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the ruels of this game is, you make posts, but here are the rules: 1) no ref to pipe-weed, because that's way too obvious, you want to make obvious jokes? byob is not the place for you buster. Punishment: Probation 2) the following races do not smoke weed, canonically: ents (too obvious), orcs (too racist). if you write a post saying one of them smokes weed, Punishment: Probation 3) marijuana is a powerful psychoactive drug that causes numerous health problems, including inducing schizophrenia, chronic bronchitis etc., particularly among the young (<25 years old), i can't stress this enough: please do not sugarcoat these effects by makineg marijuana seem like a "fun drug": Punishment: Probation 4) avg. THC concentration in Middle Earth Weed. As some of you mauy know, the average THC concentration in weed and weed products has been rising steadily since the 90s. in the 90s, it was 3.7-7.5%, and now its 9.6-16%, so 2 or 3x as potent, and that's not even getting into Dabs and Wax, which can range between 50-80% THC. (source: drugabuse.gov) So you might think, in Middle Earth the concentrations would probably be in the lower range, but remember, that they have magic and both elves and hobbits are steeped in herbological lore. Final ruling is, METHCP (Middle-Earth THC Percentage) is 11-22% for stragith weed, depending on whether merch, mids, or kind buds, and UP TO 99% for some weird elvish poo poo that Elrond or whoever uses at elf parties. So please adjust your "trip reports" accordingly. Punishment for describing a Middle Earth High that is not accurate w/r/t THC potency: Warning. Repeated infractions = Probation 5) Presence of other drugs, heroin, meth, molly, amyl nitrate (poppers), benzos, spice, etc. decided on a case by case basis, post at your own risk and if I tell you to stop, stop or Punishment00: probation 6) rememver that marijuana is a multi BILLION dollar industry which was black market onlky for a long time and is now grey-market in the us at least, people still get killed over it and the weed you smoke is probably soaked in the blood of a humboldt county mexican undocumented worker or, if it is government weed, the casulaties of a 40 year long drug-war which really serves as a justificatory arm of american imperial oppression of former european colonies, but regardless like all huge industries UNDER CAPITALISM it is deeply involved in and in fact cannot function without brutal exploitation, tremendous amounts of pollution, and so forth. Please do not ignore this reality when making jokes about if middle earth had weed, because the best jokes are based on the truth. Punishment; Probation 7) characters may smoke or ingest weed for medicinal purposes such as crohns disease, clinically significant anxiety, IBS, cancer, regular every day anxiety, hiv/aids, multiple sclerosis, that weird kind of anxiety you get when you start worrying that you're going to start experiencing anxiety, etc. but please indicate which medical condition it is treating Punishment: your psot will be edited to indicate the medical condition 8) is weed "cool" in middle earth? Used to be, but now, like, even the Rohirrim are smoking it. Its become kind of a basic white girl drug to be perfectly honest Ok, with all that out of the way, lets have some fun and get that famous BYOB creativity juice flowing as we make each other laugh with the concept of What if Middle Earth Had Weed In It? |
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May 5, 2019 14:38
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| # ¿ May 19, 2024 17:09 |
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mod/ik please change tthread tag to a weed-related one
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May 5, 2019 14:48
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Bo-Pepper posted:*a dwarf looks at a weed warily* haha good start for a joke. just spit-balling here, but perhas the dwarf is young (for a dwarf...so 100 or so?) and hes heard from his friends Bongli and Dongli that weed is a "fun" drug that just makes you chill and have a good time, but he has also read peer-reviewed medical studies that demonstrate a causal relatiosnhip between smokign marijuana and developing health probelms, so he's not sure whether he should smoke it or not and the Momentuous nature of this choice, one whihc may determine wetherh he becomes a mighty warrior or just sits around a mine all day long watchign fools gold glitter, is making him really nervous so he pisses his pants? the joke part could be him pissing his pants, which most people won't do even under these cirucmstances, though some might, if they have urinary incompetence ---------------- |
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May 5, 2019 14:58
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treasure bear posted:what if gollumn did a bong hit imagine... given the way that gollum acts, as described by jrr tolkien, it seems likely that he would smoke weed. i lik e where this is going ---------------- |
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May 5, 2019 14:59
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Hugh Malone posted:As they traveled through the village, an acrid cloud of smoke began to thicken, emanating from the windows of a tavern. "Cough, cough" said Sam, coughily, waving his weird hairy hand in front of his dumb face. "I don't think I'd like to stop and have third lunch here!" lmao ---------------- |
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May 5, 2019 15:01
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As the goblins closed in on them in the underground weed vaults, Gandalf raised his staff and shouted an Elvish word, and all the grow-lamps went out at once, plunging them into darkness...and dankness.
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May 5, 2019 15:19
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"Come, Frodo," said Galadriel, and she beckoned him towards the river, which stank with an acrid odor and was crystal clear, revealing a complete absence of life. "The fertilizers we used for our grow ops were washed into the river, where the fish and animals sickened and died. Regulations were supposed to make a difference, but they cost a lot of money to comply with, and we were already making money hand over fist before legalization, so we decided not to apply for a permit and just continue to operate outside the law, as the Elves have always done. Soon, we will be getting out of the game entirely and moving to the Grey Havens, or as you call it, Orange County. Our children will go to private schools." Frodo said nothing. He was overcome with all that he had heard. "Did you know, Frodo, that although there are over 700 dispensaries in Middle Earth, over 80% are concentrated in areas where the median income is over 500 gold pieces a month? In the same places where Men used to drive through and buy weed illegally, banks now refuse to invest in weed entrepreneurship, and so the inhabitants of these places continue to have access to illegal marijuana only, and continue to be arrested? People are beginning to call these places 'weed deserts.' We were naive to think legalization would improve racial disparities in incarceration when the entire system is a product of white supremacy. Of course it would be the wealthy who would just get wealthier from legalization, while the poor continued to be crushed. Now Elves can smoke without fear of repercussions, while orcs, who don't even smoke weed, are sent to jail in the same numbers as always. The inequality is greater than ever before." "And all of this...is Sauron's fault?" Frodo asked. "Yeah, sure, whatever. Anyway, take a hit of this poo poo," Galadriel said, passing him the ancient vape. ---------------- |
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May 5, 2019 15:32
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As the Fellowship sat and told stories about times they'd gotten high, Frodo started to have an unpleasant feeling in his stomach. Sure, they were all laughing about the time Gandalf had eaten too many of Bjorn's Weed Honey Cakes and thought he was going to die, but was it really that funny? It must've been scary at the time. And they all laughed when Boromir had taken too big of a hit and coughed until he puked. What kind of degenerates would do that? With all the turmoil going on in the world, didn't they need to keep their wits around them? Underneath their jolly tale-telling, Frodo began to realize just how painfully sad they all were. The laughter wasn't genuine. It wasn't laughter from joy. It was an uncontrollable impulse, a desperate red-faced spasm of terror and loneliness. The ring began to grow warm in his pocket, and he excused himself from the campfire. ---------------- |
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May 5, 2019 17:34
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"I know it sounds stupid," sobbed Merry, "but I think I'm addicted. I think I'm addicted to weed." "It doesn't sound stupid," said Pippin quietly, but Merry didn't seem to hear him. "I know everyone will say, you can't be addicted to weed, Merry. They say it's not physically addictive, but then how come if I don't smoke I can't sleep? And the dreams I have, Pippin..." he trailed off. "I got you, Bro. I know how it is. I believe you." Pippin reached an arm around Merry's shoulder. Very quietly, Merry said, "...in those dreams, I start...remembering. I don't want to remember, Pippin. I can't handle it." "The world is hosed, Bro. It's hosed. You do what you got to do to survive. But don't ever forget, I love you. Ride or die, Merry. Ride or die." "Without the weed, I have bad dreams. But with the weed, it's like...my whole life is a dream, right? And it used to be a great dream, but now I'm getting burned out and I don't know where to turn, and when I try to tell the others, they laugh at me. They say I just need to smoke more." Merry frowned furiously. "Sometimes I wish you really could OD on weed. One last blaze and then oblivion. Feels like the whole world is headed that way." Pippin stood up. "We need to go chill with the Ents," he said. "They realized long ago that weed is a trap. It's no different from any other drug, Merry. And there's nothing shameful about needing medication, but when the medication stops working for you...We gotta find another way. The Ents will know. C'mon. Treebeard's seen a lot of poo poo. He'll know what to do." Merry looked at Pippin with deep gratitude, but then, as if a camera pulled back from the scene to show the surroundings, he realized that everything he'd said and everything he'd felt during the whole conversation had been said and felt through the fog of his marijuana high. The catharsis. The feeling of being loved and taken care of by a friend. Pippin's optimism. Was any of it authentic, or was it all just the THC? And if he thought he'd known true despair before, now a more powerful despair settled over him like a gigantic black dragon, digging its claws straight into his chest. "Maybe later," he mumbled. "I think I just want to sit here for a while, ok?" Pippin shot him a concerned look. "You sure, bro?" "Yeah." Merry forced a smile. "I'll be good, Pippin. I just need to chill for a while." "Ok..." Pippin got up. "You need anything, you let me know." "Sure. I'll see you later," Merry said. But he felt it was the worst lie he'd ever told in his whole life. He wasn't planning to be around later. This was goodbye. It was better for Pippin not to know it. [note: Gandalf appears at the last moment and gets Merry the help he needs] ---------------- |
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May 5, 2019 17:52
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"They say that Mary Jane was an Elf Maiden from the Second Age," Aragorn explained, as they listened to the music floating through the dark.
cda fucked around with this message at 19:05 on May 5, 2019 ---------------- |
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May 5, 2019 18:56
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Gandalf pulled the ring out of the fire and showed it to Frodo. Letters of flame had appeared on band. They said: Rule Number Uno, never let no one know How much dough you hold cause you know The cheddar breed jealousy 'specially If that man hosed up, get yo' rear end stuck up ---------------- |
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May 5, 2019 18:57
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"Where did Sauron come from?" Frodo asked. "He was once a Maiar. His name in Elvish was Mairon, meaning 'The Admirable One,'" responded Gandalf. "But then he began to smoke and everything went to poo poo." "But how could that be? Isn't weed a fun drug, that makes you mellow?" Frodo said. Gandalf's eyes flashed with anger. "I see corruption has come even to my beloved hobbits. No, Frodo. It is not a 'fun' drug. It is a gateway through which one glimpses the void. A Palantir into Nothingness. You ever seen Get Out?" "No, but I've heard of it." "It's like the Sunken Place, Frodo. You look at stoners, you see them with their vacant smiles, their laughs. You see them couch-locked. You think they're chill. But their souls are screaming, and their eyes are opened into another world of pain that they're powerless to express. You ever seen Hellraiser, Frodo?" Frodo shook his head, ashamed. "Sauron opened the Puzzle Box, Frodo. The Puzzle Box is weed. If you didn't have terrible taste in movies, you'd know what I was talking about right now." ---------------- |
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May 6, 2019 20:09
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"Think about it," Legolas said, as he stretched out his legs and passed the bowl to Gimli. "The balls. The testicles, right? They're essentially just labia. And you dick is exactly where the clit would be. It's just a big clit. The only difference is the pussy hole. So if you've ever eaten pussy, you've basically sucked a little dick. You've licked balls. Same difference." He ran his index finger along his taut bowstring. Surrounded by the dissipating smoke from his latest monster hit, Gimli considered. Maybe it was crazy . It was probably the buds. But the elf was beginning to make sense, and he didn't like it. Was Legolas coming on to him? Whenever they got high, things started getting... uncomfortable. He had to shut this down before he ended up doing something weird. "I've never eaten pussy" he said firmly. Too firmly. The elf laughed and stood, patting Gimli on the shoulder. His thin white fingers lingered there for just a moment. "Sure, buddy. Whatever you say." Gimli didn't know how to respond. What he'd said was true. But why? Why had her never eaten pussy? From inside his haze, a new, troubling set of answers began to take shape. |
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May 7, 2019 00:20
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With a mighty blow, Ethrelos slew the dragon. It was easy to do, because the dragon was unmotivated, due to smoking weed.
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May 7, 2019 20:47
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"Mr. Frodo, you've got to keep going and don't smoke marijuana. They say it's a fun drug, but look what it did to Gollum. It made him into a failson."
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May 7, 2019 20:48
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Android Blues posted:question about the rules: can an orc smoke weed in one of my jokes IF that orc has crohn's disease and is smoking it for the purposes of chronic pain relief? i want to make this joke, but i also want to honour the orc's truth. Sadly, persistent myths about orcs smoking weed are one of many reasons why orcs are both less likely to ask their doctor for a prescription in the first place, or to be given one when they ask. Other factors include a history of medical experimentation on orcs, a lack of cultural sensitivity on the part of healers, and the mistaken belief that orcs feel less pain. I don't think it would be likely that an orc would smoke weed, even for crohns, but if she or he did, she or he would almost certainly have acquired it illegally, so please remember to acknowledge the razor-wire undercurrent of paranoia that would accompany the orc's relief from crohn's symptoms ---------------- |
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May 9, 2019 15:33
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| # ¿ May 19, 2024 17:09 |
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Manifisto posted:*after an eternity of gritted teeth* Mods probate please |
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May 11, 2019 18:14
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