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Rather self-explanatory. Choose a topic that you have little-no-no-knowledge of. Spend a few paragraphs telling us detailed information about your topic. I urge you to pick something that you have absolutely no familiarity with. It will make it more fun. For example, I choose: Science So I guess science is like a bunch of dudes and dudessess who want to, metaphorically (not like really or anything) look at ladies without their make-up on. They're all like, "wow here is a thing, let's make it boring by seeing how it works." So basically they like look at stuff in a microscope (little scope) and like, I don't know, write poo poo down and I guess that somehow answers some question no one asked. As a race scientists are conniving and often fear sunlight and crucifixes. They can be identified by their often cheap and unfashionable shoes. To help us achieve a deeper and more meaningful understanding of science let us look at the extremely brief history of science. Science was founded in 1939 by Harold Houdini. He was locked in a safe trying to escape and while ensafed he was like, "Aw poo poo, dawg. Things be all like sciency and poo poo" (Houdini 1938). This inscription is still etched on the base of his statue in Columbia, South Carolina. Some say it was on that day that the age of reason truly began. In a conclusive summation science is kind of lame. Who the gently caress even knows who Harry Houdini is? I mean light bulbs are cool. I guess. But do I really need to know how they work to enjoy them. No. No, I don't. Science also sucks because from what I understand the army uses science to kill people. Pretty loving uncool, science. Pretty loving uncool.
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Oct 5, 2018 17:22
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this is a great question to own assholes like myself who enjoy knowing a bit about everything
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Oct 5, 2018 17:28
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Beef A Beef is grown inside of the Cow, which is the adult form of the Bovine-pupae. Once fully formed, the Beef is surgically removed from the Cow, which then goes on to produce up to twelve additional Beefs over the course of its hundred-year lifespan. Beefs are collected in a standard ten-ton Beef-Bucket, where they are squeezed to remove the vital juices, essential components for our modern gadgets like cell phones and bluetooth vibrators. After squeezing, they are shipped to Norway for pickling in shark urine, where they can be preserved for up to four hundred years. Fun fact - that Egyptian sarcophagus contained three slabs of still-edible ancient Beef! Now, you may be wondering how it gets from the picking barn to your dinner table. Worry ye not, friend! Thanks to the magic of 'just-in-time' inventory sourcing and free trade agreements, millions of helicopters are running 24/7 to ferry the Beefs from Norway back to the US for your enjoyment. So the next time you cut into an old, shark piss-soaked Beef cube, say a quiet thanks for the technological wonders that make it possible!
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Oct 5, 2018 17:30
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Mozi posted:Beef  Okay so can the thread just stay at this level of quality please?
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Oct 5, 2018 17:32
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Good Posting The essence of good posting is, in short, expansiveness. A dozen or so paragraphs of purpling and turgid prose can make even the stupidest joke seem amazing, like a single raisin at the bottom of a basin of thin, watery gruel. By churning out line after line of flawlessly crafted postmanship, the conversation can be steered effectively and effortlessly to that which you, the poster, wish to discuss. For example, the question of why'd you ban me from the GBS discord, you fucker!?
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Oct 5, 2018 17:34
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First,Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:turgid prose  Second, Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:For example, the question of why'd you ban me from the GBS discord, you fucker!? I don't think I have that power...
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Oct 5, 2018 17:38
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Organic chemistry is a field of science related to only naturally occurring chemical compounds as opposed to synthetic chemistry, which deals with man made compounds. Using organic chemistry formulas, you can create any compound you want by simply adding the correct ratios of elements to a mix, much like baking a cake (baking is technically a type of organically chemistry).
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Oct 5, 2018 17:38
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Televisions! What magical devices, taking photons that went into a camera thousands of miles away and spitting them out right in your very own living room. But though these wondrous instruments may seem like they were devised with the hands of sorcery, they have a real, scientific basis that drives their function, much like the common house freezer or the motor automobile. As I said, it all comes back to photons, those particles of light that number in the millions and function basically as bits- they can't carry much information by themselves, only able to convey a binary light/dark state - but when they come together in aggregate they are able to convey information like colour, motion, and even colour. But how are these photons captured, and how do they make their way to your living room? Well, the people who make the shows you love use a device called a Camera that's pointed at the actors or the scenes that you watch at home. This Camera contains a very special sensor that receives the photons and converts them into digital information, remember that photons are binary so it's actually a very easy swap to the 1s and 0s of the computer language. Once this swap has been made, electricity is used to send the 1s and 0s through a series of cabling and tubes to a broadcast antenna, where they can be broadcast to your television's receiver antenna. In order to do this, these binary converted photons need to be put into radio wave format, where rather than a binary 1s and 0s system there is a wide range of frequencies available. This means that essentially, radio waves between x and y frequency represent 1s, and waves between y and z frequency represent 0s. But because the radio frequencies are an analog medium and not digital, there is some room for potential error, as those frequencies that lie right in and around the "y" frequency mentioned above can be interpreted as either a 0 or a 1. Usually this doesn't account for much, but sometimes it manifests in very strange output on the television - many stories are out there about 'spooky' things that regular people like you or I have seen on their television sets. Of course, with the advent of digital cable and DSL these frequency related manifestations are much less well known but you can see the film "Poltergiest" for a fairly accurate historical representation.
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Oct 5, 2018 17:43
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The Walrus posted:Televisions!  Always wondered about that.
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Oct 5, 2018 17:51
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A Trip to the Gynecologist every so often you gotta get your lady parts checked kind of like looking for cavities in your teeth only this time its god-knows-what in your cavities and its really hard to stand over a mirror and do it yourself. you wait in the waiting room and there are lots of magazines except for field&stream. then after that you take off all your clothes except for that sweater you wore because it was cold out and you wonder if you should take off that too because now that you think of it the sweater looks funny without any pants. then the doc walks in and he (or she!) says go on relax and put your feet up hah thats a little gynecologist humor. then they put on a beekeepers outfit and a lead vest and ask you to take deep deep breaths from the bottom of the uterus. the gynecologist lights a match in there and maybe wiggles a ph strip around. at the end you get to take home a package of towelettes and a brochure.
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Oct 5, 2018 17:52
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Blue Whales Blue Whales are aquatic mammals that weighs over 1000 lbs. Its closest known ancestor on land is a kind of extinct wolf kind of weasel thing whose evolution bloodline diverged over 200 million years ago. Nobody knows for sure how mammals got back into the ocean. The Blue Whale is the biggest and toughest aquatic mammal. Blue Whales are an important type of animal to science because ???? and so scientists are always studying them. Pollution is killing off whales because they think plastic bags are jellyfish. Eating too much plastic drives Blue Whales literally insane and they launch themselves on to the beach. This is something called "Death Stranding," which is also going to be the name of a Hideo Kojima video game. When a whale is beached, their organs collapse in on themselves, as they once were bouyant and floaty in the water. We are looking for ways to reduce plastic consumption that ends up in the water. Blue Whales gets their name because they are the color blue. Blue Whales will always win fights against Giant Squids. Whaling was once a very important part of the global economy because all our lanterns were fueled by whale fat. This practice continues today for fun and sport and food by certain countries that shall remain nameless. If Blue Whales die out, the world's plankton reserves will grow out of check. Plankton makes most of our oxygen through photosynthesis, and too much plankton would cause a mass exitinction of plankton and then we'd have less clean air. In short, always cut up the plastic rings that an 8 pack of Gatorade comes with, as this will save the whales from human harm forever. The End.
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Oct 5, 2018 18:01
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curlys gold posted:A Trip to the Gynecologist Illuminating! Ligament posted:Blue Whales Insightful!
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Oct 5, 2018 18:27
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Resealable Bags In 1833, a young Ottoman Doctor by the name of Ayfer Ozan was researching Dropsy on the young ladies of the time. Wishing that he had an easy way to continually look inside their body cavities, he devised a way to make a resealable opening that involved two hardened lines of horse ligament. Those two sides would nest inside each other creating a water-tight bond. This method worked well for the time, however young Ayfer’s love of drink would be his undoing. He lost the patent to Baron Otto Von Ziplock in a card game during the Wallachian Revolution of 1848. Penniless and homeless, Ayfer Ozan died never knowing just how revolutionary his invention would be. According to family, his dying words were, “Yellow and blue…..yellow and blue…..make…..green”.
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Oct 5, 2018 18:41
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Periods: Every 28 days or full moon a woman's uterus fills with blood. If a man doesn't impregnate her during this time all the blood falls out and ruins the bedsheets. The blood, called menses, also attracts bears and sanitary napkins. If a woman takes the risk and uses a tampon, there is a good chance she will turn into the Toxic Shock Avenger.
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Oct 5, 2018 18:44
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Half of these Wikipedia articles have been about how goons don't know anything about vaginas. Checks out.
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Oct 5, 2018 19:19
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CassandraZara posted:Half of these Wikipedia articles have been about how goons don't know anything about vaginas. Checks out. :lmdbo:
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Oct 5, 2018 19:20
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Somethingawful dot com A website founded by Richard Ronald Margaret "Lowtax" Kyanka III in 1998 as a place for likeminded libertarians to discuss the benefits of low tax and free market economics. Founded with a $72 million investment from the Koch brothers, somethingawful dot com quickly became the plaything of the super rich where people such as Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos would use anonymous accounts to pretend to be random nobodies posting about having "poo poo their pants" The registration fee was set at $10 as Jeff Bezos felt that this would keep out the riff-raff, but at the same time he didn't want to waste money unnecessarily. By 2016 somethingawful was consumed with irony when its billionaire members began roleplaying as hard-core Marxists, and its peak was reached when Elon Musk started a thread about himself calling himself a backwards chud.
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Oct 5, 2018 19:44
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Skyscrapers: marvels of model engineering Once upon a time we would build huts. This worked just loving fine for like 100,000 years. Then there were so many humans that we said "what if we built a hut on top of that other hut over there?" That worked fine but there was no way to get into it so then we built stairs and the early form of OSHA was all "yo you need to have an elevator so the Town Cripple can get up there" but no one knew what an elevator was so we went back to huts. Eventually we figured out that you could just keep building more and more huts on top of each other and really pack all a whole bunch of humans in one area which led to agriculture and factory farming and then canned meat products.
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Oct 5, 2018 20:22
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Classical Music Classical music is when they rev up those strings 'till they purr. A lot of people don't know this, but classical music played in any other way than live is not considered real classical, but merely 'classic'. This is because the inventor of classical music, Plato, defined it in terms of his allegory of the cave; if you weren't locked into a dark space for way too long with a bunch of people also in the same situation, it couldn't be fully appreciated from a state of ignorance. As such, the measure of the level of 'classical' that is classical music is length, as it keeps you confined longer. Multi-hour classical music epics that bore you to tears and make you wish you were anywhere else are the ideal of the genre.
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Oct 5, 2018 20:30
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Mushrooms Mushrooms - fruit of the forest! These soil-dwelling critters are deceptively slow-moving, fooling many into thinking that they do not walk around, much less dance. Nothing could be further from the truth! At night, particularly on lucky nights such as the Summer Solstice and Passover, the sharp-eyed "mushroomolologist" will see hundreds if not thousands of these wide-capped creatures tangoing beneath the stars. And if one is so lucky as to lure one into one's lap, they will be rewarded with good luck for the next ten generations, or so the legends say. The personal life of a mushroom is complex as well, involving many nutrient and energy transactions through a subterranean web of a substance called 'blockchain.' In this manner, they are able to achieve a group consciousness with full trust among all participants, aside from the rare hacking scandal. While many people claim the mushroom is edible, these crazed zealots are not to be trusted. Far better to rub the mushroom on your forehead while chanting "taki mani om nama haparti mani om" until it has sublimated completely through the skin - in this manner, one might be reborn as a mushroom in the next life. If only we all could be so lucky!
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Oct 5, 2018 20:46
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Penises I have never seen another man's penis, but as a fairly average person, I can extrapolate based on myself. So the average penis is two inches long when fully erect, and retracts into the body at all other times. It is primarily used for passing urine, which requires the urinator to either sit on the toilet or stimulate the penis so as to allow it to be held. The secondary purpose of the penis is reproduction, which is unfortunate as all women at best find penises hilarious and at worst find them disgusting. The penis is found above the testicles, of which there are two. One of these is approximately the size of an airsoft bb and pale white, while the other is the size of a large apple, bright red and extremely painful to touch. The testicles are presumably the source of the unpleasant smelling green liquid that oozes from the tip of the penis throughout the day. It is not known why sanitary towels are exclusively marketed at women when they are an even more essential purchase for men.
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Oct 5, 2018 20:48
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Sex An important aspect of human social interaction, sex is the language of the body, not to be confused with body language, which is how you attempt to frighten off a bear or signal displeasure to a waiter, or maitre d', depending. For thousands of years sex was confined to the realm of binary male and female couples, but modern technology has opened the door to a realm of new possibilities. This has become known as the Sexual Superhighway, which can be accessed via home computer or a landline with a toll-free number. This new accessibility has created a renaissance, and now more people are enjoying sex than ever before, as well as in novel and exciting ways that were thought impossible only a few years ago. Technically known as mating1, sex can be found wherever people tend to gather or interact. Sex can be found in the grocery store, the library, or even in your own home, but be sure to stay abreast of the various laws and bylaws associated. When in doubt, be sure to contact your local police precinct or homeowners association to confirm you live in a neighborhood that's properly zoned for sex, as ignorance will not save you from fines or even jail time in the eyes of the law. Talk about a hard day in court! I hope this has answered some of the questions you may have about sex. If you'd like to learn more, or if you're interested in trying sex out for yourself, feel free to call my number at [REDACTED BY THE FEDERAL BOARD OF HEALTH AND SAFETY]. 1. This is a common reference to the game of chess and the concept of "checkmating." In much a similar way to chess' mating, human mating involves placing one's opponent into an unwinnable scenario from which there is no escape. house of the dad fucked around with this message at 21:32 on Oct 5, 2018 |
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Oct 5, 2018 21:04
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Face-Off I want to take his face... off https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIyvSKCnBnk
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Oct 5, 2018 21:07
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Gas ovens Click-click-click goes the dial and you're in business because gas and literal flames are coming from your stove. This is good and you're not going to die. This is the best kind of oven and all the chefs love it because , but don't even think about moving it to clean because it's attached to a "gas" "line".
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Oct 5, 2018 21:33
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Mansplain thread
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Oct 5, 2018 21:35
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i like that posted:Mansplain thread Wow, great contribution! ...oh wait, no it's less than a sentence.
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Oct 5, 2018 21:36
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At least Lacey up there pumped out a sentence and a half.
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Oct 5, 2018 21:37
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visual aids count bro
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Oct 5, 2018 21:42
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Peanut Butter George Washington Carver! Our most famous president, this heroic specimen not only tamed the wild natives, but the lowly underground bean known as the 'peanut' as well! A member of the legume family, like brussels sprouts and avocado, the peanut is a hardy perennial native to eastern Saskatchewan. Originally a curiosity due to it's similarity to the famous 'Mexican jumping bean,' it fell to President Carver to bite into one and unlock its buttery delights for all. The peanut plant, once established, will create thousands of peanuts every year. Specially trained pigs are used to root around in the root structure and dislodge these tasty morsels, whereupon they are collected and immediately mashed into butter, to avoid contamination by the air. While traditionally they were mashed in a large wooden cask by barefoot peasants, in modern times the peasants are required to wear flip-flops. The resulting 'butter' is then mixed with equal parts actual butter and corn syrup, to aid in digestion. Try it on bread, in soups, or even on top of other peanuts! One word of caution - it is known that George Washington Carver eventually turned into a giant peanut and went berserk, killing hundreds. So try not to let that happen to you.
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Oct 5, 2018 21:43
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The Pyramids One of the great wonders in Civilization, Pyramids give you an extra worker or something, but they're also real and in Egypt and we're built thousands of years ago. Scientists are baffled why they don't just crumble away like ordinary sand rocks. It's probably because of pharoah power which is also how mummies are made. Mummies are another topic altogether but I'll tell you this: they don't just come from Pyramids. They're in more places than you might think so watch your step especially around crypts.
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Oct 5, 2018 21:44
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marijuanamancer posted:visual aids count bro 
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Oct 5, 2018 21:45
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Literally A Person posted:Rather self-explanatory. Choose a topic that you have little-no-no-knowledge of. Spend a few paragraphs telling us detailed information about your topic. This is the white man's burden
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Oct 5, 2018 21:46
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marijuanamancer posted:visual aids count bro You can’t see when someone has aids.
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Oct 5, 2018 21:46
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White Man's Burden Ugh, my back hurts today. I guess I'll take the day off.
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Oct 5, 2018 21:47
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invisible aids are the worst. my uncle died from sharing needles rip
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Oct 5, 2018 21:49
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Mansplaining So basically it's a gendered version of planing a board. You start with a penis and a surface planer. Plane only a 8th of an inch at a time to stop the planer from binding.
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Oct 5, 2018 21:52
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Manspreading Using your penis to put condiments on other foods. Usually sandwiches, toast, crackers, and other flat foodstuffs.
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Oct 5, 2018 21:55
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World War I the first world war was a giant mess but probably excusable because it was the worlds first war. duke ferdinand got shot and also his wife got shot and nobody really cared but still had to act mad because it was good manners. every country made big ditches to show whose side of the line belonged to who. eventually somebody invaded the other side’s ditch and then they had to retreat and make a new ditch before retaking the old ditch at which point an opposite secondary ditch was made and soon europe was covered with ditches. you could only see the other armys hats from the ditches so silly hats became standard issue for safety reasons. the silly hats soon lost their luster on account of the giant artillery and poison gas so everybody just sort of gave up and signed restraining orders.
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Oct 5, 2018 22:06
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curlys gold posted:World War I Love when historian goons post in GBS!
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Oct 5, 2018 22:07
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| # ? May 16, 2024 19:36 |
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this is a good thread but in the wrong environment
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Oct 5, 2018 23:40
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