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Nonviolent J posted:Fishing is barbaric and a sin against God, you should all be ashamed i'm not, because i can count the number of fish i have caught on two hands, and the number of fish bigger than my hand on one finger (it was a small shark). Every one of them was thrown back, not that they were worth keeping in any case. i also caught a small crab once and snuck up behind my stepsister and let it snap her ear, which didn't go over well. I also accidentally hooked her in the cheek with my hook in a cast that got out of my control. We didn't get along much.
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Feb 24, 2019 00:07
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| # ? May 5, 2024 11:19 |
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Nonviolent J posted:Fishing is barbaric and a sin against God, you should all be ashamed You'd think differently if you got a twitch on the end of your rod. It's kinda fun
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Feb 24, 2019 02:35
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I was a tweaker for several months and I thought I was smart enough to keep it secret and hide the blatantly obvious signs and symptoms. That was pretty humiliating.
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Feb 24, 2019 02:38
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danced
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Feb 24, 2019 03:03
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Nonviolent J posted:Fishing is barbaric and a sin against God, you should all be ashamed
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Feb 24, 2019 03:22
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i like nice words
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One time I ended a date with a hand shake because I was distracted.
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Feb 24, 2019 03:41
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Oh, I remembered a good one. I was like 13 and was messing around (clothed) with a girl my mom had never met when she came home, and for some reason I panicked and told her to fix her hair because it looked bad, when I meant to say it looked like we'd been being bad. There was no 2nd date. Also, my mom wouldn't have given one sweet gently caress.
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Feb 24, 2019 03:48
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Different girl, first date, I decided to tell her a story about how we'd been driving in the country once and hit the carcass of a massive racoon, and looked out the back window to witness it pirouette on one leg with its arms our like a ballerina and it was the funniest loving thing I'd ever seen. She says nothing, then quietly mentioned she's rescued multiple sick/injured racoons in the past. The rest of the date didn't go much better. I mean it was already dead...
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Feb 24, 2019 03:53
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we get it girls like you stop rub in
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Feb 24, 2019 04:16
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when i was new at a job I was given one of those idiot office greeting cards to sign for a high up person, I was one of the last to get it and i just scrawled 'happy birthday' without thinking, and it turned out to be a condolences card. I dont know if they re-did the card or whited my stupid rear end out or what but it was a great way to get my name out there.
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Feb 24, 2019 04:20
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Went to Egypt once for a holiday, thought I'd fit in by doing the "walk like an Egyptian" dance move the whole time. Turns out Egyptians walk pretty normal. But I was already committed to it so I did the stupid walk for eight days.
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Feb 24, 2019 06:44
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Threw up in a toilet that didn’t work immediately after sleeping with a girl who had told me that.
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Feb 24, 2019 08:08
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Dangerous Minority posted:I had to participate in a play when I was in first grade. Class-wide thing, everyone had to do it, no getting out of it. A few weeks of rehearsals later and the entire school is crammed in the auditorium, watching me nervously take stage to set the play off. to be fair that was likely a lot more entertaining for everyone involved than the 1st grade play would have been.
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Feb 24, 2019 15:38
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Icochet posted:Went to Egypt once for a holiday, thought I'd fit in by doing the "walk like an Egyptian" dance move the whole time. Turns out Egyptians walk pretty normal. But I was already committed to it so I did the stupid walk for eight days. Oh man, this one hits hard.
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Feb 24, 2019 16:11
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This is the second time in my adult life I've pissed my pants sleeping because I dreamed I was awake and in my backyard where I really enjoy pissing Just lazy I guess
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Feb 24, 2019 16:21
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Once I asked a girl if she was limping around because she had been in a motorcycle accident, turns out she was born with one leg shorter than the other. When I was a senior in HS I was on the debate team. I had a car so after one of the tournaments me and a couple of friends of mine and a couple of girls all decided to go hang around some park. The girls were these poetry-dramatic reading girls and one of them I had been half-heartedly pursuing through the school year. I was thinking she was way out of my league but she was unconventionally cute (kind of lanky, weird jawline) and I was very into that whole drama-girl thing so I tried to befriend her and get a little flirty over the tournament season. Surprisingly it seems to be working and she seemed to be getting interested. I don't remember her name. So we're at this park hanging around doing teenager things and I'm chatting with her and then the other people kind of wander off and for whatever reason she picks up her shirt a little and shows me that she's wearing this lacy body-suit or something under her clothes. I can't exactly explain what happened at this point...when you're 17 or 18 you're sort of getting to be an adult but also you're still a kid, I was very much a kid and seeing her do that blew my mind. I don't know what the appropriate action would have been but it wasn't saying "Hey so-and-so is wearing sexy underwear! Hey guys she's wearing sexy underwear!" She never spoke to me again and to be honest I completely understand I did not deserve to be spoken to again by her.
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Feb 25, 2019 16:01
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hm, ok, in grade 7 I moved to a new school and there was a girl that was like chasing me around, asking me to go to the fall dance with her. at this point I had no experience with girls or dances and I was more intimidated than anything but after her literally chasing me around the playground for a week I said I'd go to the dance with her. the night before I stayed up really late and couldn't sleep I was so nervous. the next day came and I went through the entire dance without ever speaking to, approaching, or even making eye contact with her. she'd actually dressed up which was unusual for a grade 7 school-hours dance. we didn't speak again until the grade 8 graduation dance, when everyone was suddenly trying to act like adults and doing grinding dances etc. I asked her "hey want to dance" and she looked me dead in the eye and said to me in a colder voice than anyone has ever used before or since "no". a related addendum: between these two events some of my dads friends came to stay at his cottage with some of their kids and while the kids were trying to get to sleep in the bunk bed room we were talking about girls and one of them asked me "are you chased" and I said "sometimes", referring to the previously mentioned event where I was chased around the playground. they laughed uproriously. "sometimes!! he said!!" they cried like it was the funniest thing ever. it was only later I realized he must have asking 'chaste' and was some weird jewish religious kid but wtf even that considered what a strange loving question The Walrus fucked around with this message at 16:24 on Feb 25, 2019 |
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Feb 25, 2019 16:13
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In highschool my friends and I used to tell each other "you were adopted and no one loves you" as a lame burn. I'm in class and some kid's being annoying so I say "shut up, you were adopted and no one loves you". He simply responded "I was actually adopted" and had the most crushed facial expression. 
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Feb 25, 2019 17:20
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I brought flowers to a girl on a first date to pick her up at her house to ride transit downtown to see Big Fish, then I brought her home on transit despite her telling me I didn't need to and the fact she lived on the opposite end of the city from me. she was like this super tomboy girl I have no idea what I was even thinking in any respect. I'm gonna be thinking of more of these, it's tough because I've tried a long time to forget them
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Feb 25, 2019 17:29
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I went to go see the movie Wall-E in theaters by myself as a 20 year old man. I started tearing up at the end and was already feeling uncomfortable about being at a kid's movie by myself. Actual tears were running down my face through the end credits and a guy a few seats next to me walked over, sat down, and said "I'm going through a divorce too, I know it's hard to try and live your life when everything reminds you of your wife and kids." I told him I was just crying because of the movie and he handed me a card for a grief counselor and told me to go check them out whenever I felt strong enough. At that point I was just ready to go home so I took the card and said thanks and left the theater.
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Feb 25, 2019 17:30
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oh this is a good one that still makes my stomach turn thinking about it I was at a wedding with my girlfriend (it was a friend of hers) and before the ceremony we were standing in the hallway and talking about the wedding, what we did and didn't like, what we would want to do differently, what parts we were like 'ew never' etc. Nothing too bad or scathing but definitely a frank assessment and consideration of what parts wouldn't work for us. The wedding was pretty nice really so we were mostly just being picky in the same way that you would, like, watching HGTV or whatever. I also at one point went into a supply closet and stole a bunch of pens. Later on, at the reception, the bride was making the rounds of the tables and when she got to us she was like "you know, I heard that some people were saying rude things about my wedding, can you believe that? when I'm paying for an open bar and everything." all I could stammer out was "oh.. um, I'm sure they didn't mean anything by it". it was only later that I realized there was literally *nobody* around us when we were talking, but that we were pretty near the room in the event space where the ceremony was held. The bride's staging area must have been right on the other side of one of the doors we were standing around. The bride and her entire party must have heard every drat word. Ouch.
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Feb 25, 2019 17:39
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A Fancy Hat posted:I went to go see the movie Wall-E in theaters by myself as a 20 year old man. Dude, you were getting cruised. If you called that number, you would've got a blumpkin. The Walrus posted:oh this is a good one that still makes my stomach turn thinking about it Yeah, this one legit made me cringe IRL.
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Feb 25, 2019 17:43
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The Walrus posted:oh this is a good one that still makes my stomach turn thinking about it Next you'll say you didnt tip at the open bar and got them a toaster for the gift.
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Feb 25, 2019 18:08
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Local Weather posted:When I was a senior in HS I was on the debate team. I had a car so after one of the tournaments me and a couple of friends of mine and a couple of girls all decided to go hang around some park. The girls were these poetry-dramatic reading girls and one of them I had been half-heartedly pursuing through the school year. I was thinking she was way out of my league but she was unconventionally cute (kind of lanky, weird jawline) and I was very into that whole drama-girl thing so I tried to befriend her and get a little flirty over the tournament season. Surprisingly it seems to be working and she seemed to be getting interested. I don't remember her name. what the gently caress is wrong with you
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Feb 25, 2019 19:15
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in grade 11 I gave my girlfriend a cd with a bunch of romantic sounding poo poo on it, iron and wine, basically like half the garden state soundtrack, ben folds the luckiest, and then I finished it off with "hurt" by NIN as a joke and because it could kind of sound romantic if you don't listen to the words that closely. she didnt get the joke and played the cd for her parents and they said I couldn't come over anymore
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Feb 25, 2019 19:26
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Senior year of high school, a girl I was friends with asked me to prom. I was sure it was just as friends. I go pick her up at her house and her parents are taking a ton of pictures of us, saying how excited they were. I'm still completely clueless at this point. We get to prom. A bunch of her friends are all giggly and saying how nice a couple we make. I remember saying something like "Yeah Alicia's really cool." and her turning beet red. We sit down, eat some food, and then we start dancing. And then she goes in for the kiss. And I lean back and let out a "woahhh woah woah". Rather than talk about it like human beings I ghost her for the entire rest of the night. That involved hiding outside for a while and spending about 2 hours in the bathroom at one point. The problem is we drove together so when things are starting to wrap up I hunt her down and ask if I'm still driving her home. This girl still acts super nice to me, despite me being a huge monster to her, and says that I can drive her home "or to a restaurant or something if you want." I drive her home and I'm pretty sure I said "Well I'll see ya at school on Monday BYE" without making eye contact with her.
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Feb 25, 2019 19:33
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I think this one might actually take the cake for the single most awkward moment just because it was so focused, so singular, and went on for so long. I was a goober in high school but in grade 12 a new girl came to school and she was showing some interest in me. We were at the same party one night and I forget how it came up but essentially we were going to go outside and make out (this was never actually spelled out, but it was definitely obvious to everyone but the high school male). so we went outside, in the cold, and didn't even chat. we just stood there, in silence, for like 15 minutes. it felt like an hour at least. eventually she said "I'm going to go inside. ok?" and I said "ok" and then I left the party without going back in
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Feb 25, 2019 19:48
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A Fancy Hat posted:Senior year of high school, a girl I was friends with asked me to prom. I was sure it was just as friends... Kak posted:what the gently caress is wrong with you
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Feb 25, 2019 20:03
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Feb 25, 2019 20:13
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Was joking around with a friend and quoting a stupid Youtube video that we always quoted. One of the lines was "Oh that's just my dying grandma...*beat*...Oh, better make that my all-the-way dead grandma!" *laugh track* Forgot that his grandma had just died and his face just went from smile to absolute heart crushing sadness in less than a second and I think my face did the same thing as I realized that it was not the correct time to quote the dead grandma joke video. He forgave me and realized it was an innocent mistake but goddamn.
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Feb 25, 2019 21:41
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Shortly after the end of my first long-term relationship I threw a house party that yielded quite the turn out. Midway through the party my ex calls and asks if she can come hang. I agreed, figuring this is what a mature person would do post relationship. We're playing pong, etc and she starts giving me alot of weird vibes and asking if I'd prefer to go hang in my room. We go in my room and start smoking weed and listening to music. Things are going well, she's being very handsy and continuing to give me flirty vibes. As we sit on my bed talking, she leans across me to grab an ashtray and I assume she is trying to kiss me- I go in for a kiss and she is all like "Uhhh, dude?". All at once I realized I had completely misread this scene so I did what any reasonable person would do; I balled my fuckin' eyes out! She took it in stride; said she understood how I could've gotten the wrong idea and bounced. I spent the rest of the night inconsolably crying while 60 or 70 strangers partied in my house- totes awkward lmao!
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Feb 25, 2019 22:11
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I told a girl who was into me when I was drunk that she had big teeth (I didn't mean it as an insult but she took it that way... obviously). Oops. I was also drunk a different time at a friend's condo hanging out with a group of people I didn't know well, I looked at my phone as I was pissing and ended up getting piss all over my pants and had to come out and admit what just happened because how do you play off a big wet stain on your crotch area? Oops.
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Feb 25, 2019 22:45
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Hometown Slime Queen posted:
This reminds me that I made a cancer joke around a friend who's mom had died of cancer a month or two before, loving OOPS.
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Feb 25, 2019 22:47
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gimme the GOD drat candy posted:i spent $10 to post on an internet forum once 
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Feb 25, 2019 22:52
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what the hell is wrong with this thing?
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Feb 25, 2019 22:54
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The Walrus posted:it was only later that I realized there was literally *nobody* around us when we were talking, but that we were pretty near the room in the event space where the ceremony was held. The bride's staging area must have been right on the other side of one of the doors we were standing around. The bride and her entire party must have heard every drat word. Ouch. Eh gently caress 'em. All weddings should have open bars to make up for the fact that people are being made to sit through a lovely loving wedding. With a 50% divorce rate you're basically rolling the dice on those gifts being appreciated in any real nuptial capacity.
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Feb 25, 2019 23:06
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One time before weed was legal in my state, I went to my dealers house and went through the process of making weed brownies while stoned, we have nothing in common. Hanging with your drug dealer is almost always awkward.
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Feb 25, 2019 23:13
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Yet so many are loving pumped to pressure you into it. It must be an elaborate troll, they saw half baked and said ah-ha...
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Feb 25, 2019 23:14
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T Bowl posted:I was also drunk a different time at a friend's condo hanging out with a group of people I didn't know well, I looked at my phone as I was pissing and ended up getting piss all over my pants and had to come out and admit what just happened because how do you play off a big wet stain on your crotch area? Oops. When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I somehow managed to get a spot of pee on my pants about halfway down my left thigh while using a urinal. Kids being kids, pointed at it and said, "Ha, ha! Labya peed his pants!" but it was so far away from my dick area that I could've played it off as "No, I spilled [some other liquid] on my pants!" (Or, if I wasn't in 3rd or 4th grade, I could've made a joke about my dick being super long.) But that's not what I did. Instead, I smugly corrected them, "No, I peed ON my pants!" 
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Feb 25, 2019 23:39
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If peeing your pants is cool, then call me Miles Davis
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Feb 25, 2019 23:49
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