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Hello All, My startup is in its early growth phase, and the advice I've seen on ycombinator is that I want to focus on increasing the velocity of my developers. I am looking for advice about how to do this. One bit of advice I've read is to make sure I have metrics about the velocity of my programmers, so that we can track improvements and that kind of thing. That sounds reasonable to me, so I've purchased one of these https://www.amazon.com/Bushnell-101911-Velocity-Speed-Gun/dp/B0002X7V1Q and I've been measuring velocity daily. I was greatly concerned to discover that my developer velocity is consistently around 0. We have an open office, and I do see developers moving around throughout the day, so I know our average velocity isn't really 0. Am I measuring wrong? Do I need to increase my sampling rate? What am I doing wrong?
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Sep 3, 2018 17:46
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bump
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Sep 3, 2018 17:54
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you really need to expand your mind and change your point of reference. your developer velocity is about 30 km/s compared to the sun. and look that those stupid fuckers, they got bought by oracle
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Sep 3, 2018 17:55
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Failed Sega Accessory Ahoy!
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Menacer posted:you really need to expand your mind and change your point of reference. your developer velocity is about 30 km/s compared to the sun. and look that those stupid fuckers, they got bought by oracle I see, so are you suggesting that I relocate my office to a barge or cargo ship? Is this what people mean when they say I need to make sure my startup uses containerization?
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Sep 3, 2018 17:57
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Also, isn't it the case that the human body can only withstand a certain level of acceleration? So if I want to maximize developer velocity, I should increase it gradually over time, right, to reduce accerlation. However, my developers return home each night and I believe that their velocity returns to 0 during this time (although I don't yet have metrics that support this). This would means we'd need to restart our velocity from 0 every morning, which seems very inefficient.
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Sep 3, 2018 18:00
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curious about this too 👀
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Sep 3, 2018 18:04
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I think im moving the fastest during spring and fall
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Sep 3, 2018 18:15
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If you need a quick win at the end of the reporting period consider putting brownies in the break room or pulling the fire alarm.
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Sep 3, 2018 19:49
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some good ideas itt lets schedule a special 3 hours long retrospective so everyone has a chance to comment
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Sep 3, 2018 20:07
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install a moving walkway in your main hall, op
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Sep 3, 2018 21:32
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jumping out the window is a great way to achieve a short term velocity boost
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Sep 3, 2018 21:33
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DONT THREAD ON ME posted:Hello All, how about we increase your velocity by shooting you out of a cannon ya loving idiot
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Sep 3, 2018 21:35
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to find the true meaning of velocity you need to ingest large quantities of ayahuasca in some South American jungle. hope this hjelps u!!!!!!!
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Sep 3, 2018 21:40
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voted 1 m/s^s
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Sep 3, 2018 22:29
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ok, so get this. say you were on a spaceship traveling AT the speed of light (or c  ) and you increased ur developer velocity. would you then go faster than light then??????
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Sep 3, 2018 22:33
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President Beep posted:ok, so get this. say you were on a spaceship traveling AT the speed of light (or c You can't increase your velocity this is the max / optimum development velocity, duh. Why do you think Jeff Bezzoss is investing so mucb in space ship?
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Sep 3, 2018 23:01
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Skim Milk posted:voted 1 m/s^s s^s  i agree with the poster that suggested throwing the developers out the window
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Sep 3, 2018 23:04
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we keep some hoverboards and scooters in the office, seems to work well op, but i avoid anything metric as i'm not a godless communist
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Sep 3, 2018 23:22
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shaggar alt spotted.
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Sep 3, 2018 23:23
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creationist believer posted:s^s im not good at computer
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Sep 3, 2018 23:29
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The optimal velocity for a developer is just past the point that the atmosphere lights them on fire due to friction
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Sep 3, 2018 23:41
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congrats on making it to the front page, op!
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Sep 3, 2018 23:46
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wow. beating out the crem de la crem, such as “i just took a dump”.
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Sep 3, 2018 23:47
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President Beep posted:wow. beating out the crem de la crem, such as i just took a dump. and who says that gbs lacks quality posting these days?
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Sep 3, 2018 23:49
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President Beep posted:ok, so get this. say you were on a spaceship traveling AT the speed of light (or c help, my developers are moving too fast, they can't actually do anything due to relativistic effects
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Sep 4, 2018 00:10
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akadajet posted:congrats on making it to the front page, op! making it to the what
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Sep 4, 2018 00:34
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goldmine immediately
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Sep 4, 2018 00:37
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Bloody posted:making it to the what 
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Sep 4, 2018 00:39
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you need to a bitcoin-based seastead travelling at a constant velocity on the ocean OP, just watch out for the bit-pirates and the cyber-police
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Sep 4, 2018 01:09
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just take them up to the top of a building for a team building exercise, and then you throw them off the building
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Sep 4, 2018 01:15
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Broken Machine posted:just take them up to the top of a building for a team building exercise, and then you throw them off the building i already made this joke
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Sep 4, 2018 01:31
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Hi op, I suggest asking them what would give them greater velocity! After all nobody knows better what is required than the devs themselves. Schedule a series of meetings in which you brainstorm about how the company can help them. It's very important that you say that the meetings are optional. However, any that don't attend are not interested in velocity and can be let go. They may come up with some expensive changes or some which require further changes across the rest of the organisation - you can safely ignore those they're just trying to con you for some money.
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Sep 4, 2018 11:42
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I also recommend getting the team to organise themselves into sprints. The typical duration is one or two weeks and the average sprinting speed is 8mph but you may find your developers are unable to reach that initially
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Sep 4, 2018 11:54
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how about adding points? more measures measuring velocity
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Sep 4, 2018 12:20
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increase it to terminal velocity 
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Sep 4, 2018 12:24
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gonadic io posted:I also recommend getting the team to organise themselves into sprints. The typical duration is one or two weeks and the average sprinting speed is 8mph but you may find your developers are unable to reach that initially this is a solved problem, dummy.  u just tie everyone together with one of those big tug of war ropes and they all go faster. it’s called “synergy” or possibly “drafting”.
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Sep 4, 2018 12:34
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gonadic io posted:Hi op, I suggest asking them what would give them greater velocity! After all nobody knows better what is required than the devs themselves.
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Sep 4, 2018 13:20
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Immediately fire any developer that shows any sign of velocity other than when getting to work.
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Sep 4, 2018 13:47
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op, have you considered putting your devs in a tesla?
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Sep 4, 2018 14:21
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Here's a tip, op: Point bugs. Point fall in work, point everything. Anything anyone does, point it, because we have to get "credit" for the work we do. Whatever it takes we've got to make these charts go up Up UP!
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Sep 4, 2018 14:43
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