Recipes for sad people

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Manifisto

[rooting in the back of the spice drawer] dukkah? the gently caress is dukkah?

[one google later] oh yeah, that african spice thing

from when I was planning that trip to go see the pyramids

right before the aliens landed and told us they were billboards for venusian prostitutes

[sigh]

[sprinkles some dukkah on bowl of 10-cent ramen noodles] hey, not bad

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Jan 27, 2019 20:25

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# ¿ May 22, 2024 16:53

Manifisto

any recipe whose first and main ingredient is carob

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Jan 28, 2019 15:21

Manifisto

hamjobs posted:

Jello powder from the box washed down with a glass of water

uh do you then have to stand in the fridge so the jello sets?

also stay safe hamjobs

# ¿ Jan 28, 2019 22:03

Manifisto

a meal in which everything is past its expiration date

you could have added in some goldfish crackers which are still technically good, but you don't deserve unspoiled food

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Feb 5, 2019 18:30

Manifisto

new zealander: thats not a knoife

# ¿ Feb 5, 2019 21:53

Manifisto

the latter image, by the way, is not from amazon, despite the logo. it's from alibaba, and sadly the minimum order is 300 pieces.

fortunately they also carry something in lower quantities:

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 02:41

Manifisto

twoday posted:

I knew it would exist before I clicked search

"most popular spoon in the house"

the phone rings and I feel a momentary surge of validation. "sorry, it's for the spoon again," says my roommate apologetically.

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 02:53

Manifisto

the bouncer nods at my date. "you can go in," he says. "and you," he tells the pomegranate spoon cradled lovingly in her arms. I start to follow and he lays a hand on my shoulder, shaking his head.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 02:56

Manifisto

beyonc� and jay-z have just followed the spoon's twitter. I'm the one who introduced them and I don't even get a loving like.

# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 02:59

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# ¿ May 22, 2024 16:53

Manifisto

twoday posted:

Review 1:

I'm a bartender at an artisinal cocktail bar and this was exactly what I've been looking for, would recommend

5 stars

Review 2:

Zest. The zest of life. The zest of a lime. I remember when my life had some zest. When I bought this William Sonoma fruit tool set I used to feel excited by fruit. I used to always say, "eating a new fruit for the first time is one of the greatest joys a person can experience." And I did. I chased that dragonfruit, I felt that passion fruit. It was a succulent delight the first time I bit into a custard apple, I was in a state of indescribable extasy. I had no idea fruit could make you feel that way. So I started digging around on Wikipedia, watching YouTube videos about fruits I never saw before. I started going to the various foreign markets in town, trying whatever they had. One day it was a lychee, the next a durian.

But it was never the same the second time. The joy, the zest, the mystery was gone. I needed the novelty of new fruits. I started going to fruitlover conventions. Fruitorama 2013, and 2014. I bought this set of fruit tools so that I would be taken seriously by the other fruities. A man at the fruit convention whispers that he has something sweet in the back room and you follow him and offers you a bag of rambutons, you need to look like you know what you're doing. And I did. But they took me so seriously that I became one of them. By Fruitorama 2015 I had my own stand, selling mangosteen. Spent my weekends at the docks, making shady deals with workers on ships from the tropics. Spent my evenings looking up leads for new fruits on the dark web. I had a hunger... A hunger for fruit. My wife left me, saying I didn't pay enough attention to her. I told her, "Can your kiss ever taste like a Logan fruit? Our love used to be as sweet as a Guatemalan dwarf pineapple, but it's become as astringent as an unripe pepino." and then she was gone.

With her out of the picture I had more time for fruit. Soon I found myself booking tickets to Papua New Guinea and the Congo, digging through the scraps left behind by the market at night, traveling days in a riverboat to get to remote villages where they were said to have jaboticaba, and horned melon. I've eaten pittayas so crunchy that I chipped a tooth. I've seen carombolas so waxy you would think I ran them through a car wash. And the William Sonama fruit tool set was with me through it all.

And then one day it was over. I frantically turned the pages back and forth at the library of the botanical garden looking for the next big score, but there was none. I had tried them all. And what was the result? I had given up my family for this. I had sold my house, my car. My taste buds were shot, I had to eat a whole bowl of kiwi rinds just to feel a tingle. I had nothing. Nothing but my William Sonoma fruit tool set. And that was the day my life ended. Since then I walk through this world like I'm already in the next, and I can't even look at a fruit salad without crying.

Also the second Zester with the five small holes doesn't really work so well and the handles could be more ergonomic.

1 star

lol

ty nesamdoom!

# ¿ Feb 6, 2019 15:48

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Recipes for sad people