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"Clean sheets? Clean towels? Subservience to the Dark Lord?" the maid called sweetly from outside my door. She wasn't fooling ME. I already hung out the "Do Not Disturb" sign 
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Jan 2, 2019 20:09
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| # ¿ May 17, 2024 21:44 |
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One room to house them all One room assigned them One room to bring them all And with a deposit bind them In the hotel where the shadows lie https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Jan 2, 2019 20:23
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Motel 6- we'll light the watchfires of Gondor for you
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Jan 2, 2019 20:55
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"You have my sword! And my bow! And my axe!" they said to me, from the hallway. All I wanted was an ice bucket and some ice... |
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Jan 2, 2019 20:58
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"The Maitre'd was named Tom Bombadil, he was a friendly enough sort but the guy broke into song as he explained every nuance of my lodgings. I was sort of put out... there were wild animals running about, as well; they appeared to be the wait staff. I would not recommend if you have pet allergies. Goldberry was lovely, as always." -Yelp review, Tom & Goldberry's Airbnb |
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Jan 2, 2019 21:02
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After a restful night of sleep the hotel patron stood in front of the front desk. "May I help you?" asked the hotel clerk. "Yes, I'd like to check out, please." he said, handing her his room access card. 'And now at last it comes. You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger than the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!' "Yeah. Whatever. Just check me out of the room and I'll be going, ok?" |
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Jan 3, 2019 12:38
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| # ¿ May 17, 2024 21:44 |
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Hotel Clerk: Welcome to the Last Homely House, my name is Elrond how may I help you? Customer: Hi, i'm here for the Johnson funeral? Voices suddenly singing: Johnson, oh Johnson, he fell in Moria Here's to 'ol Johnson, we never did know ya! Johnson, OH! Johnson, one thing we must make clear- Your funeral won't be as good as the one for Mithrandir! Customer: Um... Elrond: Those are Elves, and they are singing a lament for the passing of your loved one. Customer: O.K., uh- yeah. Whatever. Listen, we were hoping to see the World's Largest Ball of Earwax while we were here, could you show us how to get there? We have this map... Elrond: **looks over map** Ah! Yes! These are moon letters, see? ** points out a picture of a naked man, his buttocks pried apart with his own hands, a wedding ring is clearly visible on his left ring finger** Customer: Eeewwww, that's disgusting! Galadriel: He who has SEEN the EYE! |
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Jan 4, 2019 14:54
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