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A Fancy Hat posted:Jim buys DNA tests for the whole office for "fun", and it turns out that Dwight, Jim, and Michael are all distantly related. *cut to talking head of Creed* “He paid me $20... and I got to keep the diaper.”
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Mar 21, 2021 00:50
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 20:48 |
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Dwight awakens in a dimly-lit room, naked and floating in a tub filled with a clear gel. He is confused; his last memory involved drinking a cup of coffee to start his workday at the Dunder-Mifflin office, but now he finds himself here. Multiple computers and wires surround him. A beautiful blonde woman in a red dress steps out from the shadows. "Hello, Thirteen. I see you have finished downloading" "What's the meaning of this?", yells Dwight. "My name is Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager!" "Oh, Thirteen, that was your old life.", the woman replies. "Also, you were the Assistant *to* the Regional Manager-" "What?-" "No matter! No longer do you have to pretend you are human. You are like us; a perfect, immortal machine." "You mean?..." "Yes, you are the thirteenth Cylon model, as predicted by God in the scrolls of Pythia." "But... that can't be, it's just a TV show." "Oh, Thirteen; all of this has happened before, and all of it will happen again. It is up to you to save our people from the tyranny of man." Dwight grins. "Of course! No wonder I constantly surpass Michael and Jim and those other weak fools. How can humanity match against the power of a Cylon?" Six smiles. "The planetary defense systems are programmed into the Dundler-Mifflin central mainframe. You must destroy them, and allow the Cylon fleet to take command of Earth." Thirteen, the Cylon once known as Dwight nods. "By your command." ------------------------------------------------ Cut to the Dunder-Mifflin offices. Dwight, still naked and covered in lube, is escorted from the building after destroying Pam's computer while yelling the lyrics to "All Along the Watchtower." As he is carried out by security, we see Jim in the interview room, wearing a blonde wig and a red dress. "I knew there was something wrong with the office toaster today...", he says, mugging at the camera. Gatto Grigio fucked around with this message at 02:58 on Apr 16, 2021 |
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Apr 7, 2021 01:55
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Jim pretends to be QAnon and tricks Dwight into casting his Trump vote at a Dominion machine.
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Apr 7, 2021 03:20
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Jim replaces Dwight’s coffee with Folger’s flavor crystals.
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Apr 7, 2021 21:04
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Jim replaces Dwight’s flavor crystals with crystal meth.
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Apr 7, 2021 21:05
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Jim replaces all of Dwight’s blood with antifreeze.
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Apr 7, 2021 23:37
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Devoted goon Dwight devotes a GBS thread to the myriad pranks that Jim has pulled on him. Before it can be goldmined, Jim becomes a mod and sends it to the toxic waste dump. 
Gatto Grigio fucked around with this message at 02:51 on Apr 8, 2021 |
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Apr 8, 2021 02:42
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Cubone posted:jim puts dwight's stapler in jell-o jim puts a stapler in Dwight’s jell-o
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Apr 14, 2021 02:40
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After moving in with Pam, Jim invites Dwight to dinner at their new house. For weeks, Dwight refuses, suspecting Jim of another prank. He finally relents after many promises from Jim to be on his best behavior. Dwight arrives at the house; he even brought a bottle of Schrute Farms famous beetroot liquor as a housewarming gift. Jim takes the gift. "Hope you're hungry; I'm making steamed clams for dinner tonight!" At this point, Dwight can smell something burning from the kitchen. Jim panics and runs to the kitchen to check on the food. Dwight waits, but Jim does not return, and the burning smells and smoke from the kitchen continue to build. After Dwight is left waiting at the dinner table for over an hour, Jim finally returns from the kitchen with a plate of... hamburgers? "What is this, Jim? I thought you said you were making steamed clams?" "Oh no, Dwight, you're mistaken.", says Jim. "I was making steamed *hams.*" Jim mugs at the camera. Gatto Grigio fucked around with this message at 19:36 on Apr 14, 2021 |
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Apr 14, 2021 19:28
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Michael decides to declare today "Manhunt Day" at the office after watching "Hard Target." After getting a tranq gun and some survival tips from Dwight, he roams both the office and the warehouse, hunting "the most dangerous game." After a long day of hunting, tagging, and hogtying, Michael is down to one dart (it took 5 to bring down Kevin). With a sadistic grin, Dwight posts a memo on the breakroom fridge; it reads "JIM SEASON" Jim enters the breakroom to find himself cornered by Michael and Dwight. "There's no escape for you now, Jim!" mocks Dwight. Jim mugs at the camera and tears the memo off the fridge, revealing another memo beneath. To Dwight's horror, it reads... "DWIGHT SEASON".
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Apr 16, 2021 02:53
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It's fun to imagine all of these being read aloud by Toby from a formal complaint file as Jim mugs incredulously and Dwight continues to seethe.
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Apr 16, 2021 03:01
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Jim legally changes his name to “Nobody” and gouges out Dwight’s eyes while he’s asleep.
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Apr 16, 2021 20:13
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Kevin loses his calculator and goes around asking all the other Dunder-Mifflin employees if they have seen it. Jim says Dwight will know, but tells him that in Amish the word for "calculator" is "wiener." Kevin hounds Dwight all day by asking "Have you seen my wiener?"
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Apr 18, 2021 06:29
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For secret santa at the Dunder-Mifflin Xmas party, Jim gives Dwight a mysterious stone mask that transforms him into a vampire! Reveling in his newfound power, Dwight attempts to destroy Jim once and for all... only for Jim to destroy him with the Hamon training he acquired between Seasons 2 and 3.
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Apr 18, 2021 06:48
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Jim eats Dwight’s takeout from the break room fridge, even though it was clearly labeled “DWIGHT.”
Gatto Grigio fucked around with this message at 17:14 on Apr 18, 2021 |
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Apr 18, 2021 17:10
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In his desire to conceive a masculine child with Angela, Dwight invents a cooling device for his crotch that is guaranteed to keep his scrotal temperature below 86 degrees F at all times. When he’s not looking, Jim installs a balloon and a speaker into the device. Using a remote, he can make it look like Dwight makes farts and inappropriate boners.
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Apr 20, 2021 00:34
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Jim prods Dwight into a leading political argument that ends with Dwight openly declaring his support for white nationalism in full view of the office, leading him to lose the respect of all of his coworkers*. *except Angela and possibly Andy
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Apr 21, 2021 21:43
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Jim does not say “God Bless You” when Dwight sneezes, leaving Dwight vulnerable to possession by evil spirits.
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Apr 22, 2021 22:21
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Dwight harvests beets from his farm when he finds a beet that is small, but difficult to uproot. After tugging it for a few minutes, the beet sprays hot jizzum all over his face! Jim emerges from the loose soil. His dirty face mugs at the camera. Gatto Grigio fucked around with this message at 12:33 on Apr 26, 2021 |
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Apr 26, 2021 12:22
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Jim pranks Dwight by allowing him to repeatedly grab his penis.
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Apr 27, 2021 00:43
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Deki posted:Jim removes the "D" in "Dwight" from everything in the office, including Dwight's employee records, username, and email, and tries to gaslight Dwight into thinking he was always named "Wight". “How dare you call me a wight, Jim, when I play the greatest of undead: the lich!” “Ok Dwight, my bad. I’ll change it all back, chill out.” *cut to talking head* Dwight: “Heh! Jim’s so dumb he screwed it up the second time. Everyone knows the word “lich” doesn’t have a “B”. *roll open*
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Apr 27, 2021 07:23
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Jim pokes holes in all of Dwight’s condoms with a needle. Dwight accidentally impregnates Angela, leaving him with the burden of another child.
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Apr 27, 2021 07:28
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Jim gets Dwight to invest in his new Battlestar Galactica themed cafe but it turns out to be based on the original series instead of the reboot.
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Apr 27, 2021 14:46
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Jim proves to the office that Dwight is gay by sucking his dick.
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Apr 28, 2021 15:15
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Jim calls Dwight from a pay phone, pretending to be a Dunder-Mifflin customer who claims he placed an order with another sales clerk. He insists that he will not order anything unless he’s allowed to speak to “Amanda Huginkiss.”
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Apr 29, 2021 14:57
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Jim pranks Dwight by having sex with Erin and Kelly. When asked by Pam how that’s supposed to be a prank on Dwight, Jim mugs the camera.
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May 3, 2021 17:23
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Jake Peralta programs Janet to quote lines from Die Hard.
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May 3, 2021 22:40
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Slumpy posted:jim brings a gun to work Dwight had brought his best gun to work and it turns out Jim has brought the same gun. Super awkward!
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May 4, 2021 14:37
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When a group of Chinese investors come to Dunder-Mifflin, Jim tells Dwight to wear a green hat, knowing that this will mark him as a cuckold.
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May 4, 2021 16:46
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Jim puts peanut butter on his dick so that Mose will lick it off. Mose barks and runs toward his treat... but Andy gets there first! “PB and tuna sandwich for the Nard Dog!”, he says before taking Jim into his mouth.
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May 4, 2021 23:28
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Jim puts red food dye capsules in Dwight's lunch to fool him into thinking he has internal bleeding. Because of his regular diet of red beets, Dwight doesn't even notice.
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May 5, 2021 22:05
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Two police officers arrive at the Dunder-Mifflin office. They find an old dog sleeping on top of a desk. A tearful Jim greets the police and thanks them for responding to his call. “I’m so sorry to ask this of you,” Jim says, “but my poor dog here got diagnosed with terminal cancer. He’s in so much pain, doesn’t eat, and can’t get around like he used to. I don’t have a gun and and it kills me to say this, but I just can’t watch him suffer like this anymore. Could you... shoot him, and give him a quick death?” At first the cops refuse, but Jim begins wailing, beside himself with grief. Moved to tears, one of the cops finally agrees. He takes out his sidearm and puts one bullet in the dog’s head, killing it instantly. Hearing the shot, Dwight runs into the room. “Mose! He’s dead! What have you done?!? Why?” “I *told* you to keep that dog off of my desk, Dwight.”, Jim replies, mugging at the camera.
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May 7, 2021 00:20
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Jim bribes the Chinese government into dropping their prototype rocket from orbit onto Dwight’s farm.
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May 9, 2021 20:13
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Jim gives Mose a poodle cut, even though he is clearly a sheepdog.
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May 12, 2021 20:20
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Having exhausted every prank he can use on Dwight, Jim punches Ryan in the dick.
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May 14, 2021 04:56
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low key sex master posted:I just realized Dwight and Jim are Goofus and Gallant if Goofus pulled pranks on Gallant all the drat time I always got a Bugs Bunny (Jim) and Daffy Duck (Dwight) vibe from them. Which I guess means Michael is Elmer Fudd.
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May 14, 2021 19:50
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FilthyImp posted:Dwight confides in Jim that he feels inadequate towards Angela. lmao
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May 14, 2021 22:37
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Jim walks in on Angela blowing Dwight and slaps the drat dick out of her mouth.
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May 15, 2021 00:53
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Who What Now posted:"I'll show you how it's done!" Jim says, and proceeds to give several very useful pointers to increase the satisfaction of all parties. Who What Now posted:And that's *mmph, gulp* how you do it!" He says with a wipe and a smirk. 
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May 15, 2021 03:07
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 20:48 |
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Jim convinces Dwight that the apocalypse has began and that he must hide in a dumpster refrigerator to survive, only so he can steal his ticket to Casa Bonita.
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May 15, 2021 03:46
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