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Chess is a game that has been played all around the country for over fifty years! Of course Black Yoinks One Bishop knows chess (or "aubergine" to the French) inside and out, and the members of our subforum have plenty of tricks up their sleeveless backless evening gowns. Like... -Icarus defense: when opponent declares check with a queen and a rook, 'teleport' your king out the nearest window with a mouthed sound effect. -The Weevil's Charge: when opponent's pawn promotes, throw a matchbox full of bugs in their face and scream "No!" -Knightriders: with queen's knight in front of King's pawn, glue the pawn to the knight and make horsey noises as it gallups towards the enemy king, scattering pieces in its way. -Lowtax's Gambit: assault a senator and get banned from Twitter. |
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Nov 29, 2018 04:28
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| # ? May 3, 2024 19:21 |
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knight to b8 |
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Nov 29, 2018 04:53
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a good chess stratagem is to trick your opponent into forfeiting for example, show them a rebus with a picture of an eye, the number four, and some feet, and have them say it out loud
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Nov 29, 2018 04:55
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TVsVeryOwn posted:knight to b8 knife to m8 u |
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Nov 29, 2018 04:56
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before i make a move, i like to give the piece a little kiss and tell it to try its best
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Nov 29, 2018 05:42
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If you can find the manufacturer information on your current game's set, "mercenary pawns" can be ordered online. This tactic requires stalling for, at the quickest, overnight shipping, then legerdemain to populate the board with Hessian reinforcements. |
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Nov 29, 2018 06:01
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Protip: turn the board vertical causing all the pieces to scatter, then take your king and make it slide down the vertical board and when it bounces off the table and onto the floor say to your opponent "pretty sneaky sis" |
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Nov 29, 2018 07:47
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it's called a checkmate because if you care enough about winning you're supposed to write a check to the mate you're playing with and then they'll allow you to win in exchange for a nominal fee
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Nov 29, 2018 08:03
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Castling: This is the chess version of the "castle doctrine." It means you can use force to remove any opposing pieces that threaten your King. |
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Nov 29, 2018 18:43
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https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Nov 29, 2018 20:32
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Regicide- smuggle a ball-peen hammer into the game and smack it against your opponent's hand whenever they reach for their king or queen. |
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Nov 29, 2018 20:36
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friend: but . . . you can't move a pawn three spaces diagonally like that me: house rules [later] friend: wait a second, how are you allowed to put your pieces back on the board? me: house rules [still later] friend: haha, checkm-- me: [shakes head]
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Nov 29, 2018 22:15
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TVsVeryOwn posted:knight to b8 my fav move is moving the Master (an antiquated term for the bishop but i like it) to b8 |
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Nov 30, 2018 00:00
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Manifisto posted:knife to m8 u |
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Nov 30, 2018 00:25
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some of my favorite moves 1) the leave-your-hand-on-the-pawn-while-second-guessing-this-move 2) the try-not-to-make-eye-contact-force-casual-pose-hoping-he-wont-notice-your-bishop-is-wide-open 3) the oh-gently caress-he-noticed-rub-your-palm-down-your-face 4) the putting-your-opponents-captured-pieces-in-your-mouth-when-hes-not-looking 5) the denying-you-have-anything-in-your-mouth 6) the strained-swallow-just-to-prove-it |
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Nov 30, 2018 03:07
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So what's the over under on shouting "Oh my, what's that thing behind you" at your opponent and then while their back is turned you swap out all your chess pieces for checkers pieces as a strategy |
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Nov 30, 2018 03:28
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Appomatix Joe's Fantastic Plants Magazine: only ever move Queen's knight from and back to starting position. With the rest of your clock time, pour jugs of whole milk into a densely populated thousand gallon salt-water aquarium while mouthing your phone number silently at your opponent and shaking your head menacingly. |
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Nov 30, 2018 03:37
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remember that any noble or clerical piece can be protected from pawns by invoking their respective legal privileges |
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Nov 30, 2018 10:27
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You can learn a lot of good strategies from how kids play. For example: if you spit on your opponent's pieces you call "dibs" and your opponent is not allowed to move them anymore. |
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Nov 30, 2018 10:56
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The Seperation of Church and State: accuse your opponent's bishops of political activism and have them stripped of their 501(c)(3) status as a charitable organization and then flick them off the board and then when your opponent is all like "what the hell" put on an old timey judges wig and shout "order in the court!" and smash all their pieces with a gavel |
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Nov 30, 2018 14:44
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The Iranian- an alternate load-out: one king, 31 bishops. |
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Nov 30, 2018 15:33
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Power to the people i shout as i place 16 pawns on my side of the board |
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Nov 30, 2018 16:29
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The Lambert Manuevre: Your fatass cat Lambert sprawls out all over the board, knocking over your opponents pieces
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Nov 30, 2018 16:39
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FutonForensic posted:The Lambert Manuevre: Your fatass cat Lambert sprawls out all over the board, knocking over your opponents pieces sorry, could you post a visual guide?? im having a hard time visualizing this |
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Nov 30, 2018 16:49
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Gary's Defense: build a wall of Legos across the board. To save time, try and entomb a few of the worker pawns in it. |
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Nov 30, 2018 16:55
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Nosfereefer posted:remember that any noble or clerical piece can be protected from pawns by invoking their respective legal privileges HappyKitty posted:The Seperation of Church and State: accuse your opponent's bishops of political activism and have them stripped of their 501(c)(3) status as a charitable organization and then flick them off the board and then when your opponent is all like "what the hell" put on an old timey judges wig and shout "order in the court!" and smash all their pieces with a gavel this is why my custom chess rig includes a couple of lawyers (or "barristers" in old-timey chess speak) barristers can only actually move sideways, but their power lies in convincingly arguing that they have made progress
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Nov 30, 2018 17:05
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Put a Type-R decal on the board and play as fast as you can and go "NYYYOOOOOOOOOM" every time you move a piece |
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Nov 30, 2018 17:09
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Rookie Monster: messily eat all captured pieces. |
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Nov 30, 2018 17:16
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protip: remind the opposing bishops about the pope's support of your king in an attempt to override their feudal obligations through the doctrine of papal supremacy. bonus points if they are commanding significant amount of pawns
Nosfereefer fucked around with this message at 20:02 on Nov 30, 2018 |
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Nov 30, 2018 19:59
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if you are facing a check mate, simply declare "le roi est mort, vive le roi!" and keep playing with your new king |
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Nov 30, 2018 20:05
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if the game is going badly, consider asking you liege for aid. as his subject, you are owed his protection, and the emperor piece is loving sweet |
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Nov 30, 2018 20:14
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HappyKitty posted:The Seperation of Church and State: accuse your opponent's bishops of political activism and have them stripped of their 501(c)(3) status as a charitable organization and then flick them off the board and then when your opponent is all like "what the hell" put on an old timey judges wig and shout "order in the court!" and smash all their pieces with a gavel
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Nov 30, 2018 20:45
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as an aspiring Chessman, i am learning a lot from this thread. i am wondering if anyone here has successfully pulled off the out of bounds glitch. it isn't super useful, at least right now because i have only seen it done with the knight. you just need to line up 3 pieces at the right of left edge of the board then try to move your knight in to them. he won't have a good place to land so he falls right outside the board. make sure your table is big enough to handle this, or the knight will fall right of the edge. |
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Nov 30, 2018 20:48
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artoke posted:as an aspiring Chessman, i am learning a lot from this thread. This is similar to the wraparound move, which is only available to the knight. The move begins in a square adjacent to the edge of the board, and wraps around to the opposite side of the board. |
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Nov 30, 2018 21:15
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Distract your opponent with promises of a powerful new strategy: Distract your opponent with promises of a powerful new strategy: Distract your opponent with promises of a powerful new strategy... |
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Nov 30, 2018 21:45
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i always get confused, do pawns do 1d6 or 1d8 damage? |
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Nov 30, 2018 21:54
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simply cease, for it is only the desire to best your fellow man that has driven you to this place. accept that this, like all other struggles, is a meaningless fight for a fleeting price. you will only win in a true sense, by transcending the boundaries of this game and making peace with the truth that the material world is only a passing distraction |
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Nov 30, 2018 21:54
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chess but with hp lol |
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Nov 30, 2018 21:57
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Nosfereefer posted:simply cease, for it is only the desire to best your fellow man that has driven you to this place. accept that this, like all other struggles, is a meaningless fight for a fleeting price. player: checkmate! buddha: you win player [eyes narrowing]: gently caress you buddha: you win player: thank you! buddha: you win player [eyes narrow again]
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Nov 30, 2018 22:10
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| # ? May 3, 2024 19:21 |
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the rather common petit-borgoise activity known in england as "chess", provides a rather illuminating case study into the structure of capitalist social economy. for instance, take the very lay-out of the board. it is divided into a neat, symmetrical space, in which the various "pieces" (or should i say, social classes?) are permitted to move. in this socio-economical space, there is a theoretical ability for each piece to be placed. this, in practice, is not the case. the working classes (as in all-too-familiar borgoise parlour are referred to as 'pawns') are only able to move in a more-or-less set pattern defined from their starting position. the small adjustments they have at their disposal are completely circumstantial. the overarching narrative they are fed, is that one day they will join the highest echelons themselves, but the sad reality lies only in a quick head start and/or a military career. but to move on, we also have the more well-off denizens of this 'board'. take the clergyman, a rather diminished, but still socially powerful role in our industrialized society. what freedom do they possess with all their financial and social capital? more, of course, than the lowly pawn, but - still - he is chained to the same basic rules of movement. for you see, while the pawn has his own dregdeful pre-determined path, the clergyman as well is stuck in - what on the surface appears to be very different, but in a fundamental way the same - a set trajectory. the 'towers', or the shopkeepers, the sought-after goldsmiths and clockmakers, and so on, are in this same functionally similar to the clergymen. they lack the socio-financial capital of their class-superiors in the true capitalist class, while still maintaining pretensions of their cultural values. this is what separates them from their petit-borgoise cousins in the clergy, as they strive to achieve success within a class-value-system they by definition are not part of. thus they move in a similar way as the pawns, only much quicker and then we of course have the nouveau riche capitalists, part of the borgoise by financial capital, excluded by cultural. they resent both their former colleges, as well as those whom they aspire to be peers. this fundamental conflict makes them erratic, prone to go back and forth in their class allegiances. but at the the very top of this 'game' we find the true core of the socio-economical-political pyramid; the functional aristocracy of wealth and power. tellingly the "king and queen" of this charade, the dualistic representation of hegemony of the capitalist society, are a paradoxical justification of it's own rule. you see, while the capitalist system represents itself as an unopposable "sol-invictus"-like persona of the 'queen', it still relies on the belief of it's in inherent fragility and, most importantly, irreplacability. |
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Nov 30, 2018 22:39
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