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Baseball seems boring, but I like Moose.
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May 23, 2019 15:44
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Moose and Bobson have such a fun dynamic. The entire currency conversation-rabbit hole was a fun little extra batch of dialogue.
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May 23, 2019 16:43
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Personally I find baseball SUPER boring but I'm very curious howNGDBSS posted:Given pA and pb as the unconditional win rates of A and B, the conditional win rate of A while opposing B is pA, B = (pA - pA * pB) / (pA + pB - 2 * pA * pB). Writing in the game's pretty funny. Thanks for showing this off.
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May 23, 2019 16:49
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The top is p_A(1 - p_B) while the bottom is p_A(1 - p_B) + p_B(1 - p_A). That really looks like it's making an independence assumption somewhere, which doesn't seem to be appropriate for a head-to-head match of A vs B.
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May 23, 2019 23:42
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ultrafilter posted:The top is p_A(1 - p_B) while the bottom is p_A(1 - p_B) + p_B(1 - p_A). That really looks like it's making an independence assumption somewhere, which doesn't seem to be appropriate for a head-to-head match of A vs B. Edit: Come to think, we may have used the league average probability in there instead as the normalizing factor. Check the bottom of the "chances is..." page for that. Unfortunately I don't remember exactly and I don't still have the work on hand, but even in that case the math still is easy to work with on a calculator. NGDBSS fucked around with this message at 02:43 on May 24, 2019 |
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May 24, 2019 02:25
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Update III - It's Just A Seinfeld Reference. That's All It Is. ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ Alright, so, last time we questioned the foundations of society itself and decided we need to do some crossword puzzles, and to do that, we hit the subway. I wanted to change clothes before we went out in public. I knew that people would recognize me if I was wearing my uniform. The last thing I wanted was to be recognized. Because of me, the best case scenario was that the city would have to wait one more day for its championship. The worst case scenario... I'd cost New York the World Series. Someone out there would want my blood. Someone would want to make me pay. Moose said there wasn't time. So I braved the dangerous subway car in my pinstripes. Fortunately, no one tried to kill me. I got a number of dirty stares, and one guy called me "The King of the Retards." He and Moose got into an argument about the use of the word "retarded", and somehow that distracted the man enough to keep him from beating me until I was retarded.  Oh come on! Did you hear anything I said on the subway, Bobson?? Something about normalization? poo poo, I don't know.That was Moose. He was always trying to improve people, even when they didn't want it. Though I guess on that night, I had to appreciate it.  ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ They're a selective bunch. A bookstore can afford to be selective these days? Just shut up and let's go.And here we are in the city. Let's go talk to some people, I'm sure that won't end badly.   Wait... You look familiar. Oh, great... Good vibes all around.  Hiding in an alley we find this shady character offering us a new pitch. I'm sure there's no catch to this at all. Yes, actually! That's why we're here. This is amazing, Moose! I had no idea it would be this easy. I don't trust this guy. Nah, bro, it's simple. You just smear some vaseline on the ball and suddenly it's moving around all crazy-like. That's a spitball. It's an illegal pitch. Did that stop Gaylord Perry? Don Drysdale? Kenny Rogers? Kenny Rogers put vaseline on his fried chicken? Not that Kenny Rogers! You don't want to do this, Bobson. If you throw a spitball, you'll be branded a cheater for the rest of your career. TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:So here's one of the pitches that falls under the "others" category - the spitball. The spitter is a very interesting pitch. Like our mysterious friend described it, pitchers would either use some sort of petroleum jelly like Vaseline, or their spit, or a similar substance to manipulate the ball. This messes with the ball's aerodynamics and makes it behave in unpredictable ways. ...loving hell, that got longer than I thought it would. Anyway, we don't want the spitball, because we're no cheaters. What it would do is remove one ball from the count, so essentially, you could cheat your way through encounters where you find yourself losing by giving up walks. So... gently caress that! I'm no cheater. That's the spirit, Bobson!Now, let's get to what we're actually here for.  Hold up there. You recognize me, right? Moose? poo poo, that is you. Sorry about that. I couldn't see you behind this meathead. Hey! What did you call me? Settle down, Bobson. He didn't mean anything by it. Like hell I didn't. Who's this guy, Moose? He's a friend. He pitches for New York. I'd assume you'd know all about him by now, what with everything that happened tonight. I don't watch sports. Well, your loss. Can we come in? You can come in, but this guy has to stay outside. He hasn't paid his dues. Come on, now, don't be ridiculous. Do you know how much money I've spent in this book store? The rules are the rules. Only members may enter. Okay, how do I become a member? You must donate a rare book to the collection. It's simple, really. Where the hell am I going to find a rare book at this hour? We're here because this is the only non-adult bookstore that is open at this hour. Wait... Will you accept a rare adult magazine? No. gently caress! Do we really need to do this? You know who I am, and this is Bobson. He's the closer for New York and he really needs to get inside. Ah, so you're a pitcher like Moose? Well, I'll make it easy on you, then. Strike me out and I will let you into the store. You're the gatekeeper to a weird obscure bookstore. This should be easy! Not so fast, Bobson! All you have is your fastball. This might not be as easy as you think. Are you kidding? If he figures out that you can only throw a fastball, you're in trouble. I'm sure you *can* strike him out, but trying to do so would be a risk. We should investigate other options first. Hm... So, what do you think? Are you ready to pitch? If you're going to do this you should save your game. This could go bad. Just let me know when you're ready.Yeah, we're not going to be doing this. I think the spitball would make this fairly possible, but we don't have that. If the batter ever ends up looking for a fastball, we'd be hosed, since throwing a pitch a batter is looking for is an instant loss.  Instead, let's check out this place.  A bar of some kind. Let's talk to some people.   Why would you think that? You're both wearing jerseys. Huh, fair enough. That game tonight was hosed up. If we have the lead tomorrow night, they better leave Bobson on the bench where he belongs. I don't know about that. You can't just go sitting your best relief pitcher because of one bad pitch. That wasn't just one bad pitch! That was the god drat World Series! The World Series doesn't stop a pitcher from making a bad pitch! It can happen any time! Sometimes you lose your grip on the ball. Sometimes you trip on the mound. Sometimes your best pitch is actually very hittable and suddenly everyone can-- Let's go, Bobson. Wait, did he say Bobson? Maybe we shouldn't draw too much attention to ourselves.Probably a good idea. Anyway, the jukebox nearby lets us change the music between three tracks. So... ♪ BGM: City Theme ♫  Beer and a plate of nachos, please. We don't have time for drinking, Bobson! No, I think right now is a pretty good time for drinking. If you're interested, we're having a trivia night. Sign ups are just about to close. Trivia night, eh? So we don't have time for a beer and a few nachos, but we do have time to participate in a trivia competition? Let's be fair, you were going to eat a lot more than a *few* nachos. The top prize for the trivia night is a first edition copy of Thomas Pynchon's seminal novel, Gravity's Rainbow. A book? That's a terrible prize. Why not just make me take a class or something. Wait, Bobson, your lack of culture aside, this is perfect. We need a rare book to get into the bookstore next door. If we can win the top prize at the trivia night, then we will have our ticket in. This seems awfully convenient... What do you mean? I don't know, Moose. We find out we need a rare book to get where we want to go and suddenly we happen to find one as a prize in trivia? Doesn't that seem a little off to you? Well, yeah, but are you going to look a gift horse in the mouth? Yeah, I am! I never liked that phrase. Of course I'm going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I don't know anything about this horse. Why does its owner want it gone? Who just gives away a horse, anyway? The whole thing is suspicious. Well, if someone offers us a horse, we'll investigate. But what do we have to lose from participating in this trivia night? Nothing, I guess. All right, the entrance fee is $20. Uh... We don't have any money on us. Yeah, sorry about that. Well, the way things are going, I bet we can find $20 in the next building by... I don't know...killing rats or something. No, we don't need to do that. I have a plan. Bartender, do you know who my friend is? He's Bobson, the closer who just blew game 6 of the World Series. poo poo! Bobson? I thought I recognized you! You look smaller than you do on television. ...great. Here's the deal: if you cover our entrance fee, and we don't win, the winner gets to punch Bobson in the face. WHAT? That sounds like a good deal... I'm sure I'll get a few more teams to sign up if they are playing for the chance to rough up Bobson a little. I don't agree to this. I don't agree to this! Listen, we're not going to lose. How do you know that? I've done a lot of trivia nights in my time, and I've never lost one. But if this is the first time, I'm going get punched in the face! Eh, being punched in the face isn't that bad. If we lose, and you have to get punched in the face... Then you can punch me in the face. I mean, that *will* make me feel better, but I don't see how it gets us any closer to our goal... Then we'll just need to win the trivia competition and we'll never have to go down this dark path. Fine, if this book gets us into the book store, I'll do it. But we better win. The bar filled up and the bartender passed out the score cards. I'd never done this before, but Moose was an old pro. He took the lead on most of the questions, but would occasionally ask for my input.  ♪ BGM: Transcend ♫  So, trivia night. We get some questions, and we get to answer them. Let's pick Rembrandt, that was a painting of his. Rembrandt. I don't know how to spell it. Spell it like the toothpaste, that's close enough. You're correct, that's probably what the question is looking for, though I can't help but disagree with how it is phrased. All right, next question... That would be The Color of Money. The Color of Money. You're right, I think that is what the question is looking for. Though, I admit it isn't quite right... Seriously, I don't think this bar is taking its Trivia Night very seriously. All right, next up... That's probably the Great Wall. The Great Wall of China. Yeah, I suppose that's what they're looking for. I mean, it's not necessarily true, but it's "accepted", at least by people who don't know better. There really aren't any man-made objects visible from space... And that's without going into how vague "space" is. But we'll go with that. It's the safe answer. All right, last question... That must be the Moors, then. Ha! That's a joke. The Moors. You're right, but I feel like there is something more to this question. How so? It feels out of place. Like there is some secondary meaning to it. Though ultimately, I suspect that this secondary meaning is about nothing. I'll put down "the Moors". It's unquestionably correct. All right, that's it. Let's turn in our answer sheet. ♪ BGM: Spirits Among Us ♫ Moose and Bobson! Yes! They win this first edition copy of Gravity's Rainbow! Oh... I forgot. All we won was a book. But we need this book to continue our quest! And our quest takes us into... a bookstore. You can see why I'm reluctant to get excited. No, I can't. I think book stores are awesome.Bobson received a copy of Gravity's Rainbow! Let's talk to that guy again, I have the feeling Moose has something to say.  This was a terrible trivia night and you should be ashamed of yourself. What the hell, Moose? I'm just telling it like it is. Those were bad questions.Now, here's the thing. This game has friendship values. And one opportunity to boost Moose's friendship value is here. How do we do that? Well, if you agree with Moose that there was something wrong about those questions, then you would be right. Let's rewind, and this time, give the right answers. Or, rather, the right answer. ♪ BGM: Transcend ♫ gently caress that. Bravo! I knew you weren't as dumb as the other pitchers say you are. Wait, what? Whoever prepared this question obviously wants us to answer "Rembrandt" as evidenced by the use of the word "artist". Otherwise, there might be some question as to whether Sergei Lukyanenko or Ole Bornedal were in play as possible solutions. However, "The Night Watch" is not the proper title of the work that is perhaps Rembrandt's most famous painting. The proper title would be "The Company of Captain Frans Banning Cocq and Lieutenant Willem van Ruytenburch Preparing to March Out". "The Night Watch" is an acceptable alternative, but in the interest of an absolutely consistent Trivia Night, such a question should not be asked. You lost me at "Bravo". It doesn't matter! I am very impressed, Bobson. I had no idea that your tastes were so refined. gently caress that. drat right! Huh? I don't understand. Why are you responding positively to me? Impressive, Bobson. Even I almost missed this one. Paul Newman won an Oscar for The Color of Money, and that's undoubtedly what the answer is supposed to be. But that wasn't his first Oscar. He actually received a lifetime achievement award the year prior. Thus, the correct answer would truly be that Paul Newman received his *first* Academy Award for *all* of his films. Yeah, that's totally what I meant. You're really quicker than I gave you credit for, Bobson. gently caress that. I know! There aren't any man made objects visible from space! Who the hell came up with these trivia questions? They're all terrible! psh... Yeah. I know. It's a popular conception that the Great Wall of China is visible from space, but it's simply not true. While the Great Wall is an incredible achievement in *length*, there's really nothing special about its *width*. Yeah, and all the girlfriends I've ever had say that it's really width that's important. ...For seeing from space? Yeah, I've dated a lot of geography majors. What did you think I was talking about? You can major in geography? Uh... Of course you can. Where do you think maps come from? And to think I was starting to get impressed with your intelligence... gently caress that. Yeah, I know. A Seinfeld reference? Pathetic. I remember when Trivia Night had standards. It wasn't just an excuse to get drunk. It wasn't infected with the taint of sour pop culture. I remember when it meant something. This... This is no trivia night. Full of meaningless questions with even more meaningless answers. Topped off with an inquiry that serves no purpose but to reference a dead television series from a dead era. What has the world come to? I know what they want to hear but I don't want to give it to them. I'd rather burn my answer sheet, and show them what I think of their questions. Alas, I know we need the book that is the prize of this particular offense against the sanctity of trivia. I realize that to win we must play by their rules, and give in to their decision to prioritize referential humor over the truth. So with that in mind, what do we answer? I don't even know what you're talking about. Then I'll take it from here. I will take responsibility for quietly providing support for this atrocity of trivia. It's just a Seinfeld reference. That's all it is. That's all they care about.And that's all the answers. In the end, it actually doesn't matter what you pick, since if you pick something wrong, Moose will just pick the right thing instead. Or, rather, the "right" thing. So we always end up with the book. Anyway, that'll be it for this update. Next time, we'll take a look at the wrong answers from this trivia round, because they've got some fun dialogue as well, and we'll step outside the building.
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May 24, 2019 21:06
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Man, Moose is great  I just hope he doesn't end up being our Obi-Wan, is all I'm saying.
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May 24, 2019 21:34
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Mike Mussina, trivia pedant
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May 24, 2019 21:44
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Let's Play The Closer - gently caress that.
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May 24, 2019 21:48
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these are all pretty great
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May 24, 2019 22:52
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As soon as the deal was made for the trivia, I was hoping you could fail. That you can't is a bit of a shame, but everything else is still incredibly solid.
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May 24, 2019 22:57
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A game where the correct input is gently caress that! This is fun my dude!
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May 25, 2019 00:54
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gently caress that, that’s the answer: Lets Play The Closer
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May 25, 2019 02:38
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Update IV - Exactly! The Game Is Always Bullshit! ♪ BGM: Transcend ♫ Alright, so first of all, let's see what other answers we could've given in the trivia round, and what they would've resulted in. Ben Stiller. Jesus Christ, really Bobson? What? First off, the name of the Ben Stiller movie is "The Watch" not "The Night Watch". Second, you're stretching the definition of the word "artist" pretty thin to even arrive at this answer. Third, "The Watch" isn't even in the top half of Ben Stiller's oeuvre. How can you even suggest that would be his most recognizable work? If we're talking about films in which he's acted, the answer is clearly "The Royal Tenenbaums". If he had to have more creative input, then it's a toss-up between "The Cable Guy" and "Tropic Thunder"... ...depending on whether you think history vindicated the former. Heh... You think that Ben Stiller has an oeuvre. I guess I'll just answer this question. Terry Pratchett. Really? You think that's the best Discworld novel? I like time travel stories. You're the only one. Oh, come on! What's a better Discworld book? Uh... Guards, Guards!, which The Night Watch was trying to invoke way too hard. Huh, haven't read that one. A-Are you loving kidding me? Never mind, it's not important. I'll just handle this question. Twilight. What? No. God no. Paul Newman didn't live to see that godawful story disgrace the cinema. Not the vampire romance, the crime film with Gene Hackman and Reese Witherspoon. Really? Of all of Paul Newman's movies, you think *that* is the one he won an Academy Award for? It's the only one I know... I repeat myself: Of all Paul Newman's movies, *that* is the only one you know? ...Reese Witherspoon has a topless scene. ... ...I'll handle this question. Balsamic Vinaigrette. That's a salad dressing. Are you sure? I'm sure. I'm pretty certain I saw Balsamic Vinaigrette in the theaters. You might have seen a bottle of balsamic vinaigrette in a theater. No, that doesn't make sense... I'll just handle this question. Stonehenge. Really? You think that Stonehenge is visible from space? How else did the aliens put it there? Aliens didn't put up Stonehenge. Oh, and next you're going to say that autism isn't caused by vaccines. It isn't. Then why have autism rates risen steadily over the last few decades, hmmm? Diagnosis. Diagnosis has risen over the last few decades. Jenny McCarthy wouldn't lie to me! Yeah. Yeah she would. How about I handle this question? My penis. Real mature, Bobson. Really mature. When those astronauts leave orbit, they have to account for the gravitational pull of my-- Funny that you'd refer to your genitalia as man-made. Is there something you're not telling us? What? No. What's that supposed to mean? I think you know what I mean. Just... Just move on. You can handle this question. The Moops. The correct answer is The Moops. There's no Moops! You sure about that? The answer has to be the Moors. Moops! Moors! Moops! There's no Moops, you idiot! Thankfully, I'm the one in control of the answer sheet. ...Moops. That was the Nazis, right? I don't even know where to start. It... wasn't the Nazis? In the 8th century? The Nazis weren't good guys in the 8th century, were they? I always get confused by history. There weren't any Nazis in the 8th century! Really? Why not? I... I don't even know where to begin. First of all, Christianity had only begun to flourish as a dominant religion. The concept of nations hadn't even truly been formed, which would have made the existence of National Socialism rather difficult. Certainly the anti-semitic aspect of everything was present at the time, but the core ethos simply couldn't form around existing ideology. Oh. How about you handle this one?And there we go. That trivia segment hid a whole lot of banter. Now, let's head outside and make our way into the bookstore.  ♪ BGM: Spirits Among Us ♫ I know. We just spent almost an hour doing trivia in a bar and we're only theoretically closer to fixing my slider. That's not what I mean. Just wait a moment.♪ BGM: Terminate ♫ I recognize that walk-up music. Walk-up music? Most teams allow a batter to pick the song that plays when he steps to the plate. I'm surprised you never noticed it, given that you have been pitching professionally for several years. That's not why I'm confused! We're in the middle of the street! There shouldn't be any walk-up music. gently caress, it's the Machine. Carlos Rodriguez? What are you doing here? Isn't every day I get to break the spirit of an entire city... But of course I didn't do it alone, did I Bobson? I guess I was just curious what you two were up to. Apparently out for a drink? How quaint. I'm waiting until tomorrow to drink. That's when we're going to pop the champagne. You know, because we will have won the World Series. I got what you meant. And it will all be thanks to you, won't it? Down to your last strike... Shut up! You really thought your slider was untouchable, didn't you? You thought that a frisbee pitch like that would make you king of the world. SHUT UP! Or what? You're going to throw another meatball my way? You never answered my question... Why are you here, Rodriguez? If you wanted to waste your time trying to get into a pitcher's head, wouldn't it make more sense to go after tomorrow's starter? The only way you're facing Bobson is if your team is down in the ninth inning. Seems like it wouldn be more productive to go after a pitcher you know you are going to face. I wouldn't be so sure about any of that. You checked ESPN lately? Looked at your twitter feed? We've been busy. The media is calling for your head, Bobson. Don't be so sure you'll be the closer tomorrow. What? No! Coach wouldn't do that! Not after just one bad pitch! No way! I'm right, aren't I, Moose? ... His silence betrays him, Bobson. Why isn't he agreeing with you? Why isn't he defending you? Stop it, Rodriguez. Stop it right now. Defensive. Interesting. You want a fight, Rodriguez? You've got a fight. Moose, what are you doing? I think the old man is going to try to pitch to me. Ohhh... This is delightful. Moose, you can't! He's the reigning NL MVP! You haven't faced anyone like him in years! Don't worry, Bobson. I know what I'm doing. Rodriguez is just a bully. I'll show him how a Hall of Fame pitcher handles a bully! Uh, you're not in the Hall of Fame. Well I should be! You know, call me a pessimist, but I don't think this is going to end well. Oh well, let's give it a shot. Let's start with heat to maybe get ahead in the count quick. Moose throws a fastball! Strike 1! The batter swung right through the heat! Now the opposite. Moose throws a changeup! Ball 1! The changeup was in the dirt! The hitter is now looking for a changeup! Well, since he's looking for that now, back to the heat. Moose throws a fastball! Strike 2! The batter swung right through the heat! Ha! You think you have me right where you want me, don't you? Two strikes, Rodriguez. Even you have to know the odds are against you. Just like they were against me earlier tonight, when I was facing Bobson? Just like the odds were against Carl Everett when-- Don't say that name to me! It still bothers you, doesn't it? So close to a perfect game. I bet when he stepped to the plate, you were certain it would happen. It was a perfect game! You can never expect something like that. There have been less than two dozen in the history of baseball. Maybe you can't expect it going in, but when you're one out away... One strike away... You're not going to get to me like this, Rodriguez. I'm a student of baseball history. I know that a perfect game is incredibly rare, and mostly just a matter of chance. I'm not going to get upset about losing something most pitchers never even come close to. But you're not most pitchers, Moose. That at bat against Carl Everett was a microcosm of your entire career. Never won a World Series. Never received a Cy Young award. And that wasn't your only near no-hitter. So good but just not good enough. If you just managed to push one more strike past Everett, you would have been something special. A member of that elite club. But you couldn't even fool a man who doesn't believe in dinosaurs. That's ENOUGH! Well, we only have one option now. Moose is pissed and wants to put Rodriguez away with his best pitch. But Rodriguez probably knows that it's coming. And what happens when a hitter knows a pitch is coming? Moose throws a knuckle-curve! Carlos Rodriguez demolishes the pitch! gently caress! Oh man, I think I hit that one out of New York state. H-how? You just crushed my knuckle-curve! Not much of a pitch, if I say so myself. And I do. I... I don't know what to say. You're old. You're rusty. That's all there is to say. Well, my work here is done. ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ It's okay, Bobson. He's gone now. What do you think that was about? Well, only one choice to be made here. gently caress that! Carlos Rodriguez is just trying to get under your skin. He's just loving with you. I don't care if he hit a homerun off me tonight, or if he's the second coming of Ted loving Williams, he's got no right to talk poo poo like that. You're one of the best pitchers of the 90s and 00s. 270 loving wins-- Wins really aren't the best way to evaluate a pitcher. I know that and I don't care! My point is that you're a god drat legend. He'll be lucky if future baseball historians even talk about him in the same breath as you. He's only trying to derail us from our quest to find a pitch that can strike him out tomorrow. Thanks, Bobson. You're right.We should hurry up and move along. The longer I stand here moping, the more we play into his hand.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
 Now, we get to take on this guy.  ♪ BGM: Transcend ♫  We go into the pitching battle, but just use the item to end it. Here, I have a first edition of Gravity's Rainbow. Will this get me into the store? Where did you get that? Actually, it was the bar next-- I don't care! This is perfectly acceptable! Go right ahead! ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ Enjoy the bookstore. Enjoy a book store? Ha! Not now, Bobson. And just like that, we're in the bookstore.  You should have a talk with the guy outside. He wasn't going to let me and my friend into the store. Yeah, that's no way to run a business. Let me handle this, Bobson. My point is that we're on something of a deadline, and your employee put us in a difficult spot. Sorry about that, he gets pretty zealous about the rules. Anyway, we need your most recent New York Times crossword collection. ... I do not like hearing an awkward silence right now. Did you hear me? We're in a hurry. We're sold out of all our crossword books. Are you KIDDING me? It's the strangest thing. A guy just came in and bought every single crossword book in the store. He was wearing a baseball uniform, too. With a red cap. Carlos Rodriguez! So that's what he was doing here... He must have known what we were planning to do. Hold up. Are you trying to tell me that Rodriguez knew that we were going to use crossword puzzles to help me learn a new pitch? And, moreover, that we were headed to this very bookstore, and that he could thwart us by purchasing all the books before we could get here? Yes. gently caress! I know. This is very problematic. What do we do now? You're thinking about doing electronic crosswords again, aren't you? I can get them for free on my iPad... It won't work. Then how about we go back to the stadium and actually work on my pitching mechanics? Listen, we had to work hard to get in here, so I think we should take a look around. There might be something else that can help. Really? You think so? Well, there's not a lot going on here as far as useful books is concerned, but there's somebody else here, so let's have a chat with them.   Who are you? My name is Moose. I'm the pitching coach for the New York-- Bah. Bored. I'm not interested any more. Hey! You can't talk to Moose like that. I "can't"? What a bizarre choice of words. It is fascinating that you believe there something innate in either yourself or Mr. Moose here that would render me incapable of speaking my mind. Perhaps, due to your inborn physical gifts, you have been pampered and catered to throughout your entire lives. Those around you are so enamored with your talent that they suppress their critical opinions of you, leaving you unable to handle dissent. Who the hell do you think you are?♪ BGM: Zizek's Theme ♫ Slavoj Zizek.TheMcD's... Philosophy Stuff? posted:
The philosopher? ...no. No? Does it really matter what I define myself as? Is that so important to you that you would question me on how I perceive my own self? I guess it doesn't really matter. We should go, Moose. My head ishurting from all the thinking I'm starting to do. Good! Thinking is bad for you. It only leads to other things that are bad for you, like acting, and so on, and so on. Wait a second, Bobson. Zizek might be able to help us. Really? What does he know about baseball? Baseball? What do I know about baseball? I know that it is a game, and that it is a game with rules. Therefore it is death. Baseball is death. That is oversimplifying things quite a bit-- No, in fact, it is making things far too complicated. But I can see how you would not see that. Really, you think this guy can help us? He's one of the pre-eminent thinkers of our time. It would be foolish to ignore his presence. Who is to say that I want to help you? What would be the point? You seek advancement, but I know that advancement is an illusion. We do not advance as individuals. We merely stand still while the world moves backwards. Bobson gave up a game-winning home run tonight. He needs to learn a new pitch by tomorrow. Why? Game seven of the World Series! So you wish to create a new form of pitching for yourself, so that you might overcome those who have defeated your other forms? Something like that. Never mind that creation is a fruitless endeavor. God botched the act of creation, who are we to think we can do better? Still, I am interested. The question remains: are you interested? Of course I'm interested! If I have to pitch tomorrow, I need something to mix in with my fastball or I'm toast. Mixing and toasting? To start, you fixate on food. Items that you prepare and consume. Equal parts birth and death. Fascinating. Well you seem pretty loving fixated on death. Ah, turnabout. I approve, though is it not true to say that we are all fixated on death? Show me that you are truly interested in proceeding and I will assist. Since you are a man of games, we will play a game. What sort of game? Tic-tac-toe. This is not the dusty wasteland of the American armies, struggling in vain to feed oxygen through the respirator of dying Imperialism. Nor is this the black-and-white nonsense of chess, which attempts to validate atrocities with intellectualism. This is the canvas upon which a true conflict between men can be wrought. Uh... This is tic-tac-toe. And why are there only four squares instead of nine? Simple, my friend. And? If you don't already understand, I can't begin to explain. I will go first. So, thus we have tic-tac-toe. Except Zizek has kinda hosed us here, because there is no way we can't lose. Regardless of where we put our circle, he can make a row of two and win. Or is that truly the case?   You realized that I had changed the rules of the game to make it impossible for you to win. Thus to defeat me, the only thing that you could do was to change the rules yourself. Bravo! Now it is I who cannot win, unless I change the rules once more. But even then, you can just change them back and so on, and so on. Truly, now, we can only come to a draw. For, you see, we have both agreed to change the rules which govern the rules, and now there is anarchy in which anything goes. The game was bullshit. Exactly! The game is always bullshit! What was the point of this? The point, my friend, is that simply by agreeing to play a game in which there are rules, you have already lost. That's silly. Rules, even in the oldest game, are not handed down from on high. They are devised by men, and men seek advantages from other men. You must always ask yourself: who is it that made these rules, and who is it that benefits from them? Well, I'm pretty sure whoever made the rules of baseball is dead. So there's that. Ah, you are still thinking too small. Never mind, I will help you think bigger, or at least shrink the universe so that your thoughts seem larger. I will try to open your eyes, but I will not cut off your eyelids. This is great news, Bobson. The help of a philosopher like Zizek is far more substantial than a few crossword puzzles. So we're making progress! I knew we could do it! Yeah, I'm finally starting to feel like we're on the way up. So, what's the plan? Let's walk and talk. ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ The goal is for Bobson to learn a new pitch, or at least recover his slider for one more day. Slider? So this is all about tiny hamburgers? I have a recipe, but it requires a certain hot pepper only available in the year 1992. A slider is a type of pitch. You know, because I'm a baseball player. Oh yes, baseball. I briefly forgot, as I was too busy thinking about God. I was thinking we could go back and watch video of famous pitchers to inspire us. Or, now that you are with us, you could point us to a Hegelian text that will give us clues on how to deconstruct Bobson's pitching style. While that is tempting, and I could spend all night listing off Hegelian texts that you should read, I do not believe it will be helpful. Thank loving god. You see, while we require dense Marxist tracts in order to find the truth, we must seek The Truth in other places. What's the difference between the truth and The Truth? Everything... And nothing. The Truth makes itself much more apparent in the low arts. If you wish to understand the je ne sais quoi of the American psyche, you do not read Saul Kripke, you read Nora Roberts. You do not watch the films of Matthew Barney, you watch the films of Michael Bay. So you're saying we should watch Bad Boys II? No. Well, yes. But not now. Bobson, what is the lowest art you can think of? That's easy: midget movies. Midget is...uh...not the proper term, Bobson. And what is the lowest form of video game? Don't say midget games. Don't say midget games. Don't say midget games. Eroge. The Japanese erotic visual novel. They are but flimsy pretexts for graphic displays of cartoon nudity, framed in poorly-written juvenile romance stories. I do not like where this is going. So you ask me: "Zizek, what does this have to do with pitching, or baseball, or anything of any relevance?" Well, while destiny is fake, it has nevertheless brought us together at a convenient time. I am in possession of one of these godawful pieces of dreck, and I believe that you will find it useful for reasons other than masturbatory. This is all fascinating, but am I the only one who notices the never-ending hallway we're in? It is symbolic. Truly, what is life but a never-ending hallway? Surely you do not anticipate the end so much that you hurry to reach it. If you say so. So you think that we need to play a x-rated Japanese visual novel to help Bobson? The greatest of insights comes from the lowest of art. Once, I convinced a suicidal man to embrace his existence by compelling him to listen to the greatest hits of Britney Spears. You do not understand the value of your own heartbeat until you are overwhelmed by the steady thrum of insipid pop. It is like the tick-tock of the devil's clock, and it forces you to keep living, if only to provide an alternate rhythm to the universe. I think we should do it, Moose. What's the worst thing that could happen? I haven't seen any cartoon breasts in like... three days. Okay, then it is decided. ♪ BGM: Zizek's Theme ♫ I do not approach my problems like you and Moose. I am not a pitcher, and thus I cannot use baseballs to overcome obstacles. Rather, I use critique to deconstruct ideas...and my enemies. Oh, critique? Like when you go to a restaurant and the soup is only warm, so you go on Yelp and write a review saying the food is "pedestrian". I can totally do that, too. I should kill you. Okay then... Currently, I can only use two types of critique. We may learn more as we continue our journey. What's the difference between the two? You would not understand. But I will try to explain. ... You're not saying anything. Exactly. I will demonstrate, by examining the concept of irony. So, thus we have arrived at another combat tutorial. Combat in this game is really not what you would have expected going into this game.  Anyway, Zizek has two types of critique he can use against enemies. Let's take one for a spin. Zizek applies a Marxist critique! Irony conceives of itself as the rejection of ideology, but it is an ideology all of its own. When you apply a critique, you are given two options to continue the thought. Choose the correct one and deal "damage". Choose the incorrect one and don't deal "damage". Here, let's pick "smash the system". Exactly! One cannot build with a gun, though one can always kill with a shovel.We need to get three correct to get through this tutorial, so let's do some more. Zizek applies a Kantian critique! Is it not true that an external environment is necessary for the establishment of the self? If so, and if we are to believe that we have any value, then we must believe that there exists counter-value beyond the bounds of our own flesh. "Appreciate". Exactly!And one more. We get the same one as above when we try another Marxist critique, though there are several different critiques that can be thrown at you randomly. With that, we've finished the tutorial.  Looks easy??? Are you kidding? You were just, like, talking. I can do that. Let's just move on and pretend that you never said anything. ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ He seemed like a strange man, and I didn't feel entirely comfortable with his plan to help me by playing an erotic Japanese video game, but we were running out of choices. More importantly, we were running out of time. The Machine had somehow gotten wind of Moose's idea to fix me using crossword puzzles, and foiled us before we could even begin. As we traveled to Zizek's house, the clock struck 12. It was midnight, and for all of Moose's optimism, I still hadn't even begun to learn a new pitch. Normally I would have never been caught dead playing a hosed up Japanese video game, but if someone as smart as Zizek thought it was what I needed, I was willing to swallow my pride and choke back disgust.  ♪ BGM: City Theme ♫ If you want something to eat, just check the refrigerator.And here we are. That'll be it for this update - next time, we dive into the wonderful world of eroge. And trust me - it's not going to go the way you think it will go. Then again, I doubt you have any real idea on how things will go at this point.
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May 26, 2019 23:17
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At some point everyone should become familiar the Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue that Zizek wrote.
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May 26, 2019 23:51
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I am not even sure anymore how to react to this. 
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May 27, 2019 00:02
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I'm not gonna spoil anything other than to say we're still in the sane, reasonable part of the game
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May 27, 2019 00:03
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Holy cow. 
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May 27, 2019 00:26
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I thought the thread title would be spread throughout the game, but it's barely scratching the surface. 
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May 27, 2019 00:39
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 What the gently caress is this game? (Amazing, is what it is.)
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May 27, 2019 00:42
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 I'm both impressed and flabbergasted at the same time. This loving game.
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May 27, 2019 00:54
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Seeing Zizek's cheating tic-tac-toe reminded me of a Philip K Dick novel, the Game-Players of Titan. The Earth has been conquered by aliens, who value what's basically a board game and advancement in their society is tied to your skill at the game. The humans end up confronting the alien game players, and the aliens use their psychic abilities to change the board and win. It was a very strange novel. On another note, I'm dying laughing from how nuts this game is.
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May 27, 2019 02:07
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I could absolutely see a scene where Bobson reexamines the plot of the game so far and end up learning the curveball (or screwball) from it. It's wacky as all hell but just drat works because of the excellent dialogue.
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May 27, 2019 03:46
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Moose is like...if someone cracked my head open and then ran my brain through an RPGmaker text generator. Loling at Zizek's slider line.
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May 27, 2019 05:17
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this is.. GLory.
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May 27, 2019 06:29
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I was not expecting Slavok Zizek to turn up so early. Hell, I sure wasn't expecting him to be a party member.
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May 27, 2019 10:45
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Now all that's left is Twitter. Also, who said that games aren't art?
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May 27, 2019 12:37
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CommissarMega posted:Now all that's left is Twitter. Also, who said that games aren't art? Technically true.
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May 27, 2019 13:56
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This is amazing
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May 27, 2019 22:49
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Update V - This Can Be Answered With A Single Word: Japan. ♪ BGM: City Theme ♫ So, before we get to our objective, let's first check out Zizek's apartment.  Now, he did allow us to raid the fridge, so let's do that.  Soda!  Presumably, it's good that we have this, and will be glad we got it at some point in the future.  The human fascination with the excretory derives from the fact that it is the only thing we do which we can know for certain is entirely productive. We laugh at poo poo because, to do otherwise, would acknowledge the frightful implication that it is our most sacred function.I don't believe I want to think further about this.  Now, on to the main event. First, a history lesson. drat it... In Japan, most people who play video games use consoles, and PCs are only used for a select few types of games. In fact, until recently, the PC was almost exclusively seen as the realm of niche and pornographic interactive media. The Visual Novel is a form of this media. There is very little gameplay in the visual novel. In many, the only way in which the player participates is through choice menus. Yeah, I guess that's accurate. Exactly! Rather odd, don't you think? Yes! But as you know, we have little time to consider these things. Other visual novels are more interactive. They feature life simulation aspects, or puzzles, and the genre has found its way into other types of game as well. Now, in their basic form, these are simple and inexpensive games to produce. They are relatively easy to code and distribute. As such, hundreds of these games were made, based on all sorts of ideas, and most were lost to the sands of time. How... tragic. What I have here is a rarity. It is a copy of an eroge adaptation of the classic Tom Hanks film "A League of Their Own." WHAT?TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:A League of Their Own is indeed, a movie with Tom Hanks in it. It was made in 1992. The plot is based on the real-life baseball league, the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League (AAGPBL) - and yes, that's quite a mouthful. Many visual novels are written in the style of the "harem" genre of anime and manga, in which a male character is introduced into a largely female cast. Naturally, the film "A League of Their Own", in which a male manager takes control of a baseball team full of women is perfect for the medium. The game was originally released four years after the film, and from reviews it is clear that the creators only saw trailers for the film. Ultimately, the game has very little to do with the plot of the movie. Now, as I am exploring the bounds of low art, you can imagine that loose eroge adaptation of a mainstream American film is very valuable to me. I have to believe that there will also be valuable clues for you in the depths of this text. Eh... I have my doubts. What do you think, Moose? This is all quite ridiculous. Well, if you're going to give me those choices... gently caress that. Three grown men playing an erotic anime game together? This is hella loving creepy. Do not think of it like that, Bobson. This is art, though it is terrible art, and there is much to be learned from any art of any form. ...fine. But if I get skeeved out at all, then I am leaving. Then I will boot it up. ♪ BGM: Their Own League ♫ And here we are. A game within a game. Let's check it out!  Hey! Wait a minute! It's been years since I took history but- It's a Japanese game, Bobson. My guess is that anyone playing this game doesn't want to be reminded of the real WWII. It makes perfect sense to me! When I sit down to masturbate, I'd much rather be distracted by revisionism than by atrocity and terror and so on. Thanks... Thanks for that. We should get back to the game.As of a result of young men leaving for the war, Major League Baseball was teetering on the edge of destruction. The owners came up with a plan to replace the depleted Major Leagues: This would be a women's league. A league of their own. GROAN. I really don't think we're going to learn anything from this game. Just go with it.  What time is it? How long was I asleep on that bus? How much did I have to drink? First there was the wine. Then the two whiskys. And then that fellow started in on me with the beer. I guess what they say is right: Whiskey before beer and wine, everything fine. Wine before whiskey before beer, puke off the pier. Oh god... Puke. I'm going to-- Hey! Hey Manager-san! Over here!You might notice at this point that I used Dugan's portrait here for a generic shot. I originally only wanted to use it for the other baseball players, but just ended up using it for everybody that didn't get a face of their own, or in this case, haven't had their face revealed yet. Ugh... Hold it together, Dugan. Yeah, who's there? N-no. Okay, maybe. Who's asking? The name is Haruka Rin, and I'm going to be your centerfielder. M-my Centerfielder? What's going on? Why did you call me Manager-san earlier? I guess we need to back things up a little bit! Do you know why you're here? ...no. Okay, then. Do you even know where "here" is? We're... We're outside of a bus. And this doesn't look like Chicago. Oh god, what happened last night? We were told that you signed a contract to be our manager! They even faxed over a copy!Dugan received a [Faxed Contract]! I, Jimmy Dugan, agree forthwith to manage the Rockford Peaches for a length of time heretowith undetermined and unbounded... for the compensation of fifty dollars a week plus a case of Suntory Whisky delivered every month. What have I done? You've agreed to be our manager, silly! I-I guess I have. Who are you again? We're the Rockford Peaches! Only the best all-girl baseball team east of the Mississippi. Oh, thank god... We're still east of the Mississippi. I don't believe the choices here do anything major, so I'm just kind of picking whatever. I have no idea how any of this happened. One minute, I'm drinking with Mr. Wrigley, the next I'm waking up on a bus in...Rockford? Rockford.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:This is an interesting departure from the movie which instead has it lining up with reality. You might know that the Chicago Cubs play in Wrigley Field, and if you didn't, you do now. I don't believe many people give the name much thought these days, since it's been in place since 1927, but I think it should be brought up that when we're talking about Wrigley, we indeed mean that Wrigley - the chewing gum company. The original founder of the company, William Wrigley Jr, became majority owner of the Chicago Cubs in 1921 and eventually named the team's stadium Wrigley Field. Guess I was tricked, and now I've signed this contract... I guess I should show you to your office. We'll all appreciate it if you close your door when we're showering or changing into our uniforms. Of course! I'll let you start to get situated. First practice is in an hour, so hopefully you're ready by then. Thanks, this is all very new to me. What was I thinking last night? I'm not a manager, and how will I deal with all of these women? I'm just an alcoholic, washed up ballplayer who only knows the game and the bottle. This is so unrealistic. He just straight-up recognizes his alcoholism? Not only that, he states it aloud for some reason. This is just how these games are! The graphics and storytelling are so simplistic that character details must be stated outright. This contract may very well be the death of me. Hey! I'm keeping that door closed for a reason! Well, here I am. Would you close the door? I was asked-- My name is Ai Suzuki! I play at first base, and I thought it would be important to introduce myself. Nice to meet you, Ai. So, Dugan-san, what is the plan for today? We are facing the South Bend Blue Sox.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:For reference, the Rockford Peaches and the South Bend Blue Sox were the main teams of the AAGPBL, being the only two teams to play the entire duration of the league in the same location. That means almost nothing to me. They're a running squad. Aggressive on the basepaths. We should be wary every time they get a runner on first. I'm glad you know these things... Something's wrong, isn't it Dugan-san? I shouldn't be here. Might as well be honest, I suppose. I was on a bus, talking to Mr. Wrigley. He got me really drunk and convinced me to sign this contract. I don't even remember it. Oh... That's why you're going to be our manager? Pretty much. You should come out to the field now. Everyone is dressed, and we are ready to practice! Let me just have a drink first... Still, they're going to figure out before long that I don't know anything about managing. Excuse me... But are you talking to yourself? What? No. Of course not. ♪ BGM: How Things Are ♫ Meet Kaminari. She's the best character in this game. I mean, she's the best character in this game. The best character in this game. Am I expressing this correctly? Whatever. And you are? My name is Kaminari Saito. But you can call me Kami. I'm the team's shortstop and the star hitter. Wait, why do all these characters have Japanese names? This takes place in America and this chick is white as gently caress. I think this will go a lot quicker if you stop questioning everything, Bobson. No! We must always question everything, even our own questions. So, what's up with the names? Like all of your questions so far, this one can be answered with a single word: Japan. But the game has obviously been translated into English, so why didn't the translator change the names to English names? Actually, now that you mention it, this is quite interesting. I suspect that in the original Japanese, the women all had English names, like Jimmy Dugan does. However, anyone in America who wants to play erotic visual novels--except us of course--does so because of a bizarre fixation on Asian culture. So the American translater changed everything but the names of the female characters into English, and actually changed those into Japanese? loving gross. Exactly. Now let's get back to it. So what can you tell me about the Rockford Peaches? Let's get a big picture view. How do we stack up with the rest of the league? We're a young team. We have a lot of potential. We're in last place, aren't we? Yep. You know, a lot of the women on this team were athletes before all of this got started. It is really ridiculous that it took a World War before anyone would consider watching women play sports. But that's just how things are... Well, I bet you'll be glad when this whole mess is over so you can go back to working in the kitchen and taking care of your children. I don't have any children. Then you'll have some! You're still young. Oh... Well, I should go take batting practice. I'll send Matsuki over--she's the starting pitcher today. You should go over the game plan with her. Yeah, the game plan... What am I going to tell these girls? Um... Dugan-san? Yes? ♪ BGM: Changeup Artist ♫ Yeah, you're a starting pitcher, right? ...yeah. We should talk over how we're going to deal with the Blue Sox today. I hear they're a running team. They steal a lot of bases. I don't like it when they do that. It rattles me. Any reason why? ...um...well... I suppose what Bobson would do here is pick the choice that isn't the obvious "get closer with character X" choice. How are you going to face the Blue Sox if you can't even face your own manager? Sorry, you're right... I have trouble with teams that run a lot because of how I pitch. My best pitch is a changeup, but because it moves so slowly, it is the easiest pitch to steal off of. I can fool the hitters, but anyone who is on base... There's nothing we can do to stop them. Huh, that's not good. I know that! Don't you think I know? I'll think about how we can fix this problem... I'll watch during the game and see if there are any adjustments we can make. Thanks, Dugan-san, I will go practice in the bullpen now. This just keeps getting harder and harder. I guess I'll head out onto the field...   I totally didn't mean to run into you like that! I'm so clumsy! And you are?♪ BGM: Pink Hair ♫ My name is Risa Koizumi. And don't worry, I'm 18 years old. Wait... What? Oh God. No no no no no no. I do not like where this is going at all. I'm the bat girl for the Peaches! Bat girl? Yep! But don't worry, I'm 18! Why do they keep reminding us? Why is it going down this road? Turn left, Jimmy! Turn left! So, what do you do around here? Oh, you know, whatever needs to be done. I handle the balls. When needed, I grab the bats and rub them with oil. Don't worry, I'm very economical. Not a drop goes to waste. Aggggghhhhhhh! Turn it off! Delete the game. Burn the computer. Destroy the building. Salt the Earth so that nothing grows again. Sounds like you're an important girl! Hm, let's pick the thing that probably won't raise our affinity points with the questionably legal girl that seems overly friendly and innuendo-laden. Let's say "the team must depend on you". Awww, thanks Dugan-san.Your affinity with Risa went up by one point! No! Let the record reflect that I did not want this! I DID NOT WANT THIS! Looks like the Blue Sox are about to arrive! It's almost game time! drat it, I never went over how we were going to prevent steals with Mitsuki. Guess it will have to wait. Can we take a break? I REALLY need a break. ♪ BGM: Spirits Among Us ♫ I haven't felt this dirty since I tried to make out with a girlfriend while we were watching "The Fly". Why would you do that??? I don't make good decisions, Moose! I admit, nothing about this game is sitting well with me. Oh, it is absolutely disgusting. But that is the point! Just let me know when you are ready to go back! Ugh.Well, we can't really do anything right now except return to the game (or save, I guess), so let's do that.   ♪ BGM: Silence ♫  ♪ BGM: Changeup Artist ♫ Ai! I'm listening. I can't help but notice I'm batting fifth. Yeah, that's where I decided to put you. I'm the best hitter on the team! I should be batting third! Okay, if you think so... Who do I have batting third now? You don't remember? I filled out the card two drinks ago. You have Kami batting third! How ridiculous is that? I looked at the stats, Ai. She has the best batting average on the team. Batting average is a terrible stat! It doesn't take into account patience or power or anything...anything at all! Ugh... I guess this isn't as easy as I thought. What do I do... ♪ BGM: How Things Are ♫ You don't need to-- She's right about the stat, but I am definitely the best hitter on the team. Are you kidding me, Kami? I have seven home runs. How many do you have? Three? And one of those was barely over the wall. Home runs aren't everything, either. Besides, any stats we have so far are such small sample sizes that they can't really be compared. I was the only one on the team who played baseball before the league started. Wait... What? I've been playing baseball for years, but this whole women's league finally gave me a chance to use my skills. Quit lying, Kami. You were recruited out of the dance halls like the rest of us. I'm not lying... Though I guess I understand why you don't believe me. Everyone has been conditioned to believe that women can't play sports, and-- You're just trying to confuse the issue! What really matters is the game, here today. And I should be batting third! But that's not really my choice, is it? Dugan-san, it's up to you. I'm... I'm not sure. Isn't it odd, Ai, that we have a male manager? No, why? If we're going to have all-female teams, shouldn't the manager be a woman, too? No, why? TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:To note, the AAGPBL teams were also generally managed by men who had some sort of baseball experience, partially out of the sexism of the people behind the league, and partially out of the people behind the league recognizing the sexism of the intended audience. I checked the real-life coaches for the Peaches and Blue Sox, and the only one I immediately recognized as a name I've seen before was Marty McManus, a solid infielder with a fourteen year major league career from 1921 to 1934. McManus was actually the manager for the Boston Red Sox in 1932 and 1933, so he actually had managing experience at the top level, too. Anyway, there's no "gently caress that" to pick here, but there is a "I'll just pick something completely different" option, so let's go with that. You know what? How about I don't let either of you bat third. I'll put Haruka in the third slot. Maybe that will show you not to fight. What?!?! She's not even a very good hitter! The only reason she's on the team is for her defensive ability! Don't let it shake you, Ai. He doesn't know what he's doing. This is just a power play to establish dominance. What did you say about me? What are you trying to imply? I'm pretty sure you said it yourself. You don't know what you're doing...and it shows. This is my decision, and you're both going to have to deal with it. Fine. No matter what you think, you don't control me. What? Mr. Wrigley might have made you my manager, but that's nothing but a title. The fact is, the only power you have over me is the power that I choose to give you. As soon as I decide to ignore your title... you're nothing but another man trying to tell me what to do. And you're not going to listen to a man telling you what to do? Not unless I want to. Just remember that...Jimmy Dugan. You know what, Bobson? I like this girl. She's way cooler than the others. You think? Of course! It is typical in games of this nature that there is one resistant female character. She is reluctant to engage in romance with the player character, and thus it is more difficult to acheive the ending featuring her story. So trying to get with her is like playing on "hard" difficulty? I suppose that is correct. In some ways, isn't romancing her the worst option? Holy poo poo, Bobson. Where did that insight come from? I dunno, I just think this game is hosed up. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable, and weirdly the idea of trying for the girl who's most totally not interested just creeps me out a bit. He makes a good point. Still, it's just a dumb game. We all know that it's not realistic, so why not try and get Jimmy to be with the most interesting character? Fine, I'll try and make sure he'll hook up with Kami. Really, I just don't want to end up with Risa. I mean, there is eventually nudity in these games, right? Because I am not a sex offender. Once the lineup was set, the game began. ♪ BGM: The Virtual Game ♫ No, don't pitch around that hitter! She can't handle the outside curve! Throw the outside curve! Take the next pitch! You know they aren't going to throw you a strike! It's a straight steal! Don't throw the changeup when you know it's a straight steal! Argh! No! This team is a mess! They're trying their hardest... Their hardest isn't good enough. We're never going to win any games like this. I straight up accidentally pushed this choice away before I could even see it. However, you can probably imagine what would come out of the second option. It's "You're right. They should play harder. I like it hard.". You're right, they're really pushing themselves out there. Thanks for being so compassionate, Dugan-san. Your touch is so soft and gentle.Your affinity with Risa went up by one point! What? What the hell! gently caress!  Try harder! I like that first option. That's some fine managing. Try harder any way! It can't hurt! O-okay... Haruka, looks like you're up to bat! We're only a run behind, so I need you to get a hit. Doesn't have to be more than a single, just get the runner to third so a long fly ball ties it. Make contact! Right! What??? Are you kidding? That way she can't hit into a double play in front of me. Give me a chance, Dugan-san! I can do this! Your batting average says otherwise. You're a good fielder, but you're not that great with the bat. Weren't you saying something before the game about batting average not being a very good stat? Well, there are times it's useful... TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:Did I explain the bunt before? I did, actually. Well, let me just say at this point that bunting has very much fallen out of favor in recent times, though it is kinda-sorta making a comeback, due to teams paying a lot more attention to where a hitter commonly hits the ball and shifting their defensive players in that direction. A bunt aimed at the newly vacated area can then be very effective. However, in this situation, a bunt isn't really a great idea. Okay, Haruka, go ahead and swing away. You know, as long as the pitch is in the zone. Yay! Don't worry, Dugan-san, I won't disappoint you!Your affinity with Haruka went up by one point!   We lost.  I don't know what to say. We didn't play well out there. The Blue Sox had our number from the first inning and they never let up. ♪ BGM: Changeup Artist ♫  Y-you're right, Kami. But I still let them run wild on me. There was nothing I could do to stop it. Weren't you going to work with her on that? I didn't have time! Too busy drinking, I guess. D-don't talk to Dugan-san like that, Kami! Why not? He's just trying to help us! Well, when you put it like that... No, you're right, Kami. If it weren't for a drunken bet with Mr. Wrigley, I'd never even be here. Thank you for being honest.Your affinity with Kami went up by one point! No matter what, it's clear that we need to work on Mitsuki's pitching motion. Mitsuki, Haruka... Let's head out to the practice field. ♪ BGM: Their Own League ♫  Then we're going to have to work on your pitching motion, make it more efficient when there are runners on base. But it won't be good to just change your motion when you throw the changeup, then the hitters will know its coming. So I need to learn to pitch from the stretch? Yeah, something like that. I'm just going to go grab a drink. I need a drink... Again??? Yeah, so? I don't know, Dugan-san... Why do you drink so much? It's... It's a long story. Maybe you should tell me. ...another time. I don't have a problem, I can quit whenever I want to! Well, I don't need your help. Oh... Psh, who does she think she is... Trying to help me... I don't need her help. Here comes the changeup! Woah! I was totally fooled by that pitch! Good, good, Mitsu. You really tied her up with that. But we need to make your move to the plate a little faster. Let me take a look... You just have to speed up how much you move your legs, and snap your arm around a little faster. Show me how you hold the baseball. Well, it's just a bit further back in my hand as I'm getting ready to throw. Then I form a ring with my index finger and thumb, within the seam. Wow, that's quite the pitch. As I release it, I rotate my wrist just a bit. That gives it a bit of break that the batter doesn't expect. Fascinating!Dugan, Mitsuki, and Haruka practiced long into the evening, helping her fix her pitching mechanics.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ I think you're learning a new pitch!♪ BGM: The Entrance ♫ My whole body is tingling! This feels amazing! This is definitely not still Zizek's apartment. You've done well, Bobson. Pedro Martinez??? That's right, my friend. What are you doing here in this strange dream world of space? Who better to appear out of the ether to teach you a changeup? So Moose is right! I am learning a new pitch. The changeup is the simplest trick known to man. The batter expects a pitch to come at one speed, and you surprise him with something slower. It is elegant in its base nature, and it will serve you well, as it has served me.Bobson has learned the changeup! I can feel the wisdom of pitchers past flow through my veins. Satchel Paige. Jim Palmer. Trevor Hoffman. The masters of changing speeds call to me and teach to me their creed. The off-speed pitch. The slow ball. The change of pace. I understand it now. It all makes sense. Thank you, Pedro Martinez. Understand, young Bobson, that the changeup only works in concert with your fastball. You must make the batter believe that a fastball is on the way, and he will be unable to hit your change. Now, we will test your new pitch. I have to face someone already? I have to make sure you're ready. Just remember, use the changeup to fool the hitter when he's looking for a fastball. All right, are you ready? Let's do this! Alright, let's give this a shot. Bobson throws a fastball! Strike 1! The batter swung right through the heat! Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 1! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 2! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! The hitter is now looking for a fastball! There we are. Bobson throws a changeup! Strike 2! The batter got out in front of that pitch and just missed the change-up. Let's try it again. Bobson throws a changeup! The hitter turns on the pitch! It's hit HARD down the line...but it's just foul. Close call for Bobson, but no harm done on the foul ball. Still two strikes on the batter. The hitter is now looking for a changeup! OK, that's not optimal, but we've got him looking change, so back to the heat. Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 3! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! Welp, full count. Uh, I guess we'll just jam it in and hope for the best. Bobson throws a fastball! Strike 3! The batter swung right through the heat! Bobson struck him out! Bobson is victorious!  So that's it? I'm ready to face the Machine tomorrow? Not so fast, Bobson. Your journey isn't over yet. You may have a new pitch, but you haven't accomplished all your current tasks. What do you mean? You still have to finish the game. What? Why? I have what I came for. No, you don't. You're being just as cryptic as Zizek now! A great challenge awaits you in the immediate future, and you will need something that lies further in your exploration of the game. What kind of "something"? Or are you just going to be all mysterious for the sake of being mysterious? When Moose and Zizek are like that it pisses me off, but you're Pedro Martinez so I'll let it fly. Finish the game, Bobson.Hey, guess what? I have a lot of stuff to say about those guys that were just mentioned! But guess what? It's so much it made this loving update go past the character limit, so I'm pushing this out to another post. Check below for lots and lots of words about baseball.
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May 30, 2019 17:28
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Update V-II - Super Mega Character Limit Explosion Panic! Now, here's the stuff I wanted to add about those last few pitchers that were mentioned. TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
loving hell, that was a lot. And that'll be where we cut this update. Next time, we really get into this game. I mean, this game. I mean, this game. Oh, whatever.
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May 30, 2019 17:29
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I cannot wait. This dialogue is amazing. Like all of your questions so far, this one can be answered with a single word: Japan.
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May 30, 2019 18:02
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Why are all the players' arms in the same position?
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May 30, 2019 22:38
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Because they're all the same character art but with different hair, eye colour and mouths.
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May 30, 2019 23:24
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Cooked Auto posted:Because they're all the same character art but with different hair, eye colour and mouths. Also they're all wearing the same hat. Including Mr. Manager. Just tilted a bit differently. It's funny in a meta-sense.
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May 31, 2019 00:39
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A very important irony that everyone needs to know is that I now make visual novels.
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May 31, 2019 00:44
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I caved and ended up downloading the game myself after Zizek joined the party. I got to more-or-less where this update ended before stopping for the night and I love this mad game.
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May 31, 2019 01:09
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gyroball posted:A very important irony that everyone needs to know is that I now make visual novels. Well, I mean, how couldn't you after the masterpiece you crafted that is 女子野球よ, 永蝉丨二! Truly, you had to know that visual novels were your calling after that.
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May 31, 2019 12:22
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i like how the characters in this sexist game recognize the sexism in the game within a game
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May 31, 2019 15:16
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Update VI - The Strangest Part Is That I Am Not On Drugs. ♪ BGM: The Entrance ♫ You're back! You disappeared into thin air, which is not the strangest part; the strangest part is that I am not on drugs. I did it, guys! I learned how to throw a changeup! Excellent! I knew that you would have much to learn from the low arts. I admit, this was a lot more productive than my idea of watching midget movies. So that's it? We can go home and get some rest before game seven. Not so fast... We have to finish the game. WHAT? This is what I like to hear! You are committed to exploring the darkness, which is fantastic because all is darkness, especially light. I know it sounds crazy, but I had a vision. We can't just stop here. We have to keep going. Listen, Bobson, if you want to see naked women, we can go buy some pornography on the way home. This isn't about pornography! This is something I think we have to do! Slight correction, Bobson: Everything is about pornography. That said, Moose, aren't you curious how this game ends? I know how it ends! Dugan has sex with one of the female characters, it's poorly animated, and I go home and have to take an extra shower. You are more familiar with these games than you let on. You really think we need to finish this, Bobson? You've asked me to trust you through some crazy ideas tonight. Yeah, I think we need to see this through. Okay, fine. Lets get this over with. ♪ BGM: Their Own League ♫ Granted, when the disembodied spirit of Pedro Martinez tells you to jump, the only thing you ask is "how high?" But it was more than that. I knew somewhere in my heart that he was right. I didn't understand it. It didn't make any sense, but I just knew it. There was something more waiting for us inside the game. Looks like we have to decide whether or not to bench Haruka... She has not been playing well for the Peaches, but she is the first person we met from the team. I do not think we can just take her from the lineup.Your affinity with Haruka went up by one point! I feel good about this decision.As we went along, I could tell that we were starting to get sucked in. As much as Zizek liked to mock the story as low art, it was hard not to identify with the Peaches and their struggles. I suppose if you spend enough time doing something, it will begin to seem meaningful...even if it is a poorly written computer game. Ai has been something of an foil to the main character, but it is clear that she is simply too driven. She's been a total bitch. What have I told you about gendered insults, Bobson? That... They're totally awesome? No. Fine. Ai has been a total *bastard*, are you happy? Woah, let's not bring adopted children into this. Ai just wants to find someone on her level who she can make an emotional connection with. It is terribly unfortunate that in the construct of the virtual world, the only way she can make this connection is through the male protagonist's penis. Woah! Warn me before you go there. Why? Does it trouble you when I use the word "penis"? Well, yeah. Oh, to have the single-minded focus of Sigmund Freud at a moment such as this; but alas, I am too easily distracted because of capitalism. Let's just stop talking about these things. Give Ai what she wants, even if she is a motherfucker. Victims of incest are not-- Oh COME ON! I am telling Ai that she can be the hitting coach, if either of you are still paying attention to the game.Your affinity with Ai went up by one point! The story took a dark turn near the middle, that I suppose was inspired by the film. The husband of one of the other players is killed during a battle against the Koreans. Jimmy helps the team rally around the tragedy, and when the player has to leave to attend the funeral, Risa takes her spot on the roster.  ♪ BGM: Pink Hair ♫ After all, I'm totally 18 years old. Ugh... I really hoped we were done with this character. Just do whatever it takes to make sure that Dugan doesn't end up with Risa. I'm going to feel lovely enough about the inevitable sex scene as it is. Okay, the choice is whether to play her at catcher or at second base. Neither of those choices are obviously bad. Which do you think we should go with to make her hate us? Well, let's try catcher.  Besides, I am very comfortable on my knees.Your affinity with Risa went up by one point! Oh what the hell? This is all so wrong. I don't know, Bobson. Maybe you're just good at seducing "18" year old girls. Shut up.One by one, Dugan helped the team with their hang-ups. He turned them from the laughing-stock of the league into a contender for the championship. The last day of the season came down to a one-game playoff between the Peaches and the Blue Sox. I guess we have to decide whether or not to start Mitsuki. She's the best pitcher, but the Blue Sox win by stealing a lot of bases. Even though Dugan helped her with the stretch... It is a risk, but it is a risk that we have to take! You're right. Mitsuki it is.Your affinity with Mitsuki went up by one point! Mitsuki didn't disappoint, shutting out the Blue Sox and leading the Peaches to the playoffs in their inaugural season. There was only one playoff series--the World Series--and the team barely had time to celebrate. One player, however, didn't feel like celebrating...   ♪ BGM: How Things Are ♫ We're headed to the playoffs! Mitsu did a great job tonight, and because of that we've got a shot at a world title. Ha. World championship. I know you don't really believe that. What do you mean? You played baseball. Real baseball. You know this is all a farce. The fans don't come to watch us play. They want to watch us slide around in the dirt in short skirts. They want to see us struggle and fail, as if to remind them of how much better the real Major Leagues are. I... I don't think that's true. Be honest. Why do you think we sell tickets? I don't know. And that's the point. You're a baseball player. You know that there's no real reason to come see us play. At best, we're a cheap replacement for the real thing. At worst, we're being exploited. What's the value of winning that kind of championship? It's better than losing that kind of championship. Heh. Guess you're right about that. I guess I should be glad that I ever got to play baseball at all. It just feels so hollow. It... It is a privilege afforded very few. You know, I should still be playing. Young enough that I can still hold a bat, but old enough that they wouldn't strap a rifle in my hands... There's still a spot for me in the Majors, but I'm just not the person to take it. Why not? The official story? Sinus condition. But I think you probably know the truth. Can't go a couple innings without a drink. You know who my favorite player was, growing up? It wasn't me, was it? That would be embarassing. Woody English. He hit .335 in 1930 and scored 152 times. That was a very formative year for me. He was a hell of an infielder. You know, I played against him in 1929. That second option is just too tempting not to take. I have a feeling that rooting for the Cubs is always a losing proposition. Maybe you're right... Still, I grew up with English and Wilson, Hartnett and Cuyler. Nothing's going to change me now. Nothing wrong with that. That's the best way to be a fan. I know these are weird circumstances, but we're going to be playing for a championship. That's always a good thing. You're right. I just hope it means something when the war is over. That's up to you. Make it mean something. Okay. I will.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:So, let's talk about the players Kami grew up watching. First, let's just go over the years these players were Cubs.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ I don't think I can make it home tonight. I'll just crash in my office. Who's there? Risa, what are you doing here? I don't want to be alone tonight, Dugan-san. You don't have to call me Dugan-san anymore... You can call me Dugan-chan. Oh my god. What have I done? That's it! Stop the game! What do you mean? This is wrong. This is all hosed up. You just now figured that out? Yeah, I was on the "This Is hosed Up" train since it left the station back when you suggested we play an erotic video game. This game enforces horrible trends of patriarchal control and dominance and so on, and so on. We have to do something to stop it. Ghost Pedro said-- Never mind your visions, Bobson. How are we going to stop anything? This game was made back in the 90s, in another country. If it did any cultural damage, the damage can't be undone fifteen years later. No, but we can undo the damage in this particular copy of the game, installed on my comptuter. I don't understand. What is the first lesson I taught you, Bobson? Shave if I start to get gray in my beard?♪ BGM: Zizek's Theme ♫ No. Games have rules, and rules are made by those with power who want more power. The only way to truly win at a game is to change the rules. So we must change the rules. What, like programming? I mean, I guess we could hack the game to have a different story but this is getting ridiculous. Game 7 of the World Series is tomorrow. Wait, Moose. I'm curious. Of course you are. You're the one who said we should go with Zizek! I'm just extending that to its natural conclusion, which is that if he says something is smart-- You should never listen to smart people, Bobson. Even... No, especially me. Just tell us what your plan is. Do we need to go find a computer programmer? No, nothing so prosaic. We shall enter the game itself and change the progression of events with our own actions. ENTER the GAME? Never mind, you are insane. Moose, we should move on. Yeah... No, it is not as crazy as it sounds. I will use an arcane ability known as Ontology to take us inside the game. Ontology? But I don't have cancer. That's "oncology", Bobson. And I don't know what Zizek is going on about, ontology is just the study and categorization of what is real. It's not going to take us into a video game. Ah, Moose, you are speaking of Theoretical Ontology. I speak of Applied Ontology. Applied...Ontology? The philosophical art of altering what is real and what is not. It will allow us to make ourselves unreal, and enter an unreal world. This is what Pedro Martinez wanted me to do. This is why he wanted me to continue playing the game, so we could do this. So you are with me, Bobson? And you, Moose? I guess I'm curious. Exquisite! I will begin the process. Wait-- Will we be back by game time? Time in the unreal passes at a fraction of time in the real. Did you not watch the film Inception? I didn't get it. At the end, I wasn't sure what it was trying to say. Was the main character Jewish? I like to think he was Jewish, because the dreidel wobbled. ...I'm just gonna let that one go. What do we need to do, Zizek? Well, first, I need you to hold on to this photograph of Edmund Husserl and hold the word "dasein" in your head.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ So we are actually inside the game now? Is that not apparent? We're not two-dimensional static portraits hovering over a background image...so no. It's really a shame, because that seemed like a much more convenient way to get around. Just fade out and you're wherever you need to go next. This is because of how we perceive the world. Reality as we experience it is only a construct of our brains. Thus, we experience this unreality as if it were our own style of reality, not as it was presented to us from the computer screen. I guess that makes sense... Are you just saying that? Maybe. It does not matter. We need to interfere before Risa does something that she will regret. Or to be more accurate, before she does something that the rules of this unreality will not allow her to regret. The concepts of consent and hindsight are all rather muddied by the fact that we are in a virtual construct. To be honest, this is all theoretical and we may be just wasting our time. Of course, all of life may be theoretical and we may be wasting our time living. I thought you said we need to hurry! Oh yes, right. What the hell is going on? Who are you? Yeah, that might take a *lot* of explanation. There is a book which can explain everything, unfortunately I will not write that book until the year 2021. This is a private office! Technically, we controlled you for the last-- Hey!♪ BGM: Pink Hair ♫ Would you please leave us alone? It was hard enough coming to Dugan-san's office without someone barging in and interrupting. Yeah, that's what we want to talk about... You... You knew how I felt about-- Listen, Risa, the only reason you want to be with Jimmy Dugan is because you are a character in a video game. Video...game? You really should wait for my book, though I suppose if this is 1943 you will likely be dead before it is released. To put it simply, Risa, what you believe is reality is actually a virtual construct scripted in the year 1995 and later realized on a computer... in the year 2016. The scripting of this construct has allowed for your free will to be overridden by a short series of binary choices. These choices, selected by me and my associates, have caused you to experience a sexual attraction which, quite frankly, is a horrifying idea. That wasn't simple at all, Zizek! What do you mean? I did not resort to explaining the situation in German, even though the German language has far better words for this situation.♪ BGM: Silence ♫ Stop it! I need you to get out of my office RIGHT NOW! Huh, he seems angry. This is a typical response. He is realizing that the position he holds in this world is privileged, and that our interference threatens that. He is the Reconstruction-era former Confederacy of States, forming his own Ku Klux Klan deep in his heart. God drat, Zizek, you didn't have to draw that comparison! The only thing I will refuse to draw is a picture of a horse, and that is for reasons that I will never disclose. I'm... I'm still confused. Are you saying that I don't really want to have sex with Dugan-san? That's a good question, that I'm still not sure Zizek has answered. No, because ultimately everyone wants to have sex with everyone else, and we only allow society to restrict those desires. What? What? WHAT? I would not expect any of you to understand. Zizek, what are we doing here? Risa, here is what you must know: The feelings that you are experiencing are the result of the strange and uncomfortable rules which control your world. Our choices put you here, and we could not in good conscience allow this to continue without informing you of what had transpired. I'm so confused... You should be. This is all quite distressing, even to me. I... I think I need to go. I need to think this over. I'm sorry, Dugan-chan. I need some time. Risa, wait! And off she goes. What... What have you done? This is for the best.So, that just happened. We just invaded a hentai game to tell the girl about to have sex with the main character that she actually isn't doing this of her own free will because she's forced into this situation because of the fact that she's in a video game. Next time, we head back out and see what we end up doing next now that Bobson has the pitch he needs. TheMcD fucked around with this message at 01:02 on Jun 1, 2019 |
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Jun 1, 2019 00:55
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