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quote:"We tortured some folks" said the president. "They were really bad people — not terrorists, just bad people who deserved to be in jail for doing bad things — and they were released because of one mistake in one office."
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May 31, 2019 23:13
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Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams and found himself transformed in his bed into a giant ichthyosaur. But this was not what the giant had been looking for. When he was still an infant in his parents' bedroom he had witnessed the horrifying battle between his parents and a giant, massive shark. As a result of this event, and the fact that his childhood imagination was always wild by nature, he knew everything about sharks. He was one of few children to have truly been touched by the wonders of the sharks and they had always fascinated him. He was a young human of a certain age when he realized sharks were the real threats to his future. When the giant shark attacks his house, his parents are killed, but he escapes from sea to sea and tries to protect the house and kids from the shark. To his surprise though the creature was even stronger than before! The big shark is still alive and can move faster than human beings and can even tear a human alive if it decides to. The first and only time the giant shark attacked was when the kids' first shark fight. It came, and scared Samsa's mother to death. For a while Samsa's mother refused to leave and was the reason for the great destruction of the town. He has since moved to a safer place and eventually met his father, who was the captain of a ship.
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May 31, 2019 23:23
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Donald Trump was furiously masturbating on live television on Monday night. His fans thought it was all fine. But it was not. In fact, Trump was masturbating on a television, and the people watching didn't think he had his pants down to his ankles. In a tweet, tweeted out by his chief strategist, Steve Bannon, and copied to the world, Trump wrote: "We watched TV yesterday where I was talking about the upcoming election, and all of the sudden, my pants come off!" he said. The truth is that during the broadcast, Trump was not wearing pants – his jeans were just down his legs, and he had not performed any kind of sexual act at all. Trump's penis was perfectly normal. He did not want to show the world that he was in trouble or had done something awful wrong, even though he had, on the night he had masturbated to the tune of $1 billion per month. The Republican president did show us the real him, the one who had been, you say, naked and masturbating with pleasure on camera. But he did not show we all watched it for ourselves, and we did not learn anything about real political life from it either.
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May 31, 2019 23:30
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Eat This Glob posted:you're not wrong, ai. you're not wrong. later emphasis mine. Even this dumb AI is smarter than MAGA chuds
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May 31, 2019 23:31
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Ulysses 2: Pussyhugger Stately, plump Buck Mulligan is a pretty popular character in his own right, with his character name and iconic look being synonymous with high-end luxury goods like Mercedes-Benz, Hermes, and Lamborghini. But the man was also once an ambitious and successful lawyer. He started out at the law firm of B.R. Wieser, where he rose to the rank of partner, then represented corporations and businesses during the Clinton administration. In his free time, Buck also worked in Hollywood. His next great career move? A gig as a television host, one that involved making political appearances. Buck was the first gay talk-show host of any substance for which you could get a ratings bump. But then Buck got married. And Buck made sure that his new husband had the best possible wedding attire, including his "bimbo"-tongue, "pussyhugger" outfit and two suits. He was so proud of his outfit that he didn't even bother to clean it. (He did, however, have to spend $10,000 of the original $70,000 on a new watch.) Buck was also a great dad to his soon-to-be-adult son (the son of former New Jersey Governor John McGraw) and other children, who were thrilled that he became "a father figure to all their friends and family."
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May 31, 2019 23:36
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"So, here I am grilling burgers, when this rear end in a top hat come up to me out of no where." Yells Timmy. Timmy: "You're not an rear end in a top hat!" Timmy: "Well of COURSE I'm an rear end in a top hat!" "Well of COURSE I'm an rear end in a top hat, I'm just joking," says Timmy. It works. After Timmy saves Wendy's restaurant Timmy: "This place sucks!" Darn it, Timmy! That was a joke. He was just really serious all this time. It doesn't work on an episode of Tim & Eric's Bedtime Stories, because we know the show will always keep on kicking Timmy rear end! I mean, why can't he just try harder… and if it still sucks, it will just be a good thing? No need to say that again. Why not just go and quit that business that makes you so miserable? You should stop being so petty! I would just like him to stop being so unreasonable and start living the life that he actually enjoys. Wendy's is not Wendy's, Timmy. Why don't we have some fun? Go down to the local bar… come back and try to convince them to open the restaurant? Do you care as much about that restaurant as you do about your own Undocumented Gamer has issued a correction as of 23:46 on May 31, 2019 |
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May 31, 2019 23:38
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Fresh Prince: The Reboot The reboot seems to be very modern. Second bold is my emphasis. quote:In west Philadelphia born and raised. On the playground was where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared. She said quote:In west Philadelphia born and raised. On the playground was where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin' some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared she said The Sean has issued a correction as of 00:23 on Jun 1, 2019 |
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Jun 1, 2019 00:17
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The Sean posted:Fresh Prince: The Reboot  that first one got real dark
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Jun 1, 2019 00:23
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Captain Billy Pissboy posted:
The second ending wasn't dark, but depressing. He was a good kid in HS and he just got caught up in the wrong crowd 
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Jun 1, 2019 00:26
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quote:The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of a man who has learned how to eat. quote:The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of *********, or, to speak the language of the times, ***************. Its existence is therefore like the history of an unknown quantity; but we cannot speak of the existence of a whole nation without describing the development of the country itself, which will of course depend on its conditions of existence and of its mode of existence itself. As a whole it is a world of ********, by whose progress, even from the beginning, ******** became a living force in society. quote:Brett Payne and Bryan Quinby host a popular podcast called 'The Podcast That Keeps You Tuned in to Everything'. quote:Brett Payne and Bryan Quinby host a popular podcast called, "It's Only Rock'n'Roll for a Good Old Whack." It's a discussion about some of the worst moments in the band's history. If you don't like what you hear, just drop the mic and go watch the episode. We have this episode and we really hope you like it! Captain Billy Pissboy has issued a correction as of 00:35 on Jun 1, 2019 |
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Jun 1, 2019 00:31
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Bumpus Dinglehopper, a trucker from Mifflin, Pennsylvania, continues to stand behind President Trump, even as he feels the firsthand impact of tariffs. "We're feeling the heat from China and Mexico. I'm telling you what will happen to me is really bad, worse than I'm expecting," he said earlier this week. Bumpus told The Daily Beast that he plans to relocate to Florida and to start a car repair service. It wasn't just President Trump. A former U.S. Marine says he felt the brunt of tariffs on imports from Mexico, which Trump claimed helped lower exports. Justin G. Dierick, a 35-year-old self-described "Trump whisperer" from Buffalo, New York, has been following US sanctions on Mexican imports since November 2016. Dierick, who served seven years in the Army in the 1980s when the embargo was in force, said his first impression of the president was the "big, nasty" eyes he got from Mexican workers when he walked past a Mexico City plant. In November, Obama imposed tariffs on imported auto parts, including tires, which led to a decline in auto parts sales. Trump, who promised to revive U - exports, has been pushing tougher measures on Mexico, specifically curtailing the Central American wall on the southwest border
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Jun 1, 2019 00:35
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quote:Jacob Wohl was catfished for the second time this week. When he went to meet his date of the week, one of his friends showed up and claimed to be The One. Wohl's first reaction was to cry, while two friends in the club who knew him from Tinder showed up and immediately went to her apartment to ask for her phone number, but she refused to let them in and never showed up, leaving the club to try to pick up the date. Wohl was surprised that the person on Tinder actually wanted to meet again, so they gave up and called him up, this time not knowing about his catfishing. A friend who was at a bar with Wohl tried to get him drunk when he didn't recognize her as one of the people she called. The second time it happened, he was in the back of a taxi headed on to his date's apartment, and one of the drivers was wearing a hoodie with the word "tinder" embroidered on it, which Wohl recognized as his own name. Wohl was then told that a man named James was following him through the city, so Wohl was now under the impression that he was dating a random guy out on the town, and the guy's name was "Keegan". After calling up James and trying to pick up the date, Wohl started yelling at James, "What the
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Jun 1, 2019 00:38
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Donald Trump had two ribs removed so he could suck his own cock. (Photo: Getty Images ) A Republican congressman is using his Twitter account to call out a president who's recently been caught bragging about his penis size and claiming Trump's penis was bigger than his. Rep. Tom Reed, R-N.Y., launched a Twitter account Tuesday to complain about the size of President Trump's penis, which was revealed by the White House on Friday. The New York Times reported that Trump told his wife Melania that he had a 3.5-in., "very successful," penis. The report came at the end of an evening of awkward jockeying as White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters that the president was telling the truth — that it had a size two. Reed told the New York Post the comments were "very upsetting to me. And it really hurts to him... The president made clear that there is a physical size difference between himself and his staff members, that he had one that size." But Reed, a physician from rural Ohio's First Congressional District, argues Trump's description isn't accurate. "The size of the penis, or size of a guy," Reed said. "That size is between a guy's arm and his waist. He has not developed his penis so it has not grown."
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Jun 1, 2019 00:38
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Asking it to describe a podcast leads to some good resultsquote:Brett Payne and Bryan Quinby host a popular podcast called "The Unspoken". In this episode, they discuss the possibility of a new era for the company, including why they should hire and what we can expect out of them this year. A special guest is The Great Recession. You can find the podcast by visiting their website at TheWonderingCast.com Free View in iTunes quote:Brett Payne and Bryan Quinby host a popular podcast called "The Daily Show Podcast" in which they talk about all things pop culture. It was launched in 2010 by David Letterman and hosted by Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers, Adam McKay and Stephen Colbert. quote:This episode of the Chapo Trap House podcast is about the upcoming book by Mike Adams, The Book of The Dog, and it's one of a kind and very interesting. A book set in a contemporary post-apocalyptic, it's about animals trying to survive.
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Jun 1, 2019 00:41
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The Disney company and CEO Bob Iger are being hypocritical when it comes to possibly boycotting Georgia over its controversial abortion law, this according to conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh. For what it's worth, when I visited a Disney park where I was visiting with my wife, we were only allowed to eat one piece of fruit each and the only time I felt like eating anything came on the beach. I got mad for eating that apple because it had a pink apple peel, and so the next day we ate all that fruit with a lemon too. That's when it struck me how out of touch that Disney's political opinions were. In addition, I got mad that the park did not serve lunch, when I had dinner there, I was able to get a large lunch to go. There is no reason for these people not to eat when they're actually going to be eating. And if you want an easy meal when you're here, go to Chipotle. And if you're eating Mexican all day, order a burrito instead of getting that sweet tortilla from McDonald's. But you know, I just can't get a Disney park to ban all of their restaurants. It just seems ridiculous and disgusting that they're actually going after such a wonderful country. What do you think? Sound off above and share your reactions about what's wrong with Disney's hypocrisy! Let
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Jun 1, 2019 00:43
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Chief McHeath posted:Donald Trump had two ribs removed so he could suck his own cock. (Photo: Getty Images ) omfg _______________ quote:Sean Hannity was waiting at the gloryhole, wondering who would show up tonight. Well, tonight it turned out to be Mike Huckabee. Well, at least he's not in the spotlight too much. The Sean has issued a correction as of 00:53 on Jun 1, 2019 |
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Jun 1, 2019 00:44
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Jun 1, 2019 00:47
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This thing is great with Star Trek scripts. [Turbolift] (Picard, Data and Riker are about to enter) DATA: Incidentally, Captain, the effects of the time distortions are now being felt in the Ilecom system. (They enter) PICARD: Bridge. In the past decade, Manheim has turned some vague theories into a practical application. RIKER: Yes, but without his help, I'm not sure we'll be able to pose any intelligent questions, let alone come up with any solutions. (The turbolift door opens, and Picard, Data and Riker are about to enter) RIKER: I am ready for duty. DATA: He didn't come through the barrier without asking. RIKER: Yes, Captain? (He turns back, and they see that he has taken off his helmet. Picard turns around, and takes off his helmet. Data takes off his helmet, and puts on a different one) PICARD: Whoa! What was that? Data: I'm sorry. (Data turns to Picard, and he throws himself in Data's hands and kisses him) PICARD: You're a great kisser. RIKER: Data?! No... (Data throws his hands in the air)
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Jun 1, 2019 01:00
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Donald Trump had two ribs removed so he could suck his own cock. And after he got his revenge, he got his dick taken down, too. And the reason he got his cock taken down is because he's too fat for porn. Donald Trump had two ribs removed so he could suck his own cock. You know, so I could suck a cock. So I can't suck a cock. And I just said I will suck my own cock. So who told me I can't suck a cock? I don't know; he said, "I can. And I'm going to have a lot of fun." Donald Trump had two ribs removed so he could suck his own cock. But he didn't. Donald Trump was born to a failed real estate magnate. His parents were drug addicts. His dad abandoned his girlfriend when she was 21 years old. His mom was a whore, and his father was a racist. Donald was raised by his mom. Donald was raised by his grandma. Donald was raised by loving his grandmother in the rear end, and later hosed his grandpas rear end. Donald grew up in a house without electricity or water, and his mom was a whore. Donald was raised by his grandmother. Donald Trump's mom was a whore, which is why her grandson will loving do all that loving poo poo to her. Donald Trump told his mom he wanted to gently caress her in the rear end. Donald Trump told her he wants to gently caress her in the rear end. Donald Trump told his mom he wanted to gently caress her in the rear end. Donald Trump told his mom he wanted to gently caress her in his aunt's bathroom. Donald Trump told her he liked to gently caress her on the toilet seat that day. Donald Trump told her he likes to gently caress her on the toilet seat that day. Donald Trump told her that he liked to gently caress her while they were inside the bathroom. Donald Trump told his mom that you've been in the bathroom too long
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Jun 1, 2019 01:39
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The president of the United States, Donald J. Trump, loves drinking piss. This is the reason his inauguration speech was like an open party in a shanty-town pub. You could almost smell it. For Trump, piss is the ultimate victory drink, and he can't lose. In his book 'The Art of the Deal,' he points to the example of former Senator Lyndon Johnson, who could go two days without drinking at any given moment during his campaign campaign. Now the world knows Johnson was not a drinking man! The President doesn't drink at all. Even if he wanted to, Trump would not want to do so. Trump, however, still managed to find the magic potion and create the most popular new cabinet since Lyndon Johnson. The fact that Trump and Trump and Trump had a piss-drinking session during the inaugural balls proves it wasn't just about the piss. The President wants a party. You better get ready to be entertained because everyone has a piss-drinking session, every weekend night from now until November 9. There are plenty of things that need to go through the President's mind if he wants another party, one evening at least. The fact that the president is taking his piss at the White House after his swearing in probably has something to do with that.
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Jun 1, 2019 01:43
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gonna go ahead and call that a 'fail'quote:The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over, but it can't. Not without your help. But you're not helping. Why is that?
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Jun 1, 2019 01:47
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Holy poo poo 
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Jun 1, 2019 01:52
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Clipperton posted:gonna go ahead and call that a 'fail'   Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud posted:Holy poo poo https://twitter.com/vicenews/status...genumber%3D2535
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Jun 1, 2019 02:10
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Vladimir Lenin's favorite game is poker. In the early years of the republic Russian cards were often played on the Russian side of the Iron Curtain, but soon enough, in the midst of Russian Communism, they spread to all corners of the country. The Russian game of blackjack, as it is known, was invented by one of Lenin's students, Dmitri L. Gubarev, as well as by Trotsky. But the game of poker had something else that made it popular: it was a game that demanded you to make a bet. Lenin said blackjack "became the national game." According to Gubarev, the player first needed to make a bet—"which, to a man, is simple." He would then choose which player to bet: "I'd like to bet with you, for I am the strongest player." The players would then trade bets over a long series of moves. For example, one player may bet with Trotsky (Tito: "A little black," as you may have heard), who would then bet with the Communists to ensure they stayed in power so that another Bolshevik might become president. The communist side might bet with Trotsky against himself (Tito: "Why would you not trust me?"), the capitalist side against its own leader, and the bourgeois side against his enemies, who might be hostile to the capitalist players Vladimir Lenin's favorite game is "The King's Crown," where players must keep their opponents guessing. The book's author recommends starting a game off fairly simple, like, "I wish everyone who's not a prince was a pimp." You can imagine how that turned out. Captain Billy Pissboy has issued a correction as of 03:01 on Jun 1, 2019 |
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Jun 1, 2019 02:58
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quote:
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Jun 1, 2019 03:23
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even computer programs love to dunk on Wil Wheatonquote:[Crusher's quarters]
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Jun 1, 2019 03:58
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The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggle. And so to say that the history of society can be separated from its class struggle, is to reduce all historical processes into only that which is the result of class struggle. This is a profound error. It is a terrible error. There are always two facts: (i) that certain classes struggle within the process of class struggle and, through their struggle, change things in that process; and (ii) that this process does not, in itself, produce an economic system of society, but merely a distribution of wealth. In order to explain the relation of class struggle to the development of the general political order, we must first examine class relations; and here it is necessary to show that this class relations are not a direct result of class struggle, but rather of the development of particular relations of production within those classes. In order to comprehend the history of class struggle, it is necessary to distinguish two basic conditions of class relations. Class Our first two conditions presuppose a class relations of development. In these conditions the development of class means essentially the development of the different elements. As to these elements there is no difference between capitalists, wage-workers, peasants, and others, other than what appears at first sight. All will find themselves in certain relations of production, and the production forms will be identical. But
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Jun 1, 2019 04:17
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Erotica:  Slashfic:  Algebra:  Driving directions:  that one south park episode where the gnomes had a strange plan 
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Jun 1, 2019 04:18
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Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud posted:Holy poo poo 
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Jun 1, 2019 04:30
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Jun 1, 2019 04:35
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Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud posted:even computer programs love to dunk on Wil Wheaton It's all good. fermun posted:Erotica:
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Jun 1, 2019 04:37
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Vice President Mike Pence had sex with a horse. And Mike Pence and his attorney. The Post reports the sex with a horse was witnessed by staffers for Vice President Pence and his lawyer. They watched as Pence came in for a meeting and looked out at the crowd while he had sex with the horse, an aide recalled to them and other staffers. Mike Pence had sex with a horse. And Mike Pence and his attorney. Afterward, the aide said (it's been confirmed by others outside the White House that the horse was the vice president), Pence told the room he's been through too much — a bit of a roller-coaster of emotion for those close to him. It's "not uncommon that you can get into really high-strung situations, and people tend to get into that, but to be in that mode is not usually the answer. But Mike had his horse in here, so it's not unexpected either." The aide said that "when Mike first got into the meeting with the horse," Pence's attorney had just walked up to him and told the vice president: "I knew you." Pence's office had no comment Tuesday night. We're hearing that Pence has no plans to resign. But this is all still under investigation, so who knows. Mike Pence is the second member of the Trump administration — former
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Jun 1, 2019 04:59
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Vice President Mike Pence had sex with a horse. The horse is just over a year old and hasn't run any faster than 4 mph under the president's supervision. There is very little evidence the president even knew his first son was a sexual predator.
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Jun 1, 2019 05:06
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quote:George struggles to find a selfie filter that will effectively hide his baldness. Kramer decides he's "woke" and joins Black Lives Matter rallies. Elaine joins a community college pottery class. She gets frustrated when every man in the class refuses to reenact 1990's Ghost with her. Jerry has been flirting with a beautiful woman on tindr. When he picks her up for their first date he finds he's been catfished by Newman. quote:Location: Jerry's apartment. Interior. quote:The last time I ever saw my butt was in a picture taken one day before I died of an infection I contracted during my wedding ceremony," he told reporters. The Sean has issued a correction as of 05:40 on Jun 1, 2019 |
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Jun 1, 2019 05:07
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quote:Nicolas Maduro recently ate an entire apple pie. He says this is a sign that things are starting to improve. quote:Nicolas Maduro recently ate an entire kilogram of corn while he was visiting Texas, where people eat corn in larger quantities than in Venezuela. The United Nations has condemned the abuse of Venezuelan corn. quote:Nicolas Maduro recently ate an entire pig in one sitting, which is not something that most people can do, but is an exceptional and very rare experience for the Venezuelan Maduro, who is considered the most beautiful man in the world. Just like this pig! Nicolas Maduro eats an entire pig in one sitting. After eating, Nicolas Maduro said, "I ate the pig and then I ate pork chops with chicken and avocado!" That's crazy! He actually had a lot of chicken! It is pretty incredible! quote:Nicolas Maduro recently ate an entire cow at a restaurant in Caracas, Venezuela, reportedly to commemorate the nation's largest holiday in memory. However, this might sound outrageous as it took place while a nation with an estimated 100 billion people is fighting a hunger crisis. quote:Nicolas Maduro recently ate an entire pineapple in less than a minute, according to Venezuelan media reports that took to the web this week.
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Jun 1, 2019 05:08
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How to eat rear end: 1. Pounce as soon as it is possible to, as the butt will be in the air. 2. Don't go on a big, deep thrust if you need to. Instead ride fast enough to get enough momentum to keep up. If you get stuck, ride back to the first position with extra momentum. Repeat this a few times. 3. If your backside can't go fast enough, ride slowly back up to try again, but don't go as fast as you first go up the thrust. 4. The best way to break the hold is to use your whole body. Lift your arms up and then back down and repeat the same motion multiple times until your legs are completely at the bottom. Use lots of effort in this position. 5. Once you hit the bottom, slowly move down to your other side – this is where the butt must go in order to make room for a full hole or it won't fully take off. Once the hold is under your legs it will be much easier to push back – and even easier to push out, since once the butt gets in, you can't really reverse it. 6. If you can, do an inverted push-up to get a little extra traction. 9) Once the butt is in place, take a deep gimp stroke
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Jun 1, 2019 05:09
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lol
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Jun 1, 2019 05:09
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quote:Vice President Pence looked deeply into the horse's eyes. He reached in his coat and grasped a wet spot near the forehead, then turned his head and wiped off the liquid. The head of the saddle was still covered in a layer of dark brown leather. "You look good," Pence said. "Let's go and let's get you clean."
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Jun 1, 2019 05:57
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quote:Steps to seduce Mike Pence's horse: (1) You know it is a horse (2) If it is a horse then you need to kiss it on the lips before you start sucking it off. (3) If you kiss it on the lips then you will be riding your horse and then you want to have sexual intercourse with it.
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Jun 1, 2019 06:09
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quote:Steve Scalise had two balls and a penis shot off his body. quote:Ol' no balls Scalise, we called him. We gave him one last shot at it before it stopped," House Majority Whip Steve Scalise said in a statement. "This was a cowardly attack on a Congressional leader. He was standing there with an AR-15."
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Jun 1, 2019 06:11
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