 So, what's all this then? This is The Closer: Game of the Year Edition (The Closer for short from now on), a RPG Maker game released by Redbird Menace in 2015. It is a game about the trials and tribulations of a young rookie pitcher that was made the closer of his team and loses Game 6 of the World Series. As a result, he has to go on an epic quest to remake himself as a pitcher before Game 7. Furthermore, Slavoj Zizek, a hentai game, Twitter, and secret societies are involved, amongst other things. What? Yeah. It gets kinda nuts. Also, if the mention of the word "hentai" has your alarm bells ringing, don't worry, this game is clean. But I don't know anything about baseball! Relax. I'll try to help you out. The first update - update zero, as it were - will be dedicated to me trying to explain the basics of baseball. Furthermore, I will take opportunities during the gameplay to explain further things that become relevant so you know what the game is talking about. So, uh, what is this game, then? Well, it's basically a JRPG type game, as RPG Maker games tend to be. However, the battle system has been somewhat revamped. Furthermore, the gameplay in this game isn't the focus. This game is made by somebody who mainly considers themselves a writer, so that is very much where the focus lies, and what makes this game great. Honestly, the easiest way to get a feel for how the game operates is to just read the first proper update. Let's not gently caress about any longer, let's just get into the game! Update 0 - Talkin' Baseball Update I - After All, You're Comparing Me To Germany In World War II. Update II - Oh, Be Quiet. I'm Having Fun. Update III - It's Just A Seinfeld Reference. That's All It Is. Update IV - Exactly! The Game Is Always Bullshit! Update V - This Can Be Answered With A Single Word: Japan. Update V-II - Super Mega Character Limit Explosion Panic! Update VI - The Strangest Part Is That I Am Not On Drugs. Update VII - Ended Up Spending Almost Four Hours Singing Show Tunes. Update VIII - I'll Do Worse Than Just Hit Him! I'll Use Math! Update IX - We Freed The World Of Zizek's Strange Anime Game. Update X - Why Is Everyone Always Trying To Be Deep? Update XI - gently caress The Cultural Context! Update XII - Sometimes There Isn't An Answer. There Is Only Fear And Despair. Update XIII - Shut Up, You're A Blue Chicken. Update XIV - You Both Did An Excellent Job, Now Shut The gently caress Up. Update XV - I Am LOLing And SMDHing At The Same Time. Update XVI - Now I Consume Only The Finest, Organic, Locally-Sourced Japanese Eroge. Update XVII - Buddy, They Don't Even Let Me Have Proof. Update XVIII - It Is Just Like Noam Chomsky Once Said: We hosed Up. Update XIX - Sorry, But Those Are The loving Breaks. Update XX - Improbable Teleportation? Just Leave That To Me. TheMcD fucked around with this message at 20:28 on Jul 7, 2019 |
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May 18, 2019 14:51
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Update 0 - Talkin' Baseball ♪ BGM: Talkin' Baseball ♫ So, hey there, and welcome to this LP. This will be an LP about a game that is very much focused on baseball. As a result, I feel like it might be appropriate to at least go over the basics of the game, just for the simple reason that I can't imagine the cross-section of the LP audience and sports people is that large. So, if you know the basics of baseball, you can just move on to the first proper update. But for those of you that don't really know what baseball is, read on.  To start off, here's a view of a baseball stadium, or rather, a baseball park. Now, baseball is a game where two teams play against each other. The game is divided into innings, which are basically just sections of the entire game. The innings are each split in two as well, into the "top of the inning" and the "bottom of the inning". The teams take turns playing offense and defense in the innings - the home team plays defense in the top of the inning and offense at the bottom of the inning, the away team vice versa.  Here's how the team playing defense lines up on the field. You get three players manning the outfield on the left, center and right (hence the position names) and six players around the infield. The first and third basemen cover the corners of the infield, and the shortstop and second baseman cover the middle of the infield. But that doesn't mean anything if we don't know what actually happens during the game.  Though before we do that, here's another overview of the playfield. Take note of first, second and third base spread around the field, and the last base between the batter's boxes, which is home plate. We'll need those bases later.  So here's basically how the game works. The team playing offense doesn't have any fielders out there, instead, they start their part of the inning with only a batter standing in the batter's box close to the catcher. The pitcher of the defensive team stands on the mound in the middle and throws balls towards the catcher, who sits past the batter.  However, the pitcher can't just throw the ball anywhere. In order to make things fair, the pitcher should throw into a "strike zone", which goes from the midpoint of the top the batter's shoulders and the top of the batter's pants to a point just below the batter's kneecap. Now, the main part of the game is the pitcher throwing towards the catcher. The batter holds a bat and attempts to hit the ball. The pitcher, meanwhile, attempts to prevent the batter from hitting the ball. There's multiple things that can happen here: If the batter doesn't swing: - If the ball passes over home plate while in the strike zone and the catcher catches it, the batter is hit with a strike. - If the ball passes over home plate while outside of the strike zone and the catcher catches it, the batter is awarded a ball. - If the batter is hit with the ball, the batter is allowed to go to first base. The number of strikes and balls the batter has is called the count. So, for instance, if the batter has two balls and one strike, the count is said to be "two and one". Of course, you don't just keep getting strikes and balls forever. - If the batter gets three strikes, he is considered out (and is considered to have struck out) and leaves the batter's box. The next batter in the team's order then takes his place and tries his luck. If the batter however was the third out of the inning, the part of the inning is over, and we either go from the top to the bottom, or from the bottom to the top of the next inning. - If the batter gets four balls, he is given a walk and is allowed to go to first base. If a player is already on first, he advances to second. If there is also already someone on second, that someone moves to third. And if somebody is also already on third, he gets to go to home plate. If the batter swings: - If the batter does not hit the ball, it is a strike. See above for strikes and striking out. - If the batter does hit the ball and one of the defensive players catches it without the ball hitting the ground, the batter is out. - If the batter does hit the ball and it hits the ground past the foul line (refer to the above image of the playfield - the foul area is separated from the infield and outfield by the foul line), it is considered a foul ball. A foul ball gives the batter a strike, but he cannot strike out on a foul ball. So if the batter has two strikes and he keeps hitting foul balls, he can stay batting technically forever. - If the batter does hit the ball and it hits the ground in the infield or outfield, the ball is considered in play. We'll go over this later, because this is the important part. - If the batter does hit the ball and it goes past the outfield into the audience, it is considered a home run and the batter can automatically advance all the way to home plate. All other runners on base get to advance to home plate as well. Regardless of the swing: - If the ball is not put into play and the catcher cannot catch the ball, it is considered a wild pitch and runners on base can attempt to advance. Now, for the important part. If the ball is put in play: - The batter has to run for first base and touch it. If a defensive player gets the ball and touches first base before the batter does, the batter is out. - If the batter makes it to first base before the ball gets there, he has two options. He can either stop there (which is called a single), or try to make it to second base if the hit was particularly good and the defense is still trying to get to the ball. This would be called a double. Making it all the way to third on your batting turn is a triple, and making it all the way back to home plate is an inside-the-park home run. - If the batter stops, he is now a pure baserunner. He will attempt to continue to advance along the bases if the next batter puts the ball into play. - If any runner is touched with the ball while not touching any base, he is out. Finally, some additional things. If a runner reaches home plate safely, he scores a run. The batter that put the ball into play is credited with a run batted in (RBI). If a baserunner wishes to, he can start running to the next base while the pitcher throws the ball. If the batter does not put the ball into play, the catcher will attempt to throw the ball to the defensive player covering that base. If the runner makes it to the base first, he is considered to have stolen a base and can now stay on that base. If he gets touched with the ball beforehand, he is of course out. The game ends under the following circumstances: - If the home team leads in score by the end of the top of the ninth inning, the game is over and the home team wins (because it is already in the lead, it doesn't need to play on offense again). - If the score is not tied by the end of the bottom of the ninth inning, the game is over and the team in the lead wins. - If the score is tied by the end of the bottom of the ninth inning, the game continues and a tenth inning is played. The same criteria for winning then apply to the tenth inning, including the part about an extra inning being played if the score is tied at the end. This can lead to hell baseball, where the game is incapable of ending and just goes on forever. I think this should sum up the game somewhat. If somebody wants to add something, please, feel free. Furthermore, if you maybe want to watch a game of baseball to see it in full motion, you can probably just search Youtube for "MLB full game" and find stuff, but if you want a recommendation, you could check out this game. It's the final game of the 1952 World Series, which is basically the big championship series at the end of the season to decide the champion of the league. I like this video because it's very focused on the game, and the game goes faster. Alternatively, if you want something more modern, here's something for you, a 2018 regular season game. Also, as a final note, I will continue to explain more complex baseball concepts and historical facts and stories during the LP as they become relevant.
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May 18, 2019 14:51
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Update I - After All, You're Comparing Me To Germany In World War II. ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ Alright, let's get this show on the road.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫  We have our developer and publisher logos.  We also have our disclaimer, which is a bit different than usual.  And we get some standard RPG Maker controls, though one thing that is very appreciated by me as an RPG Maker 2000/2003 veteran is the run button. This is an RPG Maker XP game, and as such has some more abilities as your average RM2K/RM2K3 game.   New York leads the series 3-2, and the game 2-1. The starting pitcher went deep in this one, nearly finishing what he started. After retiring the first two batters in the ninth, he walked the next and out came the manager. No surprise there. You gotta think this one's almost ovah. The bad guys bring the lead run to the plate, but he ain't gonna be facing an easy task, no sir. One out away from the World Series trophy, it's no surprise who the manager turns to here. He's bringing in the closer.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:So, right off the bat, I have some things to explain. I will be interjecting these quotes into gameplay in order to explain either baseball people, historical moments, certain rules or other things to the less knowledgable parts of the audience. So if you know your stuff, you can probably skip these. Now, here, we have two things.  This boy is fantastic. He... He is amazing. He is... You can't remember his name, can you? ...No. You think he should be rookie of the year and you can't remember his name. This is why no one takes your analysis seriously. Well if you're so gosh darned smart, what is his name? And thus, we are given the opportunity to name our hero. Now, I will be leaving the proper name of The Closer up to you, the audience, but since I need a name to continue, well, when it comes to Yankees closers, there is really only one name.  There we go. TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
 Of course I watch baseball! What are we watching right now? Mo is one of the best young pitchers in the game right now. Well, you're right about that much. In the regular season, Mo had 80 strikeouts in only 57.1 innings, and a sterling 1.81 ERA. Called up in May and named the team's closer in mid-June, he was 25-for-25 in save opportunities. Looks like he's done warming up. ♪ BGM: The Entrance ♫ And here our intrepid hero comes, out of the bullpen...  ...and on to the mound.  They call Rodriguez "The Machine", presumably because he does not actually require oxygen to live.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
 He don't need to eat or drink, but is fueled by pure, clean American natural gas, pumped from the heart of Appalachia. Again, I don't think any of that is true. Or even said by anyone other than yourself. Lookit here, I've got it right up here on Wookieepedia. You mean...Wikipedia? What's Wikipedia? It's... It's the real internet encyclopedia. You know that Wookieepedia is exclusively about Star Wars, right? What's Star Wars? It's a movie. And books. And video games. What's important is that it's a FICTIONAL universe. None of it is real. Hold on there, boy. I know folks who fought in the Mandalorian War. You try telling the grateful peoole of South Korea that-- Let's just move on. Mo versus Rodriguez. This is what playoff baseball is all about. Matchups like these. Mo has a killer slider. I mean I actually think he could murder a left-handed batter with it. Actual murder. Rodriguez is, of course, a right-handed hitter, so he should be a bit better off against Mo. This season, lefties only managed to hit .200/.230/.386 against Mo. Right handers put up a more respectable .232/.271/.413.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:Those funky numbers there are what's called a slash line. They consist of three numbers, the batting average, the on-base percentage, and the slugging percentage.  Indeed, Mo can still control right-handers with an excellent fastball, and use the slider to keep them from sitting on the hard heat. Just one out left, and Mo will try to close out this final game for New York. That ain't gonna be enough. It's like General Douglas MacArthur said: "Do or do not, there is no try." That... That was Yoda. From Star Wars. Aw, quit it with the liberal historical revisionism. I ain't gonna apologize for my country or its history. Oh lord. Fortunately, it looks like Mo is ready to throw his first pitch. This is it, folks, New York is one out away from the world championship. Get up on your feet and get ready to cheer. Mo goes into the stretch...  ♪ BGM: Terminate ♫ Well, here we are in our first "pitching combat". However, we will be going through a tutorial for this later, and for now, we don't really have a lot of choice, either. We're on rails for this segment. So I'll just be skipping through this in favor of letting the tutorial explain things more.  We are given two pitches to use. We'll go over the different pitches later. For now, here's how this "battle" works. - If we throw a fastball, it's a strike until we get to two strikes. From then on, whenever we throw a fastball, Rodriguez will foul it off. - If we throw a slider, it's a ball until we get to three balls. From then on, whenever we throw a slider, Rodriguez will foul it off. - And the exception to that: If the count is 3-2 - a full count - and we throw a slider...  ... ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ ... And apparently silenced my broadcast partner as well. ... With that, New York no longer has the lead and this entire series has been turned around. Shades of Texas against St. Louis in 2011 here. New York was one strike away from a championship. You can't help but wonder how this affects a young closer like Mo.So, yes, this is what we in the trade call a "supposed to lose fight". TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
 The first thing I noticed was the silence. One minute, the crowd was ecstatic. They were on their feet. They were cheering my name. A moment later, I could hear the pounding of my heart, deep in my chest. I didn't have to see where the ball landed. The silence told me all I needed to know. With a single pitch, I had turned a 2-1 lead into a 3-2 deficit. The game was over. Of course, the game wasn't really over. It was only the top of the ninth. My teammates had a chance to erase my mistake. With a little luck, they could even put us back on top. They could make everyone forget what I'd done. They didn't. Robertson, the center fielder, was up first. He tapped the ball back to the mound. One out. Next was Vazquez, the first baseman. He led the American League in RBIs, but there was no one for him to drive in. He popped out to right field. Finally there was Jones, the catcher. The beat writers liked to say that he was "clutch", and that he came through in the toughest of times. He didn't. Just like that, the game was over. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to drink until I could forget about what had happened. Tomorrow was another game. Tomorrow was another chance. If only it was that simple... I had to go to the locker room. I had to shower and change out of my uniform. I had to look my teammates in the eyes. I had to face up to what I'd done. What I'd failed to do.  ♪ BGM: City Theme ♫ Well, time to talk to our teammates, I suppose.    It's the only thing that keeps the pain away. Delicious pizza.    Oh wait. It was.They are, uh, not taking it well.  I don't know what exactly the Yankees' motto is, but that ain't it. That's more of a New England Patriots thing, I believe.  Inspiring! Well, I guess we have to talk to the coach now.  This is Moose. He's the pitching coach for New York. He used to be a pitcher himself. One of the best. He threw a rare pitch called a knuckle-curve. The name makes it sound like a hybrid of a curveball and a knuckleball, but that's not quite right. It's more of a variation on the curve. That's not what made him a special pitcher, though. He was able to make lightning-quick adjustments, changing his approach between at-bats, and even individual pitches to the same batter. Moose never won a World Series as a pitcher. Everyone on the staff wanted to bring this one home for him. TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
  You threw a bad pitch. It happens. We were one strike away... I was one strike away from a perfect game, once. But you've heard that story. Every day. We hear that story every day. Carl Everett. Carl loving Everett. Did you know he doesn't even believe in dinosaurs? Who the gently caress doesn't believe in dinosaurs? The fossil record is right there. So you're not mad at me? Or, at least, you're still more mad at Carl Everett? There are members of my family you could have killed tonight and I would still be more mad at Carl Everett. Thanks, I guess.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:This indeed mirrors an event out of Mussina's career. To note, a perfect game is when a pitcher pitches the entire nine innings of a game and never lets a batter reach base once. It is an exceptionally rare feat.  I don't know what happened. I don't think I threw it any differently. You didn't, and that's the problem. What do you mean? If my mechanics are fine, and I didn't throw my slider wrong, wasn't this just a fluke? Everything will be better tomorrow. Especially if I don't have to face the Machine. It's not that simple, Mo. Have you ever heard of the Enigma Machine? No, can't say that I have. Prior to, and during, World War II, Nazi Germany used devices known as Enigma Machines to encode and decode secret messages. For the time, these were complex devices. The cipher wasn't applied directly to the input to encode messages, or directly to the code to interpret it. Instead, the cipher was the settings for the machine, which would do the hard work of changing the message into code and vice-versa. Without a machine tuned to the same settings, it was thought to be impossible to decipher the code. However, early in the war, the Enigma machine was cracked. The British built off of the efforts of the Polish resistance during the occupation. The Enigma was essentially useless by the time the United States entered the war. The Allies were able to easily analyze intel that, prior to cracking the code, was completely unreadable. What does this have to do with my slider? By the middle of the war, the problem wasn't with the Enigma machine. It was still an amazing piece of technology, and a marvel of cryptography. The problem was that the British had the cipher. They've figured out your slider, Mo. They can see when it's coming. They can see where it's heading. And they know how to hit it. Just like that? That fast? They cracked the code. It was bound to happen. Your slider is something of a trick pitch. You've managed a good few months off the fact that no one knew how to read it. And there's nothing wrong with that. Those few months helped us get here. Without your work in the regular season, New York wouldn't even be in the playoffs. And you dominated the ALCS. Now the hitters have figured out your slider. Now it's nothing but a meatball.Mo has lost the pitch "Slider"! Mo has gained the pitch "Meatball"! TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:The concept of a pitcher getting figured out and suffering from it is a real thing. Also, a meatball is an almost derogatory term for a pitch that is very easy to hit.  Hey, don't yell at me. Trust me, if it were up to me, you would have at least thrown one more slider before this had to happen. Sure would have been nice to get that last strike out from you. So, what? Does this mean my career is over? Just like that? After all, you're comparing me to Germany in World War II. And being compared to Germany in World War II is never good news. Don't be so hasty, Mo. This isn't the end of your career. This is a natural part of a pitcher's career. Some get over it. Others are Dontrelle Willis. What do I do? I don't want to be Dontrelle Willis!TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:Dontrelle Willis was a pitcher that had a fairly short career, only from 2003 to 2011. He won the Rookie of the Year award in 2003 and was runner-up to the Cy Young award in 2005, with solid seasons in 2004 and 2006. Then, starting with 2007, he never had an even average season again. What happened? Well, what Moose is alluding to here is that Willis had a very strange way of throwing the ball. He kicks his leg up really high and twists his body strangely. As a result, hitters didn't really know how to react to it. Until they did know. And the rest is history.  But Game 7 of the World Series is tomorrow! I don't have time to do any of that. Then I don't know what to tell you, Mo. If coach puts you in the game tomorrow, you'll only have your fastball. I can get outs with just my fastball. But can you strike out Carlos Rodriguez with just a fastball? The Machine? Hell no. If I go up there throwing nothing but heat, he'll make his homerun tonioht look like a pop-up. Then we're going to have to fix you tonight, aren't we? I can't just learn a new pitch in twenty four hours! Oh, come on, Mo! You ever see "Do The Right Thing"? That whole movie happens in less than twenty four hours. Wait... Really? That's right. Wow, I guess if racism can be solved in twenty four hours, then anything is possible. ...You have an unbelievably optimistic reading of "Do The Right Thing." We're going to need that optimism right now, though, so I won't dispute your view of the film. So, what do we do? First we should have a chat with coach, then we'll get started with your training.Moose has joined the party! Alright!  We also have access to the menu, but it doesn't show us a lot right now.   We can look at the pitches our party members have...   ...and see their status. That's about it. Oh, yeah, by the way, this game was made before Mussina was elected to the Hall of Fame. Anyway, let's talk to the coach.  This is Joe Randall, New York's manager. Most days, he's a reasonable fellow. Even though I was only a rookie, he was willing to make me the closer less than a month after I was called up. Some people in the media called it a rash decision. They thought the job should have gone to an experienced pitcher. There were a couple guys in the bullpen who could have been considered. They weren't exactly old-timers, but they'd been pitching for a few years. Coach Randall knew what he had in me, though. He called it "lightning in a bottle". But lightning is fleeting. It flashes across the sky in an instant and is gone before you even know you've seen it. Coach was right about me, but in the worst way.  You just going to stare at me, like I shouldn't be furious with you? Calm down, Joe. loving with the kid's head isn't going to fix him. Well, Moose, then what will fix him? Extra reps in the gym? Better scouting? Electroshock therapy? Waterboarding? I'm really not feeling good about where these suggestions are going. You're not injured, so we can't drop you from the roster. That means I'm willing to do anything to make you useful before tomorrow. Anything. ANYTHING. That's what I was hoping to talk to you about. We'd like permission to go on an epic quest to remake Mo as a pitcher before tomorrow's game. An epic quest? We may get sidetracked onto a journey of deeply personal re-examination, or even a voyage into the darkest crevices of existential mystery. I got no problem with the epic quest, and the journey of personal re—examination might be helpful for both of you. But, Mo, you have a clause in your contract forbidding contact with existential mystery. Really? Our owner writes that into the contracts now? Of course he does! After what happened when Alex Rodriguez started reading Nietzsche and drinking mescal... Those *were* a wild few weeks. I barely remember them. I got a tattoo of Ganesh, Hindu deity of new beginnings. And I still can't find it on my body. I didn't need to know that. So we're good to go? All clear on the quest and the journey, but we need to steer clear of existential mystery. Please. Alright, we have our task, and now it's time to head out to train. Where are we going? Out to the bullpen. And then, wherever fate takes us. Aren't we *always* going wherever fate takes us? Don't get smart with me. ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ I already know about pitching. I've been pitching for several months in the major leagues. Okay, that's true. But I still think I should show you what vou need to do. Things have changed. You don't have your slider any more. We should start over from scratch. When you're ready, step onto the mound. It's the small patch of dirt, closest to— I KNOW WHAT A PITCHING MOUND IS! Oh, one more thing! Yeah? We should probably talk about saving your game. Will you stop with the babying? I've been the closer for a while. I know about saving games. That's not what I mean. I'm talking about saving the state of the game, so that you can pick it up again later. I'm still not following. Just go to the menu and select "save game". That way, there's a record of everything you've accomplished that you can return to. Any time you enter a pitching match-up or other kind of battle, there are all sorts of ways you can gently caress up and end the game, so save often. Wait, so you're telling me that I can use this "Save Game" to *rewind time*? Why didn't you tell me this before I faced the Machine? I could have saved my game and tried again after he hit the HR off of me. It doesn't work like that. It doesn't? Why the hell not? Look, you shouldn't think about it too much. It's really not something to dwell on. You're telling me that there is some kind of mechanism of time travel-- suspending and rewinding the flow of time-- and I shouldn't dwell on it??? Yes. You know who thought much about saved games? Rick Ankiel. What? No way. Really? Ankiel was nervous about making his first career playoff start, so Tony La Russa took him aside and explained the whole concept to him. Well, you know what happened next... But couldn't Ankiel just load up his saved game and try again until he pitched better? He did. Multiple times. He threw five wild pitches in one inning! Are you saying that what we saw was his *best* attempt at that inning? That's why you don't think about saved games too much. ... What's wrong, Mo? We weren't just talking about existential mystery, were we? I won't tell the coach if you won't.To access the menu, use the "A" or "Escape" key. TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
 Anyway, that concludes this update. It's loving long enough already. But before we leave, there remains one question for you to answer: What is our hero's name? And I would like to say that if you have any questions regarding baseball or anything I mentioned here, by all means, ask. This LP is at least going to try to also be educational on the sport of baseball and some of its history. TheMcD fucked around with this message at 21:08 on May 24, 2019 |
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May 18, 2019 14:52
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Fedule posted:Surely Leon is the more appropriate cross-LP choice? Given that I'm the one LPing this, the proper cross-LP choice is actually Masaru.
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May 18, 2019 18:44
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Minus Green posted:It's kind of amazing how some of these names sound like they could be actual baseball players if you change one or two letters... and then you have names like Ark Carreon and Geronimo Wenja that just sound like characters from a JRPG or something. There's all sorts of sports names in there. Like how guys like Telanne, Nogilny, Dorque and Reschyshyn are hockey players given the "one-letter-changed" treatment (Teemu Selanne, Alexander Mogilny, Ray Bourque and Curtis Leschyshyn, respectively). To be a fly on the wall when the system for the names was decided upon... Also, I haven't tallied anything yet, since there seems to be, like, a lot more enthusiasm for this vote than I expected, but it seems like Bobson Dugnutt and Mo are the two main choices. And that requires me to ask something - "Bobson Dugnutt" doesn't fit, so what would I put in? "Bobson", "Dugnutt" or some sort of combination thing? EDIT: Oh, wait. Dorque obviously isn't Bourque. There's two letters changed! So of course, there's also a "Lourque" in there. Fabulous.
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May 19, 2019 23:38
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gyroball posted:Hello! My policy on creator posting is  .Also, it seems like Bobson has won our naming vote, so I'll work on the next update tomorrow.
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May 20, 2019 21:38
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Update II - Oh, Be Quiet. I'm Having Fun. Alright, the people have chosen, and they have chosen Bobson Dugnutt as the name for our closer. Of course, that doesn't fit, so we have to compromise. TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
 ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ Anyway, let's get back to where we left off. Are we really going to go over pitching 101 again? Yes. You need it. Right now, because your slider turned into a meatball; you don't have many pitches. In fact, you only have one pitch: Your fastball. What about the meatball? Maybe I can trick a hitter with it. Lure him into a false sense of security. Maybe that will work, if the hitter is a small child. A small child with Attention Deficit Disorder. The good news is that almost all small children have Attention Deficit Disorder these days. Watch out, baseball. Bobson may not be able to pitch like he used to, but he's going to dominate the league with his attempts at topical humor. Not even a chuckle? I don't chuckle. Anyway, my point is that you probably shouldn't be pitching to anyone just yet. Not until we teach you a new pitch. Then what are we doing here? Story-wise, this is really the only place for a tutorial section. What do you mean by "tutorial section"? Wait... That's not the most important question. What do you mean by "story-wise"? People only accept dull explanations of gameplay mechanics at the very beginning. It's kind of like how all the boring genealogy is stuffed into an early part of the Book of Genesis. If you're halfway through the Book of Judges and suddenly you have to read about the Jebusites, the Amorites, the Girgashites, the Hivites, the Arkites, the Sinites, and most of all the loving Hamathites... Well, you'd stop reading the Bible. I really don't think that the Book of Judges is particularly exciting as it is. That's because you're a philistine. Not a proper Philistine, of course, but a philistine of the colloquial definition. Not that you would know the difference, as vou have just demonstrated. I'm lost. Then we should get back to pitching. When you're pitching against a batter outside of a baseball game, you can't rely on your defense to bail you out. You are on your own. That means you need to strike out the hitter or lose. To do that, you will have to fool them. Every pitch has the chance of tricking the hitter into looking for that pitch on subsequent at-bats. Once a hitter is looking for a pitch, you have to throw a diametrically opposed pitch, and that's a sure strike. Die-a-metric? This isn't about that crazy number racket they use to measure poo poo in Canada, is it? The Metric system? No, but you should probably learn that, too. What I'm saying is that if a batter is expecting one pitch, if you throw a very different pitch you're assured a strike. Yeah, I knew that already. When the guy at the plate was looking fastball, I'd throw my slider. And when he was looking for the slider... You'd still throw the slider. Because until today, no one could hit it. ...yeah. All right, I'm going to pitch to Robertson, here, to show you how it's done. ♪ BGM: Transcend ♫ Alright, given that Bobson has gently caress-all for pitches right now, we're going to be going through our tutorial with Moose.  As we've previously seen, he has a four pitch arsenal. Now, since there aren't any real animations except a very basic pitch display, I'm just going to transcribe these battles in italics. So, let's start with the most basic thing and just throw some heat. Moose throws a fastball! Ball 1! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! Hrm. OK, I guess we're using Moose's signature next. Moose throws a knuckle-curve! Strike 1! The knucklecurve completely fools the batter! Holy poo poo, coach, that's totally unfair! What's the point of throwing that pitch? Bobson isn't going to learn anything if you are just trying to make me look silly. Sorry, you're right. I just can't help myself...Alright, no knuckle-curve I guess. A changeup maybe? Moose throws a changeup! Ball 2! The changeup was in the dirt! The hitter is now looking for a changeup! What the hell, man? I thought you were supposed to be a control pitcher! But anyway, we have our hitter looking for a changeup, so let's throw him off with some heat again. Moose throws a fastball! Ball 3! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! Well, poo poo. I guess the diametrically opposed pitch to a changeup is a breaking pitch? Moose throws a slider! Ball 4! The hitter lays off the slider as it dives out of the strike zone! Moose issued the walk. The runner reached base. Moose is defeated!  I just failed the tutorial. Amazing. Well, before we go back into that... TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:OK, let's talk about pitching. If you don't know pitching, that was a bunch of weird words just now and you didn't understand poo poo. So let's go over that. Anyway, let's try the tutorial again.  We'll start the same way. Moose throws a fastball! Strike 1! The batter swung right through the heat! The hitter is now looking for a fastball! Now that he's looking fastball, we give him the changeup. Moose throws a changeup! Strike 2! The batter got out in front of that pitch and just missed the change-up. Now, a breaking pitch just to mix things up. Moose throws a slider! The batter fouls off the pitch as it runs in on his hands! There are still two strikes on the batter. Well, let's go back to the heat, I suppose. Moose throws a fastball! Strike 3! The batter swung right through the heat! Moose struck him out! Moose is victorious! So yeah, sometimes the game can just screw you if your pitcher suddenly can't get control. That's realistic, actually.  ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ I don't see how this is really helping. You have a ton of pitches and I have one. Oh, be quiet. I'm having fun.And we get to go through another pitch battle. We'll just skip past this one.  Well, I think there is only one choice here for us to take. What the gently caress is this? This is a choice menu. Sometimes you are going to have to make difficult choices about how to proceed. Aww... drat it, I don't want to have to make difficult choices. I can't even make up my mind at a buffet table. Pizza? Fried chicken? Meatloaf? 'Usually I end up piling it all on my plate because I'm afraid I might regret my pick once I get back to the table. Yeah we're going to need to talk with the trainer and the nutritionist about that. So, do you get how pitching works? I already did! Good. Well... There are a couple things. Sure. Ask away. What's up with the "Items" command on the pitching menu? Pitching won't solve all your problems. Remember early in the season when you had that boil the size of a quarter on your-- Shhh! Not so loud! I told you to keep that quiet! Anyway, you weren't going to pitch your way out of that problem. Sometimes you will be faced with enemies and obstacles that will require an item. If you don't have that item, throwing all the fastballs in the world won't get anything done. Where will I find these items? Well, that's up to you. Okay. One more question: When I go to the menu, it tells me how much money I have. Yeah, well, who knows... Maybe you'll have to buy something. That's not my question. I want to know why I don't have any money. I'm pretty sure I had $20 before the game. That's simple, Bobson. Fiat money - cash - has no actual value. It's just paper that, as a society, we have arbitrarily decided can be used as an intermediary to exchange in trade. Woah... Holy poo poo, you're right. Wait. What? No I'm not. That was a joke. No, you're totally right. The value of money is entirely an illusion. It's not just paper money. The money I have in the bank is nothing but a number. It's a concept, stored on some computer somewhere that doesn't mean anything. It is literally only as valuable as society agrees it is. And the worst part is the government can just print more of it. No, even more frightening... They can just make the numbers in their own bank account go up. Uh, slow down there, I was just-- Oh god, and when people start to figure out that money is objectively worthless, they will move their garbage currency for stable investments... Which will only serve to devalue the dollar more! Moose, this is awful! We have to do something! Calm down, Bobson, it was just a joke. Fiat currency is actually sound economic policy. But cash only has the value we give it! And we give it that value for no reason! That's true of all sorts of things. You listen to me because you have assigned me value as your "coach". I don't *really* have any more power over you than any other person. You come to work and get paid because of the arbitrary validity that you, the team, and society assign to your contract. There's no objective power in your contract, just the power we choose to give it. Oh... I guess you're right. If I start questioning the legitimacy of the power society assigns to things.. The rabbit hole never ends. That doesn't explain why I don't have my twenty dollars. Yeah, I borrowed that to grab some pizza for dinner. WHAT? You had me doubting the foundations of society because you borrowed money without telling me? The street vendor I like doesn't take credit card. Just tell me next time! Will do. Ready to go? Yeah... Where are we going? If you're going to teach me a new pitch, wouldn't it make the most sense to just stay right here? Yeah, that might work if we had the whole offseason, but we don't. No, we're going to have to take drastic measures if we want to have you ready for tomorrow. Uh, what? That doesn't make any sense. Crossword puzzles? I've never told anyone this before, but that's the secret to my knuckle-curve. I learned it from crossword puzzles. You've got to be kidding me again. 20 across: The clue was "part of a fist." Seven letters. I knew that the first letter was "K" because I'd already solved 1 down. That was four letters. Clue: "Top of wine". Obviously CORK. KNUCKLE intersected with 6 down on the last letter of each word, E. The clue for 6 down was "A reason to slow down." This wasn't a very good crossword puzzle. I saw the two words together, joined at a right angle. It was like a light went off in my head. Sort of like that Reeses commercial. You got your chocolate in my peanut butter! You got your peanut butter in my chocolate! How do you know that commercial? You're too young to know that commercial. I saw it in a Family Guy episode. Oh... Ugh. So I'll go back to my locker and grab my iPad. I know that there are all sorts of free crossword puzzles online, though if you have suggestions-- Electronic crosswords? Over my dead body. You're not making this easy. It's not supposed to be *easy*. That's the point. The only proper way to do a crossword puzzle is on paper, with an ink pen. Well, fine. Happen to have any blank crossword puzzles lying around? Of course not! I don't just leave them unfinished. Or even worse, unstarted. So, we're screwed? It's the middle of the night. We'll have to wait until morning to buy fresh crossword puzzles. I don't want to waste that time. Don't worry. I know a place. Great. The last time you suggested a bar, I ended up choking back cigar smoke and listening to jazz for, like, an hour. It's an all-night book store, down in the Hub. An all-night book store, eh? Now I'm interested. It's not that kind of all-night book store. It's a secret enclave of East Coast intellectuals, that also happens to sell books and collections of crossword puzzles. An "intellectual" all-night book store, eh? Well, I do like chicks with glasses. IT'S NOT THAT KIND OF ALL-NIGHT BOOK STORE. Now that I think about it, they probably won't even let you in. All right, if it really is our only hope, I will go to a regular bookstore. But just this time. Well, when you're ready we'll head out.And so, we have our destination. Next time, we'll try to get Bobson into a high-class book store.
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May 22, 2019 20:35
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Like I said, this game is very much focused on writing. The graphics look kinda crap, the mapping is really bland and ugly, and the "core" gameplay, as it were, is basically modified praying to the RNG. But it doesn't matter because the writing is so good and the situations so interesting you just want to see what comes next, and before you know it, that's carried you through the entire game and you had a great time.
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May 22, 2019 21:21
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Update III - It's Just A Seinfeld Reference. That's All It Is. ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ Alright, so, last time we questioned the foundations of society itself and decided we need to do some crossword puzzles, and to do that, we hit the subway. I wanted to change clothes before we went out in public. I knew that people would recognize me if I was wearing my uniform. The last thing I wanted was to be recognized. Because of me, the best case scenario was that the city would have to wait one more day for its championship. The worst case scenario... I'd cost New York the World Series. Someone out there would want my blood. Someone would want to make me pay. Moose said there wasn't time. So I braved the dangerous subway car in my pinstripes. Fortunately, no one tried to kill me. I got a number of dirty stares, and one guy called me "The King of the Retards." He and Moose got into an argument about the use of the word "retarded", and somehow that distracted the man enough to keep him from beating me until I was retarded. Oh come on! Did you hear anything I said on the subway, Bobson?? Something about normalization? poo poo, I don't know.That was Moose. He was always trying to improve people, even when they didn't want it. Though I guess on that night, I had to appreciate it.  ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ They're a selective bunch. A bookstore can afford to be selective these days? Just shut up and let's go.And here we are in the city. Let's go talk to some people, I'm sure that won't end badly.  Wait... You look familiar. Oh, great... Good vibes all around.  Hiding in an alley we find this shady character offering us a new pitch. I'm sure there's no catch to this at all. Yes, actually! That's why we're here. This is amazing, Moose! I had no idea it would be this easy. I don't trust this guy. Nah, bro, it's simple. You just smear some vaseline on the ball and suddenly it's moving around all crazy-like. That's a spitball. It's an illegal pitch. Did that stop Gaylord Perry? Don Drysdale? Kenny Rogers? Kenny Rogers put vaseline on his fried chicken? Not that Kenny Rogers! You don't want to do this, Bobson. If you throw a spitball, you'll be branded a cheater for the rest of your career. TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:So here's one of the pitches that falls under the "others" category - the spitball. The spitter is a very interesting pitch. Like our mysterious friend described it, pitchers would either use some sort of petroleum jelly like Vaseline, or their spit, or a similar substance to manipulate the ball. This messes with the ball's aerodynamics and makes it behave in unpredictable ways. ...loving hell, that got longer than I thought it would. Anyway, we don't want the spitball, because we're no cheaters. What it would do is remove one ball from the count, so essentially, you could cheat your way through encounters where you find yourself losing by giving up walks. So... gently caress that! I'm no cheater. That's the spirit, Bobson!Now, let's get to what we're actually here for.  Hold up there. You recognize me, right? Moose? poo poo, that is you. Sorry about that. I couldn't see you behind this meathead. Hey! What did you call me? Settle down, Bobson. He didn't mean anything by it. Like hell I didn't. Who's this guy, Moose? He's a friend. He pitches for New York. I'd assume you'd know all about him by now, what with everything that happened tonight. I don't watch sports. Well, your loss. Can we come in? You can come in, but this guy has to stay outside. He hasn't paid his dues. Come on, now, don't be ridiculous. Do you know how much money I've spent in this book store? The rules are the rules. Only members may enter. Okay, how do I become a member? You must donate a rare book to the collection. It's simple, really. Where the hell am I going to find a rare book at this hour? We're here because this is the only non-adult bookstore that is open at this hour. Wait... Will you accept a rare adult magazine? No. gently caress! Do we really need to do this? You know who I am, and this is Bobson. He's the closer for New York and he really needs to get inside. Ah, so you're a pitcher like Moose? Well, I'll make it easy on you, then. Strike me out and I will let you into the store. You're the gatekeeper to a weird obscure bookstore. This should be easy! Not so fast, Bobson! All you have is your fastball. This might not be as easy as you think. Are you kidding? If he figures out that you can only throw a fastball, you're in trouble. I'm sure you *can* strike him out, but trying to do so would be a risk. We should investigate other options first. Hm... So, what do you think? Are you ready to pitch? If you're going to do this you should save your game. This could go bad. Just let me know when you're ready.Yeah, we're not going to be doing this. I think the spitball would make this fairly possible, but we don't have that. If the batter ever ends up looking for a fastball, we'd be hosed, since throwing a pitch a batter is looking for is an instant loss.  Instead, let's check out this place.  A bar of some kind. Let's talk to some people.   Why would you think that? You're both wearing jerseys. Huh, fair enough. That game tonight was hosed up. If we have the lead tomorrow night, they better leave Bobson on the bench where he belongs. I don't know about that. You can't just go sitting your best relief pitcher because of one bad pitch. That wasn't just one bad pitch! That was the god drat World Series! The World Series doesn't stop a pitcher from making a bad pitch! It can happen any time! Sometimes you lose your grip on the ball. Sometimes you trip on the mound. Sometimes your best pitch is actually very hittable and suddenly everyone can-- Let's go, Bobson. Wait, did he say Bobson? Maybe we shouldn't draw too much attention to ourselves.Probably a good idea. Anyway, the jukebox nearby lets us change the music between three tracks. So... ♪ BGM: City Theme ♫  Beer and a plate of nachos, please. We don't have time for drinking, Bobson! No, I think right now is a pretty good time for drinking. If you're interested, we're having a trivia night. Sign ups are just about to close. Trivia night, eh? So we don't have time for a beer and a few nachos, but we do have time to participate in a trivia competition? Let's be fair, you were going to eat a lot more than a *few* nachos. The top prize for the trivia night is a first edition copy of Thomas Pynchon's seminal novel, Gravity's Rainbow. A book? That's a terrible prize. Why not just make me take a class or something. Wait, Bobson, your lack of culture aside, this is perfect. We need a rare book to get into the bookstore next door. If we can win the top prize at the trivia night, then we will have our ticket in. This seems awfully convenient... What do you mean? I don't know, Moose. We find out we need a rare book to get where we want to go and suddenly we happen to find one as a prize in trivia? Doesn't that seem a little off to you? Well, yeah, but are you going to look a gift horse in the mouth? Yeah, I am! I never liked that phrase. Of course I'm going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I don't know anything about this horse. Why does its owner want it gone? Who just gives away a horse, anyway? The whole thing is suspicious. Well, if someone offers us a horse, we'll investigate. But what do we have to lose from participating in this trivia night? Nothing, I guess. All right, the entrance fee is $20. Uh... We don't have any money on us. Yeah, sorry about that. Well, the way things are going, I bet we can find $20 in the next building by... I don't know...killing rats or something. No, we don't need to do that. I have a plan. Bartender, do you know who my friend is? He's Bobson, the closer who just blew game 6 of the World Series. poo poo! Bobson? I thought I recognized you! You look smaller than you do on television. ...great. Here's the deal: if you cover our entrance fee, and we don't win, the winner gets to punch Bobson in the face. WHAT? That sounds like a good deal... I'm sure I'll get a few more teams to sign up if they are playing for the chance to rough up Bobson a little. I don't agree to this. I don't agree to this! Listen, we're not going to lose. How do you know that? I've done a lot of trivia nights in my time, and I've never lost one. But if this is the first time, I'm going get punched in the face! Eh, being punched in the face isn't that bad. If we lose, and you have to get punched in the face... Then you can punch me in the face. I mean, that *will* make me feel better, but I don't see how it gets us any closer to our goal... Then we'll just need to win the trivia competition and we'll never have to go down this dark path. Fine, if this book gets us into the book store, I'll do it. But we better win. The bar filled up and the bartender passed out the score cards. I'd never done this before, but Moose was an old pro. He took the lead on most of the questions, but would occasionally ask for my input.  ♪ BGM: Transcend ♫  So, trivia night. We get some questions, and we get to answer them. Let's pick Rembrandt, that was a painting of his. Rembrandt. I don't know how to spell it. Spell it like the toothpaste, that's close enough. You're correct, that's probably what the question is looking for, though I can't help but disagree with how it is phrased. All right, next question... That would be The Color of Money. The Color of Money. You're right, I think that is what the question is looking for. Though, I admit it isn't quite right... Seriously, I don't think this bar is taking its Trivia Night very seriously. All right, next up... That's probably the Great Wall. The Great Wall of China. Yeah, I suppose that's what they're looking for. I mean, it's not necessarily true, but it's "accepted", at least by people who don't know better. There really aren't any man-made objects visible from space... And that's without going into how vague "space" is. But we'll go with that. It's the safe answer. All right, last question... That must be the Moors, then. Ha! That's a joke. The Moors. You're right, but I feel like there is something more to this question. How so? It feels out of place. Like there is some secondary meaning to it. Though ultimately, I suspect that this secondary meaning is about nothing. I'll put down "the Moors". It's unquestionably correct. All right, that's it. Let's turn in our answer sheet. ♪ BGM: Spirits Among Us ♫ Moose and Bobson! Yes! They win this first edition copy of Gravity's Rainbow! Oh... I forgot. All we won was a book. But we need this book to continue our quest! And our quest takes us into... a bookstore. You can see why I'm reluctant to get excited. No, I can't. I think book stores are awesome.Bobson received a copy of Gravity's Rainbow! Let's talk to that guy again, I have the feeling Moose has something to say.  This was a terrible trivia night and you should be ashamed of yourself. What the hell, Moose? I'm just telling it like it is. Those were bad questions.Now, here's the thing. This game has friendship values. And one opportunity to boost Moose's friendship value is here. How do we do that? Well, if you agree with Moose that there was something wrong about those questions, then you would be right. Let's rewind, and this time, give the right answers. Or, rather, the right answer. ♪ BGM: Transcend ♫ gently caress that. Bravo! I knew you weren't as dumb as the other pitchers say you are. Wait, what? Whoever prepared this question obviously wants us to answer "Rembrandt" as evidenced by the use of the word "artist". Otherwise, there might be some question as to whether Sergei Lukyanenko or Ole Bornedal were in play as possible solutions. However, "The Night Watch" is not the proper title of the work that is perhaps Rembrandt's most famous painting. The proper title would be "The Company of Captain Frans Banning Cocq and Lieutenant Willem van Ruytenburch Preparing to March Out". "The Night Watch" is an acceptable alternative, but in the interest of an absolutely consistent Trivia Night, such a question should not be asked. You lost me at "Bravo". It doesn't matter! I am very impressed, Bobson. I had no idea that your tastes were so refined. gently caress that. drat right! Huh? I don't understand. Why are you responding positively to me? Impressive, Bobson. Even I almost missed this one. Paul Newman won an Oscar for The Color of Money, and that's undoubtedly what the answer is supposed to be. But that wasn't his first Oscar. He actually received a lifetime achievement award the year prior. Thus, the correct answer would truly be that Paul Newman received his *first* Academy Award for *all* of his films. Yeah, that's totally what I meant. You're really quicker than I gave you credit for, Bobson. gently caress that. I know! There aren't any man made objects visible from space! Who the hell came up with these trivia questions? They're all terrible! psh... Yeah. I know. It's a popular conception that the Great Wall of China is visible from space, but it's simply not true. While the Great Wall is an incredible achievement in *length*, there's really nothing special about its *width*. Yeah, and all the girlfriends I've ever had say that it's really width that's important. ...For seeing from space? Yeah, I've dated a lot of geography majors. What did you think I was talking about? You can major in geography? Uh... Of course you can. Where do you think maps come from? And to think I was starting to get impressed with your intelligence... gently caress that. Yeah, I know. A Seinfeld reference? Pathetic. I remember when Trivia Night had standards. It wasn't just an excuse to get drunk. It wasn't infected with the taint of sour pop culture. I remember when it meant something. This... This is no trivia night. Full of meaningless questions with even more meaningless answers. Topped off with an inquiry that serves no purpose but to reference a dead television series from a dead era. What has the world come to? I know what they want to hear but I don't want to give it to them. I'd rather burn my answer sheet, and show them what I think of their questions. Alas, I know we need the book that is the prize of this particular offense against the sanctity of trivia. I realize that to win we must play by their rules, and give in to their decision to prioritize referential humor over the truth. So with that in mind, what do we answer? I don't even know what you're talking about. Then I'll take it from here. I will take responsibility for quietly providing support for this atrocity of trivia. It's just a Seinfeld reference. That's all it is. That's all they care about.And that's all the answers. In the end, it actually doesn't matter what you pick, since if you pick something wrong, Moose will just pick the right thing instead. Or, rather, the "right" thing. So we always end up with the book. Anyway, that'll be it for this update. Next time, we'll take a look at the wrong answers from this trivia round, because they've got some fun dialogue as well, and we'll step outside the building.
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May 24, 2019 21:06
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Update IV - Exactly! The Game Is Always Bullshit! ♪ BGM: Transcend ♫ Alright, so first of all, let's see what other answers we could've given in the trivia round, and what they would've resulted in. Ben Stiller. Jesus Christ, really Bobson? What? First off, the name of the Ben Stiller movie is "The Watch" not "The Night Watch". Second, you're stretching the definition of the word "artist" pretty thin to even arrive at this answer. Third, "The Watch" isn't even in the top half of Ben Stiller's oeuvre. How can you even suggest that would be his most recognizable work? If we're talking about films in which he's acted, the answer is clearly "The Royal Tenenbaums". If he had to have more creative input, then it's a toss-up between "The Cable Guy" and "Tropic Thunder"... ...depending on whether you think history vindicated the former. Heh... You think that Ben Stiller has an oeuvre. I guess I'll just answer this question. Terry Pratchett. Really? You think that's the best Discworld novel? I like time travel stories. You're the only one. Oh, come on! What's a better Discworld book? Uh... Guards, Guards!, which The Night Watch was trying to invoke way too hard. Huh, haven't read that one. A-Are you loving kidding me? Never mind, it's not important. I'll just handle this question. Twilight. What? No. God no. Paul Newman didn't live to see that godawful story disgrace the cinema. Not the vampire romance, the crime film with Gene Hackman and Reese Witherspoon. Really? Of all of Paul Newman's movies, you think *that* is the one he won an Academy Award for? It's the only one I know... I repeat myself: Of all Paul Newman's movies, *that* is the only one you know? ...Reese Witherspoon has a topless scene. ... ...I'll handle this question. Balsamic Vinaigrette. That's a salad dressing. Are you sure? I'm sure. I'm pretty certain I saw Balsamic Vinaigrette in the theaters. You might have seen a bottle of balsamic vinaigrette in a theater. No, that doesn't make sense... I'll just handle this question. Stonehenge. Really? You think that Stonehenge is visible from space? How else did the aliens put it there? Aliens didn't put up Stonehenge. Oh, and next you're going to say that autism isn't caused by vaccines. It isn't. Then why have autism rates risen steadily over the last few decades, hmmm? Diagnosis. Diagnosis has risen over the last few decades. Jenny McCarthy wouldn't lie to me! Yeah. Yeah she would. How about I handle this question? My penis. Real mature, Bobson. Really mature. When those astronauts leave orbit, they have to account for the gravitational pull of my-- Funny that you'd refer to your genitalia as man-made. Is there something you're not telling us? What? No. What's that supposed to mean? I think you know what I mean. Just... Just move on. You can handle this question. The Moops. The correct answer is The Moops. There's no Moops! You sure about that? The answer has to be the Moors. Moops! Moors! Moops! There's no Moops, you idiot! Thankfully, I'm the one in control of the answer sheet. ...Moops. That was the Nazis, right? I don't even know where to start. It... wasn't the Nazis? In the 8th century? The Nazis weren't good guys in the 8th century, were they? I always get confused by history. There weren't any Nazis in the 8th century! Really? Why not? I... I don't even know where to begin. First of all, Christianity had only begun to flourish as a dominant religion. The concept of nations hadn't even truly been formed, which would have made the existence of National Socialism rather difficult. Certainly the anti-semitic aspect of everything was present at the time, but the core ethos simply couldn't form around existing ideology. Oh. How about you handle this one?And there we go. That trivia segment hid a whole lot of banter. Now, let's head outside and make our way into the bookstore.  ♪ BGM: Spirits Among Us ♫ I know. We just spent almost an hour doing trivia in a bar and we're only theoretically closer to fixing my slider. That's not what I mean. Just wait a moment.♪ BGM: Terminate ♫ I recognize that walk-up music. Walk-up music? Most teams allow a batter to pick the song that plays when he steps to the plate. I'm surprised you never noticed it, given that you have been pitching professionally for several years. That's not why I'm confused! We're in the middle of the street! There shouldn't be any walk-up music. gently caress, it's the Machine. Carlos Rodriguez? What are you doing here? Isn't every day I get to break the spirit of an entire city... But of course I didn't do it alone, did I Bobson? I guess I was just curious what you two were up to. Apparently out for a drink? How quaint. I'm waiting until tomorrow to drink. That's when we're going to pop the champagne. You know, because we will have won the World Series. I got what you meant. And it will all be thanks to you, won't it? Down to your last strike... Shut up! You really thought your slider was untouchable, didn't you? You thought that a frisbee pitch like that would make you king of the world. SHUT UP! Or what? You're going to throw another meatball my way? You never answered my question... Why are you here, Rodriguez? If you wanted to waste your time trying to get into a pitcher's head, wouldn't it make more sense to go after tomorrow's starter? The only way you're facing Bobson is if your team is down in the ninth inning. Seems like it wouldn be more productive to go after a pitcher you know you are going to face. I wouldn't be so sure about any of that. You checked ESPN lately? Looked at your twitter feed? We've been busy. The media is calling for your head, Bobson. Don't be so sure you'll be the closer tomorrow. What? No! Coach wouldn't do that! Not after just one bad pitch! No way! I'm right, aren't I, Moose? ... His silence betrays him, Bobson. Why isn't he agreeing with you? Why isn't he defending you? Stop it, Rodriguez. Stop it right now. Defensive. Interesting. You want a fight, Rodriguez? You've got a fight. Moose, what are you doing? I think the old man is going to try to pitch to me. Ohhh... This is delightful. Moose, you can't! He's the reigning NL MVP! You haven't faced anyone like him in years! Don't worry, Bobson. I know what I'm doing. Rodriguez is just a bully. I'll show him how a Hall of Fame pitcher handles a bully! Uh, you're not in the Hall of Fame. Well I should be! You know, call me a pessimist, but I don't think this is going to end well. Oh well, let's give it a shot. Let's start with heat to maybe get ahead in the count quick. Moose throws a fastball! Strike 1! The batter swung right through the heat! Now the opposite. Moose throws a changeup! Ball 1! The changeup was in the dirt! The hitter is now looking for a changeup! Well, since he's looking for that now, back to the heat. Moose throws a fastball! Strike 2! The batter swung right through the heat! Ha! You think you have me right where you want me, don't you? Two strikes, Rodriguez. Even you have to know the odds are against you. Just like they were against me earlier tonight, when I was facing Bobson? Just like the odds were against Carl Everett when-- Don't say that name to me! It still bothers you, doesn't it? So close to a perfect game. I bet when he stepped to the plate, you were certain it would happen. It was a perfect game! You can never expect something like that. There have been less than two dozen in the history of baseball. Maybe you can't expect it going in, but when you're one out away... One strike away... You're not going to get to me like this, Rodriguez. I'm a student of baseball history. I know that a perfect game is incredibly rare, and mostly just a matter of chance. I'm not going to get upset about losing something most pitchers never even come close to. But you're not most pitchers, Moose. That at bat against Carl Everett was a microcosm of your entire career. Never won a World Series. Never received a Cy Young award. And that wasn't your only near no-hitter. So good but just not good enough. If you just managed to push one more strike past Everett, you would have been something special. A member of that elite club. But you couldn't even fool a man who doesn't believe in dinosaurs. That's ENOUGH! Well, we only have one option now. Moose is pissed and wants to put Rodriguez away with his best pitch. But Rodriguez probably knows that it's coming. And what happens when a hitter knows a pitch is coming? Moose throws a knuckle-curve! Carlos Rodriguez demolishes the pitch! gently caress! Oh man, I think I hit that one out of New York state. H-how? You just crushed my knuckle-curve! Not much of a pitch, if I say so myself. And I do. I... I don't know what to say. You're old. You're rusty. That's all there is to say. Well, my work here is done. ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ It's okay, Bobson. He's gone now. What do you think that was about? Well, only one choice to be made here. gently caress that! Carlos Rodriguez is just trying to get under your skin. He's just loving with you. I don't care if he hit a homerun off me tonight, or if he's the second coming of Ted loving Williams, he's got no right to talk poo poo like that. You're one of the best pitchers of the 90s and 00s. 270 loving wins-- Wins really aren't the best way to evaluate a pitcher. I know that and I don't care! My point is that you're a god drat legend. He'll be lucky if future baseball historians even talk about him in the same breath as you. He's only trying to derail us from our quest to find a pitch that can strike him out tomorrow. Thanks, Bobson. You're right.We should hurry up and move along. The longer I stand here moping, the more we play into his hand.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
 Now, we get to take on this guy.  ♪ BGM: Transcend ♫  We go into the pitching battle, but just use the item to end it. Here, I have a first edition of Gravity's Rainbow. Will this get me into the store? Where did you get that? Actually, it was the bar next-- I don't care! This is perfectly acceptable! Go right ahead! ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ Enjoy the bookstore. Enjoy a book store? Ha! Not now, Bobson. And just like that, we're in the bookstore.  You should have a talk with the guy outside. He wasn't going to let me and my friend into the store. Yeah, that's no way to run a business. Let me handle this, Bobson. My point is that we're on something of a deadline, and your employee put us in a difficult spot. Sorry about that, he gets pretty zealous about the rules. Anyway, we need your most recent New York Times crossword collection. ... I do not like hearing an awkward silence right now. Did you hear me? We're in a hurry. We're sold out of all our crossword books. Are you KIDDING me? It's the strangest thing. A guy just came in and bought every single crossword book in the store. He was wearing a baseball uniform, too. With a red cap. Carlos Rodriguez! So that's what he was doing here... He must have known what we were planning to do. Hold up. Are you trying to tell me that Rodriguez knew that we were going to use crossword puzzles to help me learn a new pitch? And, moreover, that we were headed to this very bookstore, and that he could thwart us by purchasing all the books before we could get here? Yes. gently caress! I know. This is very problematic. What do we do now? You're thinking about doing electronic crosswords again, aren't you? I can get them for free on my iPad... It won't work. Then how about we go back to the stadium and actually work on my pitching mechanics? Listen, we had to work hard to get in here, so I think we should take a look around. There might be something else that can help. Really? You think so? Well, there's not a lot going on here as far as useful books is concerned, but there's somebody else here, so let's have a chat with them.   Who are you? My name is Moose. I'm the pitching coach for the New York-- Bah. Bored. I'm not interested any more. Hey! You can't talk to Moose like that. I "can't"? What a bizarre choice of words. It is fascinating that you believe there something innate in either yourself or Mr. Moose here that would render me incapable of speaking my mind. Perhaps, due to your inborn physical gifts, you have been pampered and catered to throughout your entire lives. Those around you are so enamored with your talent that they suppress their critical opinions of you, leaving you unable to handle dissent. Who the hell do you think you are?♪ BGM: Zizek's Theme ♫ Slavoj Zizek.TheMcD's... Philosophy Stuff? posted:
The philosopher? ...no. No? Does it really matter what I define myself as? Is that so important to you that you would question me on how I perceive my own self? I guess it doesn't really matter. We should go, Moose. My head ishurting from all the thinking I'm starting to do. Good! Thinking is bad for you. It only leads to other things that are bad for you, like acting, and so on, and so on. Wait a second, Bobson. Zizek might be able to help us. Really? What does he know about baseball? Baseball? What do I know about baseball? I know that it is a game, and that it is a game with rules. Therefore it is death. Baseball is death. That is oversimplifying things quite a bit-- No, in fact, it is making things far too complicated. But I can see how you would not see that. Really, you think this guy can help us? He's one of the pre-eminent thinkers of our time. It would be foolish to ignore his presence. Who is to say that I want to help you? What would be the point? You seek advancement, but I know that advancement is an illusion. We do not advance as individuals. We merely stand still while the world moves backwards. Bobson gave up a game-winning home run tonight. He needs to learn a new pitch by tomorrow. Why? Game seven of the World Series! So you wish to create a new form of pitching for yourself, so that you might overcome those who have defeated your other forms? Something like that. Never mind that creation is a fruitless endeavor. God botched the act of creation, who are we to think we can do better? Still, I am interested. The question remains: are you interested? Of course I'm interested! If I have to pitch tomorrow, I need something to mix in with my fastball or I'm toast. Mixing and toasting? To start, you fixate on food. Items that you prepare and consume. Equal parts birth and death. Fascinating. Well you seem pretty loving fixated on death. Ah, turnabout. I approve, though is it not true to say that we are all fixated on death? Show me that you are truly interested in proceeding and I will assist. Since you are a man of games, we will play a game. What sort of game? Tic-tac-toe. This is not the dusty wasteland of the American armies, struggling in vain to feed oxygen through the respirator of dying Imperialism. Nor is this the black-and-white nonsense of chess, which attempts to validate atrocities with intellectualism. This is the canvas upon which a true conflict between men can be wrought. Uh... This is tic-tac-toe. And why are there only four squares instead of nine? Simple, my friend. And? If you don't already understand, I can't begin to explain. I will go first. So, thus we have tic-tac-toe. Except Zizek has kinda hosed us here, because there is no way we can't lose. Regardless of where we put our circle, he can make a row of two and win. Or is that truly the case?   You realized that I had changed the rules of the game to make it impossible for you to win. Thus to defeat me, the only thing that you could do was to change the rules yourself. Bravo! Now it is I who cannot win, unless I change the rules once more. But even then, you can just change them back and so on, and so on. Truly, now, we can only come to a draw. For, you see, we have both agreed to change the rules which govern the rules, and now there is anarchy in which anything goes. The game was bullshit. Exactly! The game is always bullshit! What was the point of this? The point, my friend, is that simply by agreeing to play a game in which there are rules, you have already lost. That's silly. Rules, even in the oldest game, are not handed down from on high. They are devised by men, and men seek advantages from other men. You must always ask yourself: who is it that made these rules, and who is it that benefits from them? Well, I'm pretty sure whoever made the rules of baseball is dead. So there's that. Ah, you are still thinking too small. Never mind, I will help you think bigger, or at least shrink the universe so that your thoughts seem larger. I will try to open your eyes, but I will not cut off your eyelids. This is great news, Bobson. The help of a philosopher like Zizek is far more substantial than a few crossword puzzles. So we're making progress! I knew we could do it! Yeah, I'm finally starting to feel like we're on the way up. So, what's the plan? Let's walk and talk. ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ The goal is for Bobson to learn a new pitch, or at least recover his slider for one more day. Slider? So this is all about tiny hamburgers? I have a recipe, but it requires a certain hot pepper only available in the year 1992. A slider is a type of pitch. You know, because I'm a baseball player. Oh yes, baseball. I briefly forgot, as I was too busy thinking about God. I was thinking we could go back and watch video of famous pitchers to inspire us. Or, now that you are with us, you could point us to a Hegelian text that will give us clues on how to deconstruct Bobson's pitching style. While that is tempting, and I could spend all night listing off Hegelian texts that you should read, I do not believe it will be helpful. Thank loving god. You see, while we require dense Marxist tracts in order to find the truth, we must seek The Truth in other places. What's the difference between the truth and The Truth? Everything... And nothing. The Truth makes itself much more apparent in the low arts. If you wish to understand the je ne sais quoi of the American psyche, you do not read Saul Kripke, you read Nora Roberts. You do not watch the films of Matthew Barney, you watch the films of Michael Bay. So you're saying we should watch Bad Boys II? No. Well, yes. But not now. Bobson, what is the lowest art you can think of? That's easy: midget movies. Midget is...uh...not the proper term, Bobson. And what is the lowest form of video game? Don't say midget games. Don't say midget games. Don't say midget games. Eroge. The Japanese erotic visual novel. They are but flimsy pretexts for graphic displays of cartoon nudity, framed in poorly-written juvenile romance stories. I do not like where this is going. So you ask me: "Zizek, what does this have to do with pitching, or baseball, or anything of any relevance?" Well, while destiny is fake, it has nevertheless brought us together at a convenient time. I am in possession of one of these godawful pieces of dreck, and I believe that you will find it useful for reasons other than masturbatory. This is all fascinating, but am I the only one who notices the never-ending hallway we're in? It is symbolic. Truly, what is life but a never-ending hallway? Surely you do not anticipate the end so much that you hurry to reach it. If you say so. So you think that we need to play a x-rated Japanese visual novel to help Bobson? The greatest of insights comes from the lowest of art. Once, I convinced a suicidal man to embrace his existence by compelling him to listen to the greatest hits of Britney Spears. You do not understand the value of your own heartbeat until you are overwhelmed by the steady thrum of insipid pop. It is like the tick-tock of the devil's clock, and it forces you to keep living, if only to provide an alternate rhythm to the universe. I think we should do it, Moose. What's the worst thing that could happen? I haven't seen any cartoon breasts in like... three days. Okay, then it is decided. ♪ BGM: Zizek's Theme ♫ I do not approach my problems like you and Moose. I am not a pitcher, and thus I cannot use baseballs to overcome obstacles. Rather, I use critique to deconstruct ideas...and my enemies. Oh, critique? Like when you go to a restaurant and the soup is only warm, so you go on Yelp and write a review saying the food is "pedestrian". I can totally do that, too. I should kill you. Okay then... Currently, I can only use two types of critique. We may learn more as we continue our journey. What's the difference between the two? You would not understand. But I will try to explain. ... You're not saying anything. Exactly. I will demonstrate, by examining the concept of irony. So, thus we have arrived at another combat tutorial. Combat in this game is really not what you would have expected going into this game.  Anyway, Zizek has two types of critique he can use against enemies. Let's take one for a spin. Zizek applies a Marxist critique! Irony conceives of itself as the rejection of ideology, but it is an ideology all of its own. When you apply a critique, you are given two options to continue the thought. Choose the correct one and deal "damage". Choose the incorrect one and don't deal "damage". Here, let's pick "smash the system". Exactly! One cannot build with a gun, though one can always kill with a shovel.We need to get three correct to get through this tutorial, so let's do some more. Zizek applies a Kantian critique! Is it not true that an external environment is necessary for the establishment of the self? If so, and if we are to believe that we have any value, then we must believe that there exists counter-value beyond the bounds of our own flesh. "Appreciate". Exactly!And one more. We get the same one as above when we try another Marxist critique, though there are several different critiques that can be thrown at you randomly. With that, we've finished the tutorial.  Looks easy??? Are you kidding? You were just, like, talking. I can do that. Let's just move on and pretend that you never said anything. ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ He seemed like a strange man, and I didn't feel entirely comfortable with his plan to help me by playing an erotic Japanese video game, but we were running out of choices. More importantly, we were running out of time. The Machine had somehow gotten wind of Moose's idea to fix me using crossword puzzles, and foiled us before we could even begin. As we traveled to Zizek's house, the clock struck 12. It was midnight, and for all of Moose's optimism, I still hadn't even begun to learn a new pitch. Normally I would have never been caught dead playing a hosed up Japanese video game, but if someone as smart as Zizek thought it was what I needed, I was willing to swallow my pride and choke back disgust.  ♪ BGM: City Theme ♫ If you want something to eat, just check the refrigerator.And here we are. That'll be it for this update - next time, we dive into the wonderful world of eroge. And trust me - it's not going to go the way you think it will go. Then again, I doubt you have any real idea on how things will go at this point.
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May 26, 2019 23:17
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Update V - This Can Be Answered With A Single Word: Japan. ♪ BGM: City Theme ♫ So, before we get to our objective, let's first check out Zizek's apartment.  Now, he did allow us to raid the fridge, so let's do that.  Soda!  Presumably, it's good that we have this, and will be glad we got it at some point in the future.  The human fascination with the excretory derives from the fact that it is the only thing we do which we can know for certain is entirely productive. We laugh at poo poo because, to do otherwise, would acknowledge the frightful implication that it is our most sacred function.I don't believe I want to think further about this.  Now, on to the main event. First, a history lesson. drat it... In Japan, most people who play video games use consoles, and PCs are only used for a select few types of games. In fact, until recently, the PC was almost exclusively seen as the realm of niche and pornographic interactive media. The Visual Novel is a form of this media. There is very little gameplay in the visual novel. In many, the only way in which the player participates is through choice menus. Yeah, I guess that's accurate. Exactly! Rather odd, don't you think? Yes! But as you know, we have little time to consider these things. Other visual novels are more interactive. They feature life simulation aspects, or puzzles, and the genre has found its way into other types of game as well. Now, in their basic form, these are simple and inexpensive games to produce. They are relatively easy to code and distribute. As such, hundreds of these games were made, based on all sorts of ideas, and most were lost to the sands of time. How... tragic. What I have here is a rarity. It is a copy of an eroge adaptation of the classic Tom Hanks film "A League of Their Own." WHAT?TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:A League of Their Own is indeed, a movie with Tom Hanks in it. It was made in 1992. The plot is based on the real-life baseball league, the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League (AAGPBL) - and yes, that's quite a mouthful. Many visual novels are written in the style of the "harem" genre of anime and manga, in which a male character is introduced into a largely female cast. Naturally, the film "A League of Their Own", in which a male manager takes control of a baseball team full of women is perfect for the medium. The game was originally released four years after the film, and from reviews it is clear that the creators only saw trailers for the film. Ultimately, the game has very little to do with the plot of the movie. Now, as I am exploring the bounds of low art, you can imagine that loose eroge adaptation of a mainstream American film is very valuable to me. I have to believe that there will also be valuable clues for you in the depths of this text. Eh... I have my doubts. What do you think, Moose? This is all quite ridiculous. Well, if you're going to give me those choices... gently caress that. Three grown men playing an erotic anime game together? This is hella loving creepy. Do not think of it like that, Bobson. This is art, though it is terrible art, and there is much to be learned from any art of any form. ...fine. But if I get skeeved out at all, then I am leaving. Then I will boot it up. ♪ BGM: Their Own League ♫ And here we are. A game within a game. Let's check it out!  Hey! Wait a minute! It's been years since I took history but- It's a Japanese game, Bobson. My guess is that anyone playing this game doesn't want to be reminded of the real WWII. It makes perfect sense to me! When I sit down to masturbate, I'd much rather be distracted by revisionism than by atrocity and terror and so on. Thanks... Thanks for that. We should get back to the game.As of a result of young men leaving for the war, Major League Baseball was teetering on the edge of destruction. The owners came up with a plan to replace the depleted Major Leagues: This would be a women's league. A league of their own. GROAN. I really don't think we're going to learn anything from this game. Just go with it.  What time is it? How long was I asleep on that bus? How much did I have to drink? First there was the wine. Then the two whiskys. And then that fellow started in on me with the beer. I guess what they say is right: Whiskey before beer and wine, everything fine. Wine before whiskey before beer, puke off the pier. Oh god... Puke. I'm going to-- Hey! Hey Manager-san! Over here!You might notice at this point that I used Dugan's portrait here for a generic shot. I originally only wanted to use it for the other baseball players, but just ended up using it for everybody that didn't get a face of their own, or in this case, haven't had their face revealed yet. Ugh... Hold it together, Dugan. Yeah, who's there? N-no. Okay, maybe. Who's asking? The name is Haruka Rin, and I'm going to be your centerfielder. M-my Centerfielder? What's going on? Why did you call me Manager-san earlier? I guess we need to back things up a little bit! Do you know why you're here? ...no. Okay, then. Do you even know where "here" is? We're... We're outside of a bus. And this doesn't look like Chicago. Oh god, what happened last night? We were told that you signed a contract to be our manager! They even faxed over a copy!Dugan received a [Faxed Contract]! I, Jimmy Dugan, agree forthwith to manage the Rockford Peaches for a length of time heretowith undetermined and unbounded... for the compensation of fifty dollars a week plus a case of Suntory Whisky delivered every month. What have I done? You've agreed to be our manager, silly! I-I guess I have. Who are you again? We're the Rockford Peaches! Only the best all-girl baseball team east of the Mississippi. Oh, thank god... We're still east of the Mississippi. I don't believe the choices here do anything major, so I'm just kind of picking whatever. I have no idea how any of this happened. One minute, I'm drinking with Mr. Wrigley, the next I'm waking up on a bus in...Rockford? Rockford.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:This is an interesting departure from the movie which instead has it lining up with reality. You might know that the Chicago Cubs play in Wrigley Field, and if you didn't, you do now. I don't believe many people give the name much thought these days, since it's been in place since 1927, but I think it should be brought up that when we're talking about Wrigley, we indeed mean that Wrigley - the chewing gum company. The original founder of the company, William Wrigley Jr, became majority owner of the Chicago Cubs in 1921 and eventually named the team's stadium Wrigley Field. Guess I was tricked, and now I've signed this contract... I guess I should show you to your office. We'll all appreciate it if you close your door when we're showering or changing into our uniforms. Of course! I'll let you start to get situated. First practice is in an hour, so hopefully you're ready by then. Thanks, this is all very new to me. What was I thinking last night? I'm not a manager, and how will I deal with all of these women? I'm just an alcoholic, washed up ballplayer who only knows the game and the bottle. This is so unrealistic. He just straight-up recognizes his alcoholism? Not only that, he states it aloud for some reason. This is just how these games are! The graphics and storytelling are so simplistic that character details must be stated outright. This contract may very well be the death of me. Hey! I'm keeping that door closed for a reason! Well, here I am. Would you close the door? I was asked-- My name is Ai Suzuki! I play at first base, and I thought it would be important to introduce myself. Nice to meet you, Ai. So, Dugan-san, what is the plan for today? We are facing the South Bend Blue Sox.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:For reference, the Rockford Peaches and the South Bend Blue Sox were the main teams of the AAGPBL, being the only two teams to play the entire duration of the league in the same location. That means almost nothing to me. They're a running squad. Aggressive on the basepaths. We should be wary every time they get a runner on first. I'm glad you know these things... Something's wrong, isn't it Dugan-san? I shouldn't be here. Might as well be honest, I suppose. I was on a bus, talking to Mr. Wrigley. He got me really drunk and convinced me to sign this contract. I don't even remember it. Oh... That's why you're going to be our manager? Pretty much. You should come out to the field now. Everyone is dressed, and we are ready to practice! Let me just have a drink first... Still, they're going to figure out before long that I don't know anything about managing. Excuse me... But are you talking to yourself? What? No. Of course not. ♪ BGM: How Things Are ♫ Meet Kaminari. She's the best character in this game. I mean, she's the best character in this game. The best character in this game. Am I expressing this correctly? Whatever. And you are? My name is Kaminari Saito. But you can call me Kami. I'm the team's shortstop and the star hitter. Wait, why do all these characters have Japanese names? This takes place in America and this chick is white as gently caress. I think this will go a lot quicker if you stop questioning everything, Bobson. No! We must always question everything, even our own questions. So, what's up with the names? Like all of your questions so far, this one can be answered with a single word: Japan. But the game has obviously been translated into English, so why didn't the translator change the names to English names? Actually, now that you mention it, this is quite interesting. I suspect that in the original Japanese, the women all had English names, like Jimmy Dugan does. However, anyone in America who wants to play erotic visual novels--except us of course--does so because of a bizarre fixation on Asian culture. So the American translater changed everything but the names of the female characters into English, and actually changed those into Japanese? loving gross. Exactly. Now let's get back to it. So what can you tell me about the Rockford Peaches? Let's get a big picture view. How do we stack up with the rest of the league? We're a young team. We have a lot of potential. We're in last place, aren't we? Yep. You know, a lot of the women on this team were athletes before all of this got started. It is really ridiculous that it took a World War before anyone would consider watching women play sports. But that's just how things are... Well, I bet you'll be glad when this whole mess is over so you can go back to working in the kitchen and taking care of your children. I don't have any children. Then you'll have some! You're still young. Oh... Well, I should go take batting practice. I'll send Matsuki over--she's the starting pitcher today. You should go over the game plan with her. Yeah, the game plan... What am I going to tell these girls? Um... Dugan-san? Yes? ♪ BGM: Changeup Artist ♫ Yeah, you're a starting pitcher, right? ...yeah. We should talk over how we're going to deal with the Blue Sox today. I hear they're a running team. They steal a lot of bases. I don't like it when they do that. It rattles me. Any reason why? ...um...well... I suppose what Bobson would do here is pick the choice that isn't the obvious "get closer with character X" choice. How are you going to face the Blue Sox if you can't even face your own manager? Sorry, you're right... I have trouble with teams that run a lot because of how I pitch. My best pitch is a changeup, but because it moves so slowly, it is the easiest pitch to steal off of. I can fool the hitters, but anyone who is on base... There's nothing we can do to stop them. Huh, that's not good. I know that! Don't you think I know? I'll think about how we can fix this problem... I'll watch during the game and see if there are any adjustments we can make. Thanks, Dugan-san, I will go practice in the bullpen now. This just keeps getting harder and harder. I guess I'll head out onto the field...   I totally didn't mean to run into you like that! I'm so clumsy! And you are?♪ BGM: Pink Hair ♫ My name is Risa Koizumi. And don't worry, I'm 18 years old. Wait... What? Oh God. No no no no no no. I do not like where this is going at all. I'm the bat girl for the Peaches! Bat girl? Yep! But don't worry, I'm 18! Why do they keep reminding us? Why is it going down this road? Turn left, Jimmy! Turn left! So, what do you do around here? Oh, you know, whatever needs to be done. I handle the balls. When needed, I grab the bats and rub them with oil. Don't worry, I'm very economical. Not a drop goes to waste. Aggggghhhhhhh! Turn it off! Delete the game. Burn the computer. Destroy the building. Salt the Earth so that nothing grows again. Sounds like you're an important girl! Hm, let's pick the thing that probably won't raise our affinity points with the questionably legal girl that seems overly friendly and innuendo-laden. Let's say "the team must depend on you". Awww, thanks Dugan-san.Your affinity with Risa went up by one point! No! Let the record reflect that I did not want this! I DID NOT WANT THIS! Looks like the Blue Sox are about to arrive! It's almost game time! drat it, I never went over how we were going to prevent steals with Mitsuki. Guess it will have to wait. Can we take a break? I REALLY need a break. ♪ BGM: Spirits Among Us ♫ I haven't felt this dirty since I tried to make out with a girlfriend while we were watching "The Fly". Why would you do that??? I don't make good decisions, Moose! I admit, nothing about this game is sitting well with me. Oh, it is absolutely disgusting. But that is the point! Just let me know when you are ready to go back! Ugh.Well, we can't really do anything right now except return to the game (or save, I guess), so let's do that.   ♪ BGM: Silence ♫  ♪ BGM: Changeup Artist ♫ Ai! I'm listening. I can't help but notice I'm batting fifth. Yeah, that's where I decided to put you. I'm the best hitter on the team! I should be batting third! Okay, if you think so... Who do I have batting third now? You don't remember? I filled out the card two drinks ago. You have Kami batting third! How ridiculous is that? I looked at the stats, Ai. She has the best batting average on the team. Batting average is a terrible stat! It doesn't take into account patience or power or anything...anything at all! Ugh... I guess this isn't as easy as I thought. What do I do... ♪ BGM: How Things Are ♫ You don't need to-- She's right about the stat, but I am definitely the best hitter on the team. Are you kidding me, Kami? I have seven home runs. How many do you have? Three? And one of those was barely over the wall. Home runs aren't everything, either. Besides, any stats we have so far are such small sample sizes that they can't really be compared. I was the only one on the team who played baseball before the league started. Wait... What? I've been playing baseball for years, but this whole women's league finally gave me a chance to use my skills. Quit lying, Kami. You were recruited out of the dance halls like the rest of us. I'm not lying... Though I guess I understand why you don't believe me. Everyone has been conditioned to believe that women can't play sports, and-- You're just trying to confuse the issue! What really matters is the game, here today. And I should be batting third! But that's not really my choice, is it? Dugan-san, it's up to you. I'm... I'm not sure. Isn't it odd, Ai, that we have a male manager? No, why? If we're going to have all-female teams, shouldn't the manager be a woman, too? No, why? TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:To note, the AAGPBL teams were also generally managed by men who had some sort of baseball experience, partially out of the sexism of the people behind the league, and partially out of the people behind the league recognizing the sexism of the intended audience. I checked the real-life coaches for the Peaches and Blue Sox, and the only one I immediately recognized as a name I've seen before was Marty McManus, a solid infielder with a fourteen year major league career from 1921 to 1934. McManus was actually the manager for the Boston Red Sox in 1932 and 1933, so he actually had managing experience at the top level, too. Anyway, there's no "gently caress that" to pick here, but there is a "I'll just pick something completely different" option, so let's go with that. You know what? How about I don't let either of you bat third. I'll put Haruka in the third slot. Maybe that will show you not to fight. What?!?! She's not even a very good hitter! The only reason she's on the team is for her defensive ability! Don't let it shake you, Ai. He doesn't know what he's doing. This is just a power play to establish dominance. What did you say about me? What are you trying to imply? I'm pretty sure you said it yourself. You don't know what you're doing...and it shows. This is my decision, and you're both going to have to deal with it. Fine. No matter what you think, you don't control me. What? Mr. Wrigley might have made you my manager, but that's nothing but a title. The fact is, the only power you have over me is the power that I choose to give you. As soon as I decide to ignore your title... you're nothing but another man trying to tell me what to do. And you're not going to listen to a man telling you what to do? Not unless I want to. Just remember that...Jimmy Dugan. You know what, Bobson? I like this girl. She's way cooler than the others. You think? Of course! It is typical in games of this nature that there is one resistant female character. She is reluctant to engage in romance with the player character, and thus it is more difficult to acheive the ending featuring her story. So trying to get with her is like playing on "hard" difficulty? I suppose that is correct. In some ways, isn't romancing her the worst option? Holy poo poo, Bobson. Where did that insight come from? I dunno, I just think this game is hosed up. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable, and weirdly the idea of trying for the girl who's most totally not interested just creeps me out a bit. He makes a good point. Still, it's just a dumb game. We all know that it's not realistic, so why not try and get Jimmy to be with the most interesting character? Fine, I'll try and make sure he'll hook up with Kami. Really, I just don't want to end up with Risa. I mean, there is eventually nudity in these games, right? Because I am not a sex offender. Once the lineup was set, the game began. ♪ BGM: The Virtual Game ♫ No, don't pitch around that hitter! She can't handle the outside curve! Throw the outside curve! Take the next pitch! You know they aren't going to throw you a strike! It's a straight steal! Don't throw the changeup when you know it's a straight steal! Argh! No! This team is a mess! They're trying their hardest... Their hardest isn't good enough. We're never going to win any games like this. I straight up accidentally pushed this choice away before I could even see it. However, you can probably imagine what would come out of the second option. It's "You're right. They should play harder. I like it hard.". You're right, they're really pushing themselves out there. Thanks for being so compassionate, Dugan-san. Your touch is so soft and gentle.Your affinity with Risa went up by one point! What? What the hell! gently caress!  Try harder! I like that first option. That's some fine managing. Try harder any way! It can't hurt! O-okay... Haruka, looks like you're up to bat! We're only a run behind, so I need you to get a hit. Doesn't have to be more than a single, just get the runner to third so a long fly ball ties it. Make contact! Right! What??? Are you kidding? That way she can't hit into a double play in front of me. Give me a chance, Dugan-san! I can do this! Your batting average says otherwise. You're a good fielder, but you're not that great with the bat. Weren't you saying something before the game about batting average not being a very good stat? Well, there are times it's useful... TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:Did I explain the bunt before? I did, actually. Well, let me just say at this point that bunting has very much fallen out of favor in recent times, though it is kinda-sorta making a comeback, due to teams paying a lot more attention to where a hitter commonly hits the ball and shifting their defensive players in that direction. A bunt aimed at the newly vacated area can then be very effective. However, in this situation, a bunt isn't really a great idea. Okay, Haruka, go ahead and swing away. You know, as long as the pitch is in the zone. Yay! Don't worry, Dugan-san, I won't disappoint you!Your affinity with Haruka went up by one point!   We lost.  I don't know what to say. We didn't play well out there. The Blue Sox had our number from the first inning and they never let up. ♪ BGM: Changeup Artist ♫  Y-you're right, Kami. But I still let them run wild on me. There was nothing I could do to stop it. Weren't you going to work with her on that? I didn't have time! Too busy drinking, I guess. D-don't talk to Dugan-san like that, Kami! Why not? He's just trying to help us! Well, when you put it like that... No, you're right, Kami. If it weren't for a drunken bet with Mr. Wrigley, I'd never even be here. Thank you for being honest.Your affinity with Kami went up by one point! No matter what, it's clear that we need to work on Mitsuki's pitching motion. Mitsuki, Haruka... Let's head out to the practice field. ♪ BGM: Their Own League ♫  Then we're going to have to work on your pitching motion, make it more efficient when there are runners on base. But it won't be good to just change your motion when you throw the changeup, then the hitters will know its coming. So I need to learn to pitch from the stretch? Yeah, something like that. I'm just going to go grab a drink. I need a drink... Again??? Yeah, so? I don't know, Dugan-san... Why do you drink so much? It's... It's a long story. Maybe you should tell me. ...another time. I don't have a problem, I can quit whenever I want to! Well, I don't need your help. Oh... Psh, who does she think she is... Trying to help me... I don't need her help. Here comes the changeup! Woah! I was totally fooled by that pitch! Good, good, Mitsu. You really tied her up with that. But we need to make your move to the plate a little faster. Let me take a look... You just have to speed up how much you move your legs, and snap your arm around a little faster. Show me how you hold the baseball. Well, it's just a bit further back in my hand as I'm getting ready to throw. Then I form a ring with my index finger and thumb, within the seam. Wow, that's quite the pitch. As I release it, I rotate my wrist just a bit. That gives it a bit of break that the batter doesn't expect. Fascinating!Dugan, Mitsuki, and Haruka practiced long into the evening, helping her fix her pitching mechanics.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ I think you're learning a new pitch!♪ BGM: The Entrance ♫ My whole body is tingling! This feels amazing! This is definitely not still Zizek's apartment. You've done well, Bobson. Pedro Martinez??? That's right, my friend. What are you doing here in this strange dream world of space? Who better to appear out of the ether to teach you a changeup? So Moose is right! I am learning a new pitch. The changeup is the simplest trick known to man. The batter expects a pitch to come at one speed, and you surprise him with something slower. It is elegant in its base nature, and it will serve you well, as it has served me.Bobson has learned the changeup! I can feel the wisdom of pitchers past flow through my veins. Satchel Paige. Jim Palmer. Trevor Hoffman. The masters of changing speeds call to me and teach to me their creed. The off-speed pitch. The slow ball. The change of pace. I understand it now. It all makes sense. Thank you, Pedro Martinez. Understand, young Bobson, that the changeup only works in concert with your fastball. You must make the batter believe that a fastball is on the way, and he will be unable to hit your change. Now, we will test your new pitch. I have to face someone already? I have to make sure you're ready. Just remember, use the changeup to fool the hitter when he's looking for a fastball. All right, are you ready? Let's do this! Alright, let's give this a shot. Bobson throws a fastball! Strike 1! The batter swung right through the heat! Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 1! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 2! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! The hitter is now looking for a fastball! There we are. Bobson throws a changeup! Strike 2! The batter got out in front of that pitch and just missed the change-up. Let's try it again. Bobson throws a changeup! The hitter turns on the pitch! It's hit HARD down the line...but it's just foul. Close call for Bobson, but no harm done on the foul ball. Still two strikes on the batter. The hitter is now looking for a changeup! OK, that's not optimal, but we've got him looking change, so back to the heat. Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 3! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! Welp, full count. Uh, I guess we'll just jam it in and hope for the best. Bobson throws a fastball! Strike 3! The batter swung right through the heat! Bobson struck him out! Bobson is victorious!  So that's it? I'm ready to face the Machine tomorrow? Not so fast, Bobson. Your journey isn't over yet. You may have a new pitch, but you haven't accomplished all your current tasks. What do you mean? You still have to finish the game. What? Why? I have what I came for. No, you don't. You're being just as cryptic as Zizek now! A great challenge awaits you in the immediate future, and you will need something that lies further in your exploration of the game. What kind of "something"? Or are you just going to be all mysterious for the sake of being mysterious? When Moose and Zizek are like that it pisses me off, but you're Pedro Martinez so I'll let it fly. Finish the game, Bobson.Hey, guess what? I have a lot of stuff to say about those guys that were just mentioned! But guess what? It's so much it made this loving update go past the character limit, so I'm pushing this out to another post. Check below for lots and lots of words about baseball.
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May 30, 2019 17:28
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Update V-II - Super Mega Character Limit Explosion Panic! Now, here's the stuff I wanted to add about those last few pitchers that were mentioned. TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
loving hell, that was a lot. And that'll be where we cut this update. Next time, we really get into this game. I mean, this game. I mean, this game. Oh, whatever.
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May 30, 2019 17:29
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gyroball posted:A very important irony that everyone needs to know is that I now make visual novels. Well, I mean, how couldn't you after the masterpiece you crafted that is 女子野球よ, 永蝉丨二! Truly, you had to know that visual novels were your calling after that.
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May 31, 2019 12:22
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Update VI - The Strangest Part Is That I Am Not On Drugs. ♪ BGM: The Entrance ♫ You're back! You disappeared into thin air, which is not the strangest part; the strangest part is that I am not on drugs. I did it, guys! I learned how to throw a changeup! Excellent! I knew that you would have much to learn from the low arts. I admit, this was a lot more productive than my idea of watching midget movies. So that's it? We can go home and get some rest before game seven. Not so fast... We have to finish the game. WHAT? This is what I like to hear! You are committed to exploring the darkness, which is fantastic because all is darkness, especially light. I know it sounds crazy, but I had a vision. We can't just stop here. We have to keep going. Listen, Bobson, if you want to see naked women, we can go buy some pornography on the way home. This isn't about pornography! This is something I think we have to do! Slight correction, Bobson: Everything is about pornography. That said, Moose, aren't you curious how this game ends? I know how it ends! Dugan has sex with one of the female characters, it's poorly animated, and I go home and have to take an extra shower. You are more familiar with these games than you let on. You really think we need to finish this, Bobson? You've asked me to trust you through some crazy ideas tonight. Yeah, I think we need to see this through. Okay, fine. Lets get this over with. ♪ BGM: Their Own League ♫ Granted, when the disembodied spirit of Pedro Martinez tells you to jump, the only thing you ask is "how high?" But it was more than that. I knew somewhere in my heart that he was right. I didn't understand it. It didn't make any sense, but I just knew it. There was something more waiting for us inside the game. Looks like we have to decide whether or not to bench Haruka... She has not been playing well for the Peaches, but she is the first person we met from the team. I do not think we can just take her from the lineup.Your affinity with Haruka went up by one point! I feel good about this decision.As we went along, I could tell that we were starting to get sucked in. As much as Zizek liked to mock the story as low art, it was hard not to identify with the Peaches and their struggles. I suppose if you spend enough time doing something, it will begin to seem meaningful...even if it is a poorly written computer game. Ai has been something of an foil to the main character, but it is clear that she is simply too driven. She's been a total bitch. What have I told you about gendered insults, Bobson? That... They're totally awesome? No. Fine. Ai has been a total *bastard*, are you happy? Woah, let's not bring adopted children into this. Ai just wants to find someone on her level who she can make an emotional connection with. It is terribly unfortunate that in the construct of the virtual world, the only way she can make this connection is through the male protagonist's penis. Woah! Warn me before you go there. Why? Does it trouble you when I use the word "penis"? Well, yeah. Oh, to have the single-minded focus of Sigmund Freud at a moment such as this; but alas, I am too easily distracted because of capitalism. Let's just stop talking about these things. Give Ai what she wants, even if she is a motherfucker. Victims of incest are not-- Oh COME ON! I am telling Ai that she can be the hitting coach, if either of you are still paying attention to the game.Your affinity with Ai went up by one point! The story took a dark turn near the middle, that I suppose was inspired by the film. The husband of one of the other players is killed during a battle against the Koreans. Jimmy helps the team rally around the tragedy, and when the player has to leave to attend the funeral, Risa takes her spot on the roster.  ♪ BGM: Pink Hair ♫ After all, I'm totally 18 years old. Ugh... I really hoped we were done with this character. Just do whatever it takes to make sure that Dugan doesn't end up with Risa. I'm going to feel lovely enough about the inevitable sex scene as it is. Okay, the choice is whether to play her at catcher or at second base. Neither of those choices are obviously bad. Which do you think we should go with to make her hate us? Well, let's try catcher.  Besides, I am very comfortable on my knees.Your affinity with Risa went up by one point! Oh what the hell? This is all so wrong. I don't know, Bobson. Maybe you're just good at seducing "18" year old girls. Shut up.One by one, Dugan helped the team with their hang-ups. He turned them from the laughing-stock of the league into a contender for the championship. The last day of the season came down to a one-game playoff between the Peaches and the Blue Sox. I guess we have to decide whether or not to start Mitsuki. She's the best pitcher, but the Blue Sox win by stealing a lot of bases. Even though Dugan helped her with the stretch... It is a risk, but it is a risk that we have to take! You're right. Mitsuki it is.Your affinity with Mitsuki went up by one point! Mitsuki didn't disappoint, shutting out the Blue Sox and leading the Peaches to the playoffs in their inaugural season. There was only one playoff series--the World Series--and the team barely had time to celebrate. One player, however, didn't feel like celebrating...   ♪ BGM: How Things Are ♫ We're headed to the playoffs! Mitsu did a great job tonight, and because of that we've got a shot at a world title. Ha. World championship. I know you don't really believe that. What do you mean? You played baseball. Real baseball. You know this is all a farce. The fans don't come to watch us play. They want to watch us slide around in the dirt in short skirts. They want to see us struggle and fail, as if to remind them of how much better the real Major Leagues are. I... I don't think that's true. Be honest. Why do you think we sell tickets? I don't know. And that's the point. You're a baseball player. You know that there's no real reason to come see us play. At best, we're a cheap replacement for the real thing. At worst, we're being exploited. What's the value of winning that kind of championship? It's better than losing that kind of championship. Heh. Guess you're right about that. I guess I should be glad that I ever got to play baseball at all. It just feels so hollow. It... It is a privilege afforded very few. You know, I should still be playing. Young enough that I can still hold a bat, but old enough that they wouldn't strap a rifle in my hands... There's still a spot for me in the Majors, but I'm just not the person to take it. Why not? The official story? Sinus condition. But I think you probably know the truth. Can't go a couple innings without a drink. You know who my favorite player was, growing up? It wasn't me, was it? That would be embarassing. Woody English. He hit .335 in 1930 and scored 152 times. That was a very formative year for me. He was a hell of an infielder. You know, I played against him in 1929. That second option is just too tempting not to take. I have a feeling that rooting for the Cubs is always a losing proposition. Maybe you're right... Still, I grew up with English and Wilson, Hartnett and Cuyler. Nothing's going to change me now. Nothing wrong with that. That's the best way to be a fan. I know these are weird circumstances, but we're going to be playing for a championship. That's always a good thing. You're right. I just hope it means something when the war is over. That's up to you. Make it mean something. Okay. I will.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:So, let's talk about the players Kami grew up watching. First, let's just go over the years these players were Cubs.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ I don't think I can make it home tonight. I'll just crash in my office. Who's there? Risa, what are you doing here? I don't want to be alone tonight, Dugan-san. You don't have to call me Dugan-san anymore... You can call me Dugan-chan. Oh my god. What have I done? That's it! Stop the game! What do you mean? This is wrong. This is all hosed up. You just now figured that out? Yeah, I was on the "This Is hosed Up" train since it left the station back when you suggested we play an erotic video game. This game enforces horrible trends of patriarchal control and dominance and so on, and so on. We have to do something to stop it. Ghost Pedro said-- Never mind your visions, Bobson. How are we going to stop anything? This game was made back in the 90s, in another country. If it did any cultural damage, the damage can't be undone fifteen years later. No, but we can undo the damage in this particular copy of the game, installed on my comptuter. I don't understand. What is the first lesson I taught you, Bobson? Shave if I start to get gray in my beard?♪ BGM: Zizek's Theme ♫ No. Games have rules, and rules are made by those with power who want more power. The only way to truly win at a game is to change the rules. So we must change the rules. What, like programming? I mean, I guess we could hack the game to have a different story but this is getting ridiculous. Game 7 of the World Series is tomorrow. Wait, Moose. I'm curious. Of course you are. You're the one who said we should go with Zizek! I'm just extending that to its natural conclusion, which is that if he says something is smart-- You should never listen to smart people, Bobson. Even... No, especially me. Just tell us what your plan is. Do we need to go find a computer programmer? No, nothing so prosaic. We shall enter the game itself and change the progression of events with our own actions. ENTER the GAME? Never mind, you are insane. Moose, we should move on. Yeah... No, it is not as crazy as it sounds. I will use an arcane ability known as Ontology to take us inside the game. Ontology? But I don't have cancer. That's "oncology", Bobson. And I don't know what Zizek is going on about, ontology is just the study and categorization of what is real. It's not going to take us into a video game. Ah, Moose, you are speaking of Theoretical Ontology. I speak of Applied Ontology. Applied...Ontology? The philosophical art of altering what is real and what is not. It will allow us to make ourselves unreal, and enter an unreal world. This is what Pedro Martinez wanted me to do. This is why he wanted me to continue playing the game, so we could do this. So you are with me, Bobson? And you, Moose? I guess I'm curious. Exquisite! I will begin the process. Wait-- Will we be back by game time? Time in the unreal passes at a fraction of time in the real. Did you not watch the film Inception? I didn't get it. At the end, I wasn't sure what it was trying to say. Was the main character Jewish? I like to think he was Jewish, because the dreidel wobbled. ...I'm just gonna let that one go. What do we need to do, Zizek? Well, first, I need you to hold on to this photograph of Edmund Husserl and hold the word "dasein" in your head.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ So we are actually inside the game now? Is that not apparent? We're not two-dimensional static portraits hovering over a background image...so no. It's really a shame, because that seemed like a much more convenient way to get around. Just fade out and you're wherever you need to go next. This is because of how we perceive the world. Reality as we experience it is only a construct of our brains. Thus, we experience this unreality as if it were our own style of reality, not as it was presented to us from the computer screen. I guess that makes sense... Are you just saying that? Maybe. It does not matter. We need to interfere before Risa does something that she will regret. Or to be more accurate, before she does something that the rules of this unreality will not allow her to regret. The concepts of consent and hindsight are all rather muddied by the fact that we are in a virtual construct. To be honest, this is all theoretical and we may be just wasting our time. Of course, all of life may be theoretical and we may be wasting our time living. I thought you said we need to hurry! Oh yes, right. What the hell is going on? Who are you? Yeah, that might take a *lot* of explanation. There is a book which can explain everything, unfortunately I will not write that book until the year 2021. This is a private office! Technically, we controlled you for the last-- Hey!♪ BGM: Pink Hair ♫ Would you please leave us alone? It was hard enough coming to Dugan-san's office without someone barging in and interrupting. Yeah, that's what we want to talk about... You... You knew how I felt about-- Listen, Risa, the only reason you want to be with Jimmy Dugan is because you are a character in a video game. Video...game? You really should wait for my book, though I suppose if this is 1943 you will likely be dead before it is released. To put it simply, Risa, what you believe is reality is actually a virtual construct scripted in the year 1995 and later realized on a computer... in the year 2016. The scripting of this construct has allowed for your free will to be overridden by a short series of binary choices. These choices, selected by me and my associates, have caused you to experience a sexual attraction which, quite frankly, is a horrifying idea. That wasn't simple at all, Zizek! What do you mean? I did not resort to explaining the situation in German, even though the German language has far better words for this situation.♪ BGM: Silence ♫ Stop it! I need you to get out of my office RIGHT NOW! Huh, he seems angry. This is a typical response. He is realizing that the position he holds in this world is privileged, and that our interference threatens that. He is the Reconstruction-era former Confederacy of States, forming his own Ku Klux Klan deep in his heart. God drat, Zizek, you didn't have to draw that comparison! The only thing I will refuse to draw is a picture of a horse, and that is for reasons that I will never disclose. I'm... I'm still confused. Are you saying that I don't really want to have sex with Dugan-san? That's a good question, that I'm still not sure Zizek has answered. No, because ultimately everyone wants to have sex with everyone else, and we only allow society to restrict those desires. What? What? WHAT? I would not expect any of you to understand. Zizek, what are we doing here? Risa, here is what you must know: The feelings that you are experiencing are the result of the strange and uncomfortable rules which control your world. Our choices put you here, and we could not in good conscience allow this to continue without informing you of what had transpired. I'm so confused... You should be. This is all quite distressing, even to me. I... I think I need to go. I need to think this over. I'm sorry, Dugan-chan. I need some time. Risa, wait! And off she goes. What... What have you done? This is for the best.So, that just happened. We just invaded a hentai game to tell the girl about to have sex with the main character that she actually isn't doing this of her own free will because she's forced into this situation because of the fact that she's in a video game. Next time, we head back out and see what we end up doing next now that Bobson has the pitch he needs. TheMcD fucked around with this message at 01:02 on Jun 1, 2019 |
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Jun 1, 2019 00:55
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Yeah, you basically need to make all the correct choices towards each character to get them instead of Risa. It doesn't change much - there's some minor dialogue changes, but that's about it. Makes sense, too, given that you need to do things exactly right to get them.
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Jun 1, 2019 11:16
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CommissarMega posted:Aw, I was hoping we'd get some extra moves or something if we ended up with, say, Ai. If that was the case, I'd have gone that route. I have RPG Maker vision, after all.
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Jun 1, 2019 23:19
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Update VII - Ended Up Spending Almost Four Hours Singing Show Tunes. Alright, so last time, we invaded a hentai game just to stop loving from happening, and now it's time to leave. I do not see any reason why not. We have done a good thing here, my friends. We have begun to sow the seeds of dissent. Whether those seeds will blossom into the flower of revolution, or be ground to dust by the millstone of oppression will be up to the people of this world. Just get on with the ontology. Remember, my friends, "dasein". This is quite troublesome. Oh, you think so? You think it is "troublesome" that we might be trapped in a hentai adaptation of "A League of Their Own" for the rest of our lives? I do not believe that I ever used the word "trapped"...nor the word "hentai". Once again, Moose, I believe you show that you know this genre too well. Just try the magic again! Something is quite wrong. ♪ BGM: Dugan ♫ This isn't your world. You don't belong here. Dugan? What the gently caress do you want? Did you really think it would be so easy? That you could just waltz into someone else's world, disrupt everything, and just walk away? I am a philosopher. It is my job to disrupt people's world then walk away. Philosopher? Heh. That's one way to put it. You said that you made my choices for me, what did you mean by that? Like this but blue, and we'd choose what you would say or do. We were doing this so that you would hook up with one of the hot anime chicks. But totally not the pink haired girl, because I am not a sex offender. That voice I heard in my head... The little whisper, nudging me towards one word and the next... That was you. It was mostly Zizek and Moose. I think this whole thing is kinda weird, and I don't want anyone thinking that I'm "into" it. Bobson! You're the one who insisted that we keep playing! That was ghost Pedro Martinez, not me. Shut up! All of you! You did this to me! You brought me to this moment. You didn't interfere when I lost my playing career. You didn't interfere when I took my first drink. You never went and fixed all the problems that led to this point, but just as soon as something started to go right --something you claim you gave me-- you swept in and took it away. Why? Why would you do that? The system was flawed. The rules were wrong. We could not abide them. You have to realize, Mr. Dugan, that there is nothing inherently sinful about being privileged by the invisible structures of society. Nevertheless, when you are confronted with the truth of your privilege, you must-- Shut up! This was none of your business! This is not your world! But... If it is so important to you, perhaps the only fitting thing to do... Would be to keep you here. What are you talking about? Oh no... I would remark that this is impossible, but that is a stupid word. This is my world. You may have been able to make the choices for me from your own universe, but here I am the main character. I can nullify your magic, and keep you in this realm until the day you die. Oh poo poo! Some day, I'm going to die! gently caress! More importantly, if Dugan has his way, you're going to die here. I'm still not sure where here is! Well, I have a World Series to prepare for. I will leave it up to you to figure out where you go from here. I hope you like drinking and watching girls play baseball, because those are the only things to do around here. No, I will not be trapped here. I will have to start my philosophical work all over again. THAT is your biggest concern? Yes. Drinks...girls...baseball... This might be paradise. We still have a World Series to win in the real world! Oh poo poo! We gotta get out of here! Zizek, what do we do? Let me think... I need to regroup myself. We should find someplace to stay the night. Do not worry, my friends, remember that time passes much slower in this world. Okay, but you better come up with something. ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ It was bizarrely empty. Not just of people, but of objects, decorations, even rooms... Zizek tried to explain it, noting that the game was only coded to a certain number of locations, and as such we were limited as to where we could go and what we could see. The idea was terrifying to me. Suddenly a world of nothing but drinking, girls, and baseball didn't sound so appealing. If we were stuck here, we were stuck in the stadium. No, worse, we were struck in the parts of the stadium relevant to the game.  ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ No, it makes perfect sense. There has to be a bedroom. And why is that, Moose? For a sex scene, obviously. You haven't been paying any attention, have you? I'm pretty sure they were just going to hook up in Dugan's office, the way things were going before we interfered. Well, yeah... But typically there are multiple sex scenes. The first one is more sudden; it is the climax of the story. The other is slower, and more rewarding. It occurs after all the other conflict has resolved. It is the denouement. You REALLY know a lot about this stuff, don't you? I know a lot about a lot of stuff. The boy is right. You seem to have a surprising expertise with all things related to Japanese eroge. I don't want to talk about it. Moose, we're stuck here. Anything you could tell us that would help us get home would be useful. I spend a decent amount of time on the internet. That's all. I pick these things up. Have you picked anything up that would help us out of this mess? No. We're in a pretty obscure mess, after all. I suppose there are not too many people who have been trapped in these sorts of games by magic. Yes, Bobson, you suppose right. Dugan is the problem. If we can get rid of him, we can go home. Right? Your theory is sound, Bobson. He clearly is capable of some sort of magic which is counteracting my Ontology. So, what do we do? We make him stop! I have a game 7 to close out! If I remember right, the Championship series starts tomorrow. That means Dugan will have to return to the field to manage. We can confront him then. We have time, right? Waiting until tomorrow won't-- You won't be late for your game, Moose. Spending a whole day in unreality will only take up a mere hour in reality. Well this still sucks and we shouldn't have done it. Let us just try and get some rest. Does this mean that I will be well-rested in the real world? Because if I can get a full night's sleep in a mere hour with this Ontology of yours, I might just have to go back to community college to learn philosophy. One does not merely LEARN Ontology. Let's just head out to the field, find Dugan, and get all of this over with. Agreed. We have spent far too many minutes of our lives worrying about a world that does not, technically, exist. ♪ BGM: The Virtual Game ♫ Let's have a look around. What's with the weird invisible barriers? Why can't we go further out into the field? Remember what I said, young Bobson. The only parts of this world that exist are those that are rendered within the game. Currently, we are on the "screen" that represents the home dugout. We cannot move beyond what exists in this virtual construct. loving weird.Alright, let's go and talk to people.  Nope! I bet he'll get here soon! He's totally reliable! How about you hang out with me until he shows up? I know how to please-- NO! Hi, Mitsuki. H-how do you know my name? You wouldn't believe it if I told you. It's a pretty hosed up story. Oh. But I really want to thank you. You can't understand, but you helped me a lot. But we've never met... I know, but thanks to you I have the secondary pitch I need. I learned your change-up. My change-up...? That's right! I couldn't have done it without you, though I admit at the time I didn't really think of you as a person. I... I have no response to that. You did a good thing for me, Mitsuki, and that's why we're here. We're going to help you out. Help me out? Dugan... He's not the man you think he is. We need to defeat him. Do you know where we can find him? No... I expected him to be here. That's okay. We'll keep looking. My name is Bobson, and who I am is a very difficult thing to explain. What are you doing in the dugout? Are you scouts? Reporters? Nothing like that. Where's Dugan? Haven't seen him. Not since yesterday. drat it! He's probably off drinking somewhere. That's what he does. We know. Uh... Sure, you could say that. Huh, I didn't know we had any negro fans. WHAT? Settle down, Bobson. This is 1943, so-- No it's not! This game was made in the 90s! Maybe they were going for historical realism? I highly doubt that! It is just a word, Bobson. So I shouldn't take it seriously? No, you should take it more seriously than the deepest wound. Um, excuse me... I thought we were having a conversation. Yeah, we were until-- Miss Haruka, have you seen Jimmy Dugan around? No, sorry... Haven't seen him. Weird, he's usually here before all of us. Thanks. That's uh... That's because we're from another universe. Bobson! It would be best if our status in this world remain a secret, though I suppose that is already out of the proverbial window. I was just trying to be friendly... What do you mean by "another universe"? Nothing. My friend was just mouthing off. No, no he wasn't. You're hiding something. Never! If you're from somewhere other than this stadium, I want to know about it. As far as I can tell, I can't leave the field, even though I know there's a world beyond the outfield walls. That's horrible! So you ARE from somewhere else? Nice job, Bobson. What was I supposed to do, lie to her? So, why are you here? We need to find your manager, Jimmy Dugan. Why? We can't go back home unless we find him. Well, good luck. To be honest, he always gave me the creeps. ♪ BGM: Dugan ♫ How did he do that? W-what's going on? Somehow, our presence here has allowed Dugan to use magic. What? Why? I don't know. Zizek? I theorize that Applied Ontology may have some side effects that I was unable to predict. We didn't have much choice! What a shame... I hope you guys stick around for the championship game. You cost me the girl, but I will recover. I will win this game and prove myself. And then... Then I will have my revenge. Oh, really? What are you going to do? You really don't get it, do you? Ever since you made me realize that I am just a character in a game, I've been thinking... The only parts of this world that exist are the parts that were coded. And the game, as you call it, ends after the championship...doesn't it? Wait... If the only places that exist are the game locations, to the point where we can't even walk out onto certain parts of the field... What does happen when the game is over? When my story is over, the game ends. Everything inside the game ends... Even you. Zizek, please tell me this isn't true? We won't cease to exist when the game ends, will we? That is certainly a possibility. Oh god this just keeps getting worse. This is like that time I accidentally went to that gay bar, and the guy hit on me, and suddenly I couldn't just leave. I didn't want him to think I was homophobic or anything, it was all just a weird honest mistake. Ended up spending almost four hours singing show tunes, and now I know the words to every song in Yentl and-- This is going to end up worse than the week you couldn't stop humming "Papa Can You Hear Me", Bobson. We're going to die, and being trapped inside a video game when it ends sounds like a pretty bad way to go. At least it should be painless, right? I am not so sure. We are in uncharted territory. Perhaps to die this way is entirely peaceful, but perhaps it is also an agony never known to men before. So it is really a crap shoot. We won't let you do this, Dugan! This isn't right! Oh, stop the whining, Mr. Bobson. There is no crying in baseball. loving FINALLY! What? Ever since we started up this game, I have been waiting for that line. Yeah, it really was kind of strange that we didn't hear it before now. What are all of you talking about? Heh, looks like he doesn't understand everything about this world. QUIET!  Do not be too hard on him; he has long been the hero of his own story, he is only now adjusting to being the villain. He has not yet learned that the words hero and villain are merely concepts that we apply onto actions. I don't care, I don't want to die here. Neither do I, Bobson. We'll have to figure something out. We are not too far from the championship game... Let's go check out the locker room... What are we even going to do if we find him? Doesn't he have some kind of magic powers in this world? I have the feeling that you are asking me this question. You are the one who put us in this predicament. This is a completely unexpected result of Applied Ontology. There are *expected* results? I would say that it is a science, but the term "science" is deceptive in that it pre-supposes the existence of truth. Would you *please* just make sense for once? No. Kami! What are you doing here? You're looking for Dugan, aren't you? Like I said, we need to find him so we can go home. Yeah, and we have to figure out what to do about his magic. I think I might have an answer for that. I think the reason that he can use magic is because he's the-hm-I guess you would call him the main character of this game. If this "Applied Ontology" I heard you talking about is capable of changing reality, maybe it has created a reality centered around him. A reality he can manipulate. That sounds correct. Perhaps I have made a gross miscalculation. I believed that changing the rules of this world was a good thing. But I failed to consider that the act of changing the rules might create new, unintended rules. It's like when baseball banned the spitball. The pitch was outlawed, in part, out of fear for the safety of the players. A dirty, scuffed up ball was harder to see and avoid if thrown at the head. But banning the spitball ended up removing the easiest kind of breaking ball for a pitcher to throw. Pitchers ended up throwing more curves and, later, sliders and split-finger deliveries that were harder on their arms. A rule enacted for the safety of the players may have led to considerably more arm injuries. Yeah, it's exactly like that! Were you listening to a word I said? Nah, I was thinking about whether a tiger or a bear would win in a fight. That's just dumb. A tiger, obviously. Nah, I think it would be the bear. How does any of this help us? Well, if somewhere along the line we end up needing to choose between going into a room with a tiger in it or a bear in it-- That is not what I meant! We know that Dugan can use magic, and it is likely because I made his world reality with Applied Ongology. But how do we stop him? Dugan is a drunk. Yeah, we know. We played the game. We also saw the movie, and I am pretty sure Tom Hanks never used magic. I mean, I did sleep through the middle but that would have been a hell of a left loving turn. It was part of the story that Dugan would sober up. One of the girls poured out all of his liquor yesterday, and he was going to get all mad about it... But he would get over it and break his addiction because of the power of love or some poo poo. Wait- What did you just say? I think she said "poo poo". You're drat right I did. I've spent my whole life acting like this game says I should act, and I never understood why. Now I know, and I'm not going to put up with any more of it. To start, I put a bottle of whiskey on his desk. You did WHAT? I kicked him off the wagon. After he confronted you, he came in here and found it. God knows where he is right now... ...but give him a bit of time while he gets wasted before the championship game. I bet his magic won't be so strong. Holy poo poo! Thanks, Kami! I didn't do it for you. I did it because I wanted to see him fail. He's spent this whole game ruling over us, controlling us, using us... I wanted him to know he'll never be the strongest thing in the world. The liquor will always be able to reduce him to a red-faced, sweating, mumbling incoherent mess. I wanted to see it break him. ... ... Remind me never to piss you off. That's probably a good idea. So, where would he go to drink? There aren't many options... He is probably in the bedroom. It is likely that he was drawn there, as that is where he would be right now if the story had progressed as intended. His second love scene with his romantic interest would take place right before the climactic game, perhaps even intercut so their climaxes would-- I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. What are we waiting for? Let's get going!Hey, guess what? This update is over now because I really hosed up gauging the length of what I'm working on and broke the loving character limit again. So next time, we'll confront Dugan! When is next time? Immediately!
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Jun 3, 2019 22:24
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Update VIII - I'll Do Worse Than Just Hit Him! I'll Use Math! Now, it's time to confront Dugan. We just want to go home. Let Zizek take us out of here and we'll leave you alone. You really don't get it, do you? It's too late for that. You've gone and messed everything up. Look at me... *hic* I was supposed to redeem myself. This was supposed to end with me becoming a better person. Then you decided that you knew better... I'm sorry, but you're using magic to try and kill us by trapping us in the end of a video game, so you're not very sympathetic right now. I don't care! Don't you see? Nothing matters anymore. Stop it! Do you realize what you're saying? That the only meaning in your life was the control that you could exert over us? Do you even realize how hosed up that is? Heh, darling, you shouldn't talk like that. DON'T CALL ME DARLING! I'll... I'll do whatever I want to do. Have you forgotten? This is my story. Begone! What's going on? My magic... What did you do? It's what you did to yourself, Dugan. So this is how it goes. I should have expected as much. For all of your lofty ideals, you are no better than me. You speak of high ideals, but you still result to the lowest of tactics. No matter... I know what you have done. It didn't have to be this way, Dugan. You might hate us for changing your story, but we were the ones who started it in the first place. Up until yesterday, we were right along with you. We wanted you to succeed. Just... Not like this. It's not my fault! This is the only world I know. I was created for this world, for the purpose of fulfilling the desires of the people who play this game. People like you. Now you deny me of the very thing I was created to accomplish, and you tell me that I am evil because I resist. NO! This is my world, and I can fix this! I WILL DESTROY YOU! This is bad, Bobson. It looks like we're going to have to fight him. Yeah, I don't think there's any getting around that... Only one of us can face him... While having a pitching duel seems appropriate, philosophizing at people as combat is better. Zizek. I choose Zizek. Do not worry. I will be super effective. Fascinating... You do not even play baseball, do you? What need do I have of games, when I can dismantle you with critique? Go ahead, then! Do your worst! Alright, here we are. Let's start out with some Marxist critique. Zizek applies a Marxist critique! How did you grow up, Mr. Dugan? What do you mean? Were you poor or rich? Poor, I suppose. Then how can you be so blind to the oppression which you are part of? Well, the manager can't be it - the manager usually gets paid a fairly low amount compared to star players. So it'll have to be the player character. As the player character, you are the bourgeois. You actually do not have any personality of your own. This is an implicit requirement of a player character within a video game. The player must be able to see himself within his avatar. But this means that the supporting characters must provide all of the actual characterization within the storyline. As such, the player character robs the lower class of its labor value. Y-you're right...Let's give it some more Marxism. Zizek applies a Marxist critique! I fight you, but destroying you will do no good in the long run. In this world, you alone are the dominant class, and as the dominant class is deposed, a new one will rise to take its place. Well, that doesn't mean we should just stop! This is only more reason for me to continue! In reality, history has no end... It only continues to evolve, and progress. My interference in this world, ruled by you, can only be seen as an advancement of those who must be advanced. So despite the fact that I may create a ruling class of similar darkness, I will force myself forward through the fog of doubt!Now, let's try some Kantian to mix things up. Zizek applies a Kantian critique! Have you ever considered whether you are real, Mr. Dugan? What do you mean? Assuming that we never have direct experience of things, is it perhaps possible that you are simply your own dream? I'll admit, I just guessed on this one. Rather than exist as an independent object, you are nothing but a subject. You are merely the filter by which this virtual construct experiences itself and nothing more. Oh god...And that'll do it.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ No, I am exactly as smart as I look. You merely have deficient vision. What does... What does that even mean? Don't ask me. I still haven't figured him out. It doesn't matter. I'm still in control here. Are you kidding? We just ate your lunch for breakfast. I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. You just did! That was a response! I'm still the main character here! Fighting you didn't do anything but help me sober up.  If you're going to give me the option... gently caress that. This is ridiculous. I'm not-- Wait!♪ BGM: Kaminari ♫ This isn't your fight! Those three may have helped wake me up, but they shouldn't have the satisfaction of defeating you. Kami, what are you doing? Something I would have done a long time ago if not for this god damned video game we're all stuck in. You just hit me! We're supposed to be friends! That's the thing, isn't it? Everything that is "supposed" to be is set up to help you get what you want. I was just a tool for you to use along the way. But now that I realize what was going on, I'm going to make sure that you can't hurt these people. Kami, are you sure about this? Two of us have not even fought him yet. You do not need to risk yourself. But I do! You came here to free me from this virtual construct of patriarchy. But I can't really be free if I depend on three men to free me. I have to be the instrument of my own emancipation. I had not thought of it like that, but you are quite correct. To insist upon saving you would only further place the yoke of oppression around your neck.Zizek has learned a new form of critique! Zizek has learned [Feminist Critique]! She's right and all, but how is she going to defeat Dugan? He has magic, remember? Well, I just need my own form of magic, don't I? Well, girl, you better learn fast. Because it's almost game time. Don't call me "girl"! I don't have time for this. If you think you can defeat me, you have until the end of the championship game. Then this all disappears...your friends right along with it. ♪ BGM: How Things Are ♫ I have to break free of this lovely world. I have to learn magic. Creating magic in this world should not be difficult for the characters within. Any concept which is unfamiliar within the time period or virtual construct... will appear to be magic. For example, if we were to introduce the concept of nuclear power, it would manifest as a form of magic. Unfortunately, we do not have any nuclear materials, nor the scientific ability to make use of them. Yeah, but we don't need those things... The year is 1943. All sorts of concepts would be alien to this world. Mass media, globalization, civil rights... Yeah, but we don't have any experts on any of those things. And Kami wants to do this on her own, anyway. Baseball! Baseball? Bill James hasn't even been born. Earl Weaver is 13 years old. No one today knows how to evaluate baseball players. It's all about batting average, counting stats, and the eye test. Yeah, sabermetrics hasn't even been invented yet! Building a team around advanced stats would see like magic! Kami has already shown she's smart... We just have to push her in the right direction. What are you guys talking about? All right, Kami, I want you to think about something. What is the value of a walk? A...walk? Think about this: When a batter gets a hit, part of that is just the fielders failing to get to the ball. But when a batter takes a walk, that is an absolute reflection of their ability to recognize balls and strikes. Am I right? ...huh. And, I guess, outs are a finite resource in baseball. Three outs ends an inning, twenty-seven ends the game. The most valuable thing a batter can do is to prevent herself from making an out. I'm starting to understand! This is it! She is learning how to use magic! Kami became a Sabermagician! Flashy. This is amazing! I understand so much more about baseball now! Just watch out for old school sportswriters. A woman who knows the importance of OBP might literally kill them.Kami joined the party! Now I can't wait for another shot at Dugan! I'll do worse than just hit him! I'll use math! Let's go. We don't have much time.Alright, before we continue... TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
Now, on with the show.  ♪ BGM: The Virtual Game ♫ The whole field is empty. Isn't the game only a few minutes away? Yeah, something's not right. ♪ BGM: Dugan ♫ What's he doing all by himself? I do not like where this is going. I knew you would come. I knew it wouldn't take you long to figure out that you couldn't use magic. But- Shh... Lets try to keep the element of surprise. This isn't your story, Kaminari. This isn't your game. You cannot control it like I can. Your approximation of recent events is likely correct, Bobson. You have no idea what you are dealing with! This is my world, and I can do as I like! You're wrong, Dugan. If you controlled this world, then these visitors would have never been able to enter it and change the sequence of events. Shut up! Who are you? You were merely created to serve me! Don't you understand, you are nothing! No, Dugan... Pitcher wins are nothing! ♪ BGM: Kaminari ♫ That surprised you, didn't it? You know what else is going to surprise you? All those times you made me bunt, you were significantly hurting our chances of winning! It's magic, Dugan. Sabermagics. Sabermagics?!?! That's right, Dugan. All along, you were wrong about everything. You aren't the only one in this world who can learn magic. This is not your story alone. Most importantly, RBI are a worthless stat! TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:I don't think I've explained Runs Batted In (RBI) yet. They're really simple - if your actions as a batter result in a run scoring, you are credited with a RBI (except if you grounded into a double play - a double play being when two outs are made in a single at bat's defensive actions - or reached base on an error). So theoretically, a perfect batter who always, say, hits a double, could still end up with 0 RBI if nobody gets on base in front of him. This is the crux of why RBI are a super poo poo stat. Just for that... I will destroy you! All right, Kami, are you ready for this? More than ready. Come at me, Dugan! Alright, time for another combat tutorial, as it were, because Kami's combat works differently again. Well, in a way, it's kinda like Zizek's.  We have the choice between these two spells. TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:These two spells are plays on words based on two sabermetric ideas. Now, Replacement Prayer isn't all that fun for me, but let's look at it, because it gives another point of view on the idea of "replacement player". Kami calculates a replacement prayer! De profundis clamavi ad te, Domine: Domine, exaudi vocem meam: Fiant aures tuae intendentes, in vocem deprecationis meae. W-what are you doing? Domine Iesu, dimitte nobis debita nostra, salva nos ab igne inferiori, perduc in caelum omnes animas, praesertim eas, quae misericordiae tuae maxime indigent. You're freaking me out! What are you talking about? Oh, just some random Latin prayers. I don't even know what they mean. Then why are you saying them? They're Replacement Prayers, just random prayers that might be poor fits for the situation but they were what I could come up with. You see in any given system, there are resources that are readily available. They're bad resources, but they are there... and you should never expend money or time to acquire anything on their level. Where are you going with this? I'm not putting any effort into picking out a prayer, because I know it won't help me in this situation. Just like in baseball, there are [replacement level] players. They can be found in any minor league system, or on the cheap in the FA market, or in the case of our league...in the dance halls. What are you saying? You should use a baseline to evaluate players, which is the approximate value of these freely available players! But that means I have to use math! Wait, why are you lecturing me on this? You're a girl; you can't do math. Are you kidding me? poo poo, seriously? It's just science. THAT'S NOT SCIENCE! I'll show you who can't do math! 2(x + 3) - x = 2x + 8; Solve for X! What? No! I'm a baseball manager, I can't do that. Then I spend like a minute figuring out that the correct answer is -2, and after that, we win the battle. But let's look at Win Hexpectancy instead before that. Kami calculates a win hexpectancy! Hail to the guardians of the North, mighty earth which feeds us, our home and mother! What are you doing? Hail to the guardians of the East, blessed air that soothes us, the breath of life in all existence. Oh god, this is some sort of witchcraft. Hail to the guardians of the South, sacred fire that sparks life in all, our protector and progenitor. No, I won't let you freak me out. Hail to the guardians of the West, Waters of life, where all are purified and reborn. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Blessed Baseba'al, I am but a spoke in the great wheel, but I call upon your power to determine whether I will win this fight. I can see it, Dugan... The numbers are in my favor. What are you talking about? There are no outs. Top of the ninth. The game is tied and I have a runner on third base. All he has to do is make it to the plate. Call for the bunt, right?And here, we are given a choice to agree or disagree. This is what Win Hexpectancy is about - you are given a baseball situation and have to work out the right move for the situation. In this case, bunting is bad. No! Of course not! A suicide squeeze could just as easily get the runner thrown out at home, and if the batter swings away they might get a sac fly. Besides, it's only the top of the ninth and we want to score as many runs as possible!And that wins us the battle as well.  What did you do? ♪ BGM: The Virtual Game ♫ Way to go, Kami! You did it! This magic thing is pretty awesome. Does this mean that you guys can go home now? It does appear that I can use my ontology again, if we are ready to leave this world. That's the plan. Finally! We need to get back to the real world and get ready for Game Seven. You bastards! Don't run away! You have taken everything from me! This may be a problem, Bobson. What do you mean? We have basically violated the Prime Directive. I have no idea what that means. You seriously never watched Star Trek? Nerd. What? His assessment is correct, Moose. You have demonstrated that you are what people refer to as a "nerd". You're a god drat philosopher! Perhaps. In Star Trek, the most important rule of the Federation is to avoid interfering the development of primitive societies. Nerd. We've dramatically changed this world, and we've broken all of its internal rules. Now we're responsible for it. NERD. Ugh... We can't just leave Dugan here, like he is, to try and control these girls again once we're gone. Zizek, is there a way to use your ontology to remove him from the game? Well, it is certainly possible to delete aspects of the unreal world with ontology. But is that the sort of people we want to be? No, no it's not! Kami, what do you think? Should we leave Dugan here in this world with you? I don't know what you're talking about. I'm planning on coming with you guys. WHAT? The world that created this game seems like a hosed up place, and I'm going to help clean it up. I'm going to smash the patriarchy! That seems like a prudent idea. Kami will come with us. Okay, but what do we do about Dugan? I think that is up to Bobson to decide. What? Why me? You are the main character. Awww, man, I never asked for this. Did you ever ask to be born? I know that I did not ask to be born, and I would most certainly be happier if I had not been. Yikes. Fine, I'll choose... But I should ask the girls what they think we should do. They are the ones who will have to live with him. You mean that you should ask the *women* here what they think. I like her already. Approach Dugan when you have made your decision. I will keep him paralyzed until you are ready.Alright, what does everybody think? I don't want him around here when you're gone. Get rid of him. I'm not happy with how Dugan treated us, but I'm not sure you should kill him. You don't have to delete Dugan! We can keep him in line! You showed us what we need to do, Kami! Don't leave him here. We'll fight him but... I'm afraid of what will happen.So that's two for deleting, one for not deleting, one ambivalent. Let's ask our party members. I think you should have Zizek delete him. He's not real, and this world would be better off without him. This decision, I cannot help you with. In this, I am but a tool, a gun to be fired if you so desire. Then again, aren't we all tools? Heh, yeah Zizek, sometimes you are a tool.That's one for, and one... Zizek.  I have faith that the other women on the team can keep him under control... or get rid of him if they have to. But if you think he needs to be deleted, I'll go along with it. You and your friends know more about how this works...at least for now. Don't do it! I can change! No, I do not think that you can. Unlike the women of this team, who have been created with personalities that can develop... you are nothing but a cipher. You an empty vessel by which the user of the game expresses his selfish desires. You can never change, because you are nothing to begin with. You merely seek the goals you have been given. If we do allow you to live, you will continue to embody this insatiable desire--for booze, for flesh, for revenge--until you die. I thought you didn't want to kill him, Zizek. I do not. I find him fascinating, and I am curious what happens when a cipher is free of the chains that define him. But as I said, this is your choice. Well, I think if we sum it all together, that's a win for killing him. So that's what we're doing! Sorry, Dugan, but I can't let you terrorize these women after we leave. There's no way to know you won't get your magic back, and who knows what you would do with it. You're making the right choice, Bobson. Then it is decided. I will do it. This is unfortunate, but your decision makes a certain element of sense. No! Don't! Do it, Zizek! We've freed this world. Was it really yours to free? Ugh, I don't want to think about it. Let's just go home. Okay. Let's get out of here. Ms. Kami, are you sure you want to come with us? You may never be able to return to this world, at least as you know it. gently caress this world. That is the correct response! Though gently caress our world as well. It is admittedly not that much better. Well I plan on changing that. You should not plan on changing anything because you cannot change anything, but I admire your tenacity nonetheless... and that is quite a compliment coming from me because there are very few things that I admire that are not dead. All right, time to go home! Risa, Ai, Mitsu, Haruka... Good luck. Dasein! This is our universe, Kami. What do you think? Is it just this room? Because this is awful small. And it smells like cooked cabbage. There is a good reason for that. No! Our world is massive. This is just one room in one apartment building in one city in one country and-- I think she gets the point. So, what is the first thing that you will do now that you are in our world? I can't even imagine what her path to citizenship looks like... this might get weird. For now, I'll stick around with you guys. At least I want to see how the World Series turns out. Then we should be on our way!And there we are. I bet you didn't expect that we would be playing a hentai game based on A League Of Their Own. Or that we would literally enter it to cockblock the main character. Or that we would be blocked from leaving by the main character, who had suddenly become able to cast magic. Or that we would convert one of the female characters to a sabermagician and fight the main character with her. Or that that female character would then decide "gently caress this world, I'm going with you" and now finds herself in the real world. I told you poo poo would kinda get nuts. TheMcD fucked around with this message at 22:36 on Jun 3, 2019 |
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Jun 3, 2019 22:24
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CommissarMega posted:I actually do have a question, and it's baseball-related too! If a player has a high WAR, would there be a reason to replace him in a high-level game that isn't injury-related? "Cos the writeup in the last update seemed to indicate that it could happen. If this sounds dumb, my apologies; I know nothing about baseball, sorry. Hey, don't apologize for asking questions. Any opportunity to help somebody understand baseball further is worth taking in this thread. Now, I assume to mean "high level game" to mean one single game with high stakes, like, say Game Two of the World Series, or Game Seven of the Championship Series (the level before the World Series). I'm not picking Game Seven of the World Series because that has its own rules. Anyway, yes, there are quite a few reasons why you would want to place a high WAR player on the bench. Let's just say we have a player worth, say, 5~7 WAR over a season. All-Star level. Why might we not want to use him in a quite important game? #1: Platoon splits. I could talk at length about platoon splits (and the game might force me to down the line), but for now, let's keep it simple. Remember that at one point, I said to just accept that pitchers have an advantage over hitters with the same handedness. So lefty pitchers have an advantage over lefty hitters, and the same with righties. Well, with some hitters, this is ridiculously pronounced. Take for instance a guy called Jim Thome. Dude's a great hitter. A Hall of Famer. Terrifying to pitchers... well, right-handed pitchers. Thome is a lefty, and he has insane platoon splits. Against righties, he has a slash line of .292 / .426 / .608, which is very impressive. Against lefties, he has a slash line of .238 / .340 / .427, which is decidedly less impressive. So, if you have a right-handed hitter on your roster that can play the same position as Thome and who doesn't have as much of a problem hitting lefties, you might use him instead of Thome when the starting pitcher for the opposing team is slated to be a left-hander, because the results will probably just be better. And hey, if the pitcher gets pulled early and a right-hander comes in instead, you can still substitute Thome in. #2: Rest. This is why I excluded Game Seven of the World Series. Depending on your outlook, it might be better to give your star player a day of rest from a critical game in the hopes that this will aid his performance in an even more critical game down the line. So of course, it doesn't help you when you lose your last Championship Series game because you rested your 42 year old hitter who is somehow still excellent, but if you do win it, you will have a rested and possibly even better performing hitter at your disposal. This is also very important for pitchers. There's a thing called a Wild Card Game, which is where teams that don't win divisions but have the most wins out of the rest of the teams get a chance to get into the playoffs. This is a one-game playoff, and while you'd think you'd use your ace starting pitcher here, some choose to use their SP2 or so, believing that they can still win the game with him and then have their ace ready to use multiple times in the next series (so for instance, he could pitch Game One and Game Four in a five game series with normal rest instead of pitching, say, Game Three and nothing else if he had started the wild card game). #3: Injury risk. I guess you excluded injuries, but I think the risk of injury is something different. This is something that has mainly come up in recent years with the increased focus on pitcher injuries. The thing with pitchers is that it's really easy to gently caress your arm up. And there's a chance that you really gently caress your arm up and then that's it, kiss your career goodbye. So for instance, you have a starting pitcher that's like 21 years old, you recently called him up from the minor leagues. And he's been great for you, he's got like a 2.50 ERA, 4 WAR, that kind of stuff. But he's pitched 160 innings already and there's still a quarter of the season to play, so at the rate you're going, you're going to give him an ace pitcher's workload (about 210 innings) plus the postseason. It could be that he isn't used to that heavy workload and that it could cause damage to his arm that might really hurt his career. So you shut him down. You say "OK, I won't use this guy anymore, he's done for the season". Fans will probably get mad at you if your team's in the playoff hunt and could use the boost, but on the other hand, you're not further risking loving your young talent's arm up and preserving him for playoff hunts in the future. So it's a win now vs. win later thing. If you think your team will still compete for a playoff spot the next few seasons, it might make sense to shut your promising pitching prospects down after a certain workload. Then, of course, there's all the minor reasons why an ace player could be replaced during a game. One example from the Super-League that happened to me very neatly illustrates one of the problems you could face during a game. Oh, if you're wondering what the Super-League is, it's Smasher Dynamo's insane monument to LP commitment - it's basically a league using baseball simulation game Baseball Mogul 2013 where forum posters get to pick multiple historical teams (so, like the 1995 Boston Red Sox or the 1948 St. Louis Cardinals or whatever) and create a roster out of it, which then compete with the other posters' teams. It's great fun as long as you accept that you probably won't win (since given the construction of baseball, only one can win), and Smasher's writing is also great. So anyway, I was in the Sub-Par Championship Series, the Sub-Par League being the lower league of the Super-League, with my Hope's Peak Despair, in a game that has gotten to the ninth inning with my team down 2-3. The inning started off with Joe Jackson striking out, then Ted Goddamn Williams hit a double. After that, Paul Waner grounded out. So, the AI that takes care of ingame substitutions was faced with a dilemma. Ted Goddamn Williams can do many things, but he can't run. If the next batter hits a single, there's only a slim chance Williams makes it home from second base to tie the game. Since there's two outs, every hit is precious, and scoring should be prioritized. On the bench, I had Kenny Lofton, a decent hitter, but most importantly, very good at running. So, keep Ted Goddamn Williams in and hope he makes it home to tie the game, potentially having his elite bat later in the game, or put in Kenny Lofton as a pinch runner to make it more likely he makes it home to tie the game and keep the team alive, sacrificing Williams's hitting ability? The AI decided to put in Lofton. The next batter, Nap Lajoie, hit a single, and Lofton was able to run and score, tying the game. After that, Derek Jeter hit a fly out to end the inning, so there would be no second hit that could've sent Williams home. The game went into extra innings, and eventually, my team won, going on to win both the Championship Series and the World Series of the lower league without losing a single game. In the playoffs, small decisions have very large impacts.
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Jun 6, 2019 12:22
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Update IX - We Freed The World Of Zizek's Strange Anime Game. ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ So, last time, a whole bunch of stuff happened. But I guess we're now ready to get to Game Seven, now that Bobson has learned a new secondary pitch. We'd deleted the player character who had forced them to cater to his whims. More than that, we'd pulled one of the NPCs from the world to let her live her own life. I didn't understand how any of it worked, but Zizek assured me that it wouldn't disrupt reality... at least not anymore than anything else we did. I had to put all of that out of my head. The sun had risen, and we were less than twelve hours away from the beginning of game seven. I hadn't gotten any sleep, and hoped that once we returned to the clubhouse I could fit in a little nap before pre-game workouts. Little did I know that my journey was far from over.  Here we are, back at the clubhouse. Let's go talk to people.  What do you mean? Oh, you don't know? You should talk to coach.That doesn't sound good at all.   Yeah, sure. Thanks! Here, have this Dr. Pepper. I don't need it anymore.Looks like we're at the beginning of a trading chain. That'll be fun. Anyway, here's what all the other people have to say. I know that was a bad pitch, but this seems excessive... If you ask me, coach is being unreasonable. This sucks, but we've gotta do what we've gotta do. What sucks? Oh... Nothing. The good news is that you can relax and watch the game tonight. What are you talking about? You should go talk to coach.Well, I'm sure you can already work out what's happening here, since we already had a little bird tell us that something was happening. And by bird, I mean a Cardinal. And by Cardinal, I mean The Machine.  What the hell is everyone outside chatting about? They're apologizing to me and not for the things they do to piss me off. I've made a decision, Bobson. If we get that far, you won't be closing out Game 7. ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ Everyone in the media is calling for it after what happened last night. That was a awful pitch you threw. This is a terrible idea! Why are you making your managerial decisions based off of what people in the media say? The media are idiots! This is true. Besides, Bobson has learned a new pitch! He can throw a changeup now and he's more than ready to use it in a game situation. I'm sorry, Bobson, but this is just how it has to be. ... Just let us show you his new pitch! Trust us, it will change your mind. I do not believe that this is about pitching. I believe that this is about the pressures of society, which are far more difficult to change. He's right. You understand what Zizek is talking about? No, but he's right. Listen, any pitcher can blow a game. Even if Bobson is throwing Sandy Koufax's curveball, he might miss with his location and screw things up again. If he does, I'm toast, because everyone out there is acting like he needs to be pulled from the closer spot. Whereas if the new guy blows the game, I can't be second-guessed as much. That's a terrible way to manage! This is not happening. Don't freak out, Bobson! Being a "closer" is totally overrated. Often middle relievers face more high leverage situations. Ahhhh, don't make me think about facts right now! I'm too upset. And off he goes. Hey, where are you going?Bobson has left the party! Well that's not good. I do not believe that he took that news very well. Very observant, Zizek. What the hell? Did he just walk out on the team? It looks that way. This is unacceptable! Moose, and whoever the hell you two are, go and find him! I'm Kami. And I am a fixed position in space in which matter is slightly denser than-- I don't care! Find my pitcher! Ask around and figure out where he went and BRING HIM BACK! ♪ BGM: Kaminari ♫ I'll do it! Let's destroy some oppressive power structures with MATH! Seconded. Kami should be the leader in Bobson's absence. She just came into this world ten minutes ago! I will not take back my vote, as that would destroy the legitimacy of the election. A legitimate election is too rare and beautiful thing to let die for any reason, even this reason. Fine, Kami can be the leader. Now let's hurry up before Bobson gets too far. Coach is right, we should ask the other players what they think. Time to ask around. Here's what everybody has to say. Bobson? Oh yeah, he said he was going to go find something to make him even better. Another pitch? No, I think it was something chemical. Oh no, I think he's going to try steroids! Not that steroids are nearly the demon traditional writers make them out to be. How do you know anything about steroids? You're from 1943... a virtual 1943. Sabermagics.There is a lot of competition here, but I'm making the call - Kami is the best character in this game. Yeah, he definitely said something that sounded like PEDs. This isn't good... I asked Bobson where he was going and he said that "he knew where to go". Then he muttered something about a factory I think? I don't know... A factory, huh? Maybe he's going to seize the means of production! I hope so. I'm sad that Bobson is gone. I'm going to stuff my face with pizza. It's the only thing that keeps the pain away. Delicious pizza. I ain't got a clue where Bobson is. Bobson said something right before he left. He was trying to figure out why candy would make him a better player. Candy? Did he mean nose candy? Like cocaine? No, I don't think so. I think it was regular candy. Hmmm... He wants to find something that he thinks will make him a better player, and he was overheard saying something that sounded like PEDs. Moreover, another teammate heard him asking questions about why candy would improve his performance. None of this makes any sense! Good! Now you are understanding this world. Nothing makes sense. No, actually, it all fits together. Candy...factory...PEDs... Bobson heard all the buzz about PEDs, but misheard it since he's never been big on paying attention, and misinterpreted it because, well... sometimes he prefers to hear what he wants to hear. So he's been operating under the belief that PEZ was banned by MLB to prevent cheating. When, in fact, PEZ has simply lost popularity and largely disappeared during the same timeframe baseball banned PEDs. PEZ? As in the pill-like candy that preps children for a life dependant on small doses of pleasure-inducing chemicals given by the nodding head of authority? Yes, I guess that is what I mean. You're loving joking. You don't know Bobson like I do. It is remarkable that he even made it to adulthood. Nah, he's very intelligent when he wants to be, he just has trouble paying attention. So where has he gone? The abandoned PEZ factory in upstate New York, no doubt. Now that *is* a joke, right? No joke. It's not far, but we should hurry. Looking at the clock, we only have about fourteen hours until game time.I'm pretty sure we just time travelled right there. All right! On to the Pez Factory!   ♪ BGM: Pez Factory ♫ Oh man, it is going to be a hassle if we have to search this whole place. Hey, some noise is coming from that speaker over there! C'mon, Bobson, this is childish. You are literally throwing a tantrum. No, this is literally throwing a tantrum!We hear something shatter. What did you just break? I think it was a mould for Pez dispensers. Well, no big loss. You're better than this, Bobson! Come on out! No! I am not better than this! I won't come out until I'm named the closer again! This isn't the way to goabout any of this, Bobson. This only makes you look worse. You look like a petulant baby! I made my decision! You should know that to make a decision is tantamount to treason against yourself. I don't even know what that means! I never know what anything you say means!And another thing shatters. I guess there's no consoling him. What the hell are we going to do? Maybe we need to figure out a way to get his job back. If your coach is fixated on media narrative, maybe we can change the narrative before the game and he'll change his mind. We need to make the sportswriters and fans demand Bobson return to the closer role. Yeah! You do that! You make a good point, Kami, but how do we go about that? There is nothing more difficult to change than a narrative. We may as well sit upon the beach and command the tides to recede. Hm... I have an idea. What's the plan, Moose? A media narrative isn't so impossible to change, especially for a short time. We just need to harness the power of social media. We need to go to Twitter. Are you suggesting that we spend our time at a computer, typing words into the ether in the hopes that they have an effect on the world? If that is what you are suggesting, then you are a madman, and not the good kind. No, better than that. We need to go to Twitter headquarters and change the narrative at the source. Wait, there's a Twitter headquarters??? I thought that you didn't want to be part of the party, Bobson! If you want to join us, you can come right on out here! No! I just wanted to know if there is a Twitter headquarters. Of course there is. And we can go there and get into the system and alter the media narrative as we see fit. There areplenty of fans and reporters who know Bobson shouldn't lose his job. We make sure their tweets are seen and others are not. Once the media picks up on the new narrative, coach will re-install Bobson as the closer and all will be well. I don't know what Twitter is but this sounds great! As far as I know, it is like the telegraph, if the telegraph was pumped full of amphetamines and then suffered a massive head trauma. Yeah, that sounds about right. Well if you think it will be helpful in getting Bobson out of his funk, then that's good enough for me. Twitter here we come! How long until game time? Fourteen hours.So we just didn't lose any time at all going there. Man, time is weird. Great... ♪ BGM: Terminate ♫ Where in the name of Friedrich Nietzsche is that music coming from? That's Carlos Rodriguez's walkup music. But what is he doing here? More importantly than that, how can he make music play wherever he goes? How does he know that??? Kami, this is Carlos Rodriguez, better known as "The Machine". He's the one who hit the HR off of Bobson, putting us all in this mess. Though none of that explains why he's here, and not at the stadium with the rest of his team preparing for the game. I heard that Bobson lost the closer job, just like I predicted. And you came to gloat? Something like that. Leave Bobson alone! He's been through enough! No, he hasn't. And I think that's the problem. What the hell is that supposed to mean? It sounded like something I would say, and not in a good way. This man concerns me. Oh, who is this? Who am I? That is actually a good question, but not a question that we have time to discuss because there is a baseball game soon. However, all you need to know about me is that I am Bobson's friend, and that I will not let you harass him further. Bobson's friend? Fascinating. I don't think you really understand what is going on here. The entire world was watching him. Millions of eyes fixed upon his every move and he failed. His pain and inadequacy were broadcast across the globe. On some level, you should know the feeling, Moose. Though perhaps not so acutely... You... Despite all of that, despite everything that has happened in this world... I am Bobson's only friend. What? You don't understand yet. Your vision is too narrow. Take that back! If anything, my vision is considerably wider than it should be! Heh, I'm really getting under your skin, aren't I? You are a pompous, irritating man... And I will reveal that you are nothing but a boastful fool! Watch out, Zizek, he's defeated both Bobson and me... He's dangerous. Do not worry about me, Moose. This man knows nothing of philosophy. This will be simple. Now this is interesting... You aren't a pitcher. No I am not. A pitcher carries water, and I carry water for no one. You're being deliberately obtuse. That is what I do. If you figured it out so quickly, perhaps I should be careful. Come at me, Zizek. I will destroy you just like I destroyed Bobson. And maybe you will be smart enough to thank me. Call me a pessimist, but I don't think this is going to end well. Well, let's give it a shot. Zizek applies a Marxist critique! You are well paid for your efforts as a baseball player, are you not? Of course! I'm one of the best there is! How can you justify your salary when you know that others starve? There is no doubt that you are talented. There are no questions about whether you are able to perform your duties... but when it comes right down to it, you earn millions of dollars by playing a child's game. How can you accept that? Other men break their backs to simply eat. You play and you are wealthy beyond their wildest dreams. You're right. It's totally unfair. Among all the men in the world, it is clear that I do not objectively deserve my salary. Ha! But it's not so simple. Ultimately, there are thousands of people who pay lots of money to see me play at the stadium. There are even more people who sign up for cable television to watch my team. In a perfect world, all this money would to a better cause. But this isn't a perfect world. Baseball teams make hundreds of millions of dollars a year. Where should that money go? Should it go to the owners, who do not play the game? The fans do not watch the games for the owners. They do not buy ownership merchandise. They tune in to watch me and my teammates. And we're the ones who work--both in the games and in the offseason to keep in shape. So shouldn't we be the ones to reap the rewards? I suppose, in the practical sense, you are right. If someone *must* become wealthy off of baseball, it should be the players. You... You are right!Zizek lost the ability to use [Marxist Critique] against Carlos Rodriguez! Welp. Zizek applies a Kantian critique! No matter what you claim, you are clearly the villain of this story. Oh, really? How so? You have done nothing but impede us at every turn. We are trying to help Bobson return to the pitcher he once was before. Our goal is noble——the restoration of our friend--thus your obstruction is... clearly nothing less than immoral, against the righteous and so on, and so on. You're barking up the wrong tree. I am not a dog, and my reasoning is valid. There are purposes in this world which are clearly good. No matter what you believe, restoring the confidence of a man is unquestionably good. What if that man was a monster? Bobson is not a monster! No, but what if his success has dire consequences that even you are unable to predict? Would stopping him be immoral then? I do not know what you are talking about. He is a pitcher. A baseball player. How could regaining his confidence be bad? That's a good question, Zizek. But do you trust yourself to make that judgement call? Are you so certain about your own righteousness that you are unwilling to consider that you are advancing a negative cause? Some of the most evil men in history were sure that they were doing the right thing. Who is to say what happens if Bobson becomes a good pitcher again? I... I don't know. I guess nothing can be so black and white. You... You are right!Zizek lost the ability to use [Kantian Critique] against Carlos Rodriguez! WELP. Zizek applies a feminist critique! So, you are a baseball player like Moose and Bobson. Nice observation, Professor. Professional sports within the United States and much of the so-called "western" world is overtly masculine in orientation. Baseball, especially, finds itself awash with masculine imagery. This should be entertaining. The hitter is judged by his ability with the bat, a phallic object that he wields as an extension of his own manhood. Further, the pitcher is judged by his ability to penetrate the hitter's defenses, forcing his way past the hitter's resistance. Meanwhile, the only way the man can prevent himself from being penetrated is to wield the instrument of his own extended manhood. As such, the pitcher seeks to castrate the hitter, and feminize him in an act known as the "strikeout". Ah, but the best hitters know when to hold back. They do not wield their bat-- their extended manhood as you call it-- and they succeed by being passive... they succeed by taking a walk, by allowing the hypermasculine pitcher to attempt to overpower them and using that aggression to their advantage. The best hitters in baseball are as receptive as they are combative, and thus you are wrong. You... You are right!Zizek lost the ability to use [Feminist Critique] against Carlos Rodriguez! Zizek no longer has any critiques to use against Carlos Rodriguez! WELP.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ How... How is this possible? You are just a baseball player. How can you command such a presence in the field of philosophy? Once again Bobson surrounds himself with failures. That may be true, but so do we all! Truly all of mankind is made up of failures, so your point is both well taken and utterly meaningless. Stop playing word games to hide that you were defeated by me, Zizek. And good luck with whatever foolishness you get up to next. And he's gone... Shouldn't we chase after him or something? What would be the point? Zizek is right. It is clear now that only Bobson can defeat Carlos Rodriguez. We need to focus on getting him back in the game. Then we can worry about Rodriguez. We continue with our original plan to assault Twitter headquarters and force a media narrative returning Bobson to the closer position. Let's not use the word "assault." We are going there to talk. All speech is assault, dear Moose. Well, I'm glad defeat hasn't changed you.That'll be it for this update. Next time, we'll take a look at just what exactly Bobson is planning on doing in that factory.
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Jun 8, 2019 15:34
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CommissarMega posted:My only problem with this is that now we have achieved Twitter, I'm getting the feeling we're nearing the endgame. This game is just way too good. Well, I did have the title character limit to work with. We still got a good amount of stuff to go.
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Jun 8, 2019 16:34
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GeneX posted:This game is very super league, yes. Well, I can tell you that they are stronger than ever and are continuing to lay waste to all that dare challenge them. I managed to take them to extra innings in the clinching game in the series when the force of nature masquerading as my team made it through the finals, but alas, just like everybody else, they died.
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Jun 8, 2019 23:54
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Update X - Why Is Everyone Always Trying To Be Deep? Now, let's rejoin Bobson and his plan to become a better pitcher by eating ancient candy.  ♪ BGM: Pez Factory ♫ TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:Alright, I suppose it's time to talk about PEDs - Performance Enhancing Drugs. But first off, baseball, as many other sports, is full of drugs, not just of the performance enhancing variety. It would go amiss at this point to not mention that one time Dock Ellis threw a no-hitter while high on LSD (seizure warning on that video - it's about LSD, so there will be some flashing). I could describe that further, but the video, an animation based on an interview Ellis gave about that no-hitter, does the job better than I could. loving hell, that was a lot.  And some of those guys write for newspapers, so they gotta be smart. Well, here it goes... Wow, so much candy... They aren't even in dispensers, so I can eat a package at a time.Bobson eats an entire package of PEZ! Wow, that doesn't taste quite right... I wonder if PEZ can go bad.Bobson eats an entire package of PEZ! Oooh boy... Expiration date May 2, 1997? Urghhh... Well, these are the only PEZ I have so I should keep going.Bobson eats an entire package of PEZ! I... I don’t feel so... I don't feel so good... And Bobson blacks out.  ♪ BGM: Dream Sequence ♫ ...and now we're in a text adventure. Yep. Well, we are aided by the fact that we have options to pick from, so we don't have to guess what the interpreter wants. But yeah, now we're in a text-adventure-like-cum-dream-sequence. Let's check it out. >LOOK AROUND You are outside of the baseball stadium where you work as the closer for the New York Yankees. Crowds are gathered around the park because it is game six of the World Series. >EXAMINE REDBOX There are only two films available in the Redbox: Grown Ups 2 and Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit. You only have enough money to rent one film. We are given the choice between the two films, or the other option that I just have to take. >gently caress THAT. Yes, that is the correct reaction to both of those films. >GO SOUTH The street just south of the stadium is full of restaurants, bars, and people milling about. The bar to the east is closed, and there is an impenetrable brick wall to the west. >LOOK AROUND The bar to the east appears to be closed in preparation for the game. There is a hot dog vendor parked on the nearby sidewalk. He appears to be selling hot dogs. >TALK TO HOT DOG VENDOR "Hey buddy, do you want a hot dog?" Sure. >YES Are you sure you want to spend your money on a hot dog? Yes, I am! Hot dogs are good. >YES You purchase a hot dog from the vendor. Now, let's check the rest out. >GO EAST The bartender quickly shoos you away from the door with an angry glare. He taps on the "closed" sign and calls you a few names that won't be repeated here. There's also something else we can do here. >GO WEST There is an impenetrable brick wall west of here. Why would you try to go west? >GO WEST Life is peaceful there. >GO WEST In the open air. >GO WEST Where the skies are blue. >GO WEST This is what we're gonna do. And yes, this is accompanied by the appropriate instrumental BGM. Well, back to the stadium and then to the other location. >GO NORTH >GO EAST You are in the New York locker room. The game is a couple hours away. >LOOK AROUND The New York locker room is full of players getting ready for the upcoming game against St. Louis. It is game six of the World Series and New York lead 3-2. There is a door to the north leading out to the bullpen and a door to the west leading back to the outside of the stadium. Near the lockers, there is a bench where you can wait until game time. >GO NORTH The door to the bullpen is closed; while there is no game going on, there is no reason to go out into the bullpen. Seems like there's nothing left to do right now, so... >WAIT This will advance time until the start of the game. Proceed? >YES You sit down and start to eat the hot dog that you purchased from the vendor south of the stadium. The hot dog is cold, and you wonder if perhaps you should have spent your money more wisely. This is what we in the trade call "telling you that you hosed up". You are in the New York locker room. The game has just begun. The door to the bullpen is now open. >LOOK AROUND The New York locker room is now empty. Everyone is either out on the field, in the dugout, or in the bullpen. You should probably go out to the bullpen to watch the game, since there is no one here. And because it is the sixth game of the World Series. Now, we can leave and go around the areas we were at earlier, but there's no point, because I screwed up. So let's finish this and redo it. >GO NORTH You are the New York bullpen, where the rest of the pitching staff awaits a possible pitching change. >LOOK AROUND Benches line the interior wall of the bullpen, facing a small pitching mound on one side and a replica of home plate on the other. The team's bullpen catcher stretches near the door, ready to warm up any of the remaining pitching staff once called upon to prepare for entering the game. A door to the south leads back to the stadium. You can also wait on the bench and watch the game until you are called upon. >WATCH THE GAME This will advance the game to the ninth inning, when you will be called upon to face Carlos Rodriguez. Are you sure you want to watch the game? Yeah, I need to redo this regardless. >YES A strange feeling of deja vu envelopes you as you realize where the game is going. You have seen this all before. 2-1 lead for New York, runners on base, and Carlos Rodriguez coming to the plate. You keep hoping something different will happen. Another runner will get on base, a batter will pop up instead of strike out--anything to change the script, however small. After all, this is a dream, right? It's not a memory or a simulation. Why would everything happen the same way? What sense would that make? Then the call to the bullpen comes, just as it did before. You can't escape the machine, even here. ♪ BGM: Terminate ♫ With every pitch you throw, you feel the sense of dread increasing. You know what's coming. You know that soon you will be in a count where you can only throw the slider. Most of all, you know what he's going to do with the slider. You can see Rodriguez's smug face looking back at you from the batter's box, like he also knows what is about to happen. But is that possible? This is your mind, not his. Before you know it, the time has come. He's fouled off every fastball you've thrown, and laid off every slider you've run in on his hands. You have to throw the slider for a strike.  Welp. >THROW A SLIDER ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ Rodriguez demolishes the pitch. It seems like he somehow hit it even further than in real life, though you're not sure that's possible. You watch as he rounds the bases... Could you have done anything differently in this dream? Maybe seized a bit of a psychological advantage?  Well, there's been enough hints that there's something we can do here. >TRY AGAIN At least that's what I do, but this is a bit screwed up - trying again puts me at the point where the game has already started, which is too late for me to change something I need to change, so instead, we reload entirely and start over.  ♪ BGM: Dream Sequence ♫ The critical moment is here. If we actually get a movie, we will find that we will gain some critical help in our locker room. >GROWN UPS 2 Grown Ups 2 is the sequel to the 2010 film Grown Ups, featuring Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, and David Spade. Do you want to rent Grown Ups 2? >YES You receive a copy of Grown Ups 2 from the Redbox machine. Now, let's head back to the locker room and >WAIT. You pop in the DVD of Grown Ups 2 that you rented from the Redbox outside of the stadium. After all, you have a couple of hours to wait until the first pitch. The other New York players gather around as soon as they see a movie playing. They are drawn in by the natural charisma of Adam Sandler and his wacky friends. You bond with your teammates, just as the primary cast of Grown Ups 2 learns to bond over...uh... becoming grown ups. A second time. Because it is the second film. As the film wraps up, New York starter David Wells comes up to you to thank you for the pre—game entertainment. David Wells? That's not right. He wasn't on the team because he retired a long time ago.This is a dream sequence, just go with it. I, uh, okay.David Wells sticks around after the movie is over and the rest of the team disperses to go onto the field. You are in the New York locker room. The has just begun. The door to the bullpen is now open. Your new friend David Wells remains in the locker room. >LOOK AROUND The New York locker room is now empty except for the imposing figure of David Wells. He is still going on about the nuanced themes of friendship from Grown Ups 2. "Perhaps they were grown ups all along, or maybe they needed each other to become grown ups?" he ponders. "Perhaps even we, as the audience, are the actual 'grown ups' the title refers to?" >TALK TO YOUR TEAMMATES David Wells asks if you want to go get a beer. Maybe you should go look for a place to get a beer with David Wells. Sure. >GO WEST You are in an open field west of a baseball stadium with a locked front door. There is a Redbox machine that has been knocked over lying on the ground. >EXAMINE REDBOX There is something stuck in the card reader of the Redbox machine. Do you want to take it? We're in a text adventure, might as well grab everything (and then reload when it turns out that thing kills us). >YES You receive a stolen credit card! You know that it's stolen because what kind of idiot would leave his own credit card in the machine after knocking it over? Actually, while we're at it... >LOOK AROUND The crowds from earlier have dispersed now that the game has begun. Near the road, the Redbox from earlier has been tipped over, probably by overenthusiastic fans. You wonder what kind of person would destroy a Redbox machine, which did nothing wrong but attempt to provide convenient entertainment to the public at an affordable price. This dream sequence is brought to you by the Redbox Corporation (TM). View the selection available in your area at http://www.redbox.com Good to know! >GO SOUTH Now that the game has begun, everyone has gone into the bars and restaurants to watch. There is a specific open bar to the east, and an impenetrable brick wall to the west. David Wells is here with you. >GO EAST David Wells' face lights up as you enter the bar. "Yeah, this is totally my bag," he says, though you don't entirely know what he means by that. You approach the bartender. Will you buy drinks for yourself and David Wells? Of course! >YES You use the stolen credit card to buy drinks for yourself and David Wells. David Wells takes you to a dark and secluded corner of the bar, which would normally get you a little scared because he is known as a man of ill repute througout the clubhouse. But after watching the comedic stylings of Adam Sandler and sharing a drink, you understand that he is just looking for a friend. "Hey, Bobson, how about I teach you how to throw my curveball?" David Wells asks. You know that this is ridiculous--the game has already started, after all—-but you realize that you have come to trust David Wells. If he thinks he can teach you to throw a curveball... well, who are you to doubt him? You and David Wells return to the stadium, and go to the bullpen. He shows you his curveball grip, and you immediately take to the pitch. By the ninth inning, you have come to understand how David Wells used an excellent curve to make up for an otherwise underwhelming arsenal. Then the call comes into the bullpen. The pitcher on the mound is in trouble. If Carlos Rodriguez comes to the plate, you will have to be ready to face him. Could Wells' curveball change history? A strange feeling of deja vu envelopes you as you realize where the game is going. You have seen this all before. 2-1 lead for New York, runners on base, and Carlos Rodriguez coming to the plate. You keep hoping something different will happen. Another runner will get on base, a batter will pop up instead of strike out--anything to change the script, however small. After all, this is a dream, right? It's not a memory or a simulation. Why would everything happen the same way? What sense would that make? Then the call to the bullpen comes, just as it did before. You can't escape the machine, even here. ♪ BGM: Terminate ♫ With every pitch you throw, you feel the sense of dread increasing. You know what's coming. You know that soon you will be in a count where you can only throw the slider. Most of all, you know what he's going to do with the slider. You can see Rodriguez's smug face looking back at you from the batter's box, like he also knows what is about to happen. But is that possible? This is your mind, not his. Before you know it, the time has come. He's fouled off every fastball you've thrown, and laid off every slider you've run in on his hands. You have to throw the slider for a strike.  Time to change history. >THROW A CURVEBALL ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ That's right! There is another option. This time *is* different. Now you know how to throw David Wells' curveball. Sure, you've never thrown it in a game before but how much worse could the result really be? Gripping the baseball just like Wells showed you, you go into the windup. Just as you are about to deliver the ball, you see a moment of confusion flash across Rodriguez's face. Even he doesn't know what's coming. Swing and a miss! You struck him out! ♪ BGM: The Entrance ♫ But, of course, this is just a dream. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change history. Except...   Indeed, you have done well Bobson. David Wells! It really is you! It wasn't just a dream. This is still a dream sequence, kid, but whatever helps you get through the day. Anyway, I'm here to teach you a curveball for real. For real? I thought you said this was a dream. You gotta quit thinking about things, kid. You're just going to get yourself hurt.Bobson has learned the curveball! I can feel the wisdom of pitchers past flow through my veins. Sandy Koufax. Bert Blyleven. Adam Wainwright. I now understand how to throw a pitch that will tumble into the strikezone or into the dirt. Thank you, David Wells. You be careful, Bobson, because the curveball is a dangerous beast. With two strikes, you can throw it out of the zone to try and get the batter to chase... but before that, if you try to place it in the strike zone, you might end up hanging it. You must be careful with the curveball. Thrown in the wrong spot, it is the easiest pitch to hit. I understand, David Wells. Now, we will test your new pitch. Another phantom batter? That's right, and you should be sure to save beforehand.Yay, more saves. All right, time to bring the hog in for the slaughter. Uh, okay... We fight another one of these guys. It's really not all that different.  Time for you to return to the real world. The PEZ is wearing off. Oh, so that's why my stomach feels like a rock... ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ Just hope they don't test my pee, because I'm definitely diabetic now.And that's it for this segment. Next up, we'd rejoin Kami and the gang at Twitter HQ, but before that, there is something we'll go over here. We could've done something differently. ♪ BGM: Dream Sequence ♫ Let's get the other one instead. >JACK RYAN: SHADOW RECRUIT Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit is an action film that both acts as its own original story and a re-boot of previous Tom Clancy adaptations featuring the character of Jack Ryan. Do you want to rent Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit? >YES Now, when we wait in the locker room... Before you sit down to wait, you put in the DVD of Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit to watch while you prepare for the game. You hope that the all-American heroism of Tom Clancy's classic protagonist can distract you from the upcoming game. Your teammates eventually join you on the bench to watch. When the film is over, you are approached by starting pitcher Andy Pettitte, who wants to thank you for the pleasant distraction of a mediocre but inoffensive political thriller. Andy Pettitte? But he retired before I was even drafted by New York.Are you really questioning the logic of a dream sequence caused by eating expired PEZ candy? I, uh, okay.And when we then >LOOK AROUND... The New York locker room is now empty except for the crafty lefthander, Andy Pettite. He is still contemplating the questions of international relations raised in Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit. "Could Wall Street really be a viable target for a terrorist plot intended to benefit the Russian Federation? The markets are so entwited, I have my doubts, but the film was quite convincing." With Pettitte in our party, he wants to get a hot dog instead of getting a drink. We use the stolen credit card to buy a drink, then trade it with the hot dog vendor to get hot dogs (he doesn't take credit cards). You and Andy Pettitte sit on the curb and enjoy the hot dogs as you watch the baseball game through the window of a nearby bar. "Do you think a hot dog is a sandwich?" Andy Pettitte asks as he finishes eating. We can either say >YES... You reply to Andy Pettitte that, of course, a hot dog is a sandwich. It is meat placed between bread, with toppings added as desired. What part of that isn't a sandwich? Andy Pettitte is inclined to agree, but he then pontificates, "what of a burrito, then?" You tell him that a tortilla isn't bread, and that clears up all the confusion surrounding the matter. At least for now. ...or >NO. You tell Andy Pettitte that a hot dog could not be a sandwich, because there is only one piece of bread. A sandwich requires two pieces of bread. "But what of the hoagie?" Andy Pettitte inquires. "Isn't that made with a single piece of bread split down the middle? Surely, a hoagie is a sandwich." "You mean a submarine sandwich?" you ask. "I mean a grinder," Andy Pettitte responds. "Oh, so a poor boy." "A po' boy?" "No, a hero." "You mean a spuckie, right?" "What the gently caress is a spuckie?" "It's like a wedge." "Basically, a bomber." "Exactly." You and Andy Pettitte clear up the sandwich issue with enough difficulty that you forget your argument regarding hot dogs. Regardless of what we pick... As you finish your discussion, Andy Pettitte drops a bombshell: "How about I teach you my curveball?" It's already the second inning of game six of the World Series, but you can't turn down this opportunity. You return to the stadium and begin working out in the bullpen. Over the next two hours, Pettitte teaches you how to throw the curveball he used to offset his cutter. Then, the rest of the adventure goes the same. After that, when we arrive in the World of Pitching... Woah, I'm back here again. You are here for a reason, Bobson. Andy Pettitte! It really is you! It wasn't just a dream. Are you a pitcher, dreaming that you are a butterfly? Or are you a butterfly dreaming that you are a pitcher? I don't think that butterflies have come up at all during this dream sequence. That is unfortunate. Either way, it is time that you learn a curveball. I'm still trying to figure out this butterfly thing. I was trying to be deep. Why is everyone always trying to be deep? Moose, Zizek, now even Andy Pettitte. Why shouldn't I be able to be deep? It's... I didn't mean anything by it or anything, I just like to keep things simple. Fine, then we'll get on with this.And finally, after defeating the Batter from the Ether... Well done, Bobson! You are already well on your way to mastering the curveball. Time for you to return to the real world. The PEZ is wearing off. You know, I always prefered HGH. Oh, is that the strawberry flavored gum? Goodbye, Bobson.Now, whether you have Wells or Pettitte teach you a curveball makes wide, sweeping changes for the rest of the game, so of course, I spent a great amount of time and effort figuring out the optimal choice to make.  ...yeah, it doesn't make a difference who you get. But anyway, that'll be it for this update. Before we go, however, something on the pitchers we just heard about. TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
Next time: Twitter HQ. TheMcD fucked around with this message at 18:17 on Jun 12, 2019 |
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Jun 10, 2019 20:10
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SSNeoman posted:can someone explain this gif to me? I don't know my baseballs Short version: That is Adam Wainwright striking out Carlos Beltran to win the 2006 National League Championship Series for the St. Louis Cardinals. The Cardinals would go on to win the World Series that year. I have it on good authority, people don't really like the Cardinals, nor their fans. Though others are more qualified to explain why people don't like them, I don't know a lot about that.
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Jun 10, 2019 23:07
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Breadmaster posted:I'm not a baseball fan of any sort, but I was kind of surprised by the clip where Colon's bat broke. Like, in retrospect, it shouldn't be surprising, since those things are used to hit balls traveling at 80+ mph. It just never registered in my brain that they could break. How often does that happen? It's not that uncommon that you think "oh wow, a broken bat", but it's still usually a surprise. What is rare is when the broken bat shenanigans get weirder. Like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmXOZtNjOew
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Jun 11, 2019 11:31
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Solitair posted:I'm still kind of amazed that pitchers have so much control over the trajectory and speed of their pitches. There come points in watching a baseball game that you're convinced whatever that guy on the mound is doing is outright magic. https://twitter.com/pitchingninja/status/616232393708568576
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Jun 11, 2019 15:53
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1234567890num posted:I played this game because of this LP. Just finished it over the last few days. I like the game, but wasn't pleased when I learned that the Curveball is missable (I think). I bought the hot dog and thought it was better than buying the films Yeah, the curve is missable. Actually, the majority of the pitches you can learn are missable. Anyway, I'll probably start posting all of the critique and Win Hexpectancy bits in my updates from now on, because I recorded a new batch of gameplay, and I just gently caress-that-ed my way past a battle, so I'll just have to get the stuff out of RPG Maker instead. I think all I'm missing as of now is some of Zizek's stuff in the battle against Dugan.
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Jun 12, 2019 18:24
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Update XI - gently caress The Cultural Context! ♪ BGM: Zizek's Theme ♫ So, before we begin this update proper, we have some unfinished business. In the interest of fully showing off this game, it has come to my attention that I have not given you all the possibilities for the philosophizing Zizek uses in battle. So here is the remaining stuff from the two battles we've had so far. ----- Zizek vs. The Concept Of Irony Kantian Critiques: Perhaps if we consider that moral behavior is rational behavior, we can understand the fundemental flaws of irony. Truly, it must be both immoral and irrational to appreciate in any fashion the failure of the universe to organize itself in a proper manner.Order is necessary - Order is an illusion Celebrating incongruous results from the entropic machine we call reality only encourages entropy.----- Clearly there is such a thing as wrong, and as such there must be such a thing as morally right. But at times the two come into conflict, and what appears to be right is proven as wrong.There is no right or wrong - There is irony This is the true meaning of irony!----- Marxist Critiques: Irony takes multiple forms, and can be used to either subvert or bolsterthe ruling class. Irony is both of the following: The poor man stealing from the rich man, such as the Robin Hood of legend. For it is typically the rich who steal from the poor. But irony is also the cynical--or kynical--rejection of this subversion as legend rather than an ideal to aspire to.Reject Irony - Embrace Irony Irony is a tool to be used, like a hammer which can be brought to build the factories of the people or crush their legs before they rise in opposition.----- We think we are smart, but we are not nearly as clever as the gilded gears of Capital. We are led to believe that we live in a post-ideological society, and that the conflicts of the past have been resolved.And that is irony! - Go deeper... The true irony is that obeying the law is more of a crime than disobeying it. Such a statement can be both irony and truth.Zizek vs. Jimmy Dugan Kantian Critiques: The strange thing about this world is that I am not even sure that it truly exists. I brought it into existence with Ontology, but is it not true that all worlds have been brought into existence by perception? I'm definitely real!Everything is real - Nothing is real Indeed... For, in fact, everything is real. Reality is only bounded by perception, and thus there is no utility in attempting to quantify anything beyond perception.----- There are two kinds of knowledge: Sensual and logical. But which kind of knowledge can serve to explain your existence?Sensual - Logical It must be sensual knowledge. Your sudden emergence as a being of experience and cognition is entirely unpredictable. If I could not see you... If I could not hear your words, there would be no doubt that you did not exist...because you cannot exist. And yet you do exist.----- Marxist Critiques: Have you ever considered that, perhaps, you are a mere tool of Capitalism? Why do you capitalize "Capitalism"?Because I speak of a self-defined concept - Because I'm talking about the game Because I speak of a self-defined concept of Capitalism. It is the unfortunate truth that any word-such as the world "capitalism"-can be defined to mean any number of things. There are those who mistakenly define "capitalism" with the concept that others would use to describe "freedom". I would say that this definition is wrong but, by defintion, no defintion can be wrong... it can only be unpopular. My head hurts.----- And now, on with our regular broadcast.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ Time to find out what this Twitter thing is all about.  Looks like some people are hanging around Twitter HQ for some reason or another. Let's have a chat.  That is indeed very convenient. Narratively convenient, mostly.  I suppose there are worse things to do when you can't sleep. Now, let's head inside.  ♪ BGM: Nolkrinite - Headquarters ♫ Sir, we have very important business here. You might recognize me. My name is Mike Mussina. The pitching coach for the New York-- I don't care who you are. You have to leave. It's past midnight. If this building is closed, why was the door unlocked? That was a mistake and I would appreciate it if-- Don't you care that I am a well-known Major League pitcher? And I haven't even introduced you to my companion. You might say that I am a man of mystery, but that would require you to believe that anything is truly capable of being known. I don't care who you are! You need to leave! It seems we have to reconsider our plan. Calling this "a plan" was awfully generous to begin with. I could offer to sign a few baseballs. I do not believe this man to be impressed by celebrity, which means that he should be king of this country or rotting in its gulags, and so on. Maybe this was all a mistake. If we can't get upstairs, why are we even here? Are you seriously giving up already? I thought you hated this plan. Or, you know, lack thereof. Maybe, but I also hate giving up. The elevator is right there, behind the desk. All we have to do is distract him, then run into the elevator. I highly doubt that he is the only security at this incredibly wealthy company. We'll deal with that when we get there. Now you're onboard with the plan!Let's talk to this guy again and see what happens.  Here, let me show you a magic trick. Uh, well, okay I guess... Look at everything around you? Do you see this? Do you believe it is real? Abracadabra! Now you are a fraud. Wait, what? Your belief is a lie you tell yourself, to coerce yourself into waking up each day. Oh god... There is no god here. ... Now! He is questioning his existence! To the elevator!Success! But before we go there...  Well, we just so happen to have one! Oh wow! You're so nice! Here, have this dirty Mountain Dew.Now, on to the elevator and the next floor.  I do not need another breaking and entering conviction on my record, what with all the pre—concieved notions I have broken and minds I have entered. Stay out of the line of sight of these employees and we might just get away with this. Why do we have to get to those stairs? Why didn't we take the elevator all the way up? They can't see you if they are looking in another direction, so proceed accordingly. You didn't answer my question. I don't think I would have an answer that would satisfy you. We just have to sneak past these guards. Can you do that? Sure, fine, I can do that. RPG Maker stealth wooooo. So these guards walk in predetermined patterns, and if you cross their line of sight, you get caught and thrown back to the previous floor.  Did you know I once had to sneak into the Yankees locker room to plant a listening device in Alex Rodriguez's suit jacket? Compared to that, this is a piece of cake. Why were the Yankees spying on their own player? There are many reasons one might want to expand on one's observations of the universe. Those in power seek control of those around them, fearing that if they were to lose control then life would go on as normal without them... thus proving that they are utterly worthless. The New York Yankees are no different. Nah, Derek Jeter just wanted to make sure Rodriguez wasn't getting more groupies than him. Not much has changed from the simulated 1940s, has it? The world has become smaller, and yet in doing so has become much bigger. Guys, we're doing an awful lot of talking for three people trying to sneak around. She is right. For once, silence is the answer.So, another floor of sneaking. Nothing all that special, except for one thing.  This will come in handy later. I mean, I assume it will, else why would it be here?  Wait! Don't move! Keep absolutely still. Her vision is based on movement. That... I don't even know how to respond to that. It was a quote from the 1993 film "Jurassic Park" so it is not surprising that you are unable to parse the cultural context. gently caress the cultural context! Whether you are using movie quotes or not, you're trying to tell me that these guards only see movement? Some would tell you that Jurassic Park is an important film that you should make haste to experience as you acclimate yourself to this time. However, it is my position that there is far more insight to be gleaned from the second sequel, Jurassic Park 3. The cultural detritus of Hollywood becomes truly fascinating when it abandons all pretension to art and embraces the pretension of spectacle. That's not my problem with what Moose said! You have been hounding me every step of the way through this plan. Do I even have to say anything? gently caress that! You think I'd just quit now, because you've told me yet another ridiculous story? I'll put up with you telling me that we can sneak into a giant company, or that certain people can only perceive movement. But you won't question my motivation! Let's go!We need to do a little loop-around here to get to the elevator, but again, nothing that causes any problems.  But all we have to do is wait until she turns away, right? That should be the case.... I do not believe that she is turning away. Ah, so she has thwarted us by remaining perfectly still. Clever girl... Just so you know, Kami, that is also a reference to the 1993 film Jurassic Park. We have to get past her to reach the control panel. I believe that one of us is going to have to fight her. Really? You go straight to a violent solution? When in America, do as the Americans do.Who will fight the Twitter security guard?  So, we could have a fight here, but there is an alternate solution we managed to get because we were dilligent while sneaking. gently caress that! We can use these tech magazines we found to distract her. That's a great idea, Kami. These types can't resist reading about new paradigms in tech.Kami throws the tech magazines to the side of the elevator! Okay, now we should be able to use the panel in the back. Oh! I've been wanting to read about the new streaming protocols! Looks like she won't be a problem anymore. Now, what could have been instead? I'm going to show the dialogue from the three options because I really like the dialogue here. All of these begin with us moving in the guard's line of sight so she spots us. Hey! I saw you move! you need to get out of here!From there, it splits. What Could Have Been posted:Moose vs. Twitter Security: What Could Have Been posted:Kami vs. Twitter Security: What Could Have Been posted:Zizek vs. Twitter Security:  Now, back to our current objective. We want to find whoever is in charge of this place so we can get the right things trending... so I guess we should head to the top floor. As usual, we are slaves to the structures of power, forced to go where they indicate that we must. I'm... I'm just going to push the top button. Are you sure you pressed the button for the top floor, Kami? Of course I did! We did have elevators in the virtual 1940s, after all. What was it that you hoped to find up here, Moose? Like I said: Surely there is someone in charge of this place who can use their power to help turn the tide of social media in Bobson's favor. A noble effort but I fear you may have been fundementally misunderstanding the nature of Twitter. Are you saying we wasted our time? With each passing hour we come closer to the beginning of game seven. How could I be so stupid? Don't go getting all upset just yet! Isn't that a computer terminal and a book just over there? If that stuff is here, it must be there for a reason, and probably because it belongs to someone. Let's go take a look and maybe they will come back while we wait.Time to rifle through some stuff.  "You thought Twitter was run by a person; how could you be so stupid?" Wow, really cuts right to the bone. Who writes a book with exactly one sentence in it? Especially a sentence so mean and remarkably applicable to the moment at hand? That seems both wasteful and cruel. But it's right... C'mon, let's ignore this nasty book. So where is this Al Gorithms? Is he coming back here soon, because I can't wait to beat some sense into him. I'm not talking about a person, Kami. Jeez, I know you're mad but you don't have to dehumanize Mr. Gorithms like that. No, it's... I... I thought you were the one who knew all about math. How can you not know what algorithms are? Math and computing aren't the same thing, Moose. Consider yourself, Moose. You are an expert in manipulating the path and trajectory of a baseball. But if one were to ask you to circumnavigate the Earth, it is likely that you would be lost, or at least confused. Yet, both the baseball and the Earth are spheres, and all I am asking is for you to apply your ability to manipulate to a task that should be simpler. Is this fair? Should I judge your inability to traverse the globe by your pitching ability? No! Ridiculous! I get the point. But where does this leave us? She can't program the algorithms to help out Bobson. Don't let it get you down! We'll figure out something. Well, there's nothing here. If Twitter is controlled entirely by this computer system, there's no one to convince to help us. Wait, don't give up just yet! I think I have an idea. Did you figure out how to write algorithms? No, but I think there's a way to find someone who can help us. I'm all ears. A man who is made up entirely of ears would be both a horrible mutant and the ideal candidate for understanding the beauty of listening. Zizek, you brought me out of a very simple computer game... Can't you do something similar here? You mean... Applied Ontology? If you pulled me out of that computer, why can't you do the same for this Al Gorithm? I know you mean well, Kami, but like we keep telling you... There is no "Al Gorithm". It's a code, like a series of complex virtual machines that perform functions. There's no personality there. Wait!♪ BGM: Zizek's Theme ♫ I had momentarily forgotten that “truth" can have multiple meanings. There is both the objective reality, the "truth" which cannot possibly be known because we can only perceive it through our senses... which interpret not reality, but the signs projected by reality. After all, color is only the visible spectrum of refracted light. Therefore we can say there is another "truth"——that is to say the signs in a given system which most resemble reality. But what does this all mean? I may not be able to use Applied Ontology to create a sentient physical manifestation of Twitter in the truth of reality... but I can use Applied Ontology to bring forth an interconnected system of signs which we can interact with and convince to help and so on. For all practical purposes I will bring this reality forth! Are you sure about this, Zizek? No, but that is why I must try! Dasein!  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ This is quite unexpected. Perhaps this time I have gone too far? It is said that there are some doors which should not be opened, but that begs a rather important question: Why would such a door be built, in lieu of a wall or fence? Does the responsibility fall then upon he who has opened the door... the craftsman who designed the door to be penetrable...or the designer who chose to utilize a door in the first place? Was it I who overstepped the bounds? Or was it God?  Yes, but what is "it" that I have done? There's only one way to find out. ♪ BGM: Twitter ♫ This... This thing can really talk to us? Of course I can talk! I am a medium for #networking. I am feeling deeply uncomfortable right now. This is what we wanted, isn't it? Now we can ask this thing to help us out. Please do not call me a thing. I am @twitter and I am a social media platform and micro-blogging website. #awareness gently caress! gently caress YOU ALL YOU AWFUL PIECES OF HUMAN TRASH. #HUMANTRASH #YEAHYOU Oh I am dreadfully sorry about that. I am still working on a way to remove the #trolls from my network. #BuildABetterTwitter Wait, does it have feelings? What have I done, truly? Okay, @twitter, we brought you here because we need your help. I am sorry. Are you having difficulty accessing your account? Perhaps you are looking for @support. No, nothing like that. We need you to hide certain tweets so it looks like our friend Bobson has the fans behind him. It appears that you are asking me to do something #unethical. I do not need to be lectured on ethics by a virtual construct that I have brought into this world. I was pondering ethics back when people had to publish their thoughts on paper... and the only thing anyone wanted to read with 140 characters was a novel by Honoré de Balzac. Do not worry, I did not say that I would not #honor your request to assist your friend. #YesWeCan I merely need to find a way to #monetize your request. Are... Are you asking for a bribe? A bribe? No, that would be completely #unethical. I merely must find some way to #monetize this transaction. Well, I'm a millionaire baseball player and Zizek here has the ability to conjure physical objects from mere concepts... so I'm pretty sure we can make it worth your while. You do not seem to be understanding that I am not asking for a #bribe. Buddy, if you're not asking for a bribe then I'm not sure you understand what the word "monetize" means. It wouldn't be the first time I have been accused of failing to understand the concept. #JustTechStartupThings So if we can't bribe you, what can we do? We bent the laws of nature and science to bring you here. We cannot leave emptyhanded. Maybe you can take some of these computers? I don't need them any more and they must be worth something. You can #monetize them. Again, you seem to be misunderstanding-— What this...thing does or doesn't understand isn't important! We need to find a way to get it to help Bobson! Please stop #dehumanizing me. Whatever you are, it's not human. Both of you, stop arguing! Technically speaking, neither of you are human. You are both abominations of my own creation. You want my help? Take me with you on your quest. If you help us, the quest is pretty much over so-- Shhh, Zizek! Don't let it know that! We have leverage now. Of course you can come with us on our quest, @twitter. We would be glad to have you. Thank you, Ms. Kaminari. We can be #abominations together."We can be #abominations together" is probably contender for the greatest sentence in this game, and that's saying something, given the competition. The hashtag really makes it. YOU ARE A HORRID CREATURE AND YOUR EXTERMINATION WOULD MEAN MORE TO THE HUMAN RACE THAN ALL THE WORKS OF POSTMODERN ART PUT TOGETHER. #THETRUTH Oh dear, again, so #sorry for the #trolls. Does this mean you'll do it? You will suppress all the tweets calling for Bobson to be removed from the closer's role? What you ask of me is not #simple, but I will attempt it. #HardWork I will delve deep into the realm of #baseball twitter and I will destroy the tweets against Bobson. I will need to destroy at least 30 of these prominent tweets to be #successful. But you will keep your end of this #bargain. Of course! You will come along with us on our... uh...quest. Then let's do this! Watch out, #baseball. Here I come!Press arrow keys to move. "Z" and "Enter" to shoot. Retweets double your lasers, @s increase power. Favs restore your health. Press "A" to use the Favstar trophy. Yes, it's time for a loving shmup. We need to shoot down anti-Bobson tweets. So let's get to it!  ♪ BGM: Twitter 2 ♫ ...pffft. https://twitter.com/jonheyman/status/12897971373 TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:Jon Heyman, the writer of this tweet, is a baseball insider that, amongst other things, works at MLB Network. However, being a baseball insider does not mean you get everything right. In fact, if you check the replies to that tweet, you will find copious amounts of people laughing at him after the fact. So... Man, that was a lot of text. Let's bring back that image to remind us. There we go. So this is an incredibly simple shmup. You just blast anti-Bobson symbols forever and avoid their shots.  The difficulty keeps going up...  ...until you eventually lose.  I did it! Your friend #Bobson should be #trending within a few minutes. Yay! Trending! No, #trending. What's the difference? Trending won't get you #trending. I don't get it. Zizek? ... He's not talking. Moose, I’m scared. Well, new #friends, I did what you said! Now, we're going to go on an adventure together, right? That is what we agreed to. And we need to get back to Bobson then the stadium. It's morning and we're less than 12 hours 'til the game.@twitter has joined the party! Let's #go! ♪ BGM: Twitter ♫ And thus, the prophecy of my thread title has been truly fulfilled. Baseball, Zizek, Hentai and Twitter. And they're all in our party now. Next time, we return to the PEZ factory and see if we can't get Bobson back. TheMcD fucked around with this message at 21:09 on Jun 15, 2019 |
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Jun 15, 2019 20:56
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freshlybaked posted:One of my favourite bits of dialogue actually come from Kami asking Moose to explain the vision thing OK, yeah, I just looked that up and it's pretty good. quote:
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Jun 15, 2019 21:35
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1234567890num posted:For the Twitter shmups, is it possible to lose? The dialogue implies that we need to shoot at least 30, but I never tried otherwise. You can fail, but you just try again. #JustKeepSwimming
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Jun 18, 2019 19:39
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Update XII - Sometimes There Isn't An Answer. There Is Only Fear And Despair. ♪ BGM: Pez Factory ♫ So, last time, we committed a crime against humanity by manifesting @Twitter in this world. Thankfully, it's still a more benign form of what it is today. This @Twitter just wants to #monetize some #brands. Anyway, we're back in the PEZ factory, ready to pick up Bobson. I told you guys to go away! I'm not coming out until I've taken enough PEZ to fix what's wrong with me. Your talent isn't what's wrong with you, Bobson, it's the media! And with the power of Twitter, we have fixed that! Just check your timeline! Yes! Always check your #timeline! You never know when you might have some important #promoted tweets! Who is that? It's a very long story! Let us in and you'll find out! First he's gotta check his #timeline! Wow! Everyone is suddenly calling for me to be named the closer again! That's right! The #narrative has changed! #progress Now, if this is for real... Coach will have to put me back in for the ninth inning! Okay, guys, you can come on in! I'm... uh... Kind of trapped in here. Of course you are.Alright, let's head inside.  Kids don't like PEZ anymore. The novelty of the dispensers is lost on them in an era of interactive media. Right, Zizek? ... He is being awful quiet. Moose, I'm worried. We need to find Bobson and he's not here. What kind of trouble is he into? Look! There is'a computer #terminal over there. We should check it out. #curious You realize that this terminal is important? Well, it is right next to that #door? It's a door, not a #door! What are you? Calm down, Zizek. Not now.Now, let's check this place out.  Hrm. I don't think this was intended.  Boy, you want to talk about dubious claims... PEZ has never even been #trendingToday, you will have the privilege of learning about the history of PEZ and the process of making the candy that has made our company famous. Based on my #analytics, it is not the candy which made your company famous, but the dispensers. #sorrynotsorry It's a computer program, @twitter. It can't understand you. But I am a computer program. #confused You're different, @twitter. Yes... Yes you are.The very first PEZ candies were not the sweet, fruit-flavored treats enjoyed by children around the world. No, the very first PEZ were actually breath mints! Developed in 1927 by Austrian confectioner Eduard Haas III, the very first PEZ candies were made from peppermint oil. In fact, the name PEZ derives from the german word for peppermint: "pfefferminz." After World War II, PEZ released the very first version of the now-iconic dispenser, but the target wasn't children--it was smokers! Hmph, an Austrian company *would* skip right over World War II, wouldn't it? Right, Zizek? Hmph.The first PEZ dispensers were designed to look like cigarette lighters, and marketed as an anti-smoking device. But the folks at PEZ were just too forward thinking, and the smokers of the world weren't ready to quit. However. the novelty ot the dispensers appealed to a new audience-children. Fitting the dispensers with the likeness of popular cartoon characters, PEZ transformed into a cultural phenomenon. It's first licensed dispenser featured the likeness of Popeye characters, but the most popular dispensers came many years later, coinciding with the 1990s re-release of the Star Wars films. Is this really getting us closer to finding Bobson? I don't see any other way of opening this door.Various Disney and comic book characters have bolstered the appeal of the iconic PEZ dispenser over the years. The rarest PEZ dispenser of all is the "soft face" Mickey Mouse, a prototype that never went to public release. And now, as we enter a new era of candy, PEZ is poised to continue its dominance of the field, with new products from the Lord of the Rings and Marvel franchises. Now that you've heard the history, are you ready to begin the tour? Yes! God, yes!First, there will be a quiz. You have to be kidding me!Are you ready? We then answer three questions - when PEZ was founded, what the original purpose was, and what the rarest dispenser is.  After answering them correctly, we get to move on to the next room. This seems terribly #inefficient Hey, Zizek, this reminds me of the hallway in your-- Zizek? He's gone! But he was just here. Where did he run off to? I did not see him leave. Then again, I do not have #eyes. He couldn't have gone far. There isn't really any place for him to go. Is this normal for him? That wouldn't really surprise me, so I want to make sure we're not worried about nothing. I don't know. I just met Zizek last night. Wow, it seems like you've known each other forever. Venturing into an erotic Japanese PC game together creates a special bond. Did someone mention erotic #games? NO! God, no. We're done with that. Let's just keep going forward, find Bobson, then we can look for Zizek.And in the next room...  ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ I keep eating all these PEZ but they aren't doing anything. I don't feel any stronger. I don't understand... How were you trapped in here? To go through that door you have to answer all sorts of tricky trivia. I did it once, I'm not doing it again. I've had enough trivia for one day. But you only had to answer the trivia to get inside! But the door wouldn't open! Oh. Oh, now I get it. What is so hosed up with this world that you managed to make it to adulthood? Until I was 19 I though that Canadian Bacon was just regular bacon fried in maple syrup. Why would you even volunteer that!?!? Hey, where's Zizek? He'd appreciate my confusion. And what's this thing following you guys around? I am not a thing! I am @twitter. Really? Because you have some loving explaining to do with some of the horrible names you've called me when I give up runs. No, Bobson, you're thinking of the people who use twitter. This is @twitter itself. Just a few seconds ago, you said that I wasn't making any sense. Just go with it, kid. @twitter is the reason that all the sports networks are calling for you to stay in the closer spot now. It deleted a bunch of criticism of you from social media, so lazy journalists think that the narrative has changed. MY USERS ARE UNCONSCIONABLE PIECES OF poo poo WHO SHOULD BE EUTHANIZED AT ALL COST. #KILLTHEMALL Oh my... I don't know where that came from. I will sometimes have outbursts like that because my network is infested with #trolls. Seriously, guys, where's Zizek? He wouldn't be able to explain this but he'd at least say something that seems profound. He disappeared on the way here. We don't know where he went. #mystery This isn't good! We need to find him! Actually, we don't. This whole quest has been about learning another pitch and keeping you in the closer position. I think you can just assume what I'm deciding at this point. Or even before. gently caress that! Zizek is part of Team Bobson! We are not leaving him behind. Wait, we're Team Bobson now? I mean, I agree with your overall sentiment that we shouldn't just ignore Zizek's disappearance. But, c'mon, you don't just get to name the team after yourself, especially after you just loving left us to hang out in a candy factory for several hours. I think we're Team @twitter because everyone knows that I have the biggest #brand in the room. What did you just say about my-- This is getting us nowhere! I think we need to decide on a team name before we go anywhere. Even to check on Zizek at his apartment? Like you wanted to do at the start of this conversation? I don't know, Moose, there is nothing more important than #branding. Okay, fine, but we are reopening this discussion once Zizek is back. I bet he'll go for Team Bobson.Bobson re-joined the party! Yay! Alright, time to head back again.  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ I told you it was a one-way thing. Well, you also told me that-- ♪ BGM: Terminate ♫ Are you kidding me? Now? You again? Are you stalking us? Where is your philosopher friend? Did I scare him off? Go away, Rodriguez. This bit where you show up and harass us is getting old. Am I getting old, Moose? Or are you? What are you doing here? Looks to me like Bobson is on the verge of reclaiming the closer job. Good. I can't wait to destroy you again. Weren't you just taunting him about losing his job a few hours ago? Your motivation isn't even consistent. Oh, but isn't it? No, it's not! You can't just loving flip things on their head with "oh, but isn't it" like it is deep and meaningful. Oh, but can't I? Argh! You are so god drat infuriating! What are you going to do about it? You're a video game character. #Correction, she is an #erotic video game character. You're not helping, @twitter! I'll show you what I can do! I bet you've never even heard of Sabermagics. Kami, this probably isn't a good-- Sabermagics, eh? Whatever you say, babe. Babe? BABE? Oh, you're going down, you strange walk-up music playing piece of poo poo. ♪ BGM: Kaminari ♫ I can't imagine this is going to go well. Also, the gently caress? TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:So, for some reason, Kami is being listed as a pitcher here, when she was previously established as a shortstop. And with that come sabermetric pitching stats. So, uh, let's give Win Hexpectancy a shot? Blessed Baseba'al, I am but a spoke in the great wheel, but I call upon your power to determine whether I will win this fight. What is this nonsense? I'm calculating Win Hexpectancy. You wouldn't understand. Okay... Two outs, bottom of the ninth, and my team has a one run lead with a base runner on second. The pitcher, a right-hander, is tiring and a league-average left handed batter is about to come to the plate. Well, you'd think this is a job for the LOOGY, right? Clearly, this is a job for the LOOGY-- the Lefthanded One Out Guy. Bring him in to deal with the batter. But then the manager just pulls the batter for a RH pinch hitter, and you are stuck with a guy on the mound who is only good against LH hitting....poo poo. You... You're right! But then what was I supposed to do? Sometimes you are faced with no-win situations... There is nothing you can do as a manager to help, and all you can do is hope it works out. No! I refuse to believe it.Kami lost the ability to use [Win Hexpectancy] against Carlos Rodriguez! What happens if we try the other answer? And now a tiring right-handed pitcher has to face a left-handed batter. Is that really the optimal match-up?There really is no right answer between those two. So, let's try the Replacement Prayer, then. De profundis clamavi ad te, Domine: Domine, exaudi vocem meam: Fiant aures tuae intendentes, in vocem deprecationis meae. Oh, this is just precious. Domine Iesu, dimitte nobis debita nostra, salva nos ab igne inferiori, perduc in caelum omnes animas, praesertim eas, quae misericordiae tuae maxime indigent. Welp. That could be any number! There's no solution for that problem. You seem obsessed with the idea of a solution. You need to realize that sometimes there isn't an answer. There is only fear and despair. Oh god, you're right...Kami lost the ability to use [Replacement Prayer] against Carlos Rodriguez! Kaminari no longer has any Sabermagics to use. Looks like I've won. ♪ BGM: Pez Factory ♫ Just as I expected. You are like all the rest. You talk a big game, but when it comes down to it you are just another loser. How is this possible? Sabermagics is just something we made up! How could he know how to defeat it? I have to say, Bobson... I'm disappointed. The three of you should know by now that parlour tricks won't work on me. THREE of us? Don't younotice that there are now four of us? #DontForgetTwitter Wow, you guys really are just getting weirder and weirder, aren't you? There's nothing #weird about social media. I help you follow your favorite #brands and keep up on the hot new #trends. Have fun with this one, Bobson. And don't forget, if you're the closer again, I'll be waiting for you in the ninth inning. You don't know that you will actually be hitting in the ninth inning! ...and now he's gone. How the hell does he keep showing up? It can't just be coincidence that he knows where we are all the time. Calm down, Kami. We've all lost to him. It's like a rite of passage at this point. I haven't lost to anyone! @twitter is still #undefeated Eh, give it time. I'm noticing a pattern. Guys, we need to forget Carlos Rodriguez for a bit. Zizek is still out there somewhere and he probably needs our help. That's right! Failure is never #trending so we should aim for #success. I... Uh... Fine, whatever. ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ He had left without telling us where he was going. Some people might have taken that as a message that he didn't want us following him. Or that he knows you should be getting ready for the game tonight!But we weren't going to give up that easily. The first place we checked was his apartment.  ♪ BGM: Spirits Among Us ♫ Let's have a look around! Maybe we'll find a #clue Aren't we violating Zizek's privacy by snooping around his apartment while he's not here? By agreeing to the terms of service, Zizek has waived the right to bring any action for infringements on his #privacy You know that this isn't the internet, right @twitter? Your terms of service don't mean anything here. I see you didn't read the terms of service, either. They apply everwhere, so I can safely search this apartment. #SorryNotSorry Hey, Moose, was bringing this guy out of the internet really such a good idea? No, but we're well past that decision now so we're going to have to get used to it.Alright, let's look around.  Did you really expect to find a clue in the shower? When I was in high school sometimes I would study in the shower because it was the only place I couldn't get distracted by my phone. That wasn't distraction, that was social media #engagement. I did actually kind of expect to get some wisdom on toilets. And yes, I know I already linked this, but it's great.  Please, PLEASE, do not put that image in my head.Zizek fucks.  You... do? Yeah, this is Egon from the Ghostbusters movies. He's the smart one. Like the Donatello to Bill Murray's Leonardo. This is French philosopher Jacques Lacan. Which one of the Ghostbusters is he? Because if he's Ray, Dan Aykroyd has not aged well. Jacques Lacan was not a Ghostbuster! He... He what? Oh, I momentarily forgot Zizek wasn't here. I was giving him an opening to explain how Lacan really *was* a Ghostbuster. Yeah, that sounds like a thing he would do. I miss him... Looks like a bunch of hastily written notes covered in wine stains. Nothing too strange for the apartment of a philosopher. These are all recent! They might give us an idea of what he's up to. Look, this one is some sort of old contract. It's his rental agreement for space at the All Night Bookstore. Why would he be going back to look at that? He was paying for his study room at that bookstore? Jeez, what a nerd. He's circled this part about damage caused to the bookstore by his philosophical experiments. Philosophical experiments shouldn't cause damage to anything. Anything but my attention span. But I was brought into this world with a philosophical experiment. And everyone knows that one bad tweet can #damage a #brand. @twitter is right! Well, not right really... But there is a point in there somewhere. Applied ontology could definitely create a lot of terrible things--things that could damage or destroy the All Night Bookstore. You think that he's at the bookstore? Performing experiments in applied ontology? This could go real bad... We need to help him! Or stop him! I don't really know, this is all confusing. If we are going to an all night bookstore I need to modify my #content viewing #settings. It's not that kind of bookstore!Well, I guess we have our destination now, but let's see what else we can find.  Night? He's only been gone for about an hour. Yiiiikes. What the hell? These drawers are full of Cap'n Crunch cereal. I'm sure Zizek has a good reason for this. Well, Cap'n Crunch *is* delicious. @RealCapnCrunch is one of my favorite #brands. This is entirely unhelpful. I'm sorry, Kami, this must be very disconcerting to you. Even though we disposed of Jimmy Dugan. I feel like we should turn off the computer, but what would happen to my teammates back in Rockford? We'd need Zizek around to even begin to answer that question. Suddenly I'm worried about my buddies #facebook and #myspace. I've got bad news about MySpace... Oh no! Did Tom unfriend me? #ouch Um, just going to let you figure this one out on your own.Alright, that's all we can see in the apartment, time to head to the book store.  All the more reason to hurry this up. We were probably supposed to be at the stadium by now getting ready. Isn't the game hours away? Merely hours, you mean. They make you stand out in the rain? Someone has to protect the bookstore. I mean, I guess so... You gonna let us in this time or are we going to have to fight you? No, you are both now full members of the All Night Bookstore. Go on ahead. Aw man, I'm a member of a bookstore? If I was a teenager I'd shove myself into a locker for this.  Here's the next part of our soda trading chain. You're a lifesaver! Vodka and Sprite tastes terrible. Here, you can have my Sprite instead.Now, to the back.  Zizek seems to have barricaded himself inside of his room at the bookstore. This is especially bad! What do we do now? Coach would kill me if I tried to move all of this furniture. I might hurt myself. We can't give up now! Looks like we are #blocked.♪ BGM: Twitter ♫ Fortunately I know something about #blocking. This is a little bit different from when you block someone on twitter. This involves large physical objects. Don't worry, guys. I know exactly what to do. #dedication Please, just be #careful and stand back while I do my work. #StandBackForTwitter I've seen a lot of #blocking, and when someone really wants to get around a #block they just create a new #account. That won't work here, so I will just #smash my way in. Do you even think that @twitter feels pain? Like, does it have nerves and a brain and all that? I'm not sure @twitter can really accomplish anything here. Let's be fair, we can only guess at how strong it really is. That looks like some heavy furniture... Boy, Kami, remind me not to make @twitter angry. Look! I did it! #strong #dedication What do you think that Zizek was hiding back there? There's only one way to find out...Well, time to see what Zizek has been up to.  ...oh no.  Those are great words of wisdom, Goku. You know this strangely-dressed man? Yeah, this is Son Goku, a member of an extraterrestrial race called the Saiyans who goes on an epic quest to find the dragon balls. Huh, I didn't know that you were such a fan of anime, Bobson. What are you talking about? Dragon Ball isn't anime! ... ... ... Listen, I just arrived in this world a few hours ago and I've had literally no opportunity to learn anything about Dragon Ball... but even I know that Dragon Ball is anime. It's not anime, it's a cartoon! They played it on Saturday mornings. A lot of things they show on Saturday mornings is #anime. What? No way! The difference between a successful person and and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but a lack of will. Wise words, Goku, but we need to settle this debate. Are you anime? No, we don't need him to settle that debate. We need him to tell us where Zizek is. Fatigue makes cowards of us all. That doesn't really help us. Success demands singleness of purpose. Wow, we're really getting nowhere with this guy. Yeah, something sure seems off about Goku...  Gotta go... fast? Sonic the Hedgehog? This is bad. This is REAL bad. Listen, Moose, I know that the new Sonic games get a bad rap but there are a couple of them that really aren't that bad. That's not what I'm talking about. What is Sonic doing here in the real world? THE PEOPLE AT SEGA OF JAPAN SHOULD HAVE THEIR ARMS RIPPED OFF BY ANGRY #MONKEYS FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO SONIC. #FEEDSEGATOMONKEYS I am so very #apologetic, Mr. Sonic. Please believe that the views of my more hostile users do not reflect my own. Something doesn't quite look right with this Sonic... Please kill me. Zizek must have used Applied Ontology to bring Sonic into the real world. I don't think he did a very good job... I'm not supposed to be here. That much is clear. The chili dogs in this world taste like cardboard, my knees ache when I run, and everyone here is just trying to hide their sadness about their own decay. God drat it, Sonic, you're not supposed to say such depressing things aloud! Why do I run... when my only true destination is the grave? This is hosed up, Moose! Sonic the Hedgehog isn't supposed to be sad! I don't know anything about Sonic the Hedgehog but this is all very disturbing. @twitter, Kami: both of you were created by Applied Ontology. Do you have any insight into this? Why would I know anything about this weird hedgehog thing? You are both video game characters that Zizek brought into this world. Well, whatever he is, he's wearing shoes but not pants and it creeps me out. We are both #blue. Perhaps that has some #HiddenMeaning Blue is the color of sadness. I think we should stop talking to this weird thing... First, it needs to tell us where Zizek went. What's a Zizek? Pudgy, sloppy guy. Graying beard. He CREATED you. Well, what do we know? Zizek came here and started bringing fictional characters into the real world. You mean he started bringing MORE fictional characters into the real world. I am not a fictional character. I am @twitter. I believe that Bobson was referring to me, in a passive-agressive manner that is not appreciated. I'm just saying that all this weirdness had to start somewhere. I am not Sonic the Hedgehog or Goku the...uh... Saiyan. He'is a Saiyan. It's anime. It is not-- I guess that's what this button does... Sonic! You did it! This is probably where Zizek went. But what did I really do? Just advanced the story, advanced the steady march of time, bringing us one step closer to death. Stop it, Sonic. You're getting me down. I spend my life collecting gold rings, but as soon as someone touches me I lose all of them. I will forever be alone. Let's move on, guys. #downerWell, we've got a door. Let's see what's behind it.  ♪ BGM: Spirits Among Us ♫ Okay, so what is it? It's a Stargate. Wait, you learned about stargates in history class? That doesn't even begin to make sense. Yeah, every time we had a substitute teacher, they'd just put on a DVD of Stargate for us to watch. I guess they figured that at least it had *something* to do with history. That's horrifying. The movie is all about ancient Egypt! The fact that you think that Stargate has anything to do with Ancient Egypt is exactly the problem. Hey! Both of you are missing the point, which is that one of these stargates is right here in this room with us. From the sounds of it, this is yet another piece of fiction that Zizek has brought into the real world. Sonic, Goku, and Stargate. Zizek and I are going to need to have a talk about the sorts of media he has chosen to consume. This still doesn't tell us where he is. If he's not back here, where did he go? C'mon Kami, it is #obvious. He went through the Stargate. That does sound like the sort of thing Zizek would do. He would want to test the limits of Applied Ontology... so he would naturally want to find out whether creating a stargate would also bring into existence its destination. So what you're saying is that we're going in after him? No! We have a game to get to! At some point, Zizek is responsible for himself. Bringing a magical device from a Roland Emmerich movie into the world, then using it to launch him into space is that point. gently caress that. Wouldn't Zizek tell us that, while he might be capable of making his own choices, he is blameless for the desire which drove him to those choices? Are we just going to punish him for having feelings of depression and uncertainty that cause him to create a portal to some other world? Is that the kind of friends we are? ...We're going into the stargate, aren't we? Well, here we are. Next time, we're going into the stargate.
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Jun 19, 2019 20:00
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ModeWondershot posted:The third was in 2018 when I learned that speedrunnner PJ DiCesare occasionally determined which games to play on his stream by using Super Baseball Simulator 1.000 on the SNES and naming teams after the games he wanted to play, then streaming all-AI double elimination tournaments between them, where the winner would be played next on his stream. In a very strange coincidence, I like those streams a lot myself, and I even did a stream of a tournament myself as an offseason activity for the Super-League. Note that the sound quality is probably kinda crap, as is the commentary quality. Turns out I'm not a great streamer, I suppose.
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Jun 19, 2019 21:04
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Dragonatrix posted:I dunno if you just missed it, McD, but you can get a cup of water at Twitter HQ (up to 5 even!) and use it to skip the PEZ quiz. I actually did miss that. There's a tell-tale sign I legit missed it - I wouldn't have skipped an opportunity for a gently caress That.
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Jun 19, 2019 21:36
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Night10194 posted:Do you think the league gives out an award for Best JRPG Villain? Does the Hall of Fame consider your abilities at menacing rag-tag parties of weirdo friends when they consider admittance? Is that a stat in baseball? There's VAR - Villages Above Replacement. It attempts to compare the player's ability at destroying hometown villages of would-be heroes with other players. I think Bill James came up with it in 1987, and it was an underrated component of the formula of the Moneyball era Oakland A's.
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Jun 20, 2019 13:24
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Update XIII - Shut Up, You're A Blue Chicken. So, last time, we found out that Zizek created and apparently entered a loving stargate. Now, we're following him. ♪ BGM: The Gritty Reboot ♫ Alright, so we have gotten significantly more realistic. Let's see if we can find Zizek around here. Mysterious. Yeah, not getting too close seems like a good idea. ...let's get too close to it! We get a choice of who to fight the zombie with. Let's pick Kami here. ♪ BGM: Kaminari ♫ Let's give this zombie some Win Hexpectancy. We can either let him swing or bunt. And I think we've established that you don't bunt. No  allowed.We then do some Win Hexpectancy again. Again, let him swing or bunt. Again, the bunt is wrong. And that wins us the battle. For those of you that want to do some math, here are the Replacement Prayer calculations: x + 9 = 18 + -2x, solve for X. The solution is __3_. 4x + 6 = -10, solve for X. The solution is _-4_. ♪ BGM: The Gritty Reboot ♫ We go and fight this one too, this time with @twitter. It's exactly the same as the previous time we had that shmup segment. ♪ BGM: Closer's Title ♫ ♪ BGM: The Gritty Reboot ♫ Alright, we have our goal. And I don't think we have anything here, so let's head out. What? gently caress this. Well, we need to make a decision regardless, so let's head to the abandoned asylum. Huh? OH poo poo. gently caress. Having your own created game characters poo poo on your game is some next level meta poo poo. Anyway, we make it past the QTE without incident the second time around and arrive at The Abandoned Asylum. Not a lot to be seen on the lower floor except this thing. Alright, let's use the altar. ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ That can't exist. That cannot loving exist. ... ...it exists. I can go to PEZ.com and buy a set of William Taft, Calvin Coolidge, Woodrow Wilson, Herbert Hoover and Warren G Harding for $10.88. It's on sale! What the gently caress. Wow. I wonder how many people will get that. ♪ BGM: Transcend ♫ Yes, you aren't hallucinating. Bobson is now having a pitching battle against a loving Limited Edition PEZ Presidents Calvin Coolidge PEZ dispenser. I feel like there must come a point where we've reached the peak of bizarre sentences that simply factually describe what is happening in this game, but I don't think we've even remotely reached it. Well, let's play this out. Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 1! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! Hrm. Let's try and take him by surprise with an early curve. Bobson throws a curveball! Oh no, it's a hanging curveball! The ball just slipped out of Bobson's hand as he delivered it to the plate. poo poo! This is the sort of pitch a batter can really hammer if you're unlucky... Of course, if you're lucky, it's an easy strike. What? You're asking me stuff in the middle of a battle? gently caress that! Yes, even now! Ball 2! WHAT. The umpire calls for a balk, due to your foul language. What, are you going to argue? Do *you* understand the balk rule? ...motherfucker. TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:The balk is one of the most strange things in baseball. It comes up fairly rarely (the season high for balks for one player is 16), and when it does, it often invites a lot of arguing due to the rather nebulous way the rule is set up. Anyway, back to the fight. We're in a real hole now, down 2-0, so let's try some more heat. Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 3! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! poo poo. Let's try it again. Bobson throws a fastball! Strike 1! The batter swung right through the heat! OK, good, let's do it again? Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 4! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! Bobson issued the walk. gently caress. Alright, let's try again. Fuckin' PEZ dispensers and their good eyes. Let's start with a curveball, gently caress it. Bobson throws a curveball! Oh no, it's a hanging curveball! The ball just slipped out of Bobson's hand as he delivered it to the plate. poo poo! This is the sort of pitch a batter can really hammer if you're unlucky... Of course, if you're lucky, it's an easy strike. OK, after the last one, I guess I don't feel lucky? Then let's pretend that pitch never happened. ...huh. The game just gave me a straight up mulligan. Nice. So let's repay that by throwing another curveball. Bobson throws a curveball! Ball 1! The curveball is just a little outside, and the batter holds back his swing. Come on, man. Let's try it again. We have to be able to throw it for a strike, or get a swing and miss, right? Bobson throws a curveball! Oh no, it's a hanging curveball! The ball just slipped out of Bobson's hand as he delivered it to the plate. This is the sort of pitch a batter can really hammer if you're unlucky... Of course, if you're lucky, it's an easy strike. Fuckin' hell. Alright, I guess I do feel lucky! Holy poo poo. I get to play Rock, Paper, Scissors to determine the outcome of this pitch. Uhh... scissors! The batter also picks scissors! The batter fouls off the pitch as it runs in on his hands! Strike 1! So, that's the middle outcome. If you win, it's a regular strike, and if you lose, it's a home run. OK, let's try and make something out of this 1-1 count. Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 2! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! The hitter is now looking for a fastball! Man, this ump is here to gently caress us. Thankfully, we finally have the hitter looking for something, so we can beat him there. Bobson throws a changeup! Strike 2! The batter got out in front of that pitch and just missed the change-up. Now, let's finish him off with the curve. Bobson throws a curveball! Strike 3! With two strikes, the curveball is in the dirt and the batter chases it out of the zone! Bobson struck him out! ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ ♪ BGM: The Gritty Reboot ♫ Alright, so we have our goal. Seems like we have to find three more of these altars to get all the coordinates. The second one is on the second floor. Let's give it a shot. ♪ BGM: Their Own League ♫ ♪ BGM: The Gritty Reboot ♫ So, that'll do it for The Abandoned Asylum. Next, we'll make our way to The Other Abandoned Asylum. So one QTE later, we're here. Anyway, I see an altar. Let's go! ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ And indeed, he can't. ♪ BGM: The Gritty Reboot ♫ Three out of four down, only one left. The last one is in the basement of The Other Abandoned Asylum. Alright, let's use this one too. And so we get to play another Twitter shmup until we eventually fail and are buried under #gently caress. Well, let's do it. Let's head back then. You assemble the coordinates and place them in the stargate. Of course, we have our own opinion. Bobson learned a knuckle-curve! So, to interject for a moment, this game actually has relationship points. In particular, every time I said "gently caress that" to one of those trivia questions, we gained one point with Moose, which, in addition to killing Dugan, was important in getting us to 5 points. With 5 or more points, Moose will teach us the knuckle-curve here, making this the second missable pitch - well, three if you count the spitball, but we won't, because we're not cheaters. And with that, we step into the stargate. And that's it. Moose has stayed behind in the gritty reboot world, and our group of Bobson, Zizek, Kami and @twitter are now ready to return to the stadium. But that'll be next time. TheMcD fucked around with this message at 21:07 on Jun 27, 2019 |
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Jun 21, 2019 21:41
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Leraika posted:So is it possible to friendship point twitter into staying behind? Can we truly have a world without #hashtags? No, Moose will always be the one to stay behind. The only thing the points change to this point - at least as far as I know - is whether you learn the knuckle-curve here or not.
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Jun 22, 2019 13:56
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1234567890num posted:I didn't even know that relstionship points exist when I played this, so I missed the Knuckle Curve. Yeah. After we exit the stargate, the spitball guy disappears. Not that we need it, because we're not a cheater.
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Jun 23, 2019 11:51
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Update XIV - You Both Did An Excellent Job, Now Shut The gently caress Up. So, last time, Moose decided to stay behind in Gritty Reboot World so that the rest of our group can return to the normal world. Now, it seems like we're getting close to game time. Oh no, it's 7:00 PM! The game is about to start! We have to hurry!Very close, in fact! Aw man, Moose was right. You can totally get onto me just like he used to. Don't say #negative things like "used to", unless you want to be featured on the #RuinMyDayIn2Words #hashtag. We can worry about finding a way to get him back once we get Bobson to the stadium. Let's go! Hold on, looks like I have... Thirty-five messages on my phone. That's not surprising. You were supposed to be at the stadium hours ago. I do apologize for the inconvenience, but let us not forget that without my applied ontology, Bobson would not be the closer and thus even more late. Let's #GivePraiseWherePraiseIsDue, I was the one who did the #DirtyWork, you merely gave me the tools. You both did an excellent job, now shut the gently caress up because we need to make sure that we don't get to the park any later. It's... It's actually not a big deal. The game has been postponed until tomorrow afternoon. Wow! Really? What luck! ♪ BGM: Terminate ♫ Carlos Rodriguez! What is this lout doing here? He has already tormented me enough. The Machine... No, no I'm not. I'm just his body double.♪ BGM: Silence ♫ Oh thank god. Wait, Carlos Rodriguez has a BODY DOUBLE? He is a very important man. A baseball player is important enough to have a body double, like some tinpot dictator? Though perhaps that is merely the state of New Capitalism, we should be glad that such corporeal luxury is manifest in ball players... rather than in in the CEOs and politicians who might be justly targeted by a populist revolution. No, seriously, why does Carlos Rodriguez need a body double? Why would I ever ask that question? This is my livelihood. If I go to Carlos and ask him why he needs a body double when no one is interested in killing baseball players, he may realize that I'm not needed. And, let's face it, this is a pretty sweet gig. So, why did The Machine send his body double here? Is this just another way to taunt me? He wishes to extend an invitation. With the game postponed, he is hosting a World Series party in his midwestern mansion. Oh, come on, there are no mansions in the midwest. I do not believe that the #demographics support your assertion, Bobson. That's not nearly the strangest thing going on here. Yeah, why is The Machine inviting me to a party? I don't know. I'm just the body-double and occasional messenger. And how the gently caress are we supposed to get to a party in the midwest? ...wherever that is. Now that I can answer: Carlos Rodriguez has granted you permission to use his airship. Now you're saying that Carlos Rodriguez has a body double AND AN AIRSHIP? Being the best player in baseball has its perks, I guess. I should have learned to be a position player. Here is your invitation. The Machine looks forward to your presence at his mansion.You received [Invitation to Carlos Rodriguez's Party]! Now for me to depart! I have many more invitations to deliver, and a charity appearance at a children's hospital.And off he goes! The Machine *would* send his body double to a children's hospital instead of going himself. What a jerk! #DescribeTheMachineIn3WordsWell, so now we get to use an airship. But before that, let's check around and see what's poppin' at the bar.  Want to defend your trivia night crown? What's the prize? Another book? Tonight it's a first edition strategy guide for Final Fantasy VI. Wasn't it a first edition of Gravity's Rainbow yesterday? That's what Moose said and this seems like a step down. It has tips and tricks that were edited out in later versions, like how to resurrect-- It's a video game strategy guide. And it's probably in Japanese, right? Listen, fine, it's a bad prize. We were expecting a baseball game on TV tonight so I had to improvise. Do not be so dismissive, Kami. You are only here because I preached to Moose and Bobson about the philosophical value of Japanese Eroge. Perhaps these so-called "tips and tricks" have great value that we cannot know until they are in front of us. Okay, so what do I have to do to enter? $20, just like last time. I still don't have $20...Well, looks like the trick we pulled last time won't work this time, so instead we actually have to find 20 bucks. Truly, we are on a quest of epic proportions here.  On our way out, we find another person with soda problems. Let's give this guy our Sprite. A Sprite! Now this I can drink without worrying about staying up all night. Here, have my Coca-Cola.I'm sure this will actually have some sort of payoff.  Now, after leaving town, we actually find ourselves on a loving airship.   Our comrades have appropriate comments on the subject matter.  You, uh, know how to fly this thing? I'm a character from a Japanese video game, of course I know how to fly an airship. Good enough for me. So, shall we takeoff?Alright, let's go!  ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ So, we are now on the world map for the first time. The map is an *incredibly* crude approximation of the United States, with Canada and Mexico apparently having sunk into the ocean due to global warming, but Florida somehow having survived. Works for me. Anyway, if we go to the stadium, we return to the locker room, where talking to the coach asks us if we're ready for Game Seven, which we are not even remotely, so let's skip that. Going to the building next to the stadium lets us return to the book shop and bar area or to Zizek's apartment. There are three more locations on the map, so let's take a look at them.  This is inadvisable in the same way that it is inadvisable to walk through a graveyard screaming obscenities about the dead. Yes, most likely nothing bad will happen... But do you really want to risk it? Okay, you're right. Florida was a bad idea. Next, we have a forest on the west coast.  ♪ BGM: Moose ♫ Inside, we find a sign that tells us that this is Dinosaur Forest, and that's it. Mysterious.  ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ Finally, we have The Machine's mansion, situated close to what I believe is supposed to be the Mississippi River. However, that is not where we are going.  Our destination right now is Zizek's apartment.  ♪ BGM: City Theme ♫ Here, we're going to... wait. That wasn't there before.  Whoa, hang on a second.  ♪ BGM: Like I Would Become A Monster ♫ I'm saying that you didn't think about what results your actions would have, and as a result, you're now bullshitting up something to fix your fuckups. Oh, horseshit. I'm not going to have some random rear end event tell me I'm LPing wrong. Especially not if the event is my own creation. Uh, are you hearing those voices too? I know a lot about #ghosting, but this I did not expect. #IHearVoicesInMyHead So, uh, Zizek? Any ideas? It appears that I am not the only practicioner of Applied Ontology in this room... even if we cannot see the other one. Wait, what does that mean? Do not continue any thoughts you might be having! As much as it pains me to suggest to not think, I believe the fabric of reality is far thinner than it should be. Imagine yourself holding a hotdog. Consider how terrible it is that Capitalism has turned such a simple meal into a luxury item at baseball games and so on and so on. Block everything else out. Look, if you give me any more poo poo, I'll head back into that editor and delete your rear end. I'll give you all the poo poo I want. I know drat well I'm here for a reason, and if you wanted to delete me, you never would've written me in the first place. You hosed up, and now you're trying to crowbar in a fix in the most hamfisted way possible while writing it all off as a "bit". Now, do you want me to fix your fuckup or not? ...yes. Why didn't you just say so in the first place? Wait, don't answer that, I already know. It's because you couldn't do this dumb bit if you did it like that. But fine, I'll fix your mess.Control Switches: [0041: DuganLives] = ON Control Variables: [0004: Moose] -=1 Control Variables: [0014: RealKami] +=1 Control Variables: [0006: Zizek] +=1  ...fine.♪ BGM: City Theme ♫ ...what? Never mention this event to anybody. Forget entirely that it happened. WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU? Alright, alright! Christ...So, why did we just alter history? Well, turns out that doing so will allow us more #content. In essence, there's some stuff that you just skip over if you kill Dugan. Where is that #content?  Here! Wait, you really want to start it back up? Isn't that just going to be traumatizing to you? I feel like I'm ready. And I want to know what my old teammates are up to. Zizek, is this safe? The desire to return from whence one came is undeniable; but it is also a perverted joke. Nevertheless, one cannot deny that we must allow ourselves the punch line that our drive brings us towards and our sense pushes us away from, and so on. That didn't answer my question. ... Well, the good news is that Zizek is back to normal. C'mon, Bobson, let's take a look. ♪ BGM: Their Own League ♫ And thus, we're back in the game. I mean, the other game.  Wait, but we didn't delete him... Why would he have disappeared?Ai had taken over as player/manager of the Rockford Peaches. Dugan's presence wasn't missed nearly as much as Kaminari, who had also vanished around the same time. Awww, they miss me! Though that shouldn't be a surprise, I imagine that the lineup without my bat is a loving nightmare.  Can't we...um...just have a little time to relax? You know who isn't relaxing? The South Bend Blue Sox! And they didn't lose their best hitter to a bunch of weirdos who dropped in from the sky. Hey, wait a minute! Who is a weirdo here? I have bad news for you, Bobson. YOU ARE A loving ABERRATION OF HUMAN NATURE AND SHOULD BE GROUND INTO A FINE PASTE BY TERRIBLE MACHINERY. #STICKBOBSONINMEATGRINDER Oh, oh my, it seems that I was once again unable to control the #trolls. I assure you that I do not really want to stick you in a meat grinder. #Honesty Well, I guess I... I guess I'll keep working on my changeup then. This choice doesn't do anything, really. You should try a new pitch, like a curveball. Oh! That seems like...um...a big deal. Thanks for believing that I can get even better!Your affinity with Mitsuki went up by one point! Wait, so now Ai is the main character of the game and we're making her choices for her? I'm new at this whole "being critical" thing, but is this really much better? I mean, now aren't we just overriding her character's intentions with our own? She is a fictional character, and thus cannot possess intention. She can only act with the intention of the writers who created her. Uh, ahem, sitting right here. You are different. You were created with magic and applied ontology and so on and so on. You barely even tried to walk back your statement there, Zizek. Perhaps effort is, by itself, lazy. Trying your hardest is the easiest way to avoid criticism, so perhaps we should not praise effort so loftily. Let's get back to the game before I start getting confused again.  ♪ BGM: Changeup Artist ♫ Did you misplace the bats again? I told you that we have a budget and we can't just keep buying new bats. No, much worse! I can't find Risa. She's gone missing. Oh no, we didn't accidentally bring the one who looks disturbingly underage into our world, too... Did we? No, I think I would have remembered that. Just because she disappeared like me doesn't mean that she has been brought into our world like me. This could just be the new story. When was the last time you saw her? Yesterday at practice. She never showed up this morning at the park. Well, she's probably here somewhere... I don't know if you've noticed, but there isn't exactly anywhere else to go. Let's check the field. What did I tell you? Totally missing! How is that possible? Is there someone meddling in our world again? Let's not panic. I'll go check the bedrooms. Maybe she overslept. Okay, now this is concerning... They appear to have grasped that our actions have changed their world. Previously, I had believed that only Kami and Dugan had such an understanding. No, I'm worried about Risa. We should go into the #game to find her! #TwitterIdeas Wait, are you suggesting we use applied ontology to return to the game world? Didn't that almost go horribly wrong last time? Yes, but I didn't get to participate. #LetTwitterPlay I could return us to the game world, if you wish, Kami. This is the #content we'd be missing. If Dugan was deleted, Risa would just turn up again and nothing much else would happen. But since we now didn't delete Dugan, his disapperance is far more disconcerting, so the idea of entering the game again comes up. So, let's jump in! Thanks, Bobson. I really appreciate it. Yes! @twitter finally gets to see the inside of a video game! #TwitterDreams Okay, Zizek. Do your magic! Dasein! ♪ BGM: How Things Are ♫ And we're back!  She probably never even comes in here. I bet she prefers to stay on the field and in the locker room with the players. Looks like Risa headed to the bedrooms just like Haruka thought. Something about problems the rest of the team was having with... ...oh god, it's Dugan again. WHAT? But he said he was going to reform! We need to stop him! Let's go!Well, we already have our destination, but before that, let's have a little chat.  And what is that...um...strange blue thing walking around with you? I'm @twitter! I'm a #SocialMedia platform for connecting with your #friends and keeping up with your favorite #brands. I don't know what any of that means. WELL YOU ARE A BITCH WHO HAS NO TASTE AND SHOULD BE DELETED FROM THIS AWFUL GAME BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY TO IMPROVE IT. #DELETEMITSUKI Ahhh! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Oh dear oh dear oh dear... I didn't mean any of that. That was just the #trolls that happen to inhabit the #WorldWideWeb I'm-- I'm scared! Oh, snap out of it, Mitsu! He's a floating blue blob that kinda looks like a bird, only at some angles. He can't hurt you. You're totally stronger than him. That's right! I can strike him out! Sorry to barge in on you like this, Mitsu, but we want to help you find Risa. We're worried her disappearance might have something to do with our meddling in this world. Hm, I haven't seen her around... Check in coach's office, maybe.We've already done that. Now, on to the bedrooms.    ♪ BGM: Dugan ♫ Note that Dugan didn't use magic or anything. I think he actually just hid in the closet to jump out at us. Dugan! You again! I knew you wouldn't be able to resist coming back into the game if Risa went missing! What fools you all are, meddling in our affairs once again! You just couldn't resist it, could you? You had to try and set things "right" once more? Well, I'll make you regret that decision. I really doubt you'll make me regret anything, Dugan. You're still a drunk loser. But we can worry about that later. What did you do with Risa? Risa? I didn't do anything with Risa. I just waited for her to wander off near the edge of the field and planted that note to lure you into my trap. Wait, you didn't even #kidnap your victim? What a dumb plan. #CriticizeADumbPlanInFourWords Well, it worked, didn't it? You're here! And now I can-- But there were all sorts of ways it could have gone wrong. What if Ai found Risa before we decided to jump in the game? What if we found her before we found the note? What if-- ♪ BGM: Pink Hair ♫ What the hell? Uh, well, it should at least be pointed out that @twitter is not a person. Or nice. He has trolls. I WILL BREAK THIS DIGITAL WORLD DOWN INTO BYTES AND THEN I WILL EAT THEM LIKE THEY WERE BITES. #BYTES2BITES #BITETHEBYTES See? Well, he still doesn't deserve to be trapped here! drat it, Risa! Even you are taking their side? Of course I am! You're a monster! Then I'll destroy you, too! I'll crush you like a bug! A BUG! No, no I did not... Well, he's gone. That's good, isn't it? That depends on where he has gone to... What just happened looked suspiciously like applied ontology. That, I suppose, is a mystery to solve in our world... As for you, Risa, I can't believe you tried to save us! I'm really loving impressed! It might surprise you, Kami, but I've grown up a lot since you left! Jeez, we get it! You're 18! I know! I've stopped throwing that in people's faces now, actually. I realized that it was a gross element of how I was created... and since Kami showed us all how to overcome all that, I found a way to change! So did we just come here to be ambushed by Jimmy Dugan? Correction: unsuccessfully ambushed! We didn't come here for nothing, I got to see how well Risa has matured even though I'm not around. Aw thanks, Kami! I'm also trying to strip the sexual innuendo from my daily language! Oh thank god! I was worried you were going somewhere else when you said "strip." That's your fault, not mine. I guess we'll be headed back, then. Good luck, Risa. Good luck to you, too! I hear you've got a big game coming up! Ready, Kami? Let's do it! Dasein! ♪ BGM: Kaminari ♫ And that'll be it for this update. Next time, we'll check out The Machine's mansion, though not for the purpose of advancing the plot, but rather to do some sidequesting, as it were.
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Jun 23, 2019 18:56
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fluffyDeathbringer posted:what Just to clarify, gyroball wasn't involved here. Basically, I knew I wanted to revert my decision to kill Dugan due to finding out I screwed myself out of stuff by doing so, and given how meta the game sometimes gets, I just couldn't resist to whip out the RPG Maker and make something to dress it up a bit.
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Jun 23, 2019 19:14
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gyroball posted:Swooping back in from lurking to say that the meta RPGMaker hack was awesome and I started cracking up because, for just a second, even I wasn't sure I hadn't put in a hack to make that happen. That is probably the greatest praise my fuckery could get. To add on a bit, I was partially inspired to make it slightly look like it was actually something that could be real by giver336's fuckery in the Mega Man Battle Network 3 LP, where he and his ROM hacking pal in the shadows conned the entire thread into believing a must-lose fight was actually winnable. As for why exactly Zizek was focused on hotdogs? That's simple. https://twitter.com/nickusen/status/1118253255195275265
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Jun 24, 2019 11:06
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