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when your lady friend says "oh yes" you should immediately stop and high five her and say "NICE" when your dude is really into it, ask him if he knows about everything being a soup in a bread bowl when someone asks you if you want to 69, be prepared! that's the funny weed number and that means they want to smonk the Baphomet's Broccoli with you! |
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Mar 16, 2019 18:45
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get down between their thighs and make Darth Vader noses but really you're having an asthma attack
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Mar 16, 2019 18:48
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the safe word is "prestidigitation" b but you have crippling anxiety and a stutter
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Mar 16, 2019 18:49
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Korean Boomhauer posted:i cant have the sex because every time the ding dongs and the butts come out i just start laughin because lol butts and lol ding dongs (and cooters and boobers i guess too also) ever time I think about doin the nasty I start a hootin n hollerin and roflmaoin because the whole dang idea is so preposterous I just can't get with it and I think it's cause the dang ol penis is just a frickin joke
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Mar 17, 2019 04:35
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safe sex is all about keeping your soup outta the breadbowl so you gotta use protection: have you tried Tupperware
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Mar 17, 2019 04:36
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nesamdoom posted:Soft blanket or you have to crank it Nice pillow only or you get to sleep lonely
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Mar 17, 2019 05:13
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Nosfereefer posted:does eating a female latina's tacos count as sex? My coconut wife would object to this
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Mar 17, 2019 05:20
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Don't forget to wash up before and after doing the deed Especially if it's for a large parcel of land, those land specifications are wicked difficult and you'll get ink all over your hands
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Mar 17, 2019 05:43
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Jaded Burnout posted:if fire comes out of your pee pee, congratulations, it's a boy if the fire comes out of ur b-hole it's a chilidog if you belch fire it's a girl yay
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Mar 17, 2019 18:21
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Jaded Burnout posted:gently caress on the stove top, but only when it's on pro tier scientific method here 
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Mar 17, 2019 19:14
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TVsVeryOwn posted:i think you will find it is precisely hot enough for me. the professional sex haver ah yes, a colleague of mine, someone who definitely has "touched genitals"
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Mar 17, 2019 19:14
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Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, sex is not for everyone??? So don't do it on the sidewalk or you'll get some sick road rash and probably hurt ur nuts
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Mar 17, 2019 19:19
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Korean Boomhauer posted:the closest I’ve ever gotten to doing a sex was using a microwaved wet towel They're really nice on your face
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Mar 17, 2019 19:57
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Korean Boomhauer posted:ive never had one before except when i got bumped up to first class and i got one and it felt really good and now i try to do them at home whenever possible Same and now it's part of my ten step skincare thing that has gone from ten to fifteen or so steps because my auntie keeps sending me fancy stuff to put on my skin because "you're getting old".
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Mar 17, 2019 21:29
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alnilam posted:Back in the day i had a 7x GM sexhaver in ultima online Holy fukc ,we found the pro
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Mar 18, 2019 00:13
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xcheopis posted:He loves me very much. Is the cat Garfeld
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Mar 18, 2019 01:43
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New sex move, probably pro-tier: the Cold Hardee's Buy your gf Hardee's and then drive around in the car until the fries are really cold then give them to her and tell her to microwave them
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Mar 18, 2019 05:02
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Dick Bastardly posted:tried it, did the sex before the microwave was finished heating the fries. I rate it 10/10 pro tier sex move Did you 666?????
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Mar 18, 2019 19:54
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Bluedeanie posted:they say you used to be able to do the konami code w your dick when you do sex (with slapping each butt cheek for a and b and tweaking each nip for start and select) and it would let you do 99 (max value) full size skeet pumps when you cum but i wouldnt try it today, sinde ever since contra 2 came out if you try it you lose youe boner instantly woah this is good information thakn to u
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Mar 18, 2019 20:18
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Dick Bastardly posted:If by that you mean the devil's lettuce, then yes absolutely He'll yeah brother
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Mar 19, 2019 02:37
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blaise rascal posted:my sex alarm goes off at 5am. I roll over and stare bleary eyed at the phone, taking a full minute to realize that I should turn off the alarm.
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Mar 19, 2019 17:47
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Ok ok I got it I got a new move It really works too Pop a habanero in your mouth and give your dude a beej It'll be the most memorable evening of his life I promise
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Mar 20, 2019 05:10
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google THIS posted:If you keep two graham crackers and a chocolate bar at the ready this move is called the S'more. if you shove the pepper up someone's b-hole the move is called the ring of fire, i read about it in cosmo seems like a good idea, like all cosmo sex tips
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Mar 20, 2019 12:31
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Jaded Burnout posted:Like my kitchen cabinets full of sex toys? TOO SOON
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Mar 21, 2019 17:54
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"just add a sprinkling of nuts" says Giada di Laurentis and I moisten I too enjoy eating cake
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Mar 24, 2019 11:51
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TVsVeryOwn posted:yall ain't living if you ain't eating pistachios while you're going at it Cashews or GTFO of my bits
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Mar 24, 2019 20:16
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Jaded Burnout posted:pistachios are cashews yo WHAT?! NO, THEY ARE IN FACT NOT.
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Mar 24, 2019 20:43
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Pistachios are delicious wood clams that are in the cashew family. Cashews are delicious curlybois that are NOT wood clams.
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Mar 24, 2019 20:44
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I will post my friggin nuts in this thread and I don't even have the bepis.
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Mar 24, 2019 20:45
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Jaded Burnout posted:I meant to google bepis but I accidentally hit "print" on the context menu Another BYOB success story!
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Mar 24, 2019 22:59
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Jaded Burnout posted:pistachios are just square cashews ur goin 2 HECK!!!!!
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Mar 25, 2019 15:50
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Jaded Burnout posted:heck yeah I am See you there, we'll toast marshmallows and cheese Toasties!!!!
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Mar 25, 2019 16:25
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Also if you eat a cashew and a pistachio at the same time it just tastes like cashew because cashews are too strong. Also if ur man eats a lot of cashews his dick will taste like cashews, especially if he eats them naked, chews with his mouth open and is extremely gross. Hot sex tip: TAKE A SHOWER.
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Mar 25, 2019 16:26
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PRO TIER SEX TIP OF THE DAY: do not yell "a wave o' babies" (like strongbad does in teen girl squad) when ur about to nut
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Mar 25, 2019 21:10
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excellent technique
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Mar 26, 2019 06:31
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i'm gonna look up the wikihow for fuckin eta: well this was a mistake Randy Travesty fucked around with this message at 06:43 on Mar 26, 2019
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Mar 26, 2019 06:31
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Getting ready to post my latest thinkpiece on Medium, titled "how 2 good fukc, a manual"
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Mar 26, 2019 07:35
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FutonForensic posted:to quote the great Kenny Rogers, when it comes to handjobs, you must know when to hold them, which is most of the time, and when to fold them, which is none of the time Wait I would like to know if it is acceptable to fold em if you've got a full house?????
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Mar 26, 2019 20:31
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FutonForensic posted:if a guy is referring to his dick as a "full house" I'd say you need to collect your sex chips and walk away No no What if your house is full???
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Mar 26, 2019 21:39
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Jaded Burnout posted:does house mean vagina In this case, also salted
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Mar 26, 2019 22:06
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