Apple Special Event 2018 Live thread:

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > Apple Special Event 2018 Live thread:

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

KidDynamite posted:

who the fucks heartrate is 78 resting?

Mine is like 78 during the day, and about 50-60 when in bed

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 18:28

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 12:53

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Binary Badger posted:

Oh geez get the gently caress off the screen Jony

you suck and you design suck

What
*has heart attack, dies because of no Apple Watch series 4*

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 18:30

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

KidDynamite posted:

maybe like increase the battery life instead of giving me all this mildly useful poo poo

Or an always on screen

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 18:32

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

I know they use hip young athletes to advertise these but this is the most boomer presentation... watches... Hermes gold bands... heart monitors...

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 18:35

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

logikv9 posted:

ok grandma remember to wear this and charge it everyday. the side button goes home and the crown does this, no that's the crown and this is the button.

No, your iCloud password... we need it to unlock the phone... what do you mean you synced it with grandpas phone

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 18:36

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

AlternateAccount posted:

Tim Cook's drawl makes the word TEN two syllables and it drives me loving nuts.

His coached fake enthusiasm is even worse this year

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 18:38

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

How TIM, HOW
How did you make an iPhone that is not less advanced than last years???

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 18:40

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

This is the iPhone ten rear end

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 18:40

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

We tested it with all sorts of fluids... cum, juice, tea,dev tears

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 18:42

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

AlternateAccount posted:

How long has it been since we've had our hair blown back by a ONE MORE THING that came out of loving nowhere?

When did Steve die?

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 18:57

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Snuffman posted:

Apple employees have lots of pretty friends.

When you�re rich as gently caress you tend to attract models

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:15

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Electric Bugaloo posted:

Just get one and if you don�t like it return it. My S3 is totally inessential but I also like it a lot and find myself using it for poo poo all the time.

It frustrates me to no end that Apple remains obstinate about never pushing for a unified controller standard or ecosystem for that poo poo. Like, I get that in 2010 Jobs didn�t want devs leaning on peripheral accessories because he wanted to normalize multitouch and force devs to make good apps for it �so that you never need to connect anything to your phone/tablet to make it good� but it�s 2018 and people run loving PUBG on their iPhones but Apple insists on games being almost exclusively �touch first�.

The Nintendo Switch has a Tegra from 2015 and a 720p screen but everybody�s falling over themselves to port poo poo like DOOM to it with great results, and that�s on top of Nintendo still having the most busted rear end online service and digital software store in the industry. Meanwhile iOS hardware from like the last 3 years runs performance circles around the Switch and Apple has the App Store/online backup/etc benchmark but that poo poo�s for mobile games and tappity-tap garbage because nobody wants to make a loving controller for it and Apple has no interest in fostering that development when they�re raking in all of those Pok�mon Go bucks.

Like, literally call up 8bitDo and be like �we�ll take care of the certification process but you gotta sell some controllers in our stores� or Microsoft and be like �your console is getting the crap kicked out of it. Make the XBone controller iOS compatible and we�ll stock it� and be done. Both 8bitDo and Microsoft controllers already natively work with Mac OS so the absence on iOS is literally because nobody-most critically Apple- see a point to it. The only controllers Apple sells are those POS Steelseries ones from 2012 that cost like $100. This is why we can�t have Skyrim on iOS.

*gives you a mega swirly*

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:19

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Bring out Lisa

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:20

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

logikv9 posted:

all those apple factories now run on clean energy, except for foxconn they aren't apple

I mean humans are 100% recyclable

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:23

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

iPhone R(etarded)

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:28

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

ratbert90 posted:

No 3d touch? Rofl

Goddamn it Tim

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:30

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Rip Touch ID forever

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:34

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

IUG posted:

Buying one of these. I just hope they double the storage. No one ever programmed for the 3D touch anyways.

Don�t talk to me or my 3D Touch enabled iPhone ever again

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:35

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

AlternateAccount posted:

HERE'S SOME VIDEO OF PLACES YOUR POOR NON 3D TOUCH HAVIN' rear end COULD NEVER AFFORD TO GO

With beautiful friends who would never socialize with you doing things you couldn�t

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:38

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Something Offal posted:

Only difference between XS and XS Max is the screen size, is that correct?

De Max has hdr I think, also it will make you look like a small child

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:39

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Here come the ipads!

No? Maybe?

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:42

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

EL BROMANCE posted:

Virtually nobody is stupid enough to buy a HomePod, Tim. Definitely nobody is stupid enough to buy two.

I really wanted one until I found out you had to scream at Siri to do things on it

I bought a Sonos 5 and it�s loving awesome 😎

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:44

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

No new iPads I guess ?

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:44

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

AlternateAccount posted:

omfg how many red bulls does Tim have to chug to fake this much enthusiasm this badly?

Tim, for every emotion you can successfully fake we receive up to.00003% boost to stock

Timbot sighs

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:46

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Looke posted:

that was pretty shite

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 19:56

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

Xabi posted:

Who the gently caress needs 512 gb anyway?

My ASMR videos can go on for a long time, at 1080p it adds up

Comfy Fleece Sweater fucked around with this message at 20:09 on Sep 12, 2018

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 20:01

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

64bit_Dophins posted:

Wait did the original X not have 3D Touch? Seriously?

The iPhone X has 3D Touch

# ¿ Sep 12, 2018 23:07

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 12:53

Comfy Fleece Sweater: Apr 2, 2013; You see, but you do not observe.

MarcusSA posted:

Apparently it�s really loving hard if like the biggest tech company in the world can�t get it to work LMAO.

Maybe this loving idiot Tim will finally learn to not announce things before they�re at least in prototype stage

Same poo poo happened with AirPods and HomePod although at least those were eventually released

# ¿ Sep 13, 2018 18:35

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > Apple Special Event 2018 Live thread: