Consummate Professional posted:

I graduated from a therapy program this week and feel really good compared to a few months ago when I started.

up next for me: getting help for substance abuse

Consummate Professional posted:

thank you! I really figured out "oh I don't actually want to die and I know my drinking is both physically and mentally contributing to that" this time around.

I still have time to turn it around physically but this is the first time I've asked for help. I'm nervous and know it'll be a ton of big changes in a lot of aspects but I want it.

empty whippet box posted:

I'm so tired of the miserable nightmare my life has become. Brief moments of things being ok or being able to distract myself punctuated by gut punch after gut punch. I just want a few good days, I just want to feel secure or ok. I feel disgusting and fat and gross on top of it and I can't do anything about it. My button business died and hasn't gotten an order in months and I am a failure on every level possible and the only thing that stops me from killing myself is how much it would hurt my wife. I hate my life and I wish it were over and I don't want to do it all anymore. If our stimulus and tax return would just get here maybe we would be ok but it will very likely be multiple months before either does and when they do it'll just be a brief respite from abject poverty before it all bleeds away again. Posting this is probably dumb too and will probably get me in trouble somehow too but I am in the waiting room of the emergency vet for the thousandth time this month waiting to hear if my cat is going to die, again. AGAIN. Everything I was supposed to be in life, I'm not, every opportunity I ever had, I squandered and I don't think there's any hope of it ever getting better. I'm just a total failure on every conceivable level and I wish I was dead but I can't even be that because i have obligations to other people and my cats. I hate this, I hate myself , I wish I wasn't this pathetic sack if poo poo but I am

OB-GYN Kenobi posted:

Basically half my family. And the other half are oblivious to mental health issues. I have one sister who also had a mental health crisis, the one person who I feel safe talking to.

The half of my family who I feel are bullies, I've written off. I can't do it. It's not worth having them in my life right now because I'm barely able to take care of myself.

Adult bullies exist. They likely have childhood trauma of their own, which doesn't excuse their actions, but I'm coming to believe there are a lot of humans who don't understand how bad they are hosed up and living in the "matrix", a fantasy world built on bullshit.

samantonio posted:

Side story, I work with this really quiet 21 year old woman who has started looking up to me, and I've taken her in as a mentor as much as I can. She had a really rough childhood and doesn't have many friends and a really limited work career and I could sense when she started that she might be the type to get overwhelmed with the job (we work with some real knucklehead, uneducated types who say some real unprofessional poo poo occasionally, but more than anything are just unlearned about the world). Very sexist conversations, transphobe talk, toxic masculinity locker room chat, etc that I've enjoyed turning into almost therapy chats. The 21 year old is just coming into her own and is learning that she doesn't conform to the norms of society with gender and she has confided some of this in me because I'll listen and I'm open to her being whatever she wants to be even if she hasn't figured that out yet, she basically.said she feels like she was born the wrong gender and should be a man. I'm like, rock on! Be the best man you can be!

There's an older woman, retired, that we've lately enjoyed taking our breaks with, I think because both the 21 year old and I see that this older lady just sits by herself at breaks and doesn't really interact with anyone else and we don't like that. Well in a discussion about nothing of substance the other day and the older lady dropped something out of the blue like Joe Biden being a pedophile or something, and I had actually thought this older lady to be more socialist/progressive up to this point so I quickly tested the waters with a few innocuous questions that got her to just flat out say that she's a Trumper and libs are ruining the country and I was just floored with this because it caught me off guard and I was kinda laughing going, "oh no, haha come on, you really believe the government is full of pedos? You're not going to tell me that you follow Q, right?" To which she said yes, she's a Q believer. She just immediately went off the cliff that cancel culture is ruining everything and the libs are going to ruin the country by raising taxes and forcing trans culture down her throat, etc, all within like 30 seconds (ugh). I was concerned because the quiet 21 year old who has confided in me her very progressive non-conformative views about herself was sitting there listening and I like to keep things civil in conversations. But to my surprise the 21 year old just immediately flew into this empowered rant about how she doesn't want to live in a world where we're not taking care of the planet and focusing on climate change and treating others with respect and she'll be damned if she's going to sit aside while people like Trump just get away with bullying others to benefit themselves, etc

I just sat back, honestly in awe, of how sure of herself she was, something I was not expecting from the quiet one at work. She's been really down on herself the last couple days saying that she doesn't matter, etc and I actually told her today how I look up to her for being so strong in that moment and for the bravery it took for her to come out to me about not conforming to society's gender rules. I've got a new friend at work, and she's a badass Gen Z.

SchnorkIes posted:

Is there a form of therapy that is more leftist friendly? CBT sounds like it really pushes some stuff that's questionable from the perspective of being a person with vigorous principles that are at odds with this shithole world, like the whole leftist project would be dismissed as catastrophizing and "should" statements or something. But idk, I've never tried it.

Tuxedo Catfish posted:

in my experience CBT is a weird mix of true but obvious statements and condescension

i found some of the most basic elements of it to be genuinely useful for depression, but like, "be aware of your own feelings, get in the habit of consciously checking in on yourself, and don't mistake lowered mood for objective analysis of your situation" is like going to the dentist to get a tooth pulled and being reminded to brush your teeth regularly

Consummate Professional posted:

I'm meeting with a substance abuse counselor/ doctor? tomorrow. I'm not even sure i would say I'm scared of their judgment anymore. I just want to be well. I've been counting my intake over the last week so I can be honest as possible.

Consummate Professional posted:

whew, the appointment went pretty well and the doctor was super nice. I'm trying to make my work schedule fit in with the intensive outpatient option they have. I think having accountability like that would be super helpful for me.

thank you for the kind words, everyone!

Consummate Professional posted:

hey gang, just checking in and saying hi.

I did manage to get all my ducks in a row and was supposed to start an virtual intensive outpatient program today but they called and said the system is hosed so there's no session today.

kinda frustrating but I'm proud of myself for not thinking "gently caress yeah one more day of drinking" and played video games instead.

I also started a certificate program this week to work towards getting into the IT field because I am real sick of customer service and there's so many IT jobs around here.

School sucks but I'm super motivated to get this done. I do know I'll probably start out in a help desk spot which is also basically customer service lol. but there's really no upward mobility in my current job.

so, things are going okay and every waking moment of life isn't miserable!! I know I'll ebb and flow and hope the IOP helps with that as well as getting better coping skills.

I hope everyone is doing okay or if not, surviving in this weird rear end world

i say swears online posted:

eh. the reason why a lot of people (including me) are having problems is because of a lack of real-world community and human connections, with no or daunting answers on how to reconnect them. it's good advice but it's hard

Cpt_Obvious posted:

Edit: the point is, if you are going in for therapy and don't feel like it's helping, try a new therapist.

Sanguinary Novel posted:

Right up there with "human capital"

samantonio posted:

petit choux posted:

I've been having intrusive thoughts telling me to bump myself off a lot over the past few days. Haven't managed to get that bike mechanic job after all, the shop owner called and told me he decided to give the job to one of his old buddies after he had promised it to me, NBD. Just selling a few hundred bucks worth of stuff every week on ebay, taking care of my now-cancer-survivor wife, trying not to post in CSPAM so my nerves calm down, that's a good part of my life RN. I haven't been able to make friends with anybody yet, the few times I've tried I've gotten brushed off. So yeah, feeling pretty useless and meaningless here. Trying to remind myself that "nothing matters" also means I can do whatever I want, but still not happy about that.

petit choux posted:

Hey, thanks for all the supportive words. I really appreciate it. I might as well admit that I have been spotty in taking my antidepressants and that's part of the reason I'm getting a lot of negative emotions going on. Just getting these inarticulate pangs of sorrow and pain kind of randomly. Trying to get that Zoloft rictus back.

UnfortunateSexFart posted:

I know you weren't talking to me but can we not do the "it's all in the plan" nonsense. I am absolutely not handling not being able to sleep, it is not making me stronger, it is destroying me. I'm turning 41 soon and to pretend anything has any rhyme or reason makes me angry, sorry. Only a cruel deity would rob me of the ability to sleep then make me perform high level tasks for eight hours per day with severe brain fog during the one time where I could recharge.

I'm so worn down. Posting this at 6am Aussie time with 3 hours sleep max.

Orb Crabmelt posted:

I'm in the final week of my undergrad studies and I think my brain is trying to gently caress me over. I have weeks' worth of assignments due in about ten days from now and just can't get out of bed most of the time. Whenever I try to talk to friends, they mostly give the standard "make a checklist" & pomodoro stuff and it feels alienating.

Thank you for providing a space to vent, thread.

UnfortunateSexFart posted:

I was tested for apnea at an overnight university sleep clinic and don't have it or anything else easily fixable. It's just chronic constant anxiety mixed with being an incredibly light sleeper and not being able to afford more than a one bedroom apartment in a busy urban area where work for constantly fatigued people is still achievable (just barely - been security most of my life). I already wear earplugs and found the quietest apartment I could, but bass goes right through them.

My mom is the same way but also has apnea as she's super fat. Hard to stay in shape when all you want to do is lie down 24/7.

I didn't even have kids because there is no way I wanted to pass this on and/or be as bad a parent as she was.

Thanks for the sympathy though guys. For some reason 3am rants in this thread help me go back to sleep.

Edit: my wife doesn't have apnea either. She's just snoring a bit, maybe wouldn't bother a normal sleeper.

UnfortunateSexFart posted:

Nothing stops me from being a light sleeper but if I have absolutely nothing to worry about and there's no noise I sleep well.

I do walk home from work every day which takes an hour (4km).

Orb Crabmelt posted:

Oddly enough, the times I was able to overcome this type of thing it was more like a switch being flipped than anything else. Maybe the pressure of having the deadline coming up?

Thank you for the kind words!

vvvvvv I tried the disabilities thing last semester: no dice! But thanks

Jorge Bell posted:

While your anxieties are extremely legitimate, if they're interfering with your life in negative ways therapy absolutely could help with this. You may not even need formal therapy - support groups for people dealing with medical issues exist and based on the end of your post it might be extremely gratifying for you to just air things out with people in similar situations. Best case, you may even get some better info on how to navigate your poo poo.

Consummate Professional posted:

I think my naltrexone prescription has kicked in. I was drinking and thought "eh, this is kinda boring, I want to do something else".

That is an amazing thought for me and incredibly freeing.

Consummate Professional posted:

I'm doing pretty well! School is moving along, the IOP is useful and I'm doing my best not to let other people bother me and take me out of it. I think I'm going to explore going to a meeting this week.

I had a random panic attack a few days ago and I was able to work myself through it which was pretty amazing. previously, that would have been the end of my day/lead to getting pretty goddamn drunk

Consummate Professional posted:

Thank you! I try not to post my daily bitching in here because we all deal with it and I can usually handle it now.

This thread has been such a godsend and I wish the best in all things for everyone in here

DoubleDonut posted:

while looking for a therapist in my area, I've decided that one of the things I hate most in life is looking at lists of professional portraits

or maybe I'm just already stressed out to poo poo and latching on to something vaguely unsettling idk

samantonio posted:

Got accepted back to college today, got my FAFSA filled out and will probably get in touch with a counselor tomorrow to check out how I want to structure classes. This has been a major boost to the emotional state, though I am nervous.y last attempt at college was 13+ years ago, but feel ready this time.

I noticed the recruiter's signature line lists his pronouns he/him/his so a true marxist/cancel culture school. I should fit in lol.

Crazypoops posted:

also I think I'm going to make an appointment to a psychiatrist, I think I have ptsd from being a service worker during the pandemic

Ball Tazeman posted:

It’s helpful just to know that somebody went through something similar.

I haven’t eaten and my stomach is in knots constantly. The waterproofers are coming for an estimate in two weeks, hopefully it won’t be more than $3000 in work because, well, that’s all the money we have.

My partner has sent me to my parents house for the time being to try to get my anxiety controlled while he and his family do some moving because I was vomiting bile and dry heaved for a half hour from panic.


God, I feel like dying.

Cpt_Obvious posted:

Everything about homeownership is disproportionately stressful, perhaps because it's the biggest purchase you'll ever make. And every homeowner has had a fitful night or two because of it. Make sure you get multiple estimates from different people and you aren't paying for poo poo you don't want, some of those basement guys will upsell you on everything.

Sanguinary Novel posted:

Lol love to leave the doctor's office with a script for 20,000 IU vitamin D pills.

endlessmonotony posted:

Try filling your sink with real cold water, then shove your face in for about half a minute. Or take a real cold shower.

Quick fix, but oughta help for a moment.

Zil posted:

Specifically it is called the Mammalian Dive Reflex/Response if you want to look up research on the subject.

erosion posted:

It's happened many times, but interestingly, not every time, sometimes I don't mind being out

erosion posted:

No, that's not it. I got really upset before we went out because she bought more groceries, and we already are out of room for what we have. Nothing gets rotated or cleaned, and the house is already a cluttered disaster.

So I have practically no control over my home environment, any cleaning or organizing I attempt is defeated within a day or two. The noise is unbelievable too, sometimes I have to put in earplugs to sleep or even eat. Add Cymbalta withdrawal to that.

So I'm already angry and we go to the restaurant. Get there and the noise level is unbearable, everyone just shouting for no reason, and I got a couple smug glances from maskless boomers. I had to bail because it was a horrible experience and I was the verge of beating the poo poo out of some rando.

erosion posted:

lol

erosion posted:

no worries I'm going for dark comedy

I've given up on the establishment, nothing but bad vibes there. that said, I might just have to suck it up and see someone because I might end up in jail.

Ball Tazeman posted:

I’m sleeping and eating at least one meal a day now. I still have terrible panic attacks when I wake up, however I am convinced that our house is going to kill me in a multitude of ways

1. gas leak
2. mildew/mold
3. mouse infestation
4. bad foundation that will literally just crumble to the ground
5. Run us out of money
6. Washer/dryer has some sort of mold or mouse poop in it that will give me an infection and kill me
7. deadly spiders

Cw: self harm

Anyway I’m very very suicidal due to all this and the fear that the pandemic will literally never end. I literally hit up a crisis hotline every single day even though I haven’t found them particularly helpful. I’m just trying to hold out until I can see my psych tomorrow.

Ball Tazeman posted:

A small update, but I’ve been in touch with a local mental health resource and they finally set me up with a case worker for an intake appointment. It’s in 10 days. Should I just keep calling the crisis line everyday until I get to that appointment? Currently, I’m set up where I’m never alone. My partner drops me off at my parents house before work and I go home with him in the afternoon, so I’m not going to do anything unsafe, but I feel like a prisoner in my own head all day.

Eat This Glob posted:

hello mental health thread. i hope you've all been well since i last posted ITT. i was hoping to pick y'alls brains a bit. i learned my bio dad was not the fella ive called dad all my life. no problem there. my dad is an absolute saint as far as I'm concerned.

turns out my bio dad died in his late 40s and had a couple of kids who survived him per his obituary. one had died via oversose between the biodad obit and me learning i have a different biological father than I thought.

the other kid, my half sister, is both local and fond of her dear departed pa if some minor Facebook lookilooery is to be believed.

the question is, do i let her know she has a surviving half brother? just let her live her life as she's always known it? i sure don't want to throw a wrench into her situation if I can help it. Do I stay quiet or reach out and say hey, I learned this a few years back and how'd you like to get a cup of coffee and learn more about each other?

her dad and brother both died from addiction issues so it isnt like id be enlightening her on family medical stuff she doesn't already know aside from my mental health stuff. just curious what you all think