(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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I've been considering trying online dating but the act of filling out a form explaining why you should hang out with me is like pulling teeth
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Jan 30, 2024 23:00
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Getting mental help is impossible. I finally lucked into getting a good therapist, but they mostly say that I can't really make progress until I get my medication sorted. I've been on mostly the same medications for around 20 years, and every time I tell someone what they are, they're confused why I was prescribed them for depression/anxiety. Great, so all I need is a psychiatrist appointment, right? Not so fast! - Around a year ago, more or less, I called a bunch of places. No one had an opening within three months, so I gave up. - No place I call now will even answer my call, and if I leave a voicemail, they don't call me back. - I finally got through to one place. They're a new practice and they said they shouldn't have been on the insurance website list yet because they're not officially open. I talked to the guy running it and he said he was going to see what he could do for me. After weeks of message tag with them, they finally said they won't have anything for a month or more from now, but they're having trouble setting up insurance so they can't even give me a definitive date or put me on the books so I have something to look forward to this year. - I called the local crisis hotline. There's just an automated message saying all their agents are busy, and then it hangs up. - I tried the Suicide Crisis Hotline, even though I'm not suicidal. All they do is go on to my insurance company's website and read me a list of psychiatrists in my area that take my insurance, even if I tell them I've tried this. Managed Medicaid plans suck and I don't have the money to pay out of pocket. This mirrors my job search, where I get nowhere, or go through weeks of an interview process with companies I have to chase down to get a response from until finally I get rejected. It's discouraging as hell and makes me believe no one in the world even wants to help anyone else.
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Feb 3, 2024 17:18
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I've been listening to a couple of Buddhist podcasts and I've found their insights to be somewhat calming and enlightening. While they're not a sure-fire solution to my mental health problems, they have given me some more perspective regarding my anxieties.
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Feb 4, 2024 20:35
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Going to ask the doc to switch to vynase instead of adderal since its amping me up way too hard and not in a form of usable energy. Also ask about legal ketamine usage to treat depression because I'm open to a lot of options if something will deal with these awful sad brain goblins.
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Feb 5, 2024 07:30
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do any of y’all ever get nightmares so bad and consistent that it keeps you up? it fuckin sucks . don’t like it one bit
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Feb 5, 2024 10:01
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802.11weed posted:do any of y’all ever get nightmares so bad and consistent that it keeps you up? it fuckin sucks . don’t like it one bit I have night terrors almost every night. I’m not sure how long it’s been going on but I haven’t slept well in years.
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Feb 5, 2024 15:47
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802.11weed posted:do any of y’all ever get nightmares so bad and consistent that it keeps you up? it fuckin sucks . don’t like it one bit Sleep has been tough for me as of late - a lot of experiences I had in Afghanistan are creeping up on me, especially now that I'm older and trying to figure out what life's about. It's been tricky trying to communicate this to my Son who has noticed a change in the way I move throughout the day.
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Feb 5, 2024 16:49
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802.11weed posted:do any of y’all ever get nightmares so bad and consistent that it keeps you up? it fuckin sucks . don’t like it one bit Josherino posted:Sleep has been tough for me as of late - a lot of experiences I had in Afghanistan are creeping up on me, especially now that I'm older and trying to figure out what life's about. It's been tricky trying to communicate this to my Son who has noticed a change in the way I move throughout the day. I used to get nightmares almost nightly, for the same reason as Josherino. two things helped, EMDR and figuring out I have sleep apnea. there was a reason a lot of my dreams ended with me getting choked out
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Feb 5, 2024 18:49
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where the hell am i going to find a psychiatrist?
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Feb 6, 2024 01:29
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let alone an anger management program that's Now Enrolling
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Feb 6, 2024 01:30
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Psychology Today and don't be afraid to do online if you have no better option E: if you get someone you don't like they can probably put you on the path to find someone better
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Feb 6, 2024 01:39
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Feb 6, 2024 02:27
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Wish I could finally date after 30 years of life doing nothing. Not religious so church is out, dating sites throw me gals I'm not interested in (several states away) and those that I am I simply don't seem able to get interested in me. Are there other places to try? Bars, sports or something else? Are there any good volunteer sites I could look around? Even if I couldn't find someone at least having a connection to where I live besides existing there would make me feel less like just meat waiting to turn into dirt.
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Feb 6, 2024 05:56
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If you like animals and can deal with some gross/sad poo poo, volunteering at an animal shelter might be an idea. There's often a big pool of volunteers, and lots of women 20s-30s who are dying for a guy who can demonstrate some kind of desire to care or nurture.
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Feb 6, 2024 06:21
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Lonely lonely lonely
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Feb 6, 2024 19:24
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No. 6 posted:Lonely lonely lonely Is this about lacking social interaction in general or deeper friendships/romantic relationships because the first one is easier to fix at least I've been thinking of putting together an online dating profile and torn between "this makes me sound like a tedious nerd" and "that is basically correct though"
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Feb 6, 2024 23:43
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Plenty of people out there like tedious nerds. Just jump in, it only gets easier.
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Feb 7, 2024 00:46
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Dating apps are the same as everything else, in that the correct approach is 
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Feb 7, 2024 04:28
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"lets go all the way to Mother with Everything for As Long As Possible" -4 years and counting
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Feb 8, 2024 01:25
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Ugh cool woke up at 5am feeling terrible for no reason. I'd been doing a good job keeping a lid on health anxiety recently but I just heard about an acquaintance whose brother died randomly and so the "it could happen to you!" part of my brain won't let me calm down. Ive almost made it between routine checkups without freaking out about health, but if this doesn't chill out I might go to urgent care or move up my checkup appointment
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Feb 8, 2024 11:27
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Got vynase generic prescribed. Found out its still $200 a month AFTER poor people discount  . I told the doc i'm just cutting back on adderal to once or twice a week because my resting bpm is 90-115. It utterly sucks to be exhausted with a racing heart that won't stop.Also therapist things we're making no progress and is genuinely flustered I won't consider getting back into the workforce even after telling her I'd self harm if I ever had to report to a boss or customer ever again. By the time an employer is accommodating my needs I am staying home and they are direct depositing money into my account for no expectation of good or services or even sham performance thereof. Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 19:52 on Feb 8, 2024 |
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Feb 8, 2024 19:45
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It's great how I'm feeling seriously anxious depressed and tired for like two days plus, then I have 1.5 beers with some friends and start happily hollering about le Carre novels
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Feb 9, 2024 03:13
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i often describe my brain as stuck in neutral with the gas slammed to the floor, doing 8000rpm but going nowhere. 1-3 drinks helps stops that, but I don't want to get too reliant on it either.
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Feb 9, 2024 10:27
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Malt does more than Milton can/ To justify God's ways to man But yeah in that case I think just being around people was what really makes the difference, the beer just smooths out the initial social anxiety
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Feb 9, 2024 16:07
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StashAugustine posted:Is this about lacking social interaction in general or deeper friendships/romantic relationships because the first one is easier to fix at least A bit of both honestly. I've been trying a build up a social circle, going to MeetUps and random stuff. Not making any friends but it's still nice to talk to other people in person not about work. Romantic loneliness feels worse, enduring... Not sure the answer there. Apps were not working for me here. Tried speed dating enough that I'm almost a regular. So I'm making efforts but some days are just overwhelming and feel pointless/hopeless. Trying hard to fight that.
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Feb 10, 2024 01:14
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Ronwayne posted:i often describe my brain as stuck in neutral with the gas slammed to the floor, doing 8000rpm but going nowhere. 1-3 drinks helps stops that, but I don't want to get too reliant on it either. Alcohol to me is a social lubricant - it attracts and traps grit and makes the whole operation work slower and worse.
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Feb 10, 2024 01:45
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goop keyboard.jpg but its one's neurotransmitters.
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Feb 10, 2024 02:08
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The power dynamics between job recruiters and applicants annoy me so much. As an applicant you're communicated in a timely manner whereas recruiters can ghost you for days on end. I had my interview a couple weeks ago and it went relatively well surprisingly so they invited me to a second one. The second one was at the end of January and they said they'd get back to me within a week, but it's now been two weeks and still no response (of course I could still just be overthinking things and maybe they're still deliberating). I've accepted the possibility now that I got rejected but I wish they would at least notify me instead of potentially ghosting me, it would save me hours of constant anxiety. I'm probably gonna send them a follow-up today if I don't hear anything, just in case.
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Feb 12, 2024 20:05
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Yeah job hunting sucks big time, like even when you know it's bullshit it's hard to not let it get to you. Hope you get lucky soon
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Feb 12, 2024 20:17
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Is Polar grapefruit seltzer a concern if you're on a medication that has bad interactions with grapefruit? No matter what search terms I throw at the Internet I just keep getting warnings not to drink grapefruit juice.
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Feb 12, 2024 20:36
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Halloween Jack posted:Is Polar grapefruit seltzer a concern if you're on a medication that has bad interactions with grapefruit? No matter what search terms I throw at the Internet I just keep getting warnings not to drink grapefruit juice. I was curious enough to go looking myself, and basically got the same "no grapefruit juice" results. On my third run at it, i got it straight from the polar bear's mouth. Polar says "If your doctor has recommended that you avoid consuming grapefruit please avoid any Polar beverages made with grapefruit, including Polar Seltzer." I would have bet the opposite based on it being calorie free, but apparently the natural fruit flavor they use contains the offending enzymes. https://polarbeverages.com/faq/#:~:text=Grapefruit%20and%20certain%20medications%3F,with%20grapefruit%2C%20including%20Polar%20Seltzer polar does use some not great source water with PFAS in it and other stuff, like triple what some other companies test at, but they can pry my orange vanilla seltzer from my cold, new england hands
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Feb 12, 2024 20:47
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I'm losing my previous insurance for obnoxious, Eric Adams related reasons, and the best deal I can find for new insurance will double my entire annual expenses. Not double my premiums, not double my healthcare costs, double all of my expenses. Fully 50% of my budget for the forseeable future is going to be medical expenses. And not like, surgeries and medication, by traditional measures I'm very healthy, just "having insurance" and copays for therapy are going to cost more than food, rent, transportation, debt, and luxuries combined.StashAugustine posted:Yeah job hunting sucks big time, like even when you know it's bullshit it's hard to not let it get to you. Hope you get lucky soon I worked on the recruiting side and its just absolute loving bullshit. Not limiting this to the fact that its generally bullshit but that like, what is happening behind the scenes is complete and devastating chaos. I've seen times where they interviewed 12 candidates, all 12 candidates were perfectly acceptable, and because two managers involved in the hiring cycle got mad at each other, all 12 got rejected and the hiring had to start over again.
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Feb 12, 2024 22:27
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Tulip posted:
Lol yeah, my company can't hire for poo poo because the HR people are fuckin garbage so we're chronically understaffed. I don't even think it's cynical or ideological, they're just in no hurry because they don't care if production goes down. Also man I had 2 beers last night watching the super bowl and then woke up with massive chills at 4am, so I'm just crashing all day at work. I had a great time watching at the bar with some friends, felt pretty great the whole time, and then as soon as I get back I could feel the tension and anxiety creeping back. Which is a little helpful for identifying that the post facto social anxiety isn't actually based in anything but just me getting wound up for no reason, but man it's frustrating to deal with
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Feb 12, 2024 22:32
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skooma512 posted:Alcohol to me is a social lubricant - it attracts and traps grit and makes the whole operation work slower and worse. The one good thing about my relationship with alcohol is that it's never been good for me socially. I was smart enough to quickly recognize a bad pattern in college. When I drank in social settings in college, it always went like the following: 1. Feel kinda good and talkative for, at most, an hour or so 2. Feel super depressed as reality comes crashing down and I realize that the alcohol was just fooling me into thinking people weren't ambivalent about my company This lead to me quitting drinking entirely until around 3 years ago, where I gradually got into a habit of drinking daily to help relax in the evenings (which I quit 3 weeks ago, as of tomorrow). Eat This Glob posted:polar does use some not great source water with PFAS in it and other stuff, like triple what some other companies test at, but they can pry my orange vanilla seltzer from my cold, new england hands I've been drinking these Spindrift seltzers a lot lately. You can really taste the difference with them using actual juice (which means it has some calories, but still not many - at most it's like 15 calories a can for stuff like the Pineapple flavor, with others ranging between 5-15). It's kind of amazing/impressive that they manage to make these things not just taste like "watered down ____ juice"; like they use the perfect minimal amount of pineapple (or whatever) juice to make it actually taste like mellow pineapple juice instead of watered-down pineapple juice. Do any other brands also use actual fruit/juice? I haven't tried Polar yet. Tulip posted:I worked on the recruiting side and its just absolute loving bullshit. Not limiting this to the fact that its generally bullshit but that like, what is happening behind the scenes is complete and devastating chaos. I've seen times where they interviewed 12 candidates, all 12 candidates were perfectly acceptable, and because two managers involved in the hiring cycle got mad at each other, all 12 got rejected and the hiring had to start over again. I imagine there are a lot of situations where they already know who they want to hire but are required to make the posting public. That happened when we were trying to hire someone recently (one of the guys in Kenya who has been doing contract work with us is finally getting hired full-time and moving over here, which is cool). The guy in question has already been doing the job we're hiring him for - it's just transitioning into a "full" position. Since we're a state university, the posting had to be made public for a certain interval of time. It sucks rear end, because it's just wasting the time of the other applicants. Ytlaya has issued a correction as of 22:37 on Feb 12, 2024 |
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Feb 12, 2024 22:32
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Been putting out job applications in preparation for a move. Nothing so far, got my first rejection after a business day. I got an MS Azure certification, the brainworms told me it was futile to try, I posted them ITT in the summer, because I'd never be able to get a job with it because I don't already have a job with it and so far, the worms are right. The last thing I as someone with ADD needs is actual proof that hard work and achievement is pointless because nobody cares and nothing I can do will open any doors because they are all forever shut. There's a couple more certs I could do, but again, all I will able to think about is how it's just a waste of time and that the same result will occur whether I study for and pass this exam or if I had smoked weed and played Oxygen Not Included. Like, it just gets harder to delay gratification all the time, because I genuinely don't believe the reward will be there at the end. The last time I undertook a long term effort and it actually resulted in something other than opportunity costs calculations and impotent rage was college. The last time I got a certification was another case of "Nobody cares, this doesn't count for anything" and I may as well have never have done it. This flows downstream to "Nothing is worth doing". The marshmallow experiment plays out very different if the researchers confiscate the marshmallow or renege on their promise to provide the reward marshmallow afterward.
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Feb 13, 2024 00:51
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StashAugustine posted:Lol yeah, my company can't hire for poo poo because the HR people are fuckin garbage so we're chronically understaffed. I don't even think it's cynical or ideological, they're just in no hurry because they don't care if production goes down. Ya lol. The most basic kind of bureaucratic failure: placing the power to do something in the hands of people who aren't responsible for any of its consequences. Ytlaya posted:
This is so common in some fields that it isn't even hidden. Obviously its going to vary considerably by field - if a company is small enough that they're doing this level of micro for janitors, they aren't beholden to any reason to do open applications, so its not happening so much with that kind of job, so a company is either going to just do open hiring sincerely because that's the least effort or they're just going to hire their friend because there's no reason not to. Academia and non profits however often craft the position before its opened around the specific person they want to hire, and for compliance reasons they'll hold an open audition but its usually obvious, sometimes explicit, that it's all theatrics and Mr. X was always-already the person who was gonna get hired.
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Feb 13, 2024 01:23
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Post-schizophrenia, public diary 1: I remember working my city job, cruising around downtown in a Sprinter van and being completely terrified by the homeless around me experiencing the same things I did; there but for the grace of god go I, rambling into the ether, talking to people that aren't there, suffering grand states of delusion, lost, entranced, entrenched in their own little worlds. I spoke to some of them. "There's no way you're schizo." "poo poo, man, god bless, it's hard. This all loving sucks out here." When I first started experiencing symptoms, it was truly unsettling and terrifying. Your brain will do anything it can to escape the torture of it, grasping for answers wherever you can find them in all five stages of grief. First a Denial: no, I'm not sick, this is something terrible that befell me. I simply must get to the bottom of this. Anger: No loving way. I'm not sick. gently caress this poo poo, CLEARLY the goddamn government uses a pre-war AI that lives in the airwaves found me by accident because I tripped ECHELON by some awful trick of my compounded existence. Clearly I am not to blame. Bargaining: Okay, now that I've happened on the above suuuuuper universal truth, I say as I corncob into a nightmare state of paranoia exacerbated by the times and how people interact with media and each other, I'll just work with it until I figure out a solution to the situation that befell me, and I'll grow stronger for it. Depression: This ever-changing and ever-adapting landscape of my delusions is really hurting me; I can't seem to escape it. I can't get out of bed. Everything is compounding, and no matter where I turn or what I turn to, there's rejection, fear, and the looming hoary specter of eternal suffering and the distance I'm falling. What's worse is that with no solution, and no therapy or help, I'm picking up more and more bad habits. Acceptance: Wow, I'm in loving bad shape. What the gently caress happened? I have to get back up, even if I have *gulp* permanent damage, I know the body and mind can unlearn bad habits just as hard as they learned them. Like the turtle on its back, you flail around for all explanations and remedy, stuck in a permanent-feeling cycle of falling, failing, and then in your vulnerable state validating your secret, dreadful, internalized narrative by angel-numbers-ing through life. Everything in the news seems to point to your One Horrible Path that you've carved out, and because nobody writes a manual or managed to survive the experience, you end up dying over and over to this awful Gotcha! feeling of the paranoia that creeps in over your thresholds in a poorly-tuned but pervasive Bad Stoichiometry of self-exploiting misunderstanding and that horrid Sink into the comforts of inevitability and despair that you feel on Can't Get Out of Bed depression days. Your internal monologue becomes Voices In Your Head; you forget your beautiful voice and perfectly normal responses to things to a sense of being invaded by Another, or an Otherness. You become easily distractible by anything that validates what you have come to Know, and you've forgotten oh so much of yourself. It takes sincere effort suddenly to cling to the you that you know, and your natural ebbs and flows become terrifyingly lost to this new feeling of being torn apart. Even your body feels possessed as you start attributing your old and new quirks to, and becoming the disorder; before you know it you're stuck in a multiple personality, uncertain hell. Your body's hormonal secretions start to gently caress you up because you internally lost sight of the normal processes that regulate YOU, not just your body. You become afraid of endorphins. You sink further into grief, which only starts to potentiate itself. It's then that all your mental illnesses start to really burn you up and compound; time-kneaded feedback loops of pain and suffering start playing the most significant role in your life, and you continue to wither as you shut down all over yourself. In my case, because this was happening during COVID, you just succumb to your latent isolation, stop going out, give up on your basic responsibilities in life, lose your apartment, and forget your friends and family for this new hell that you're trapped in, day-in-day-out. There's no escape. There's no rope out of the chasm. Later it turns out that nobody tricked you to be here, and you've developed this horrible instinct to stay with it, because it gave you comfort in uncertainty. With only yourself to blame, there's no enemy to slay, and you're a ghost, forever falling back to, and chasing yourself through a maze of your own unconscious design, constructed and trapped by the sum total of your life's experiences and the human brain's amazing natural ability to rationalize and construct as it forges onward through shot and storm, firing HARD on whatever it is it's fed, as always. But you fight. YOU GET UP. gently caress YOU, REALITY. I DO NOT ACCEPT THESE CRUEL CARDS SO DEALT. WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP. YOU HAVE TO LIVE. YOU ARE DOWN TO THIS EDGE, AND THERE'S NO TURNING BACK. GLORIA GAYNOR HELP ME I WILL SURVIVE. THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO STILL LOVE YOU, AND YOUR HARD SUPERDENSE rear end REMEMBERS ALL THE WAY BACK TO YOUR CHILDHOOD. YOU CAN DEFINITELY HAZARD A COUPLE OF loving GUESSES AS TO WHAT STICKS IN YOUR SPOKES BROKE YOU DOWN AND BROUGHT YOU HERE, AND YOU CAN FASHION A loving OAR TO GET YOURSELF ACROSS THIS STYX AND START AVOIDING AND WRITING OVER IT ALL. You are a modern man! EMPOWERED absurdly beyond anyone even the wildest dreams of a decade as recent as the 1980s! You can figure this poo poo out! It takes nothing to see through the same despairs and pitfalls that other people have endured! YOU WILL BUILD BETTER BACK, AND YOU WILL BEAT THIS poo poo. gently caress IT, there's nothing to lose and everything to gain! Slowly, you put down the broken pieces of presumption and paranoia you picked up and refashioned into cognitive comfort, instead accepting the hard truth; that these were sharp and dangerous things which you picked up the wrong way, and they are actively hurting you unless you let them go. You start to mend, the painful first steps of figuring out what to do with your damage merely the tip of the iceberg to your inevitable success. You start getting up every day and establishing routine where even you didn't have it before. You go outside and start walking. You start cooking again. You stop flinching every time something sensitive triggers you in every medium. You don't fall prey to your old ways, feeling better every time you notice something lovely gone, or a vast improvement you never had before. You start healing. You survive. You live. Things start minimizing, mitigating, and resolving. Even the relapses start to feel less painful, because you accept that nothing happens overnight, and slowly you become a better person and stronger for it. You reach back out and find not only therapy and medication, but meditation, community, old friendships, your fuzzy children, playing games with your old LAN party high school homies again who never left you. You reconnect with your family. You do things you've needed to do for a long time. You resolve old problems. You start mending things, and so do you mend the very same. You are more careful with yourself and your habits, because you caught a lucky break, and this is your moment; be stronger. Better. Harder, faster, even. This is it. You only get one shot.
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Feb 14, 2024 01:29
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Waffle House posted:CLEARLY the goddamn government uses a pre-war AI that lives in the airwaves found me by accident because I tripped ECHELON by some awful trick of my compounded existence. Clearly I am not to blame. lol but i'm nodding and lighting a torch
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Feb 14, 2024 02:16
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Jorge Bell posted:lol but i'm nodding and lighting a torch Trust me, having been there all week long, 24/7, all you're doing is missing some form of personal apotheosis for miles (whether God or otherwise) by letting yourself suffer the course and opportunity costs of dementia, paranoia, and conspiracy theories.
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Feb 14, 2024 03:31
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Just heard back from the recruiter finally. I didn't get the job, their response was that they "decided to move in another direction for this position" which could mean a bunch of things lol. I'm a little gutted that I have to continue the job search but at least there's finally closure.
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Feb 14, 2024 21:35
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