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frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade


What a year it's been as Bayern's dominance has been broken. Yes, indeed, they did not win the title as Frankfurt beat them and held aloft the trophy of champi... oh, wait, it was just the cup.

It's been a year where Bayern won the league 21 points ahead of second place, winning their sixth consecutive championship. It certainly was a season where everyone else was/continued to be poo poo and looking at the Champions League, it's started to affect Bayern, too. Yet they're still too good for anyone to beat them.

You know who else was considered too good to be beaten by poo poo teams: the German national team. Yet taint-smelling booger-eater Jogi Löw led the team to a terrifyingly lifeless performance and an ignoble exit from the World Cup's group stage.

Yes, there is hope...















...if Niko Kovač turns out to be a taint-smelling booger-eater as well.

If not, there's always the goal of getting into the Champions League/having an uneventful season/not getting relegated (cross out inapplicable for your team) for the rest of us.

We are also mourning of our favorite laughingstock, Hamburger SV. After 54 years, 261 days, 0 hours, 36 minutes and 2 seconds, they are no longer part of the Bundesliga and started their first season in the 2. Bundesliga which a cracking 0-3 defeat to Holstein Kiel following it up with a 3-0 win over Sandhausen earlier today. You The laughs we had at your expense will be missed.

We also lost Köln, but they had so bad a season it's hard to care.


Bundesliga

So without further ado, here's the 18 teams for the 2018/19 season of the Bundesliga which will kick off on the 24th with Bayern vs. Hoffenheim.


Fußball-Club Bayern München e. V.
(aka FCB, Bayern, Dusel-Bayern)

Founded: 1900
Official colours: red and white
Home ground: Allianz Arena (75,000)
Biggest rival: All of them except Bochum
Current Manager: Niko Kovač (NEW!)
Domestic titles:
Championship: 1932, 1969, 1972, 1973, 1974, 1980, 1981, 1985, 1986, 1987, 1989, 1990, 1994, 1997, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2008, 2010, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018
German Cup: 1957, 1966, 1967, 1969, 1971, 1982, 1984, 1986, 1998, 2000, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2008, 2010, 2013, 2014,2016
International titles:
European Cup/Champions League: 1974, 1975, 1976, 2001, 2013
Cup Winners' Cup: 1967
UEFA Cup: 1996
International Cup: 1976, 2001

Heynckes, van Gaal, Henyckes, Guardiola, Ancelotti, Heynckes, Kovač. Those are some big names to follow for a manager who is yet unproven at this level. Kovač's Frankfurt was not spectacular, but definitely punching way above their weight and having some past with Bayern always helps getting hired by this happy little family. That thinking, of course, is what got Klinsmann hired, so there's that. Personally, I'm willing to give Kovač the benefit of doubt and not dwell on "not a big enough name for Bayern", but I'm not holding my breath that he will deliver the results he needs to. These results can only be another championship (which would be 7th in a row), continuing Bayern's dominance over the rest of the league, and - perhaps more importantly - improving the team's performance in the Champions League.

The squad is in a bit of a weird spot. Robbery are not getting any younger, Lewa('s agent) might still be looking for a big money move, they lost an "aggressive leader" in Arturo Vidal, and the German nation team members still have the trauma of this summer to deal with. Bayern's transfer activity this window has basically be non-existent, Goretzka coming in from Schalke had been sealed months ago, Alphonso Davies is a prospect for the future and Gnabry and Renato Sanches (remember him) return from their loan spells at Hoffenheim and Swansea respectively. The window is still open, though, but as far as I can tell the biggest rumor right now is brining in Stuttgart's Benjamin Pavard. :geno:

Let's not forget, though, that this team - despite all its problems - won the league by loving 21 POINTS last year. It's the best team in Germany, but the aspiration right now is getting back into the circle of the best teams in Europe.


FC Gelsenkirchen-Schalke 04 e.V
(aka Schalke 04, S04, „Die Knappen“, “4-Minuten-Meister”)

Founded: 1904
Official colours: blue and white
Home ground: Veltins-Arena (62,271)
Biggest rival: Borussia Dortmund
Current Manager: Domenico Tedesco (since July 2017)
Domestic titles:
Championship: 1934, 1935, 1937, 1939, 1940, 1942, 1958
German Cup: 1937, 1972, 2001, 2002, 2011
International titles:
UEFA Cup: 1997

Wait, what? Why are Schalke in this place? What is going on?

This is real, this is not exercise, no simulation: Schalke finished second last season. Of course that means they ended the season 21 points behind Bayern instead of 29 like the next three teams. Thid relative success has also raised interest in their players and two big prospects have left the club. Max Meyer and Leon Goretzka left for Crystal Palace and Bayern respectively - on frees. Aaah, there's that good old "lol Schalke" that I've been missing.

They've replenished their ranks with largely unknown quantities: Suat Serdar from Mainz, Omar Mascarell from Real, Salif Sané from Hannover and Markus Uth from Hoffenheim are the most notable. These names don't sound like they can make up for the loss of Goretzka, but Tedesco has defied expectations and molded Schalke into a team that did indeed finished in second place. It would be a big ask for them to repeat it, but I don't expect them to fall off a cliff either.


Turn- und Sportgemeinschaft 1899 Hoffenheim e. V.
(aka TSG, Hoffe, 18.99, Hoppenheim)

Founded: 1899
Official colours: blue and white
Home ground: Rhein-Neckar-Arena (30,150)
Biggest rival: real fans, maybe VfB Stuttgart to a certain extent
Current Manager: Julian Nagelsmann (since February 2016, until end of this season, will join Leipzig)

In his youth, Dietmar Hopp played football for TSG Hoffenheim and 27 years later, he decided to give something back and help the small town club. In between, Hopp had founded SAP, a multi-billion euro enterprise, and had become a billionaire himself. He pumped considerable amounts into the club, including training center and a new stadium. And of course a lot of players. They rose from the doldrums to the Bundesliga and are now going into their eleventh (11th) season in the top flight.

After briefly flirting with relegation in 15/16 they have finished 4th and 3rd in the last two season. Expectations are probably for another year in these regions. The star of the team is probably the manger. Julian Nagelsmann was appointed during aformentioned flirt with relegation and has quickly proven to be drat good despite being younger than some of his players. He's been in the discussion for a job at bigger clubs and a lot of people expected him to take over Bayern, but instead he will join Leipzig next year.

The squad is what you expect from Hoffenheim: lacking big stars, but studded with a lot of probably talented players that will work together well enough to at least make another challenge into the top 4.


Ballspielverein Borussia 09 e. V. Dortmund
(aka Borussia Dortmund, BVB)

Founded: 1909
Official colours: yellow and black
Home ground: Signal Iduna Park (81,365)
Biggest rival: FC Schalke 04
Current Manager: Lucien Favre (NEW!)
Domestic titles: 1966, 1992, 2013, 2014, 2016
Champions: 1956, 1957, 1963, 1995, 1996, 2002, 2011, 2012
German Cup: 1965, 1989, 2012, 2017
International titles:
Champions League: 1997
Cup Winners Cup: 1966
International Cup: 1997

The past season has been a rough one. Thomas Tuchel had left the club after his relationship with both team and club leadership went to poo poo. Peter Bosz, his replacement, did not do well with the player material available and was replaced with Peter Stöger in December. Stöger managed to right the ship somewhat and finished a credible fourth, but Dortmund leadership wanted someone else going forward. So now we have Lucien Favre making his return to the Bundesliga as Dortmund finally got their man.

Having a reputation as a tactician, he got quite some talent to work with and probably some grace from leadership and fans considering how disappointing the previous season was. On top what talent was already at the club, they splashed out for Mainz's Abdou Diallo, Bremen's Thomas Delaney, and bringing Axel Witsel back from China into a real leage. They also added Marwin Hitz on a free from Augsburg, possibly replacing the often criticized Roman Bürki in goal.


Bayer 04 Leverkusen Fußball GmbH
(aka Bayer, Werkself, Vizekusen)

Founded: 1904
Official colours: red and black
Home ground: BayArena (30,210)
Biggest rival: 1. FC Köln
Current Manager: Heiko Herrlich (since July 2017)
Domestic titles:
German Cup: 1993
International titles:
UEFA-Cup: 1988

After a very disappointing 12th place in 16/17, Leverkusen returned back to form the following year with a fifth place finish, making 16/17 the only season they did not finish in the Top 5 since 09/10. Expectations surely have to be to not another season missing that accomplishment and to challenge for spot in the Champions League.

As always, Leverkusen field a talented squad without many big household names, but not as unknown as some other teams. It helps that they'ev seemingly been buying from the league what Bayern hadn't already hoovered up. They slowed down a bit this summer, adding fullback Mitchell Weiser from Hertha and goalkeeper Lukas Hradecky from Frankfurt and got winger Paulinho from Brazil's Vasco da Gama, another addition to the long line of Brazilians Bayer unearthed and did well for them.


RasenBallsport Leipzig e.V.
(aka RB Leipzig, RBL, Die Roten Bullen, Brausekicker)

Founded: 2009
Official colours: Red and white
Home ground: Red Bull Arena (42,558)
Biggest rival: everyone outside of their sad own contingent of fans
Current Manager: Ralf Ragnick ("NEW")

In 2009, Red Bull took over fifth-flight team SSV Makranstädt, renamed the club (avoiding certain restrictions, such as outright calling it Red Bull Leipzig), and started pumping money into the club to elevate it to the Bundesliga. After seven season, they have now arrived. The mastermind behind this was Ralf Ragnick who works as director of football and sometimes manager. For their Bundesliga debut, they appointed Ingolstadt's Ralph Hasenhüttl as manger, but the club not willing to extend his contract past its initial end date in 2019 led to Hasenhüttl leaving in 2018 instead. Now Ragnick takes over the manager's seat once again after being the grey eminence in the background for a while.

Unlike past couple of years of running transfer deficits, they currently show a positive balance this window. They spent 43 million euro on Montpellier's Nordi Mukiele, Sion's Matheus Cunha and River Plate's Marcelo Saracchi, but they got, of course, 60 million from Liverpool for Naby Keïta as well as some smaller sums (including 10 million from Brighton & Hove Albion for Bernardo).

To be honest, I would expect a big signing anyway in an attempt to try and replace Keïta in some way. Otherwise, the squad was in a good shape before the window and will be after as well. The expectation in Leipzig is probably to return to the CL, but it's gonna be hard since last seasons top 6 places 2-6 seem rather evenly matched.


Verein für Bewegungsspiele Stuttgart 1893 e. V.
(aka VfB)

Founded: 1893
Official colours: white and red
Home ground: Mercedes-Benz Arena (60,449)
Biggest rival: Karlsruher SC
Current Manager: Tayfun Korkut (since January 2018)
Domestic titles:
Championship: 1950, 1952, 1984, 1992, 2007
German Cup: 1954, 1958, 1997

Well done, Stuttgart, you finished in a respectable 7th place in your first season back in the top flight. Since Tayfun Korkut took over you managed 9 wins, 4 draws and only one loss. Yes, Tayfun Korkut! It's hard to believe, I know. Of course having one good season means that Stuttgart are no doubt now deserving of greatness again until some bad results come in and everybody has always know it wasn't going to last.

Realistcally, though, this squad should look to get as many points as possible between themselves and relegation before worrying about repeating last season's performance. The squad is a weird mixture of veterans like Gomez, Gonzalo Castro, Badstuber, Andreas Beck and Ron-Robert Zieler and youngsters of varied talent. Maybe Tayfun Korkut has finally found a winning formula after disappointing at his previous clubs, but again don't expect a repeat performance from last season.


Eintracht Frankfurt e. V.
(aka Die Adler, SGE, Schlappekicker, Launische Diva)

Founded: 1899
Official colours: Red, black and white
Home ground: Commerzbank-Arena (51,500)
Biggest rival: Kickers Offenbach
Current Manager: Adolf "Adi" Hütter (NEW!)
Domestic titles:
Championship: 1959
German Cup: 1974, 1975, 1981, 1988, 2018
International titles:
Cup Winners' Cup: 1980

Okay, let's get it out of the way first: a club with a - let me put this kindly - problematic ultra scene has appointed as their manager an Austrian named Adolf. Yes, this is real life, no matter how stupid it has become since November 8, 2016.

Anyway, Frankfurt are coming of a hot season capped off by winning the cup (and getting manager Niko Kovač the Bayern job) and Hütter comes off two good stints at RB Salzburg and Young Boys, so chances are these two pieces might fit together for another good season, although the losses of goalkeeper Lukas Hradecky and midfielder Kevin-Prince Boateng sting a fair bit.



Borussia Verein für Leibesübungen 1900 Mönchengladbach e. V.
(aka Borussia Mönchengladbach or "Die Fohlen")

Founded: 1900
Official colours: black, white and red
Home ground: Stadion im Borussia-Park (54,067)
Biggest rival: 1. FC Köln
Current Manager: Dieter Hecking (since December 2016)
Domestic titles:
Championship: 1970, 1971, 1975, 1976, 1977
German Cup: 1960, 1973, 1995
International titles:
UEFA-Cup: 1975, 1979

Two 9th place finishes in a row, is this the new normal for Gladbach? I think this team has the potential to do better. They got 25 million from Southampton for defender Jannik Vestergaard and turned around to buy Nizza's striker Alassane Pléa for 22. That is some unusually bold business for the club, we'll have to see if it pays off. Other than Basel's fullback Michael Lang, they've mostly signed youngsters, seemingly trusting the team to continue with only those little reinforcments.


Hertha BSC Berlin
Founded: 1892
Official colours: blue and white
Home ground: Olympiastadion Berlin (74,649)
Biggest rival: Schalke
Current Manager: Pál Dárdai (since February 2015)
Domestic titles:
Championship: 1930, 1931

After their return to the Bundesliga in 1997, Hertha was a club full of ambition befitting the club from the nation's capital. Years of misguided actions and overpaying for mediocre players culminated one Champions League run, but ultimately led to turmoil and relegation. Things have been up and down since then, but recently the club seems to have stabilized in the top flight's mid table. Part of that is Pál Dárdai who lets his team play "honest" football which means unspectacular and physical if your not familiar with German football lingo.


Sport-Verein Werder von 1899 e. V. Bremen
(aka Werder Bremen, Werder, “Die Fischköppe”)

Founded: 1899
Official colours: green and white
Home ground: Weserstadion (43,789)
Biggest rival: Hamburger SV
Current Manager: Florian Kohfeldt (since November 2017)
Domestic titles:
Championship: 1965, 1988, 1993, 2004
German Cup: 1961, 1991, 1994, 1999, 2004, 2009
International titles:
Cup Winners’ Cup: 1992

Werder has fallen far from grace. Once a side playing a high-risk "score one more than the opponent" style that was a joy to watch and - for the longest time - successful, they have turned into a mediocre team, usually flirting with relegation. Things have been looking up a bit since the appointment of Florian Kohfeldt as manager and while they lost Thomas Delaney, they added Everton's Davy Klaassen, Köln's Yuya Osako Nürnberg's Kevin Möhwald and Hannover's veteran Martin Harnik to strengthen a squad that already had some potential. Oh, and Pizarro is back again at a limber 39 years old.


Fußball-Club Augsburg 1907 e. V.
(aka FC Augsburg, FCA)

Founded: 1907
Official colours: red, green and white
Home ground: WWK arena (30,660)
Biggest rival: TSV 1860 München
Current Manager: Manuel Baum (since December 2016)

After winning a lot of sympathies among thread regulars by being a small team overachieving for several seasons, Augsburg settled into the midtable with finishes at 12th, 13th and 12th in the past three years. The squad has stayed largely the same with the only notable loss being goalkeeper Marvin Hitz to Dortmund while adding Hamburg's André Hahn, Twente's Fredrik Jensen, Felix Götze from Bayern and traveling wasteman Julian Schieber from Hertha. Expect nothing spectacular, but another midtable finish.


Hannoverscher Sportverein von 1896 e. V.
(aka Hannover 96, Die 96er, Die Roten)

Founded: 1896
Official colours: black, white and green
Home ground: HDI-Arena (49,000)
Biggest rivals: Eintracht Braunschweig, Werder Bremen
Current Manager: André Breitenreiter (since March 2017)
Domestic titles:
Championship: 1938, 1954
German Cup: 1992

After avoiding relegation in their first season back up, things are only going to get harder in the second season if history is any indication. They've lost some strength in defender Salif Sané (to Schalke), Felix Klaus (to Wolfsburg) and Martin Harnik (to Bremen). They've tried to make up for that by signing Hamburg's midfielder Walace, Hertha's winger Genki Haraguchi and loaning Stoke's Kevin Wimmer, Arsenal's Takuma Asano and Hamburg's Bobby Wood. Will that be enough? Only time will tell.


1. Fußball- und Sportverein Mainz 05 e.V.
(aka Mainz 05, Karnevalsverein)

Founded: 1905
Official colours: red and white
Home ground: Opel Arena (34,000)
Biggest rival(s): SV Wehen-Wiesbaden, Eintracht Frankfurt to a degree
Current Manager: Sandro Schwarz (since July 2017)

The club that brought Jürgen Klopp and Thomas Tuchel to prominence, Mainz have not been able to recapture these good times and have been grinding along in the midtable/relegation zone most of the time. Their reputation for finding cheap talent and turning it over for big money after a few years of seasoning still holds true, though. This summer, Abdou Diallo went to Dortmund for 28 million, Suat Serdar to Schalke for 11 and Yoshinori Muto to Newcastle for 10.7. They went on an usual (for them) shopping spree, buying Lyon's striker Jean-Philippe Mateta for 8 million euro, Atletico's midfielder Pierre Kunde for 7.5 and Metz's defender Moussa Niakhaté for 6 and loaning Espanyol's leftback Aarón Martín for 3 million fee. They're still all young talents, but outside of Mainz's usual price range of 2-5 million. It seems that this year, they're trying quality over quantity, but the drawback is that if these transfers don't land, there's no other guys who might surprisingly work out better.


Sport-Club Freiburg e.V.
(aka SC Freiburg, SCF)

Founded: 1904
Official colours: Red and white
Home ground: Schwarzwald-Stadion (24,000)
Biggest rival: VfB Stuttgart
Current Manager: Christian Streich (since January 2012!)

Temperamental manager Christian Streich has been at the helm for over six years now, but that's not even halfway to breaking legendary Freiburg manager Volker Finke's 16 year stint. He still is the by far longest tenured manager in the Bundesliga. In this tenure, he's overseen quite a few up and downs as well as a constant turnover of players and yet has somehow managed to find something that works.

Now that they've survived the second year since promotion, the sky's the limi-- hahaha, no. It's almost always a grind for Freiburg and even with the 21.1 million euro they got for selling 22 year old defender Caglar Söyüncü to Leicester, it should be no different. That their two biggest signings of the summer come from the two teams relegated last season should tell you what Freiburg expects of this season.


Verein für Leibesübungen Wolfsburg Fußball GmbH
(aka VfL Wolfsburg, “Die Wölfe”)

Founded: 2001 (1945)
Official colours: green and white
Home ground: Volkswagen Arena (30,000)
Biggest rival: The plastic fans really don’t care
Current Manager: Bruno Labbadia (since February 2018)
Domestic titles:
Championship: 2009
German Cup: 2015

Holy poo poo, what a dumpster fire! After splashing out money in an attempt to solidfy their spot in the Top 3, Wolfsburg spectacularly collapsed in 15/16 and missed out European competition altogether, finishing 8th. The past two seasons they spent battling against relegation - literally until the last second as they were in the relegation playoffs both years - despite spending a ton of money to get back into the higher reaches of the table.

They've done it again, adding Stuttgart's Daniel Ginczek, Alkmaar's Wout Weghorst, Montpellier's Jérôme Roussillon, Ingolstadt's Marcel Tisserand and Hannover's Felix Klaus for a ton of money, making back only 4 million from the sale of Daniel Didavi to Stuttgart. On paper, this squad should not be near relegation, but none of the previous managers have managed to translate this into actual success and so far Bruno Labbadia did not manage that translation either. (He's a good pick for "first sacked" actually.)


Düsseldorfer Turn- und Sportverein Fortuna 1895 e. V.
(aka Fortuna)

Founded: 1895
Official colours: red and white
Home ground: ESPRIT arena (54,600)
Biggest rival: 1. FC Köln
Current Manager: Friedhelm Funkel (since March 2016)
Domestic titles:
Championship: 1933
German Cup: 1979, 1980

#Funkel's back, Fortuna's back, Die Toten Hosen, Campino sucks now

Fortuna Düsseldorf, a name steeped in tradition, is finally back in the top flight after five years. They bring with them the indomitable Friedhelm Funkel as their manager and the insufferable Campino as their celebrity supporter. Their squad is what you'd expect from a 2. Bundesliga champion: a core of solid talent who might not be super good in the top flight, bolstered by signing top 2. Bundesliga talent (like St. Pauli's Marvin Duksch and Bochum's Kevin Stöger), luring in some players from midtable Bundesliga teams (like Augsburg's Takashi Usami and Ingolstadt's Alfredo Morales) and some signings from abroad (like Dinamo Zagreb II's Davor Lovren, brother of Liverpool's Dejan Lovren and Bordeaux's Diego Contento*). The "traditional" trajectory is a first season relatively free of relegation worries followed by a harsh reality check in the second. Fortuna seems certainly to be on track for that.

*: Yes, you read that right. Diego Conento is back!


1. FC Nürnberg Verein für Leibesübungen e. V.
(aka FCN, Der Glubb)

Founded: 1900
Official colours: red and white
Home ground: Max-Morlocj-Stadion (50,000)
Biggest rivals: SpVgg Greuther Fürth, Bayern München
Current Manager: Michael Köllner (since July 2017)
Domestic titles:
Championship: 1920, 1921, 1924, 1925, 1927, 1936, 1948, 1961, 1968
German Cup: 1935, 1939, 1962, 2007

A record-setting side with the most championships behind Bayern, they're also the only club to get relegated as both defending champion (1969) and reigning cup winner (2008). We alsoore hold the record for relegations from the Bundesliga, paired with the record for promotions to the Bundesliga at 8 each. Since we now no longer have to share these with Bielefeld, how about not adding to these. Please.

This transfer window has been surprisingly tame. Möhwald to Bremen on a free hurts, but losing Kirschbaum to Leverkusen's bench is a wash, especially with Hamburg's Christian Mathenia lined up as a replacement. You read that right: we're hiring the goalie from a team that just got relegated. Otherwise we're loaning a young fullback from Bremen, another veteran goalie from Freiburg and pick up some U23 and U19 players. Unlike Düsseldorf, we're not exactly adding a lot to the squad.

We conceded the second lowest number of goals last season, but the offense's output left a lot to desire. It can be partly attributed to the lengthy injury of Swedish striker Mikael Ishak, but the fact that there's no one picking up the slack is a concern. Overall, I'm not holding my breath, but am willing to be positively surprised.


2. Bundesliga

The season is already underway in the second flight and elbkaida made a little write up for the 18 teams which I will steal because a) I already ran out of steam 2/3 through Bundesliga b) Nürnberg are no longer down there so I can't be arsed to give a gently caress.

elbkaida posted:

Alright so Fussball is back in the 2.Liga best Liga so I thought since this year there are HSV/Köln generating some interest and no top flight footie is on maybe I'll do a little intro post about the teams.

HSV

The Bundesliga dinosaur finally managed to succumb to being a badly managed circus sideshow for years on end and 2. Liga welcomes them with open arms. One of us! One of us! They kept a number of decent players and most importantly have a competent manager for once so are favourites for a promotion spot. HSV immediately proved they're still willing to provide good entertainment by losing to the local farmers from Kiel. 0-3. At home.

1.FC Köln

Completely overwhelmed by losing Modeste and having to play in Europe, Köln had an insanely terrible start to last season they never recovered from so now are back in 2.Liga after a few successful years under Stöger. Retained a surprising number of players including Jonas Hector who will be the first Nationalmannschaft player from 2. Liga in ages. Dropped 12 million on new players on top of that so everyone expects them to walk the league.

Holstein Kiel

Surprised last year by making it into the relegation against Wolfsburg with fairly modest means directly after being promoted. Had a pretty neat style with fast attacks that caught lots of teams out last year but lost their manager to Köln and a few key players so I think they will struggle to stay in the top half of the table.

Arminia Bielefeld

Belong to a long list of completely mediocre teams and had no business coming 4th last year really. No big signings so expect them to be in the traditionally large pack of middle-of-the road teams again.

Jahn Regensburg

Did well after promotion (won straight promotions from Bayernliga and 3.Liga under Heiko Herrlich) and managed to not get immediately relegated from 2. Liga for the first time in the last 40 years (by being mediocre, which can get you pretty far up the table in this stupid league). Think they might be involved in the struggle against relegation.

VfL Bochum

The former Fahrstuhlmannschaft has now been in the division for a while without much success and I don't see that changing this year. They might get close to the relegation zone for a while but are overall solid enough to stay in.

MSV Duisburg

Another team that immediately jumped to mediocrity last season after getting promoted. Somehow their manager seems to know what he's doing and gets a lot out of a fairly limited squad that should be doing worse.

1.FC Union Berlin

Berlin's #2 has been struggling to get close to promotion for quite some time now and is usually pitched among the favourites to go up. This year they've again got a good squad together and will feature in the top 6 I'd say.

FC Ingolstadt

Were crap last year after getting relegated from the Bundesliga. They're fairly rich though and will probably manage some success by getting expensive players in eventually. Sold two of their players for 7 mio and 5 mio respectively :eyepop: which to me is pretty insane for 2. Liga

SV Darmstadt 98

Were even more crap after also getting relegated from the Bundesliga. However they sold world cup winner Kevin Großkreutz to Uerdingen (3.Liga) so they are now hopeless RIP

SV Sandhausen

Sandhausen is a small town near Heidelberg (and Hoffenheim) and their all-time transfer record fee is 100k for a guy from Legia. They don't spend much money, they don't have many fans, they are consistently getting mid-table finishes and are usually hard to beat. Must be hard to swallow for Kaiserslautern fans that these guys manage to stay in the 2.Liga somehow and Lautern didn't.

FC St. Pauli

Hamburgs #2 - or are they??? Will be interesting to see how they can fare vs the mighty HSV this season and every week they spend ahead of them in the league will cause much grief among HSV supporters. The team is wildly inconsistent and unlikely to string together a good run but on the other hand also not consistently bad enough to get relegated.

1.FC Heidenheim

The only remarkable thing about this lot is that for some reason all their players are of German nationality (except one Austrian). What a coincidence that even in our globalised world of football the good lads of Heidenheim 1846 are an all-white group of Germans with an Austrian amongst them!

Dynamo Dresden

Speaking of good lads, my boys from Dresden were rubbish last year and just about avoided relegation. That's at least partially owed to using a possession-oriented style of playing it out the back with high-risk passes between goalie and defenders that can be a bit sketchy if your players aren't world class. But they stuck with it so good on them and I think in this season a top half finish should be on the cards after some promising signings.

Spvgg Greuther Fürth

They deteriorated during the last few seasons and might struggle again even though there are quite a few Bundesliga veterans in the squad.

Erzgebirge Aue

Aue is a former Uranium mining town in Saxony but to say that you can most definitely still see the effects of that on both fans and players would be mean and not very sportsmanlike so I won't. They're usually holding on for dear life on a small budget and this year won't be any different. One of the top relegation candidates.

1. FC Magdeburg

A former European Cup winner fallen on hard times, they managed to claw their way back into the 2. Liga after 30 years in the lower leagues. Usually promoted clubs do quite well in the 2.Liga so I expect them to not immediately get relegated but their budget is tiny and if they don't start of well they might get in trouble quick.

SC Paderborn

No idea why Ostwestfalen needs another 2.Liga-team but here we are. After crashing out of Bundesliga and 2.Liga in direct succession they nearly got relegated in the 3.Liga too but turned it around last year and are now on rebuilding mission. They snatched up some players from promotion rivals Magdeburg but we'll have to see if that is enough to keep them in the league.

So this is 2.Bundesliga 2018/19 - two massive favourites, a bunch of no name teams and hopefuls and lots of bad football to be watched!

DFB Pokal

Our domestic cup competition is the last hurdle before Bundesliga kicks off after tonight's Super Cup match between champions Bayern and cup winners Frankfurt. The first round is always exciting because you want to see which club embarreses themselves against the lower-tier opposition. Here's the fixtures:



National Team



https://i.imgur.com/8n1R40Y.mp4



https://twitter.com/DFB_Team/status/1014117716469350400







That's all, get posting!

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MuLepton
Apr 1, 2011

It's kind of a long story.
Good OP, OP. Thanks for putting it together.
Is there consensus who’ll replace Hamburg as laughingstock yet?

Healbot
Jul 7, 2006

very very very fucjable
very vywr very


Every other team aside from Bayern.

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

Healbot posted:

Every other team aside from Bayern.
:hmmyes:

Healbot
Jul 7, 2006

very very very fucjable
very vywr very


Although I'm expecting a spectacular meltdown at Säbener Straße once it turns out being frugal with the aging Robbery turns out to be a terrible decision.

So bet on Bayern imo.

Smirr
Jun 28, 2012

frankenfreak posted:

Fortuna Düsseldorf, a name steeped in tradition, is finally back in the top flight after five years.

Weird, I don't remember that at all? Whose place did they take lol. Must have been some real cloggers

Torrannor
Apr 27, 2013

---FAGNER---
TEAM-MATE
Very good OP, OP!

I'm really curious how Schalke and Leverkusen fare this season with their young managers having performed really well in their first season.

Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer
why bother having any team except for bayern. lol this league is more of a fraud league than serie a

hopterque
Mar 9, 2007

     sup
Good Op, lol at HSV, bring on the new season.

Smirr
Jun 28, 2012

I just tuned into the Supercup for precisely 5 seconds, in which Wagner missed the mother of all sitters. While Bayern are 5-0 up. Anyway, someone please gif that miss, it's pretty good

Dunban
Jul 4, 2012

OH MY GOD GLOVER
I am okay with this result

I am less okay with Alaba being injured and another loving embarassing and one-sided ref performace

Infected
Oct 17, 2012

Salt Incarnate


Bayern complaining about referee performance

:allears:

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

Jose posted:

why bother having any team except for bayern. lol this league is more of a fraud league than serie a
For some reasons we have to send other teams than Bayern into the CL and this is the traditional way to find out who gets to embarass themselves on that big stage for big €€€.

Germansimp
May 28, 2013



Dunban posted:

I am okay with this result

I am less okay with Alaba being injured and another loving embarassing and one-sided ref performace

He should have sent off Abraham with a Red like multiple times, but he also failed to send off Hummels for his Notbremse, so.

That said, why did the useless Videoref not even bother to call in for either of those scenes? That's what annoyed me the most.

Tahirovic
Feb 25, 2009
Fun Shoe
Looking forward to an other season with Pizarro and an early out in the cup. Hopefully I can fix me some tickets for Werder - Bayern.
Actually went to see Bremen - Dortmund in April and it was great.

Omnikin
May 29, 2007

Press 'E' for Medic
Weird, you forgot to talk about Pulisic in the Dortmund write up.



Simply the best

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade
Aaaaah, that's the first round of the cup I know and love: painfully grinding out a close victory over some team that probably isn't even semi-pro.

Pand
Apr 1, 2011

Jogi Maldito

frankenfreak posted:

Aaaaah, that's the first round of the cup I know and love: painfully grinding out a close victory over some team that probably isn't even semi-pro.

:same: but getting dunked on.

Sereri
Sep 30, 2008

awwwrigami

But enough about the FCK

Dunban
Jul 4, 2012

OH MY GOD GLOVER
Just got home from seeing Wolfsburg live. They were dire as hell and Der Schöne Bruno is a massive fraud

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

Dunban posted:

They were dire as hell and Der Schöne Bruno is a massive fraud
That's not news.

Pand
Apr 1, 2011

Jogi Maldito

Dunban posted:

They were dire as hell and Der Schöne Bruno is a massive fraud

:hmmyes:

elbkaida
Jan 13, 2008
Look!
Who cares about the Pokal anyway. :kiddo:

Dunban
Jul 4, 2012

OH MY GOD GLOVER

frankenfreak posted:

That's not news.

Sure, but we live in a world where Tayfun Korkut is apparently not poo poo anymore. It's reassuring that some things are still as they should be.

General Probe
Dec 28, 2004
Has this been done before?
Soiled Meat
I still can't believe he got another job in the first league let alone that he's doing well with them.

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade
lol 5 minutes of Favre time and then this

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade
On one hand, it's Fürth so I don't want to sympathize, but on the other hand, gently caress that ref and the five minutes of added time.

oliwan
Jul 20, 2005

by Nyc_Tattoo
Greuther Furz

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

oliwan posted:

Greuther Furz
I had a tab open with a post ready reading "Lucien Fart", but then Witsel scored.

Tahirovic
Feb 25, 2009
Fun Shoe
Those 5 minutes were a loving joke.

Wengy
Feb 6, 2008

Lieber Fünfter als Fürther

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade

Wengy posted:

Lieber Fünfter als Fürther
:hai:

Healbot
Jul 7, 2006

very very very fucjable
very vywr very


Wengy posted:

Lieber Fünfter als Fürther

:hmmyes:

Lieber Alzheimer als Forchheimer.

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade
Here's a piece about the league's new ball which is apparently not poo poo because there's been no complaints so far. Derbystar instead of Adidas.

elbkaida
Jan 13, 2008
Look!
So Dynamo fired the manager after three matches of the new season. :cripes: Just as the club finally gets out of debt this goddamn stupid overambitious bullshit starts off again, makes me sick. How is not getting relegated in your first two years as a promoted team anything other than a clear success? Apparently the replacement is the U19 coach from Karlsruhe and I pray he's some kind of Nagelsmann-like prodigy or this is going to end in tears.

Katana Gomai
Jan 14, 2007

"Thus," concluded Miyamoto, "you must give up everything you have to be my disciple."

elbkaida posted:

So Dynamo [...] this is going to end in teargas.

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade
3 hours until the season kicks off!

frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade
lol Max Mutzke, remember him? Well now you do.

Smirr
Jun 28, 2012

Guess I'm watching this, since I have the Eurosport Player anyway (and no friends).

I didn't remember Max Mutzke, for the record

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frankenfreak
Feb 16, 2007

I SCORED 85% ON A QUIZ ABOUT MONDAY NIGHT RAW AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TEXT

#bastionboogerbrigade
This one is on ZDF, too, but I can understand wanting to avoid Rethy's commentary.

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