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Nobody else gonna talk about how Bronn reloads a crossbow like its a loving shotgun? And somehow without the lever. Just shoot, and stick another quarrel in. Eugh.
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May 6, 2019 22:16
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I'm still sad we never got loveable psycho/idiot Victarion. A Dance with Dragons posted:"All of my brother, Euron's, gifts have a trap in them. I have to be careful he doesn't figure out that I'm planning to betray him" said Victarion to his slave-girl, a gift from his brother, Euron, and who totally can't speak, trust us on this.
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May 6, 2019 22:35
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Zaphod42 posted:What? Euron's problem is not being too nice. Its that he's flat and boring as hell, but also has undeserved superpowers. Heck, I'd totally dig it if he was really nice. Just a really chill dude, having a laugh with his mates, who'll loving shank you if you get in his way. Isn't that meant to be the whole ethos of the iron born?
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May 6, 2019 22:57
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I just rembered that Qyburn bought off Varys Little Birds by offering them sweets. Jfc.
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May 7, 2019 11:05
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They're leaning properly into "dany is a loving maniac" so I am totally okay if they deal with Cersei next week and then the Mad Queen is the end boss of the series. Sansa can do it. Smash her face in. Just. Like. This.
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May 7, 2019 22:08
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Crow Jane posted:Honestly even if the next few episodes are horrible, I'll probably still have fond memories of the show because of the costumes/sets and performances alone. Totally this. Even if Jaime and Brienne shagging cheapened their friendship, it gave us drunk Thormund crying to the Hound. Everyone might be calling Sansa super smart for no reason, but her costume is boss (note how the chain and loop subtly evokes both a Maesters chain and a Hand pin, positioning her as not seeking any power above Lady of Winterfell). The Bronn seem was dumb, but it's always nice to see the Lannister boys being bros.
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May 8, 2019 13:05
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LadyPictureShow posted:Book readers, via this thread (and the other two threads) I've learned about a fat barbarian guy who took a dump on his dead opponent, a hyper-violent moron that beat his wife to death and has a volcano hand, and that Catelyn came back to life as a water-logged zombie dead set on killing anyone who has ever said hello to a Frey. Remember Edmure Tully? Robb's uncle who gets married at the red wedding, and throne in a dungeon, only to be paraded up and down by the Lannisters who can't actually execute him. In the book it plays out much like the show - Jaime comes in, gets Edmure smartened up, and agrees to let him and his wife/kid live out the war under house arrest if he yields Riverrun. On detail that the show cuts, is that Jaime sets a bard outside the tent, playing a song about a "floppy fish" that is a a not-very-subtle song about a teenage (virgin?) Edmure getting a strong case of whiskey-dick with a fair maid at some wedding years before. Remember Locke? The grizzled dude who cuts off Jaime's hand? In the book, Jaime is captured by The Bloody Mummers, a ragtag group of mercenaries (including Qyburn, as well as Rorge and Biter, the thugs in the cage that Yoren is talking to the wall back in S2) that have a massively fat Dothraki, a psychotic jester, a pedophile Septon, and they all ride zebras. Their leader is Vargo Hoat, who has a two-foot goatee and a massive lisp. He has a hatred of Jaime and Brienne because "you thlew my bear!" and he has a habit of feeding prisoners to other prisoners. He's eventually captured by the Mountain, who cuts off bits of him and makes him eat himself, piece by piece. Brienne kills a bunch of the rest of the bloody mummers. Arya is able to warg into Nymeria in her sleep, as "wolf-dreams". Nymeria is busy tearing up the riverlands with a massive pack of like a hundred wolves, and she kills and eats some of the surviving mercenaries. There was also some Targaryean dude way back who was convinced that he could turn into a dragon, drank a flask of wildfire, and died in agony.
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May 9, 2019 21:52
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bobjr posted:There’s another extremely fat northern lord who runs the resistance, and when a Frey kid is mysteriously found dead he goes “lucky for him, because he would have ended up growing up into a Frey” and only survives getting his throat slit because of all the fat. His exact words are "mayhaps 'tis a blessing. Had he lived, he would have grown up to be a Frey" Why is this wording interesting? Two of Walder Frey's grandsons (both called Walder, the big one, Little Walder, is the one murdered) are fostered at Winterfell. In early CoK they're playing a game called Lord of the Crossing. One player stands on a log, and the other has to ask for permission to cross. The Lord can ask the petitioner any question that he likes, and the petitioner has to answer truthfully, or the Lord gets to hit him with a big stick (it sounds like a great game). The only exception is if he manages to say "mayhaps" without the Lord noticing, in which case he's allowed to tell a lie. When Walder Frey invites Robb and co into his house before the Red Wedding, he offers them "Some bread, and salt, mayhaps a sausage?" So essentially, Walder Frey never offered them Guest Right, because he had his fingers crossed.
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May 9, 2019 21:57
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Phenotype posted:Robb Stark's hot wife was an entirely different character, (Jeyne Westerling?) and it turns out her mother was taking money from Tywin Lannister to slip her herbs that would prevent her from becoming pregnant with a Stark heir. Possibly Jeyne was in on it too, and the whole thing was a scheme of Tywin's to drive a wedge between Robb and Walder Frey. And, back in the early books, Cat remarks that she has "wide, child-bearing hips". When Jaime meets her long after the Red Wedding he remarks that she has "narrow hips". This has led to elaborate theories that Jaime is presented with a fake, and the real Jeyne Westerling is secretly pregnant, and has been stashed somewhere until she gives birth to Robb's heir. Gurm's reaction when he heard this theory was "oops, I forgot what her hips were like"
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May 9, 2019 22:03
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Happy Noodle Boy posted:The books sound so loving exhausting. It's partly that the book fans had 6 years between books 4 and 5 to chew over all the details and hunt out clues that might not even be there. And then another 8 years since then 
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May 9, 2019 22:31
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I'm hoping all the stuff about people getting annoyed at the finale is a fear of the backlash they'll get over Mad Queen Dany. Cos I've been waiting 8 years for that poo poo.
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May 10, 2019 19:07
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Zaphod42 posted:They already started the Mad Queen Dany plot last episode so I'm not sure what doubts you may have. I just don't have much trust in them any more. Them pivoting more to mad queen last week has given me way more hope. Especially if she's full on end-boss for the finale
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May 10, 2019 19:45
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And here she is photobombing the lads I don't really follow much celebrity goings on, but the GoT crew are hilarious, and seemingly very wholesome mates.
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May 10, 2019 20:03
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My sister only discovered the series a while back, and is marathoning it at an impressive rate. I'm visiting her tonight, so we're sitting down to watch one. It's "Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken"
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May 10, 2019 22:16
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Please don't. There's a spoiler thread for a reason, and it's best to keep this one completely spoiler free. If it's a bad as you say, we'll all join in laughing in a week or so. And if it's a false spoiler, you can be all "Goddammit this lie I heard is somehow less dumb"
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May 12, 2019 09:45
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TulliusCicero posted:It does make me wonder how bloody Aegon the Conqueror's conquests actually were, and a reminder that Dorne held out against dragon attacks like that for YEARS Surprisingly unbloody I think. The Reach signed up pretty quickly (may have been the Tyrells backstabbing their superiors) ; the Stormlands had a couple of sieges culminating in a marriage pact; the Northmen marched their armies down the neck, King Torrhen took one look at the dragons and immediately bent the knee. The bloodiest bit would have been the river lands. Aegon gave Harren 24 hours to surrender, and when he didn't, exterminated the entire castle. Which is still haunted/cursed 300 years later.
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May 13, 2019 17:54
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Just Chamber posted:Those regular-rear end soliders are likely the type who would kill innocents if given the chance, war brings those people out all the time, it's an element of human nature that sadly some people have in them. This is also a good summation of where show Ramsay is different to book Ramsay. In the book he's exactly the type you describe here, a piece of violent detritus that floats to the surface when law and order collapse. In any normal time he'd have been stomped on as soon as he reared his ugly head.
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May 13, 2019 20:19
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Crimpolioni posted:If that happens I will absolutely join in saying Stannis is poo poo but the thing is that in the books he is stuck in a blizzard outside winterfell with the Boltons bearing down on him. Selyse & Mel & Shireen are back at the wall meanwhile and Stannis's last instructions before the batttle which is about to happen was for his bannermen to put Shireen on the throne if he dies. The books have way more justification for it since the show skimped on the Prince that Was Promised prophecy. The whole point of the Azor Ahai story is "are you willing to sacrifice your loved ones to save the world" which is very different to killing your daughter just so you can be king.
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May 13, 2019 21:00
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MY NIGGA D-LINK posted:You guys who keep saying this are deliberately ignoring what this collapse of character arcs finally shows that GRRM is in reality a garden variety, jaded, cynical goon who truly believes nothing and no one ever changes. Jaimes arc has veered completely off from the book though. Book Jaime is learning how to be a noble and diplomat, learning what it means to be a Lannister beyond just fancy gold. Show Jaime does barely any of that. And "plot armour" doesn't mean "the plot mandates that they survive" but that they keep surviving solely because the plot demands it. Arya is quick and sneaky and small, surely she can dodge through the streets and make it where other people can't. But instead she runs around with them all, takes cover where they're taking cover, and emerges unharmed from a bunch of charred corpses.
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May 13, 2019 22:02
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feedmyleg posted:No dumber than "hold the door." Hold the door owned, and apparently Gurm has loads of weird telepathy and time fuckery in his scifi writings, so that's right up his alley.
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May 14, 2019 12:46
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ulex minor posted:i mean everyone is pretty much like 'yep that's acceptable when you go against a ruler' including tyrion who actually has a reason to care about varys compared to jon who barely even knows him Also that whole scene owned. "I hope I deserve this. I really hope I'm wrong  " and then Drogon climbing over Dany like it's a horror movie.
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May 14, 2019 13:58
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Dazerbeams posted:That’s part of the problem though. They could have done literally anything to trigger Dany’s murder rampage. But they chose instead to let her sit there for a hard second making an anguished face to signify her switch being flipped. The weird almost snarl like kiss she gave Jon was wonderfully unhinged. I'd have paid good money for a whole season of that.
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May 15, 2019 13:54
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Nymeria should appear with her giant army of wolves and eat Dany.
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May 15, 2019 17:42
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Theres a very fun ~5 books or so in WoT based around "what if the chosen one was destined to go insane" but its stretched and padded beyond all reason, and half the cast spend literally 3 or 4 books whining about how they don't want to do what everyone wants them to do.
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May 17, 2019 09:36
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tino posted:Are they worst than Dance with Dragons? Dance with Dragons: Is only one book Has awesome Barristan chapters Sets it up for poo poo to massively hit the fan from the minute the next book starts Mid-series Wot: Princess goes on a secret mission for her magic teachers Uses a magic horn to summon an ancient legendary hero from out of the fabric of time. They join the circus
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May 17, 2019 10:10
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An important detail in "holy gently caress the wall shouldn't be that big" is that they already made it half the height it is in the books.
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May 17, 2019 11:54
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Vegetable posted:Couldn’t the wall height just be explained away by primitive idiots not knowing how to measure very tall things and simply attributing a random number to them That's the explanation we've just given though?
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May 17, 2019 12:31
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Admiral Ray posted:His book The World of Ice & Fire gives him this out since it's written from the perspective of a maester and represents the confirmed knowledge of Westeros. The blatant lies were awesome. "nobody knows who killed baby Aegon. Some say it was Ellia herself, who killed him in a fit of madness before talking her own life"
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May 17, 2019 16:09
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LadyPictureShow posted:https://ew.com/article/2015/05/01/ser-barristan-dead-thrones/ Dorans plan is to ally with Dany - he sent his son Quentyn to negotiate, and his last speech is the awesome "vengeance. Justice. Fire and Blood" moment that they gave to Varys. He's much more canny at waiting for his moment for revenge - he has a great line about how until Oberyn, not a single Dornishman had died in the War of the Five Kings. Quentyn gets completely stonewalled by Dany, and reasons that he has enough Targ heritage to control the dragons. He releases them from underground at about the same time poo poo is going down with Drogon on the arena, and his final appearance is with Barry watching him slowly die of his burns. I thought they might change Dorans plan to the one his daughter and some of the sand snakes have in the book - as women in Dorne can inherit, they can support Myrcellas claim over Tommen. But instead he just fucks about and gets murdered.
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May 18, 2019 18:17
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Teketeketeketeke posted:I was a little late to the party on WoT-chat earlier, so figured I'd throw out another giant fantasy series for discussion... Malazan makes me crazy, because so much of the plot is done in vague hints and insinuations of stuff that happens offscreen, and the author often uses obfuscation as a substitute for depth. But it also owns bones, and will make you cry a single manly tear about three times each book. The cast is gigantic and while the core characters don't always get enough devolpment he's seriously good at sketching out the minor ones and giving them a satisfying emotional journey. It's a lot more ground level, most of the action is following soldiers who only see a small fraction of the battle, and he really likes writing clusterfucks, where a million different plots and schemes smash together. If he wrote GoT that confrontation between the North and the surrendering Lannisters would have had them all joining up to save themselves from the giant dragon killing everybody. Also, and I can't stress how great this is - each book is a complete novel. Yeah, they're all part of one long narrative, but each book actually tells a story, there's resolutions and closure. No pointless meandering, no 500 page rearranging of the chessboard. It's a damning indictment of fantasy that I have to point that out
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May 19, 2019 13:22
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Harton posted:I read the first one and thought it was laughably bad. Wasn’t it just like giant monsters with no way of beating them. Until I summon this bigger one!!! I had absolutely no urge to go onto the second one. I’m not sure the first one made a lot sense at all after reading it. I could just be an idiot though, but I read it like a year ago and remember absolutely nothing about it. Except that I didn’t cry at all and don’t remember the book having settled in any way that was satisfying. First law and the subsequent stand alone novels were leagues better than Mazalan. I kind of agree with you on the Deus ex Machina thing - the power levels of all the ancient unknown gods is deliberately unpredictable. Although I'd call it more diabolos ex machina, as various sides are releasing magical nukes over the city to try and gently caress up the other dudes setting off magical nukes. I really disliked the First Law. It felt just needlessly cynical and nasty - everything sucks, the world's a joke, and heroism is a lie (although Weakest's death made me shed a Malazan style single manly tear). I feel so bored of grimdark fantasy where everything is bleak and nihilistic - and having read Prince of Nothing nobody is gonna pull off grimdark in a way that I find interesting. Malazan has its share of atrocities, but the whole tone of the books is people finding compassion and humanity in the midst of horrible situations. To bring this back to GoT - I think the show has definitely veered more grimdark than the books. Mostly with Ramsay, and the unstoppable rape/torture/murder machine. The books I think are much more subtle and balanced with it - the Brotherhood Without Banners are defending the smallfolk and punishing wrong doers (lately more punishing than defending), the northmen are refusing to follow a traitor like Roose (tell me - where in the show has the North actually remembered anything?), the Hound gets a peaceful retirement etc etc. GRRM has a reputation for cynicism and nihilism that I think is unfair, and D&D and embracing it wholeheartedly.
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May 19, 2019 16:49
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Harton posted:Yeah I think I just like a bit of lower fantasy rather than the high fantasy. I feel like when everyone is a super powerful god it kinda defeats the purpose. Mazalan just goes off the rails with the high fantasy that nothing has any weight to it anymore. Fair enough. I kind of like like the mythic clashes of gods and demons whilst mortals cower in terror, but I readily admit it's kind of frustrating trying to figure out which ancient unknowable horror is the bigger deal. Even if it is occasionally hilarious to see said ancient unknowable horror get blown the gently caress up with grenades.
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May 19, 2019 18:25
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Gianthogweed posted:Yeah, that was my favorite reveal of the show, actually. And I was hoping they were going to take the Bran thing further and do some sort of twist with him turning out to be Bran the Builder and later the Night King. (Sort of like what this guy had in mind: https://youtu.be/k7m6HP95EDM ) but no, instead Bran just was like "I'm a birdie!" during the battle of winterfell. For the show-only people it's really important to stress how the books are setting up the Stark kids to turn into the next generation of supervillains. Bran mind-controls Hodor regularly, and thinks about seducing Meera as him (he also may be eating Jojen, but I don't believe that) Arya is full-on vengeful assassin, who murders the gently caress out of a Night's Watchman who's fled to Braavos Rickon spends half his time warged into Summer, and is rapidly going completely feral. Sansa is learning the art of politics from Littlefinger, and is slowly poisoning Robin Arryn. I'm pretty drat confident the books aren't gonna end with them all moving back to Winterfell to be one big happy family.
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May 19, 2019 18:41
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I was totally up for dissolving the seven Kingdoms, and practically everyone on that council would have been instantly on board with it. Who's running the Reach now anyway?
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May 20, 2019 11:45
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Kaiju Cage Match posted:Only good parts of this episode were Drogon mourning Daenerys's death ( Also "Lord of Lofty Titles" and "Master of Grammar"
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May 20, 2019 14:03
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LividLiquid posted:Remember when the Iron Islands were granted their sovereignty? Oh well, all hail Bran the Broken, ruler of the six kingdoms, I guess. I sure don't! Who did that?
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May 20, 2019 14:49
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Kawalimus posted:He was one of the more bumbling characters in the series, one of those guys you'd know if you read the books(that's not meant as a slight if you didn't This is a dreadful slander on a good man. He takes an opportunity to repulse the mountain's forces. Yes, this messed up Robbs battle plans, but that's what happens when you don't tell your commanders your plans. He's made fun of for letting the small folk shelter in River run to protect them from the Lannister raids, despite that being kind of the idea of castles. He engineers the escape of the Blackfish from Riverrun, and rips into Jaime about how disgusted he is to see the kingslayer standing in the rooms he grew up in, and is probably the only person who actually rattles him. Yeah he's a bit gormless, but he never started any wars
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May 20, 2019 16:29
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) . Kind of Dolorous Eddish.
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mastajake posted:That'd be gambling a lot on the naivete of Robb. I mean, he is his father's son, but Walder doesn't know that. I would give it a Xanatos Gambit though. Even this is too elaborate. Frey is a grasping little poo poo, not a grand puppet master. He brought out his homely daughters because he had Robb over a barrel - no marriage and he can't cross the bridge to rescue his family. Save the pretty daughters for when you actually need to bargain.
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May 20, 2019 16:31
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The show and book constantly uses "the man who passes the sentences should swing the sword" as shorthand for "is this person a piece of poo poo or not?" Dany and Sansa both fail this terribly
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May 21, 2019 15:33
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Raccooon posted:The Dragon is Dany's sword so still works for her. At least for some of the executions. This exact kind of hair splitting is how Neds dad ended up in a trial by combat against "fire"
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May 21, 2019 16:19
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