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Would you rather hear about Plug, Pig-Eye, or Alviod?
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Aug 15, 2018 17:17
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My grandmother has lupus, I think it's pretty remarkable she's lived this long. I don't have any weird tales, either my family is boring and normal or I don't know about any of the good stuff. I don't really talk to anyone outside the immediate family often.
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Aug 15, 2018 17:42
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SciFiDownBeat posted:my family is boring and normal too bad shouldve asked about pig-eye
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Aug 15, 2018 17:43
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if my family has secrets they are well buried. just your usual mix of northeast atheists and southern baptist types. tho i am related to clark of the lewis and clark expedition, he probably saw some poo poo oh, one story - it's my mom's side of the family that is religious; when she was a kid her parents took her and her siblings to the Congo to convert some heathens. i guess it was a pretty OK time overall (aside from being in the middle of the Congo, which is not really where my mom wanted to be), but one day a black mamba snake was inside the house (longer than the couch, if I remember correctly )and her dad had to shoo it out. also one night her brother woke everyone up screaming and he was totally covered in fire ants. Mozi fucked around with this message at 17:58 on Aug 15, 2018 |
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Aug 15, 2018 17:53
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my family. my dad once ran over an owl. not on purpose though. he also used to shoot his air rifle at wine corks in the swimming pool when i had birthday parties. just a bunch of kids splashing around while air rifle pellets whizzed past us. i have photos of that. we thought we were related to richard rodgers (the musical rodgers and hammerstein guy) but then we found out his dad change the name from abrahams and that they were actually jewish so that meant we weren't related at all. my dog got into a fight with a pelican my aunt is schizo and thought that nuns were tapping her phone. i once shat my pants so badly that i had to throw out my underwear but there wasn't any kind of trashcan in the bathroom so i tried to flush the dirty underwear. this caused the whole plumbing system in the cinema to back up and i probably caused thousands of dollars of damage. i was 32.
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Aug 15, 2018 18:12
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Did they fight those gorillas with lasers on their backs, too, or is that just Hollywood revisionism?
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Aug 15, 2018 18:13
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sandwiches_and_ham posted:
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Aug 15, 2018 18:23
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sandwiches_and_ham posted:i once shat my pants so badly that i had to throw out my underwear but there wasn't any kind of trashcan in the bathroom so i tried to flush the dirty underwear. this caused the whole plumbing system in the cinema to back up and i probably caused thousands of dollars of damage. i was 32. Good twist at the end there
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Aug 15, 2018 18:38
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My uncle-in-law owns a house and property in rural Ontario, and he once waged his own personal war against a murder of crows that kept waking him up at 5am. One day he had enough of their crowshit so he went outside in his pajamas with his rifle and shot one, which only pissed off the surviving crows more. The crows learned to recognize not only his face, but the gun as well, and anytime after that when my uncle went outside to shoot them, the birds would take off. It eventually escalated into him sniping the crows from his bedroom window behind the curtains.
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Aug 15, 2018 18:45
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Weirdo posted:My uncle-in-law owns a house and property in rural Ontario, and he once waged his own personal war against a murder of crows that kept waking him up at 5am. One day he had enough of their crowshit so he went outside in his pajamas with his rifle and shot one, which only pissed off the surviving crows more. The crows learned to recognize not only his face, but the gun as well, and anytime after that when my uncle went outside to shoot them, the birds would take off. It eventually escalated into him sniping the crows from his bedroom window behind the curtains. After hearing so much about crows from the GBS thread (https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3858095) and elsewhere, I gotta wonder if scarecrows ever actually worked. Since they're smart enough to comprehend water displacement puzzles or to recognize a variety of faces, it seems weird they'd ever be concerned about a T-posed, gourd-headed straw human. Or maybe scarecrows scared off other birds, or maybe its one of those things I learned in school analogous to thanksgiving turkeys and funny pilgrim hats. maybe i just outed myself as stupid in this post.
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Aug 15, 2018 19:02
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I think you gotta move them around every so often, like those plastic owls.
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Aug 15, 2018 19:03
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Weirdo posted:My uncle-in-law owns a house and property in rural Ontario, and he once waged his own personal war against a murder of crows that kept waking him up at 5am. One day he had enough of their crowshit so he went outside in his pajamas with his rifle and shot one, which only pissed off the surviving crows more. The crows learned to recognize not only his face, but the gun as well, and anytime after that when my uncle went outside to shoot them, the birds would take off. It eventually escalated into him sniping the crows from his bedroom window behind the curtains. Your uncle-in-law hosed up. He could have had a personal corvid army, instead he chose war and, my friend, he chose poorly
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Aug 15, 2018 19:17
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SciFiDownBeat posted:Your uncle-in-law hosed up. He could have had a personal corvid army, instead he chose war and, my friend, he chose poorly Weirdo posted:My uncle-in-law owns a house and property in rural Ontario, and he once waged his own personal war against a murder of crows that kept waking him up at 5am. One day he had enough of their crowshit so he went outside in his pajamas with his rifle and shot one, which only pissed off the surviving crows more. The crows learned to recognize not only his face, but the gun as well, and anytime after that when my uncle went outside to shoot them, the birds would take off. It eventually escalated into him sniping the crows from his bedroom window behind the curtains. One of these days, they’re gonna show him why it’s called a murder.
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Aug 15, 2018 19:45
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My grandfather murdered a woman in the 50's and got away with it. Nobody will tell me anything more than that so I have to assume he also raped, dismembered, and cannibalized her before turning her bones into tchotchkes and selling them at swap meets. I always knew that guy was a piece of poo poo and I wish I had known while he was alive so I could've avoided him.
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Aug 15, 2018 19:48
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The Saucer Hovers posted:Would you rather hear about Plug, Pig-Eye, or Alviod? These sound like Ogre constellations
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Aug 15, 2018 20:07
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I'm like, one cousin removed from the Breyers ice cream family fortune.  God damnit I lost out on so much sweet ice cream money! I hate my parents!
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Aug 15, 2018 21:30
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gimme the GOD drat candy posted:my grandfather apparently really did run away from home as a child and joined the circus. since this was during the depression, he did so to make money to send home. Was he "Hugo Zacchini - The Human Cannonball"? That guy was a real daredevil.
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Aug 15, 2018 21:44
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Oh, I thought of another one: My great-grandfather bootlegged during prohibition. He didn’t have a still or anything, but he sold hooch out of the family grocery store and kept a bunch of bottles under one of the stairs. The police generally looked the other way. Until one day, he refused to buy tickets to the annual policeman’s ball. Well they got butthurt about that, came back and raided the place, and they knew exactly where the booze was. They hauled great-grandpa outside, and their only daughter came running out after them in absolute hysterics. Great-grandma grabbed her, smacked her across the face and yelled ‘Stop making a drat scene! He’ll be back home tomorrow!’ He was, and coughed up some money for the tickets.
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Aug 15, 2018 23:37
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I had two grandfathers in the war. One of them "got separated" from his unit and ended up joining a resistance group or something, the other one was in charge of gathering supplies, which sounds like it involved stealing poo poo from war-weary Europeans/ bodies/ other Allied units. One of these two men got shot in the arm and had a bone from their leg put in place of the shattered one. I know this because my dad told me he touched the super skinny arm as a child and got sick to his stomach! My great grandfather on my mother's side was pinned down in a farmer's field during war and had nothing to eat but tomatoes for a while. When he got home he wouldn't let tomatoes in his house.
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Aug 16, 2018 00:14
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We took family Christmas pics at the holiday village Christmas decoration display at Menards(big box hardware store) one year E. My dad knows what dead famous people are buried in every cemetery around.
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Aug 16, 2018 00:17
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My nan's cousin tried to assassinate the Prime Minister of South Africa in the 60s
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Aug 16, 2018 00:43
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I bet someone on here is a Mayflower descendant. There's a name for those types, but I can't recall it just now. Bet someone round here is, though.
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Aug 16, 2018 00:46
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Puritans?
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Aug 16, 2018 01:02
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My mother was a singer with a band in the 70s. One night, someone came up to her dressing room after a show and asked if she wanted to meet a friend of his. She told him to gently caress off, but it wasn't until later she found out the "friend" was Roger Ailes.
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Aug 16, 2018 01:10
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Egbert Souse posted:My mother was a singer with a band in the 70s. One night, someone came up to her dressing room after a show and asked if she wanted to meet a friend of his. Your mom is cool.
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Aug 16, 2018 01:15
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My dad thought a hot girl was picking him up at a bar but she took him to the Moonie farm in California and made him sleep in a mens dorm. They tried to serve him gruel for breakfast and then wouldn’t open the gate to let him out until he started to get punchy.
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Aug 16, 2018 02:24
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My great aunt is a little slow and wall eyed and lives with a bunch of filthy cats. I've caught snips and whispers of rumors that my great great grandpa tossed childhood her out a window and that's why she wound up the bad kind of funny. But nobody was a doctor in those days so who knows.
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Aug 16, 2018 02:34
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My great grandmother on my mother's side was a nurse in Bastogne during the Battle of the Buldge. She had to make the decision of whether a person was savable, over and over again as the bodies filled up the back of the chapel they'd turned into a field hospital. If they weren't she clutched a rosary and gave them their last rights. She was making GBS threads in an outhouse, in a snowstorm, when it was riddled with machine gun fire. About ten bullet holes, not one hit her. Wonderful woman. Kind. Great sense of humor. It was weird knowing how loving hardcore she was in the Army Nurse Corps in her early 20s.
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Aug 16, 2018 02:36
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Aesop Poprock posted:My family has an extensive amount of home videos and there's one from the 70s where it's my aunt's birthday and my grandma has this huge beehive hairdo and is wearing what I can only describe as a mad max thunderdome bikini like it was normal clothes. I have never seen anything else like it, it was like metallic gold and silver and it looked like she was supposed to be in some sort of cheesy low budget sci-fi movie as a sex droid grandma knows how to party
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Aug 16, 2018 02:57
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my grandfather set us all down on the couch when I was like seven and told us he was gonna die in ten years and he wanted to be cremated and stuff. At the time I was like "aright, that makes sense. We should do what you're saying now when that happens." My mom was all upset about it saying we would be traumatized by talking like that but as far as I know my younger siblings didn't get hosed up from it. I didn't either although I ended up a pretty hosed up dude. Ten years later he died and got cremated exactly like he said he wanted. Some people just know. My great uncle on the other side was a black sheep and died at home in late summer. Nobody realized at all and nobody checked on him till 5 or 6 months later and his body had completely mummified. I feel like this is pretty likely to happen to me.
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Aug 16, 2018 03:22
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Vato posted:I bet someone on here is a Mayflower descendant. There's a name for those types, but I can't recall it just now. Bet someone round here is, though.
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Aug 16, 2018 03:35
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Mozi posted:also one night her brother woke everyone up screaming and he was totally covered in fire ants. Dale: If you move, they're all gonna sting at once. Take my hand, Bobby. The ants'll swarm on me. Bobby: What if they don't? Dale: They will. They've been waiting to get a piece of me for 15 years.
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Aug 16, 2018 03:37
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Apparently the first ancestor on my father's side escaped to the colonies in the early 1800s after assaulting a British officer. 
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Aug 16, 2018 03:44
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FactsAreUseless posted:Not the Mayflower but a later Puritan ship. I inherited the family bible they brought with them from 1600-something. It's in a box somewhere. Same but also my direct ancestor took posed and manipulated photos of native americans and destroyed all his negatives becuase his ex wife got them in a divorce.
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Aug 16, 2018 03:53
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Also I have an 1800s Norwegian ancestor who died from not pooping
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Aug 16, 2018 03:53
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My grandfather basically lived through a John Steinbeck novel. He was one of twelve kids raised on a farm in Oklahoma during the dust bowl. His father became increasingly more belligerent due to the decreasing crop yields. He took to drinking and would beat my grandfather and his siblings often. At 14 my grandfather decided he'd had enough of it and jumped a train to California with a friend. At 14 years old my grandfather and his friend train hopped their way to California where they had heard tales of great wealth and prosperity. He landed in San Fransisco, spent some time there and eventually headed to the San Joaquin Valley where he picked grapes for a living.
Bareback Werewolf fucked around with this message at 04:36 on Aug 16, 2018 |
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Aug 16, 2018 04:33
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Egbert Souse posted:Apparently the first ancestor on my father's side escaped to the colonies in the early 1800s after assaulting a British officer. Awesome
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Aug 16, 2018 05:09
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Cat Army
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My great great grandpa was connected to the Purple Gang. Supposedly they used his barn to store illegal goods for a few days at a time and burried murder victims out in his field.
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Aug 16, 2018 05:25
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Vato posted:I bet someone on here is a Mayflower descendant. There's a name for those types, but I can't recall it just now. Bet someone round here is, though. I’m not sure if it was the Mayflower, but my mom’s ancestors came to the US on one of the first Puritan ships in the 1600s. Beyond that, I don’t know anything about them except that they settled in North Carolina. Supposedly I have ancestors on my mom’s side that fought in the Civil War (for the Confederacy, unfortunately). I’ve been told that my grandfather had some Civil War relics that may be worth a lot of money; if that’s true then I hope somebody in our family saved them. EDIT: Speaking of Civil War ancestors, family lore has it that I’m also related to General George Meade on my dad’s side. 
I. M. Gei fucked around with this message at 07:11 on Aug 16, 2018 |
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Aug 16, 2018 07:08
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GORILLA BASTARD posted:I was posted at MCAS Iwakuni Japan, almost every morning I would go to a busy diner nearby to eat breakfast. Usually I was with other Marines I worked with, but this one Saturday I was alone. and that japanese girl was albert einstein
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Aug 16, 2018 07:28
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