky. It’s very flawed, but still a beautiful game, has a great soundtrack, and is fun to play. There are elements I love in both games and I’d hate to have to pick one. I lie, if forced I would pick Rise of the Dragon over Heart of China, but I’d feel bad doing it. And that wraps up my little retrospective on the Dynamix adventure games of my childhood. They made a lot of games (I think the most well known is Betrayal at Krondor, or maybe The Incredible Machine) in a lot of genres, but it’s sad they never put out anymore adventure titles like this.  NOPE! Truthkeeper fucked around with this message at 04:34 on Oct 20, 2018 |
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Oct 18, 2018 08:16
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The idea of the plot branches is certainly neat to some degree, but they really just seemed to be largely inconsequential or straight up 'gently caress you' like the snow one. Is there an ending where Kate is rescued and both people get on that train, but they don't particularly like each other?
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Oct 19, 2018 09:56
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Keldulas posted:Is there an ending where Kate is rescued and both people get on that train, but they don't particularly like each other? There is, sort of, thanks for the reminder that I completely forgot to include it. If you gently caress up that final Kate/Lucky conversation and piss off the other, then Tong still shows up, but isn't interrupting a moment, they don't kiss after Lucky kills Tong, and the heart icon on the traveling screen is iced over. I somehow neglected to include it with the other endings, I'll have to do the writeup for it tomorrow, it feels wrong leaving it out.
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Oct 19, 2018 10:37
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