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quote:I. M. Gei The wisest master of all can teach merely through being named.
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Nov 2, 2018 14:16
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| # ? May 2, 2024 20:46 |
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Two monks sat in the temple, musing on the nature of man. They talked for hours on morality, good and evil, with mutual wisdom and respect. When the topic of true chaos was broached, however, one of the monks only spoke the word "Landerig". The other monk struck the first with a single blow, killing them instantly so they might maintain some measure of dignity in death.
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Nov 2, 2018 14:23
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spinderella posted:To quote is to be human,
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Nov 2, 2018 16:17
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ToxicSlurpee posted:A goon master living a simple life was once visited by a thief. The thief discovered that there was nothing to steal. The goon master caught him and said "you came far to visit me. Please, allow me to ensure you do not leave empty handed." He gave the thief his clothing as a gift. The thief was confused and slunk away. The goon master, now naked, donned his ring, bent forward and opened himself as his master had taught him. "Poor fellow," he mused. "I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon." I am enlightened
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Nov 2, 2018 16:42
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What if the original koans were just a bunch of monk culture in-jokes that got enshrined over the ages?
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Nov 2, 2018 16:52
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Pvt.Scott posted:What if the original koans were just a bunch of monk culture in-jokes that got enshrined over the ages? I'm reasonably certain that's literally all of human culture.
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Nov 2, 2018 16:54
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The master asked a novice if he had any weed. The novice threw his pizza at the master because he wasn't enlightened.
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Nov 2, 2018 17:35
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a novice asked the master, "what is the true posting nature?" the master pondered for a moment and began to speak, but was interrupted by another student in the monastery shouting "i have been working out! my mantra is broken and my koan eats half the posts i try to make, including all of the posts i've tried to make here. i'll try this one more time." the master paused, cleared his throat, and began again. again, the other student yelled "i have been working out! my mantra is broken and my koan eats half the posts i try to make, including all of the posts i've tried to make here. i'll try this one more time." after another pause, the student repeated himself, "i have been working out! my mantra is broken and my koan eats half the posts i try to make, including all of the posts i've tried to make here. i'll try this one more time." the master nodded and walked off, leaving the novice alone. the novice glared at the other student who sheepishly replied, "my koan keeps eating my posts." hearing this, the novice was enlightened.
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Nov 2, 2018 17:47
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Hogge Wild posted:The master asked a novice if he had any weed. This was not the answer though, that novice was kicked out of the High-Kush monastery for being a buzz-kill. But days later another novice succeeded: Master to novice: Could I get a nug off you, I'm out? Novice: If you think really deeply about it, we're all just pizza if we're high enough. The master then knew, the edibles they both took were kicking in and it would all right.
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Nov 2, 2018 18:01
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Can a flask be hosed?
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Nov 2, 2018 18:07
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World War Mammories posted:Can a flask be hosed? Enlightened scientists say, “verily”
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Nov 2, 2018 18:38
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World War Mammories posted:Can a flask be hosed? one can gently caress the flask. but the flask cannot be hosed, as it cannot percieve the act of loving
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Nov 2, 2018 19:44
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A group of students were gathered in the monastery courtyard, locked in a heated discussion regarding a notorious criminal from a nearby village. A master approached, and spoke: "I am capable of many great feats of strength, too many to list. However, I believe that with more training, I can become capable of even greater feats. What training shall I pursue, in order to manifest my true nature?" This confused the students. Was the master addressing them, or speaking to no one? Was this an oblique commentary on their discussion of the notorious criminal? The master did not appear to have more to say, so the students returned to their discussion. After a few minutes, the master spoke again: "The most confusing thing has happened. I felt my lungs push air from my body, I felt my throat hum with speech, and I felt my tongue and mouth form language. However, I heard no words leave my mouth. No matter. I shall repeat myself." "I am capable of many great feats of strength, too many to list. However, I believe that with more training, I can become capable of even greater feats. What training shall I pursue, in order to manifest my true nature?" This confused the students even more. Clearly the master was expecting a response, but from whom? Was this a lesson? Was the master growing mad? Could the master truly not hear? One student spoke: "Master, I do not understand. We are discussing a criminal from a nearby town, not feats of strength. Is your question intended for us? Is it a lesson?" The master remained silent for a few minutes, and then spoke again: "Truly concerning. Again, I felt my lungs push air from my body. Again, I felt my throat hum with speech. Again, I felt my lips and tongue form language. But still, I do not hear words leave my mouth. I shall make another attempt." "I am capable of many great feats of strength, too many to list. However, I believe that with more training, I can become capable of even greater feats. What training shall I pursue, in order to manifest my true nature?" This enlightened the students, who abandoned their discussion and dispersed.
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Nov 2, 2018 20:34
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The student deep in meditation receives an insight to enlightenment. He goes to his teacher to share. "Somebody set up us the bomb." "It's you!!"
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Nov 2, 2018 21:03
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The aged monk sits, contemplating all, and hearsredneck nazgul posted:a novice asked the master, "what is the true posting nature?" Then he hears Paper Tiger posted:A group of students were gathered in the monastery courtyard, locked in a heated discussion regarding a notorious criminal from a nearby village. Inwardly he smiles, for he knows he has been both the first and the second.
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Nov 2, 2018 21:11
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Not even the eldest and wisest monks could answer the abbot’s riddle... however, the lowest of the servants sweeping the courtyard spoke, saying “Venerable one, the answer seems simple... the man you speak of, who pleasures the simple minded... he works from home”.
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Nov 2, 2018 21:46
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A master explained to his students: "When the object enters the timestream, time begins to correct itself. Let me use this example: Imagine four balls on the edge of a cliff. Say a direct copy of the ball nearest the cliff is sent to the back of the line of balls and takes the place of the first ball. The formerly first ball becomes the second, the second becomes the third, and the fourth falls off the cliff. Time works the same way." And thus the students
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Nov 2, 2018 22:11
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El_Elegante posted:The wisest master of all can teach merely through being named. Itu M. Gei
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Nov 2, 2018 23:11
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The divine steps to reduce things to their purest essence: A master had three students. First student: "I am lactose intolerant." Second student: "I am intolerant." Third student: "I am errant". The master said "I am ant". Consequently, the students stepped on the master, squishing him. They walked away, enlightened.
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Nov 2, 2018 23:35
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an acolyte sought a new mantra. he scoured the archives for something to focus his mind and bring him ever so slightly closer to nirvana. finally, in a collection of commentaries over the Empty-Headed Master Paylinn, he found it. soon the monastery echoed with the words: BUSH'S BRAIN!!!!!!!!
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Nov 3, 2018 00:07
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A novice asks his master one day, "master, why does our Lord erect this paywall around our great city?" The master says, "so he may tax those who enter to see our works." The novice responds, "but master, he's already taxed those who reside here, why force those who only wish to visit?" The master contemplates this for a moment and replys "because he can" "That's harsh!" Yells the novice, "wouldn't it be easier to simply tax the residents and leave the visitors in peace?" "Easier, perhaps" says the master, "but a goon Lord must have a spine." Edit: a word honda whisperer fucked around with this message at 04:06 on Nov 3, 2018 |
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Nov 3, 2018 00:17
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Joshu asked, "has an airliner upon a treadmill the flying nature, or not? If any of you can speak a word of truth, speak now!" At the master's asking, the assembled goons immediately burst into an inchoate and incomprehensible rabble. Joshu flourished his sleeves and retired.
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Nov 3, 2018 00:30
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honda whisperer posted:A novice asks his master one day, "master, why does our Lord erect this paywall around our great city?"
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Nov 3, 2018 01:54
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World War Mammories posted:Can a flask be hosed? Very carefully grasshopper, and only for novice without thick dick. Meditate during flask loving with eyes open so chemistry master doesn't catch you.
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Nov 3, 2018 04:19
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BigBadSteve posted:Very carefully grasshopper, and only for novice without thick dick. Meditate during flask loving with eyes open so chemistry master doesn't catch you. And know that your efforts will bear fruit.
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Nov 3, 2018 04:52
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The novice visited the master in the garden one day. "Master, how can I make a thread that will be remembered fondly for eternity?" The master considered for a moment and said "Lend me two dollars." "What for?", said the novice. "The circus is in town", said the master. And the novice was enlightened.
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Nov 3, 2018 17:20
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the postcount that increases is not the true postcount the postcount that decreases is not the true postcount
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Nov 3, 2018 18:18
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The Novice made a shitpost and came to the master bearing it proudly. He said ' Master, is this not a good post?' The Master smiled and said nothing. The next morning the poster was banned. 'Now it is a good post,' said the Master.
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Nov 3, 2018 19:55
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dreadmojo posted:The Novice made a shitpost and came to the master bearing it proudly. He said ' Master, is this not a good post?' lol
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Nov 3, 2018 19:59
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Question not what the man does to his anus. Instead, ask what his anus is doing to him.
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Nov 3, 2018 22:04
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dreadmojo posted:The Novice made a shitpost and came to the master bearing it proudly. He said ' Master, is this not a good post?'
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Nov 4, 2018 01:20
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Poor master. Meditated about ants and achieved enlightenment.
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Nov 4, 2018 02:16
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The high master Liao-Takisu returned from a long voyage, only to find his monastery in turmoil. One of the other masters had allowed several acolytes to remain, after they had pledged to submit themselves for defrocking if the shogunate fell to their hated enemy, which had taken place. "Master," they said, "we have already served penance by giving away what we own. Please, do not send us away." "I will let you remain," the master said, "provided you answer me one question: do you own yourselves?"
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Nov 4, 2018 03:51
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A novice seeking wisdom approached an old master renowned for his inability to suffer. "Please, I come seeking wisdom. Is there some koan you wish your novices to ponder?" The master shrugged and admitted he was no master at all. "Sorry, friend. I am unable to help you." "More like oldkoanless," the novice muttered as he walked away.
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Nov 4, 2018 04:39
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Without his network connection, the Master turned to the student: "At times like these, it is wise to have parchment nearby; to transcribe an effortpost when the connection is restored, will make a man clever and wise".
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Nov 4, 2018 04:54
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A villager spoke to his people, asking kindness for a stranger who sought only to build a shelter for his animals. Several of the villagers, feeling sympathy for the stranger, opened their hearts and wallets to him so he might achieve his simple goal. They shouted down naysayers and conservatives among their village, insisting that theirs was a good deed and should not be slandered. It was only when the shelter was finished, however, that the villagers learned of the stranger's true nature. The villagers regretted aiding in the construction of such a dubious dog house.
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Nov 4, 2018 05:07
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A master, old and frail, resided on a hill. A student, seeking the master’s favor, took it upon himself to bring an offering of shrubs to adorn the master’s garden. As he carted his load up the hill, he came upon a young seductress napping by the side of the road. As he passed, two shrubs fell from the cart, awaking the woman in a moment. A passing master remarked, “Watch bush startle a loving whore” camgirl fangirl fucked around with this message at 05:18 on Nov 4, 2018 |
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Nov 4, 2018 05:14
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A novice, seeking wisdom in the wake of a great tragedy, traveled to seek wisdom from a venerable Zen master. "Master, how did this tragedy happen?" he asked. The master did not respond. "What can be done about this?" he asked. The master again did not speak. "Master," he asked, "how may we pay tribute to those lives who were lost as a result of this great sorrow?" At this, the master slowly drew forth a strange, foreign musical instrument, and began to play. Upon hearing the melody, the novice was enlightened.
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Nov 4, 2018 05:58
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A novice claimed that he had departed on the path of enlightenment. The master proposed a test. The novice was sent to the top of a mountain where he would find materials to repair his robe. But corrosive gases from the crater attacked his robes and dissolved them. Then the master proclaimed that he was to be banished from the area of the monastery inside the moat, known as the 'O'. Finally, the master told him that the path to enlightenment required a long meditation, but the novice was forced to break his trance because he needed to pee. The novice bore all this in good stead and continued on his path.
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Nov 4, 2018 07:23
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| # ? May 2, 2024 20:46 |
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'N*gger!' the student exclaimed, and was enlightened for six hours. However, the true path to nirvana eluded him until it was approved.
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Nov 4, 2018 07:47
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