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I'm going to miami this weekend. Usually I go to the everglades and the upper keys and stuff, but this time I'm bringing some friends who want to do the whole nightmare south beach club thing. Sounds real cool! ... but fellas, I've never been in a club! What should I expect? Are there good any good ones we should go to? Can girls smell the fear-sweat pooling in my underwear? I'm at my wit's end, here, and I could really use some help from the people who know what's what: the something awful forums community
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Sep 5, 2018 04:20
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| # ? May 11, 2024 10:31 |
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Those clubs just play Will Smith's Miami song 24-7 anyways, if you can dance to that you're deffo going to get laid
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Sep 5, 2018 04:24
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All the cool kids wear their sunglasses indoors
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Sep 5, 2018 04:27
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Thots and Prayers posted:Those clubs just play Will Smith's Miami song 24-7 anyways, if you can dance to that you're deffo going to get laid I'm married and she'll be there so obviously getting laid will be difficult, but you know what I always say: just 'cause there's a goalie don't mean you can't score
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Sep 5, 2018 04:29
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Remember when they shamed that fat guy who was trying to dance at that club
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Sep 5, 2018 04:31
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south beach is p cool op, enjoy
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Sep 5, 2018 04:32
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I enjoy clubbing baby seals
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Sep 5, 2018 04:33
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Contrary to popular media, some members of Miami Vice are not attractive. At all.
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Sep 5, 2018 04:35
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If you accidentally bump in to another man at the club, be prepared to fight him to the death. Inject a large dose of steroids before going out so you will have the edge when you get in these fights.
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Sep 5, 2018 04:35
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Watch a lot of pitbull music videos to get a feel for the scenario before you hit the real thing
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Sep 5, 2018 04:37
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just enjoy driving in miami and make sure u are drunk and armed, then all will be well, that’s even true at like 8am on Tuesday
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Sep 5, 2018 04:37
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1redflag posted:Watch a lot of pitbull music videos to get a feel for the scenario before you hit the real thing came here to say the same thing mr 305 won't steer you wrong
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Sep 5, 2018 04:41
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South Beach fuckin blows, although I would like to thank Cuba for their women Honestly OP you should hit up Wynwood e: or Coconut Grove, or even Lincoln Avenue ElectricSheep fucked around with this message at 04:49 on Sep 5, 2018 |
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Sep 5, 2018 04:43
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i cant wait for that loving city to be swallowed by the ocean forever it makes Los Angeles look like a mature and cultured city by comparison
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Sep 5, 2018 04:47
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Just queue up a bunch of Smiths songs and stay crying in your room, which is what any self respecting goon would do
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Sep 5, 2018 05:05
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Don't forget to brush and floss those pearly whites
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Sep 5, 2018 05:07
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cuban sandwiches
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Sep 5, 2018 05:07
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Load up on those little cups of café Cubano and just go hog wild.
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Sep 6, 2018 17:33
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Gold chains, louvered shades, a shitload of Axe body spray, shirt unbuttoned to the waist. Now you're ready to party.
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Sep 6, 2018 18:02
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Chinatown posted:i cant wait for that loving city to be swallowed by the ocean forever Same but for all coastal cities, including the one I currently reside in
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Sep 6, 2018 18:06
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Chinatown posted:i cant wait for that loving city to be swallowed by the ocean forever accurate
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Sep 6, 2018 18:08
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Lol Miami loving suuuuucks. Make sure to flip off Homestead for me if you drive down to the keys later
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Sep 6, 2018 19:39
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never been in a club? well, in a miami club, expect: *ridiculous cover charge to get in because you're a guy *insanely expensive alcohol prices *lol ur shot is 15 bucks* *them to charge you a ton to sit in a booth* *music so loud you will want to die* *CHADS as far as the eye can see* you're in over your head, try not to sit in the corner sipping a zima all night
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Sep 6, 2018 19:56
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You should just go to a rave they are way better, even in 2018. For some reason in the USA most clubs = people go to show off and look cooler than everyone else it's pretty lame.
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Sep 6, 2018 20:02
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First thing order a tray full of shooters. Drink them as fast as you can. It'll take a few minutes before your legs go, use that time to get on the dance floor. Now it's party time.
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Sep 6, 2018 20:08
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lol op in a club
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Sep 6, 2018 20:15
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Nerses IV posted:... but fellas, I've never been in a club! What should I expect? Take lots of dollar bills and see if one of the ladies will give you a lap dance. You can always tell the girls who have a boob job and its not worth trying to grab onto fake boobs. I wear glasses and a few times the dancers took my glasses and smeared them all over their private bits. edit: nm, I thought you were talking about strip clubs. But chances are you will get to see more at a strip club than you will at a regular dance club.
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Sep 6, 2018 20:30
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"You're wearing too many glow sticks" -said by no-one ever
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Sep 6, 2018 20:34
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Goin to the club solo tonight to game some females...it’s the ultimate gauntlet...my masculinity and skills vs chads Big throbbing Cock...loser gets cucked...winner...goes home with Stacy........
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Sep 6, 2018 20:35
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maker posted:Goin to the club solo tonight to game some females...it’s the ultimate gauntlet...my masculinity and skills vs chads Big throbbing Cock...loser gets cucked...winner...goes home with Stacy........ Oh I'm sure you'll be going up against some big throbbing cock alright
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Sep 6, 2018 20:41
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dance music will be played very loudly over any attempt to communicate with a dense mob of beautiful strangers. a vague sense of pointless danger will radiate from insecure men. you will consume alcohol at exorbitant prices partly to dispel the intense body heat as you become part of the crowd, expressing sexual desire through dance mainly consisting of inelegant, aggressive thrusting, because it turns out most modern dance music is counterintuitively difficult to actually dance to, but this means when the dj drops a throwback like "apache (jump on it)" everybody loses their poo poo and it's the best part of the night. should you find a partner who shows mutual interest, hooking up will prove a vivacious but inadequate and shortly-lived substitute for meaningful human connection. you might wake up somewhere weird. never follow anybody with an eastern-european accent to a secondary location. lastly, when you hear lil jon go "shots! shots! shots shots shots shots! shots! shots shots shots shots! shots! shots shots shots shots! everybooooody" most of the people there will respond in kind, and it's fun, but then there's a part where you just go "aughhhl leughh eh uh eh aeuughlelgheugheuh" in time with the music and that's a pretty good time to really cut loose
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Sep 6, 2018 20:44
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Bring a melon and baller
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Sep 6, 2018 20:50
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Big Beef City posted:Oh I'm sure you'll be going up against some big throbbing cock alright And there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
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Sep 6, 2018 20:55
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Leon Einstein posted:Bring a...baller sup I'm here
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Sep 6, 2018 21:28
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I was gonna say that in south beach the tourists are as bad as the locals but in this case you're the tourist so you're gonna get what's coming to you.
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Sep 6, 2018 21:37
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Moridin920 posted:You should just go to a rave they are way better, even in 2018. yeah seriously do this it is extremely easy to find one too
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Sep 6, 2018 21:48
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Cubone posted:dance music will be played very loudly over any attempt to communicate with a dense mob of beautiful strangers. a vague sense of pointless danger will radiate from insecure men. you will consume alcohol at exorbitant prices partly to dispel the intense body heat as you become part of the crowd, expressing sexual desire through dance mainly consisting of inelegant, aggressive thrusting, because it turns out most modern dance music is counterintuitively difficult to actually dance to, but this means when the dj drops a throwback like "apache (jump on it)" everybody loses their poo poo and it's the best part of the night. should you find a partner who shows mutual interest, hooking up will prove a vivacious but inadequate and shortly-lived substitute for meaningful human connection. you might wake up somewhere weird. never follow anybody with an eastern-european accent to a secondary location. lastly, when you hear lil jon go "shots! shots! shots shots shots shots! shots! shots shots shots shots! shots! shots shots shots shots! everybooooody" most of the people there will respond in kind, and it's fun, but then there's a part where you just go "aughhhl leughh eh uh eh aeuughlelgheugheuh" in time with the music and that's a pretty good time to really cut loose This, plus: Dress decently so that you don't stand out in a bad way; a polo shirt with decent shoes usually works. Since it's Miami you could possibly wear a Hawaiian shirt or one of those guayabera ones from Cuba and Mexico. You should expect pretty much everyone there to have come to the club in a group, and hang out and leave as same, so if you have a group of your own to go with that usually works in your favor since if you go solo it'll be unusual. It's not like you're going to meet anybody new inside; no one goes to a club to do that anymore it seems. They go to hang out with their friends in a place where the music is loud and the drinks are more overpriced than usual. (That stuff you hear about starlets in "the hottest clubs"? Yeah, that only applies to money-to-burn wealthy cities like NYC, LA, and Miami and they're only going there to be "seen" in a joint that's both more exclusive and more expensive than the average offerings you'd find in most cities.) It's not like a pub where you can strike up a chat with the other patrons or a venue where you'll watch amateurs, genuine up-and-coming acts, or cover bands. Once you've done the club thing a few times, you'll wonder what the big deal is. Often times, it's just to go there "to go there" and sometimes exclusivity gets into the mix.
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Sep 6, 2018 23:54
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Bars and clubs loving suck now. Enjoy never talking to anyone and paying too much for drinks near people who won't get off their phone. Raves/concerts are better, but in TYOOL 2018, all social contact must be pre screened by the AI app overlords. Have fun!
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Sep 7, 2018 01:18
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Cubone posted:dance music will be played very loudly over any attempt to communicate with a dense mob of beautiful strangers. a vague sense of pointless danger will radiate from insecure men. you will consume alcohol at exorbitant prices partly to dispel the intense body heat as you become part of the crowd, expressing sexual desire through dance mainly consisting of inelegant, aggressive thrusting, because it turns out most modern dance music is counterintuitively difficult to actually dance to, but this means when the dj drops a throwback like "apache (jump on it)" everybody loses their poo poo and it's the best part of the night. should you find a partner who shows mutual interest, hooking up will prove a vivacious but inadequate and shortly-lived substitute for meaningful human connection. you might wake up somewhere weird. never follow anybody with an eastern-european accent to a secondary location. lastly, when you hear lil jon go "shots! shots! shots shots shots shots! shots! shots shots shots shots! shots! shots shots shots shots! everybooooody" most of the people there will respond in kind, and it's fun, but then there's a part where you just go "aughhhl leughh eh uh eh aeuughlelgheugheuh" in time with the music and that's a pretty good time to really cut loose  what if I just wanna chill on the beach but I didn’t bring a banana hammock?
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Sep 7, 2018 01:22
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make sure to put sunscreen on your banana it might peel
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Sep 7, 2018 01:45
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