Neil Breen's Vegas Vacation (watching through Breen's filmography)

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Chairman Capone: Dec 17, 2008

Fateful Findings is the one where the power of Breen compels a bunch of people to kill themselves on live TV at the end, right?

# ? Dec 22, 2021 17:12

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# ? May 3, 2024 10:26

Schwarzwald: Jul 27, 2004; Don't Blink

Chairman Capone posted:

Fateful Findings is the one where the power of Breen compels a bunch of people to kill themselves on live TV at the end, right?

I'm pretty sure that happens in more than one of his movies.

# ? Dec 22, 2021 18:30

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

Thanks guys. It's time for some Fateful Findings! So, as mentioned, I messed up the viewing order and watched Pass Thru first, though this is actually Neil's third movie. Unfortunately, this might be the one that I've seen the most clips of on Youtube, including some of the ending. Thankfully, that hasn't clarified anything about the plot to me, and I've been told this is one of his best. Let's Breen!

Fateful Findings (2012)

Fateful Findings opens on a clich�d timelapse shot of clouds rushing through the sky over an office building.

The camera walks us through a hall of storage lots. Piano and violins accompany you from a CD probably titled �Beautiful Royalty Free Piano And Violin Music VII.�

At the end of the hall the camera focuses on what I first think is a gold-painted box on an elaborate stand, but then realize is an impossibly thick book. Looking at the spine, it appears to be several books cleverly stitched together. After a moment, someone sprinkles gold glitter onto it from above.

Piano music pulls us from the book over to a shot of green-clad mountains, where we get a few actor credits. No names I recognize from earlier Breenflicks. For a man who re-uses props and locations so much, it feels striking that I've yet to see him re-use an actor. Maybe nobody returns his calls?

A pair of kids playfully push each other in the woods. Keeping my eyes peeled to see if maybe it's the kids portraying young Aaron Brand and his nameless, murdered fiancee from Double Down, but I don't think so. They keep pushing each other, presumably because that's all the direction they've been given.

The soundtrack gives way to softly, sinister howling wind and birds tweeting as the kids enter some dry gulch or rock quarry. A ram skull ominously observes them.

Ah, excellent. Even as I jokingly say that, the skull slowly pivots to follow them.

On some determined quest, the kids come to the foot of a tree, where they kneel. Boykid dramatically spreads his hands as he declares �Look, Leah: a mushroom.� He then awkwardly holds the pose for far too long as the mushroom fades into something else... a bracelet? The kids don't appear to notice the distinct colorful stones lying right next to the mushroom.

Accompanied by an eerie noise, a wisp of smoke shoots in from the right frame and quickly evaporates. I've learned to take these sort of things in stride with Breen.

Oh, it's an open bag of some sort, containing a... jewel box?

�Look what I found! A treasure!� boykid proudly declares. �It's a magical day!� girlkid tells him.

As they open the box, more gold glitter falls off. The boy takes out a rounded cubical gem.

�It must mean something. It's buried treasure!� the boy says Breenly. It wasn't actually buried, though. �We can't leave the box empty!� the girl worries. �It's bad luck!�

�I'm not afraid.� says the boy. The girl solves the conundrum by filling the box with some of the colorful gems lying next to the box, which neither of them have commented on.

�I'm gonna make a bracelet out of this.� the girl says as she picks up more of the colored stones.

Wow, guess those page lines are just a suggestion to you, huh kid? �It's a magical day� she writes in the journal she's suddenly holding. �It's a magical day!� she says again out loud, for the viewers who can't read.

The kids re-bury the not-buried treasure box with forest detritus. Their magical day concluded, they return to frolicking through the grass. On the spot where they covered the box, the mushroom fades back into place. Neil does seem to have a preoccupation with returning things to the way they were at the end of a scene.

Switch to a suburb. A couple rush their bags over to their car. �Hurry up, we're gonna be late! We're gonna miss the plane!� the wife declares. �Don't worry, the plane's not gonna leave without us.� the man tells her. Ah, it's the kids' parents.

�Where's Dylan? Where's Dylan?� the girl asks. It just occurred to me that both the kids have already been named this early in the movie, instead of the dialogue wrangling itself into the most alien of possible configurations to avoid having to do that. It's a little early to accuse this script of having been ghostwritten, but I'm considering the possibility.

Dylan immediately walks into the screen from the left, much too quickly to seem as if the girl couldn't see him. They share an extremely wooden looking hug. �C'mon Leah, we have to go.� dad says. The boy weirdly walks backwards, then approaches the car again as Leah leans out of the window. I'm thinking they're leaving him behind, then realize they're not meant to be brother and sister.

They touch palms in another one of those shots that Breen makes last way too long, possibly exchanging their katra in the process. Leah grandiosely waves at Dylan as they drive away very slowly. We get a shot of the bracelet the girl made from the painted stones.

Dylan calls out Leah's name as the car continues its snail pace out of the suburb. Dad must be very confident the plane, indeed, won't leave without them.

At last, like a hot breath of Las Vegas air, Neil's voice comes in over narration.
�Leah and I had a fantastic summer together. But Leah's father got transferred and had to move. I never heard from her... or saw her again.�

The boy becomes a man. Outside a familiar building � the same building used to represent both twin sisters' place of work in I Am Here....Now, adult Dylan � who I'll again be referring mostly to as Neil from here on � is walking with a cellphone to his ear.

Elsewhere, a lady just finishes up her dishwashing when she picks up the phone. �Hi...� she says. �Yeah... Are you on your way home?� We see Neil still walking outside the office building/Vegas hotel, but don't hear his side of the conversation.

�Okay... Great. Yeah...� the lady converses solitarily. The phone conversations are still as unhelpful as in previous movies. �Mm, nothing. Nothing special. Yeah. Okay.�

Neil, meanwhile, approaches a crossing. He's standing alone on the sidewalk, but when the green light comes on, we see several pairs of legs step out onto the road. Neil, meanwhile, crosses entirely by himself.

But oh drat! A car approaches at a speed that could only cause an accident in a Neil Breen movie! And Neil drops his phone on the ground in the middle of the road! �Can you hear me?� his ladyfriend asks from far away.

Neil's glance shoots sideways, and the car smashes into him in an almost impressive effects shot.

�Dylan?� the lady pleads on the phone. �Dylan, what's going on? Talk to me! Dylan!� Her pleas continue as we're treated to a shot of the legs of the car's passenger � note that in the shot where the car hit Neil, there was clearly only a driver � as she slowly gets out.

Bystanders rush past the car, while the driver appears unconcerned. His sexily clad passenger goes to see what the hubbub's about. Corn syrup drips down the car's grille, as the camera pans down to the blood-soaked phone. On the other side of the phonecall, the lady's still repeating his name.

The camera pans down Neil's syrupy prone form. A shot of some static legs tries to sell that a crowd has gathered, but really makes it seem like nobody's particularly concerned about helping him.

�Call 911, call 911!� one dude urges. �Is he dead?� another guy inquires. �Is he dead?� I mentioned in a previous watchthrough that Neil seems to write his tic of repeating lines in immediate succession into the script. It's also possible he has a defective printer that just prints each line twice.

�It's the Rolls Royce that hit him. I saw it. I'm a witness.� a guy woodenly declares in an Australian accent. The slow pans along the perfectly still legs of the bystanders continue.

Neil twitches as the sound of sirens approaches, showing that he's not dead yet. But there's still a chance his body might get taken over by an alien god or AI from the future, going by previous movies.

�Is he breathing? Is he okay?� asks another someone. Maybe someone should check.

Neil's hand twitchily tries to reach the blood-stained phone. There's also that rounded cubical gem Neil's character found at the beginning of the movie. It makes me think of the lump of fool's gold that features as a healing stone in Double Down, only then it isn't, and then it disappears from the movie.

As Neil's hand fails to do much other than overact a bit, the car's passenger's heeled shoe steps into frame. As its owner bends to reach, that crappy wisp of smoke.gif that appeared at the start of the movie flies across the screen... and dissipates, as Neil successfully grabs the stone, just before the woman can. Accompanied by ominous spooky noises, she walks off. Neil clutches the cube in his paw.

Amusingly, we then see a pair of EMTs from the waist down, standing perfectly motionless next to Neil on a stretcher. Were I a more presumptuous man, I'd really suggest he'd give his actors something to do other than stand around like the kid playing a tree in a school play.

Ah, well. With awkward and slow movements, one of the EMTs fits an oxygen mask on Neil, and places his bloody phone in the middle of his chest. Neil again clutches the cubic gem tightly.

Neil is wheeled off, the zombie-ish gawkers gathering around the bloodstain.

As the camera pans along a hospital, some guy asks on his phone �Is he okay? Okay, okay � calm down! I'll be right there!�

Neil lies in hospitalized repose, his face wrapped in heavy bandages. A man wearing an ill-fitting doctor's coat approaches with his hands clasped behind his back, and Neil's I-assume-wife and friend-or-family-member join him, hugging.

�He's in critical condition.� the doctor tells them. �Unconscious. And it does not look good.�

Neil's wife, who has a slightly distracting accent, tells him �We were on the phone when he was hit! Can he hear me now?� �No, he can't hear you, he's suffered extreme head trauma.� the doctor ensures. His gaze is pointed in such a way that he appears to be looking directly at her chest.

�He's my good friend.� the goateed guy says. Huh, not even 'best' friend?

�Our director of Neurology will be here in a minute to see him.� the doctor tells them. The camera pans along the many oxygen tanks and hospital apparatus keeping Neil alive as Theme From Sad plays.

Another doctor, presumably the aforementioned director, joins them. She feels Neil's pulse with her fingers, despite the beeping in the background implying he's hooked up to an EKG. Also, both her and the other doctor are wearing stethoscopes. But wait! That bracelet... It's Leah, his childhood friend! She shakes her head. �He's very weak. Semi-comatose. It's very serious. He isn't my patient, but... let me know how he's doing, and I'll check in on him later.�

�Don't stay too long.� the doctor tells Neil's next of kin. �He needs plenty of rest and quiet.� I don't think that's really an issue with an unconscious patient, doc. Neil's wife plants a smooch on his massive head bandage.

When they're gone, Leah comes back to check on Dylan-Neil. She shakes her head sadly, and leaves. An ominous wind shakes the blinders on the window. Neil's hand opens to show the cubic gem.

Prrraise Jesus! He opens his eye. He tears the IV bandages off of his wrists. I try not to notice that 1) the gem is gone from his hand and 2) there are not even traces of where the tubes went into his skin.

Neil lifts the oxygen mask from his head. I think that tube should actually be under the bandage to do any good. Expending a shot to show him lowering one of the bed's brackets, he then gets out of bed.

The Breentom of the cinema is here, inside your mind. As he walks out of the room, I feel glad his hospital gown is clinging together fairly well in the back, until it parts far enough to give a Tommy Wisea-esque glance at Breen's buns.

The camera pans down the hospital bed, to the floor, and just as I'm asking myself what I'm supposed to be seeing here, a pair of fancy black shoes step into frame. And... disappear. This might get some follow-up later, but I think I can conclude this is not too subtle � Death just barely missed collecting our friend Neil. It makes me think of several shots from Double Down, which also had black shoes & black pants walking through frame of some mystifying shots. Might've had the same intention?

A shower turns on. The camera pans along Neil's hospital gown and bloody bandages. In the hospital room, Leah awkwardly strokes the empty bed. She makes a phonecall. �Dr. Rosen. Y-yes, this is Dr. Allen. I'm at your patient's bed, and he's not here. Did you discharge him?�

Dr. Rosen replies: �I didn't discharge him. He should be in his bed. I'll check on it.�

Neil's wife wakes to the sound of the shower running. I'm... not sure where all the goopy blood is supposed to be coming from, I thought Neil healed himself with the magic rock. Neil's wife follows the blood trail to the shower. �What are you doing home?� she asks. �You're supposed to be in the hospital!� Ignoring the blood or the fact that Neil has regained consciousness since she last saw him, she gets in the shower with him.

�I let myself out.� Neil says. �Help me. Help me!� Oh, he's still wearing his bandages... that he tossed on the floor?

Oh GOD. I'm really done with Neil giving himself nude scenes. gently caress. Him and his wife awkwardly rotate in the shower, thankfully taking great care not to expose Neil's package to the camera. They run their hands over each other while maintaining eye contact like kids reluctantly sharing a first dance. The shot changes to them in bed together, the soundtrack soaring as she softly strokes his still bandaged head.

Only a Neil Breen character needs this many laptops. This shot just seems to serve as a testament of Neil's power, because next we see his wife making a phonecall. �Well... he seems to be fine.�

Neil sits in his sanctum sanctorum, reading a book while gingerly touching a much smaller bandage on his head.

�As a matter of fact... he's working at his desk on his next book.� his wife conveys to the other person on the line, Leah.

Neil is struck by agony, dropping his book, and managing to shove two of his myriad laptops off the desk before he recovers.

�Leave me alone.� he emphatically says on the phone. �I've got work to do. I know, I know. Your deadlines. I've got deadlines! I'm not signing it, that's it, leave me alone. Do not call me anymore. I'll call you.� Still odd to see someone deliver dialogue they wrote themselves like they've just read if for the first time. Maybe the head injury was just a real thing that happened to Breen during the filming of this movie.

Neil takes one of several blank prop books, pens something on the � I think � blank pages inside, and puts it on the stack. We hear him talk: �I've a drat master's degree in computer science. And I turn out to be a writer. Of novels. All that's coming to an end now.� It's clearly supposed to be narration, but recorded in the same breath as the previous phone conversation. Overall the audio is quite bad, with loud background noise suddenly cutting in and out, no transitions between shots. I may be noticing this more because I'm watching with headphones on.

Good Friend is getting good and sloshed in a sitting room while his spouse looks on. �Can I offer you a drink?� he inquires. �No thanks.� she tells him disapprovingly. The soundtrack takes a turn for the creepy when he slides out of his chair and she backs away, him going�Are ya sure... I can't offer you a little drink?� �No!� she tells him, with disgust.

Determined to not let his party be pooped, he continues to swig water. Then things get serious. �We don't have sex anymore... do you realize that?� he asks her. �Where did that come from?� she asks. �It has been months. What's happened?� he continues. �Where did that come from?� she repeats, avoiding the question. �You're my wife!� he tells her. �I wanna share that with you!� You... want to share with your wife that she's your wife? �I love you!�

�I'm � very � busy!� she emphatically states. �My back is killing me! My office, at the bank, is having major problems.� Her husband takes another sullen swig. �Anyway,� she goes, �be quiet, she'll hear you!�

Oh no, their daughter is listening. �Oh,� Good Friend says in a childishly sarcastic drawl, �You mean your stepdaughter. Well, maybe she should hear this! So she doesn't make the same mistake!� You mean... you want your daughter to hear that your wife won't have sex with you... so she won't accidentally marry your wife? I think you've had enough, dad.

�You bastard!� she tells him, and smacks him with a pillow.
�I'm outta here!� he says, and walks off.
�You bastard!� she dutifully repeats, and throws the pillow after him. Poor daughter drops herself on her bed, sad.

Neil is typing away on one of his laptops, when he suddenly stops and taps his pockets. �Where are my pills?� He repeats more loudly, addressing his wife: �Where are my pills?�

�I'll get them for you!� she answers. She gets the pill jar, shakes out a few and... tucks them into her jeans pocket. Clearly she's up to something.

�I've got your pills! Here they are.� She tosses them to Neil from off screen.
�Thank youuu!� he tells her. Then, after a pensive look at them, he tells himself �I don't need these. I'm not gonna take these anymore.�

Next, he's in the bathroom, telling the pill bottle: �No more... no more.� His wife looks at him apprehensively. �Don't do that. No!� But yes, Neil drops the pills into the toilet. Like a slob, he drops the empty bottle onto the bathroom floor.

His wife sits by the toilet, and is she doing what I think she's doing? Ohhh yeah, she fishes the pills out of the bowl. Gross. Keep in mind, this is no prop toilet, this is just someone's house. I guess she has become addicted to Neil's pills.

An ominous wind, much like the one that stirred the blinders in Neil's hospital room, blows through the paper on his cluttered desk. Oh, looks like the cubic gem he's kept around is lying precariously on top of a folder. It falls onto the table. Next, we see it lying in Neil's restless hand.

Ooh. A sinister set dressed up in black garbage bags. Naked Neil appears to be kneeling in front of either a wrapped-up monolith or a tall door opening, while sinister sounds play. The imagery is too esoteric for me to interpret.

Neil's wife sits looking at him. �Where were you just then?� Neil has been sleeping at his desk, his hand cradling the cubic gem. �You were mumbling something.� Neil takes a breath. �I feel like something's inside me.�

�You're still not well.� his wife tells him. �Did you take your meds?� Uh, you know he didn't, woman. Nevertheless, Neil nods weakly.

Neil scales a staircase leading up to the office of one Dr. David S. Lee, Psychotherapist.

Dr. S. Lee has an interesting approach to making his patients comfortable, as he apparently sits Neil down at the opposite end of a long conference table. They stare at each other for a while.

After an agonizingly long pan across the table that gets interrupted because it presumably lasts too long even for Neil's standards, Dr. Lee tells him: �I congratulated you on the success of your first book, when we first met. I told you I could help you then.� There's audible talking in the background, since this is probably just an office building and people are working in the adjacent rooms.

�You were not making progress on your second book,� the good doctor says expositioningly, as he seems to struggle to remember his lines, �I offered you medication that would help you.�

�I'm feeling less stable.� Neil laments. Aaand apparently that's it for today, good talk. See you next Friday.

�I'm still recovering from the accident.� Neil tells someone on his phone, at home. There's a definite overabundance of phone conversations in this film. �I need time... I understand. I'll call you when I'm ready, it will be soon. Thank you.� Talking to his publisher, I guess.

His wife is back at the dishes, in the same outfit she started the movie in, so it's probably the same footage. Neil is again assaulted by pains as the soundtrack becomes more tense. A bell ringing sounds, a pompous choice of sound effect as Neil groans and spills coffee on one of his many laptops. He collapses...

...and we're treated to a repeat of the car accident, definitely a highlight of the movie so far. In a hilarious shot, Neil rises up from his desk, seems hellbent on drinking a sip of coffee despite the agony he's in, then spills the whole cup across his desk and falls into the spill. He moans and groans.

Elsewhere, we see Good Friend polishing his Ferrari in the garage. This I remember from a scene I've seen on Youtube. A few empty beer bottles on the ground imply he's still drinking. His wife leans into the garage.

�You care more about that car than me.� she complains. �You would rather be drunk in here � than with me?�

He gives here the stinkeye. �Right now!� he tells her. �It gives me more pleasure than you did, the past few months.� �Screw you!� she tells him, throwing a roll of paper towels at him and leaving.

�Amy, why didn't you and Jim come over for dinner?� Neil's wife says on the... sigh... phone. Ah, that's probably Good Friend and wife. Neil's uncharacteristically generous with names in this one. �He could use some company, and we'd love to see you.�
�We'd love to come over!� Amy tells her. �We could really use the break.�
�Great!� Neil's wife replies. �See you then.�

Next, the whole family is gathered for a lovely dinner of clean empty plates, glasses, and assorted wax fruit. �I'm so glad you could all come for dinner.� Neil's wife tells them. �We're glad to visit.� Jim assures her.

Still no food, but at least the glasses magically filled up. Jim and Neil mime drinking from their beer bottles.
�I want you to try this new wine.� Neil's wife tells Amy.
�I'd love to try your wine.� replies Amy. Beautiful. Natural, flowing dialogue.

�I still can't believe you're up and around so fast!� Amy tells a smiling Neil. �That - is amazing.�
Jim agrees. �When you were in the hospital, you were in real bad shape. Comatose. Even the doctors didn't think you were gonna make it.�
�I'm still sore, but � feeling much better, thanks.� Neil tells him robotically.

�Dinner will be ready soon!� Neil's wife suddenly states. What, you guys have a chef, or are we waiting for the microwave to ping?
�I'm huuungry,� Jim and Amy's daughter says, �I can't wait for dinner.� really poignant, important lines.

Determined to screw up the festive mood, Jim continues to pry. �It seems like � it never happened.�
�I've got great family genes.� Neil assures him. �But I'm still in pain.�

Bread has materialized on the table, but clumsy Jim knocks over his beer. He sighs in pathetic apology, then in a suddenly much more drunk slur asks �Can I have some wiiine please?�

�How's school?� Neil asks Jim's daughter, glossing over this embarrassment.
�Almost done.� she tells him. �But I have this really interesting project about elephants in Africa.� Cool.

�I'm sure Dylan doesn't want to hear about that now.� Jim puts in, snorting laughter. gently caress off, Jim, there's always time for elephants.

�I want to hear about her project.� Neil corrects him sternly. But it's too late.

�Can I be excused?� Jim's daughter asks angrily, then gets up and leaves. Amy throws Neil's wife a despairing glance. Jim continues to smile obliviously.

Neil's headache is returning from all this drama. �I � I don't feel so well.� And with that, the dinner scene is over.

Back at his desk, Neil angrily balls up a piece of paper and throws with his stuff. �I've got so much to do, I'll never get done.� he laments. He starts tapping at his laptop like an angry ape.

�I'm going to continue hacking into these government systems!� he says in close-up. Wait, what? You're a writer. Neil, you can't just assume the audience realizes you are always playing a hacker and/or God, you have to lead into these things! �To see what I can find out. About all this naaational (he really draws out that naaa) and international corruption I know is going on.� We hear him hammering away at the keys as if he's an actor that's never before touched a computer in his life.

Will Neil get to the bottom of all this corruption he knows is going on? Find out in part 2.

# ? Dec 23, 2021 23:30

Escape From Noise: Jul 27, 2004

Merry Breenmas, everyone!

# ? Dec 24, 2021 05:23

Baron La Croix: Nov 2, 2010; rastah farah
sonnah maddah fah

Breen hates corruption almost as much as he hates bras.

# ? Dec 24, 2021 14:29

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

Fateful Findings part two:

drat. We're treated to some generous sideboob as we see Amy and Jim in quiet repose. Jim sidles up to her and asks. �Can we talk now please?� Amy, who appeared to be sleeping and thus I don't blame her one bit, turns her head over and continues to snooze.

But, it looks like both parties are troubled, and lie restless.

Once again with the loving phones, Neil's wife woozily tells someone �He stopped taking his meds. Can you get some for me?� No, wife, resist the tempting call of the opiates!

We return to Dr. Lee's office and pick up that slow panning shot across the conference table, but still don't finish it before the doctor starts speaking.

�You had confidence.� he tells Neil. �But now � you're sliding backwards.�
�Why do you keep saying that?� Neil asks. �Why? I know I have issues.�

�Aren't our sessions rewarding anymore?� asks doc.
�No.� Neil replies, crinkling his magnificent nose.
�I want to help you. I can help you.� Doc Lee replies. He shoves the pills across the table, where Neil is still nowhere near enough to reach them. �You know I can!�
Neil rejects him: �I don't need any more.�

Back at home, Neil lays in with a raised voice. �We've gone through the good times and the bad times together! I've given it my all! I've gone out of my way to make you happy!�
His wife defends herself. �You know I've never intended it to turn out this way. I tried to get off the pills, I just can't do it!�

�Your pill-taking for pain relief has gotten out of control.� I love how Neil always skips the moment of confrontation over an issue, only to then bluntly and specifically name it in the ensuing argument. �I told you this was gonna drive us apart.� Neil hesitates, then: �I want you to go into rehab.�

�I need them!� she extorts. �I realize that. But I'll be lost without them! I'm sorry for that. But it's my choice!�
�It's the wrong choice.� Neil assures her.
�No! No rehab.� she insists.

Well, that conversation over with, we next see them each preoccupied by technology, Neil again typing distractingly hard, as if he's trying to convey an angry emotion that his face isn't selling at all, and her on the goddamn phone again. �I've gotta get this work done.� he suddenly tells her, unprovoked.

Exasperated by something, she puts her phone down. �My job suuucks!� she tells Neil. Preach. �I don't like the people I work with.� Testify!

Neil has no time. �I've gotta get this work done.� he repeats, inevitably. �It's gonna shock the world. I've hacked into just about all of the information I need. They have no idea. It's gonna change the world as we know it. It's gonna change everything. They have no idea.�

His wife seems less than thrilled at his new hobby. �The bank is failing! Pills help!� Oh, we're back on this again? �I need something stronger. I need a stronger medication.� Have you tried... love?
�It's a crutch!� Neil calls out. �Get off the pills! Straighten your life out!�
�Maybe it's because of you.� she tells him. Ohoho!
�What?� Neil spits out. �I've been so supportive of you! So supportive!�

�You heard what I said!� she tells him.
Neil cradles his face in despair. �I hate seeing you this way. You're not the same girl! I want that girl back!�
�She's not coming back.� she says.
�Don't turn away!� Neil insists. �Let's talk!�

Next, Neil is back in his office, tapping away at the keys, when his wife comes in. One of my favorites oopsies from Double Down occurs, as the sound of the key tapping continues when he stops typing. �I'm done talking!� she tells him, confusingly suggesting that this scene is a direct continuation of the previous one, where they were on the living room couch.

Neil grabs her by the arm and pushes her against the desk. �Oh really?� In what I guess is meant as one of those romantic scenes where someone sweeps everything off a desk before having sex on it, He quite slowly pushes one laptop off it, then gently lowers another to the floor, even though there's plenty of space already free to do his wife on it.

Neil continues to grab for stacks of paper to throw into the air, clearly not having practiced any kind of choreography for this bit, and it keeps intercutting with shots from a tremendously boring camera angle that shows the desk, the floor and Neil and the actress from the waist down.

Once the floor is a huge mess, Neil's wife begins tearing up his shirt in the kind of way that suggests no one checked how hard it would be to tear up a normal t-shirt before filming it. Neil makes a brief attempt to tear her top as well but thankfully gives up quick and just hugs her as they laugh.

Neil, clearly genuinely enjoying himself, makes this awful face as they go on throwing paper for a while.

The clothes ripping really outstays its welcome, the wild abandon looking incredibly dissonant with the chaste pecks-on-the-lips they keep exchanging. Thankfully, Neil seems more respectful of his actress's boundaries than he seemed in I Am Here....Now.

Both ruined shirts fall to the floor by their completely unmoving feet, which Neil still doesn't seem to realize looks exactly like what it is � two people standing unnaturally, perfectly still while the shot before implies they should be stumbling around.

After a bit more pecking to the romantic piano tunes, the scene mercifully ends.

Next, Neil is walking through another office hallway. Ah, it seems he's found himself a new psychotherapist. Wait, Doctor A. Andra, is it...

Oh. I thought it might be Amy, Jim's wife. No, it's some lady who has a wholly different idea about furnishings and personal space. Sidenote, no offense intended, but does Neil think therapists have to be really old people? And by the way, you can again hear people chatting away in adjacent rooms. They stare at each other listlessly for a while.

�Even during the writing of your first book,� she finally starts, �You were doing so well. You had a peaceful... sense, of yourself. You were given a power... it's in the wind...� Is this a psychotherapist... or a chiropractor? �Be careful. They will harm you.� Neil, I think it's better for you if you leave now.

�You know?� Neil inquires. �About it? How do you know?� Uh oh, he's spellbound.
�They want what you have.� Sinister noises play again.
�I never asked for this.� Neil tells her.
�It was meant for you. It's yours forever now.� Ah yes, this is the usual part of the movie where other characters start talking to Neil about how magical he is and the viewer has no idea what the hell they're talking about.

Neil beholds the man in the mirror as strange, spooky sci-fi sounds play. Oh! He moves away from the mirror, but his reflection stays in place. He did say he felt there was something inside him... Is there some other entity inside him?

In her bedroom, Amy now also has a pill bottle and is shaking some pills into her hand. Is she also hooked on Neil's pills? Confusing, but Neil never seems to consider the ramifications of re-using all his props.

�I'm sorry!� she unprovokedly harps to Jim, who gets into bed with her. �I... I let you down!� She chugs the pills.
�You didn't let me down.� Jim tells her. �Let's try and start over! We both got problems!�
In loud tones that don't really fit the night-time, lighting, she retorts: �I think! I think...! I'm be-yond that now!� I'm not sure if there's supposed to be an element of drunkenness or a pill-popping high in her performance, but it somehow makes the already completely unspecific dialogue even more bizarre.

�I'm going.� Jim tells her disgustedly. �I'm gonna get some fresh air.� He leaves the bed.
�Fine! You go!� she slings after him.
�I'm not running away!� Jim tells her from off screen.

Uh-oh. In front of some white door, the black shoes and dress pants step on the mat. Who is Death coming for? Again, they fade out of existence.

...only to re-appear inside. I have an inkling of what's coming. Death walks down the ratty carpeting.

Neil, meanwhile, is consulting some tome at his desk, no doubt reading up on hacking the planet. His wife comes in and happily drapes herself in his lap. �It's late.� she tells him. �Come to bed! You need your sleep.�
Neil gives her a peck. �I'd love to. But I can't, I have too much to do. I'm sorry. I'd love to. But I need you to go away now. I have too much to do.� Disappointed, his wife slides off his lap. �I'm sorry.� Neil repeats again. He resumes reading and typing.

Sitting on the couch, he tells her �I am so sorry for pushing you away.� The previous scene makes it look like he's apologizing for literally, physically pushing her away in the previous scene.

�Are you having an affair?� she asks him. �That's it, isn't it?� Uh, okay, whatever. Neil shakes his head.
�You are, aren't you?� she yells.
�No, I'm not having an affair.� Neil tells her firmly. �Don't be ridiculous. I'm � with � you. I'm just frustrated with writing.� What, now it's writing again? I thought you were globalhacking the mainframe, dog? �I haven't told you the truth, though.� he continues.
�I knew it. There is another girl.� his wife replies, ignoring what he just told her.

�No. That is not true.� says Neil. He shifts his eyes shiftily. �I have not been writing another novel.� he tells her after a pause. �I have been hacking into corporate and international secrets all over the world.� I groan loudly behind my laptop. For one thing, because I feel like I've heard Breen use these words about a hundred times over the past few viewings, but also, because he already told her this several scenes ago and it flat-out offends me that the editing and continuity of these movies is so bad, like Neil either doesn't notice or care about these things.

�And I'm going to expose them all!� Neil continues Gibsonly. �And no-one knows I'm doing it.� (Neil takes a dramatic pause about three times too long) �No-one knows.�

�What!?� his wife ejaculates. Apparently, she wasn't paying attention when Neil told her this earlier, but to be fair, she was trying to tell him how her job sucked and she needed pills. �Are you crazy? That's dangerous!�
�Don't tell anyone.� Neil insists. �Don't tell anyone.� They lean their heads together, but wife looks troubled as more sinister noises play.

We return to the room plastered in garbage bags, where the elaborate stand with the thick golden book now stands. Perhaps it represents the corporate and international secrets that Neil is hacking into? Neil stands over the book shirtlessly. He's showing an awful lot of skin in this movie, I hope he's not exploiting himself. He seizes the book carefully and opens it to look inside.

In the kitchen, Neil and wife appear to be in better spirits. In a slightly drunk voice, his wife tells him �Let's invite Jim and family for, a nice, quiet, peaceful barbecue at the pool.� She plucks at his shirt.
Neil endures this and tells her �Sounds great.�
�Awesome.� she says, and starts calling on her phone.
�Call Amy.� Neil tells her unnecessarily. Such a control freak.
�Amy? Hi!� she says. Neil starts giggling at nothing in particular.

The scene changes to a nice, quiet, peaceful barbecue at the pool. I'm keeping my eyes open to see if it's the same one that the twins had to frolick in toplessly in I Am Here....Now. There's some party chatter and glass clinking pumped into the soundtrack, which is distracting because we can see almost all the people present, and they're not talking.

Yup, that's the same pool, with the terracotta sun ornament on the wall. Oh wait, there are actually new people present. All of the actors do a lot of pointless walking along the pool to make the scene seem more dynamic.

�The doctor at the hospital!� Neil's wife exclaims.
�It's nice to see you.� Leah tells her. �I'd like you to meet my fianc�, Tim.�
�Very nice to meet you.� Neil's wife replies.

Everyone assembles at one end of the pool. �The doctor at the hospital!� Neil's wife echoes on the soundtrack. Neil mimes a delighted expression and shakes her hand. �I'd like you to meet my fianc�, Tim.� Leah says on the soundtrack. I don't think Neil had a way of getting a microphone any closer to the group, so he just re-uses the soundbytes.

�I'll go get us a drink... to celebrate.� says Tim. Sure dude, get lost. Leah and Neil's wife smile at each other, but then we hear some ruckus.
�Excuse me just one moment, please.� Neil's wife says before walking out of frame. In the next shot, she's just tending to the barbecue.

In an odd choice of sound effects, we hear the sound of two number presses on a phone (instead of, like, a ringtone), as Leah pulls her phone out of her pocket. As she does so, a little notebook crammed awkwardly into her jeans falls out.

Gasp! It's a magical day! Neil kneels Neilically to grab the notebook. �Is this yours?� he asks her.
She kneels by him. �Yes,� she laughs, �It's just something I've been carrying for good luck.

�Oh my God.� Neil says. �Is that you? It is, isn't it? It's you. Leah.�
�It is me.� she tells him as he holds her hand. �And you're Dylan. It's been so long. I had no idea. I couldn't see your face.� Well, you can see it now, lady. �I guess I... never thought to look at the name on the chart.�

Neil awkwardly strokes her hand as they stand statically in front of each other. Worrying. He looks around theatrically, then leans in to say in her ear: �I can't believe it's you. I think of you every day. I think of you every day!�
She laughs. �I think of you! I've never forgotten.�

His wife looks over and sees them holding hands. Neil, you fool. They hurriedly pull their hands back from each other.

Tim comes in with the drinks. �Here's to new � and old friends � and finding each other.� he says.
�I've known her since I was 8 years old.� Neil tells his wife, which is kind of a crazy thing to say out of the blue.

Everyone is seated for some chow. Neil's wife spares him and Leah an unhappy glance that Leah takes ample notice of.

Neil's wife takes out her frustration on the barbecue. Jim approaches behind her. �Well, well. You're looking very special today.� he tells her as he grabs her around the hips.
�Get away from me, Jim!� she firmly tells him. �You're drunk! And stay there!� Whose idea was it to film so many of these shots from the neck down? Has anyone told Neil people actually like to see the actors' faces?

Headless, Jim stumbles backward and knocks over the plates of corn and drumsticks. He stumbles in place for a bit longer to really sell it.

But all seems quickly forgiven. Gathered together, Leah tells them: �Well, it was so nice to meet you all, um, we're gonna have to go, but: cheers!�

Notably with his wife standing right next to him, Neil leans in on Leah and seductively tells her �Very nice.� He clutches her hand for an extended shot. She laughs softly and walks away, Neil staring after her longingly. I wouldn't mind seeing the original script for this movie, if there was indeed one, and not a stack of shuffled cocktail napkins. Did Neil's wife's accusation of infidelity originally come after he met Leah again at the pool party? Cause that would make more sense.

Well, Neil's back to hacking by way of several turned-off laptops and reading some piece of paper in his office.

Next we see Jim's daughter about to take a dive in the pool. She walks slowly into the undoubtedly once again freezing water.

Neil taps at his desk, but is distracted by something. Maybe the sound of his friend's daughter splattering water in the pool? She seems reluctant to go further in.

Neil looks out through the window. There he spies the girl, who's turned her back on the camera and is... uh... tell me she's not doing what I think she's doing...

Yes, she's taking her top off. I realize the actress is of age, but she's playing a character who, going by the earlier dinner conversation, is like, what, 14? What the gently caress is this?

She looks over her shoulder, smiles, and seductively says: �Dylan...�

Neil feels a headache coming on, and so do I. Jim's daughter walks out of the pool again, picks up her top and walks off with it, leaving the point of this scene a severely questionable one.

Neil resumes tapping. Jim's daughter starts a bath. �Hey Emily!� Neil calls over his shoulder, putting a name on yet another character. �You're home early!� Why is his friend's daughter living at their house? Neil gets out of his chair, making me more and more worried.

Emily drops her towel, and we see Neil with bugged-out eyes. Emily throws him more bedroom eyes. Neil shakes his head as he rubs his temple, and Emily gets into the bath. Then... Neil grabs the towel and starts covering her up.

They have a sitdown together. Eugh. I get it. Emily has a The Crush on Neil. �Please stop.� Neil tells her. �You can't do this. Please, don't do it anymore.� Emily sulks. �Are you going to stop?� Neil asks her. He nods and grins at her, but she can't reply because Neil didn't write any lines for her. �You can't do this anymore.� They nod at each other.

Ooookay, let's just try to forget that loving happened. Neil is back at hacking in the living room. His wife comes in. �Hey!� they tell each other. �Was that Aly?� his wife asks. Ohh, I got a little confused here � Emily is Neil's wife's name, he just thought that Aly was Emily when she came into the house... The accent that Neil's wife's actress has further throws me off, thinking she said Emily when she said Aly. �What is she doing in here?� Yeah, I'd also like to know.
�You should know, you're the one who invited her over here.� Neil hurriedly tells her. �'Ohhh, you can come over and use our swimming pool any-time you want.'� he tells her sarcastically. �Remember?�

�I just found her swimming topless in our pool!� he tells her. Technically, she never swam. �Then I find her taking a bubble bath in our tub! I told her never to come over again, unless she calls first.� Very believable, Mr. Breen, but why don't you just have a seat right over there?
�I'll call her mother.� Neil's wife says, of course not missing an opportunity to make a phonecall.
�Good.� says Neil.

�I apologize, Emily...� Amy tells her. �I'll tell her never to do it again. Never.�

Aly lies sniffing on her bed, but it's a repeat of the shot from when she heard her parents argue.

Jim sits down with the wife. �What?� he asks her with much sarcasm. �Another hard day at the office?�
�drat it, yes, as a matter of fact!� she bites back. �I'm trying to relax, leave me alone.�
But Jim's not done. �Have you seen Aly?�
Amy takes a sip. �Let me tell you about Aly. Aly's been sneaking over to Dylan and Emily's house and jumping in their swimming pool.�
�So?� Jim asks. �It's your turn to watch her!� She's not a toddler, Jim.

Amy moodily shoves him with her foot. Jim leans over menacingly. �Stay away from me!� Amy tells him, and dumps her drink all over his shirt and the couch. Jim pays her tit for tat, then stalks off.

He returns to the garage to polish his car, or at least, one single spot on the side mirror. Meanwhile, Amy kneels by the bed and draws out a holstered gun, to ominous sounding music. She cocks it, and a bell tolls. Excellent trigger discipline, though maybe it's a real gun, not one of Neil's silver prop ones. She walks off.

Neil comes calling to the house. Meanwhile, Jim is still blissfully polishing his side view mirror when Amy comes into the garage and yells: �I'm gonna shoot this drat car a-full o'holes!�
�No! No no!� Jim pleads. Amy pulls the trigger, and Jim falls to the ground.

At the door, Neil hears the gunshot. �Jim!� he yells. �Amy!�

Amy and Aly placidly stare at each other in the garage. �You... killed him.� Aly tells her. That's right, kid.

Suddenly, Aly makes a break for the body, but Amy restrains her. �Dad! Dad!� she cries as Amy tells her �No, Aly, don't go in there! Don't look!� I guess the emotion just suddenly caught up with them. We see a brief shot of Jim's body with him clearly drawing breath.

�You didn't see anything!� Amy tells Aly, as the latter continues calling for her dad. �You know how he was! Go call 911!� Amy shoves her out of the room, then kneels by the body with the gun in her hand. She drops it, and the spent casing, next to it.

Neil comes into the house. �He killed � himself!� Amy yells at him. �He killed himself!�
Neil yanks her away. �Call 911!� He tells her, as usual giving superfluous orders.

Neil grabs Jim's copiously corn-syruped body. Sadly, this is a scene I was also spoiled on through Youtube. �Jim! Jim!� and to Amy, again: �Call 911!�

�Jim! Jim!� Neil mourns as he struggles to lift Jim's torso into his lap. �How could you've done this? JIM!� He runs his hand through the syrupy blood, looks at it, then for some reason feels the need to rub his mouth with his blood-stained hand.

In the next shot, Neil has painted his whole face with Jim's blood, and delivers an unbelievable monotonous monologue, that sounds as if he's reading out the lines to commit them to memory. �I can't believe you committed suicide. I cannot believe you committed suicide. How could you have done this, how could you have committed suicide?� finishing with the amazing line: �I can't help you out of this one, Jim.�

�With all we've been through... I can't help you out of this one. Goodbye my friend. Goodbye.�

Amy is keeping up appearances to Emily. �I drove him to suicide!�
�What?� Emily asks. �Suicide?�

Neil deals with his obvious grief by returning to his routine of reading a book at his desk. �How could Jim have killed himself?� he asks himself. �I can't believe. I can't believe it, it's just not like him. How could he have committed suicide?� He tosses his book aside. �I'm so drained.� he says in an increasingly quavering voice. �I'm so tired. I'm exhausted.� He falls asleep at his desk, to more ominous noises, and sinks back into a dream where he's naked in the plastic playroom.

In the living room with his wife, Neil tells her in a too-loud, pitiless voice: �Emily, you know I'm here for you. I support you, I'll do anything for you! Anything to help you!�

�Jim's suicide was not your fault. You can't blame yourself!� I mean, I don't think she was... �It was not your fault!� She shoves him away, and takes the pill bottle out of her jeans pocket. She swallows a few as Neil watches calmly.
�I overreacted.� she tells him. �I pushed him at the barbecue!� Ah yes, clearly that made him kill himself. �Over the edge. He wasn't a bad person. It's all my fault!� Then, she adds on: �Coupled with the problems we have between us. At home.�

�It hurts me to see you this way.� Neil tells her.
�It's not what I wanted.� Emily goes on. �You're better off without me. Neil seems to give it some thought.

�No.� he says. �No, don't say that.� He hugs her. �Don't say that, please don't say that. I'm not better off without you. I'm here for you, I'm here to support you.�

Back at his desk, Neil picks up his phone, though for this entire movie he seems to have forgotten that phones tend to either ring or vibrate to indicate you're getting a call. �Hello.� he says. �I'm working, I'm very busy. What deadline? No, I'm not... You know what? After giving it some thought, I am not gonna sign the book deal with you. No � I'm not signing the contract. I'm under no obligation to sign with you. None.� He throws a piece of paper on his desk to convey the emotion of anger. �You never gave me a retainer, I never asked for one. I am not obliged to sign any contract with you. I don't owe you any book. No book. That first book made a fortune for you.� As illustration, he picks up a book and also throws it on his desk. gently caress this book! �And I don't owe you anything. In fact, I'm not gonna give you the next book, that's it. Don't call here anymore. No more drat books!� He picks up and throws another book. gently caress that book! �No more books!� He finishes by throwing his phone on the desk. Aaand... scene.

I think Neil might fall asleep after that, because the next shot is a repeat of Neil and Leah holding hands at the pool party, followed by... Oh dear, Neil and someone in the black plastic room � is it Leah? Amy? Some other lady who was willing to go nude for a Neil Breen movie? He cradles her, and her tu-tone hair obligingly keeps her face covered.

Back to the desk for another talk with the wife. As usual, Neil isn't much for scene variety or dynamics. �I can't go on like this.� Emily tells him, and shoves one of his prop books on the floor. �I'm so out of my head!� She shoves another book off the desk. �I can't go on like this.� And a third, she sends it straight into Neil! �I think I'm losing my mind!� She gets up and leaves him.

Back to wacky Dr. Andra for more sage advice. �I lost my first real love when I was 9.� Neil tells her. �She was beautiful. She was my love.� That's a very healthy outlook on your childhood crush, Neil. The fact that his fianc� in Double Down was also his childhood love is either a sign of Breen's tropes or a man with a troubled emotional development.

�She is still with you.� Dr. Ann tells him. �In your heart.� This pleases Neil. �She knows you're thinking of her spirit.� the doc goes on.

Neil takes out the cubic gem. �I've always kept this with me.� he tells the doctor. �As reminder of her. But there's so much more.�
�Tell me about your dream.� Andra replies. No, don't, doc, we'll be here all day. �Is it her?�

Suddenly, Neil is back in Dr. Lee's conference room. It occurs to me that the use of the conference table, while ridiculous, might be intended to convey that Dr. Lee is a cold pill-slinger, whereas Dr. Andra is a warm, spiritual type.
�We can increase the dosage if you want to.� he tells Neil. �You do want to � you do, don't you?�
�No!� Neil tells him. �No, I can't.� I don't know what this is � I can only speculate that Neil came back to Dr. Lee to get stronger pills for Emily, and then reconsidered?

�This dream you're having,� Dr. Lee inquires, �What is it? Are you really writing a book? Or is it something else?� Dr. Lee's is another actor that takes enormous pauses in the middle of his lines. �Tell me!�

Neil feels faint. �Our sessions have filled a void in your life.� the doctor ensures him. �Haven't they?�
�Yes.� Neil says as he rubs his face.

As Neil scales the stairs again, we hear the doctor say: �Don't worry. I can help you deal with the outside pressures.� We focus on the doctor again, wearing a different suit (I guess indicating a different day?) as he asks: �Oh by the way � are you seeing another therapist now?�
With a steel face, Neil tells him: �No-no-no-no, there is no one else. I am not seeing any other therapist. There are no other therapists.� Idle sidenote, I wonder if Neil's style of writing dialogue stems from his past as a realtor � there is something to salespeople taking what you've said and repeating it back to you, to make you feel pleased that you're being listened to and heard.

�How was your, uh, research coming along?� The doc asks.
�Research?� Neil asks. �What research?� Uh-oh, I'm trusting Doc Lee less and less by the minute.

We see Emily at home, on that phone that must be merging with the side of her face by now, drunkenly slurring: �He isn't writing another novel. He's writing about government secrets.� Nooo, Emily, you betray me.

Yup, she's on the phone with the doctor. �Is there anything else you can tell me about, uh, Dylan's research?� There's a curious doubling on this line by the doctor that makes it sound like the person hearing it is feeling woozy, but I think it's just an editing accident. We cut back to Emily, but she has nothing else to say.

Will we learn more about Dylan's, uh, research? Find out in the thrilling conclusion.

# ? Dec 24, 2021 21:45

Schwarzwald: Jul 27, 2004; Don't Blink

Thank you for this, davidspackage.

# ? Dec 24, 2021 21:56

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

Fateful Findings part three:

Neil goes for a stroll in the park, by the duck pond. Oh hello, my winged friends. Looks like yet another location from I Am Here....Now. He meets Leah.
�Great to see you.� He tells her.
�You too.� she replies.

Presumptuously, he strokes her hair. Then they part ways... Leah fingers her bracelet... They share a pregnant glance...

And then, super romantic, they... hug. Hot stuff.

They stroll along the pond together. �I, uh... I broke up with Tim.� she tells him. Leah's is clearly one of the movie's few actors with experience � she generally sounds like a normal person.�The engagement's off.�
�I'm sorry to hear that.� Neil answers.

She shushes him. �No, it's better this way. Besides, there was always someone else anyway. Ever since I was a kid.� They grin at each other.

�I love you.� Neil tells her, as the camera films him from the back. �I knew I loved you when I was 8 years old. I fell in love with you that day when we were walking in the forest. And finding the black cube.�
�And I love you!� Leah replies.
�It was magic.� says Neil.
�It was a true... childhood love story.� Leah tells him. �You're everything I've ever wanted.�
Does anyone have a bucket?

But back at home, Emily sits alone and disheveled on the bed, drinking wine.

Meanwhile, Neil and Leah return to the wooded area from the opening. Naturally, they come back to the tree.

Gold sparkle dust falls down the screen as they bend over the mushroom once more. Then, the mushroom is gone, and Neil brushes away the dried grass to uncover the jewelry box. He has the cubic stone ready in his hand.

Suddenly, the mysterious wisp of smoke returns from the left, accompanied by a wailing noise. Diagnosis: danger. At home, Emily clasps her pillbox.

Leah drops more little stones into the box. Unsure where she got them, her bracelet is still intact. Meanwhile, Emily swallows a handful of pills and takes a shaky drink of wine-water.

Leah looks in her notebook once more. Helpfully, Neil reads out �It's a magical day!� Then, he adds: �It's a magical time.�
�A place where dreams come true.� Leah puts in. They re-bury the jewelry box.

But oh. At home, Emily tips over her glass in the bed. Neil and Leah cuddle and exchange pecks. Emily shakily whispers �I'm sorry Dylan.� and sinks into the pillow.

Neil continues making out in the woods. And oh no, he reaches for Leah's spaghetti straps. I'm not worried for toplessness, it just means that... egh.... Neil's shirt is coming off again, too. I could go for the rest of my life without seeing that skinny, hairless chest and baggy neck.

And yeah, again we see some stationary legs while shirts are dropped onto the ground. Though considering the slow hunt-and-peck kissing they're doing, it doesn't seem as unnatural. The camera ends up panning up the length of the tree, which I hope is a sign of this scene ending.

Ah, good. Neil comes home to find Emily in complete druggification. �Emily!� he calls out. �Emily! Emily!� He softly pats her cheek several times. �Wake up! Wake up!� To no avail. He cradles her as he whispers �Emily... Emily...� Then: �It was you... I know it was you.� I guess he means it was Emily relaying his secrets to the doc?

�I know it was you.� he repeats. Then, oddly, he seems to twice yell �No!� but there's no sound other than the music. I assume he blew out the mic and just cut out the audio. Sadly, no �I cannot believe you committed suicide, I can't help you out of this one,� but I'm sure he was thinking it.

That takes care of that. Next he sits at his desk again, tapping away on his phone. Then he raises it to his mouth. �Emily's dead.� he says, and drops his phone on the desk, pinching the bridge of his nose. Next, he falls asleep again.

The cube is in his hand again, but just before I can protest - since I just watched him put it back in the box in the forest - it fades out of his hand. We return to his semi-naked forest antics, to which I protest quite loudly, then other naked antics in the black plastic room.

Return to Neil on the phone. �I've gone in a deeper, much more profound direction this time.� An interspersed shot of Dr. Andra, not on the phone, implies he's talking to her. �Deeper than the first book. Nnno, it's not a book... it's research. Research that will make a strong, significant difference, to people all over the country.�
Back to Dr. Andra. �There should be no void in your life. Keep a clear mind and soul.�

Nope, Neil's sitting with her. Continuity is still a vague suggestion in Breen's brain. �Don't let the outside world poison your spirit. It will help you to write! To inspire you! To give you strength for this one important act for humanity.� Everything about Dr. Andra is weird, from the velours dress to how they're sitting in fold-up chairs in the corner of an office, touching knees, and her New Age-y dialogue, but aside from delivering her lines a little slow, her performance is kind of compelling. I could see her narrating a trailer.

Next, Neil sits at his desk... again... but this time, Leah's there, and Neil is bizarrely chowing down on a plate of plain greens, maybe raw spinach, while maintaining eye contact. Leah favors him with a smile. He puts his plate down on some paper folders, and it slides off and falls. Leah gives a startled laugh. They share an awkward look, then smile at each other again, and all of this probably made sense in Neil's head. It's obviously meant to be comical, but it seems like a remainder of a cut plot point where Leah was a health nut or something, trying to get Neil to eat better.

�All this time,� Neil starts, �I haven't been working on my next book.� Oh good. Since he lost his old wife, Neil gets to do exposition at an entirely new one! �I've hacked into the most secret, government and corporate secrets. THE most secret.�
Leah gawks at him silently. That's right, Leah, no one but Neil gets to talk in these scenes.
�And discovered corporate and government cheating, lying, corruption, and hypocrisy. On a massive level. Worldwide.� Neil's playing all the old hits. �Much more than has ever been seen before. These documents are gonna change the world.�

�You're going to get yourself killed.� Leah finally says. �Someone's gonna find out. They're gonna come after you.�
Neil looks pensive. �No-one knows. But you, now. But I think you're right. Others have found out what I'm doing.�

In a different shirt, Neil ponders at his desk. He sighs. �I can't wait any longer!� he loudly utters to the apparently empty room. He slowly lifts up a book and tosses it into his laptop. Anger. He lifts up another book, throws it at another laptop. �I'm not ready for this!� Frustration. He closes a laptop, lifts a book threateningly at the first laptop, drops it on the desk instead. E-mo-tion.

Outside, there's the sound of a car door slamming. A sinister man in gloves, sunglasses and a hoodie lowers his hood. He wets a cloth with some fluid, presumably a sedative.

As Leah walks along the wall, Hoodie assaults her doubtfully, and she defends herself with equally little enthusiasm, preferring to hiss irritably at him rather than scream. During the struggle, he seems to have forgotten his cloth with chloroform or whatever. She knocks a business card out of his pocket, which reads �Take her to trailer #23 at 410 S. Ambrose Av.� The courteous taskmaster has even signed the card.

Finally, Hoodie remembers the cloth, and puts Leah to sleep. He drags her away.

Neil comes walking, on the phone. �Leah, hi, it's Dylan, I just pulled into the driveway, and I'm... right at our front door right now.� Suddenly, he notices something on the ground. He kneels slowly. �And your purse... is laying... on the walkway. Leah! Leah, are you there? Leah, pick up!� The camera pans from her purse to the card with instructions.

�Leah, where are you?� Neil continues. I mean, if he's leaving a message on the answering machine, he could just go inside to see. If he's calling her cellphone, people don't hear you leaving a voicemail. �I've gone into the house and looked for you, you're not there. Your purse is here laying on the walkway, leading up to the front door.� Is this a voicemail or a guided tour? �Leah, where are you, pick up. Are you okay? Are you okay, Leah? Leah, where are you?� Always nice when Neil uses six or seven lines to say what could be covered in one. �I'm worried.�

Neil spots the card. �I'll find you.� he says on the phone. �I'll find you, Leah. I'll find you, don't worry. I'll find you.�

The camera pans along some storage lots. Going by the colors, I think it's the same location where he filmed the dreamlike opening of the golden book on the stand. The pan stops on a sinister black trailer. Neil walks along the lots. Over by the trailer, Hoodie appears to have drunk himself into a stupor. So hard to find good help these days. Inside, Leah sits bound.

Neil attempts to open the door, but it's padlocked. He grabs hold of Hoodie. �Where is she?�
�Who?� Hoodie asks, wonderfully.
�Leah!�
�I-I don't know who that is!�
�Gimme the keys of these locks!�
�I-I don't have any keys.�
�Gimme the key to the locks!�
�I don't have a key, I don't know anything!�

Neil threatens him with a beer bottle. �Gimme the key!�
�I don't have--� Hoodie starts, but then Neil breaks the bottle over his beanied head.

Next, Neil stands facing the trailer, and in a very calm voice, as if he's going telepathic, says: �Leah. Leah.� Ominous sound effects play. Leah sits bound, blindfolded and gagged inside.

Neil then... fades away. I mean, nothing up to this point implied he had magic powers again, but then, it's not like you get eased into these things in a Neil Breen movie. Either that, or Neil forgot which of his movies this is. Inside, Neil approaches her. �Leah � it's Dylan.� he assures her, as he pulls off her blindfold. �It's Dylan. Everything's gonna be okay.�

He kisses her. �I'm so glad I found you. Everything's gonna be okay. Don't worry about anything, I'm gonna get you out of here.�
�Who are these people?� Leah pleads.
�I, don't know who they are. Let me untie you.� Neil tells her.
�I wanna go home.� Leah cries.
�It's okay, let's go, don't worry.� Neil replies, taking a moment to plant another kiss on her. From the amount he's sweating, it looks like it's pretty toasty in the trailer, storage lot or garage that they're in. �I won't let anything happen to you. I need you. You're all I have. It's okay. Trust me. Trust me, I don't know, we're gonna get out of here right now. But � I need to put the blindfold back on.�
Leah doesn't like that much, but Neil insists: �Trust me. Trust me. I'm gonna do something... that you can't see. I'm gonna put the blindfold back on. Trust me. We're gonna get out of here, but you can't see what's about to happen.�

Next, Neil gives a bit too much of his kink away. �I'm gonna put the gag back in.� Wait, what!? How is that necessary to keeping your secret powers under cover? �Please be very quiet. Don't � make � a noise.� Unless, you know, you feel like moaning a bit. �Everything's gonna be okay. Let's go.�

�What's happening?� Leah mumbles through her gag.
�I'll tell you later!� Neil yells, as they walk into a corner and vanish. �Let's go!� he says as they exit the trailer in a slightly more impressive fade-in effect.

Suddenly, it's Neil and Aly. �You can not come here again!� he sternly tells her. This might seem like a bizarre and abrupt scene change, and yeah. It is.

Aly touches his arm. �But... I thought you liked when I came here.�
Neil seizes her violently. �NO, I don't like it. You've gotta go! Go � now. You can � not � come here!� He shoves her away. I was really hoping this subplot wasn't going to rear its head again.

�The police are at my house.� Aly tells him. �Talking to my mom. About my dad's death. You know he didn't kill himself. She shot him. She killed him. I saw her.�

Neil's interest is peaked. �What?�
�She � planted the gun on him.� Aly explains. �To make it look like a suicide.�

Neil bulls over her. �You have got to go to the police! Now!� and shoves her away again. Aly walks out of the room, as Neil stares pensively.

Neil wakes at night to paw his wife a little. Death stalks the halls of the house.

In Neil's office, one of his laptops starts to spookily shift on the desk, and a drawer opens by itself. In a quite impressive effect, a page slides out of a folder of its own accord. Though, on second viewing, I see the light reflecting off a wire.

In silence, Death continues to approach on black shoes. The shot leads into a genuine jumpscare when the crappy smoke wisp effect Neil keeps using appears over sleeping Leah and a loud noise plays on the soundtrack, indicating... a threat? Instead of fading out, it gets cut off before it finishes playing.

Paranormal Activity-like, the bedroom door opens slowly and quietly. In another room, the camera pans up to a mirror buckling on the wall. Elsewhere in the house, a painting starts to similarly rattle on the wall.

Peaceful pipe music sounds as the clock strikes midnight. And back is the black cube. I'm gonna guess Neil meant to put that shot of him placing it back in the jewelry box in the forest at the end of the movie, it got moved around in the editing, and he didn't realize (or ignored) the continuity lapse. Something barely visible slides by in the reflection on the table.

Neil shoots awake! He seems to sense a presence. He starts to slowly and awkwardly slide out from under the covers. Maybe to avoid dragging the covers off Leah, who appears topless, maybe to hide the fact that he himself is undoubtedly 100% naked under there.

Next, he's in his car, making a call. It goes to the answering machine in his own house. �Leah, hi, this is Dylan, uh... just got out of bed, I'm sorry, I've gotta go out of town for a day, I'm sorry for not telling you, I had no idea this was going to happen. I'll only be gone for a day, I promise everything is okay. Everything is okay. Do not worry, please. I'm sorry I had to sneak out on you like that. I love you Leah. I love you Leah. I'll be back soon. Don't worry, everything is okay.� I kinda wish the answering machine had cut him off halfway through the soliloquy.

Neil is driving through familiar landscapes, in the meantime. Looks like he's going out to get back in touch with nature. Soaring music accompanies him through the dry bushes. Drum music starts. There's like 12 minutes of movie left, what's he doing here?

Oh, it's the book on the golden stand. And as he approaches, three shadowy figures materialize halfway... and vanish. Neil regards the book. �Should I be afraid?� he asks it. �Should we be afraid?� The book, instead of answering, fades away. Puzzling.

Neil returns to the office building for another psychotherapist session. Craggy old Dr. Andra looks towards the door, but as Neil approaches the office, he sees a post-it stuck to the nameplate. �Dr. Andra is no longer here.�

Belying the note, Dr. Andra sits patiently on her fold-up chair, inside. And... fades out of existence. I guess... she was never really real. Or she was needed back on her own planet.

Neil gets in another nude sleeping session because he's the director. Again Mr. Black Shoes stalks the hall, the mirror shakes on the wall, and Neil tosses and turns.

Death stands on what I guess are the bathroom tiles, and blood drips down on his shoes. An annoying, whining horror sound effect repeatedly plays. Death appears to have quite the nosebleed. Then he fades away again. I... I guess Death is defeated.

To soothing music, Neil wakes in the sunlight, stroking Leah. Wife... out of danger? The golden tassels from the book lies on her chest, I guess maybe indicating that Neil used it to protect her from the evil force? �Good morning.� he tells her, kissing her. She wakes and notices the tassels. �What are these? Where'd they come from?� �A friend of ours left them for us last night.� Neil replies, which doesn't sound like a comforting statement.

Next, Leah is on the phone in Neil's office. �I'm worried about him!� She gives a little relieved laugh. �Nothing's gonna happen to him. I can't let anything happen to him.�

Boom. Again, sadly, I've had the ending to the movie spoiled to me by Youtube compilations, but I still have to say, almost none of the movie actually lays the groundwork for this. A microphone podium is superimposed over some courthouse. The soundtrack is some poor quality people talking over each other. An array of unmanned videocameras at some event is meant to indicate the presence of lots of press.

Neil looks like he's greenscreened himself on an outside set as he takes to the mics. �I wanna be honest with all of you. I've been hacking into corporate and government systems all over the country.� We see the unmanned battery of cameras on tripods again, as applause sounds. Appropriate.

�All over the world!� Neil exclaims. �I have discovered more information than any hacker ever has! Ever! What I have found will shock you!� More applause.

He fingers the cube. In front of the exact same photo of the court building, some suit-glad goons give each other thoughtful looks.

Shaking an SD-card or thumbdrive or something, Neil speeches: �Here are the files. And supporting documents.� Hold for applause. The suit goons continue to stare.

�And supporting truths. The factual documents. I'm releasing these files... to the public today.� Applause.

And we have a first contestant for today's game: Public Contrition. �Money... payoffs. And greed. Were always the priority. Of my company. Like many companies.� Applause, and back to a silent, pensive Neil.

The Company Man isn't done. �I'm afraid of going to prison. They now know... my crimes.� And, he... raises a gun to his temple, and pulls the trigger.

Contestant number 2, what would you most like to tell Neil Breen? �I am resigning today as your senator. The people who elected me... deserve someone who cares about them. And the country.� Applause. Neil beams proudly.

The senator's speech plays over him lifting a weak-rear end noose from the ground. �Many of my other... fellow, incompetent senators... must resign, now, also!�

In a genuinely psychotic turn, Neil follows the shot of the noose with his own grinning face, and then applause on the soundtrack as we see the senator's feet dance their last dance.

�My releasing these files today... will not endanger any innocent persons. But they will identify governments and corporations that have committed fraudulent and criminal activities against mankind.� Applause. �These people must be punished! And eliminated!� There we go with the cleansing again. �Immediately!�

Contestant number 3, would you like to tell us your name and occupation, please. �I resign today, as president of the bank.� As always, it's just generic 'the bank' with Neil.

�For their lying, their greed, their injustices.� from Neil. This kind of non-linear editing isn't a great idea when both you and your actors have such halting diction, Neil.
The President of Bank: �We were all under pressure... to operate in a deceiving way. And cheat the customers. Goodbye.� Isn't that corrupt!? Very slowly, the Bank President pulls out a little gun and points it at his throat. Just as he pulls the trigger, we move on to...

Contestant number 4, it says here on my card you enjoy skiing and not having particularly sound judgment when it comes to accepting acting jobs. Is that correct? �Today, I am submitting, my resignation, as congresswoman.�

Contestant number 5, not so quick, #4 hasn't had a chance to Budd Dwyer herself yet! �I... and other insurance companies... are about to be... indicted... for crimes we've committed.�

Yes, back to #4. �The people deserve much better!� Delirious applause cuts in halfway through her line.

The congresswoman is sitting in her idling car in a really messy garage for such a neatly dressed woman, and she rolls up the window as her speech continues. �Our crimes are about to be disclosed.� She sinks into a much-deserved sleep.

Mr. Insurance Company is sitting in his car with one of Neil's pill bottles. His voice carries over: �Lying... cheating of our customers... Fraud.� He slowly falls onto the steering wheel.

�Me...� says Contestant number 6, a family-sized refrigerator and mother of three. �...and many of my fellow Wall Street brokers, have been lying, cheating, and scamming investors out of their money.�

�We can not continue to let them slip through our failed justice system.� Neil passionately tells the cameras. More applause.

�I'm leaving now.� Wall Street broker says, over footage of him ending it all in the bathtub. Say what you want about these human vultures, but they don't like to get samey about their mode of suicide. �Rather than going to prison. For the rest of my life.� Next, he gets zipped up in a bodybag.

Neil: �These files will prove to all of you... All of you... The political and corporate dishonesty that exists.� Applause. A panning shot of some bushes seems thrown in to break up the footage of Neil standing at the microphones, but it really just serves to make him look like an insane man ranting in empty air.

�Their systems, that are there to undermine society's best interests, for the purpose of greed, and fraud.�

The bushes give another round of applause. But wait! There's a sniper in the bushes! He trains his rifle right at Neil's glaring weak spot � his colossal nose.

�You will be shocked, and amazed at what I have here.� A gunshot sounds, and more applause.

The gunman keels over. So it was him that was shot! How ironic. Neil glances over, but continues his speech.

�It will scare you. But you should be scared! Because it is the truth!� Applause. �You now have all the truths. The real truth! Act now! On your own! Outside of the corporate systems and these incompetent politicians. Act now! It's our only hope for the future.� The battery of cameras gives another round of applause.

As the applause fades, Neil returns to the forest with Leah for a bit of hugging and kissing. We see them as kids once more, running through the grass, and it fades over into a present day shot of them as adults.

But then the creepy whining sound plays again, a shadow crawls over the grass, and Neil looks over his shoulder, alert. But... I guess he scares it off, or something, because the movie's just about over, and they keep walking. The wisp of smoke passes over the screen once more, without sound to accompany it.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure there was supposed to be a denouement here where Neil returns the cube gem to the earth. Instead, someone decided the ending ought to be a series of graphic suicides followed by an abrupt forest frolic with a brief, limp spooky moment.

And that's it. Credits.

Looks like the psychotherapists were played by a real-life couple. Cute. No familiar names in the credits here.

Same editor and cameraman as earlier projects. It's of course hard to tell how much creative input you get when you work with an undoubted monomaniac like Neil Breen, but I'm particularly irritated by much of the camerawork in this one. So many tight close-ups where much of the face goes out of frame, or shots from the neck or waist down. Could be that it's due to the cramped shooting conditions in places like Neil's little office, and/or not having enough lenses to work with that.

Looks like this was the first time Neil did that same insane thing in the credits that he did for Pass Thru, where he puts in a bunch of fictional company names and then explains they're fictional in the credits themselves.

So: first impressions? ...highly disappointed, really. More than with Pass Thru, maybe even. I was expecting this one to be either more competent or more entertaining than his other works, and found it neither. Neil could've had a generic drama going about a man who gets back in touch with his childhood girlfriend while his marriage is falling apart, but he doesn't even manage to write soap opera intrigue well. The movie still ends up like a box of tangled Christmas lights, scenes being left unresolved and catapulting into completely different ones. Amy never got brought to justice for killing Jim, or if she did, it was off screen. Emily is saddled with a pill problem and kills herself, and every step of the way, we are assured that it is not Neil's fault, so he can move into his new wife with a clear conscience. It's like, after a while, Neil gets bored and just starts barreling towards his conclusion of hacking his way into making Those Wall Street Fatcats kill themselves, live, on camera. Part of me would love to understand more of his weird symbolic imagery � was the sexy woman getting out of the car that hit him, and tried to steal his stone, also Death, in some other disguise? Was the stone magic protection? Was Death stalking him because he defied it, or was it some evil force pursuing him because he dared look into the golden book of knowledge, or stole the talismanic cube gem? And was that creepy thing with Aly lusting after him really necessary?

It's so boringly filmed, too! Neil's movies are always prone to shot repetitions, but this one is particularly stingy when it comes to different locations. I feel like 90% of the movie takes place in Neil's little office, with the camera stuck in the same two or three places every time.

Fateful Findings had a few wild moments, but mostly it was really bad character drama spaced out over constant one-sided phone conversations and many home office talks. Had Neil not made himself the main character, I think I would've found it far more palatable. As it is, it doesn't come close to beating I Am Here....Now for me, still my favorite. However, with what little I've seen of Twisted Pair, his fifth movie, I suspect it's insane enough to make me reconsider that. I do find it interesting how much of Fateful Findings echoes elements of Double Down, such as the childhood love lasting into adulthood, and the super-powered hacker being the terror of the corrupt elite. I don't really see it as him refining his earlier work though, more like going back to the well for seconds.

One thing's certain, Neil seems to be getting more cynical as time goes on. In Double Down, he... well, it's not all that clear what happens and what he wants in Double Down, but he seems to resolve things by threatening political leaders to do good, or else. In I Am Here....Now, he brings down the wrath of God (Neil) on corporate leaders and corrupt politicians, crucifying them. In Fateful Findings, he exposes them, leading them to commit various forms of suicide, some publicly. Then in Pass Thru, he just commits massive genocide against anyone he doesn't like. I estimate that in Twisted Pair, he will be disemboweling lawyers and CEOs with his Breen hands and feasting on their steaming entrails.

# ? Dec 26, 2021 20:32

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

Now, this watchthrough wouldn't be complete without a new edition of... the Breenies!

Best Performance: Array of Unmanned Cameras
Committed, convincing, and filled with consummate professionalism, the Array of Unmanned Cameras captivates you in every spellbinding scene. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear there actually was an array of cameras right there, unmanned. I hope that, in the future, Neil chooses to work with the Array of Unmanned Cameras again, but I imagine they'll have more prestigious stuff lined up.

Best Suicide: Suicide By Wife (Jim)
This was a tough one to decide, since this movie has so many suicides to choose from. So many. So very many... Sorry, I spaced out there for a second. In the end, I had to give it to Jim, who craftily escaped Neil's movie by way of wife-inflicted gunshot. Still, I can't believe he committed suicide. I cannot believe he committed suicide.

Best Sex Scene: Not this one
This is a trick Breenie. There is no best sex scene in this movie. There are, however, multiple worst ones.

Most Nude: Neil Breen
I counted about 8 or 9 scenes of undesired Neil Breen nudity in this movie, and that's way more than the other movies I've seen. In fact, it's 13 or 14 more nude scenes than I'd like to see of him. I feel like I could describe every sweaty, skinny-flabby inch of flesh on his body to you, but I don't think you'd want me to. In fact, I... I sense that you want me to stop talking about this. Let's move on.

Most 90s Vanity Album Cover
Filled with all the most romantic tunes to disrobe your hired actress to and plant sticky little pecks on her lips, such as Royalty Free Theme of Sex Rose and Royalty Free Liquid Piano Love #34.

Best Car Accident: this one.
Throughout the years, the most remarkable... okay, look, I just like watching Neil get creamed by that car.

I didn't put together any clips for Youtube, because I think this compilation covers the best material (including the insane ending):

Fateful Findings best scenes:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-fYWAwc8Q0

# ? Dec 26, 2021 20:42

Snowman_McK: Jan 31, 2010

This thread continues to be great.

Merry Breen-mass y'all.

# ? Dec 27, 2021 12:53

Escape From Noise: Jul 27, 2004

Lol. This was great! Thanks for coming back and adding more to this hilarious thread!

# ? Dec 28, 2021 07:31

pokeyman: Nov 26, 2006; That elephant ate my entire platoon.

These totally hold up to a rewatch, but there's nothing quite like the first time. Thanks for the good work OP!

# ? Jan 31, 2022 07:45

BiggerBoat: Sep 26, 2007; Don't you tell me my business again.

Aw, man. I just discovered this genius and this thread through some We Hate Movies/Youtube algorithms and I'd hate to see this thread die.

My 11 year old son is interested in making and directing movies so I work with him a little on things like framing, lighting and acting. He has a decent eye for good shots and effective scenes but he's shy with public speaking of any sort. I showed him some Breen highlight reels to give him the opposite examples of exactly what NOT to do and he was dying laughing.

He watched the Jim commits suicide scene in Fatal Findings and said he could do a better job acting. SO I pretended to be dead and you know what? He WAS better than Neil in our little living room scene.

# ? Feb 9, 2022 01:26

Neo Rasa: Mar 8, 2007; Everyone should play DUKE games.

BiggerBoat posted:

Aw, man. I just discovered this genius and this thread through some We Hate Movies/Youtube algorithms and I'd hate to see this thread die.

My 11 year old son is interested in making and directing movies so I work with him a little on things like framing, lighting and acting. He has a decent eye for good shots and effective scenes but he's shy with public speaking of any sort. I showed him some Breen highlight reels to give him the opposite examples of exactly what NOT to do and he was dying laughing.

He watched the Jim commits suicide scene in Fatal Findings and said he could do a better job acting. SO I pretended to be dead and you know what? He WAS better than Neil in our little living room scene.

This makes me so happy both about your son and also your learning about Neil Breen.

I forget if I posted earlier in the thread but Breen also made a retrospective about how to make a movie called 5 Film Retrospective, it's like $100 on his site and is five hours long and from what I've read the first 45 minutes is just random clips from his movies with a title card at the bottom that says "character images."

# ? Feb 9, 2022 04:25

Neo Rasa: Mar 8, 2007; Everyone should play DUKE games.

Someone directed/wrote/starred in a parody of Neil Breen films called Fatal Future that.....I ended up enjoying a lot. I figured I was going to lol at it for like five minutes and then it would wear out its welcome but it was like, a perfect Neil Breen movie and was definitely made by someone that loves cyberpunk stuff, and somehow managed to have a sort of decent twist ending too that predates Blade Runner 2049 You're the chosen one, OOPS! you're not thing.

# ? Feb 9, 2022 04:34

Snowman_McK: Jan 31, 2010

BiggerBoat posted:

Aw, man. I just discovered this genius and this thread through some We Hate Movies/Youtube algorithms and I'd hate to see this thread die.

My 11 year old son is interested in making and directing movies so I work with him a little on things like framing, lighting and acting. He has a decent eye for good shots and effective scenes but he's shy with public speaking of any sort. I showed him some Breen highlight reels to give him the opposite examples of exactly what NOT to do and he was dying laughing.

He watched the Jim commits suicide scene in Fatal Findings and said he could do a better job acting. SO I pretended to be dead and you know what? He WAS better than Neil in our little living room scene.

i genuinely think there's a lot of worth to seeing something done badly to understand how to do it well. Someone who's good at it makes it seem like a magic trick. There's no seams and you don't know how it happens. Then you watch someone gently caress it up and go 'oh, that's what happens if you don't time that cut correctly.'

Your kid sounds awesome and I wish him luck.

# ? Feb 10, 2022 01:08

BiggerBoat: Sep 26, 2007; Don't you tell me my business again.

Snowman_McK posted:

i genuinely think there's a lot of worth to seeing something done badly to understand how to do it well. Someone who's good at it makes it seem like a magic trick. There's no seams and you don't know how it happens. Then you watch someone gently caress it up and go 'oh, that's what happens if you don't time that cut correctly.'

Your kid sounds awesome and I wish him luck.

Aw, thanks. And yes that was my approach.

He's on the autism spectrum and has some weird ideas (awesome weird ideas, mind you) but has trouble articulating things in ways that can sometimes hurt his confidence. I showed him some Breen highlight reels to demonstrate that yes he can, in fact, make a movie. Or several movies. And that even at his age and with his so called disabilities he's already a better actor and director than this person who's made 5 films. I found an old lovely digital camera that I'm going to give him for his birthday and see if we can't make a short film that he could use for a school project or some poo poo. Even if it's just me, him and one or two of his friends. If he pulls it off, I bet he could make a lot of freinds and score some good grades to boot. I told him he needs to write a script/screenplay first but his handwriting is atrocious so maybe we can type it.

He plays the keyboards a little so maybe he can do the music too.

Again, I figured showing him what NOT to do and how NOT to make a movie is just as helpful as showing him the genius of Kubrick or lecturing him about Orsen Wells and Coppolla while I bore him to death about cinematic art. I have a BFA in illustration and often find myself intimidated and crush when I see the genius of painters like Salvador Dali and the draftsmanship of a commercial painter like Alex Ross. My kid was doubled over in laughter just watching Neil trying to act and knows when to laugh when he watches Birdemic and poo poo like that.

We'll wee how it goes. He likes horror movies so maybe we'll try something scary. If we pull it off, I'll post the results.

# ? Feb 10, 2022 01:53

2DCAT: Jun 25, 2015; pissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssss sssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssss; Gravy Boat 2k

Sometimes though, scenes are filmed :discourse:

# ? Feb 10, 2022 04:47

Martman: Nov 20, 2006

2DCAT posted:

Sometimes though, scenes are filmed

Watched the first few minutes of this scene and it's great so far

# ? Feb 10, 2022 07:21

Snowman_McK: Jan 31, 2010

BiggerBoat posted:

Aw, thanks. And yes that was my approach.

He's on the autism spectrum and has some weird ideas (awesome weird ideas, mind you) but has trouble articulating things in ways that can sometimes hurt his confidence. I showed him some Breen highlight reels to demonstrate that yes he can, in fact, make a movie. Or several movies. And that even at his age and with his so called disabilities he's already a better actor and director than this person who's made 5 films. I found an old lovely digital camera that I'm going to give him for his birthday and see if we can't make a short film that he could use for a school project or some poo poo. Even if it's just me, him and one or two of his friends. If he pulls it off, I bet he could make a lot of freinds and score some good grades to boot. I told him he needs to write a script/screenplay first but his handwriting is atrocious so maybe we can type it.

He plays the keyboards a little so maybe he can do the music too.

Again, I figured showing him what NOT to do and how NOT to make a movie is just as helpful as showing him the genius of Kubrick or lecturing him about Orsen Wells and Coppolla while I bore him to death about cinematic art. I have a BFA in illustration and often find myself intimidated and crush when I see the genius of painters like Salvador Dali and the draftsmanship of a commercial painter like Alex Ross. My kid was doubled over in laughter just watching Neil trying to act and knows when to laugh when he watches Birdemic and poo poo like that.

We'll wee how it goes. He likes horror movies so maybe we'll try something scary. If we pull it off, I'll post the results.

This rules and he's lucky to have you. Best of luck to him. I know this barely counts as a post on my part but I couldn't just emptyquote and this is a gorgeous post.

# ? Feb 10, 2022 07:43

BiggerBoat: Sep 26, 2007; Don't you tell me my business again.

Snowman_McK posted:

This rules and he's lucky to have you. Best of luck to him. I know this barely counts as a post on my part but I couldn't just emptyquote and this is a gorgeous post.

I was going to PM you but you have that blocked and I just wanted to thank you for the kind words. So...

*ahem*

"Thaaank you...for...the kind words....YOUR words. They were...kiiinnnd. The words....the kind words that you WROTE here on the FOR-ums with your laptop....at something awful...which I have now hacked into for all the secrets. Of the corruption...and all of the shitposting on the forUMS..."

"Pro-BATIONS...Bans...Avataaarrss..."

*climbs a 4 foot rock*

"So...kind. Such kind words...in a post"

*6 seconds of silence*

*cut to stock image of a tiger*

# ? Feb 10, 2022 15:54

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing. It was a lovely thing to read. Thank you for sharing.

*runs screaming down a desert hill*

# ? Feb 10, 2022 16:18

Snowman_McK: Jan 31, 2010

Bigger Boat, Bigger Boat! How can you have done this? Biger Boat? I can't believe you shared a sweet and wholesome story. I cannot believe you shared a sweet and wholesome story. How could you have done this? How could you have shared a sweet and wholesome story? I can't help you out of this one Bigger Boat. With all we've been through, I can't pull you out of this one.

*has face intercut with a skull*

# ? Feb 15, 2022 01:00

Davros1: Jul 19, 2007; You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible

Snowman_McK posted:

i genuinely think there's a lot of worth to seeing something done badly to understand how to do it well. Someone who's good at it makes it seem like a magic trick. There's no seams and you don't know how it happens. Then you watch someone gently caress it up and go 'oh, that's what happens if you don't time that cut correctly.'

Your kid sounds awesome and I wish him luck.

One of my favorite stories is that on the set of "Maximum Overdrive" ~~first~~ only time director Stephen King tried to set up a shot, and the crew completely shot him down, telling him that he can't do that. Then later, at a film festival, King was seated with David Lynch, and he inquired about what the crew had done. Lynch laughed and said "Stephen, it's your movie. You can do whatever you want ... but if you did that, then the shots won't line up."

# ? Feb 15, 2022 21:38

Escape From Noise: Jul 27, 2004

Lol. I love David Lynch.

# ? Feb 16, 2022 05:03

VoodooXT: Feb 24, 2006; I want Tong Po! Give me Tong Po!

Neo Rasa posted:

Someone directed/wrote/starred in a parody of Neil Breen films called Fatal Future that.....I ended up enjoying a lot. I figured I was going to lol at it for like five minutes and then it would wear out its welcome but it was like, a perfect Neil Breen movie and was definitely made by someone that loves cyberpunk stuff, and somehow managed to have a sort of decent twist ending too that predates Blade Runner 2049 You're the chosen one, OOPS! you're not thing.

Lol yea, I know Michael through his Youtube channel. He�s a fun guy and a knowledgable film dude.

# ? Feb 21, 2022 23:02

davidspackage: May 16, 2007; Nap Ghost

It looks like the full film's on Youtube, I never think to check there. I'll have to give it a watch.

# ? Feb 22, 2022 06:56

JAMOOOL: Oct 18, 2004; I LOVE TWO AND HALF MEN!! YOU 20 SOMETHINGS ARE JUST TOO CYNICAL TO UNDERSTAND IT!!

someone uploaded Fateful Findings and Twisted Pair to YouTube, finally giving me a chance to watch them. I just watched Fateful Findings and...holy hell, it was even more insane than I expected. I honestly thought all the weird angles and extreme close-ups on feet and faces were something the uploader was doing to avoid copyright detection. Nope!!

anyway, I can barely gather my thoughts on this, but I just wanna say the woman who plays Amy (Jim's wife) is maybe the single worst actress I have ever seen. also that the sexual chemistry between Neil and the actress who plays his wife, on a scale of 10, is a -5. is it possible that Neil Breen doesn't know what sex is?

# ? May 2, 2023 01:46

Neo Rasa: Mar 8, 2007; Everyone should play DUKE games.

JAMOOOL posted:

someone uploaded Fateful Findings and Twisted Pair to YouTube, finally giving me a chance to watch them. I just watched Fateful Findings and...holy hell, it was even more insane than I expected. I honestly thought all the weird angles and extreme close-ups on feet and faces were something the uploader was doing to avoid copyright detection. Nope!!

anyway, I can barely gather my thoughts on this, but I just wanna say the woman who plays Amy (Jim's wife) is maybe the single worst actress I have ever seen. also that the sexual chemistry between Neil and the actress who plays his wife, on a scale of 10, is a -5. is it possible that Neil Breen doesn't know what sex is?

Seeing this thread again makes me so happy, seeing people react to Fateful Findings is the best. I know he's done flicks before and since but something about Fateful Findings, WOW.

Twisted Pair is something else though. I can't decide if the budget is higher than his other films because of the intro or if it's way lower because of it, well, everything else about how the movie is made.

Has anyone here ever seen Five Film Retrospective? It's a 4+ hour thing Neil Breen made that's what it sounds like but I don't want to spend the $100 he charges for it because "the information contained in the film is priceless". I found one review of it that says the first 45 minutes of it is just a montage of clips from his first five movies with some text that says "CHARACTER IMAGES" at the bottom of the screen with no other context or anything. The rest is just him talking about making movies and stuff. I need to know what phenomenal insights he has on filmmaking.

# ? May 2, 2023 04:58

zetamind2000: Nov 6, 2007; ~~I'm an alien.~~

Neo Rasa posted:

Seeing this thread again makes me so happy, seeing people react to Fateful Findings is the best. I know he's done flicks before and since but something about Fateful Findings, WOW.

Twisted Pair is something else though. I can't decide if the budget is higher than his other films because of the intro or if it's way lower because of it, well, everything else about how the movie is made.

Has anyone here ever seen Five Film Retrospective? It's a 4+ hour thing Neil Breen made that's what it sounds like but I don't want to spend the $100 he charges for it because "the information contained in the film is priceless". I found one review of it that says the first 45 minutes of it is just a montage of clips from his first five movies with some text that says "CHARACTER IMAGES" at the bottom of the screen with no other context or anything. The rest is just him talking about making movies and stuff. I need to know what phenomenal insights he has on filmmaking.

It's quite the experience

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQS_bX3sX8s

# ? May 2, 2023 05:16

Escape From Noise: Jul 27, 2004

poo poo. I need to watch Fateful Findings

# ? May 2, 2023 05:16

JAMOOOL: Oct 18, 2004; I LOVE TWO AND HALF MEN!! YOU 20 SOMETHINGS ARE JUST TOO CYNICAL TO UNDERSTAND IT!!

ok I'm halfway through Twisted Pair and it might be the most insane and downright psychotic movie I've ever seen. the only thing that I can think of that compares to this is the On Cinema spinoff show Decker, particularly the "big budget" episodes that had really weird plots. but its somehow even crazier and funnier than that. also he seems to break some pretty cardinal rules of filmmaking here, particularly the way we're introduced to Cade's "girlfriend"

Neo Rasa posted:

Twisted Pair is something else though. I can't decide if the budget is higher than his other films because of the intro or if it's way lower because of it, well, everything else about how the movie is made.

well the intro is just stock footage, but he does seem to learn a few new green screen tricks, which somehow gives him a way to make his films even worse

# ? May 3, 2023 14:26

2DCAT: Jun 25, 2015; pissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssss sssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssss; Gravy Boat 2k

Seeing this post pop again again reminded me of this video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IG9Ktz7rmxg

# ? May 3, 2023 20:57

Bold Robot: Jan 6, 2009; Be brave.

Neo Rasa posted:

Has anyone here ever seen Five Film Retrospective? It's a 4+ hour thing Neil Breen made that's what it sounds like but I don't want to spend the $100 he charges for it because "the information contained in the film is priceless". I found one review of it that says the first 45 minutes of it is just a montage of clips from his first five movies with some text that says "CHARACTER IMAGES" at the bottom of the screen with no other context or anything. The rest is just him talking about making movies and stuff. I need to know what phenomenal insights he has on filmmaking.

My friend and I managed to watch it all. Neil spends hours rambling about various subjects without managing to say anything very useful or interesting. He comes off as even weirder and less likeable than I thought he would - he's blustery and smug. Huge portions of the film are clips from his movies, the rest is weirdly-framed shots of him sitting around his house explaining his views on filmmaking. The latter segments are amateurish even by Breen standards, with a lot of jump cuts and voiceovers where he wants to correct something he said. He devotes a lot of time to budgets and funding, but dances around the issue and never says what his budgets were or how he funded his movies. The highlight comes a few hours in when he shows some clips of effects shots (e.g. the tiger in Pass Thru) while claiming everything is 100% real and there is no CGI.

I don't regret watching it, but I can't say I would recommend it. I was hoping there would be some interesting lore like behind the scenes shots or insight into the plot/meaning of some of his films, but there's almost none of that throughout the nearly 6 hour runtime.

# ? May 3, 2023 21:55

JAMOOOL: Oct 18, 2004; I LOVE TWO AND HALF MEN!! YOU 20 SOMETHINGS ARE JUST TOO CYNICAL TO UNDERSTAND IT!!

its not really clear if Breen understands why exactly people love his films so much. personally if I was making movies like that and getting standing ovations for them I'd get blustery and smug too

# ? May 4, 2023 03:28

2DCAT: Jun 25, 2015; pissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssss sssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssss; Gravy Boat 2k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVnrjVvIG1k

# ? May 4, 2023 23:32

zetamind2000: Nov 6, 2007; ~~I'm an alien.~~

I'm excited for neil breen's x-men

Wikipedia posted:

Cade Altair enters a mysterious mental hospital in order to imbue the patients with mystical powers, enabling them to fight "for humanity and justice".

# ? May 5, 2023 00:00

Schwarzwald: Jul 27, 2004; Don't Blink

x-men nothin', Breen's clearly producing a fan sequel to Shyamalan's Unbreakable series

# ? May 5, 2023 00:26

SMILLENNIALSMILLEN: Jun 26, 2009

zetamind2000 posted:

I'm excited for neil breen's x-men

Something like what neil breen has created doesn't come around over night its safe to say he was workshopping it for a while before releasing double down it probably even predates at least the xmen cartoons if not comics I'm also real hype for the new movie

# ? May 15, 2023 12:24

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# ? May 3, 2024 10:26

JAMOOOL: Oct 18, 2004; I LOVE TWO AND HALF MEN!! YOU 20 SOMETHINGS ARE JUST TOO CYNICAL TO UNDERSTAND IT!!

god I love how every single one of his movies start by making you think "this is gonna be hilarious" but 30 minutes in you're completely sucked into Breen's little bizarro world

Double Down you think you have a grip on exactly how things are gonna go off the rails and then it somehow goes in an even more insane direction. and then a lot of the stuff you thought was gonna happen happens anyway. it's like a combination of Rambo and Die Hard but written and directed by the people who make those weird religious movies for Catholic schools.

# ? May 16, 2023 04:36

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Neil Breen's Vegas Vacation (watching through Breen's filmography)

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